Work Text:
I pushed back as Al pushed me forward, giggling in amusement at my reluctance. I heaved a sigh as I observed Edward, who was completely unaware of what we were doing as he faced his back to us to talk to some people who would hopefully help us in our endeavor.
“Al, are you sure?” I asked him again, looking back at him.
“You’ll never know if you don’t try” He told me from the depths of his armor.
“But he’s your brother” I took a step to the side so he would stop pushing me already. “How do you think he will react?”
Alphonse made a pause and then he chuckled. For such a tall and imposing presence, he could look pretty sheepish and small sometimes.
“I can’t really say, you know how he is” Just as he finished talking, Edward turned around.
For a moment he frowned at the sight of us bickering and struggling, but then he grinned widely in that way of his, probably thinking we were just being playful.
“Here he comes!” I nervously tapped Al’s metal arm, feeling my heart flutter. “Al! I can’t do it!”
“Of course you can, he’s your friend after all” His heavy gloved hand fell over my shoulder comfortingly. “Just talk to him like you normally would”
“But I’m not going to talk about something normal!” I gulped as I watched him approach us and rolled my eyes in annoyance with myself. “How can I have fallen for that nerd?”
Al was still enjoying himself watching me suffer like that, because he giggled again. If he weren’t my friend and I didn’t think it was cute, I would have told him off.
“What’s going on?” Edward asked us calmly, although a bit confused.
“Nothing…” I glued my glance to the ground, too flustered to meet with Ed’s golden eyes.
“Y/N…” Al softly pushed me closer to his brother, but I still refused to say it.
“Okay, Al just called you short” I briefly looked up to his face, which turned red in pure outrage.
“What?!” Edward shouted, so loudly that some people turned around to know what was happening.
“Y/N!” Alphonse complained, putting his hands on his hips in annoyance.
“Fine! It’s not true, I’m just nervous” I forced myself to look at Edward, but I couldn’t hold his glance long enough.
“You’re nervous?” Ed’s rage vanished, being replaced by a baffled attitude. “Why?”
“Because I have to tell you something” How did Alphonse convince me again? Confessing to Edward was madness, and I knew the outcome couldn’t be good.
As I observed his astonished expression, I reminded myself not to get upset over the result of our incoming conversation. Ed could be unpredictable sometimes, and whatever his reaction could be, we would probably stay friends nonetheless. That was the most important thing, not to lose him. And I needed to remember that.
“Okay…” Ed mumbled, taking me by the arm. “Let’s talk then”
As Edward took me with him and away from Alphonse, I felt more vulnerable without the latter’s presence next to me. As I looked over my shoulder to the younger Elric, he gave me an encouraging thumbs up gesture.
Once we had some privacy away from indiscreet ears, Edward let go of me and stared in expectation.
“Well?” He encouraged me, even though I could tell by his body language that he was impatient and slightly nervous himself.
“I…” It was hard to get it started, to find a way to begin expressing my feelings. But soon words began to flow as I just was being honest. “I know we’re friends, Ed, but I have been meaning to tell you this for a while and Al convinced me to do it already”
“Okay…” He repeated slowly, keeping his eyes focused on me in apprehension.
I took a deep breath before I inevitably burst out the words. Those words that could change our relationship forever.
“I like you… I like you a lot and I’ve tried to hide my feelings for the sake of our friendship, but I just can’t hold them in anymore. And I’m sorry because I know this might not be the best moment to say it because we’re busy and on a mission and you have other things in mind, but it was eating me alive and I really needed to-“
I only realized I was running out of breath because of my rambling when Ed’s gloved hand fell over my shoulder, kindly and patiently.
“Breathe” He just said, the corner of his lips twitching up.
I did as he told me, taking a deep breath and calming my suddenly racing heart.
“And…?”
“And what? I’m supposed to do something about it?”
“Yes, Ed! At least say something!”
“Like what?!”
“Like… do you feel something back?” I closed my hand in a tight fist, staring at him gravely. It had taken me such courage to say it and he was just brushing it off!
“I… I, uh…” He frowned and it was him who looked away this time. “You can’t just ask me that!”
“I can if I just confessed my love for you!” I exclaimed, offended by his response.
“I-I have nothing to say!” Ed blushed really hard and began to walk away.
“Of course! I should have known!” Before he could escape, I punched him in the arm as hard as I could. “You idiot!”
Edward barely even looked over his shoulder to me as he left my side and went to reunite with Al, who observed the scene startled.
*
After leaving the city once we did everything we had to, we were back on the train. Edward didn’t tolerate the awkward silence for too long before he stormed off to wander around the train.
I sighed tiredly and looked up at Alphonse sitting in front of me.
“Al… Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything…”
“I think he needed to know” My friend said softly. “And you needed to finally let it out too”
I was true that a heavy weight had been lifted from my chest, and it wasn’t easy confessing to my best friend. But it had ruined everything.
I had hoped that, at the very least, we would remain friends. I wasn’t naive enough to hope he would blindly reciprocate, but… I didn’t expect him to avoid me like that.
“Why were you so sure that I needed to tell him?” I quietly asked, looking down to my hands as I played with them over my lap.
“I thought he might like you back…”
“Clearly he doesn’t”
“But you know my brother! He doesn’t like showing his emotions so openly, and I thought…”
“It’s okay, Al” I hurried to reassure him. “I’m not blaming you, I was just wondering why he would react like that”
I stood up, feeling too restless to remain seated.
“Where are you going?” Alphonse worried, the restlessness tangible in his voice.
“Don’t worry, I’ll be back soon. I just need to… clear my mind” Part of me hoped to run into Ed and tell him that I wanted things to go back to normal. Even if I couldn’t forgive him entirely for the way he dismissed my feelings, his absence was too noticeable and I couldn’t stand it. Maybe we could fix everything.
I left the wagon, promising myself not to leave Alphonse alone for too long, and wandered around as I tried to leave my mind blank to find some peace of thought.
I gasped when I walked into someone and almost lost balance as our bodies collided. I hadn’t been paying attention where I was going, and it seemed like the other person hadn’t either.
“Sorry, I…”
“Y/N!” Of course, it couldn’t be any other than Edward Elric.
I rolled my eyes, finding that I could not go on with my initial thought of having a conversation with him. Not again, I was too mad at him still.
“Sorry to disturb your walk” I bitterly told him, passing him by nonchalantly and trying to get away from him before he could notice how hurt I truly was.
“Wait, Y/N!” Edward held me by the arm again, this time more urgently.
“What?” I angrily replied, impatient as I turned around.
Edward hesitated, and for a moment he didn’t say anything. He just stared at me, his brow furrowed and his golden eyes filled with doubt and anxiety.
I shook my head, seeing as he had nothing to say, but his grip on my arm got stronger and he finally piped up.
“Equivalent exchange… to have something, you must give something in return…”
“What are you talking about, Ed?” I turned around yet again, reluctantly looking into his eyes.
“It’s the basic principle of alchemy" He told me in a matter-of-fact way.
"You know I never understand anything when you start talking about alchemy"
“What I’m saying is you are so brave… And I’m a coward”
“What? Ed, you’re one of the bravest people I know” My angry and irritated façade immediately fell with his words, being replaced by a mild concern.
“I ran away when you opened up, because I was afraid” His hand feebly left my arm, and his glance fell in a similar manner.
“I don’t understand, afraid of what?” I frowned, staring at him as I tried to figure out what was going through his head.
“Of my own feelings!” The drastic change from his meek tone to that exclamation startled me.
“What are you on about?” I blurted out without thinking, trying to get over the stupid spark of hope that grew inside me.
"You gave me your heart, and I must give you mine in return" Even though I could strangely sense something similar to anger in him as he spoke, I knew deep down it was nothing but determination and love what ultimately moved him to say that.
Edward was definitely unpredictable, but I was starting to see through him. And those words made me realize once and for all why he had rejected me at first. He said it himself, he was scared to face his own feelings for me and instead preferred to run away from them.
It was odd that what moved him to admit he liked me back was the equivalent exchange principle of alchemy, but Ed was not a normal person after all.
“Ed… that was really beautiful!” I told him, moved by his statement.
“I-I mean” There he was blushing again, flustered by the situation and my entire attention focused on him. “You like me and were brave enough to admit it. And I… it’s only fair that I…”
He couldn’t bring himself to say the words ‘I like you back’, but I still knew he felt it. Somehow.
“You nerd” I chuckled, smacking my lips on his to stop that nonsense.
Finally doing it felt relieving and exhilarating, like I had a weight in my heart that finally disappeared as soon as our lips touched. After all, I had been waiting for that moment for a long time.
It could have been better, because Ed was so baffled that he didn’t really kiss back at first. And when he started doing it, he softly pushed me away in embarrassment. But by the warmth and sweetness with which he reciprocated the kiss I could tell he liked it. He just wasn’t ready to admit it, even to himself.
I laughed, feeling a slightly twisted satisfaction to have that effect over him. I had never seen him blush so hard, or see him speechless either. And all because of me.
“Wait until Al hears about this” I mumbled, going back to the wagon where he was waiting for us. Even if he had no idea what had happened.
“What?” That seemed to make Ed react, because he rushed to follow me. “Y/N, wait! You’re gonna tell him?!”
I began to run, trying to get to Alphonse before his brother could. He had to know about it.