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1.
Bokuto was like the sun.
He was blinding and a bit disorienting, like ice water to the face, but as Akaashi stood there at the edge of that gymnasium, staring at a man who was rushing from teammate to teammate with the most ridiculous grin on his face, he knew.
That man was a star.
The way he leapt into the sky as if the ground couldn’t keep him there, the way he boasted his strengths out loud, clear and booming, resounding through every heart in the room, and the way he tackled everything (and everyone) with such gusto, like every fiber of his being was meant to do whatever he was set on doing.
He was shining.
And, perhaps, for the first time in Akaashi’s life, he wanted to be a part of the brilliance of someone that bright. He wanted to stand by Bokuto’s side, if the man—the physical embodiment of stardust—would have him.
Akaashi wanted to play next to him so that he could catch even a glimmer of the warmth Bokuto Koutarou exuded from his very being.
With this thought, he chased after that unattainable sun in the blue, blue sky, and submitted his high school applications for Fukurodani high school.
2.
“Hey, uhh, Akashi-kun.”
Akaashi glanced up from his sweeping to come face to face with the sun himself, looking at him with an expression of mild anticipation and sheepishness.
‘It’s Bokuto Koutarou,’ his brain helpfully supplied.
“It’s Akaashi,” Akaashi numbly added, staring up at the flecks of yellow in those sunset gold eyes. He was almost entirely positive he could get lost in those hues.
“Ah, right, Akashi-kun,” Bokuto repeated, completely butchering the freshman’s name once more. “Could you please help me practice spikes for just a little bit?”
Akaashi could have refused, but the twinkle in Bokuto’s eyes and the unwavering row of perfect, sparkling teeth kept him grounded there.
A star.
He was finally here standing next to a star.
Something ached in his chest, a kind of longing, muted by a dull happiness in living this moment right now. The moment he met Bokuto Koutarou face to face.
And this Bokuto Koutarou wanted to play with him.
How could he ever refuse?
A little bit, he said.
It would be fun, he said.
Akaashi bent over, feeling sweat bead down his face as the distant cries of ‘one more!’ echoed through the gymnasium. Each breath he took was like fire in his lungs, his body crying out for rest. How many hours had it been? This was a little bit?
“Akashi!”
“It’s Akaashi…” he choked out, exhaustion settling into his bones. He glanced up just as Bokuto bounded towards him, a grin as wide as the expanse of the endless sky fixed on his face.
“Your tosses are the best!”
And just like that, it was as if his weariness faded away just as the shadows thinned and disappeared with the break of dawn. Akaashi stood up straight, a prickling, warmth building in his chest, apart from the heat of a strenuous workout.
“Ah, sure,” he managed to say, overwhelmed by the heartfelt compliment. A star—the star on his volleyball team—loved his tosses. The star he watched from afar was now here, beside him, appreciating the mediocrity of his setups. It was surreal.
“Could you sound a little more fired up…”
He was fired up though. Akaashi wanted more of this.
He wanted to stay here in the sun’s warmth for as long as he could. As long as he was able.
Because as nice as this was, he knew that he couldn’t measure up to Bokuto’s brilliance for long. It was only time before another more competent setter who shined just as brightly as his senior came along and Akaashi would be replaced.
That was okay though—as long as Akaashi got to stand by Bokuto’s side for even a moment longer, it was enough.
He’d hold onto his star for as long as he was allowed.
It wasn’t supposed to hurt.
3.
They’d lost.
Fukurodani’s spikers couldn’t get past the opposing team’s blockers. And one by one, every setup was analyzed, stopped, and they were absolutely crushed.
Akaashi felt guilty for contributing to their loss. Every play he set only ended in failure and all the way up until the end of the match, he felt his team’s spirits dwindle and fall. In the end, they had suffered a disappointing end. Ultimately, it was due to his shortcomings as a setter.
And, seeing his star shining dully from underneath the school desk only exacerbated that feeling of shame.
He wasn’t sure how long Bokuto had been there if he was being completely honest. The moment they had returned from the preliminaries, Bokuto had entered the gymnasium with the others, made a beeline for the table and stayed under there for a long, long time.
Each moment felt like another day without the sun.
“Akaashi.”
Akaashi perked up, turning to the sound of the voice he’d grown to know like the back of his hand. “Yes.” Two bright golden eyes peered at him from their place under the lone corner desk. A shiver ran down Akaashi’s back as he suddenly realized that this was the first time Bokuto had gotten his name right.
“Practice spikes with me for a little bit?” Bokuto asked, though it sounded more like a command than an actual question.
And, in that moment, Akaashi thought once again about how blindingly Bokuto shone. Even like this, in his darkest moments, Bokuto always found a way to flourish. The clouds obscured the light for only a moment before the sun peeked out again, brighter than ever. In those golden eyes, Akaashi saw a determination, a strength that he himself wasn’t sure he possessed.
And, like a drooping plant in view of the brightest star in the sky, Akaashi responded.
“…of course.”
With that, a new day begun.
4.
Bokuto is the type of person who compels you to give it your all because you know he is giving it his all.
No matter what happens, tomorrow always comes.
No matter what happened, Bokuto always pulled through.
Because it was Bokuto, and he was always a constant, like the sun in the sky.
In contrast, Akaashi was like the dark expanse in the universe around the stars. He didn’t add anything to the night sky, but he was there, near every twinkle of the heavens. He would be lucky if he added to the shine of the stars at night, when during the day they couldn’t be seen as clearly.
But they were always there. Akaashi knew this.
Because Bokuto was always there, shining.
These thoughts raced through the second-year’s mind as he rushed forward towards Bokuto, hands raised high. He couldn’t hear his own voice amidst the yelling, but he could hear Bokuto’s booming, loud whooping as his hands rammed against Bokuto’s at the highest point they could reach.
That was an understatement, Bokuto could reach even higher than that. He could reach further than anyone ever could.
And, for the first time since meeting his star, Akaashi thought that maybe he too could reach the same heights as Bokuto for as long as they were together.
They were the protagonists of the world.
Akaashi wanted to cry. This was his moment. This was their moment. He wanted so desperately to reach the highs that Bokuto could. He wanted to stay by his senior’s side in the present moment. He wanted to stay by his side forever.
The sting Akaashi felt as their hands connected was like the hot, fiery intensity of the burning sun. It hurt, and it prickled, spreading from the tips of his fingertips to his ears. The power and raw emotion was packed into a single high five that Akaashi would burn into his memory forever.
Though he usually shone only half as brightly as Bokuto did, right now, he felt as if the two of them together could take on the world.
It was a farfetched, almost foolish wish, but in the heat of the moment, Akaashi thought to himself that maybe Bokuto cared about him just as much as Akaashi did. And, unlike other times, the thought pained him less.
Because Akaashi truly loved the sun and Bokuto Koutarou was the product of a million shining stars.
5.
Akaashi didn’t go to Fukurodani with great ambition.
He didn’t go to make a name for himself or even plan to aim for nationals. All he wanted was to capture some of the light that Bokuto radiated in the palm of his own hand. With that, he would be satisfied. He was a man with simple wants and needs.
So, of course, this came as a complete shock to him.
“Please go out with me, Akaashi!” Bokuto begged, a comical desperation clear in that familiar pout of his. They were alone in the clubroom after school, just the two of them in the quiet of an empty room. Akaashi wondered if he was being pranked.
“…please explain, Bokuto-san,” Akaashi asked, not understanding what was happening. Honestly, did he ever know what was happening when it came to Bokuto? Their teammates always teased him for knowing the ins and outs of Bokuto’s personality, but at times (like now), he was completely at a loss for words.
Bokuto groaned, a flush rising to his cheeks. Akaashi thought blues and yellows suited his upperclassman best, but now he was beginning to think otherwise.
“You know, like, on a date!” Bokuto exclaimed as if it were obvious. He twiddled his thumbs nervously. Akaashi didn’t like how the emotion settled on his face. “Just once and then I’ll leave you alone!”
Even like this, on the precipice of uncertainty, the man looked like the sun.
“A date?” Akaashi repeated, at a loss for words. Bokuto nodded furiously. “With me?”
“Yeah, I—” Bokuto stammered, laughing sheepishly. “I really like you, Akaashi! You always stay late with me to practice and you always hang out with me at school, and you always help me study even if you don’t know the material yet, and you always—”
Yes, he always did that. Because Bokuto was always himself. It was a given.
After all, seeing a star—Bokuto—shine the brightest was something Akaashi had grown to cherish. Though he had thought the sentiment was unrequited.
“And, I was thinking that maybe you didn’t dislike me, and that you actually liked me so I wanted to ask before winter break so that we could go on dates and stuff like all the couples do—”
Like all the couples do.
“But that’s fine if you don’t want to! I didn’t want to say anything if it was too weird cause we’ll still be playing volleyball and I don’t want you to be weirded out because I like you more than a normal person, but maybe you like me more than a normal person too so—”
“Yes,” Akaashi stated, cutting in before his senior could bite off his tongue. “I would love to go on a date with you.”
Perhaps it was ridiculous for Akaashi to accept so easily because clearly, if someone would come along who would fit as a better setter for their shining ace, then clearly, someone would come along who would fit better as a romantic partner for Bokuto as well. This was only some temporary relief and reprieve from his own insecurities—a flicker of hope in the dark, dark world that Akaashi inhabited. A world that wasn’t dark because he was dark, but because Bokuto was so luminous. So, he knew he would have to give up his star eventually.
Yet, the way that Bokuto’s eyes lit up dissolved all of Akaashi’s worries in an instant.
“Really?!” Bokuto exclaimed, wrapping Akaashi in a hug that made the second-year breathless. “Aghaaashi, you’re the best!”
Akaashi had to disagree. After all, it was Bokuto who was shining.
∞.
“There you go!”
Akaashi tentatively took the warm mug into his hands, watching the steam gently rise out from the top. He looked over to his boyfriend and smiled softly, inviting the man to sit next to him on the couch. “Thank you, Bokuto-san.”
“No problem, Keiji!” Bokuto chirped before flopping down against Akaashi. Anticipating his enthusiasm, Akaashi held onto his drink tightly so that it would not fly out of his hands.
“Would you like a sip?” Akaashi asked, offering the hot cocoa to Bokuto. As if he needed to ask when he knew the answer anyways.
Bokuto beamed, leaning over to slurp at the edge of the mug before giving the cup back to Akaashi with a happy hum. “Delicious as always!”
Akaashi huffed. “Isn’t that what I’m supposed to say, Bokuto-san? You made it for me.”
“But, it’s delicious, isn’t it?” Bokuto reasserted, bundling the blankets around them tighter. “Take a sip, Keiji!”
Akaashi brought his lips to the drink as well and took a long, contemplative sip as Bokuto fidgeted next to him. He pulled back, tapping the glass as if in deep thought. “Same as always.”
“So,” Bokuto smiled wide. “Delicious, right?”
“Mm,” Akaashi agreed, leaning over to pepper light chocolatey kisses onto his boyfriend’s cheek.
Bokuto squirmed in delight, leaning into Akaashi and giving the younger man twice as many pecks back. “I’m glad we get to spend Christmas together.”
Akaashi finished the last of his drink, sighing. “I’m… glad too.” He could have never imagined spending a lazy morning like this—curled up with his star, now boyfriend, next to the fireplace at Bokuto’s messy, but perfect apartment.
Bokuto’s grin reached his ears and he reached forward to take the mug from Akaashi. Akaashi shook his head, getting up on his own.
“You made me the cocoa so I’ll do the dishes.”
“You sure?” Bokuto blinked and Akaashi wanted to kiss him again.
“Yeah,” Akaashi leaned down to do just that, relishing the joyous crinkle around Bokuto’s eyes. “Thanks for the cocoa.”
“Anything for you, Akaashi!”
A ridiculous notion that Akaashi had to grow accustomed to from their few months of dating, but it made him warm regardless. Placing his slippers on his feet more securely, Akaashi headed towards the kitchen, past the Christmas tree at the edge of the hallway that reached the ceiling.
Except, he hardly stepped foot at his destination, turning to spot something at the top of the tree.
Bokuto was always someone who shone brighter than his peers, regardless of what he did. He tackled his tasks with fervor and no matter what he was doing, he tried his best, even if he failed to excel at it from the start. This was the same energy he used to move out of his home before university even started, the same energy he used to start up baking and cooking by himself, and the same energy he used to decorate his very first Christmas tree.
Yes, back to the tree.
“Bokuto-san,” Akaashi called out and Bokuto’s head peeked out from the living room.
“What’s up, Keiji?”
“What’s that?”
There was a scuffle as Bokuto moved to throw off their blanket and follow Akaashi to where he stood, staring at the top of the tree. Upon seeing the sight, the older man beamed.
“Oh, that’s you!”
“What?”
Bokuto reached up to grab the object off the top, presenting it to Akaashi. Akaashi turned it over, once, twice, still not entirely understanding.
“I started knitting a bit cause my grandma taught me,” Bokuto smiled, elaborating. He turned it over again so that it would face them. “I wanted to make a little you.”
Akaashi felt his cheeks redden. “Wh-wha—” He stared down at the small plushie, taking note the messy, but heartfelt details sewn in from the slant of Akaashi’s eyes to the squiggly five on the tiny Fukurodani jersey. “Why was it at the top of your tree, Bokuto-san?”
Bokuto blinked at him, as if the answer was glaringly obvious. “Because you’re my star?”
“That’s—” Akaashi began, feeling his throat tighten from emotion. “That’s ridiculous.”
Bokuto made an indignant noise. “It’s not. You really are!”
“No, I mean,” Akaashi whispered, and his voice came out smaller than he’d intended. “You were always my… it was you , who’s…”
“You’re my star.”
“Keiji,” Bokuto murmured in a slightly subdued way, lifting his hands to brush at Akaashi’s face. He leaned forward and the two of them met in a soft kiss, and Akaashi thanked the heavens for bringing them together. For letting him meet his star, and for letting his star think that he too shone just as bright.
When they pulled away, Akaashi let out a choked huff of laughter. “This won’t do, Bokuto-san.”
Bokuto pouted, looking down into Akaashi’s eyes. “I… I know, I’ll work on it—it doesn’t look like you yet.”
Akaashi laughed softly, shaking his head. “No, I mean, you need to be up there with me.” He thumbed over the details of the small plush. “Teach me how to knit, Bokuto-san.”
“Really?!” Bokuto grinned, taking Akaashi’s free hand. “You want to learn how!”
“As long as I do it with you.”
With that, the mug was left to sit in the sink, and they carried the small Akaashi plushie back to the couch where they both took up needles to work with. Akaashi listened to Bokuto excitedly explain the mechanics of the craft, gently threading loops through loops in a variety of different patterns. With each word, Akaashi listened attentively, enamored by the way Bokuto put himself into his hobbies wholly, without a second thought.
As Akaashi started to knit his own plushie of Bokuto with his boyfriend’s instruction, he thought about his star. He thought about the gold of Bokuto’s eyes, and the tug of his lips as he smiled as if he didn’t have a care in the world. He thought about his actions that spoke louder than words, and yet, when Bokuto spoke, his words were louder than any Akaashi had heard. He thought about how he was allowed to stay with a person who emanated such brilliance and that through Bokuto, he too had learned to shine.
But, maybe Bokuto saw a light in him that he couldn’t see himself.
Whatever the circumstance, Akaashi was grateful. Although he still feared being replaced or forgotten in the blinding light that was Bokuto Koutarou, he found comfort in the fact that Bokuto, just as Akaashi does, thought he too was someone that dazzled.
For every Christmas thereafter, there was a family tradition. Whenever one plushie went to the top of the tree, the other had to follow.
After all, they were both the protagonists of the world.
And they both were shining stars.