Archive of Our Own

welcome to the lonely hearts club ;

a safe space for those who want to talk about heartbreak, crushes, and anything of the sort. everything that’s said and/or posted on this blog is kept on this blog, and will not be distributed without proper consent.

my name is min. how can i help?

he looks at the post once, twice, three more times, his eyelashes fluttering with every blink he takes at the illuminated screen of his computer. fatigue crawls over his shoulders, a forgotten takeaway cup still warm on the surface of his tornado of a desk, the ink of well loved pens scribbled across papers lined with sentences for drafts he’s almost forgotten about. it’s 2am, he notices, as his eyes dart to the bottom corner of his screen, and suddenly this idea seems not as great as it seemed at 1am.

because who, really, makes an entire blog because they’re still not over their ex?

lee minho, apparently.

without another thought, slim fingers tap around for a while more, switching tabs, changing his music, typing up more of another draft he has to edit, until he ends up back on the blog.

the post glares back at him in the darkness of his room, almost daunting, before he shakes his head and hits ‘post’.

he glances at the time; 2:24 am.

gentle fingers pick up his phone from beside his keyboard, unlocking it and tapping into his gallery.

october 25th, 2016.

it’s an old photo, for sure, but the memories within it still burn bright like a candle, licking away at the dust and cobwebs, making minho’s mind swirl with images and voices and memories he’s learned to forget over the years.

deep brown curls, a voice as happy as the birds singing their morning songs, and the drooped, crinkled eyes that sparkled like constellations under the blistering seoul sun, are what minho mainly remembers of his appearance. he wore black ripped jeans most of the time, even through the summer, and jean jackets draped over hoodies, bright caps pulling his hair out of his face. royal navy and violet swam in pools under his eyes, and minho remembers always poking fun at the slit he had running through his left eyebrow.

october 25th was the day he was born, at exactly 6pm on the dot to a mother who loved him and his younger brother like no other, and a father who was busy, busy, busy around the world with his business.

october 25th was also the day he realised he wanted to be with him for the rest of his life.

it didn’t last.

december 2nd, 2016 was the day the stars came falling. they came crashing and falling and burning in the form of seven words that had sent minho down a path of thorns and twisting trees and an unclear future.

“i want to break up with you.”

admittedly, it had hurt. it had hurt so bad. minho was sixteen; young and free and willing to attempt things no one in their right mind would. he got into fights sometimes, and topped his grade for the arts even though the only area he was relatively good in was dance. he got drunk once and had his first kiss, he moved into a new house with his brother and his mother, he got into an internationally recognised dance team as one of the head choreographers.

he was in love.

just maybe not with the right person.

the photo displayed on his phone screen is a photo of him and now old friends, silly string caught in their hair and a mess of streamers and empty red solo cups littering the vinyl floor of the rented out vip room in his father’s company building.

he’s in the photo, too. he’s holding onto minho’s waist and leaning his chin on his shoulder and he’s looking at minho with all the admiration in the world as he smiles.

minho leans back into his office chair, swiping to the right, revealing another photo, this time of only him.

his hair is bleached at the ends this time around, black fading into brown fading into a nice shade of dirty blonde. he’s cradling a puppy to his chest with the brightest smile spreading across his face and the sparkliest eyes in the universe, outshining every star out there.

minho smiles just the slightest bit. he misses benji, a lot, but he pushes the thought to the back of his mind as he swipes to another photo of him.

it’s been two years, he thinks to himself. two years and i still can’t get over him.

he sighs apprehensively, dropping his phone down onto his desk and shutting off his computer; he can check the blog in the morning.

“fuck you, bang chan,” he mutters to himself, standing and trudging to his bed with a yawn.

it’s three in the morning. minho passes out with the image of his ex on his mind.

he wakes up to small hands shaking his larger ones, a tiny voice speaking something he can’t fully understand in his half-conscious state.

“minnie! wake up, mom said you’re gonna be late for practice if you don’t wake up!”

“…jeongin?” he asks groggily, rubbing his eyes and yawning.

“yeah, it’s me!” the smaller boy giggles, and jumps up onto minho’s bed in a mess of unbuttoned pyjamas and birds nest bedhead.

“practice, huh?”

“yeah! i want to see your routine!”

“tell mom i’ll be down in twenty.” minho sighs with a smile, ruffling his brother’s hair.

“okay!”

jeongin bounds out of his room, shutting his door behind him before there’s an audible yell of ‘mom!’ echoing through the house.

minho picks up his phone from beside his head, switching it on and blinking at the very first three notifications on his lockscreen.

[@lonelyhearts] you have 294 new followers!

[@lonelyhearts] 43 people have requested to private chat.

[@lonelyhearts] you have 50 new submissions!

he blinks again, and sits up in bed, tapping on the third notification.

SUBMISSIONS ;

@anonymous
hi, i have a little problem — how do i get someone who’s BASICALLY untouchable to notice me

@anon126528
are you single?

@xmin.ty
i have this crush on someone but idk how to tell them :(((

@3rach.ass
so this is a place where we can talk about our crushes right??

minho snorts and shuts his phone off. he gently pulls his covers off of himself and kicks his legs over the edge of the bed.

outside, the birds chirp happily to each other, alerting the beginning of a new hour when minho watches their daily routine of switching branches, ruffling their feathers, some of them floating down to the floor far below them.

a yell from downstairs.

“minnie, do you want coffee?!”

minho sighs, getting up and grabbing his towel from the foot of his bed.

“yeah! don’t make it too bitter, innie!”

lines of fresh ink litter worn down pages of an old notebook, each line telling a story each to its own, no two looking the same, yet no two sticking out like sore thumbs. he hears the squeaking of wheels behind him, and no less, no more, than seconds later, another figure is beside him at his desk.

“jisung, are you writing another love song about him?”

“changbin, these are lyrics for broken compass. the love songs are in my blue notebook. i haven’t touched that thing in a week. a week!”

changbin snorts, shakes his head and rolls his eyes, sass dripping from his figure. “whatever you say, dude.”

crumpled pieces of paper clutter up most of his desk, some with forgotten lyrics to songs he won’t finish.

zone.

broken compass.

hoodie season.

placebo.

a sharp snap of fingers drags him back down to the depths of reality, and when he looks up into the light above him, the white ceilings stained yellow in the corners, crying from age, he meets the tired eyes of his mutual friend and producing partner, bang chan. his curls fall easily into his eyes, feathers of raven and slithers of brown contrasting against his pale pale skin.

“jisung, don’t you have practice in like—” chan checks his watch, the antique clock sitting untouched in the corner of the room ticks dramatically in the background. “—ten minutes?”

“practice?”

chan raises his eyebrow. “winter guard? with seungmin?”

jisung takes a second to process the words, before he shoots up from his seat, wheels creaking, scrambling through a mess of papers and pens to find his phone. changbin snickers at him from the other side of chan’s office space.

“shit, fuck. changbin, where the fuck did you put my jacket?”

minho likes to think that he’s good at games, he really does. growing up, he’d always smash jeongin in monopoly, and jeongin’s friends in mario kart, he’d always win in school races and top the class in their games unit for sport. he thinks that he’s just a talent at games.

that is, until jeongin beats him in five rounds of scissors, paper, rock. in a row.

“yes!” jeongin cheers, as minho rolls his eyes and adjusts his sweatpants over his knees, the grey material warm against his skin.

“whatever. at least i can beat you in a race.”

“you have way longer legs than i do! that’s unfair! mom, that’s unfair right?”

their mother only smiles and chuckles, humming in response.

“see?”

“yes, but consider: you’re still the fastest kid in your grade.”

minho shrugs his shoulders, picking his phone up from his lap and unlocking it. jeongin beams from beside him.

anon45620 [yesterday, 8:54pm]
are you looking for anyone currently?

min [9:01am]
no, not currently
but i hope i find someone i can be comfortable with soon!
this waiting game’s getting kinda old

they pull into the parking lot, and minho helps jeongin with his seatbelt before undoing his own and stepping lightly out of the car.

autumn brings the smell of maple and browning leaves, the rough winds that falter eastern bluebirds in their haste to get to their nests with food for their young. autumn brings steaming hot chocolate and late night dates sitting in front of a tv watching reruns of favourite movies and the pumpkin spice lattes minho always buys for jeongin because he loves them. it brings cute scarves and beanies and the first few flakes of snow as winter slowly rolls in.

autumn also brings the district’s fall harvest festival; a congregation of students from every high school in the district to promote their clubs and activities for the middle school students, for the elementary school students to have plays they’ve been rehearsing for months, and for the middle school students to show off their talents with their bands, their orchestras, and their choirs.

minho is performing this year, surprisingly.

he’s a spotter on ravenwood’s cheer team — yes, he’s on the cheer team — and he’s been put into their best squad, alongside his friend, hyunjin, who’s a base. he’s attentive to everything, eyes always trained on the flyer he’s assigned to spot, so much that it seeps into his everyday life.

he notices the minute cracks in the pavement that guide water into the drains when it’s raining. he notices the crows flocking around one specific spot in the park, waiting for this one specific old lady to come past and give them some of her leftover bread. he notices the sparkle in someone’s eyes when they talk about something they’re passionate about, the jittery hands of a love confession, the eased smile of a student finding out they’ve passed their midterms. he notices a lot of things that regular people may not, and he prides himself in that.

“minho! man, i haven’t seen you in a minute.”

he turns around with raised eyebrows, training bag in hand to see hyunjin waving to him, his brown bangs significantly longer than the last time minho saw them, his body firmer, taller, more built to be a base.

“oh, hey, man.” he smiles, letting hyunjin pull him into a quick but firm hug, a gesture of friendship. “how did rehab go? is your shoulder okay to base?”

“should be,” hyunjin hums, rotating his left shoulder. “the accident wasn’t even that bad. don’t know why i needed a month of rehab.”

“you screamed , and you cried , and you couldn’t move your arm properly for days.” minho raises an eyebrow, cocking his head as he shuts the boot of the car, and hyunjin chuckles nervously.

“yeah, well—” hyunjin looks around, before he perks up. “hey, jeongin! long time no see!”

minho rolls his eyes.

their coach, miss kim, greets them with an easy smile, and her assistant, a young man who minho knows as brian, greets them with a bow as they drop their stuff on the bleachers on the sidelines of the field.

“the others aren’t here yet but you may begin warming up. hyunjin, you watch that shoulder of yours, alright?”

“yes miss.” hyunjin smiles as he turns to rummage through his bag.

“miss kim, whose bags are those over there?” minho asks, pointing over to the other side of the bleachers, because he’s always been an inquisitive kid.

“oh, greenfield’s colour guards and winter guards are practicing on the other side of the field today. the fall harvest festival is only two weeks away now. we both need all the practice we can get in. i allowed them to since their first year winter guard captain officer is such a sweet boy and their coach is also very kind.”

minho makes a loud noise of startlement when he feels his bag being thrown at him.

“come on slowpoke, we have to go change into our uniforms.” hyunjin sticks his tongue out at him, and minho rolls his eyes again.

when hyunjin pushes the door to the locker room open, they’re immediately greeted by the pungent smell of fancy, overpriced cologne and deodorant. minho scoffs, pulling his jacket off of his shoulders as they move to their lockers near the back.

“typical fucking greenfield,” he mumbles, pulling out a spare shirt from his bag. “rich snobs with no concerns about others.”

“tell me about it.” hyunjin snickers. “smells like a million bucks in here.”

“imagine the girls’ locker rooms. must smell like sugar daddy in there.”

hyunjin lets out a loud laugh, just as the locker room door opens and more boys file in from their team.

“hyunjin, you can base for yuna with changmin since she’s the lightest and won’t put too much pressure on your shoulder. minho, spot for them too, please.”

they, along with changmin, nod at their coach before she moves on to give more orders to the other members of the team.

minho glances across the field, to where the greenfield students are. there are two groups; one consisting of mostly girls and a couple of boys, red and white flags in hand, the other consisting of mostly boys and a couple of girls, each carrying a pristine white rifle. they’re all paying attention to the two advisors in front of them, standing with their backs upright and flags and rifles held still by their sides.

two of them step forward then; minho narrows his eyes a little bit.

one of them is a girl with bleached blonde hair and pretty, wide eyes that twinkle behind thinly rimmed glasses. her uniform is white and red, patted down and ironed to perfection against her slim, tiny frame. the flag pole in her hand seems slightly too tall for her.

the other one is a boy who’s slightly taller, bright orangish-blonde hair complimenting wide, nut brown eyes. he’s wearing a different uniform, still red and white but less formal than the girl’s. the rifle in his hand compliments his overall look nicely.

“minho, let’s go,” he hears hyunjin say, knocking him back into the real world as they all move to where there are mats laid out for them to practice.

minho may hate greenfield with his entire body and soul, but he can’t deny the artistry and skill in their colour guard’s choreography routine.

they’ve been let off the field for a twenty minute break, all spread out over their half of the shaded bleachers with books being used as fans and water being tipped over their heads to cool off. minho is sitting at the very top with hyunjin, taking occasional sips of his water while hyunjin takes his painkillers to dull the ache in his shoulder.

minho’s phone goes off in his bag, he picks it up.

mom [1:43pm]
that was great, minnie!!!!
oh, this is innie btw
u look so focussed n stable u were so good!!
anyways do you see the colour guard squad?? their really amazing!!

minnie [1:44pm]
thanks innie
and yeah i see them
also, they’re*

minho chuckles when jeongin sends a series of shocked emojis in response to him calling out his spelling mistake.

“seoyeon, you were late on that right slam!”

minho turns his head towards the greenfield students. the students with the rifles are sitting in the other half of the shaded bleachers, listening to, who minho presumes is, their coach speaking to them. the flag students (yes, that’s what minho has decided to call them) are out on the field, the movements of their arms and legs so in sync it makes minho’s head spin for a moment.

(even that flag toss was in perfect sync. minho swallows another mouthful of water and pushes it to the back of his mind.)

“mr. han, your team will be performing sixteenth in the indoor stadium. it’ll be around noon then, and most people will assumably be inside due to the heat. your job is to lead your team well and present a clean performance with no mistakes. understand?”

minho watches the orange haired boy from before nod. “yes, coach.”

“ seunngggminnnn ,” jisung whines, kicking his feet under his seat on the bleachers as he looks over at the cheerleading team. “i didn’t know that ravenwood were gonna be here! now he’s here and i look like a mess! i didn’t even have time to straighten my hair because i was in the studio before i came here!”

seungmin downs a mouthful of his energy drink before returning it to the safety of his duffel bag.

“you say that as if you never look like a mess, but go off i guess.”

“shut up! this is a serious matter! what if he thinks i’m not cool?”

“jisung, he probably doesn’t even know who you are. and he’s on ravenwood’s cheer team. y’know, our rivalling school?”

“still! what if he thinks i’m not cool ? he’s a dance legend , seungmin; he choreographs and dances for idols . i’m not even good at winter guard!”

“you must be because you’re fucking captain officer.”

seungmin shoves him and rolls his eyes, before jisung goes back to observing the cheerleading team.

his wide, attentive eyes observe carefully, as three girls steady themselves on the palms of two boys’ hands each, ready for their throws.

he’s standing there, hands pressing against the one of the girls’ lower back to keep her stable before she’s being thrown into the air, going through a series of flips and turns before she’s coming back down to be caught in the arms of the two boys that had thrown her. he’s got his hands supporting her back so she doesn’t fall. jisung would be telling a blatant lie if he said he wasn’t the slightest bit jealous that she has an excuse for the hottest boy in the city’s high school population to have his hands on her.

“winter guard! i know you guys are trained to be indoors but we only have the field today. let’s go!”

and jisung gingerly reaches for his rifle, the smooth, pristine, red, white and black plastic surface almost too cold against his burning skin.

he turns to his team, and opens his mouth to speak. “let’s show ravenwood what we’ve got.”

they cheer, before moving onto the field as the cheer and colour guard rehearsals come to an end.

minho checks his blog the minute he gets home; screw a shower, screw the absolutely puke-worthy smell of his sweat drenched hair, screw the uncomfortable feeling of his shirt, his pants, his underwear sticking to him in every place possible. 

[@lonelyhearts] you have 342 new submissions

[@lonelyhearts] 568 people have requested to private chat

[@lonelyhearts] you have 1,904 new followers!

he lets a smile ease over his face, and he leans back into his chair. then, from downstairs,

“minnie! mom says take a shower and then come down for dinner!”

the smile is still on his face as he picks up his towel from the end of his bed and stalks to the bathroom across the hallway.

dinner is surprisingly loud, if you consider the fact that they’re a three membered family and minho doesn’t really speak when he’s eating. 

“minho caught her, mom! she was gonna fall from their shoulders and he grabbed her legs and kept her up!”

“that’s very impressive.” their mother smiles, and looks across the table at minho. “you did great, min,”

“thanks,” minho hums as he takes another forkful of meat into his mouth. “but did you see greenfield’s colour guard team?”

“oh, yeah!” jeongin exclaims, dropping his spoon and fork onto his plate and instead reaching to grab his mother’s phone to show him the photos he took.

they’re high quality, of course — his brother has always had an affinity for taking photos — and as he swipes through, minho’s eyes rest on the girls with their skirts slit up the side, white safety shorts poking through the red fabric as they move through their intricate routine. his eyes also rest on the boys too, their posture formal and neat, their rifles clean in the air when they toss them.

“ooh! he’s my favourite!” jeongin smiles, showing off another photo. “his tosses were so high! and he was in the middle for most of it!”

minho stops for a second, and aims the phone more towards himself. it’s the boy from earlier, with the innocent brown eyes and the neat, bright orange hair, except his bangs are messily wind swept across his forehead, and his innocent brown eyes are as sharp as knives as he looks up to the rifle in the air.

he looks so focussed. (greenfield really don’t fuck around with their guards, huh.)

minho and jeongin help clean up (well, minho loads the dishwasher while jeongin sits on the counter and sings), then he tucks jeongin into bed with a story he comes up with on the spot, and jeongin listens intently up until the point where he’s yawning and settling back into the pillows, his eyelids drooping heavily. 

“night, minnie,” jeongin mumbles. minho ruffles his hair, presses a feather light kiss to his crown.

“night, innie. may the angels watch over you.”

the door creaks when he closes it — it always does — and he slowly pads down the hall to his own room, entering before shutting and locking the door behind him.

his phone dings on his bed, the screen lights up with a new notification. 

[@lonelyhearts] j.onee has requested to private chat!

he taps on the notification and hums when it opens.

j.onee [8:34pm]
hey so this is the lonely hearts club, right
oh of course it is JSJSJ
anyways i’m j and i have a tiny problem with a crush of mine 

min [8:34pm]
yes, this is the lonely hearts club!
i’m min, what can i do for you? 

j.onee [8:36pm]
well
you see
i have a crush on this boy?? but he doesnt really know me??
he also goes to a different school so that doesnt help very much 

min [8:37pm]
well, why don’t you try talking to him outside of school first? introduce yourself and make small talk
maybe you have the same interests? 

j.onee [8:39pm]
no, i do a different sport to him
and i’m not sure if he’s even into guys??
oh wait
shit
im sorry that this is really abrupt and all but ive gotta blast sonic fast 

min [8:39pm]
haha that’s alright, j
talk to you soon!

it’s early, only about 9:21, when minho finally looks up from his phone, busy going through his submissions and private chats. he glances out of his window, the rustling of leaves resonating through his otherwise quiet room. moonlight bleeds through his translucent curtains, dancing in waves over his assortment of fake plants and books and jewellery he’s received over the years. he pulls the covers down a bit and swings his legs over the side of the bed, standing up and walking to his window. usually brown leaves stare back at him in shades of black and blue and grey, rustling and falling to the floor far below them as the autumn breeze comes along. the moon gazes down at him, bright and lonely and strung up in the oil spill of blue and black and flecks of bright, burning white, stars born from fusion and leaving the sky littered in a delicate collage of constellations and shooting stars.

he glances down to the dresser in front of him, and gingerly picks up a thin silver chain from his small tray of necklaces that he’s collected over the years. it’s a gift from chan back from around when they first began dating, a small token of ‘i love you’. he fiddles with the necklace for a little bit, before letting it fall back down into the mess of other necklaces like grains of sand.

his phone goes off.

j.onee [9:40pm]
hi sorry i had to go for a bit hshsh
but is it alright if i talk about my crush for a sec? 

min [9:41pm]
that’s alright! no worries
yes! go ahead 

j.one [9:43pm]
well
ahem
hes the prettiest boy at that school im not even shitting you, and he’s part of their dance team, and hes got the cutest laugh ever :((
i just
i really like him, yknow?
he seems rly sweet n he rly loves dancing and hes really talented like i saw him dancing at a talent contest once when i was like
idk
in my last year of middle school n he was so!! good!!
sigh
i really like him

and minho smiles to himself, looking back up at the moon, silently seeking its comfort, its hidden warmth.

min [9:44pm]
there’s a lot of things you can’t control, like your feelings for someone
try talking to him! i’m sure he can’t be that scary :)
my ex kind of terrified me on the inside when i first met him
eyebrow slit, leather jacket, silver hair
but he ended up being a total sweetheart 

j.onee [9:47pm]
aw that sounds cute!!
anyways, i can try
emphasis ont ry
on try
i have training with him tomorrow i’ll see if i can manage to catch him in the locker rooms 

min [9:50pm]
alright, j
good luck!

minho shuts his phone off, and throws himself into bed, settling under his covers with an underlying itching feeling crawling under his skin.

hyunjin yawns, adjusting his shoulder when minho tells him to, complaining when minho accidentally presses too hard into the meat of his shoulder. 

“well, sor-ry i tried to be nice by offering to restrap your shoulder after practice.”

water drips steadily off of the tips of minho’s hair, still drenched from the showers, as he shuffles around to pull the tape up against the base of hyunjin’s neck. the locker room is bustling with boys from both their cheer team and greenfield’s guards, all whispering under their breaths or talking about girls, sport or some guy’s party that’s happening on friday.

minho adjusts the towel around his waist once he finishes strapping hyunjin’s shoulder.

“hey, have you heard about this blog thing?” hyunjin asks out of the blue, and minho freezes from where he’s buttoning up his uniform slacks.

“which blog thing? there are a lot of blogs, you know?”

“to the lonely hearts club . do you think i could ask the mod for help with you know who?”

and minho gulps; he hopes it was subtle. he reaches into his bag and pulls out his dress shirt.

“uh, maybe? i don’t really know. i don’t fuck with shit like that.”

hyunjin sighs. “he’s gonna be at the harvest festival. what if he thinks i’m not good enough?”

and minho lets a small smile stretch across his face. he slaps hyunjin’s good shoulder and pulls his shirt up his arms.

“hey, what happened to your hate for greenfield?” 

“greenfield sucks ass but he doesn’t.”

minho snorts, buttoning up his shirt and fixing his cuffs as hyunjin pulls his own over his shoulders.

“now that’s whipped culture if ever i’ve seen it.” minho snorts, reaching into his bag again. “seungmin’s just over there, you know?”

“shut the hell up .”

hyunjin rolls his eyes, standing from the bench and fixing up the collar of his shirt. minho looks over his shoulder, glancing at the aforementioned greenfield student. he’s bickering with another student, the one with the orange hair, and the innocent brown eyes. 

and he has a really bright smile too, apparently.

“you’re teasing me for liking seungmin but you’re giving heart eyes to his friend? what the fuck is this discrimination.”

“i’m not giving him heart eyes . i have enough of that with you and your special boy.”

“okay, fuck you. you totally dig his orange haired compadre—”

“he literally looks like a fucking tangerine, and i hate tangerines—”

“ooh, and that’s what you said when you had a crush on chan, too, hey? ‘he looks like an asshole and i hate assholes’ —”

“leave chan out of this —”

they end up bickering like five year olds, stepping on each other's feet, shoving each other's chests teasingly.

they stop when minho gets tapped on the shoulder. 

"yeah?"

when he turns around, his eyes meet familiar brown ones, faded orange hair that looks a lot less like tangerine than he had thought, a half buttoned up dress shirt tucked into white slacks. 

"uhm, sorry to bother you, but—" his voice is low, smooth, melodic; the first thing minho notices. "—would you happen to have any deodorant i can borrow? my friend, seungmin, left his at home and he's too much of a pussy to ask you guys himself. i don't have any on me right now, either."

"han jisung, i fucking heard that!"

the newly named boy, jisung, chuckles nervously and scratches at the back of his neck, a pink flush coming to rest over his full cheeks. minho hesitates for a second, glancing at hyunjin before shrugging.

"sure."

the boy bows and thanks him, before returning to his friend with minho's deodorant in hand.

"bet you seungmin was too nervous because you're here."

"oh my god, shut up . i hate you."

minho laughs, pulling his bomber jacket over his dress shirt.

"you love me."

hyunjin rolls his eyes.

minho thanks the greenfield boy, jisung, when he returns his deodorant. he gets a bright smile and a 'no problem!' in return.

he silently decides that maybe not every greenfield student sucks completely. he's never going to admit it.

"seungmin, he looked me up and down !" jisung exclaims as he slams his tray of food down on the round table up the very back of the court, startling changbin out of his sleepy reverie. "he checked me out !" 

seungmin gently sets his tray down next to wooyoung, seating himself down with a tired sigh.

"i'm sure he was just judging you because you were asking him for his deodorant because i forgot mine."

"well at least i wasn't too pussy to not ask them." jisung huffs, snapping his chopsticks to dig into his small bowl of rice and chicken.

"okay, fuck you." 

"stop bickering, kids. i'm too tired for this," changbin mumbles, leaning his head in his arms and pushing his tray of food further away from him.

the courtyard (well, if you can even call it that) is bustling with students, each sitting at their own respective tables and chatting away about their days. the ceiling of the old greenhouse soars high above them, filtering the gentle rays of what's visible of the sun, refracting them against the greenery growing up in vines along the newly painted green supports of the tinted glass. the doors to the outdoor courtyard are closed and locked shut, the drizzle of autumn rain saying its daily hello, pattering against the glass in a comforting melody, sliding down in streams.

jisung wants to play in it.

"sung, you're gonna be on a week's worth of cleaning duties if you do that," seungmin deadpans, spooning himself another mouthful of his rice.

did he say that out loud? 

"you're bad at this," seungmin deadpans again, and jisung throws a pea at him.

"fuck off, lovebird."

"me? the lovebird?" seungmin says, offended, bringing a hand up to his chest, fingers resting over their school crest. "you're the one obsessing over minho—"

"oh yeah, says the one with the massive fucking crush on hyunjin—"

"sorry i'm late. got caught up with my bio project. what's going on?"

they all look up, and chan is there, setting his tray down on the table and seating himself next to changbin. the cushioned seat scrapes against the smooth concrete floor as chan tucks himself against the table, discarding his bag next to his seat.

"jisung called me a lovebird when he's the one with a crush on minho—"

"shut up, hyunjin lover—"

"minho?" chan asks, blinking and tilting his head.

seungmin turns to him, nodding. "lee minho, the second year at ravenwood that's on the cheer team. you know, the one who dances for idols as well?"

"oh," he says simply.

jisung speaks up around a mouthful of his rice and chicken. "you know him?"

"well…" chan scratches the back of his neck.

"listen. i want to break up with you."

minho had sobbed, and sobbed, and had grabbed at chan's jacket with weak fingers, before he had said, voice cracking,

"… fuck you, chan."

"we talked a little bit at last year's district fall festival because greenfield helped ravenwood in setting up the indoor stadium. nothing too major though." he smiles, snapping his chopsticks and picking up a piece of his pork. 

jisung slumps into his seat, picking up his strawberry milk and sipping at the straw.

"you like him?" chan asks, checking his phone for a moment.

"i guess, yeah."

 chan smiles across the table, running his fingers around the round edge, wiping away stray freckles of dust.

"he seems like a nice guy. i'm sure he'll like you."

grey sky, drooped leaves of wilting flowers being pelted by rain, stray animals sheltering away in little alcoves hidden away from the sight of pedestrians. 

march 2nd. the day he first met minho.

bells ring above his head, signalling staff to a new customer. the store is small, cutesy, people sitting down and chatting away happily. some are perfectly dry, some are drenched head to toe and wrapped in small towels that he sees staff handing out.

he gets one of them too, and he promptly pulls his cap off to dry his hair, silver strands stained deep grey.

"hi sir, how can i help you?"

the boy working the front is painted head to toe in midnight — black cap, black hair, black work clothes — but his eyes twinkle bright golden, warm like the sun, sweet as honey, as he smiles forward at him. he can't be much older than him — in fact, he isn't even sure that the boy is older than him — with the way his smile makes his eyes crinkle youthfully, and every time he turns his head his pretty, dangling silver earrings brush against his smooth, golden honey skin.

everything about this boy seems golden.

"a large vanilla latte on soy milk with an extra shot of espresso please."

he smiles as he taps the order in on the display, humming to the soft melody of the song playing.

"that's four twenty-five, please."

he fishes his wallet out of his back pocket, taps his card, the boy smiles as he tears off a receipt.

"your name?" he asks, pulling a pen from where it hangs on the inside of his collar.

"oh, it's chan."

"chan," he mumbles, scribbling the letters down hastily on the paper before smiling up at him.

"it'll be ready shortly."

chan nods, turning on his heels to find a quiet corner to dump his bag and maybe get a couple more minutes of sleep because he spent the entirety of the night before in the city with his mates.

minho . golden boy . that was his name.

april 19th. the day he fell in love with minho. 

chan breathes out a huff of white smoke, his breath too hot for the steadily cooling weather around him.

he stuffs his hands in the pockets of his slacks as he rushes inside, the white material too loose around his skinny thighs and too tight around his fuller waist. they're preparing for the fall festival, and chan was given the lovely task of hanging up a banner on the outside of the sports hall alongside a friend of his that he had made earlier in the year, woojin.

"why do they make the first years do this stuff?" woojin grumbles, as he passes chan a box of supplies, before reaching into the storage cupboard to pull out a ladder. "wouldn't they at least send some of the second or third years to help?"

chan sighs. "they should have. greenfield's weird."

woojin rolls his eyes, but leads chan out to the front of the building, kicking stones along the way.

it's around five in the morning, and the festival opens at around eight.

"alright, you can go up and hang this thing up," woojin says when they're outside, and chan rolls his eyes.

"why me?"

"you're significantly smaller than i am, chan. the ladder won't be under as much stress if you're the one up there."

chan rolls his eyes, looping string through a hole on the corner of the banner. "okay then, smartie pants."

and woojin chuckles, low, breathy, sweet.

chan is about three quarters of the way through finishing the first knot when his fingers slip (unsurprisingly) and the banner floats gently back down to woojin. he bangs his head against the wall, the corrugated iron above the ledge shading the entrance making a loud enough noise that it cancels out his groan. 

just faintly, he can hear woojin trying to hide his laughter, and he manages a middle finger down at his friend before he's sliding back down the ladder.

(yeah, sliding , because chan isn't afraid , he's impatient .)

"tough luck." woojin pats his shoulder, nodding at him as he runs a hand through the hair at the back of his head.

"would you guys like some help?"

they turn around at the sound of a new, softer, gentler voice. chan recognises that voice.

before them is a boy just a bit under chan's height, the telltale black and blue blazer from storm coast middle school too big over his young shoulders, the sleeves draping down his arms, almost hiding away fingers littered with silver rings and tiny scars surely from paper, from blades that slipped.

eyes warmer than the sun, silver earrings dangling against golden honey skin, eyes that crinkle up youthfully every time he smiles.

golden boy. minho.

"uh—" chan stammers, still looking at the boy before him, his eyes never leaving him.

"yeah, please, if you don't mind," woojin interjects with a smile, and when minho smiles back, chan feels breathless.

"i don't mind!"

and, somehow, chan feels as if minho is an uncontrollable storm that's going to welcome itself into his already unruly life.

minho is halfway through his legal studies homework when his phone lights up with a notification. 

[@lonelyhearts] j.onee has sent you a message!

he gingerly picks up his phone, and smiles at the messages as he carefully reads through them.

j.onee [6:21pm]
MIN
I TALKED TO HIM HSHSH
HIS VOICE IS DSO FUCKDIGN P R E T T Y
N HE HAD THIS !!! SMILEKRSN
LIKT IT WASD SSMALL BUT IT WAS THEREW!!! 

min [6:22pm]
OH MY GDOFN
that's great, j!!!
did it go well? 

j.one [6:22pm]
yeah!
except my friend ratted out my name but anyways
yEEHAW MIN I TALKED OT HIM

minho chuckles to himself. how cute.

jeongin bursts into his room in a flurry of dinosaur pyjamas and foam around his mouth, toothbrush hanging from his lips.

"mom said that we could go to the arcade tomorrow since it's your day off of school and it's a student free day at mine!"

minho smiles, sets his phone down on his table.

he grabs a spare hand towel from his dresser and leans down to jeongin's height.

"you're gonna get toothpaste all over my floor, dude."

"sorry, minnie. excited."

minho chuckles again, turning jeongin around and stalking out of the room, hands on his little brother's shoulders.

"let's go see what mom's watching on the tv, hey?"

"yeah!"

grey sky, browning leaves falling from their perches on ledges and gutters filled to the brim with them, scarves knitted for tenth birthdays that fray at the edges but keep them warm nonetheless. 

minho squeezes jeongin's hand, looking both ways before they cross the busy city street.

it's not often that they can come to the big arcade in the city; either minho's studying, practicing, or they simply don't have enough money to spare.

today, though, their mother promised them a day of bonding and rest from their studies, so she saved up some money and transferred it into minho's account.

jeongin tugs him into the arcade by the cuff of his jacket. he doesn't complain at the eagerness, it's cold out anyways.

automated voices cheer people on, and excited kids run around the dimly lit arcade, bright lights from the games hurting minho's still unadjusted eyes. the clinking of coins and tokens being inserted into machines, gunshots of hunting games and the artificial sound of cars revving their engines all ring through minho's head as jeongin tightens his small grip on minho's hand.

"wait, minnie. bet you can't beat me in the basketball game."

"you're on, dude."

he's never been able to say no to jeongin.

an hour, five games won to jeongin, and two energy drinks later, minho is almost exhausted. almost. 

jeongin is still hyper, dragging him around until they end up near the back of the arcade, where all of the motorcycle simulations are.

minho is slightly hesitant.

the first time he had ridden a proper motorcycle was with chan; ash grey hair, ash grey sky from the fires raging in the countryside, ash grey piercings that hung from pale ears, glimmering under the hazy afternoon sunset peeking through the smoke and clouds. chan was the storm in a field of light — grey hair that made even his pale, pale skin seem warm, always dressed head to toe in midnight every time he wasn't in his greenfield uniform, bright white and red and the crest twinkling gold under the midday sun. his eyeshadow closed up his eyes, deep burgundy and brown and aiding the already mysterious air around him, dragged out until it faded under the slit in his eyebrow.

midday runaways and shoplifting from tiny gas stations when chan would fill up his bike, spending minutes, hours, out on quiet roads, screaming the lyrics to songs soon forgotten, minho holding onto chan's waist with tight arms and a wide smile on his face as he leaned his chin on his shoulder.

"minho!" 

he snaps out of his reverie to see jeongin looking up at him with concern in his small eyes, and minho shakes his head.

"yeah? what is it, bud?"

"you blanked out and stopped walking and you were just staring at the floor."

minho blinks, ruffles his brother's hair.

"it was nothing. how 'bout we go play that motorcycle game, huh?"

jeongin lights up instantly. "okay!"

lights of every colour flash in his face as he steps into the small alcove in the building. there's only one person playing a racing game, a boy, his round eyes focused intently on the screen, blonde hair illuminated by the light coming from the display in front of him, reflecting a medley of red and green and blue, white and black checkers as he passes the finish line in second place.

is that jisung ?

the boy turns his head in an instant, pretty eyes blinking at him as he straightens up on his seat.

"me?" he asks, and minho can only faintly tell the pink that's slowly spreading across his round cheeks in the dim light of the room.

"uh—"

"i think you said his name, minnie," jeongin says from beside him, and minho blinks.

"oh, uh, yeah. sorry about that, it kinda slipped my mind."

jisung smiles, his eyes crinkling up cutely as he jumps off of the bike and picks up his wallet, phone and keys from the ledge in front of the bike.

"it's no problem."

"you know each other?" jeongin asks, directing the question towards his older brother.

"uh, we're acquainted with each other." minho smiles.

"do you go to ravenwood? are you in any of minnie's classes?" jeongin directs the question to jisung this time.

jisung pauses, and scratches at the back of his neck. he laughs nervously.

"well, you see—" he clears his throat a little. "—i'm actually from greenfield. i'm a first year."

jeongin gasps. " greenfield ?! isn't that the really big school for the rich kids?"

"well, i wouldn't say it's only for rich kids. there are a lot of ordinary kids that go there, too. it only seems big and fancy because of our uniforms and the school front. everything else is pretty much like a regular high school."

minho glances between his brother and jisung, letting his lips curl up into a tiny smile as jeongin's face lightens up a bit more.

"i heard that you guys have a greenhouse," jeongin says excitedly, and it makes minho realise that although he may shittalk greenfield with hyunjin, he doesn't actually know what their campus looks like.

"yeah, it's our seating area." jisung laughs, his gummy smile making minho's heart flutter just a bit. "it's connected to the cafeteria so at break most students either go out into the outdoor courtyard to eat or they stay in the greenhouse to eat."

jeongin groans and pouts. "god, i wish i could go there. no offence to ravenwood or willow creek or anything like that but i just want to see what it's like at greenfield."

jisung laughs, turns to look up at minho.

honey blonde hair, innocent brown eyes, pretty gold and silver piercings that dangle down against his smooth, tanned skin.

an effortless beauty.

"you're brothers, right?"

"yeah, we are," minho breathes, snapping out of his reverie.

"cute. you don't look much alike but i can see some resemblance." 

minho flushes warm. jeongin jumps excitedly from beside him.

"anyways, if you ever want to come check greenfield out for yourself, i can book you a tour. i have ties with the headmaster."

and jeongin brightens up even more. "really?! oh man, i've only just met you but i like you already!"

(minho is glad that jeongin doesn't remember that jisung is the bright orange haired boy on greenfield's first year winter guard.)

jisung smiles again. "well, i guess i'll see you two around, then."

jeongin beams back up at him, giving him a small wave. "bye, mr. sungie!"

and jisung coos at him.

minho lets out a shaky breath. jisung is nothing like chan.

jisung jumps out of excitement when he gets home, buzzing with energy as he speeds recklessly from the entranceway to his bedroom. his mother squeaks but chuckles when he jumps past her and her basket of laundry just to leap into his room, shutting the door behind him. 

“not even a ‘hello’?” his mother laughs, knocking on his door.

“hi mom! missed you!”

“missed you too, sweetheart.”

jisung pulls his phone out of his pocket, bringing up his blog app and tapping into his messages.

j.onee [3:23pm]
min i talked to him again and he :((
he’s so pretty
i wanna think that he likes me at least as a friend but im not sure 

min [3:30pm]
that’s awesome, j!
hey, at least that’s some progress. i’m sure he does like you :)
why not ask to hang out at your sports practice or something? 

j.onee [3:32pm]
im too nervous around him though hshshs
i asked him for something for a friend and he just . looked me up and down like he was checking me out!!
i screamed when he left the room

 jisung throws himself back into his pillows, smiling up at his phone.

he remembers exactly when he came to know about minho.

jisung was the sun in a sea of clouds, the always-cheery student council vice president that always welcomed the first years on their first day in middle school. he was the ever-grateful sweetheart in middle school, the boy who aced every class, attended every council meeting, sucked up to the teachers just enough to get on their good sides. jisung is the sun because, you see, 

while the sun shines brighter than any star in the galaxy, she is still as mischievous as the other stars.

she hides behind the shelter of clouds, and disappears when there is rain. she fears the cold in winter, leaving the earth in the quiet cold of the night as soon as possible. she lingers in the summer, bright and bold and leaving the earth in a sweltering heat that leaves us hiding away from her.

and yet, people still love and adore when she's around.

it's a cold winter morning, the leaves of deciduous trees long gone from the twisting branches reaching high above the sheltered bus stop jisung waits at every morning with his school bag weighing down his shoulders and his beanie flattening out his lengthy, midnight hair. he might need to get it cut soon.

his bus arrives at exactly seven o'clock, and he always arrives at the stop at twenty past six, cheerfully greeting the lady and her two kids waiting for their own bus to arrive at half past. he's alone at the stop, breathing out puffs of hot air visible in the freezing winter chill of seoul, looking down at his phone as he scrolls through his instagram.

then, the distant sound of loud panting and feet crunching in a light layer of snow catches his attention, and a boy dressed head to toe in midnight is running towards him — black hair, black coat, black bag, pants, shoes, everything.

his eyes sparkle under the gentle rays of the sun, licks of auburn and flames of gold swimming in pools as he blinks and looks around.

"i'm sorry to bother you, but do you know when the next bus is coming?" his voice is smooth, soft, as warm as a cozy night in on a friday, yet as vibrant as an art piece seungmin will refuse to admit he painted.

he glances down at his phone yet again, watching the time tick to quarter to seven.

"about fifteen minutes." he smiles.

"do you know if it drops near ravenwood? i don't want to be late for my entrance ceremony." golden tan skin, pretty silver earrings glinting in the light .

"yeah, actually. it's the second stop. it should drop you right there."

"thank you, uhm—"

"jisung."

voice as sweet as honey, as smooth as the flow of a river on a sunny day.

jisung smiles again, and the boy with a voice like gold smiles back. 

"thank you, jisung."

april 19th, a thursday, the day of the annual district fall festival. 

jisung fixes up the red ribbon running under his collar before bending down to pick up the box of supplies at his feet. seungmin tugs the ladder out from the storage room and shuts the door once he's done, locking it with the keys the headmaster gave them.

"ugh. why do they make the first years do this?" seungmin groans, tucking the ladder under his arm and hugging it to his side.

"chan said that it's tradition. apparently he and one of his friends had to do this when they were first years, too."

seungmin sighs. "i can't wait to be a third year. must be so fun having to only set up the stalls outside with all the food and stuff."

"they're the catering students, seung." jisung laughs. "you're an art student, so you'd be doing some of the major art displays if you kept going until your third year."

"and you're a music student, so what would you be doing?"

"well, chan, changbin and i are opening the festival today. we're performing some songs chan composed."

"oh, which ones?"

"obviously the iconic queen, broken compass. and then we're performing hoodie season and zone."

seungmin laughs. "you're not performing one of your love songs for minho?"

and jisung, although he has an armful of things, manages to punch him in the arm.

it must be deja vu. 

minho carefully carries his and hyunjin's cheer uniforms over one arm — why did he have to leave for the bathroom? — and his other arm is occupied with a box full of extra supplies his headmaster wanted him to carry in for him.

the court is bustling with life, people are tucked cozy under school issued jackets and fleece throwovers, scarves knitted with much care and caution. minho had dropped jeongin off with his teacher — jeongin wanted to show him his art display — and had left to grab the supplies for the cheer team.

"minho!"

he turns on his heels, leaves crunching under the heels of his doc martens.

brown hair flopping messily into bright, brown eyes. small piercings hanging from each ear. hyunjin .

"oh, hey jin," he greets, sighing as the taller boy grabs the box from his arms. "thanks."

"can't have you straining your shoulder too much before the performance." hyunjin smiles.

"i'm a spotter, jin. there isn't that much strain on my shoulders compared to basing." 

hyunjin laughs.

blue sky, brown leaves, gardens littered with begonias and sternbergia. 

minho thinks it's deja vu, seeing two greenfield first years fumbling with the welcome banner that's supposed to hang from the extended ledge providing shade for the entrance to the indoor stadium.

honey blonde hair, pretty silver piercings, narrow shoulders and full cheeks that reflect the light like liquid gold.

"jisung."

hyunjin turns around, blinking down at him. 

"jisung? isn't he that greenfield kid that asked you for deodorant the other week?"

"yeah."

"why'd you say his name? sudden epiphany that you think he's super cute?"

minho feels his face warm. he turns his gaze to the floor and begins walking again. "fuck off."

hyunjin laughs.

"fuck, stupid fucking loop—"

"your fingers are just fat, sung—"

"i'll shove my fingers down your throat if you don't shut up—" 

"do you guys need some help?"

yeah, this is definitely deja vu.

the duo look up from what they were doing, warm brown eyes and blonde hair a heavy contrast against the other's cold brown eyes and his deep red tresses.

"minho?" jisung asks, raising his eyebrows, a pale red flush already washing over his cheeks.

minho feels his heart drop, but in a good way.

"yeah. i asked if you needed any help?" he almost steps on hyunjin's toe when the younger boy snickers.

"uh—" jisung stutters.

"yeah. jisung can't get the loop to go around the clip he needs to put up," the other boy, seungmin, cuts in.

minho throws his and hyunjin's uniform atop the box the taller boy is holding, gingerly grabbing the clip and the string from jisung, whose hands are shaking quite erratically. cute.

"so you just loop this through here like this—" minho demonstrates, glancing up at jisung, who's paying close attention to his fingers. "and then knot it like this under the metal wire."

while they're doing that, hyunjin taps his feet against the floor, glancing everywhere but at seungmin while trying to balance the uniforms on top of the box in his arms.

"do you need some help there?" seungmin giggles, pulling the uniforms off and folding them over his arm. hyunjin makes an embarrassing noise.

"uhm, y-you don't have to! i can carry them myself."

"sure." seungmin raises an eyebrow, smiling at him again and hyunjin is gone for this fucking boy.

"uh—"

"there you go! now do that for the other end and don't drop it like someone i knew a little while back."

minho watches jisung bow in thanks, and he smiles at him before turning on his heels to face hyunjin — blushing and scratching his neck— and seungmin — smirking and pressing towards the taller, humming out a question.

he cocks an eyebrow at hyunjin, and the younger splutters. he gingerly takes the uniforms out of seungmin's arms, and thanks him, before dragging hyunjin off to the inside of the stadium.

the adrenaline of performing in front of at least a thousand people has always riled jisung up.

music will intervene my path,

anytime, whenever, just like i want it to.

i decided to go down that path,

get away with everything, and if i fall,

then i'll get back up again.

his voice is rough as he crouches down in front of the crowd, girls dressed head to toe in different coloured uniforms all fawning over him as he stands back up again and turns back to face changbin, the smile on his face never fading even as he finishes his verse up.

i’ll stick my tongue out at the people who think that i'll give up,

and also at the people who tease me when i fall.

i’m a music jerk,

solidly roaring, i’ll continue moving towards a new direction,

after knowing, i’m riding the noah’s ark.

the crowd is a mass of silent people, but sometimes silence is a good thing. it lets jisung focus on his lines, focus on the tone of his voice, the speed of his lyrics, the execution of the lines against the calm backbeat chan slaved over for nights on end. and this time the crowd is silent in shock , watching with open mouths and wide eyes and eyebrows shot back to their hairlines as chan steps out, pressing his lips against the mic and singing out lyrics jisung spent hours on, cocking his head, raising an eyebrow and looking out at the people in the audience, all enthralled with simply their presence.

music is our ocean,

we’re not lonely, even though people have gone.

as long as i stay with my heart,

i can rely on the broken compass in my arms.

jisung loves the adrenaline.

minho trains his eyes on his flyer, shaking his hair out of his eyes as he watches hyunjin and changmin throw yuna into the air, her body turning in an effortless double backflip before she's being caught upright by the two boys and minho has his hands on her calves, supporting her and keeping her from falling backwards. the crowd cheers and gives them a round of applause as the girls in front run through their choreography, leaving the bases and spotters to shift behind them into slightly bigger groups, with four bases and two spotters. 

hyunjin elbows minho gently in the side, nods towards the crowd.

he turns, and his focussed, cat-like eyes meet forgotten, familiar drooped ones.

the pristine white of a greenfield uniform, gold crest twinkling under the led lights in the stadium and the blood red tie around his collar, the telltale sign of a third year. old raven hair now bleached bright blonde, straightened and parted to the right, pools of violet and navy now nowhere to be seen under the layers of makeup covering them up.

"why is he—?"

"minho. focus," hyunjin mutters to him, leaning down to let another flyer onto the palms of his hands.

minho shakes his head to rid himself of the image, looking at the flyer, his palms suddenly sweaty and his mind a little hazy with memories flooding back.

his flyer goes through her throw smoothly, body moving through a set of choreographed flips.

he manages to catch her shoulders, though his wrist cracks at a weird angle and pain shoots through his arm like a stab wound. he hisses, and hyunjin is onto him immediately, lifting the girl to her feet and turning to minho.

"min, are you alright?" he asks, voice hushed.

"fuck, my wrist," minho hisses, clenching and unclenching his hand as if to get rid of the pain.

"do you want to sub off? miss kim has a spare spotter."

"no. no, i can do it," he grits through clenched teeth, and turns to move to their next designated positions.

he is not about to look weak in front of chan, in front of the boy who caused him so much pain that nothing else even hurt to him anymore. no fucking way.

they end the routine after what feels like an eternity, and when minho glances over to see if chan is still standing at the sideline, his eyes meet a new figure standing next to the blonde, talking to him animatedly.

he's shorter, with full cheeks, and honey blonde hair parted neatly to the left, and pretty silver piercings that brush against the smooth, golden tan of his jaw. the white of greenfield's uniform is such a stark contrast to the navy blue of ravenwood, and the peachy yellow of the ribbon around his neck a telltale sign of a first year.

he winces at the pain in his wrist when he moves it, and hyunjin is quick to hurry him over to miss kim.

jisung and chan know each other?

"where is he going? why is he holding his wrist like that? is he hurt?" jisung asks, looking up at chan.

chan only lets his eyes fall shut, leaning his head down before he opens them again.

"chan? you alright?"

chan is silent for a second, before he chuckles to himself, looking up towards the ceiling with an empty smile stretching across his face.

"i'm fine. let's go look around some more and find bin before we're scheduled to perform zone."

jisung pouts, and looks over at ravenwood's cheer squad again, sees minho leaving off in a different direction to the other members of the team, his left wrist cradled in the crook of his right elbow, his face scrunching up in pain every so often.

he lets out a shaky breath.

gold is pretty, shiny, valuable. yet pure gold is also very easy to scratch, to wear down, to bend and to twist and to dent; it can break easily if it isn't handled with caution.

and minho is a boy made of gold.

"i have to go find seungmin because i have his phone and his wallet. he's probably at the art displays in the west wing again. you can go find binnie. i'll meet you when it's time for our set, okay?"

and chan is quiet for a moment before he nods, giving jisung a small smile before turning on his heels and disappearing into a crowd of colours.

jisung narrows his eyes.

we talked a bit.

minho gently knocks on the infirmary door, pushing it open to an empty room. he looks around for a bit, peeking his head into the back room to see if the nurse is there. 

"no one? you're gonna let me suffer alone like this? alright," he sighs, looking around for some ice to stop the steady swelling around his wrist.

it smells too clean in the room, everything sterile and tucked away neatly in the plain white drawers and cabinets.

he's about halfway through struggling to open a cabinet above his head labelled 'bandages' when he hears the doorknob twisting and a very familiar head of blonde hair peeks his head in.

"minho?"

jisung.

"uh, this is awkward, but can you get this cabinet open for me? i can't move my other arm much and it hurts without support under it."

"y-yeah! of course!" 

jisung shuts the door behind him, and strides over to minho, leaning up to grab bandages.

"wait— show me your wrist." jisung turns to him, and minho gently lifts his arm. jisung winces at the sight of his swollen wrist, stained in splotches of deep purple and red.

"uh, you probably need ice." jisung slips past him into the back room, leaving minho to stand by himself in the room. his phone goes off in his pocket, and he manages to fish it out with his good hand.

new message from 04xx-xxx-xxx
are you alright?

he doesn't recognise the number.

lee minho [12:45pm]
who is this?

04xx-xxx-xxx [12:45pm]
it's chan. jisung said he was going to return something to a friend but i assume he's with you?

lee minho [12:47pm]
why does it fucking matter to you?
whatever happens to me is none of your business.
it isn't your problem anymore.

dick [12:48pm]
it matters to me because i fucking miss you, minho.
i miss being with you
and i can't stop fucking thinking about how much i fucked up on that day
you still mean more to me than you think you d

lee minho [12:50pm]
fuck you, chan.
fuck you for being so kind to me when i never deserved it
for being there for me
for taking me on all those midnight drives when i was sad
fuck you, chan, for making me fall in love with you
because i haven't gotten over you yet. 

dick [12:51pm]
wait a second, minho 

dick is typing…

minho shuts his phone off, tucks it back into his pocket as jisung returns to the room with a gel ice pack and some sort of sling.

"how's your arm? it doesn't hurt too much, right? here, sit down so i can ice it for you."

minho lets a smile stretch over his face. "thank you, jisung."

and he relaxes completely when he sees the younger boy flush red, avoiding his gaze as he gingerly takes his wrist in both of his palms, pressing the ice pack against his swollen wrist. it stings for a second, and minho sees jisung panicking internally at his flinch.

a strange urge to keep him calm washes over him.

innocent brown eyes, honey blonde hair, a voice as sweet as caramel .

minho smiles, reaches a hand up to card carefully through jisung's styled hair, the strands soft between deft fingers. 

"i'm alright. thank you for helping me."

jisung squeaks, and nods. "i-it's no problem. i'm not the best — seungmin would have been better at this — but i can try!"

he giggles, and minho chuckles back, letting him hold his wrist in place.

his phone keeps vibrating in his pocket.

he leans his chin on his knuckles, elbow resting against the cold metal of the balcony railing in the indoor stadium. greenfield's first year winter guard are performing, jisung staying in centre for the most part, practiced fingers easily catching the rifle when he tosses it into the air. the crowd is enthralled, their attention on the team at all times, some cheering and applauding when they effortlessly move into a different formation, their left slam perfectly in sync.

"hey."

he turns, eyes blinking at a familiar face.

"woojin?"

"chan. long time no talk."

chan rolls his eyes, but his lips have curled up into a smile. "yeah, yeah."

"how's third year?" the ravenette asks, leaning against the barrier next to chan, looking down over the performance.

"it's alright. i'm ready to be out of here, though."

"got a boyfriend yet?"

"i'm… trying to get minho back."

he can hear woojin turning to look at him, his eyes narrowing, ravenwood's weatherproof jacket shifting over his shoulders as he moves.

"what? why? i thought you two were completely done?"

"we were . and then i told him i missed him and he said that he was still in love with me. he hasn't seen my replies yet."

"so are you on good terms?"

chan sighs. "don't think so. he's trying to move on."

woojin nods, hums. "it's probably best for him. he'll meet someone who'll make him happy, maybe even happier than you did, but you have to promise me one thing. promise him one thing."

chan raises an eyebrow. "what is it?"

the crowd goes into a frenzy of applause below them; the first year winter guard are done with their performance. jisung is glowing in centre stage — just like he is when he's performing with chan and changbin — his smile effervescent and his eyes sparkling under the lights above him.

"don't ruin that happiness even if it hurts to see him move on."

and chan feels his heart drop to the bottom of his stomach, clenching his fingers around the metal bar of the railing.

but he nods, and he feels woojin petting him on the back, running his fingers through his hair, before dismissing himself with an 'i'll see you around, chan', before leaving.

"later."

jeongin cries when he sees minho. 

jisung trails just behind the ravenwood student, carrying his bag on his front for him, his navy blazer fitting nicely over greenfield's white one. seungmin is with him, too, trailing behind them and talking to hyunjin.

"minnie, your arm, what—" jeongin tugs at his brother's sleeve, and minho smiles.

"i think i fractured it while spotting."

"oh no, does it hurt? minnie can't be hurt. i don't want minnie to be hurt."

"i'll be okay, innie. i can go get it checked out by a doctor after the festival is over. besides, jisung did quite the patchwork on it."

jisung blushes ruby red over liquid gold.

"mr. sungie!" jeongin gasps, his eyes lighting up like the sun after a storm.

"mr. sungie?" seungmin teases, smiling at jisung, who sticks his tongue out at him. "nice nickname you got there, sung."

jisung rolls his eyes, chuckles when jeongin grabs at his legs and hugs him, his head of raven hair digging into his waist.

"nice to see you too."

the autumn breeze comes to say hello, ruffling jisung's hair and making minho shiver even under the april sun. there's still a lot of people loitering around, most of them gathered around the stage for another performance, storm coast's choir this time. seungmin pulls jisung closer to him by the sleeve.

"where are chan and bin? aren't you performing hoodie season after this choir?"

"i dunno where they are. and i've got like ten minutes to spare before the set so i'm fine."

when he turns back to minho, the boy is looking at his feet, kicking stones weakly.

"you okay?" jisung asks, the flush on his face still very prominent.

minho looks up.

an effervescent smile that reaches his eyes, small shoulders that frame the rest of his small body perfectly.

he smiles. "i'm fine. can we get food?"

jisung reaches into his back pocket, fishes out his card.

"get whatever you want kids, it's on me."

autumn brings the smell of maple and browning leaves, the rough winds that falter eastern bluebirds in their haste to get to their nests with food for their young. autumn brings steaming hot chocolate and late night dates sitting in front of a tv watching reruns of favourite movies and the pumpkin spice lattes minho always buys for jeongin because he loves them. it brings cute scarves and beanies and the first few flakes of snow as winter slowly rolls in. 

autumn also brings torrential rains and harsh winds.

minho pulls his raincoat down further over his arm, hiding his cast away from the rain falling heavily in the street. he had agreed to grab some groceries for his mother earlier while she ran out to do some errands, when the sun was out and grey clouds were slowly starting to gather. jeongin's at school, so he couldn't have come with him to keep him company.

his mother had pulled him aside and slipped his raincoat into his hands, full black like most of his outfits and with a gentle smile on her face.

"forecast said that it was going to rain. better be safe than sorry. you're not allowed to get your cast wet, right?"

he had smiled, and chuckled, nodding as he tucked it under his arm.

"thanks mom."

he's glad he took his raincoat. he steps in tiny puddles, his boots getting increasingly wetter as he jumps in them. he manages to check his phone under the shelter of his hand and his hood, ttlhc open on his screen.

j.onee [10:53am]
yeah its raining pretty hard isnt it
im out right now and i would ask if you wanted a lift but thatd be kinda weird lmAOSJDN 

min [10:56am]
lmAo just a bit
anyways is there any new news on your crush? im enthralled by this case, j 

j.onee [10:57am]
he ran his fingers through my hair and i almost combusted on the spot
and like?? his little brother is the cutest ten year old ever i love both of them so much
but like?? i think?? we're slowly getting past the point of just friends/acquaintences?? 

min [10:58am]
oH MY GOD YES J GET YOUR MAN
oh wait uhm 

j.one [10:58am]
?

min [10:58am]
uhm i just ran into someone i need to talk to
i'll talk in a bit, alright? 

j.onee [10:59am]
yeah! of course, i'll wait :) 

minho tucks his phone into his back pocket, looking up to meet drooped eyes and ridiculously wet blonde hair that's already beginning to curl and frizz.

"chan , why are you here?" he asks, hiding his cast away from the older as much as he can.

"you don't have to hide it. i saw it happen. is your wrist okay?"

"don't avoid my fucking question."

oh, how cliche , minho thinks to himself, we're going to argue in the pouring rain .

chan raises his eyebrows, but chuckles and pushes his drenched bangs out of his face and minho really wants to punch himself in the face, hard, for thinking that he still looks attractive to this day. 

"it's been two years, chan. why are you still here, chasing after me like this?" he asks then. "i know you want to get up and out of here. you told me that when we were dating, that you wished you could leave this shithole of a town because it bored you. why are you still here?"

"you answered your own question," he says, and minho straightens up, blinking. "the only reason i'm still here is because of you. i want you back, baby. i miss you."

thunder sounds in the background, and chan returns to minho's life like a cyclone unannounced.

minho grits his teeth. do not let him get to you .

"don't fucking baby me, christopher," he spits back, and chan seems to take a double take. no one calls him christopher except for his parents.

"you said yourself that you were still in love with me. you didn't even read my replies."

"for very good reason."

"and what reason is that?"

minho looks to the floor, mutters under his breath. 

"because i knew that if i had , then i would have cried, and i would have been weak. in front of jisung. i'm not about to subject someone so full of light to something that has hurt me for years , chan. i can't do that to him. i can't ruin him like that."

and chan reaches his hands up to cradle minho's face, making him look into his eyes.

"you're in love with him, aren't you?" chan asks, bitterness tinging his otherwise calm, neutral voice. minho lets out a shaky breath.

is he in love with jisung?

"or are you just using him to get over me?"

minho brings his hands up to wrench chan's hands away from his face, stepping back a bit. water drips from the bridge of his nose, running down his cheeks, and at this point he can't tell whether it's the rain or the tears that he can feel stinging in his eyes. 

"i-i would never —" his voice is stronger than he intended, but he rolls with it because it seems to shut chan up. "—use jisung like that. never ."

"you haven't changed a bit. still as hot headed as you used to be, i see. it's cute."

"don't call me cute , chan. that isn't the point of this fucking conversation."

chan grabs his face again, pulling him closer so their foreheads and their noses are touching. minho can smell the vanilla and cinnamon that's so clearly chan and it's forcing old memories into his head. memories of spending hours on the couch in chan's apartment, of stolen clothing and laying next to each other laughing in the bathtub because it 'saved water'. memories of sitting in the back of chan's old ute looking at the stars and making jokes that 'you shine brighter than all of them', of crying at 3am to sad parts in movies that chan picked out for their stay-in dates in his small apartment in the city.

it forces the good times they shared together into his brain, fuzzing him up, making him hazy and the next thing he feels is lips on his and more tears running down his cheeks, hot and stinging in the cold, harsh autumn gale. his brain short-circuits like a phone in water, and he can't find it in himself to pull away, not when chan pulls him closer by large hands on his thin arms, not when chan tilts his head further to deepen the kiss, when his hands move to rest on his waist to pull him even closer.

not even when chan lets his tongue swipe over his bottom lip, asking him for permission like he always used to.

"chan—" he sobs. "—w-why are you doing this to me?" 

and chan simply holds him closer, his soaking wet bangs pressing against minho's damp ones, pressing into his forehead.

"because i fucking miss you , you damn idiot."

all he can do is stand there, crying as his ex boyfriend kisses him in the april rain.

it doesn't feel right, doesn't settle well at the bottom of his stomach.

he comes home, soaking, with his mother's groceries, and he drops them on the counter before pulling off his raincoat and dumping it in the laundry basket, running upstairs to jump in the shower and hopefully try to scrub off all of the traces of chan . he shouldn't have done it, he shouldn't have allowed it. he should have just kept walking and ignored the boy with the dropped brown eyes and the curly blonde hair. 

he carefully wraps his cast up in a plastic bag he found under the sink, securing it with one of his mother's hair ties before stepping into the heated stream of the shower and sighing as it hits his freezing skin.

"you're in love with him, aren't you?"

chan's words echo in his brain, teasing him, taunting him. is he in love with jisung? he can't be; they've been talking for a total of, what, five or six days?

but jisung just… has this air about him.

it's something that minho can't explain in words. even just his presence makes minho feel at home , makes him feel comfortable enough to let his guard down completely, makes him feel happy on the inside because his smile just does that to people.

han jisung is the sunrise, painting the sky in pretty shades of ruby and gold, mixed together with bright tangerine, like his hair colour just a few weeks ago. he wakes everyone up with just his voice, the sweet melody ringing through their heads. he energizes everyone with only his presence. he can make anyone fall in love with him with just a couple of words and one of his heart-fluttering smiles.

minho runs his hand through his hair, pushing it out of his face and throwing his head back as he lets the water wash out his conditioner.

maybe he'll text jisung about it later. he gave him his number, and he'll understand. maybe.

jeongin has a friend over tonight, since it's a friday. his name is felix, with deep brown hair and faint freckles dotted across his cheeks like constellations. he's a new exchange student, according to his younger brother, with mediocre korean but a personality and humour to make up for everything. 

minho is fond of him.

he hears the front door open downstairs from under the spray of the shower, hears jeongin yelling 'felix and i are home!', and he smiles to himself, moving to turn off the steady stream of water.

"minnie, you in there?" jeongin's faint voice comes from the other side of the door.

"yeah, i'm just finishing up."

"okay! felix and i are going to shower since we're wet. the rain was really heavy earlier."

"or are you just using him to get over me?"

minho grits his teeth, stepping out of the shower, letting water drip onto the mat below him.

"yeah, i'll be out in a bit. if felix needs clothes he can borrow some of my old ones."

jeongin yells an 'okay!' from the other side of the door before his small footsteps trail off.

he pulls his phone off of his bedside table, tugging his blankets over his lap and opening his messaging app.

lee minho [6:48pm]
hello? this is jisung, right? 

han jisung [6:49pm]
ya? who is this? 

lee minho [6:50pm]
it's minho :)
i was wondering if we could talk for a bit
i have something on my mind 

sungie [6:50pm]
of course!!!! jsjsjs
what's on ur mind :(( 

minnie [6:50pm]
you know someone named bang chan, right? 

sungie [6:51pm]
yes!! he's 1/3 of my composition crew
why? is there something up with him? 

minnie [6:53pm]
he just .
okay, i'm just going to cut to the chase
he's my ex and i'm kinda still not over him but i think i'm in love with someone new
and it's a mess because he wants me back too and he kissed me earlier so i let him
ugh, why did i let him 

sungie [6:57pm]
oh :(( that sounds horrible
well, i'm not good with relationships but
i think that moving on would be best for you
idk if i have problems like this i go to ttlhc

minho's breath hitches in his throat. does jisung know about—?

minnie [7:01pm]
ttlhc? 

sungie [7:01pm]
yeah! to the lonely hearts club
its a blog JSJSJ
the moderator's name is min and he's super helpful when i'm in the mood to talk about the boy i like!
he really helps a lot
he's always encouraging me to talk to my crush more
so i do and then he gets super happy when i tell him about my progress 

minnie [7:04pm]
oh! maybe i'll check it out :)
thanks for telling me about it 

sungie [7:04pm]
no problem!!!
im sorry couldnt be of much help :((
but anyways if u sign up then follow my blog!
its @j.onee hehe

minho freezes. j.onee ? j ?

minnie [7:10pm]
hey sung
is it alright if i call you? i feel like i need to vent verbally 

sungie [7:11pm]
yeah of course!! im doing calculus right now but my maths teacher can suck my dick
please distract me 

minho chuckles to himself, hears jeongin and felix screeching and laughing at each other from the bathroom.

pressing the 'call' button, he lays back down and adjusts himself so he's comfortable, putting jisung on speaker.

"hey! how's it going, minnie?"

"hello, i'm tired, and confused."

"tell me about it. so, you wanted to vent?"

minho sighs.

"yeah, chan kissed me and now i'm confused because i think i'm kind of still in love with him but at the same time i also think i'm in love with someone else and it's so frustrating because he wants me back but all i want is just to get over him and move on!"

"wow, chan's a dick. i've never heard about this. when i asked him if he knew you since he perked up at the sound of your name he said that you two only talked a tiny bit at last year's fall festival."  

"fucking lying bastard," minho chuckles to himself, sniffing. "we dated for a whole year and a half. and i wasn't even at the festival last year because i was sick."

"and then he dismissed me when i was asking him if you were going to be okay after your wrist incident like he didn't care. he said he was fine when i asked him if he was alright because he wasn't speaking and then he said that we should go find changbin and prepare for our second set of the day without even mentioning you."

minho sighs. "he texted me saying he wanted me back and then he kept going on about how i was using you to try to get over him. that's why i had to go earlier when i was talking to you."

"huh? but we weren't talking earlier?"

minho stammers. shit, minho you idiot! "u-uh, oh, well, will you look at the time, i need to start dinner since my mom's out tonight with my dad. i'll talk to you later, jisung!"

"o-oh, uh, alright! i hope you feel better soon! bye!"

and minho hangs up, dropping his phone onto his chest and heaving out a sigh. that was too close for comfort.

"minnie, do you have any clothes spare?" he hears jeongin call from the bathroom.

"yeah, give me a second."

a thought comes to him as he stands up from his bed, an epiphany.

"because i knew that if i had, then i would have cried, and i would have been weak. in front of jisung. i'm not about to subject someone so full of light to something that has hurt me for years, chan. i can't do that to him. i can't ruin him like that."

fuck, why is he so dumb?

school rolls around too quickly for jisung's liking, but it's the last week, and all his exams are finished anyways, so he simply rolls over in bed and muffles a yawn into his pillow, laying there unmoving until his mother pokes her head into the room. 

"morning sweetheart, are you going into school today?" she asks with a smile.

"mmph," he mumbles, thinking about it.

"he texted me saying he wanted me back and then he kept going on about how i was using you to try to get over him."

"uh, i think i'll just stay home today and tomorrow. i'll go in wednesday, just not feeling okay."

"alright, sweetheart." she kisses his forehead, before turning on her heels. "i'm off to work, then. breakfast is in the fridge if you'd like it. get well soon. don't like seeing my son sad."

"thanks mom."

the door shuts behind his mother, leaving him in the quiet of his room with only the sound of the birds singing outside to keep him company.

he sighs. he wants to talk to min.

he trudges downstairs with impressive bed hair and socks that run halfway up his calves, the sweater he's wearing runs far past where his sleep shorts end and he pulls the sleeves up to look in the fridge. his phone goes off in his hand, minho's display name popping up above seungmin's.

CRUSH BOY ALERT [9:45am]
are you going in today? to school, i mean
i'm skipping with hyunjin since it's the last week
but i assume my greenfield boy can't afford to lose his perfect attendance? 

starmins [7:53am]
sung skip w me bls
mom said i dont have to go in all week since ive finished my exams 

he smiles, pulls a banana milk out of the fridge and a small plate of leftovers from the night before.

sungstar [9:48am]
sure ill skip w u lmao meet me at my place in 20 

he'll text minho in a bit.

the april rain continues into the morning, only a light drizzle, but there nonetheless.

sungstar [9:51am]
well hello there
i'm skipping today too hehe ;) seungmin's coming over and we're probably gonna go to the arcade
you and hyunjin wanna join? 

CRUSH BOY ALERT [9:53am]
oh! good morning :)
i don't think we can, don't think i have enough money 

sungstar [9:53am]
i can pay for you two
greenfield gave me more credits than i thought they would so i have a lot of money left in my id
and by a lot i mean A LOT 

CRUSH BOY ALERT [9:54am]
you have… money… on your id cards…
wild
but i can't make you pay for me, that'd be rude hhh 

sungstar [9:55am]
yeah its dumb LOL
but no im gonna pay for u and hyunjin so seungmin has a date and my lonely ass doesnt have to third wheel 

CRUSH BOY ALERT [9:57am]
s i g h
you're a persistent bitch huh 

sungstar [9:57am]
^u^ 

CRUSH BOY ALERT [9:57am]
fine
ill tell jin and ill meet you there around quarter to eleven 

sungstar [9:57am]
YAY
I'LL SEE U SOON MWAH 

jisung throws himself back into his pillows with a smile on his face, switching over onto his blog app.

minho opens the lonely hearts club to twelve new submissions and forty new direct message requests. 

he taps on j's name.

j.onee [10:00am]
MIN GUESS FUCKING WH A T 

min [10:05am]
WHAT 

j.onee [10:05am]
I INDIRECTLY (but also kind of directly) ASKED CRUSH BOY OUT ON A DOUBLE DATE AND HE!!
SSAID!!
YSE!!
YES 

min [10:06am]
OH??
YES J GET YOUR MANS
where are you going? 

j.onee [10:06am]
THE ARCADE
AKA MY FAVOURITE PLACE IN THE CITY
IM GONNA SPLURGE WITH THE REST OF MY TERM CREDITS HHH
i wanna give him smth special but :(( idk what 

minho laughs to himself, tugging a ribbon out of his drawer; jisung is really cute.

but, something special?

"wait, for me?" he stops in his tracks, crimson red ribbon falling from between honey tanned fingers.

it's the only logical answer, really. if jisung texted him earlier asking him if he wanted to come to the arcade with hyunjin and seungmin so that he wouldn't third wheel, then that means that seungmin and hyunjin will probably hang out with each other and leave jisung with him.

like a double date.

he doesn't acknowledge the feeling of his heart leaping to his throat, doesn't acknowledge the fact that it's probably beating faster than it should be for standing around in his bedroom in his underwear, the feeling of knowing that jisung is talking about him to him . he glances at the time on his laptop, 10:10. he still hasn't messaged hyunjin yet, but his fingers won't stop shaking and his mind won't stop racing at the thought of jisung asking him out on a date .

jinjin [10:13am]
seungmin just texted me saying that he wants me to go to the arcade with him and jisung??
did he text you 

minmin [10:13am]
jisung texted me lol
he said he was gonna pay for us since he's got a lot of money left on his id 

jinjin [10:13am]
his id??? gf does that???
weird flex but ok
ill be at yours in five 

minmin [10:14am]
mkay
dress nice!!! u wanna impress seungmin!!!! on those damn dodgems!!! 

hyunjin sends a final 'fuck you' before minho shuts his phone off and moves to get dressed.

to: the lonely hearts club [10:21am]

i think… i'm in love hehe

- [moderator] min ♡

jisung has always been the summer sun at nine in the morning, bright and blistering and ready to start the day, so it doesn't surprise minho when he and hyunjin round the corner and see jisung in a bright yellow hoodie, seungmin in an equally bright red one. 

but what does surprise him, though, is the fact that jisung's hair is a deep, royal navy blue, complimenting his golden skin and standing out among a crowd of blacks and browns.

minho chokes on air. "fuck, jisung dyed his hair."

"god, seungmin's cute," hyunjin breathes, ignoring the older, and minho snorts loud enough to disturb the birds singing their morning songs on the sidewalk.

"god, you're whipped."

hyunjin rolls his eyes. "yeah, yeah, yeah. thought we discussed this before."

minho laughs again, colouring the cloudy grey sky bright blue, dashes of white in place of clouds.

"minho!" jisung's eyes brighten up like the northern lights when he sees the older boy, raising his arm in an overdramatic wave as seungmin turns to look at them as well, his face creasing into an effortless smile that has hyunjin releasing a shaky breath.

"hey, rich kids, how's it going?" he asks jokingly, and jisung flushes.

"'m not rich," he says softly, and minho laughs.

"i was kidding."

jisung flushes an even brighter red, but he smiles sweetly nonetheless and it has minho's heart beating slightly faster than usual.

"anyways, let's go in before hyunjin and seungmin can start sucking faces over there," jisung jokes.

he just manages to duck seungmin's wallet being thrown at him.

"han jisung, i will throw my putt putt stick at your untalented putt putt ass if you don't shut up!"

turns out, jisung is a lot better at putt putt than seungmin made him out to be. 

"that was a hole in one, fuck you all," jisung speaks smugly, running a hand through his newly dyed blue hair, walking over to the hole he shot it into before skipping over onto the fifth hole.

minho snorts, yells across the darkened room to hyunjin, who's on the seventh hole. "hyunjin, tomahawk it into the hole if you're not a fucking coward!"

"alright!"

jisung and seungmin look at him with furrowed brows. "tomahawk?"

"hyunjin used to play field hockey when he was younger. it's one of the more advanced hits."

the duo laugh, jisung's bright one ringing above seungmin's softer, more muted chuckle.

minho leans forwards onto the metal of the table he's seated at, kicking his legs underneath it as jisung and seungmin finish up their group order of food at the canteen. 

"i can't believe you hit seungmin in the shin while tomahawking that ball. i think at least one of you started crying."

"i felt so bad!"

"i'm sure he's fine. i've seen him practicing winter guard; someone smashed his shoulder because they lost control of their rifle and all he did was wince and rotate his shoulder."

hyunjin pouts, but straightens up at the sight of seungmin and jisung striding back, laughing at each other.

"haah, skipping is fun," seungmin sighs, throwing himself into the cushioned seat beside hyunjin, dropping a bag of food onto the table.

jisung seats himself next to minho, pulling his phone out to check his socials.

"so, is your arm okay?" seungmin asks, and minho looks down at his cast, the old off-white of it now a pale mint, minho's favourite colour.

"yeah. it doesn't hurt much. doctor said it was just a small break so i should be out of this thing in like three or so weeks."

minho swears he hears jisung mutter 'thank god' from beside him, but he doesn't pry.

jisung's phone goes off.

bang chan [12:42pm]
hey, jisung. bin's looking for you
he said something about you promising to help him with some lyrics?
are you even at school? didn't see you here, didn't see seungmin either 

and minho feels bad for peeking, but he can't help himself, so he peeks over the blue haired boy's shoulder.

jisungie [12:43pm]
?? no?? that was supposed to be on saturday?? is bin ok
and yuh im skipping this week lol 

bang chan [12:45pm]
he said he jjust remembered, sorry about that
anyways, where are you? 

jisungie [12:45pm]
um
im at the park near the shopping district
but my friend's gonna be here soon so i have to go 

bang chan [12:47pm]
alright, then.
be safe, have fun. 

bang chan [12:52pm]
wait, jisung
is minho with you by any chance 

minho clenches his fist against the table, looking away as he sips carefully at the straw in his tea.

"do i tell him that you're with me or no?" jisung asks, his voice tinged with worry, and minho exhales slowly.

"go ahead. if he asks why then say we ran into each other by coincidence and you wanted to talk to jeongin."

"okay." jisung smiles, turning back to his phone.

"is this with chan?" hyunjin asks, directing the question at minho. the eldest nods. "oh, the fucking asshole ."

"you know chan?" seungmin asks then, and hyunjin rolls his eyes.

"of course. i had to sit and watch minho grieve over him for a year straight because he broke up with him out of the blue."

"oh, was this like two years ago or something?"

"yeah."

"there was a greenfield rumour about him back then. i was in middle school so i wasn't exactly sure, but my sister was in school there when it happened. she told me about it."

minho straightens up, his eyebrows furrowing. "what was it?"

"it was rumoured that he was dating a female idol in secret for like three or four months? while he was still dating you, i think."

it's like a brutal stab wound through the head, the heart, and the stomach, really. his vision goes the slightest bit blurry, and his fingers begin to shake where they're poised to pick his drink up from the table. blood rushes to his brain, an overload of thoughts filling his already full mind, and he barely registers the fact that there's a wet trail running down his cheek and that hyunjin straightens up to hold his hand down against the table.

and minho doesn't want to show them that his world is slowly falling apart, but at this point there's no reason to hide it anymore.

"i knew i shouldn't have fucking trusted that asshole—" he chokes on his words, and feels jisung turning to him to press a small, comforting hand against the small of his back, eyebrows pinched together with worry. "i knew i shouldn't have. the second he asked if i would ever cheat on him—"

"he asked you if you would ever cheat on him—?" jisung asks, incredulous, his voice slowly raising in volume.

"i remember exactly. after our one year anniversary, he asked me before he dropped me back home. fuck, i'm an idiot." 

minho buries his face in the palms of his hands, groaning to himself, feeling his eyes stinging with more tears.

do not let him get to you.

minho's phone dings from in front of him.

dick [12:59pm]
minho, are you with jisung? 

lee minho [1:02pm]
why is it ayn of your fuckign prblm 

dick [1:03pm]
minho? are you okay? you usually don't have typos in your texts
do you need me to come collect you? 

lee minho [1:03pm]
NO
I DONT NEED YOUR FCUKFING COMFOTRE ASSHOEL 

dick [1:04pm]
minho, please tell me what's wrong.
is jisung doing something? 

minho almost throws his phone out of frustration, and a quiet sob leaves his throat as he types furiously at his keyboard.

lee minho [1:07pm]
no, he would fucking NEVER
not like you, you pompous asshole 

dick [1:08pm]
minho, just tell me what's happening
did i do something? just tell me and i'll fix it

minho drops his phone on the table, and buries his face in his palms. hyunjin grabs his phone, and reads through the messages with narrowed eyes. jisung simply turns to minho and offers his arms out in a hug that minho accepts gratefully, burying his face into the soft fabric of his hoodie, fingers tugging at the material, tugging jisung closer to him.

"fucking asshole ," hyunjin breathes, and seungmin looks up at him with wide eyes. "minho, i'm gonna text him."

"i-i don't care , just don't bring jisung into this—" minho cries into jisung's shoulder, the blue haired boy rubbing his back, petting his hair, trying to calm him down. "—don't bring him into this, please. he didn't do anything."

"i know he hasn't done anything. i'll make sure chan fucking knows that."

it brings jisung some peace, knowing that minho doesn't want him to get involved, but seeing minho breaking down because of someone left so far behind in his past is breaking his heart into pieces. 

lee minho [1:14pm]
chan, it's hyunjin 

dick [1:14pm]
oh hyunjin thank god
is minho okay? 

lee minho [1:16pm]
no, in fact, he's not
because of YOUR dumb fucking ass
who the hell thinks that it's a good idea to ask their boyfriend if they're going to cheat on them?? on their one year anni??
if you loved him truly, you would have just trusted that he didn't, no?
and what kind of fucking dickhole actually goes through with it???
i can't believe you fucking cheated on him, chan. i can't fucking believe it.
minho has given you nothing but love, and support, and a healthy relationship that MIGHT have lasted into the future
if you hadn't gone and fucked it up like that
you don't deserve him, chan
he was an angel to you and you went and said that his heart doesn't matter to you 

dick [1:20pm]
okay let me explain.
that chick was a one time thing, okay? she just so happened to be an idol
and she kept coming back because she wanted a real thing with me 

lee minho [1:21pm]
that's still fucking cheating you absolute fucking idiot
do you know how much pain you caused him? 

dick [1:23pm]
and you would know because? have you ever been cheated on? do you know how it feels?
how do i know minho isn't okay? you could be laughing at me, stringing me on
hell, this could even be minho pretending to be hyunjin

 lee minho [1:24pm]
i know how it fucking feels because within the span of two years, i've seen minho break down too many times to count
i've seen him cry himself to sleep, i've seen him looking at old photos of you two together
i've seen the hoodies he keeps hidden in his cupboard
i've seen his thighs
i've seen everything, chan.
there's no hiding the scars you've left on him, both emotionally and physically 

dick [1:27pm]
his thighs? what the fuck are you looking at his thighs for? 

lee minho [1:29pm]
maybe because i'm his best friend, and he trusts me with anything
and he trusted me enough with seeing the scars from blades i know he keeps in the bathroom in his house, chan
you've already done your damage
leave him alone
let him have his fucking happiness. 

hyunjin throws minho's phone back down onto the table, and cracks his knuckles, letting out a hefty sigh.

minho's crying has subsided quite a bit, but he still holds onto jisung's hoodie like it's his lifeline, breathing heavy into his shoulder as he gently wipes at his eyes.

"are you alright?" jisung asks, softly, because jisung's voice is always soft when he's speaking to minho.

"i'll be fine. 'm okay." he sniffs, pulling away from jisung slightly and wiping his eyes properly.

"sure?"

"yeah, i'm okay."

minho manages a tiny smile for jisung.

dick [1:32pm]
he cut? fuck fuck fuck
is he alright?

minho picks his phone up with gentle hands and an even gentler gaze, looking over chan's messages.

lee minho [1:35pm]
chan, it's minho again.
i appreciate the concern, and i thank you for worrying,
but you've hurt me far beyond the point of forgiving.
so i think that it's best for the two of us to go our separate ways 

bang chan [1:36pm]
minho
i'm really fucking sorry
i really fucking miss you and i'm sorry that i do but you've been such an amazing change in my life
and i don't know what i'd do without you

lee minho [1:37pm]
you've lived two years without me in your life
i'm sure that you can live on just fine without me now
you have that other boy, too. woojin, was it?
he's on the council at ravenwood, i think i've heard him mention you a few times 

bang chan [1:39pm]
what about jisung? 

lee minho [1:39pm]
don't drag him into this, chan.
he's done nothing to harm anyone, and don't you dare think about even touching that boy at school
don't ruin his happiness like you did mine

bang chan [1:43pm]
minho 

lee minho [1:43pm]
goodbye, chan
thank you for everything 

you have blocked 'bang chan (04xx-xxx-xxx)'

minho sighs, leans against jisung's small frame again, listening to his steadily increasing heartbeat. hyunjin still seems like he's fuming, looking down at his own phone with narrowed eyes, seungmin holding onto his sleeve and mumbling to him in a hushed voice, trying not to disturb the two on the other side of the booth.

"you okay now?" jisung asks, shifting to let minho rest more comfortably against his chest, his fingers coming up to pat the older's back simply out of habit.

minho sniffs again, and lets a tiny chuckle leave his lips as he looks up to the younger boy.

"i'm okay."

and jisung lets a tiny smile crack across his face, reaching a hand up to brush minho's bangs out of his eyes.

another small tear gently trickles down his cheek, and maybe minho is in love with his smile.

jisung ends up walking him home. they had parted ways with seungmin and hyunjin at an intersection near the arcade because seungmin lives deeper in the city than they do, and hyunjin had wanted to be a gentleman, offering to walk him home. 

"so, is the chan drama over?" jisung asks quietly, running a hand through his hair, kicking a stone beneath the red of his vans.

"i don't really wanna talk about it, but i hope so. thank you."

"for what?"

"huh?"

jisung stops in his tracks, looking up slightly to meet minho's eyes. "why are you thanking me?" he chuckles quietly. "i didn't do anything."

and minho laughs, bright and bold and beautiful and jisung thinks he's never heard anything prettier than it.

"i'm thanking you for everything, jisung. for being there for me even though we only talked for a few days, for taking every chance to try to cheer me up."

and jisung blushes scarlet rose under the liquid gold of the setting sun, her body trying to hide quickly from the steadily dropping temperature as the days creep to winter.

"i-it's nothing, really."

"you're silly, j ."

and jisung pauses for a second. j?

"wait, do you— is this—?"

minho turns to him, and smiles, and he watches at realisation slowly falls over jisung's round, delicate features. he holds out his hand, bowing his head like a gentleman.

"yes, this is the lonely hearts club ! i’m min, what can i do for you?"

jisung can physically feel the gears turning in his head, the boy in front of him smiling at him and trying to hold back a laugh as he watches jisung.

"you're min ?!" he asks, eventually, his voice ringing out in the neighbourhood, and it makes minho rush to cover his mouth, shushing him.

"yeah, and you're j ." he giggles. "mr. 'i asked crush boy on a double date and he said yes'?"

jisung goes bright red, and tries to hide his face in the palms of his hands as he speeds ahead of the brunette.

"anyways," minho says, a smile permanently etched on his face as he stops in front of an average sized house, the walls painted pure white and grass greener than jisung's ever seen. "would you like to stay for tea? jeongin hasn't seen you in a while. i'm sure he'll be thrilled."

"you're asking me on a house date?"

"if you want to call it that, then sure."

jisung smiles, and intertwines his hand with minho's, bumping his shoulder.

minho introduces jisung to his mother, and she immediately takes a liking to him, with his wide brown eyes and his rounder-than-usual cheeks and his pretty blue hair, his larger than life personality and his sweet, sweet laughter. jeongin is beyond elated when he sees him, running down the stairs and hugging his legs and asking if he's staying for dinner, to which they all look to minho's mother. 

"of course he may, as long as his parents are okay with it." she smiles, and jeongin cheers, hugging his legs again before running back upstairs.

"so, are you two a thing ?" minho's mother asks when they're in the living room after dinner, jeongin already tucked away into bed.

"no, we're not," jisung laughs nervously, and minho smiles at him, his eyes creasing up.

"that's a shame," she sighs, adjusting herself on her seat as the tv show in the back plays on. "you would look great together. just know that if you ever decide to become a thing, then you have my full consent." 

minho melts into jisung's side, closing his eyes and smiling to himself. his mother's always been open with these things.

"thanks, mom."

she hums. "what about chan? is he still around?"

"well, yeah. he goes to school with jisung, but he's long gone to me."

"why's that? you two were good up until the breakup. thought you'd be on good terms with one another by now."

"well," jisung begins, before minho has a chance to butt in, "they kind of were? until today."

his mother fixes her glasses up, narrowing her eyes, watches her son cower away into jisung's side, his smaller frame drowning in his yellow hoodie.

"chan actually cheated on me for like three months while we were dating, that's the big issue."

his mother gasps, looking over the rim of her glasses and glancing between the two of them.

"what an insensitive boy. you deserve better than that, min."

jisung feels his heart jump to his throat.

"either way, is sungie here staying the night? i'd imagine he lives a fair way away."

"i live in the city. it shouldn't be too bad of a walk." jisung smiles.

"oh, no, but the sun's already setting, sweetheart. can you contact your parents?"

"my parents are both overseas right now to visit my nan since she's sick, so i guess it shouldn't be a problem. i just don't want to be a bother." 

minho and his mother smile. jisung makes a tiny mental note that minho takes after her quite a bit, their lips tilting up into a unique smile, eyes creasing sweetly.

"i'm sure you could never be a bother, darling. come, come, let's get you washed up. minho, be a dear and lend him some clothes, please."

"yeah, okay."

jisung startles when minho grabs his hand, leading him to his room with intertwined fingers.

he laughs eventually.

jisung leans his head against minho's lap, looking through his instagram quietly as minho fiddles with his long strands of blue hair, twisting them between his fingers and pushing them out of his face. 

"so, blue hair, huh?" he asks, plaiting a couple of the strands.

"thought it was time for a new colour. i've had blonde hair for a long time."

"thought the orange would have been enough for you."

"you saw me with orange hair?"

"yeah? when you asked me for deodorant?"

jisung squeaks, and groans. "stupid seungmin." 

minho laughs. "i like the change. it's nothing a greenfield student would ever do. you guys have a policy for no bright hair colours, right?"

jisung nods. "it'll wash out before our winter term starts. then i'll have silver hair."

"cute."

minho keeps running his fingers through the strands, damp from jisung's shower and cold against his thighs.

"did you really mean to ask me out on a date today? with hyunjin and seungmin?"

"i was too nervous to ask you directly so i just asked you to hang out with seungmin and me. hyunjin was an added bonus."

minho laughs, leans down far enough to feel jisung's breath ghosting against his forehead, his cat-like eyes blinking down at jisung's doe ones.

"what are you doing?" jisung laughs.

"do you like me in that way?" minho asks, his lips tilting up into his unique smile, and jisung feels his heart flutter in his chest.

the april rain begins to fall outside again, pattering soft against minho's window, loud in the deafening silence in the room. minho's fingers are the slightest bit shaky where they carefully twist jisung's hair into messy braids, and his heart feels like it's jumping out of his chest dramatically like in those cartoons. he watches jisung's expression slowly morph into something else, something he can't quite pinpoint, and it makes his throat close up, his breathing suddenly uneven as the boy laying his head in his lap looks over his face with delicate, delicate eyes, trailing over his dainty facial features — his dainty nose, dainty cheekbones, dainty eyes, dainty, dainty, dainty . 

and when minho trails his eyes over jisung's soft features, over his slightly chapped lips from the cold air, over the wide eyes that resemble a doe, over the full cheeks that kind of make him look like a squirrel, he makes the decision that this is the boy that he enjoys his time around. this is who he wants to spend more time around, more time talking to.

this is the boy he's in love with.

so when jisung lets out the breath he was holding, and he quietly mumbles a breathless 'yeah', minho smiles down at him, and cradles his face with his delicate fingers.

"that's good, because me too."

minho presses their lips together in a gentle kiss, and jisung is shock still for a moment before he pulls away and sits up, looking at minho with a gentle ruby flush spreading across his face and his lips already beginning to stain red. 

"minho, i—"

"kiss me again, jisung."

minho tugs at the hoodie jisung is wearing (it's his favourite one, actually — a muted pink one with black stitching down the sleeves), pulling him closer until their lips slot together perfectly once more and jisung is holding his waist, shuffling closer until minho can comfortably rest his arms on his shoulders, deft fingers playing with the hair at the back of his head. he feels jisung smiling against his lips, and he smiles back, giggling as he lets jisung's fingers trail over his waist, holding him and pulling him closer as he gives his nose a peck before returning to his lips.

"i've liked you like this for so long," jisung mumbles against minho's lips. "ask seungmin, he'll tell you."

and minho giggles again, pulling away a little bit, staying close enough to feel jisung's heavy, uneven breaths against his lips.

"and i believe i told you that i thought i was in love with someone new?" minho asks, fixing a strand of jisung's now almost completely dry hair.

"yeah, you did. didn't think i had a chance of being that 'someone new'."

minho trails a thumb over jisung's cheek, stretching his legs out on either side of jisung's waist and pulling him closer, draping his arms over his shoulders and pressing his face into his neck. the smaller wraps his arms around him properly, petting the older's mess of newly washed raven hair.

"well, today's your lucky day." he smiles into the younger's neck, fiddling with a strand of blue hair. "i really like you."

"you go from crying over chan to confessing that you're in love with me? in one day? wild."

"not as wild as greenfield putting money on your id's, buddy."

"did i just get friendzoned after we kissed and said we loved each other?"

minho laughs, bright and loud and it drowns out the sound of everything else and jisung really couldn't ask for it any other way.

"what do i call you then? baby ? sweetheart ?"

"well, first things first—"

minho squeaks when jisung pulls him into his lap by surprisingly strong hands on his waist.

"i should ask you if you want to be my boyfriend?" he asks, looking up at minho, and minho laughs again, flushing a pleasant shade of peach.

"is that even a question anymore? of course i do, silly."

he kisses the younger's nose, and his cheeks and he lifts his bangs to press a kiss to his forehead.

jisung chuckles, presses a gentle kiss against his jaw, the tip of his dainty nose.

"then, can you grab my phone?"

minho raises an eyebrow in question, but slides off of jisung's lap to retrieve his phone from his bedside table. he watches as the younger unlocks his phone, and taps into his folder of social media, tapping on his blog app. minho blinks when he taps into the search bar and types in 'the lonely hearts club' , raises his eyebrows when he taps onto the submission button.

submission: [public] / private  

to, the lonely hearts club;

thank you, min, for helping me when i truly needed it. thank you for helping me get with the boy i've been crushing on for at least a year now. i hope you've found the person that you truly want to spend time with, that you truly love.

i love you!

j ♡

minho looks over at his phone, the screen lighting up with a notification.

[@lonelyhearts] new submission from j.onee!

he kisses jisung under the old, shitty warm toned light in his room, tangled in mountains of pillows and blankets and clothes that smell oddly like a floral perfume, hands on each other and holding close, fingers tangling into hair, into fabric, their eyes fluttering shut as they kiss. minho lets jisung hold at his waist, fingers gentle and delicate and oh so soft against whatever skin peeks out from under his hoodie. jisung lets minho tug at his hair occasionally, smiling into the kiss as minho tilts his head further, deepening the kiss until they're drowning, drowning, drowning in each other, until they have to pull away from air for a breath before diving back under, discovering new beauties under the surface of the water.

and minho doesn't forget to intertwine their fingers, doesn't forget to smile lazily at jisung when they finally pull away, doesn't forget to pull jisung down under the covers with him so they can cuddle, jisung's short limbs tangling with minho's longer ones, their hair fanning out over the white pillows like halos, giggles leaving them in little bursts. minho doesn't forget to trail his fingers over jisung's soft jaw, over his cute cheeks, thumb ghosting over his eyelids, his eyebrows, over his lips.

and minho doesn't forget, he'll never forget,

"i love you, j."

"i love you, too, min."

the rain patters loud against minho's window, almost drowning out his music as he pets jisung's hair, the boy comfortably straddling his lap, slowly falling into the lull of sleep against minho's shoulder. 

"you're heavy," minho snorts, reaching over to do something on his computer.

"yeah, and i'm also tired. lemme sleep."

"you can sleep on the bed. i have the blog to look after."

"meanie. you give the blog more attention than you do with me."

"the blog is where we first started talking, ji. i'm trying to keep it alive here."

jisung mumbles against the crook of minho's neck, but doesn't budge. minho sighs.

it doesn't take long for jisung to pass out on top of minho, his body getting significantly heavier, and his breathing slowing down, chest rising and falling deeply against minho's. the raven haired boy leans his head against jisung's, hitting send on his last message of the night, and switching to his music tab, changing the song.

"ji?" he asks softly, running dainty fingers over delicate tan skin. "you asleep now?"

he can feel his legs slowly going dead under his boyfriend's weight, and he opts to recline his office chair so he won't have a crippled neck in the morning. glancing between the screen of his computer and the younger's sleeping face, pressing a gentle kiss to his nose.

"to, the lonely hearts club," he mumbles, quietly, a small smile spreading across his face as jisung shifts in his lap, pressing even closer to him, looking for warmth in the cold darkness of his room.

"thank you for letting me meet jisung. i guess i'm not so lonely anymore."