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“Can I have a motorcycle?”
“Noooo.” Erin shook her head and laughed.
“That would be a negative.” Dave looked up from the message he was reading on the phone. Usually phones weren’t allowed at the dinner table but he’d been in contact with his agent about the new book.
“Why not? They're so cool and come in all kinds of sizes.”
“They don’t come in size eleven year old, Derek.” Erin said. “They are complicated and dangerous machines.”
“I promise to wear a helmet.” Derek said. “Cross my heart and everything.”
“Derek…”
“You need a driver’s license to drive a motorcycle.” Hotch said. He was pushing his peas to the side of his plate; he wasn’t in the mood for veggies tonight. “And it’s not even a regular driving license, it’s a special one that requires epic feats.”
“Are you serious?” Morgan seemed aghast. He looked at his father. “Is he serious?”
“He is.” Dave nodded. He'd put his phone back in his pocket. “Each year the feats get more epic.”
Derek looked at them both with skepticism before going back to his baked chicken.
“But you have one, don’t you Dad?” he asked. “You have a motorcycle license.”
“I do, and it states that I'm epic.”
“Will you teach me to ride one day so I can get mine? I'm epic too.”
“Um…” Dave looked at his wife as she looked at him. He cleared his throat. “Of course I will, but we have to wait until you're responsible and ready. I’ll teach you when you turn 18.”
“18!” Derek exclaimed. “That’s like a gazillion years away!”
“Its seven years.” Emily said.
“You know what I mean, Prentiss. Do I really have to wait that long?”
“Yes.” Dave nodded. “It’s something a father passes down to his son but not until he's ready for such a large responsibility. I will teach you, I promise, but you need to have patience. Patience is a large part of lessons to pass down.”
“OK.” The eleven year old sighed, hopeful but unimpressed.
“Is there anything else going on?” Erin asked. “Everyone is so busy, and we have to squeeze in family dinner time. Now there's silence. What's happening?”
“Ooh, I know something!” Penelope shouted. “Emily has a crush on…”
“Hey!” Emily reached out and hit her little sister on the arm. “Cut that out!”
“No hitting.” Dave said.
“She can't go around blabbing my business.” Emily said.
“Why can't I tell?” Penelope asked. She looked devastated.
“Cuz snitches get stitches.” Derek replied snickering.
Even Hotch smirked at that one. Erin just glared at her boys. Dave was trying not to laugh as well. Erin gave him a kick under the table.
“Penelope,” her voice was gentle. “People have secrets, or things they like to keep to themselves, for any number of reasons. If you find out those things, you have no right to tell other people. It’s a betrayal of that person’s trust. The only exception is…”
“What’s exception mean, Mommy?” Penelope asked.
“It means that it’s different than everything else. If we all wore blue shirts and you wore a red one, you would be the exception. Do you understand?”
“I think so.” She nodded.
“OK, the only exception to the rule would be if you heard one of Emily’s secrets and she was in danger. If you heard something like that it would be very important to tell a grownup right away. Emily’s crush isn’t dangerous.”
“OK.” Penelope nodded again.
“Emily, apologize for hitting your sister.” Erin said.
“I'm sorry.” Emily mumbled.
“It’s OK.” Penelope smiled. “I’ll only tell exception secrets from now on…nothing else.”
“Yay. May I be excused?” Emily asked.
“You hardly touched your dinner.” Dave said.
“I'm just not hungry. Please.”
“Yeah.” He nodded.
“I’ll finish your dinner.” Derek said.
“You can have a little more.” Erin said. “Though where it’s going, I have no idea.”
“In my belly.” Derek said, patting his flat stomach. He got up from the table and grabbed his plate.
Penelope was mostly finished and wanted a slice of apple pie. Erin told Hotch that if he wanted dessert than a forkful of peas was in his future.
“I'm good, thanks.” He turned up his nose. “Do you want me to clear the dishes?”
“Yes, thank you.” Erin nodded. She turned to her husband. “Should I talk to Emily?”
“Give her a little breathing room.” Dave replied, putting his hand on top of hers. “You can talk to her before bed. Have a piece of pie…it'll make you feel better.”
“We should have a conversation about how I've gained eight pounds since I found out I was married to you, Agent Rossi. The treadmill is my new best friend.”
“We can talk about it.” He leaned to whisper in her ear. “Then we can talk about how many calories we can both burn with some hot, sweaty, sexy lovemaking.”
“David…” she smiled.
“After that, we don’t have to talk at all baby. I always preferred showing to telling anyway. We can show each other all night long.”
“You are so bad.” Erin whispered too, slapping his hand. “I don’t know where you get all of that energy from.”
“What are you whispering, Daddy?” Penelope asked. “Is it a secret?”
“I really don’t think you want to know, Penelope.” Hotch said. He did his best not to make a face. “Do you want a scoop of ice cream with your pie?”
“Ooh yeah.” She grinned.
***
“Sure.”
As Erin walked into Emily’s bedroom, the teen took off her large headphones. She put her tablet down on her bed. It looked like she was reading a book.
“I brought you a slice of apple pie. Your dad said you like it with extra whipped cream.”
“I do.” Emily took the dessert plate.
“It seems like you were embarrassed at dinner earlier.”
“Penelope is seven. I try to remember that when I get mad. She's gonna have a crush one day. I’ll make her regret these moments.” She smirked.
“If you ever want to talk about anything, you know I'm here Emily. The things you're experiencing are normal but it won't always feel that way. You'll feel like an alien in your own body. Your mind will run hot and then cold. One minute you're happy and the next you're dark and moody. It’s a bumpy ride.”
“OK.” Emily ate her pie. Her stomach was churning in the worst way and the food didn’t help. Never in her life had she wanted to talk so bad. Never in her life did she want to throw her mom out quickly and not say a single word.
Erin wanted to reach out for her daughter but wasn’t quite sure what to say. The past five months had been a flying leap. Erin put 110% into everything she did. Parenting was no different. Still, it wasn’t easy to be an FBI agent, a wife, and a mom. Her teenage kids were definitely giving her a run for her money. And next year there would be high school.
“Well, I’ll leave you alone to your pie. Are you alright?”
“I'm OK.” Emily nodded.
Erin did as well, turning to leave the room. She was actually across the threshold, out in the hall, when she heard her name.
“Yeah?” Erin poked her head back in.
“It’s a girl. That’s why I didn’t want Penelope blabbering to everyone at the table. I don’t even know how she found out but she eavesdrop a lot.”
“You have a crush on a girl?” her mother asked.
“I think so…yeah.”
“Can I sit down?” Erin pointed to her bed.
“Yeah.” Emily pulled her feet under her to sit yoga style.
“What's her name?”
“Jordan Todd. Her mom is a former supermodel who's been in like every magazine in the world. Jordan is so pretty but that’s not the only reason I like her. She's into music and languages like me. We like the same kind of books and movies too. I don't know,” the teenager shrugged. “I just like her.”
“Like like?” Erin asked.
She wanted to smack herself for saying something so juvenile. It was the first thing that popped into her head. She didn’t grow up in a heteronormative world typical of her generation. With a writer mother and a professor father, Erin saw all kinds of couples at parties and dinners. Having a conversation with adults about sexuality, any sexuality, didn’t make her squeamish. Erin wasn’t a prude. This was her little girl though so she wasn’t exactly sure how to proceed.
“I think so. I'm not going to say anything though. Suffering in silence is the teenage way. I could be celibate or something; it’s good enough for Morrissey.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“What if she doesn’t like me, Mom?” Emily asked. “What if the entire thing weirds her out and she doesn’t want to be friends anymore? What if she likes me too? That might be even worse, in the best way. Is this the hot and cold thing you were talking about?”
“Yes. There is one constant in our lives, Emily. That constant is living. When we live, we succeed, we fail, we win, we lose…we experience things to the fullest. There are going to be times when you like someone but they don’t feel the same way.
“It hurts, it hurts as a teenager and a grownup. Then there are times when the person feels the same. It’s magic. But you'll never know if you don’t put yourself out there. So there might not be any heartache in your life. I can promise you there won't be much magic either.”
“I want my first kiss to be magic.” Emily said sighing. “I could’ve kissed like three people by now but I didn’t. It’s probably dumb, I don’t even know if I believe in fireworks and all that junk…”
“They exist.” Erin said. “I feel them with your dad. I know kids don’t want to hear that but it’s true.”
“I kinda like like Ian Doyle too though. He has a leather jacket and quotes Keats just to be a pretentious guy who has a leather jacket and quotes Keats. I like that. Who should I have my first kiss with?”
“I'm a little new to this mom thing.” Erin replied smiling. “I don’t think I'm supposed to say one way or another. I'm supposed to tell you never to kiss anyone and that I want you to remain nine forever. You follow your heart and your gut.”
“But it’s OK to like them both, right? I'm OK, right? Sometimes I just really worry that I'm not OK. Other kids seem like they have it all together. I know they don’t but…dammit. I'm sorry.”
“You are absolutely fine, Emily.” Erin caressed her face. “You never have to put yourself in a box. Don’t do it to satisfy me, Dad, or someone you might have a crush on. Just be Emily. Like who and what you want; love who and what you want. You are so smart and funny and kind. The people you let into your life are going to be luckier for it.”
“Thanks, Mom.” Emily managed to smile. “I just thought of something. Could I have two first kisses? If I kiss a boy and then a girl, I could have two first kisses. Right? That’s like science.”
“You could be right but I'm not entirely sure.” Erin kissed her cheek. “Finish your pie. Don’t forget to put your plate in the dishwasher when you're done.”
“I will. Thanks for listening to me. I’d only talked to Zoe and Hotch about it, and I love them but they're kinda clueless. Then Zoe and I went online but there was so much information that it scared me.”
“I will always listen to you. If you want, we can go to the bookstore together this weekend and try to find a good book. I'm sure they have ten. We’ll both know more if we educate ourselves.”
“Yeah.” Emily nodded. “We should do that.”
“You can also talk to Aunt Ursula. She’d do anything for you.” Erin blew her daughter a kiss. “Goodnight, sweetheart.”
“Goodnight.”
Hotch was in his room doing homework. Erin poked her head in to make sure that he was alright. The radio played on low volume but she didn’t recognize the song.
“I'm fine.” He said, looking up from his math workbook.
“How’s the math going?”
“It’s not my favorite subject but it’s OK.” Hotch replied. “Is Emily OK?”
“She's good.” Erin smiled. “You're a great brother.”
“A great little brother. She never lets me forget about those three weeks. Emily is an awesome sister too.”
“Don’t work too hard. Ninety minutes until bedtime.”
“I know. Goodnight, Mom.”
“And you're sure that you're alright?” Erin went in and kissed the top of his black hair. She rustled it because it drove him crazy.
“Yep.” Hotch smiled, his dimples showing.
“Alright; goodnight.”
“Just thirty more minutes guys.” Dave said from the bed as Erin walked into her bedroom. He didn’t look up from his laptop. “Then its bedtime.”
Derek and Penelope were sitting on the floor in front of their parents’ bed. The giant 50” flat screen TV, which Erin had a love/hate relationship with, displayed a racing video game. The kids were bopping and moving along with their joysticks.
“I'm not gonna need 30 minutes to finish her off, Dad.” Morgan said grinning. “I got her right where I want her.”
“Nuh uh!” Penelope exclaimed. “I'm gonna win!”
“We’ll see about that.”
“Is Emily OK?” Dave managed to look at his wife when asking.
Erin nodded, climbing over him on their California king-sized bed. She caressed his face. Dave kissed her nose. She kissed his lips.
“It was good to talk to her. This weekend we’ll have a little mother-daughter time. It'll be good for both of us. Thirty minutes, huh?”
“You want this body, don’t you woman?” Rossi smirked.
“Why do I put up with you?” Erin rolled her eyes and laughed.
“Are you two kissing?”
They looked down at the bottom of the bed. Penelope stared at them with her seven year old pumpkin grin.
“No sweetie.”
“Derek beat me.” She said.
“One of these days you'll get him, kitten.” Dave smiled.
“Mommy, can I wear my Raven cape to school tomorrow?”
“I think that’ll be OK.” Erin replied.
“And my Wellies!”
“It’s going to be sunny tomorrow so we’ll find shoes good for that weather. I think you should go and wash up and brush your teeth before bed. I’ll be in to tuck you in.”
“OK.” Penelope rushed out of the room, her goodnight song trailing behind her like a smoke signal.
“You guys can totally go ahead and kiss and junk.” Derek said. He was playing one last video game. “I'm paying no attention.”
“He said he was paying no attention.” Rossi wiggled his eyebrows. He saved his work, closed his laptop, and put his arms around his wife.
“I think someone was talking earlier about patience being something that a father passed down to his son.” Erin gave him Eskimo kisses.
“I wonder who that was.”
“I love you.”
“I love you more.”
“OK, gross.” Derek said from the floor.
“What happened to not paying attention?” Dave said.
“I meant I couldn’t see, not that I couldn’t hear. Oh crap, I crashed…dag that was my last life.”
“It’s time to get washed up for bed anyway.” Erin said. “Do you want me come and tuck you in?”
“Nah, Mom, I'm cool.”
“OK.” She nodded. He was turning eleven in a couple of weeks so there wasn’t going to be much more of that kind of thing in his future. Since she’d only had these past five months with him and little memory of the four years that came before, Erin felt like she would miss it a lot more than Derek would.
“Hugs and kisses though.”
He got a running start and sailed onto the bed. He’d almost made it into his mother’s arms. Derek wrapped his arms around her. Erin held him tight and then kissed his face.
“I love you, bud.” She whispered to him.
“Love you too, Mom.”
“High five.” Dave held up his hand and Derek slapped it. “Sleep tight buddy.”
“I will, Dad. Hope you get lucky.” Derek grinned.
“Go to bed.” Erin couldn’t help but laugh as she pointed to the open bedroom door.
“Goodnight, guys.” Derek waved as he left.
“Your children are insane, David…all four of them.”
“You have to admit they keep us on our toes.” Dave said. “I love almost every minute of it. One of my favorite parts is sliding into bed with you at the end of the day. No matter how crazy it gets, and sometimes with four kids it can get crazy, you're there when the day is over. When I wake up the next morning you're still there. You're ready to do it all over again and you want to do it with me.”
“Do you keep inserting the phrase ‘do it’ into your sentimental story to also remind me that you want to have hot sex with me?”
“We've been together too long.” Dave laughed. “You’ve become cynical.”
“I may not remember everything about our relationship but I'm willing to bet that I've been cynical for quite a long time.” Erin said.
“You would be correct.” He nodded and kissed her.
“I’m going to tuck in Penelope. She might ask for a little story so I’ll do that as well. Then after checking on everyone else, I will be back to you.”
“Should I say ‘do it’ once more…for good measure?” Dave looked at her as she climbed out of bed. Damn, she was a beautiful woman. How lucky that she was in love with him.
“I don’t want you writing a check that your body can't cash, Agent Rossi.” She smiled.
“Ouch. I think I’ll do some stretches while you're gone. Then we’ll see.”
Erin laughed as she walked out of the room. She really loved that man. She loved her kids too. Life was a bit crazy but they were getting it done. They were getting it done together. Work was insane but if there was one thing Erin was sure she could handle, it was the FBI.
She also was finding the mother deep inside of her. Erin made sure she did all she could for her family. There were nights when she would fall face down in the bed. There were nights when she lay awake, unsure if she was doing anything right. And there were nights like tonight…a little bit country, a little rock and roll, and then some romantic love songs.
***