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Rey tapped her hands against the steering wheel, eyeing the massive building nervously. Inane Christmas carols blared on the radio, praising snow and love and magic, but it was safe to say that she was not feeling festive in the least, not with her stomach a nasty tangle of anxiety.
As she mused bitterly to herself, Rey’s passenger door opened, and Finn slid in, smiling at her with a Santa hat perched jauntily on his head. “Hey, Peanut.”
“Hey, Big Deal.” Rey waited for Finn to pull his seat belt on before pulling away from the drop-off zone. Her throat closed up a little bit, and she forced her way through it to ask, “How was it?”
Finn grinned at her, looking strangely...bashful. “Didn’t do it.”
Rey slammed on the brakes, and Finn yelped as they screeched to a halt at a stop sign. “You what ?” Finn shrugged cheerfully, and Rey fought the urge to smack him. “Finn, you can’t just - not do dialysis! You can’t !”
“I can explain!” He held his hands up while peeking in the rearview mirror. “If you drive. There’s someone trying to get out behind you.”
Rey huffed but complied, her hands tight on the steering wheel - she debated just jerking the wheel and turning this damn car around, parking, and marching Finn into the Mount Coruscant Hospital Dialysis Center herself. “Explain faster!” She barked even though a full three seconds hadn’t even passed.
“Right, so, my doctor said it was better if I didn’t start dialysis-”
“What the hell kind of doctor-”
“Let me finish!” Rey glared and refused to look over. Fifteen years of being Finn’s best friend, and she already knew what face he was making. “Okay so - uh, I met with the nephrologist, and he said that it was better to not start dialysis before a transplant.”
“Yeah, but” - Rey’s throat tightened painfully, and she tried to focus on the road - “Finn, that could be a while from now, and-”
“Listen to what I’m saying, Peanut. The doctor said I shouldn’t start dialysis... before a transplant.”
She blinked, squinting out the windshield, and then looked over at Finn, her eyes opening wide. “- What ?”
“Mhm.” Finn leaned back on the headrest and grinned at her wide and easy. “It’s official. The donor was cleared and-”
Rey pulled the car over across two lanes of traffic (thankfully the road was deserted) and into the emergency lane. She threw the vehicle into park, Finn yelping the entire time, and she turned to jab her finger at her. “You better not be messing with me Finn Trooper because I swear to God -”
“It’s real. It’s really real, the surgery can be as soon as the 20th, and...Peanut?”
Rey slammed a hand to her mouth to stifle the sob that burst out of her. Finn patted her back soothingly, concern etched on his handsome face as Rey dropped her forehead to her sticky, ancient steering wheel and cried for the first time since Finn’s doctor told them he was dying.
***
Last month, things had been almost fine. Sure, Finn had consistently been too tired to do anything besides sit in front of his TV for a few hours every night, but Rey hadn’t thought anything of it, especially when his boss was such a taskmaster. But then she caught him vomiting one afternoon when she walked in unannounced - and he’d admitted that it was the sixth day in a row he’d thrown up.
Circles under his eyes, a strange tinge to his normally animated face: Rey and Rose had begged Finn to go to a doctor, but it wasn’t until he’d passed out one morning that they got an answer. Rose had rushed him to the hospital, and Rey had abandoned the project she’d been tinkering with at work as soon as she’d gotten the call from Finn’s wife; and only a few hours later, a grim-faced doctor told them that somehow, somehow, her hearty and hale best friend was in renal failure, with 85% loss of function in his kidneys.
“It’s not uncommon for us to catch it this late in the game,” the doctor had said to a sobbing Rose and a shocked-silent Rey. “Symptoms don’t usually show up until it’s almost too late.”
Too late.
Rey had checked as soon as they got the news - she had Type A Blood, and Rose was AB.
Finn was Type O.
They couldn’t even proceed to tissue typing.
So, Finn put on a brave face, and Rose was often found crying at the sink, pretending to clean dishes that had been cleaned upwards of four times already, and Rey buried herself in work as they all prepared for what was going to happen in the shockingly near future. She smiled at the appointments with the attorney, smiled at the meetings with the nephrologist, smiled dropping off groceries for Rose and Finn so they could spend some quiet time together, and smiled even when all she wanted to do was scream and hit something until her hands bled.
“It won’t hurt,” Finn told her quietly, all of one time, when they were writing his living will. Rose had left the room to call the hospital and set up his appointment. “If dialysis doesn’t work, or if I want to stop … Dying from - they said it wouldn’t hurt, much, in the end.” Rey had stared at Finn for a long, unbearable moment, and he’d smiled at her kindly, and she’d leaned over the arm of her crappy upholstered chair from the seventies, right in the middle of the attorney’s office, in sight of the attorney and pinched his arm hard enough to make him yelp. “ Hey, I’m the one who’s dying, here!” She’d glared at him silently until Rose returned, and then Rey switched back to just smiling and asking the questions the other two were too tired for.
***
Rose threw a joint Finn’s-Going-To-Live-and-Hey-Look-It’s-Mid-December Party the day after Finn told them there was a viable donor. Apparently, the man had only just met Finn, but had offered on a whim after hearing Finn needed a kidney.
“He tells it better,” Finn had said, too busy grinning and accepting adoring, wet smooches on the cheek from his wife, who’d curled up in his lap and sobbed when he sat down. He smiled softly and rubbed his nose against Rose's, and Rey had decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth; when Rose had suggested they throw a party to celebrate because they deserved to celebrate after the last few weeks of hell, Rey had offered her help, even though she categorically loathed all parties.
So, at the Finn’s-Going-To-Live-and-Hey-Look-It’s-Mid-December Party that she helped to plan, Rey stood in the corner awkwardly, drink (non-alcoholic, like all of the drinks they were serving, given the occasion) loose in her hand, and she tried to be happy that so many people were here to celebrate Finn’s good news, and not just plain overwhelmed. When her anxiety got too high, she escaped upstairs for fifteen minutes - at one point, she’d heard everyone roar with excitement, and Finn shouted something about “ The man of the hour! ” and Rey smiled, curled up on the guest bed, realizing that the donor had arrived.
Eventually, she pressed her face into the comforter, breathed in and out to the count of five half a dozen times, and steeled herself for the return to the jubilee. Even more people were packed into the downstairs when she emerged from the bedroom upstairs, her jumper arranged neatly over her slacks, her hair smooth, and her face hopefully less panic-attack-pink than it was quarter of an hour ago.
Rey sought the corner she’d been occupying before, but soon Finn made his way over to her, dragging someone behind him. “Peanut!”
“Hey.” Rey grinned at him with her arms wrapped around her middle. “What’s up?”
“What’s up? I’m gonna live, that’s what’s up.” Honestly, it was the fiftieth time he’d said that in the last twenty four hours, but Rey had yet to grow tired of hearing it. “Oh, hey, Peanut - haaaaave you met Poe?” The stranger was pulled forward in a way that could be described as abrupt, and Rey’s eyes flicked over - and her heart stopped.
“Guh-no?”
Oh, sweet Jesus. The stranger was a vaguely familiar, tragically handsome man, in his early or mid thirties, with black hair curling out from underneath a cute Santa hat. Cute Santa hat? Rey Smith, professed Grinch, lover of all things Scrooge, had never in her life applied the modifier cute to anything related to Santa. Oh, boy.
“Hey.” He held his hand out, and Rey gripped it on muscle memory, trying to stop her jaw from dropping. “I’m Poe Dameron.”
“Poe Dameron?” She felt a shock run through her. “ The Poe Dameron?”
“Yes ma’am.” He grinned sheepishly and pulled his hand away to rub his neck.
“But - you - you’re the best pilot alive!”
“That’s very kind of you to say.”
Don’t be rude, don’t be rude, don’t be rude. “Sorry, I just -”
“My girl’s a real aviation geek.” Finn wrapped an arm around her shoulders, grinning over at Poe freaking Dameron. “We used to save up our allowance so she could go to the Coruscant Air and Space Museum once a month.”
“I loved your mother’s exhibit,” Rey breathed, and Poe’s face flushed automatically.
Finn laughed and squeezed Rey’s shoulder, and she wasn’t sure if it was a warning for her to get it together or a supportive gesture. “She did. Peanut here did a report on Shara Bey what, six times in school? I think our Physics teacher actually banned her from doing any more research on the first female astronaut on the moon.”
Rey couldn’t stop staring at Poe, an idiot smile on her face; Poe looked oddly shy. The man was a legend, came from legends, and he was still shy? Rey found that more endearing than she should.
“Right, well, I’ll leave you to it, my boss just walked in!” Finn squeezed Rey’s shoulder one last time and clapped Poe on the leather-clad shoulder on the way by. “If I’m not back in thirty minutes, Phasma’s finally killed me.”
‘He’s joking, right?” Poe stared after him with genuine concern on his face. “Should we be actually worried?”
Rey snorted. “Nah, Finn knows I’d throw down for him.”
“I have no doubt.” Rey regretted her comment because it had caused Poe to turn back around and his full grin was firmly in place - and God, was that a dimple ? ABBA’s SOS started to blast in Rey’s head without warning. “So, I’m guessing your real name isn’t Peanut?”
Her face heated at an abnormal speed, causing her to splutter. “N-no. I’m, um, I’m Rey. Rey Smith.” She held her hand out for less than a millisecond before she pulled it back, embarassed, remembering that they’d already done that part.
“Rey.” His smile softened. “I like that. And I recognize the name; Finn’s told me about you.”
Poe freaking Dameron knew who she was? That was...unreal. But, it also reminded her:
“How do you know Finn?” She felt like Finn would have mentioned knowing one of the most famous men alive at one point during their best friendship - at least, she liked to think he would.
Poe gave her an incredibly strange look, and Rey’s stomach curdled with intensified anxiety. “Uh.” He pointed at himself, and then jabbed his thumb at the banner that was decorated with awkwardly drawn kidneys (Finn’s doing) and thumbs up emojis (Rose’s). “I’m sorta…”- he jabbed a finger at his upper abdomen - “about to be a third of a pound lighter?”
Rey stared at him, her eyes widening as it dawned on her. “Oh my God.” Her hands covered her mouth, and she squeaked in mortification. She pivoted her hands so her fingers hid her eyes. “Oh my God, you must think I’m an idiot.”
“I’m guessing you missed the part where I walked in ten minutes ago, and Finn stood on a coffee table and pledged to name his first three children after me.”
“Mhm.” Rey didn’t move her hands away from her eyes, well aware that her ears were bright red as they were burning peculiarly.
“Rose actually promised me the entire firstborn.”
“...Like Rumplestiltskin?” Rey peeked out from behind her fingers, and Poe huffed a laugh, adjusting his grip on the Deer Park in his hand.
“Something like that, yeah.” His smile was still kind, so Rey lowered her hands, fighting the urge to run back upstairs. “It’s nice though, really. Finn said he wouldn’t really spread it around that I was the donor. I sort of like to keep a low profile, and I didn’t want my buddy to be national news just because I happened to be a match.”
“How did you two become...buddies?”
Poe sighed, and he sat on the arm of the couch behind him, and Rey took a subconscious step forward to be nearer to him. He rested his elbow on his leg and looked up at her while he talked, and Rey tried to focus on his words and not his voice. “So, remember that nasty snowstorm from a couple weeks back? Ripped through the middle of the country?” Rey nodded. “So, Finn was out in Denver, right?”
Finn had been born in Denver, and had to travel to the hospital he’d spent time in as a child to get health records, due to some computer screw-up. Rose and Rey had both offered (begged) to go with him, but Finn said he wanted to go alone, and then there’d been the storm - by some miracle, he got out of the airport, on some private plane that gave him a lift.
Rey’s eyes widened further, and she gasped quietly. “You-?”
“Me.” Poe shrugged and set his water bottle down on the coffee table, leaning over to reach, and Rey tried not to ogle the line of his muscular frame as he did so: tried, and failed, when she saw the strip of tan skin revealed by his sweater riding up. He resumed the story after he was sitting upright again.
“Yeah, so this guy comes up to me and starts chatting about how great it would be if we didn’t have to stay in Colorado a minute longer, and I looked at him kinda funny and said, you need a pilot? And he was like, Yeah, I need a pilot, so I laughed and told him I’d give him a lift. On the way over, we got to talking, and he told me he appreciated it, because he wanted to spend every minute possible with his wife and his sister” - Poe didn’t notice the tears that rushed to Rey’s eyes, or at least, he was too polite to comment - “Because he wasn’t sure how much time he had left. And the rest, well,” he shrugged and smiled serenely, “Is history.”
“You just - you offered him a kidney? Just like that?” Rey blinked, not understanding. “But how - why-?”
“I’m O-Neg.” Poe shrugged. “Known that my whole life. And, well.” He cleared his throat, and then jerked his head to the corner Rey had favored so much at the beginning of the party, and they walked over together, side by side. Rey’s head spun from how much she was learning about the son of her lifelong hero, a hero in his own right, and she tried not to trip from dizziness.
Once they were in the corner, Rey smiled in what she hoped was an encouraging way at him. It worked, and he smiled back at her before speaking quietly.
“As I’m sure you know, Shara Bey died in 1994.” Poe stared out at the party for a second, and when he looked back, his eyes were even more serious than they were a minute ago. “I was ten. And it damn near destroyed my dad. Not sure if this was in your research, but she, uh, needed a heart transplant, but they couldn’t find one in time. I promised myself that if it ever came down to it, I’d do everything I could to make sure another family wasn’t...wasn’t broken like mine was.”
Rey didn’t know why she did - she was the least physical person in the world, she was pretty sure - but she reached out to take Poe’s hand. He smiled and shifted his grip so their fingers laced together, their hands hanging between them.
Rey couldn’t look him in the face when she said, “He’s my family.”
“Yeah?” He squeezed her hand, but Rey still didn’t look up from the floor, just nodded, weakly.
“My only family.” Mortifyingly, tears filled her eyes - she’d only cried the one time before that, in the car yesterday - but there she was, crying in front of a not-so-strange stranger. “I - We were in foster care together. Ran away, together. He’s the only family I’ve ever known, and I was so, so scared I was going to lose him.”
Her face crumpled, and she found she couldn’t continue - miraculously, Poe wrapped her up in his arms, his embrace warm and comforting, his chest solid as she curled up into him to cry. “Thank you,” she sobbed into his shoulder. “Thank you.”
“Of course.” Poe’s arms tightened around her, and even though she’d only just met him, some continually writhing, fluttering part of Rey seemed to still and quiet, deep inside her chest. “Happy to help.”
After her crying had slowed - luckily no one seemed to have notice the sad girl crying on the celebrity - Poe offered her a real, actual handkerchief from inside his well-fitting leather jacket, and Rey wiped her eyes, trying not to note how nice the scrap of fabric smelled (just like Poe had smelled lovely like sandalwood and soap and something that was super inappropriate to notice in your brother’s kidney donor).
“How are you so good?” Rey asked quietly, after Poe indicated she could keep the handkerchief. She ran the silk between her fingers anxiously. Poe didn’t answer her, and Rey dropped her eyes to the carpet, studying the pattern as she tried to explain herself. “I mean - you’d barely only met Finn, and you decided to do this life-altering thing. And - I’m not even going to talk about it, but look at what you’ve done. You’ve saved hundreds of lives, and you’ve risked your life to do it - how? I could never - I mean, I don’t think most people could ever dream to…”
Poe allowed her to ramble, a strange, half-smile on his full, pouty lips ( why are you looking at his mouth ). Rey sighed and shook her head, well aware she was making a fool out of herself, and her arms wrapped around her middle again. “Sorry. I don’t want to sound ungrateful. I just. I don’t know what happened in the universe that allowed for you to walk up to Finn and say, huh, guess he deserves one of my super important organs. Like, of course - I’m not saying he doesn’t, I guess it’s just - you decided so quickly, and most people definitely wouldn’t ever decide.”
“Here’s something to know about me, Rey Smith.” Poe cocked his head at her and smiled, managing to catch her eye. “When I know, I know.”
“Yeah?” Rey had never been sure of anything in her life, but as she studied Poe Dameron’s face, she was sure that it was a good face, and she was sure that she liked it, and the person behind it. More than she should.
Poe studied her face for a long time in return, and she was blindingly distracted by the way he caught his bottom lip between his teeth briefly. “Yeah.”
***
Somehow, the day of the surgery arrived with little to no complications - Fin had been a prime candidate for a donor kidney before then, as he’d never touched drugs or alcohol (an oath he’d made with Rey when she’d escaped Unkar’s wrath and fists for the umpteenth time), and had always tried to take care of himself. Poe, as an ace pilot, was already in prime health, and with shockingly well-matched markers, was an ideal donor in all respects.
Poe had spent a lot of time with them leading up to the surgery, and Rey had tried not to get too caught up in the orbit of his sun, but it was impossible. Poe was confident, but never cocky, funny, but never rude, sweet, but never cloying - he could tell a story and have them all listening with bated breath, but he’d listen to her or Rose tell a story about a mundane task with keen, unforced interest, making it feel as though going to the grocery store and realizing they’d left the coupon at home was an Oscar-winning screenplay. Poe gave his all to literally everything he did, and Rey was overwhelmed, constantly, at everything he was.
They had the same taste in movies - Rey had cackled madly when Poe said Die Hard was the greatest Christmas movie ever made, and Rose had screeched, “ God, there’s another one!” - the same taste in music - bands Finn referred to as dinosaur rock - and the same taste in planes. Both of them were quiet and reflective by nature (Poe was much, much better at putting up a sociable face in public, an extroverted introvert), and Poe was gentle where Rey was rough, in a way that never made her feel aggressive or uncouth, but rather, appreciated for a different point of view.
Rey realized in less than a week that she was extremely fond of Poe Dameron, and she had absolutely no idea how to bring up the fact that she had a highly inconvenient more-than-crush on him; how could you tell a person you were pretty sure you could fall in love with them, when they were saving the life of one of the two people in the world you loved?
So, Rey found herself sweating bullets for more than one reason on the day of the surgery, and she kissed Finn on the forehead when he went into to prep; Rose left with him, and Rey waved with anxiety tearing up her spine as her best friend disappeared from view. She trudged to Poe’s room, where he’d gotten settled an hour before, and she saw an attractive older man with gray hair at Poe’s side, holding the pilot’s hand, whispering something in Spanish.
“Sorry,” she squeaked, her hand gripping the doorframe. “I didn’t mean to-”
“Rey!” A broad smile broke out across Poe’s face, and she saw his cheeks turn pink. “I didn’t expect to see you.”
“Here I am.” She waved abruptly, a small movement of her hand, stiff and nervous, at her shoulder. I have never waved like that, ever - what the hell is wrong with me?
“Que interesante.” The older man pointed a finger at Poe’s vitals, and Poe hissed something back in Spanish. Rey looked over in confusion, and saw that Poe’s heart rate was at a slightly higher clip than it was when he was just talking one-on-one. The man - Poe’s father, she realized, looking closer at his still-handsome, slightly wrinkled face - grinned at her. “You’re the Rey?”
“I don’t know many others.” She forced herself to let go of the doorframe and walked into the room, feeling a bit like Bambi on his first steps. Rey extended her hand, praying that she looked halfway normal. “Rey Smith.”
“Kes Dameron.” Definitely Poe’s father. His grin grew a little teasing. “You came by to say good luck to my boy as well?”
“Yes sir.” Rey couldn’t lift her eyes off her feet, more than mortified - she thought she’d just stop by, not confess how big her crush was, wish good luck to Poe, but here she was, making an ass out of herself in front of his dad.
“I’ll let you do that, then.” Kes stood from the bedside chair, and Rey held her hand up imploringly.
“No, no, I didn’t mean to intrude - I’m sorry, I’ll just-” She jabbed her thumb behind her, but Kes waved a hand at her cheerfully, grinning at her before ducking down to kiss the crown of Poe’s head.
“No, I’ve been here for a while. Go right ahead, Rey.” He smoothed his thumb in the shape of a cross over Poe’s forehead and stared at him lingeringly, and Poe gripped his father’s forearm, eyes drifting shut. Rey felt more awkward than before, as she was witnessing something definitely far too intimate, too personal, for having known Poe for so little time. “Love you, mijo.”
“Love you too, papa.”
“And mijo?” Kes squeezed Poe’s shoulder, grinning over at Rey one more time. “Ya entiendo.”
“Stop it,” Poe muttered, the heart rate monitor beeping a little faster for a few seconds again. Rey stared at the tan blanket covering Poe’s legs, willing herself not to melt through the floor at any point.
“Nice to meet you, Rey.” Kes passed her on the way to the door, and bumped against her shoulder cheerfully; Rey tried not to keel over. “Take good care of my boy before they come to get him, okay?”
“Okay.” Rey managed to smile at him, albeit nervously. “I’ll see you out there?” She gestured vaguely towards the waiting room, and Kes smiled at her.
“I’ll save you a seat.”
Then, he was gone, and Rey was alone in the room with Poe. She’d already vastly overstayed her welcome, she was sure, but Poe indicated the chair next to his bed, and Rey settled down in it, scooting it a little closer when he asked her to.
Poe rested his head on the pillows behind him and smiled at her with obscene fondness. “Hey.”
“Hi.” Rey twisted her fingers together in her lap, and willed the silly smile off her face. Every time she tried though, it was like the intensity of Poe’s quiet smile surged, his dimples deepening, his eyes crinkling a little more, and she approached near-swoon all over again. While she was willing up the nerve to say something of substance, Poe reached out, his tan skin in distinct contrast to the hospital sheets, the white of his id bracelet, and rested his hand on the bar around his bed.
Rey took it without a second thought, slipping her fingers through his; after a second, she pulled her chair all the way up to the bed and wrapped her other hand around their clasped hands. She stroked over his palms and knuckles with her thumbs, staring at where they were joined, and still not saying a word.
“This is nice.” Poe’s voice was soft, thoughtful, genuine. Rey nodded and looked at him, appreciating the warmth that passed between them. Then, Poe’s brow furrowed, and he sighed, pressing the side of his face to the blanket. “Oh, jeez.”
“Oh, jeez, what?” Rey frowned in concern, and it only got worse, when he groaned slightly. “Are you - are you in pain? Is something wrong?” She studied his vitals frantically, but Poe only huffed in what sounded like dry amusement.
“Nothing. I mean. Nothing is medically wrong.” Rey nodded, her throat tight from anxiety, and settled back down as well as she could. “It’s just - they counsel you for this, you know? They talk to you about regret, and second-guessing, and doubt...and I know who I am as a person, who I’ve always been. I wasn’t really worried about regrets or anything like ‘em when I said yes, but now…”
Rey felt like she was going to throw up, and she hated herself for how selfish her reaction was. She blinked rapidly, but didn’t let go of Poe’s hand - after all, this was his decision, and his kindness. She wouldn’t blame him if… “So, you’re second guessing this?”
“What? God no, not at all, I only meant” - Poe tightened his grip on her hand, bringing the other hand over, the one hooked up to the IV, to cover the back of hers - “Hey, sweetheart, look at me.” Rey did, trying not to show how badly her lip was quivering. “There you are. No, I only meant - I’m saying this because I want to be honest. I know there’s a very slim chance that something could go wrong today, and I don’t want it hangin’ over me for the next however many minutes that I didn’t...that I never…”
Suave, calm Poe looked incredibly flustered, and Rey squeezed his hands comfortingly, a little confused, but hoping to help him settle. Poe smiled at her, a flash of teeth before the smile soothed into something quieter. “Thanks. Anyway, I don’t want you to...you don’t have to react to this, at all. But I’d kick myself in the afterlife if I never told you.”
“Told me what?”
“It’s not even that I’m worried I’m going to die, you know, because if I don’t wake up, okay, I’ll have gone out helping someone who a lot of people love, but it’s more, I guess it’s just, I mean-”
“Poe.” Rey giggled slightly, hearing the heart rate monitor pick up behind her a little bit. “Maybe try a deep breath?”
“Yeah. Right.” Poe blew out his breath in one go, and Rey smiled at him through the whole thing. “I wanted to - I wanted to ask you out.” What ? Rey stared at him in shock, and Poe smiled guiltily. “Yeah. Basically the second I saw you at the party, even before Finn introduced us. I looked at you, and I was like, whoa. Her. Go talk to her. And come to find that you weren’t only gorgeous, but also smart, and kind, and fiercely loyal to those who’d earned it, and - God.” Poe squeezed his eyes shut for a second, and stroked his thumb over the back of her hand. “It’s been tearing me up. Because I was so, so sure when I met you. Surer than I’ve ever been, and I’ve been following my gut since I took my first step. But I couldn’t do anything about it, you know? At least, I shouldn’t. Because the last thing I want is for you to feel like you have to say yes, or that you owe me anything, because Finn is your family, and you love him, and I feel like the biggest ass in the world dumping this on you because you don’t owe me anything, please, believe me, and-”
Poe’s nurse walked in the room, and Poe cut himself off, looking slightly strangled. His smile was definitely sad now, as he looked at where Rey’s hands were still locked with his. Slowly, surely, Rey pulled her hands from his grip, and Poe nodded, looking resigned, and so incredibly crushed; he released her hands without a fight, and smoothed his palms over the blanket, staring at the ceiling, his throat working over something furiously.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean to - I just wanted to let you know that I’ve never felt about anyone the way I feel about you.” The nurse tensed in the corner, having obviously overheard him.
“Excuse me, miss?” Rey addressed the nurse, who turned around, writing something down in a chart.
“Yes?”
“Is it okay to kiss someone before they go into surgery?”
The nurse grinned at her, and Rey could feel Poe’s eyes on her face; she blushed and scrunched her nose up, waiting for her answer as the nurse looked at Poe, and then back at Rey, and then back at Poe. “Oh dear God, please do.” The nurse tucked her clipboard under her arm and snorted, walking out of the room quickly. “ Please. ”
Rey slowly dragged her eyes over to Poe, and saw that he was, in fact, staring at her. She’d never been looked at the way he was looking at her, with stars in his eyes, his lips parted slightly, hope etched into every line of his face. “So?” Rey leaned forward, tracing a pattern aimlessly against the side of the bed. “What d’you say?”
“Yes.” Poe bit his lip one last time, sitting up quickly and holding his hand out to her. Rey stood from her chair and leaned over his bed, and slid her fingers along his palm, down his arm, and to his shoulder. She gripped it firmly, her eyes moving from his eyes, to his lips, and back to his eyes, and Poe studied her similarly as she grew closer to him. His hand cupped her cheek delicately, and Rey tilted her head before brushing her lips over his.
He made a soft noise against her mouth before pressing against her a little more firmly, and Rey kissed him more confidently than she’d ever kissed anyone, first time or no. It lasted less than ten seconds, but she was pretty sure it was the most perfect kiss of all time because it was with Poe, good, sweet, honorable Poe who’d been sitting on his own crush for fear of perceived exploitation.
Idiot. Noble, sweet idiot.
“Wow.” Poe was even more starry-eyed when she pulled away, and Rey nodded in agreement, settling back down in her chair.
“You can say that again.”
“Wow.” Poe reached out for her hand again, and they sat like that until the anesthesiologist showed up.
“I’ll see you on the other side?” Rey said softly as the mask was fitted over his mouth. Poe nodded, smiling at her, and she focused on that smile as his eyes drifted shut.
***
Six hours later, Rey slipped back into Poe’s room to find him sleeping, his dark curls rumpled, and his vitals still strong. Kes had just left, only crying a little bit, which was fair because Rey had also cried a little bit (they’d gone to the cafeteria and cried together over cold, stale sandwiches).
“Hey,” she whispered, slipping into the chair at his side. “You’re not awake yet, but you will be soon.” She put her hand over his, stroking the pulse inside his wrist with her finger as delicately as she could. “I’ll wait.”
And she did.