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It's not how Sláine Shepard would have wanted to gain her first ship but the Normandy was hers now. Normandy and her crew.
If asked what she would have considered her biggest challenge when finally being in command of her own ship, Sláine Shepard would have probably said something about doing right by her crew, or adapting to the different magnitude of her decisions.
She would not have said, “trying not to fall in love.”
The situation was bad enough as it was, Captain Anderson having to step down “voluntarily” for her to get the Normandy in the first place, and the whole assignment being unlike anything she had ever encountered before. The nightmarish visions of the Beacon being more of a mystery than a lead, every new ally coming with their own set of secrets and problems, the enemy having seemingly endless armies and ships, and the ominous goal of “return of the Reapers.”
And all through that, Staff Lieutenant Pretty Eyes was there, supportive and damn good in the field, with actual opinions and a dark past and more hair than her. And his crush was cute and barely concealed so he obviously didn't make a habit of it and why, why, why did her body and heart decide this was the moment to consider his abs and ass and lips?
She had served with beautiful people in the past and had slept with pretty people she'd served with in the past – though no one under her command, she knew the fraternisation regulations existed for a reason and was scrupulous in upholding them – but no one had ever tempted her as much as Lt. Forbidden Fruit whose shapely behind was usually her first sight when exiting her cabin and damn it but was the man doing it on purpose?
So she flirted back, of course she did, that was not forbidden, only very dangerous for her state of mind. And the more she learned about Kaidan (damn she should have kept calling him Lieutenant Alenko to try and keep her head in the game and their relationship professional) the more she realised she liked him, genuinely, sought him out for a discussion on the repercussions of their assignment, or to unwind after a difficult mission.
She went to him for comfort after Gunnery Chief... After Ashley was killed, and didn't even know if it was to give or to receive, she only knew they were together in their guilt.
And to her eternal shame she knew that even if there had been a real choice, she couldn't have sacrificed him to save her. And that was exactly why the regs were in place. If it had been a regular posting, she would have asked him to transfer.
If it had been a regular posting, maybe she wouldn't be falling so fast, so hard. Maybe it was all about the circumstances, the unconventional adventures they were having?
No, she didn't really believe that either.
She didn't want to think about facing Saren and the geth without him in her team, either. So he was an occasional distraction, but he was also a very good second in the field, his biotics a thing of beauty (very lethal beauty), and he had a quick mind and a soft touch with medigel in the field.
So despite her own hormones the goods still outweighed the bads. She just had to sit on her hands until the end of the mission. If they lived, and the galaxy lived, maybe they could finally give in.
And until then she could meet his smiles with a smile, and his confidences with secrets of her own past. And maybe let the promise of “some day” show in her eyes a little more often than she should.