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JIHOON DOES NOT love the holidays, to say the least. The overplayed Christmas music makes him cringe, and it’s hard to appreciate how pretty the snow looks when he’s busy slipping on dirty slush every few meters; the old men dressed as Santa Claus and harassing him for money certainly don’t make things better.
“Hey, asshole. It’s for charity.” Jeonghan’s got that look on his face, the one he wears when he thinks he has the moral high ground. They both know it’s bullshit, but Jihoon doesn’t call him out on it.
Instead, he says, “As if. You think those guys all work for charity organizations? Definitely not.”
“I think you’re just cynical.”
“Maybe so, but at least I’m not being ripped off 10000 won every time I pass a street corner.”
His friend looks at him, superiority slipping from his features and being replaced by something else, something more pitying. It only fuels Jihoon’s glare. “It’s the most wonderful time of the year,” he insists. “You can’t be so bitter.”
“Sure I can, watch me.”
“No, you seriously can’t. So long as Soonyoung is your boyfriend, you’ll just have to force yourself to enjoy it. If you don’t, these next three weeks will be hell.” Which, okay. That’s true.
Soonyoung loves Christmas, absolutely loses his mind over it; this isn’t their first time spending the holiday together, but it’s their first time spending it together - and if Jihoon’s being honest, that’s the only thing he can find to smile about. That, and Soonyoung’s just really cute when he gets excited. Sure, he subjects Jihoon to all sorts of bullshit festivities - baking cookies, wrapping gifts - but he’s horribly enthusiastic, and Jihoon’s horribly in love.
He’d like to scowl and deny it, but Jeonghan sees through him like tissue paper.
The latter grins. “Who knows, maybe you really will enjoy it. Soonyoung always has been the best at making you happy.”
“You can fuck right off,” Jihoon grumbles. “If he asks me to knit a scarf with him, I swear to God I’m calling it quits.”
“Mm-hmm,” Jeonghan hums. “Whatever you say, Jihoon.”
—
Jihoon was wrong to say such a thing - stupid, in fact, because he knows Soonyoung better than anyone else, and he knows Soonyoung is exactly the type to ask. And, well. Jihoon wouldn’t call it quits if his whole life depended on it. He just hopes Jeonghan doesn’t find out about this.
“Come on Jihoon, please?”
“Fuck no.”
“I need your help! I’ve never done this before - please?”
“What makes you think I know anything about knitting? Soonyoung, no. I love your mother, but I am not helping you knit a scarf for her.”
Soonyoung frowns, a small pout fixing itself onto his face, and fuck , he’s adorable. He probably knows it, too. He knows exactly how cute he is, and he knows exactly how weak it makes Jihoon, and he thinks it’s going to work. He knows it’s going to work. Jihoon knows, too.
“Well, I can’t do it on my own,” he sighs rather dramatically. “I guess I’m just going to have to ask Wonwoo, maybe Seokmin. I’m sure either one of them would be happy to - “
“Fine,” Jihoon cuts, glowering. “Just, for the love of God. Don’t ask Seokmin.”
Soonyoung grins, “I love you so much,” and reaches out to pull Jihoon closer to him. The latter dodges it, heat flooding his chest and crawling up his neck. Soonyoung goes for it again, succeeding this time (although Jihoon will say that he let it happen) and crushing him in a hug. “Seriously, thank you.”
“We’re playing with yarn, Soonyoung, I’m not sacrificing my life for yours. It’s not a big deal.”
So, that’s how Jihoon finds himself cross-legged and scowling on Soonyoung’s bed, yarn tangled in his fingers and strewn all over the floor. Soonyoung looks better off, idly scrolling through instructions on his phone.
“Are you actually going to do something?” Jihoon asks. “You’ve been sitting there like that for the last ten minutes, and I’m - holy shit, stop spinning those scissors before you hurt yourself - “
“Got it!” Soonyoung exclaims, fingers splaying in excitement. The scissors go flying off into some corner of the room, and the boy levels Jihoon’s glare with a sheepish smile. “Uh, this seems like the easiest way to do it. We don’t even need a needle, we can just use our hands.”
“Is it really knitting, then? That’s like, weaving. Fake-knitting. Knitting for people who don’t actually know how to knit. Feels like cheating.”
“It’s not cheating, and we don’t know how to knit, so.” Soonyoung tosses him two balls of yarn, the soft, thicker kind, and a ruler. “We’re gonna need a table for this,” he says, “the one downstairs would be perfect.”
“Are you kidding? This is already too much work.“
“It’ll be worth it!” Soonyoung insists. “She’s going to love it, and I’ll be sure to tell her you helped.”
It’s empty in their kitchen, but Jihoon knows that won’t last. He might as well prepare himself now for the inevitable teasing, plan his own funeral. Maybe he’ll plan Jeonghan’s, actually, who knows. It really depends on who walks in and decides to open their mouth.
Soonyoung’s wrapping a series of strings around the end of the table, taking the correct measurements and cutting what needs to be cut - and Jihoon watches him all the while, allowing himself a small smile. He can feel the pressure beneath his eyes, cheeks bunching from the force of his own affection, and not for the first time he finds himself thinking that Soonyoung, really, is too cute for his own good.
He’s adorably concentrated, eyes narrowed as he pulls each string taught, careful not to tangle them. When Jihoon asks why he chose that particular color combo for the yarn, he says, “Mom’s favorite colors.” It’s so unexpectedly heartfelt, the way he says it so serious, Jihoon can’t help the little giggle bubbling at the back of his throat.
“I’m expecting a scarf for my next birthday,” he jokes, and Soonyoung smiles.
“I’ll make you a scarf, and mittens to go with it. Maybe a cute little hat, too?”
Jihoon’s about to say something when he hears footsteps coming up behind him, and promptly shuts his mouth. Turning, he finds Seungcheol paused in the doorway, brow quirked and head tilted in questioning. “We’re knitting,” Soonyoung offers, unbothered, and Seungcheol straightens himself.
“Oh, uh … huh. I didn’t know knitting was a two-person thing.”
“It can be,” Jihoon says simply. He hears the little inhale Soonyoung makes when he smiles, and he knows his blush is obvious, but that’s okay. He’ll get teased for it later on, probably, but that’s okay. As of right now, it’s an explanation Seungcheol’s willing to accept, and he leaves them be.
Seungcheol’s right, in a way - this is easily something Soonyoung could’ve done on his own, and Jihoon’s actually having trouble trying to figure out how he should help. Eventually, they settle it so that Jihoon’s the one pulling the yarn, and Soonyoung guides his fingers as he goes along. Jihoon gets the hang of it after the first three or four loops, but he doesn’t mind Soonyoung’s closeness; he’s hovering, drawing Jihoon further into his chest as if he’s got some sort of magnetic field. Warm breath fans Jihoon’s face and dusts it a sugary pink, and Jihoon doesn’t mind. He still wonders, though.
“Soonyoung?”
“Hm?”
“Why did you ask me to help you with this?”
“ … I told you,” he starts, but breaks off when Jihoon shakes his head.
“No, no. Why did you really ask me to help? This is like, grade-school arts and crafts. You could’ve done it yourself.”
Soonyoung looks at him, blinking, and Jihoon can feel his heart expanding, almost like it’s smiling a little. Whatever the reasoning, it’s probably something simple, something cute; something Soonyoung would say. Jihoon can feel himself growing warm at the thought.
“I mean, yeah,” he says. “I could’ve. But I didn’t want to. In all honesty, I just liked the idea of knitting with my cute boyfriend. Getting to hold your hand like this was also definitely part of the plan.”
Jihoon stares at Soonyoung for a few moments before breaking out with a grin. His stomach tingles, his throat tingles, from the tops of his ears to his very fingertips, he tingles. He feels like he’s got butterflies trapped beneath his skin, fluttery and pitter-patter in-love; it’s gross, and he’s embarrassed, but it’s just what Soonyoung does to him.
“You’re so stupid,” he mumbles, trying hard to school his smile into something a little less giddy. “You don’t have to make excuses, you know. I’d let you hold my hand as long as you like if you just asked.” Soonyoung laughs quietly.
“Okay, but knitting - watching you knit? Watching you get frustrated because you keep tangling up the strings? That shit’s cute, Jihoon. I’m having the time of my life.”
Jihoon goes to punch Soonyoung’s shoulder, but the latter catches his fist and leans forward to press a kiss against his forehead. He giggles against the skin, and Jihoon thinks he can feel every thought behind his head popping like bubbles. It’s a sweet moment, tender and pure - and it’s ruined by the sound of someone clearing their throat behind them.
Jeonghan stands with Seungcheol beside him, Seungcheol looking quite uncomfortable and Jeonghan - well, Jihoon wouldn’t mind wiping that smirk off his face, to say the least. It’s all-knowing, an ‘I told you so’ sort of smile, and what a bitch, honestly.
“You guys are cute,” Jeonghan says. “However, it’s nearly lunchtime, and I’d like my appetite to still be intact by the time Mingyu starts cooking. Maybe save it for later?”
Jihoon’s expression is deadpan, blank. It’s like black against the stark white of Soonyoung’s smile, his crescent eyes - and maybe Jihoon’s just sensitive, but Jeonghan also knows how to pluck his every single one of his nerves like guitar strings. Broken, out of tune guitar strings.
“What happened to Lee ‘Christmas is my least favorite holiday’ Jihoon? What did you do, Soonyoung?”
“Have you considered drafting your will, Jeonghan? Because you might want to do that.”
Jeonghan snickers so hard Jihoon almost thinks he’s choking, and Soonyoung, still smiling, wraps his arms around him. Jihoon’s dwarfed, probably looking like more of an elf than he already does, but leans in nonetheless as Soonyoung says, “Leave him alone, he’s sweet.” Now, it’s Seungcheol who barks out a laugh - he cuts himself off immediately, holding a hand to his face to cover his grin.
“I wonder what it’s like to be Kwon Soonyoung,” Jeonghan says, with enough dramatic flair to make Jihoon scowl. “Like, who else has this sort of influence over Jihoon? Crazy.”
“Alright, alright - we’re done,” Seungcheol says, dragging a smiley Jeonghan out of the room by his arm. “We’ll leave you to it. Lunch is soon, so just, uh, keep that in mind.”
They’re gone, but Jihoon’s frown doesn’t lift until Soonyoung reaches up to hold his face. With his thumbs, he smooths the lines from under Jihoon’s eyes; with his lips, he introduces a smile. Fuck Soonyoung, honestly. Jeonghan was right. No one has Jihoon’s heart the way he does.
“You’re too cute,” he mumbles, and Jihoon shoves him.
“Shut up. I swear to God, the only time anyone has any leverage over me is when I’m with you.”
“Yeah, and? Personally, I love that you’re willing to do dumb shit for the sake of making me happy.”
“You’re the worst, you know that? What about my happiness, hm?”
Soonyoung laughs, “Are you really going to tell me you aren’t having fun, right now? Put your pride to the side for a second, babe, and help me finish this scarf.”
It comes out looking a little scraggly in some spots, but like a scarf just the same. It’s colorful and soft and Soonyoung won’t stop talking about how much he loves it, how much his mother will love it, and he even asks Jihoon to sign the Christmas card. Kisses him, too, for the effort.
He’d never admit it, but Jihoon thinks that maybe festivities aren’t so bad, so long as he’s got Soonyoung with him.
—
Soonyoung thinks he might just lose his mind. Christmas shopping - how does one do it? How does one know what to get for someone they love? The type of gift that says, I love you more than anything else in this world, and the only reason I didn’t wrap my heart in a bow and hand it to you is that it’s physically impossible for me to do so . What could possibly send that message?
“You need to calm down,” Minghao tells him, rolling his eyes. Soonyoung groans.
“You can’t tell me that, you have no idea what I’m going through.”
“I know you’re being dramatic, and I know that you could probably gift Jihoon a used soap bar and he’d still think you’re the greatest guy in the world, so.”
He’s got no one but himself to blame, really, for leaving things this late. Two weeks left and he still hasn’t the slightest idea what to get his boyfriend - he wants it to be sentimental, something meaningful. He’d sooner shoot himself in the foot than settle for a box of chocolates.
“Two weeks is plenty of time,” Minghao says. He’s clearly unbothered, only sort of paying attention to Soonyoung, and the latter frowns.
“But it’s not, not really. I want it to be good, you know? It’s our first Christmas together.”
“What did I just say, Soonyoung? Jihoon doesn’t care. He’s happy so long as he’s with you.”
“Okay, but still . I refuse to settle for anything less than what he deserves, and he deserves the best.”
“Gross. I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.”
Soonyoung can only sigh, burying his face in one of their couch cushions to muffle his whining. “I wonder what he’s getting me, probably something good. I bet I’ll love it. I bet it’ll be better than whatever I come up with. Oh my God - “
“Shut up, please? For like, two seconds. Be quiet.” Soonyoung does as told, moving so that he can peek over the cushion and watch Minghao from where he sits on the other couch. He purses his lips and reaches for the remote, shutting the TV off before turning to face Soonyoung. He looks solemn, no lines on his face to indicate he’s joking when he says, “Just take him somewhere.”
“ … I’m sorry?”
“Take him somewhere,” he repeats. “Like, get him something, obviously. But if sentimental is what you’re going for, take him somewhere nice, someplace pretty. There’s no shortage of nice scenery around this time of year, trust me. Bring snacks, make a date out of it.”
“But ... But is that, I dunno, too simple? I don’t want him to think I didn’t try.” Minghao scrunches his nose.
“He won’t, definitely not. And, I mean, this is Jihoon we’re talking about. Do you really think he wants you to do something huge and flashy for him? He’s not the type. Simple’s the way to go.”
Soonyoung is quiet, thinking. Slowly, his grip loosens and he sits up, putting the cushion to the side.
“I guess you’re right.”
“See? You’re welcome.” Soonyoung grins.
A date, something simple. December’s a really pretty month; makes the stars look all frosty and bright, makes Jihoon’s cheeks go pink. A date. That would be nice, Soonyoung thinks. He thinks Jihoon would like it, too.
—
Jihoon knows fatigue, possibly better than anyone else, and he knows what it’s like to work under pressure. He knows stress and late-nights and forgetting to eat because he’s so focused on work. He knows all of it.
So it’s funny, you see, that the most he’s felt any of this happens to be when he’s not even working on a comeback. It’s for Soonyoung, of all people, and that’s what has him worrying the most.
“Come on,” Vernon says, splaying himself out on the sofa in Jihoon’s studio. “Trust yourself. You’ve never made a bad song before, what could go wrong?” Jihoon flushes.
“Shut up, you’ll jinx it. Just my luck to fuck this up, the one time it matters most.”
“Aw, Jihoon .” Vernon sits up straighter. His grin stretches wide enough to take up his whole face, leaving crinkles around his eyes, and Jihoon’s seriously considering kicking him out. “That’s so sweet. For real, though, you won’t. He’ll love it, no matter what.”
“I - I know, I just … “ Jihoon sighs, dragging a palm over his face and leaning back in his chair. “I just want it to be perfect, you know? And I don’t - I don’t know how to fit everything I want to say into one song, and make it actually sound good.”
“No,” Vernon corrects him, “you do know, you’re just getting too into your own head. The more you stress, the more difficult it’ll be. Just calm down. Get into whatever mindset it is you have when you work on our albums, and you’ll be fine.” He’s right, Jihoon knows he is, but his nerves continue to rattle, anyway.
This is Soonyoung , his sweet, dear Soonyoung, and Jihoon’s never loved anyone more. When they’re together, he feels soft and molten and like a million feelings all at once; his heart beats in a way that can’t be summed up with words - but what’s a song, if not words? How is Jihoon supposed to describe something too great for description? It probably wasn’t the smartest idea, he thinks, to task himself with something like this.
It’s for Soonyoung, though, so it has to be worth it.
—
Soonyoung feels bad, waking Jihoon up like this. He knows the boy barely gets any sleep, and that he could use all the rest he can get, but this is his chance - Jihoon will just take a nap later, anyway.
“Hey, Jihoon. Jihoonie,” he shakes his arm gently, murmuring. “Wake up, will you?”
Jihoon finally starts to stir, readjusting his position in his chair, and Soonyoung frowns. He’s too cute, he really is, with his knees tucked under his chin and face full with sleep, but it’s terrible for his joints. “I wish you wouldn’t crash like this,” he says, watching Jihoon blink and rub his eyes. “You’re going to make yourself sore - and it’s freezing in here, at least keep a blanket.”
“It’s fine,” Jihoon mumbles. “I feel fine. Am I missing something? Why did you - ?” He’s stretching his legs out and running a hand through his hair, waking himself up, when he cuts himself off. Soonyoung can see every trace of sleep drain from his face as he snaps forward in his seat, wide-eyed, and says, “Wait, did you touch anything?”
“No … ?”
“Are you sure? You didn’t look at - wait, are my headphones still plugged in?”
“Yeah,” Soonyoung says, easing him back into his seat with a hand on his shoulder. “Calm down, I didn’t mess with your stuff. Your headphones are all tangled up, see - “ he bends to pick them up off the floor - “but they’re still plugged in. Why, what’s the matter?”
Jihoon stares at him blankly, frozen, until Soonyoung laughs.
“Whatever, you’re obviously still out of it.” Soonyoung watches him relax, feels his own gaze go soft at the boy. Jihoon likes to act all hard lines and tough edges, but he’s a whole sunset, really - gentle light and warm on water, turning Soonyoung’s insides fragile with every move. He gets so caught up in looking at him, it isn’t until Jihoon clears his throat that he remembers what he came here for.
“Oh, right, uh. Everyone’s out. Christmas shopping, lunch, whatever. They all left like half an hour ago.”
“Okay, and?”
“And - And that means we have the dorm to ourselves.”
Soonyoung reaches out and pulls Jihoon out of his seat, just to keep him close. With his arms around Jihoon’s neck and their faces close enough to touch, he can make out his blush; red, red getting redder with each breath, burning the tips of his ears and twisting his mouth into a pout.
“So what if we do?” he says. Soonyoung smirks, and Jihoon’s gaze wavers.
“Well, if no one else is home, we can do whatever we want, can’t we? Even things that - that usually we can’t get away with?”
He can practically see Jihoon squirming, simmering in his own heat, and he struggles to keep a straight face. When Jihoon speaks, it’s under his breath; Soonyoung starts playing with the hair on the nape of his neck, and his voice goes even lower - “What are you on about, Soonyoung?”
“I don’t know,” he shrugs, “it’s open to interpretation.”
“ … We can’t.”
“Can’t what?”
“It - It’s risky, and I swear to God if anyone - “
“What’s so risky about baking cookies?”
“I’m serious, I - “ Jihoon freezes mid-sentence as the words sink in, and he blinks. “Sorry, what?”
“I wanted to ask if you would help me bake cookies,” Soonyoung clarifies. He has to purse his lips to keep his laughter in, but once realization sets in and Jihoon scowls, shoving his chest forcefully, he loses it.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” he glares as Soonyoung cackles. “You’re evil, you’re evil and I don’t - I can’t believe you just - “
“Oh my God, the look on your face - “
“I will never trust again, you’ve broken me.”
It’s funny, his stomach hurts from the force of his own laughter, but Soonyoung catches Jihoon’s face in an instant between his splitting grin and eyes squeezed shut.
Jihoon looks like a flower, soft rose petals and misted pink. He’s flustered, embarrassed, cute as can possibly be, and Soonyoung only grabs for him again. Jihoon doesn’t push him away when he presses a kiss to the tip of his nose.
“While I like your train of thought,” he grins, “I meant what I said - you know there’s no way we’d be able to make those cookies with everyone else here, it’d be chaos. Please?” he adds, when Jihoon still doesn’t look convinced.
“You have to do this with me, of all people?” Soonyoung scoffs.
“Uh, obviously. Would I rather bake cookies with my boyfriend, who I love very much, or one of the eleven circus clowns we live with?”
“You can’t say shit,” Jihoon says, scrunching his nose, “you’re the twelfth clown.”
“Do you want me to call Seokmin and Seungkwan? Because I can absolutely - “
“Shut up, stop saying stuff like that. No, I do not want you three in the kitchen. I like our dorm very much, thank you, and I’d rather it not burn down at the hands of your idiot trio.”
Soonyoung doesn’t say anything more, just looks down at Jihoon and smiles, because he knows he’s won. Jihoon can complain about silly holiday traditions all he likes, but there’s no way the idea of baking cookies isn’t appealing in some way - Soonyoung likes to think the deal is made more enticing in that, well, he’s a part of it.
“Fine,” Jihoon succumbs. “But only because I don’t trust you on your own, either.”
They’re a good combo, Soonyoung being airy with his movements and Jihoon more leveled, anchoring him and keeping things in relative order. The only real mess is the flour they managed to spill all over the counter, but it’s alright. Jihoon’s got a patch of white on his jaw, and it’s alright. It’s cute.
“I can get that for you,” Soonyoung says, winking when he points it out. Jihoon squints in distaste.
“I guess this is you trying to be flirty? But don’t do that. It’s flour, it tastes bad.”
They’re making chocolate chip, because it’s classy, and Soonyoung didn’t want to go through the effort of actually decorating them. Soonyoung eats a fifth of their cookie dough, and Jihoon keeps complaining about how there really don’t need to be so many steps for something so simple - “We need to melt the butter and chill the dough? Do I look like fucking Gordon Ramsay?” - but they turn out well enough. A little lumpy, but just fine.
“They’re chewy like that because we chilled the dough,” Soonyoung says through a mouthful, wincing because they’re still hot and he just burned his tongue. Jihoon rolls his eyes and splits one in half, letting it cool a bit before popping it into his mouth. They sit like that, quiet and content, until Soonyoung speaks up.
“Why do you hate Christmas so much, Jihoonie?” Jihoon swallows, and when he looks at Soonyoung, there’s no aggression, no walls or barbed wire fences. There’s only Jihoon, in his most comfortable state; he’s benign, like this, and Soonyoung thinks it’s one of his favorite ways of seeing him.
“I don’t actually,” he says. “I mean, yeah, it’s not my favorite, but I’m not sure where everyone got the idea that I hate it so much. I just don’t see the point to it, besides religion or whatever.”
Soonyoung slides off his chair to go to the fridge, grabbing two glasses and a carton of milk for them both before sitting back down and starting, “The point is surrounding yourself with friends and family, your loved ones. Showing them your appreciation, y’know.” Jihoon shifts uncomfortably.
“I get that, I guess. Christmas was always good with my family, but ... I dunno. It was always just another day to me. I love my parents every day, yeah? The only thing differentiating that day from every other was getting to open presents.”
“And now, now that you have us?”
“Same thing. You guys know I care, even if I’m no good at showing it. I don’t need a commercial holiday to make that much clear - and that’s what it is, really, commercial. Just Christmas ‘sales’ and overpriced lattes at damn near every coffee shop.”
“Not true,” Soonyoung frowns.
“Very true, actually. Businesses love holidays, and they love Christmas especially. It just feels like I’m being played every single year - like my wallet is being played.”
“You’re like the Grinch.” Jihoon snorts.
“I never watched that, but the Grinch’s IQ must’ve been pretty great.”
Soonyoung feels his heart settle still in his chest, beating tightly, like there’s some layer of disappointment over it, suffocating it. Jihoon’s heart is a lot bigger than he likes to let on, and Soonyoung knows it can love a whole lot more than this. He’s definitely not just sad because Christmas is his favorite holiday.
“But I try,” Jihoon adds, when it’s clear Soonyoung isn’t about to say anything. “I know I’m an asshole about it, but I get how much you love … all this. I don’t want to ruin that, so.” He raises a cookie by way of explanation, and Soonyoung understands. Jihoon’s willing to do things for him that he wouldn’t do for most other people, and that in itself is enough to make Soonyoung go all warm and mushy on the inside.
“You’d never ruin it for me,” he says softly. “And - And I get what you mean, but you don’t have to be pessimistic about it. Sure, Christmas is really just one massive, month-long spending trip - but I think it’s a lot more fun to focus on the nicer side of it, like how good those overpriced lattes taste, and the look on your friends’ faces when you give them your gifts.”
Jihoon reaches out to brush Soonyoung’s cheek, grazing over his skin and leaving a little trail of warmth where he touches. He plays with the hair in front of Soonyoung’s eyes and says, “That’s easy for you, you’re good like that.”
“Well, so are you,” he says, and he’s graced with a small smile on Jihoon’s part.
“God, you’re precious. I don’t deserve you.” Soonyoung shakes his head and grabs for Jihoon’s hand, holding it to his lips.
“Wrong,” he says. “You’re so, so wrong.”
Half the cookies are gone by the time everyone else gets home, and Soonyoung and Jihoon are found wrapped up in each other on the couch with a film on in the background. It’s gentle, peaceful, and it’s just them.
That’s enough to make any one of Soonyoung’s days, holiday or not.
—
Jihoon’s not nervous. He’s been sitting alone in his studio for the last hour, heart in his throat while he runs through the song a million times over, but he’s not nervous.
Earlier in the day, they’d exchanged gifts - Jihoon got him a sweater, and Soonyoung had given him a giant Groot plushie (called him a fucking nerd, too, for that extra touch of love) - but they both knew there was more to it. Soonyoung doesn’t get anxious often, but he can’t help being obvious when he is, and Jihoon knows him well enough by now to know when he’s hiding something.
Which is why he isn’t surprised - had been waiting, actually - when he hears a knock on his door, and Soonyoung comes ambling in. He’s got the sort of smile on his face that makes Jihoon’s heart do flips, all shy.
“I don’t know why you’re hiding out in here,” is the first thing he says. “Everyone else is in the living room watching movies, and you’ve decided to go and seclude yourself.”
In truth, he’d been overthinking himself into a muddle of worries, and thought he'd listen to the song a few more times just to make sure it sounded right. All he tells Soonyoung, though, is, “Ah, I’ve just been working on something.”
“Alright, well, no more working! I want to take you somewhere.”
Jihoon allows Soonyoung to stride over and practically yank him out of his seat, having just enough mind to grab his phone before he’s dragged out of the room. He asks where they’re going, but Soonyoung only tightens his grip and pulls him harder, making sure to grab coats and scarves on the way out.
In the car, Jihoon asks again.
“You’ll see, I promise. Make sure you get your gloves on, it’s especially cold out tonight.”
“Uh, should I text Seungcheol? Does anyone know that we’re out?”
“Yeah, don’t worry. Minghao knows.”
Jihoon wants to ask again, figure out what he’s got planned, but Soonyoung starts the conversation on a different track when he says, “So, how has your Christmas been so far?” Jihoon shrugs.
“Fine, I guess. Although, if I hear Mariah Carey one more time, I will lose my fucking mind.”
Soonyoung snorts, “Good, great. I love that spirit.”
They’re both quiet for some time. Jihoon’s not sure how much time passes, but it’s enough for him to settle deeper into the passenger seat and feel his eyes start to droop. Eventually, if only for the sake of keeping himself awake, he asks, “You know what would make things even better?” and Soonyoung hums, glancing at him for a second before focusing on the road again. “If you told me where we’re going - because right now, it looks like you’re driving into a forest, and I love you, but I’ll love you a lot less if I end up getting mauled by a bear tonight - “ Soonyoung cuts him off with a laugh.
“It’s not a forest. I mean, okay, kind of - it’s a campground, but that’s all I’m telling you. Give me like, ten more minutes to get there, and then you’ll see.”
Jihoon does as told, sits nicely for what’s probably a little more than ten minutes, but it’s fine so long as he can watch Soonyoung.
Soonyoung, with the night on his face and the occasional brightness of passing street lamps. Soonyoung, who is living proof of the fact that life isn’t fair - because how can someone look so pretty, all the time? How can someone make Jihoon’s pulse jump and stomach knot the way he does? He wears worry like a suit, and Jihoon kind of wants to reach out and hold his hand, tell him there’s nothing to worry about.
Before he can do that, though, the car is slowing down. Jihoon takes a look out the window and sees a blanket of snow, smooth and untouched, sparkling like diamonds under the moonlight. They seem to be the only ones there. Soonyoung’s hands don’t leave the wheel, even once the ignition is turned off, and he stares straight ahead.
“Hey, Soonie,” Jihoon says, careful to keep his voice quiet. “Everything alright?”
There’s a moment’s silence before Soonyoung exhales, turning to grin at him.
“Yeah,” he breathes, “just fine. I brought food, because I know you didn’t eat any dinner before we came out here, and I - I dunno, can we just, hang out? Would that be nice?” His eyebrows are quirked something apprehensive, his smile hesitant, and Jihoon’s flooded with endearment.
“Of course,” he says. “I think that would be really, really nice.”
Soonyoung seems to relax at that, smiling wider before reaching into the bag he brought. He pulls out two to-go platters of sushi, and a box cake for them to share. He lays everything out over the dashboard - soy sauce and wasabi packets included, forks, napkins - and then squints at it. “I forgot drinks,” he says.
“It’s okay, you can eat snow, if it comes down to it.” Soonyoung laughs lightly, his eyes crinkling in a way that manages to distract Jihoon for a second before he continues, “Speaking of snow, I … Where did you find this place? It’s so pretty.”
“You like it? I was looking for someplace nice to take you - I considered the city, going to a nice restaurant and walking around, but I figured you might like this more.”
“I do,” Jihoon agrees. “It’s a lot quieter, just us two.” Soonyoung hums, popping open the cake packaging.
“Mm-hmm. Intimate.”
They eat and talk, talk and eat, Jihoon feeling himself blend slowly with the motion of it all; snow glittering outside, Soonyoung’s eyes glittering less than a meter away from him. He can feel his heart sway with the rhythm of their conversation, quite gentle, and he almost forgets.
But then he remembers, and he jolts in his seat.
“What is it?” Soonyoung asks, swallowing his food.
“I, uh. I almost forgot, there’s more. To your gift, I mean.” Soonyoung watches him, confused, as he fishes his phone out of his pocket. “Er, so, I made this? I hope it doesn’t suck? I just - whatever, just listen.”
Jihoon sets the phone in one of the coasters between them and hits play, listening to the familiar tune that starts to pick up and replace the quiet, static air. Curling into his seat, he waits and watches for Soonyoung’s reaction.
—
Soonyoung’s breath is caught in his throat, frosting over from the chill and freezing his words in place. Jihoon wrote him a song, with lyrics and music and all the things a song is supposed to have - just for him . Affection surges through him so forcefully, he thinks he could choke on it.
And it’s beautiful, really. Piano keys and strumming and all sorts of pretty sounds, the kinds that make his heart shake in its cage and fingers tingle. He’s itching to reach out and grab Jihoon’s hand, so he does, trying hard to steady his own breathing as he listens to the words. Soft words, kind words; words that make him feel ooey-gooey on the inside, like he’s melting.
They’re wonderful, speaking of a love Soonyoung knows all too well, but in a way he never knew possible. It’s his heart spelled out in prose; all the soft murmurings and light touches, everything around and in-between, orchestrated. It’s them, their love, immortalized.
Once it’s over, all he can do is run it through in his mind silently, letting it sink in some more.
“What do … What do you think?” Jihoon asks, and he sounds almost afraid to hear the answer. Soonyoung has to compose himself - ensure that his voice doesn’t crack, the dam behind his eyes doesn’t crack - before he responds.
“I think, I think I’m sorry? God, I’m never going to top that. Nothing I ever do will amount to - to what you just did and I - I’m sorry - “
“Shush,” Jihoon grins, punching his shoulder lightly. “This is amazing, Soonyoung. The food, the sky and the snow and the lights - it’s all so lovely, so simple and sweet and you - you know exactly what I like. I love this.”
“I loved that ,” Soonyoung insists, gesturing towards the phone. “That was perfect. Holy shit, Jihoon, you’re so talented. I love you so much.”
The cold is seeping in from outside, but Soonyoung feels warm all the way through; like his core is glowing, emanating heat, and the only thing he can think to do is kiss him - reach out and cup his cheeks, share some of that warmth. It’s all he can think to do, and he does it.
Jihoon softens, melting right into him. He tastes like chocolate and peppermint and a thousand fond feelings flitting between them; the world and all its good things are being folded into Soonyoung’s heart, and he’s so overwhelmed with the ardor of it all that he can’t help bouncing in his seat, shimmying and tapping his fingers against Jihoon’s skin. The latter just giggles into him, holding him tighter.
When they pull apart, they’re barely apart, still close enough that Soonyoung can feel their lips brush when he sways a little. “You are the loveliest,” he whispers, watching the other boy’s smile spread. “The loveliest, most splendid, magnificent person I’ve ever met - and I could tell it to you every day, and I still don’t think it would be enough.”
“You’re an idiot,” Jihoon says, and Soonyoung feels himself flushing.
“Yes, but I’m an idiot in love with you, and this is it, Jihoon, this is Christmas - fuck corporations, this is it, and I want this to be every day - “ Jihoon catches the rest of his sentiment with another kiss, effectively quieting him.
“Every day,” he says eventually, slightly breathless. “I like the sound of that.”
So, Christmas. Hand-woven scarves, chocolate chip cookies; not-so-spontaneous dates and love songs, frosted over bones with warm hands for comfort. Christmas. Jihoon. Soonyoung. Soft kisses and not-so-soft kisses - Jihoon, Soonyoung.
“Do you still think Christmas sucks?”
“I think I’m in love with you.”
“So, that’s a no?”
“ … Yeah, I guess it is.”