Archive of Our Own ^beta

Another day, another case, another criminal they've found but not yet managed to apprehend.  That's how it goes a lot of the time, and though Kate often feels like they're fighting a losing battle, she has to remind herself that they have won.  Small victories, perhaps; never enough to make the bad guys go away forever, but enough to keep them at bay for awhile longer.  That's probably all they'll ever achieve. 

This particular criminal has committed three murders to date, and possibly done quite a few other bad things as well.  They always have, Kate finds; though they'll never pay for those abuses under the system of law, she hopes to God they'll pay for it later.  Her job is just to bring them in where they can be put on trial for the charges against them.

He's not home, though signs show he should be soon—he has no job to speak of, so it's probably only a need for groceries and other essentials that has pulled him out of the apartment.  She's waiting for when he does return, with Ryan and Esposito pinching off all the exits, and there will be no escape.

Oh, she's looking forward to nabbing this guy.

She hears footsteps on the stairs and pulls out her gun, giving Castle the look that says, be quiet, please, and stay out of the way, and waits for him to appear.

Footsteps approaching the door, the sound of a key in the lock.

It seems to take him ages to open the door, but when he does, Kate is ready: gun up and pointed at his head, she yells, freeze!

So of course he takes off running.

She swears and starts to chase after him—not that she hadn't expected this, but really, will they ever decide to come quietly?  He whips around the corner, Kate close behind him and Castle somewhere behind her, and she has to remind herself that, no matter what happens, he's not getting away.

Through the door at the end of the hallway, down the stairs, and his groceries have been scattered there as if to trip her up, but there's no sign of the bag.  That's slightly odd, but she doesn't think about it too much because she's busy trying to stay on her own feet and shouting out a warning to Castle to watch out, because he's trying to make things difficult.

She can hear him reach the bottom of the flight of stairs and take off down the hallway, and then the slam of a door.  She rounds the corner to find that he's shut the hallway off to her, because even though the door doesn't lock, it's pretty well jammed in place.

She swears again, reminds herself that Ryan and Esposito will get him, and gets to work on opening the door.  It refuses to budge, and she considers just going down the stairs and catching up with the guy that way, but there's always the chance he's still on this floor.  Besides, the door won't take that long to open.

Then she hears Esposito's shout and then a gunshot, and the door cannot move fast enough.

It's a sudden burst of adrenaline that gives her enough strength to get the door out of its frame and she throws it open as she runs through, not caring that it slams into the wall behind her hard enough to leave a dent.  Someone's been shot and she has to get there to make sure everything's okay.

She hopes to God it was Ryan or Esposito who fired the gun, and not the perp.

They're not in the hallway, but as she rounds the corner to the next flight of stairs, she finds them, and oh God oh God oh, God this is not how things were supposed to go.  Ryan's lying on the ground in a pool of his own blood and Esposito's there with him instead of chasing the guy—not that she blames him for it—and she doesn't know what to do.

"Is—" she begins, but Esposito cuts in before she can even figure out what she's going to ask.

"He went down the stairs!" he says; Kate doesn't have the heart to say something about him telling her what to do, just keeps moving to catch the bastard who did this. She hears Castle approach Esposito behind her, trying to offer him comfort like only Castle does, and while that's all very kind, she's not going to have it.

"Castle!" she calls—no, screams—no, says, and she'll swear her voice holds none of the desperation she's feeling. Kate Beckett doesn't let herself think about how glad she is that she has backup. She doesn't admit that she's scared to be alone because the same thing might happen to her.  All those thoughts and feelings are unnecessary, and they will do nothing to help her now.

Down numerous flights of stairs she runs, and damn New York City for deciding to make their apartment buildings so many stories; the guy could have stepped off at any landing, be standing in wait to ambush them, but she's taking her chances that he ran. At last, she reaches the main lobby on the first floor and as Castle skids around the corner just behind her, she's forced to that she doesn't know where to go. Regardless, she hurls herself through the doors and peers up and down the street as if expecting to see a sign, or maybe the perp himself, guiding her to whatever she must do next.

There is nothing, not even a pedestrian that can help her out, and she's forced to admit defeat.

Castle finally catches up with her there, kindly doesn't remark on her slumped shoulders or ragged breathing, just says something about how they'll catch him, really, but now it's best if they see to Ryan. Kate starts; how could she have forgotten?, and it's only Castle's hand on her shoulder that keeps her from sprinting back up to where he is. If the stairs seemed numerous on the way down, it's nothing to how they seem on the way back up. Despite Castle's best efforts to calm her, they're running again by the time they reach Esposito.

He's sitting there pressing down on Ryan's shoulder with his shirt, but there's still blood coming out.

"Paramedics are on their way," says Esposito as she drops down on her knees by his side. Ryan's unconscious, and Kate is glad for each rasping breath he draws, because it means he's still alive. Castle stands at her shoulder, watching quietly and offering support though he does not touch her now; lets her grieve on her own.

The paramedics arrive maybe five minutes later, but it's the longest five minutes she's  ever spent. She doesn't move, doesn't breathe, hardly, just waits for a sign that he's getting better, hopes beyond hope that she's dreaming. It is the pounding of their feet on the stairs that finally pulls her from this thoughts, and she robotically moves out of the way to let them get to Ryan.

It's not as chaotic a scene as it ought to be, by all rights; the paramedics mutter calming words in low voices as they collect the body—no, not that, he's not dead—and head down the stairs, Ryan suspended between them on a stretcher that seems wholly inadequate given the gravity of the situation. At last, they are outside, and Ryan's loaded into the ambulance. Kate and Esposito come to a silent agreement that he will ride with Ryan and she and Castle will follow behind, and they split up.  She unlocks the doors of her car, climbs in, but doesn't do anything; right now, she doesn't feel like driving.

"He'll be all right," says Castle quietly and she nods because she can't let herself think of anything but that.  Everything that had happened—it's all done now, and there's no use dwelling on it.  And yet she cannot stop herself; her mind replays the scenario ceaselessly, each time substituting in a different action on her part: if she'd been more ready, if she'd waited where he couldn't see her, if she'd run after him faster.

Ryan wouldn't have been shot.

"Kate," says Castle, almost whispering now, "Kate, none of this was your fault."

"Shut up," she barely manages to force out, and damn him for knowing so well what she was thinking.  She can tell that he's giving her a look, probably full of pity and understanding and a hundred other things she doesn't want Castle to make her feel right now so she takes the only feasible course of action and ignores him.  He doesn't try to say anything else, but neither does he look away.

At long last, she starts up the car and puts it into gear; accelerates toward the hospital probably faster than she ought, trying to weave her way through the traffic that has been disrupted in the wake of the ambulance.  Castle is watching her with concern now but she refuses to ask him for help.

This, like so many other things, is her burden to bear, and her burden to bear alone.