Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Another recreation video of one of Cao Bin's routine found itself posted in the sea of outpouring support. In the weeks following the Chinese figure skater's suicide, such posts were not uncommon. The death of such a beloved figure shocked the entire community to its core. However, amongst all the support given, and all the in memoriams posted, this one was special and held a special weight in many mourner's hearts.

It started with a masked man all in black standing solemnly in the middle of the ice with his head down, only looking up when the music began. The routine turned out to be a medley recreation that started with Cao's less famous routines from his junior days and transitioned its way through his career, ending with his last performance. Throughout the routine the complexity of the composition increased until it matched the peak of Cao's career and ended with his signature move in a quiet finish. It was a beautiful tribute to the course of his career as an athlete and performer, and showed the true admiration the skater had for Cao. It surprised no one that it was Katsudon93 who posted the video.

Katsudon93 was rather well known in the skating community and it made sense that he would post his mourning along with everyone else. While the man behind the mask was a mystery, his talent was well known. This latest post being one of many throughout the years of the channel's existence. Starting with simple videos of a small boy with a simple mask showing his progress in learning his first jumps, to a masked young adult posting tutorials on various figure skating moves and masterful routines, both recreated and original, Katsudon93 had become well known throughout the community and even the general public who were vaguely interested in figure skating.

Those who had followed the channel from its early years had marked him down for the competitive circuit when he became old enough. However, as the time passed no one with Katsudon93's particular flair competed. So, despite not having any official accolades, Katsudon93 gained notoriety and became a cornerstone of figure skating to many amateur, and young up and coming skaters, who grew up watching his videos for inspiration and even guidance. He gave advice freely when asked and seemed to have a kind, if shy, presence when he did take to the occasional vlog. And yet, no one knew who he was or why he chose to remain anonymous, let alone not have any public performances.

However, that would soon change. In the weeks that followed the tragedy of Cao Bin's suicide, the International Skater's Union (ISU) planned an internationally broadcasted charity event and drive, of which the proceeds would go to the International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP). The ISU were pulling anyone and everyone which might help get recognition and donations for the cause up. Headlining the event would be world famous skaters both current and those who coming out of retirement to lend their support. Skaters of all kinds would be there to perform and bring light to the serious issue of suicide and its prevention. And of those number who were slotted to perform, those numbers also included Katsudon93.

Chapter Text

Yuuri Katsuki had just finished the routine he had been working diligently on for the last week. It was nowhere near good enough to ever be considered an amazing tribute but it would have to do as he wanted to show his support and solidarity with the rest of the community as soon as possible. The quickly put together medley would be better than nothing as he could never fully capture the spirit of Cao Bin with it. Yuuri consoled himself with that fact.

He let out a long breath as he came down from the rush of performing for the camera and Yuuko. Giving himself a few extra seconds to work with for editing the video later, he let himself just feel. He could feel the emotional drain he got from performing, he could feel the burn of his muscles from back loading the more complicated jumps, and he could definitely feel the sweat forming on the back of his, now signature, mask. As he let himself come down he could hear Yuuko try and stifle her overly large tears. He sighed as he thought about how their small magics were truly ill fitting sometimes.

"How was that run?" Yuuri asked as he started to skate towards the edge of the rink, hoping that he got it that time. He didn't want to have to try and repeat that routine today if he didn't do it well enough, but he also really wanted to post something by tomorrow.

As he got closer he could see Yuuko's almost comically large tears still falling and absolutely soaking the sleeves of her shirt as she tried to stop them. Thankfully, the camera was on a tripod and the video wouldn't turn out shaky because the camerawoman was crying.

"It was really good! I'm going to have to change shirts though," she replied as she slowly composed herself. As soon as Yuuri stepped off the ice and put his skate guards on Yuuko grabbed him into a tight hug. He tensed at the sudden contact and then clung back just as tight.

It had been an emotional week that he tried to hold in to himself. However, he could never hide his feelings when he skated. Although he had never met Cao Bin in person, they had corresponded over email when Yuuri had been writing a piece about Cao for his fan figure skating forum that he ran separate from his youtube channel. From his brief correspondences and from accounts by practically anyone who had met him, Cao was a kind and hard working man. He was someone to look up to not only for his talent on the ice but the person he was off of it as well. His loss was hard on everyone, but Yuuri knew it must be agony for those that who knew him on a personal level.

Yuuri knew the feeling of defeat and the inability to move on. He knew what it was like to succumb to dark thoughts and the absolute battle it could be to keep going. While suicidal thoughts had never been his own battle that he had to fight, he was intimately familiar with the overall war that were mental disorders. Barely winning on more days than he was happy to admit, knowing that it was sometimes a miracle he was able to function at all. That his anxiety kept him from so much, and yet he was still fighting to do what he loved, even if he couldn't go as far as he would like. Fighting to be able to just do what he can to be at least a little satisfied with what he has achieved, but knowing it was never his full potential.

Yes, the death of Cao Bin had resonated deeply with Yuuri. Knowing a fellow person had lost to his condition just once, and that was the end. The end of a brilliant person, who had achieved so much but was now gone from the world. It was a terrible thing that had his emotions building up in dread since the news was released. So he clung to Yuuko as his emotions continued to pour out. By the time they pulled apart they were both soaked by Yuuko's deluge of tears, and not just a small amount of Yuuri's own. They could blame their small magic on feeding into each other, that some gifts just couldn't be controlled, but that wouldn't be entirely accurate.

"It's a good thing I needed to change anyways," Yuure gently teased in hopes of lightening the air that had grown heavy around them. It seemed to work as Yuuko puffed out her cheeks in an undignified response.

"Well, you shouldn't have made me cry to begin with!"

"I'm sure you would have cried anyways, with my help or not." Yuuko stuck out her tongue in response.

It was quiet at the rink as they made their way to the locker room. The owners of the Ice Castle were still so kind to let Yuuri have free reign on the ice after hours. Despite the years the years, and Yuuri no longer being a cute little nervous wreck of a kid, they had a soft spot for the young skater and wanted to support him however they could. They were of the few who knew his true identity as Katsudon93, and they knew why he never went on to compete. So, they made sure Yuuri always had a place to let him live at least part of his dream and kept his secret safe.

"So when are you going to post it?" Yuuko asked from a row of lockers away as they both began to change out of their work/skating clothes, and into their normal clothing.

"I'll probably edit tonight and have it up when I'm done or post it in the morning," Yuuri said as he grabbed his sports bag and closed his locker. He stood there as he waited for Yuuko to finish changing.

"Great!" Yuuko said as she stuck her head from behind the end of row of lockers. "Your fans are going to love it! But not as much as I did of course."

"Yeah, I guess, but they'll never know what they're missing so it doesn't matter." Yuuri closed his eyes in a self deprecating smile and missed the sad glint in Yuuko's eyes at his words. "Anyways, I should be getting home. See you tomorrow?"

"Of course. I can't wait to see what everyone thinks of the video. The triplets are going to hate that they weren't there to see it in person." They both chuckled at the thought of Axel, Lutz, and Loop, getting into one of their dramatic whines.

On that note, they bid their final farewells and parted ways towards their respective homes. The night air was crisp and bracing as they walked away.

Yuuri greeted his family as he arrived home and quickly made a beeline for his room. As he was putting down his sports bag he caught a glimpse of the paperwork he had been neglecting this past week. It was just sitting there on his desk menacingly, it felt like it was looming over him, wanting to overtake and drown him in a never ending mess. He groaned at the thought of finally having to do it as he went to shower.

Ever since finishing his degree in business with a minor in accounting from the local university, he had taken to helping his parents with the business side of the hot springs. The amount he did was, admittedly, not much, as his parents were still the ones running the business. However, as time passed they were giving him more and more responsibilities. To be fair, that is why he settled on that particular degree after his first failed semester of being a theater major. It was practical in the long run, even if his heart wasn't in it.

As he turned the shower on he ruminated over the paperwork and what his life turned out to be. He brooded about his failed opportunity with theater. He would have made it far in live theater, he's sure of it. However, his heart just wasn't in it. He wanted to perform, but he couldn't act for anything or pretend to feel anything as he read his lines. He supposed he could have gone in ballet to perform, or perhaps ice dancing, but that wasn't something that was practical. Both had a relatively short career life spans, and they were much more competitive fields. No, in the end he had to make a choice, and he chose the one that was safer. A choice that he could put to use. That his anxiety would let him accept in lieu of not being able to pursue his true passion.

These thoughts carried him for the rest of the shower, all while meticulously avoiding the elephant in the room. The obvious direction his heart had wanted him to take if the world had allowed. The direction he would toss all practical sense away for. If only he had lived in a world without small magics. But no, in this world he wasn't competition legal, and so he could never pursue what he truly wanted. So, even in his own head, he avoided the possibility that maybe he could have competed. That he could have shared the same ice as Victor Nikiforov. That he could have stood on a podium after showing the world what he had to offer. That he could move his audience with just his talent alone. In this world, that life was just out of reach and it was better to stick with what he had.

After his shower he quickly got dressed and went down stairs for dinner. His mother had made a simple curry but he could practically feel the love and happiness she put into making it. He was glad she had a good day.

He continued to east as he watched his dad entertain what few patrons were around with his mother looking on in amusement. Yuuri could see how he subtly maintained the jovial atmosphere their establishment was well known for apart from their hot springs. Vicchan was running around under foot looking for scraps the drunken guests may drop in the meantime. Mari was sitting next to him, finishing up her dinner before him as she also too just sat there and took levity around them. It wasn't long after she finished dinner that she lit a cigarette.

"It seems rather calm tonight," Mari commented.

"Yes."

"Good."

Not many words were spoken between the siblings, but that suited them fine. Neither were much for small talking and not much had happened in their day that needed speaking about. They just enjoyed each others company as Yuuri finished his dinner. As he was about to get up to leave and get caught up with his duties he had been neglecting Mari leaned over so they were shoulder to shoulder and started to speak.

"You should be proud," She paused to take a drag of her cigarette but didn't look over before continuing, "I know this isn't what you wanted, and if you choose to leave and do something else, we will all support your choice. But, you should be proud of the work you have done."

She didn't tell him to be happy but to be proud. At the moment it seemed significant and what he needed to hear, which was what Mari was apt at doing.

"I know. Thank you." Yuuri actually stood up to leave this time and went back to his room. He sighed as he looked from his sports bag in the corner to his desk filled with the work he still had to do.

Mari was right as usual, but it was a small comfort. He had accomplished a lot, even if it wasn't everything he had ever dreamed of. He needed to remind himself of what he had done. He had gotten a fairly difficult but practical degree. He was able to help his family and make his parent's lives easier. He hosted a fairly popular competitive figure skating forum and a separate, but equally popular, youtube channel. Both of which brought in some income while allowing him to share his love of skating.

Maybe one day he would work up the nerve to show his face while he skated. Maybe one day he would be able to actually preform for people. Maybe one day the ban would be lifted. Maybe one day pigs would fly. However, today was not that day and work needed to be done. Today Yuuri needed to focus on what was in front of him and be content with what he had managed to do.

For the next few hours Yuuri focused on the various issues that he needed to resolve. He started by prioritizing what needed be seen to immediately and what could be pushed off a little while longer, and went from there. He was relieved that a lot of it seemed to be about contract renegotiations with the Inn's suppliers and was able to beg it off to Mari after noting down what the best terms she should aim for were. He would deal with the paperwork and she would deal with the people. While their parents needed to review what they did, as they had final say, they knew Mari would be able to talk who ever it was into the best deal that Yuuri had worked out.

Once he finished his work for the evening it was nearing midnight. While it would have been more prudent of Yuuri to go to sleep he still wanted to post his tribute video as soon as possible. He smiled softly as he worked on the edits he had to make. A majority of them being sound edits to take out Yuuko's sniffling and making the music more defined. Otherwise, the video was rather straight forward and did not take him long to finish. When the final touches were made and one last watch through, he uploaded the video to youtube (making sure to demonetize it in the process) and finally made it live for his audience. After making sure everything went smoothly, he finally retired for the night.

The next few days for Yuuri went on as normal. He kept an eye on the video stats while planning his next video, continued his work at the hot springs, and posted on/moderated his forum. All of this kept him rather busy but nothing of note happened until a week and a half after his last video went up did something happen and received an email that would change everything. As he was browsing the email account he set up for his fans to send him questions he noticed an email from an ISU official account with the subject line: "Urgent: Request for Participation in Charity Event". Yuuri's eyes widened as he nervously clicked it open.

'Dear Katsudon93,

I am an event coordinator writing on behalf of the International Skater's Union. As you are well aware, tragedy has recently stricken our community and we at the ISU want to take action. That is why we are organizing a charity drive to raise awareness and funds for the International Association for Suicide Prevention. We are asking widely known skaters from around the world to participate in this event. Thus, we are extending an invitation for you to come and join us in this and perform a piece to help raise awareness for the cause.

As this is a charity event, and we wish for as much as the proceeds to go to the IASP we will not be able to compensate you monetarily for your time. However, we will be able to provide you for your travel expenses and accommodations.

As of right now, the event is scheduled to take place two months from now in Tokyo, Japan. Further details will be relayed with the confirmation to this email.

We of course know that in your case you will most likely wish to retain your anonymity. We will of course do everything in our power to accommodate this wish and are prepare to have non-disclosure agreements drawn up to ensure this. We truly believe your participation in this event will be a major boon for this event, and hope that you will agree to join us.

If you have any further questions, please feel free to contact me at eventcoordination , or by phone at +XX XXX XXX XXXX. Time is of the essence so I request that you reply as soon as possible.

Thank you for your time.

Best regards,

Amalia Noggarty

ISU Head Event Coordinator

+XX XXX XXX XXXX'

Yuuri was breathing hard as his anxiety spiked. He couldn't do this. There were a million reasons why he shouldn't do this. He'd never performed for a large audience before. What if he failed? What if he became a laughing stock? What if he humiliated himself in front of so many people he admired, let alone the world? Yuuri started to panic as all of the worst outcomes were yelling at him in his mind.

'But,' a small voice in his head said, 'You can do this.'

And just like that, those doubts that had overwhelmed him were being replaced with smaller whispers.

'It's for a good cause.'

'It's only once.'

'You might meet Victor.'

'You can still be anonymous.'

'It's your dream.'

That last thought made his heart pang. He had longed to perform. He had always wanted for people to see his passion take form on his terms, and to fully see him. To see him do what he loved and move their hearts in turn. To prove his worth.

Before he could change his mind he quickly typed a reply and hit send. Though he could probably still back out, this way he sealed the commitment to himself to participate.

'Dear Ms. Noggarty,

I would be happy to participate and help such a good cause. So long as my anonymity can be maintained as Katsudon93, I would be more than overjoyed to contribute what I can. Please email the relevant documentation and information needed to participate and I will get them back to you as soon as possible.

Sincerely,

Katsudon93'

Chapter Text

Script for Kastudon93’s video “Big Announcement: ISU Charity Drive Promotion”

Katsudon93 is sitting in a non-descript room with indeterminable figure skating posters in the background. He is wearing a dark blue V-neck long sleeved shirt and one of his signature black lace masks. The majority of the lace on this mask is on a solid black backing with a white feather flair on the right.

Katsudon93

                        Hello everyone. I know all of us in the community are still reeling over Cao Bin.

(Katsudon93 pauses and looks down sadly before looking back up with a small but sad smile.) 

Katsudon93

                        If you haven’t already heard, on March 24^th the ISU is going to be hosting a live event in Tokyo to raise money and awareness for the International Association for Suicide Prevention. The event will be broadcasted world wide and available for streaming.

                        They’re recruiting so many skaters from around the world to help make this the best event possible. So far, I’ve heard they have many of the world’s current top skaters including Sara Crispino, and even Viktor Nikiforov, coming out to skate! However, they’re also calling upon retired favorites like Michelle Kwan! It’s surely going to be such an amazing spectacle seeing so many skaters on one ice! 

                        Now for the big announcement, not that this wasn’t already big! It’s huge but I’m sure most of you have already heard about it.

(Katsudon93 waves his hands in front of himself in embarrassment. It is very clear he’s blushing behind his mask. He calms down after a moment but seems hesitant to continue to speak but does so after fidgeting nervously and not looking at the camera directly.) 

Kasudon93

                        But there is someone else performing that hasn’t been announced until now… And not that I’m anywhere near their level but… the ISU has invited me to also perform an original skate at the event and I have accepted their invitation. 

(Katsudon93 takes in a deep breath before looking straight into the camera, his eyes serious and determined)

Katsudon93

                        This charity and the reason why this event is happening means very much to me. If my participation means I can help reduce the stigma, and increase the dialogue, about mental illness and seeking help before it’s too late, then I am more than happy to help.

                        So I hope all of my followers will support me, but more importantly, the IASP, by taking part in the event and donating what you can. Links for what you can do to help will be in the description, as well as links for where you can send your donations.

(Katsudon93 visibly relaxes)

Katsudon93

                        Now that’s been said, my next video should be up in a few days. I really think you will like it. 

                        Anyways, thank you for your support and I look forward to being at the event.

                        As always, I hope all is well with you and wish you a fond farewell until next time. Bye!

            (Katsudon93 waves shyly)

End

Big Announcement: ISU Charity Drive Promotion

Posted 12 days ago

94k views

5,079 comments

KatsudonFreak19- 12 day ago

            OMFG!!! NO WAY!!!!!!!!! I WISH I COULD GO1!!!1 AL;KDSAHFA;UVNA;

            (52 replies)

ramune4realz- 12 days ago

            oh thats nice of him *thumbs up*

            (6 replies)

PikaPikaNo- 12 days ago

            I don’t see what the big deal y’all are making is. It’s not like most of us are gonna be there to see it anyways. Just whatever bootleg someone posts.

            (38 replies)

[Image: A clearly excited and shocked Katsudon93 holding up an official promotional poster for the ISU event, pointing to his user name under the list of the other major participants.]

Katsudon93- 1 day ago

            Now it’s really official! It’s so surreal seeing my name next to such great skaters! Make sure to tune in and donate on March 24^th! #IASP #ISU #ISUCharityEvent #SupportAGoodCause

PhichitOfficial- 1 day ago

            @Katsudon93 How wonderful! I hope we run into each other! I’ve been a fan for years!

The-Swiss-Sandwhich- 14 hours ago

            @V-NikiforovOfficial should be pleased.

[Image: A very happy and excited looking Viktor holding up an official promotional poster for the ISU event and pointing to Katsudon93’s name.]

V-NikiforovOfficial- 3 minutes ago

            @Katsudon93 I’ll see you there ;) #dreamscomingtrue #ISUCharityEvent