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“How long, Lord? wilt thou hide thyself for ever? shall thy wrath burn like fire?”
Psalm 89:46
It had been months since the courier with the aid of the local tribes expelled the White Legs from Zion, with Salt-Upon-Wounds being spared, and the Sorrows remaining secure in the valley. Joshua and Daniel had retired to their respective camps and tribes. Cee had followed Joshua as he thought Daniel wouldn’t have been very welcoming to the man who went against his wishes and settled in with the rest of the Dead Horses tribe for the foreseeable future.
In those months, of roaming around Zion and supporting the Dead Horses whenever he could, Cee’s list of things to do dwindled from a few to none, and he soon had to confront the question of why he was still there. Cee knew his friends and allies were waiting for him back in New Vegas; the amount of work he had to do when he returned made his head reel. So instead, he was out here, resting on a bank of Eastern Virgin, looking out into the cliffs, mind blank. It wouldn’t be any use to go home if he was too stressed and anxious to do anything there, but the longer he waited, the worse matters became, and the cycle continued.
Cee tried to banish these thoughts as he still gazed at the cliffs; the sun was setting, and the sky was aflame with orange and crimson hues. It was breathtaking, and Zion’s simple beauty never failed to amaze him.
Cee’s thoughts drifted to Waking Cloud, Follows-Chalk, and other various people he had met in Zion, but they circled, then stopped, on the ex-legate, Joshua Graham.
Graham was always remote, yet never off-putting, even though the embers of his anger remained stoked within him. Cee knew he could be kind to anyone, yet he couldn’t figure him out, no matter how hard he tried. Even when he would (arguably rudely,) pry into Joshua’s personal life, he wasn’t able to pick up any useful details of his personality. Cee did know of his troubled past, the everyday punishment of his burns, but Cee wanted to know more . The courier was like that, constantly, and this trait quite often led him to be at the receiving end of a gun barrel, but did curiosity ever really kill the cat?
He couldn’t help caring about the man either; sure, Cee cared about virtually everyone he met, but the amount of attention and concern he had for just this one guy made Cee move him from the “Positively Platonic” into the “Requires Further Investigation” zone.
And would it not be just Cee’s luck that that man would happen upon him now?
When he heard the crunch of footsteps behind him, Cee hovered his hand over the holster of his 9mm as he whipped his head towards the sound. Cee had to bite back a squeak of surprise when he realized it was Joshua who was approaching him, coming to a stop as he stood behind Cee.
“...The heavens declare the glory of God, and the skies proclaim the work of his hands.”
“Nice to see you too,” Cee paused as Joshua sat next to him, “What are you doing out here?”
“I could ask the same of you, Courier, care to indulge me?”
“Just thinking… of home, the tribe,” a moment passed as Cee glanced away from Joshua, “other things.”
“Whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy ,” a beat, “think about such things.”
“You gotta quote for everything?” Cee snorted.
“I find it only right that I do,” Joshua had re-captured Cee’s attention once more, “for as much as I study the scripture.”
Cee sighed, “Your book got anything about not being a spineless little bitch?”
At that, Joshua laughed and shook his head fondly at the courier, his eyes crinkling at the corners, “What’s troubling you?”
“Well,” Cee scratched the back of his neck in embarrassment, “I can’t go home.” When he saw Joshua’s look of surprise, he quickly backpedaled, “Not yet at least!”
Joshua turned himself towards Cee, “And why is that?”
“It’s complicated,” Cee sighed, “honestly, I’m just too stressed and anxiety-riddled to go back yet, at least as a functional human being. I know I need to go back to the Mojave as soon as possible, it’s imperative, and the worst part is the more I think about it the more stressed I get, it keeps building up and up, and I can’t stop it, I’m not in control, and honestly that’s my worst fear because when I have no control over the situation everything eventually always goes to shi-”
In an effort to put an end to his ramblings, Joshua placed a gentle hand on Cee’s shoulder and chided, “Cee.”
The courier swallowed thickly, eyeing the bandaged hand, “Joshua.”
“Breathe, you’re okay.”
The combination of those pacifying words and Joshua’s calming voice made something break in Cee, and, bursting with affection, he heavily leaned into the man’s touch, until his head rested on the other’s shoulder.
With some hesitation, Joshua carefully moved his hand to Cee’s head, running it through the curly locks, trying to comfort him. A few moments passed, and Joshua quietly said, “The Lord will help you find your way.”
“I’ll need more than that,” Cee replied. A silent question hung in the air. What?
Joshua felt like he already knew the answer, somehow. He didn’t understand how or why, but there was a gut feeling there. Somehow he’d moved closer to Cee during the few seconds that had passed, and was only a few inches or so from his face. The way Cee stared at Joshua made the feeling in his gut even stronger.
The way he stared, was with longing.
“Joshua- uh, I…” Cee trailed off.
The missionary began slowly, “Cee, I’m not sure I can provide what you’re asking for.”
“No! It’s- I- ugh, sorry, it’s hard to talk,” Cee cleared his throat and tried again, “You’re… perfect as you are, uh, what I’m trying to say is… arrgh-”
“I think I understand,” Joshua stopped him and stared intensely, “just, let me-”
And without a second thought, Joshua had shifted the bandages over his mouth off and held Cee close, eliminating the distance between him and the courier. Gently, softly, he pressed his heavily scarred and rough lips against Cee’s, like he was giving him an invitation.
It was at this moment Cee realized he was head over heels, and there was no stopping it. He kissed Joshua back, feeling his previous worries slip away. For now, at least, he was completely calm, if a bit mesmerized.
A beat later, Cee pulled away, grinning and turning beet red, “Thanks for that.”
Joshua ducked his head down in slight embarrassment, “Was that okay? I’m sorry if I-”
And Cee kissed him again.