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“Will you be my boyfriend?” Ichigo asked nervously.
Uryuu just stared at him blankly. Mouth agape. “Ichigo…” Ishida spoke softly. “Of course.”
A small smile spread across Ichigo’s face. “Really?!” Ishida chuckled and intertwined his fingers with Kurosaki’s.
That was two months ago. When things were so much easier. Back when Ichigo was sure Uryuu felt the same way. Now? Well now things were complicated. They were on a break. Why you may ask? Because Ishida doubted Ichigo had strong enough feelings for him. Ishida wasn’t very trusting of those around him. He didn’t believe he was deserving of love. And to find someone who made him feel so safe, it was only a matter of time until his insecurities caught up with him. Now Ichigo was left to lay awake at midnight on his bed, mind full of negative thoughts. How could he have shown Uryuu that his feelings were true? Ichigo wasn’t used to showing outward affection. It confused him. Made him almost uncomfortable. He should have considered that before trying a relationship. He felt so many things, absolutely. He was capable of feeling, he just wasn’t very capable of showing. And because of that, he lost the only man he had ever loved.
“Hey Rukia? You awake?” Ichigo whispered through the dark.
He heard his closest door side open a bit. “Yeah. What’s wrong Ichigo?”
Kurosaki’s chest tightened. “Do you think we’ll ever make it work?” He didn’t need to mention Uryuu’s name. Rukia knew.
“I don’t know Ichigo. That’s up to you and him. You love him don’t you? And he loves you, correct? Then I don’t see why there has to be any problem. Sometimes you need to change yourself a little to be with someone you love. Sometimes you need to talk about these things with one another. Have you tried that?”
Ichigo sighed, “No I haven’t. I thought he knew me well enough to know I’m bad at showing affection. I thought he would understand. Him of all people should understand me by now.”
Rukia was silent for a moment, but finally broke the silence. “He does know you, Ichigo. Although in relationships you have to make sacrifices. Step out of your comfort zone. Maybe he had made a bad choice of saying yes and then leaving you after knowing you’re no good at affection. But maybe he thought you would change for him. He changed for you. You know Ishida has never trusted a soul. And yet he put his heart in your hands. Think about how scared he must have been.”
Ichigo never really considered how Uryuu felt in that moment. He must have been so afraid, but he gave this relationship a chance. And Ichigo couldn’t even say I Love You out loud. “I’ve fucked up hard, haven’t I?” Rukia didn’t answer. Yet Ichigo knew what she wanted to say.
“Just don’t be yourself sometimes. You’ll learn to adapt.” She was right. How was Ichigo going to fix things though?
The next morning at school Ichigo showed up late. He hadn’t slept most of the night, and skipped breakfast and his first two classes. His mind was just filled with anxious thoughts. Orihime noticed Ichigo looked a little pale. “Hey Ichigo, you okay?”
Ichigo lifted his head up and looked into her direction. He gave her a weak smile and nodded. Class was starting, so there was no time to talk. He watched as Uryuu took his seat. Ichigo’s heart thumping with every move that Ishida made.
The bell for lunch finally rang. All the kids hurried out of class, some stayed behind to talk. Orihime approached Ichigo. “Hey Ichigo, wanna go grab lunch with me?”
Ichigo smiled but declined her offer. “I have something I need to do.” Orihime smiled and hugged her close friend before heading out. Now it was just Ichigo and Uryuu left. The air was so thick. “Hey Uryuu. Can we.. talk?”
Ishida pushed up his glasses and turned to face Ichigo. “What do you want?”
Ichigo swallowed hard and sat in the seat in front of Ishida. “I’ve just… Uh, I've been thinking. And I’m sorry. I should show you more how I feel about you. I didn’t mean to make you feel so unloved.” Ishida’s expression never changed. It made Ichigo nervous, but he continued to talk. “Uryuu. I… fuck. I love you, okay? I can’t stand being without you. I’m sorry for ruining your trust in me. I’ll change for you if it means I’ll get to keep you in my life forever.” Ichigo swore his heart could beat out of his chest if he kept talking. His love and anxiety tying itself into a knot in his stomach. And all Uryuu did was stare at him.
“Show me.” Ishida suddenly blurted out. It caught Ichigo off guard.
“Show you..?” What did he mean?
“Yes. Show me you love me.”
Oh. Ichigo could be such an airhead sometimes. But how would he show him? He thought about it for a minute, until finally an idea struck him. It made him even more nervous than he already was, but he decided it was the only way to get the one he loved back.
Slowly, leaning closer to Uryuu in his seat, Ichigo lowered his head and stopped with his lips mere centimeters away from Uryuu’s. Ichigo could feel Ishida’s hot breath on his lips. He could barely keep his eyes off of Uryuu’s lips, but looking up at his lover, he noticed a light blush spread across his features. That blush gave Kurosaki the courage he needed to collide his lips with Uryuu’s. Both men inhaling ones scent, Ichigo pushed himself harder into the kiss. This had been their first one of this whole relationship. It was lighting a fire in the pit of both of their stomachs.
Slowly the kiss ended. Ichigo pulled away first, a small string of saliva connected their lips. Ichigo couldn’t help but chuckle. “I love you Ishida.”
Uryuu smiled, a blush still apparent on his face.
“I love you too Kurosaki.”