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Opening his groggy eyes, Ryou took in a breath and woke up. The room was cold but the sheets were warm...almost too warm.
It took him a minute to remember his pajamas were on the floor, crumpled up in a little pile. He was practically naked! He could feel that the fly of his pants was down. He could also feel Mariku's arms around his waist.
He wasn't sure if he should have moved. Waking Mariku would ensure a conversation and, by the looks of things, Ryou wasn't ready for it.
If my clothes are on the floor, then what about Mariku's?
Ryou could feel Mariku's bare chest and stomach against his back. Sweat was the only thing in between them.
He wriggled free from his embrace and flung himself off the bed, landing on the floor with a thud! Ryou grabbed his pajamas and fumbled to pull up his zipper, and he raced to the bathroom to be alone for a moment.
Mariku lifted his tired head, feeling the bed beside him empty. He frowned, then also remembered the very night before. He sat up and yawned, wondering where Ryou had stolen off to.
In the bathroom, Ryou kept the door locked while he observed himself. Hickeys spotted his neck and chest. Tiny flickers of the events began sweeping into his memory
his mouth moved along my tender chest and kissed and licked and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed
and fading back out again. Ryou felt the urge to run soap and water on a rag and scrub them off. He wanted to hide them, he did not want them there. Their pinkish purplish little bites and swells were not appreciated.
His pajama shirt buttoned up and hid them to Ryou's gratitude. His hair would remain down then, to hide the one by his neck and ears
I can hear Mariku's mouth by my ear the sound was intense echoing delicious I can hear his lips I can hear his breath and hear his moans tingles and sparks and his tongue feels so good against my ear please Mariku just a little bit more
and even the little bites.
Bites? Ryou couldn't quite tell. The little marks reminded him of bug bites, his skin only irritated in sun and by bugs.
He washed his face, brushed his teeth, ignoring his bubbling thoughts and feelings. He didn't like hickeys. They looked gross and their color was not flattering in any way. And saliva was icky.
Ryou didn't want to leave the bathroom because he'd see Mariku. Poor thing didn't do anything wrong, he still loved him from the bottom of his heart. But still he couldn't get the thoughts
touched touched all over I've never been touched there or there why does it feel good it's weird but it's wonderful don't ever let this end touching me touching me please Mariku touch me again
out of his head. He didn't like them. They weren't who he was, he'd never say that. Mariku never touched him either. Well, he did, but never so much. Never in that way. His flirtations were empty promises, nothing more. He wouldn't.
Ryou stood by his teapot and brewed a cup. Focus on the tea, focus on the tea, focus on the tea, don't think about the way he touches me and kisses me it feels so good why haven't I ever done this before this is wonderful I'm melting I'm on fire and I'm going to ignore it. Ignore the thoughts, ignore the feelings. Whatever happened is over, be a good person, be the innocent little bunny you were before and don't think about those things.
Soon Mariku approached from behind. A few locks of Ryou's hair were tangling in his fingers. He leaned in and held him from behind, just like always.
Ryou leaned into his warmth and forced himself to ignore his thoughts. Perhaps he could pretend nothing happened, pretend that they never had any sort of fling. They could go back to being pure and fluffy.
"I love you," Mariku kissed his ear, sending Ryou soaring into his thoughts again.
He brushed his hair back some and kissed his neck, Ryou figuring out whether to fight him off or turn into putty.
Ryou hadn't decided before Mariku found a hickey. He poked it with his finger, then asked, "It doesn't hurt, does it?"
"No," Ryou said, all too quietly. "Did you have to kiss me so high up?"
Mariku laughed and Ryou didn't know if he wanted to join him.
"I didn't realize that would upset you."
Ryou stayed quiet. How could he have realized? Mariku had sucked at his neck and Ryou moaned like he was eating the greatest soup in the world.
"I didn't think I would be receiving a reminder, is all."
"Did you not want a reminder?"
Ryou glanced down at his shoes.
Please another kiss along my skin I want your mouth all over me I want you to taste me I want you to like the way I taste kiss me Mariku kiss me everywhere
"I feel dirty." He admitted, quietly.
Mariku knit his brows. "...what?"
He frowned again. "I don't know. I mean, I enjoyed what we did together. Not really sure what it was."
"That wasn't sex, if—if that's what you mean," he was already holding Ryou to comfort him. "I didn't use— we didn't...we didn't go all the way."
"I'm grateful for that bit," Ryou smiled, only half of it was genuine. "Still, I've never woken up with no clothes...and I've certainly never had any hickeys before."
Mariku kissed Ryou's forehead.
"I was hoping an occasion like that would be...more romantic? More passionate? I'm not sure."
"You seemed pretty passionate to me."
Ryou's face grew scarlet.
"I meant...I thought I would be so captured by love and affection that I'd be swept up into something like that. All I felt last night..." Ryou pulled his shirt to cover his hickeys again. "It felt mostly like lust."
"Oh?" Mariku brushed hair to hook behind Ryou's ear. "So you were horny, then?"
"Don't put it like that!" He pouted. "I already feel like some sort of hoe and that word certainly doesn't help."
"Not every bit of a relationship will be classy and passionate, Ryou. Hate to break it to you, but that's how it is."
"I know. I just...I still feel icky."
"Did you not want to?" Mariku asked him with all seriousness.
"I...I'm fairly certain I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else."
Mariku bit the inside of his cheek. "But you regret it?"
"Not exactly. I liked being there, I liked what we did. But I still have this feeling..." Ryou hugged himself. "I feel like I'm tainted in some way. Or like I've lost a fraction of my virginity. Or something."
He frowned when he heard Mariku laughing.
"Hey!"
"Ryou, have you really not done anything like that?" Mariku picked him up and set him on the counter, moving closer to his face and letting his hands caress his thighs. "You're still you, you're no less of a person because of who touches you or how."
Ryou was already feeling a little better, Mariku could tell by his little blush and tiniest smile.
"And just because you really wanted it in the moment doesn't mean you'll want it all the time, it's not going to consume you or anything. Unless you're like..." he waved his hand in the air to find the word. "...an addict, or something."
"You mean like Bakura?"
"Bakura is incredibly deprived. He has sex every blue moon and a blue moon hasn't come in like, six years."
Ryou fought his laugh that burst through the tiny cracks in between his fingers.
"I mean, tell me I'm wrong."
"I'm in no place to say. Still, I am a little uncomfortable with the whole idea of 'getting some'. It makes it all feel so..."
He crossed his ankles, chewing on his lip while thinking intently.
"I can't think of the word."
"I gotcha," Mariku leaned into him, Ryou's soft fingers running through his hair. "I know what you meant."
"Yeah."
It was too bad Ryou felt the way he did. If only that could be every night; running his hands along Ryou's soft skin, kissing him where he's never been kissed before, responsible for every sound that escaped the pleasure from the pit of his stomach.
Ryou had found Mariku again, kissing him gently on his lips, trying to initiate something to break this awkward tension. He was red from embarrassment and the gesture, but Mariku's hands felt like an ice pack on a fevered forehead. He pushed away Ryou's bangs and kissed his face, saying, "Think I could leave a hickey on your forehead?"
"Ew, what?"
"I'm kidding! Kidding!"
"The process of leaving the hickey is only tolerable on certain spots of the body, certainly not the face!" Ryou put his bangs back in place. "I could not pleasurably sit through that, no way no how."
Mariku put a kiss on his nose. "But how about that?"
"That is a peck. That doesn't count."
"You liked that, then?"
"...yeah."