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Settling into the tower now that Steve was back and Bucky had arrived was a completely different kind of adventure. Tony was still jumpy, and his depression was probably worse than ever despite Steve not rejecting him.
It was going to be a long journey. The pain that splashed against Steve's face and Tony's Soul ring for him whenever Tony flinched away from touch left them all a little on edge, left the soul ring flashing blue with sadness and guilt more often than not. Tony was hurt and scared, and Steve constantly felt like his heart was being crushed under the weight of what he had done.
Bucky was a wonderful companion for them both though, despite his struggles with conditioning the tower was a calm, quiet place for him, and having his mates within easy distance made every struggle worth his time and effort.
Steve walked on a thin line. He had a lot to make up for, as often reminded by his team and the blue his soul ring for Tony often sported. It was tense and rocky to start with. There was no arguments, but then, there wasn’t much talking either.
Tony would go on engineering binges, Bucky and Steve would sit quietly in the workshop to be close to him, but to also give him the time he needed to warm up to them.
It had finished winter, and advanced on summer by the time they were finally having regular meals together and the team had backed down, they were beginning to function as a family again.
They were not without their faults however, and Tony knew they still had a lot of issues to sort through.
It was a late night during summer, some-time after they had finally begun to sleep together at night- and only sleeping, despite Tony’s reputation, he didn’t actually sleep with all that many people and he wanted to wait for when it felt right, even if it was causing sexual tension amongst them- that everything boiled down to one moment, the make or break in their fragile relationship.
Tony had come to bed on time for once, something his super soldiers were so incredibly pleased about, and all three were fast asleep. The time ticked past 1am when Tony started to twitch, breathing picking up fasted, images flashing behind his eye.
He was back in Afghanistan, but instead of himself being tortured, he watched as the men pushed Yinsens’ child’s head under the water again and again. Tony screamed at them to stop, struggling to move where he was paralysed. The scene warped and he was struggling through the desert, gasping for air as the heat and sand burned his skin and lungs, his wounds from the mark 1 crash raw and bleeding. He lurched forward and fell, and fell and fell, through the black hole, past the Chitauri, through space and the clouds and then he hit the ground.
Tony bolted upright with a scream, the vastness of space and the desert and memories of toture underwater clouding his vision. Hands gripped his arms and he choked, struggling against the waterboarding as he tried so bring his head up to draw in air.
Except he was breathing air, and he wasn’t back in Afghanistan, he was in his room in the tower and It was Steve and Bucky gripping his arms, murmuring in his ears.
“Your name is Anthony Edward Stark, it’s the 15th of July, you’re in the avengers tower and with your soulmates, James Barnes and Steve Rogers” Bucky soothed, lifting a hand off of Tony’s arms when he stopped struggling in favour of running it through the other mans hair. On Tony’s other side, Steve sat trembling, pressing fearful kisses into Tony’s shoulder.
Tony swallowed hard, shaking his head roughly.
“I’m okay” he choked out, voice like gravel.
Bucky pulled him closer, running his fingers over Tony’s cheek.
“You don’t have to pretend with us doll, do you wanna talk about it?” He asked, and Steve let out a noise of agreement, pulling the two back onto the bed with him.
“It’s- ugh it’s hard to explain” Tony hissed, dragging his hands down his face.
“We’ll listen baby” Steve hushed, lacing their fingers together.
“It was a bit of everything you know? Being held hostage and tortured in Afghanistan, the Chitauri attack…” He let out a pent up breath, noticing Bucky’s frown and look of confusion.
“Buck?” Tony asked gently.
“I know about the Chituari but… Afghanistan?” he asked, and Steve tensed while Tony caved a little.
“You… you really don’t know” Tony sighed.
“I’m sorry, I-“ He started but Tony shook his head.
“Does ‘Merchant of death’ Sound familiar to you?” He asked, and Steve buried his face in Tony’s neck. Steve knew a little about Afghanistan, and Tony’s past, to know that out of the two of them, he was better equipped to understand Bucky’s pain and torment.
“I heard whisperings, Hydra seemed pretty smug about whoever it was” he said, wondering how this connected with Afghanistan.
Tony looked at the ceiling and took a deep breath before launching into his story.
“It was me, I was the merchant of death.” He paused to let the impact of the statement settle in, and felt Bucky tense.
“When I took over stark industries, it was all about weapons and war. It was what my father wanted, I continued it because it was all I’d ever known, it was what I was taught to be and part of me just wanted to spite the old mans’ memory, show him that I could build better weapons than he ever could. I supplied wars and caused so many horrible things. It was on a work trip, suppling weapons to our armed forces, when our convoy was attacked…” and so Tony continued, telling them of the good men that had died, of the torture and Yinsen and the first iron man suit. When he finished he didn’t stop, he told them about coming back, about Obi and his betrayal, about all the other villains he had encountered before the avengers, about his PTSD and his nightmares, his fears and what he had become.
By the end, it was past 2am, and he could hardly speak another word, so tired and overwhelmed with memories. But part of him, he knew, could finally let go. Finally he had spoken about all he’d been through and he knew, it was over.
“You’ve been through so much” Bucky breathed out, reeling a little and gripping his lovers. He could have lost Tony before he even knew he was alive.
Steve nodded in agreement. “I had an inkling but… it’s so much”
Tony shut his eyes slowly, exhausted.
“I survived… I survived and I really want us to work. I know what happened wasn’t ideal and I was hurt, I was so hurt that even why I tried to pretend it was okay I ended up spiraling more and pushing you both away. But I can’t pretend anymore, I need you both, and I really care about you two. I think, I’m finally ready to let go, and stop being me and you two, and start being us” Tony swallowed, it was a lot but, her was ready, and the relief he felt after all those tense months was immense.
“So are we baby, you’re already so precious to us” Steve hummed happily, and Bucky chuckled wetly.
“We’re gonna protect you for the rest of our blessed lives stark, I hope you’re ready” he sniffled, lifting Tony’s hands to see the yellow soul band around his fingers.
“I’m more than ready”