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The first time Shinsou ever saw snow was when he was 5 years old.  

White tufts of it drifted slowly from the sky, sticking to the ground, the branches, the roof of their wagon. Shinsou peered out from the covered tarp, feeling the cold air on his cheeks.

“Isn’t it beautiful, Hitoshi?” his mother asked, laughing gently as a snowflake landed squarely on Shinsou’s nose, melting against his skin. He shivered but smiled carefully in response, watching the snow slowly start to pile up as their wagon trundled along until his mother finally pulled him back inside. It had grown colder now, the sun sinking lower in the sky and his father had insisted that they would not be stopping until sun down. Even at his young age, Shinsou wondered if that was a good idea.

Still, the cold grew more intense, his mother hurriedly bundling them in multiple blankets while his father muttered quietly under his breath, neck receded as far as it could go into his fur lined jacket. Nuzzled against his mother, Shinsou peered around the shape of his father to watch the snow and wonder if his parents would maybe let him play in it the next morning. What did people even do in snow anyway? It looked so light and fluffy and seemed to disappear when it touched something warm so just how much could be done in it?

Shinsou huddled close to his mother, surrounded by practically every possession they were able to cram into the wagon. He could hear the protesting mooing of their cow as she trundled behind the wagon, a few chickens clucking their defiance from their cage. The snow grew heavier still as night slowly crept over the mountain and Shinsou wondered if they would keep going until the horses refused to go any more. His mother drifted off into a fitful sleep and his father kept muttering to himself but Shinsou just kept watching the snow as it began to form impressive piles.

Their progress slowed considerably and Shinsou could just barely make out shapes of trees and rocks through the swirling snow and the dark that settled around them. What had started out as something pretty began to look scary and Shinsou pressed close to his mother, feeling her wind a sleepy arm around his shoulders.

What else lurked out there among those snow covered, swaying trees? Animals? Other people? Or something more? He swallowed thickly, chewing on his bottom lip but not being able to tear his gaze away from the swirling snow. It was mesmerizing in the worst way and he wished he could think about ANYTHING else.

It was while staring into the snow that Shinsou thought he saw…something. It didn’t even register at first, the white of the snowfall so vision obscuring that part of his brain thought it was some kind of dream. In the darkness between two trees, Shinsou saw…or THOUGHT he saw what looked like two glowing blue lights. They were too small and too blue to be any kind of lantern and floated too close together. Shinsou frowned, reaching up to rub at his eyes but when he looked again, those tiny pinpricks of blue remained, having shifted slightly to the side. As Shinsou watched, terrified but unable to look away as the two little lights flickered once, then twice, swaying up and down and to both sides before landing squarely on Shinsou himself.

Shinsou’s inhaled sharply, scrunching the hem of a blanket tightly between both hands. He wondered if his father saw the two little lights but as the man remained partially buried in his jacket and muttering under his nose while he drove, it was safe to assume he hadn’t.  Even their horses didn’t seem to sense anything was wrong, plodding along through the falling snow while the little lights seemed to move with their wagon, occasionally disappearing then flickering back on. Shinsou could hardly breathe.

Maybe he was imagining all of this, he thought. When he felt lonely or bored, he liked to play pretend and now he was both lonely AND bored. Of course, it wasn’t the best time to think of something scary, Shinsou considered, frowning at himself and willing himself very, VERY hard to stop this very silly game he thought he started. Even still, the little blue lights remained and Shinsou saw…or THOUGHT he saw…what looked like the faintest outlines of eyes just around them just as the wagon began to slow. Shinsou didn’t want the wagon to slow and gently began tugging on his mother’s arm. She stirred but didn’t wake and as Shinsou peered out again, the little blue lights seemed almost brighter and slowly, drew closer.

Unable to hold back, Shinsou let out a small yell and just like that, the little lights were gone. His mother sat up abruptly and his father looked back, the wagon pulling to a halt.

“Hitoshi?” his mother asked in worry, pulling him close as he seized at her hand.

“I saw…I saw…there were lights,” Shinsou sniffed despite himself and his mother cooed gently, brushing a hand through his untamed purple hair.

“It’s okay, Hitoshi. You’re tired…it’s been a long day,” she soothed while his father moved around.

“We’re here anyway,” he said tiredly, moving the tarp aside to show a small cabin nestled in a large clearing. A few shacks and a stable surrounded it, all of them looking not too bad for wear. Shinsou sniffed, clinging to his mother despite himself even as she carefully extracted them both from under the covers, moving to start unloading the wagon. Shinsou tagged along with her until the fear finally subsided and he was able to help carry anything small and light into the small house.

It was dusty but not long abandoned it seemed and his father set to work dragging as much of their stuff into the house as he could before collapsing into the bed and refusing to move. His mother tried her best in at least sliding things so they were as out of the way as possible before she too dragged herself over to sleep with Shinsou curled up between them. He hoped all the while that he would never see those little blue lights again.

As it turned out, living in the mountains wasn’t the easiest in the world. Shinsou still remembered sometimes missing their quaint little town but as it turned out, that town didn’t miss them in the least, having driven their family off into the snow. And living in so much snow took some adjusting. Of course, the snow wasn’t constant and when spring and summer came, his parents were able to start a nice and healthy farm.

And of course, everything took time. As Shinsou grew, he was able to do more and more around their home while feeling like he got less and less sleep. He was never sure why he felt this way, maybe the sometimes occurring insomnia made things worse, but deep circles began to be a constant feature of Shinsou’s pale face. His parents tried their best to let him rest but they needed help and Shinsou was there to give it.

Sometimes though, when the fits of insomnia took him, Shinsou would think back to their first trip up the mountain and those little blue floating lights. Just what were they even? An animal maybe? Why did that animal, if it WAS an animal, seem so interested in their wagon and specifically, in HIM? Shinsou could never find a satisfactory answer and even into his teens, those little blue lights haunted his thoughts.

One night a few weeks after Shinsou turned 14, he wandered out into the barn. It was late, probably 2 in the morning but he couldn’t sleep and found the only thing that really relaxed him was taking care of the animals, especially the horses. A light snow fell from the sky, sticking to the ground around him and Shinsou paused, peering up at the stars. They were barely visible now through the cover of clouds but he could still see a few, shimmering in the distance.

Somewhere behind him, the snow crunched and Shinsou nearly jumped, spinning around, lantern quickly raised. Just out of reach of the lamp’s light, Shinsou finally saw them. There they were again; those tiny blue lights from so many years ago only they seemed to have grown a bit and hovered higher off the ground than before. Shinsou inhaled sharply.

“Leave me alone!” he growled and thrust the lantern forward. The little blue lights recoiled at first and Shinsou heard…or thought he heard…what sounded like a yowl. Frowning, Shinsou took a step forward, lantern still held aloft until the little blue lights weren’t the only thing visible to him.

There in the light dusting of snow, sat a snow leopard. Or at least, Shinsou thought he recognized it as a snow leopard, having only seen them in pictures in the books his mother had. It was white and speckled with black spots but on the tail and top of its head there was a dusting of gold fur, the tail ending in a very fluffy, very gold looking tuft. The gold fur seemed to be a bit of motif in the animal’s fur; speckling the tips of its ears, nose and even around its eyes. The animal’s eyes were black as the night but the pupils were a bright, vivid blue and it was those pupils that glowed out at him through the darkness. The leopard yowled again.

Shinsou blinked. This whole time…it was a big…cat. A predator big cat, he had to remind himself. But a cat nevertheless. And Shinsou had a particular affinity for cats.

He lowered the lantern a little.

“Hey,” he breathed, taking another step towards the animal and finding himself feeling pretty stupid. This was a terrible decision. The leopard shifted slightly, yowling again but didn’t seem to be ready to run. Or to lunge at him.

It was only then that Shinsou noticed the rather large gash that ran up the leopard’s right paw. It held the paw off the ground slightly and Shinsou could see that the wound looked rather fresh, blood bubbling at the surface. The wound startled Shinsou and he felt the annoyance drain from him completely. Had…had the animal come here because of its injury? Maybe it needed help?

Slowly, Shinsou slid back a step. “Wait there…I can help you…” he said to the leopard, still feeling rather stupid for thinking the animal could understand him. But it seemed it did. It shifted to sit a bit more comfortably, ears flicking and tail swishing behind him, sending up a flurry of snow.

“Good…just…hang on…” Shinsou said softly and slid into the barn. The horses didn’t seem bothered by the predator that lurked outside and neighed gently as he passed. He could only stop and pat their snouts in comfort before finding the aid kit they held in the barn for their animals.

When Shinsou came back out, the snow leopard was still there, much to his surprise. He thought maybe the animal would slink off to kill the chickens or something. But no, it sat there patiently watching him with its strange eyes. It occurred to Shinsou that those eyes probably weren’t quite normal for a snow leopard but he decided to ignore that fact, carefully moving forward and clutching both lamp and first aid kit.

He didn’t want to spook the animal but he was also highly aware that he probably looked like a fine snack for a starving predator. Still, he inched forward and the leopard, as if sensing his nerves, suddenly flopped down onto the snowy ground, extending a paw and making itself seem as harmless as possible. Shinsou wasn’t sure if that actually made him feel less stupid but he finally forced himself as close to the leopard as he could, sitting down into the snow.

“…Geez…how did you manage that?” he breathed to the animal as he got a good look at the gash that ran up its extended paw. The leopard let out a tiny mewl, its ears wiggling before pressing back against its head and Shinsou had to marvel at just how smart the animal seemed. Whatever happened, it seemed to recognize that what it did was stupid, tail swishing in the snow behind it.

Carefully, Shinsou set to work. He cleaned the wound as best as he could, eliciting a slightly displeased yowl from the leopard. “Not my fault you got hurt,” Shinsou chastised and the leopard mewled weakly in agreement.

It was so strange, Shinsou considered as he dressed the wound, carefully bandaging it before sitting back on his heels. “There you go. As good as it will be,” he said at last and the leopard peered at its paw, studying it carefully with ears perked. It sniffed at the bandages, crinkled its nose and sneezed before peering at Shinsou.

Shinsou thought that maybe now that the leopard got it wanted from him, it would try to eat him or something. But the animal did no such thing. Still lying on its belly, it edged even closer to Shinsou who extended a hand despite himself, finding a leopard snoot booping into his palm. The feeling shocked him into a moment of realization and he couldn’t help but laugh.

“You’re an odd one,” he murmured to the leopard, finding its head now fully rubbing against his hand. And Shinsou loved cats…so this cat was a bit bigger than normal cats but still, he couldn’t help himself, fingers stretching to scratch behind the animal’s ears. It purred its appreciation and leaned more into his hand, its ears wiggling and Shinsou wasn’t even sure why he was ever scared of it at all.

He must have sat there with the leopard for what felt like hours, even though in reality, it was likely just one hour. But a strange thing began to happen. Shinsou started to feel tired. He wasn’t sure why or how but sleepiness washed over him and he yawned loudly. The leopard’s ears perked up and it gently nudged his hand.

When Shinsou peered at it, the animal made what could only be described as a chirp before its head tilted towards Shinsou then his home. Shinsou couldn’t help another laugh.

“Yeah…” he muttered softly, giving the leopard a final pat on the head before slowly hefting himself to stand. He was at their front door when he turned, peering back. The leopard watched him, sitting up now with its head tilted and injured paw raised. It made another chirp at Shinsou before turning and slowly disappearing into the trees. Shinsou smiled faintly and stalked back inside, ready for an actual night of sleep.

“Mom…do snow leopards hurt people?” Shinsou asked the next morning over breakfast, swirling his mug of milk. His mother paused in cutting up freshly baked bread to think.

“I…don’t think so, Hitoshi. They tend to run away from people and they’re not very aggressive.”

“Huh…”

“Why do you ask?”

Shinsou shrugged, taking another swig of milk and stealing a slice of bread, stopping to sniff at it for a moment. Nothing was better than freshly baked bread. “No reason…just wondering,” he said at last, focusing more on his breakfast before rushing off for his daytime chores.

Starting from that day, Shinsou would see the snow leopard almost every day. The animal usually came out at dawn or dusk but Shinsou would always see it, either somewhere among the trees or, if it was nighttime, laying around next to their little house. Shinsou would sit with it at night, finding that he got tired a lot quicker and that his insomnia was somehow far more manageable with the snow leopard around. One time he had even fallen asleep against the animal, waking up as he heard stirring inside the house and hurriedly having to rush the leopard out of sight. The last thing he wanted was for his father to shoot it in fear.

It was mid fall now and Shinsou had wandered off into the woods to gather mushrooms. What he really wanted was to hunt but his father wouldn’t let him hunt alone quite yet.

“You’re almost ready, Hitoshi,” his father promised, smiling tiredly, “you just need more practice.”

And Shinsou, despite his resentment to needing more practice, privately agreed. Still, they needed food and he had chores so he journeyed off mushroom picking. He had gotten really good over the years in identifying edible mushrooms and now was the perfect season to find the best ones. It didn’t take long for his leopard friend to join him, despite it still being daytime but Shinsou felt safer with it for company.

He wasn’t really sure WHY it joined him though. Every time Shinsou picked a mushroom, the leopard would sniff at it before wrinkling its nose in displeasure and batting it with a fluffy paw. It made Shinsou laugh, gently nudging the paw away before stashing the mushroom away and continuing with his task. By the time he decided to take a break, he had a sizably filled basket of mushrooms sitting at his side. Shinsou picked soft looking patch of moss to sit on, shaded by the still not quite shed leaves of a large oak, settling quite comfortably with the leopard laying at his side.

He brought some food from home and shared some meat with the leopard, watching it curiously. Strange how a wild animal hung around him so often, Shinsou considered, taking a sip of water from his canteen.

“Don’t you…have a leopard family or something?” he asked it, not really expecting a response as the leopard raised its head, ears flicking in his direction. It chirped.

Shinsou couldn’t help a faint laugh. “I mean, I’m just…some guy…why even hang around me?” he still felt silly…asking an animal questions he knew it couldn’t answer. Shinsou was halfway though taking another sip of water when his head suddenly felt funny.

I could tell you, I guess, came a voice from seemingly nowhere and Shinsou spat out his water in surprise, looking around. He found no one. Shinsou stared around before his eyes landed on the leopard.

“What?” he blurted. The animal chirped at him again.

It’s not that interesting but if you wanna know, I could tell you, said the voice again and Shinsou stared hard at the animal. Was…was he hallucinating? The snow leopard’s ears twitched and it wrinkled his nose before sitting up, tail swishing behind it.

Slowly, the leopard rotated its shoulder blades and Shinsou saw…or THOUGHT he saw, as the fur began to retract into skin. The nose narrowed gradually and the cat-like mouth turned into a very human set of lips and just like that the leopard was replaced by a very odd looking, but strangely handsome young man. Or more of a boy. In fact, if Shinsou could tear himself out of his shock, he would recognize that they were the same age.

Yes, he was definitely strange looking and not entirely human. Where human ears would be, the leopard ears remained, slight tufts of fur still clinging to the edges of the boy’s jawline and his long tail still swished behind him. When he raised his hands, they were mostly human but Shinsou saw that the palms and the tips of his fingers still had what one would describe as “toe beans.” He was dressed in white pants and a white coat, gold fur lining his collar and hems as well as the black what looked to be turtleneck that hid under his white coat. There were no shoes.

Shinsou gaped. The boy was smiling, a bit sheepishly. “I’m really sorry,” he was saying, “I meant to do this a lot earlier but just…uh…you really seemed to like cat me and I didn’t want to ruin it…it was wrong to keep this going for so long though.”

He may have been speaking but Shinsou’s brain registered almost none of it and when the boy stopped talking Shinsou clattered back into the moment unpleasantly.

“What???” he asked, far louder than he would have liked and was met with a quizzical look from those same black, blue-irised eyes.

“I’m sorry?” the boy repeated slowly.

“You’re…”

“Yes?”

“What are you?!”

“I…I don’t really know, actually,” the boy said sheepishly and Shinsou could see how sharp his teeth had remained. He swallowed.

“I…”

The sheepish smile faded considerably as Shinsou kept floundering. “Oh no,” the boy said gently, frowning and ears drooping, “I…maybe this was a bad idea. I’m sorry, I just thought…I dunno…” he trailed off, watching Shinsou go on some kind of face-journey, “this was a mistake.”

Shinsou surged to his feet abruptly. “I have to go,” he said and without waiting for a response, dashed through the trees. He didn’t take any time to look back at the strange leopard boy as he broke into a run. Shinsou knew very well that if he wanted to, the other could catch up quite easily. Tackle him or something. But there was no sound of pursuit, no crunching of paws in fallen leaves and Shinsou didn’t stop running until he reached their little home.

He doubled over, panting for breath and clutching his knees. It was his luck that his parents were off doing their own chores and that no one bothered him as he tried to grasp just what the hell had happened. This wasn’t real…it COULDN’T be real. He was having some kind of weird, WEIRD dream and he really needed to wake up and go about his day. Slapping himself in the face did not help him wake up and achieved nothing but a stinging in his cheek.

This was all too weird and too unreal to actually be reality, Shinsou decided, frowning still as he straightened and rubbing frantically at the back of his neck. Did…did he just kind of make friends with some kind of mountain…faerie? From what he knew of faeries and myths, that boy sure didn’t seem like a faerie…but then…what WAS he?

It was only an hour after worrying about all this that Shinsou realized that he had forgotten his basket and canteen out there in the woods.

Oh no…

He would have to sneak out at night and try and find them and even though it was stupid to go out at night, Shinsou didn’t really have a choice. When evening came and they settled in for supper, he lied to his parents, saying he never went mushroom picking and instead did something else. They looked unhappy but didn’t reprimand him and Shinsou ate his dinner quietly, mind still reeling.

When night rolled around, Shinsou had started to get dressed, moving quietly as to not wake his mother and father when a tiny noise outside alerted him of something just behind their front door and he dashed for it. It was hard to move both quickly AND quietly but Shinsou managed, the door swinging open just to catch a glimpse of a turning leopard. He just barely noticed his canteen lying neatly on top of his basket full of mushrooms, almost tripping over them in his haste.

“Wait!” he managed just as the leopard almost disappeared into the trees. The animal paused, peering back at Shinsou but its ears were pressed to its head…like it was still regretful. Shinsou swallowed the lump in his throat.

“Can we talk?” he asked finally, heart thumping loudly in his chest, “I mean…can I talk to the real you?” he added, trying his best not to show just how nervous he felt.

The snow leopard’s ears perked up slightly and it chirped its agreement before slowly, it was replaced with the young boy. Shinsou swallowed. Here we go, he thought, beckoning for the boy to join him by the barn.

They had barely moved to settle when the boy was speaking. “I’m really sorry if I scared you…I shouldn’t even have pretended as long as I have but you needed to know. It was the right thing to do to tell you even if you don’t want to see me aga…”

“Please.”

“Huh?”

“It’s…not that,” Shinsou said after a moment, watching the boy’s ears perk up, “first uh…do you have a name? It’s weird not knowing your name.”

“Mashirao…Mashirao Ojiro.”

A full name too…that was definitely interesting. Shinsou nodded. “I’m Hitoshi Shinsou. I uh…I have to apologize too…” Ojiro quirked an eyebrow at that.

“I didn’t mean to run,” Shinsou explained, rubbing at the back of his neck, “it just…it was a lot.”

“I know…I don’t know if there’s a GOOD way of showing this kind of thing,” Ojiro said after a thought, “I just knew I couldn’t keep pretending to be nothing more than a big cat.”

“I like cats,” Shinsou couldn’t help but blurt, Ojiro blinking at him and making him feel even more self conscious, “I guess you’re right though. Still, I’m…glad you showed me.”

“…Really?”

“Yes…plus, it’ll be nice to have a friend I can talk to…a friend that will reply, I mean.”

Ojiro perked up considerably and Shinsou saw his tail rise, swishing back and forth. He was…wagging his tail, Shinsou realized with a pang and it almost made him flush. Since when did cats wag their tails?! Still, Shinsou considered as he rubbed at the back of his neck, it was…cute. Ojiro was smiling, sharp teeth so white in the darkness.

“I’m really glad I didn’t scare you off,” he said with an awkward laugh, “it would have been kinda…lonely if I had…”

“Lonely? Don’t you have parents?”

“Of course I do…I just…having a friend is nice too.”

“No friends?”

“We’re…snow leopards don’t usually travel in a pack. And how many do you imagine are like me?” Ojiro asked, his smile sheepish. Shinsou blinked. Right…

“So…you’d want to be friends?”

Ojiro’s sheepish smile relaxed into something softer. “Yes.”

He sounded so genuine that Shinsou suddenly felt terrible for running away earlier. Still, this was…nice. And so was Ojiro.

That night, Shinsou fell asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow, dreaming of fur and soft hugs.

And so Ojiro became a regular part of Shinsou’s life, Shinsou gratified in the fact that having the leopard not always be a leopard no longer made him feel weird and awkward. It took some adjusting, of course but Shinsou had learned to appreciate his friend for who he was. He was also just…very soft, Shinsou discovered, and not just in his snow leopard form.

It was also a pleasant surprise to discover that having a leopard for a friend made hunting just a wee bit easier. Ojiro seemed to know when they needed to go for a hunt and would skulk just on the outskirts of vision, keeping animals like deer penned in and easier to catch. Shinsou thought that they might be getting a bit spoiled from all this help but really, he didn’t complain.

At night, Shinsou would sneak out of the house and he and Ojiro would talk, sometimes for hours on end until Shinsou felt tired enough to crawl back to bed. Sometimes they’d go up the hayloft in the barn and other times they’d even walk around, strolling through the woods just around Shinsou’s home.

And over the years, Shinsou had begun to actually…cherish the company. Ojiro was soft not just because of the fur. He was a gentle, careful young man who seemed to value being honest and honorable to the highest level and liked to be as helpful as he possibly could.

When Shinsou turned 18, he decided that he wanted to celebrate his birthday not just with his parents. Throughout the day, he snuck food here and there until he had a respectable basket to take with him. When Ojiro arrived that night, Shinsou dragged both the basket and the other boy up to the hay loft, spreading out a rather nice, only slightly impromptu picnic.

Shinsou thought Ojiro would ask why. But Ojiro came prepared and when they settled in to snack, he carefully dug around his coat.

“So…I hear it’s your birthday, Hitoshi,” he said coyly and Shinsou spluttered over his mouthful of food.

“Mmmyesh?” Shinsou managed, swallowing and frowning, “how did you even..?” he trailed off without finishing as Ojiro beamed toothily, pointing at a wiggling ear. Shinsou felt a little dumb.

“Right…”

Ojiro’s toothy smile grew, his fangs as sharp as ever. “I’m nothing if not attentive, Toshi,” he said easily, finally finding what he was looking for.

He suddenly looked a bit sheepish. “I’ve never actually made a present for a human before…so uh…” trailing off, Ojiro refused to look at him and shoved something into Shinsou’s hands. Peering down, Shinsou found what appeared to be a small packet wrapped entirely out of tree leaves. He couldn’t help the faint smile that spread over his face, carefully unwrapped the leaves while Ojiro sat next to him in anticipation.

As the leaves fell away, Shinsou found a necklace sitting in the middle of his palms, made entirely of feathers that ranged in shades of blue, some shimmering with a sheen of violet. They were neatly arranged and went from big to small to big again, repeating in pattern until the midpoint, the rest of it comprised of what looked like beads.

Shinsou blinked, lifting the necklace to his eyes. “How did you..?”

“My mother knows a few things…like how to make beads,” Ojiro admitted, still looking bashful as he watched Shinsou. Carefully, Shinsou’s fingers ran over each feather, feeling their softness before looking over at his friend.

“You didn’t…kill these birds, did you?” he asked slowly and Ojiro let out a slightly startled sounding laugh.

“Of course not! I found these and cleaned them up.”

Shinsou smiled. “Well, it’s beautiful, Mashi…thank you.”

Ojiro beamed wide, his canines protruding over his lower lip and his tail wagging. “I’m so glad! Humans are so hard to think of things for.”

“You didn’t even really have to give me anything,” Shinsou pointed out but Ojiro waved him off.

“No, no, it’s human tradition and besides…I wanted to,” he said and looked bashful once more. Shinsou’s own smile softened and, setting the necklace down, he pulled Ojiro into his arms for a deep hug. Ojiro made a slight noise of surprise at first but let his arms wrap around Shinsou after a moment, pulling him closer and wrapping his tail around both of them.

They sat like that for quite a while, Shinsou nuzzling his nose into Ojiro’s shoulder and breathing him in. He smelled of pine and bark and felt so soft that Shinsou really didn’t want to let go. Ojiro really didn’t seem to mind, judging by the light thumping of his tail tip against the wooden floorboards and when Shinsou finally DID let go, Ojiro looked quite content. His ears flickered and he all but purred and Shinsou, being a man of weak impulse control, reached over, hands cupping Ojiro’s cheeks.

Ojiro’s eyes immediately snapped open, peering at Shinsou quizzically. “Toshi?”

“I uh…” Shinsou trailed off, not being to find the right thing to say while his hands slowly migrated from Ojiro’s cheeks to his ears, careful fingers beginning gently rub at those fluffy leopard ears. Ojiro made a small appreciative noise in the back of his throat and slowly, his eyes closed again. This time Ojiro did actually purr, ears flicking gently under Shinsou’s touch until finally, reluctantly, Shinsou drew his hands away.

“I’m sorry,” Shinsou said slowly, peering at his hands, “that…might have been out of line.”

When he looked over at Ojiro, he was smiling toothily. “It’s okay, you know. That was…nice.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhhmmm…”

“Well…uh…I…kinda…” Shinsou trailed off, frowning at himself. What he REALLY wanted to do was something entirely different but he wasn’t sure how Ojiro would react. Still, Shinsou reasoned, he’d never know until he tried it. Carefully, Shinsou’s hands rose to Ojiro’s cheeks again.

“Please stop me,” he murmured not actually wanting to stop but definitely knowing he would if Ojiro showed any sign of discomfort. Maybe it was something he’d wanted to do for a while. Maybe his birthday was the best time to do such things. Regardless, Shinsou leaned forward and his lips pressed carefully to Ojiro’s own. He heard Ojiro rumble something but when Shinsou dared to take a tentative peak, the other boy’s eyes had closed. He felt Ojiro’s lips slowly part against his own and Shinsou just KNEW this was the right thing.

It was a few moments before Shinsou drew away, hands still cupping Ojiro’s cheeks while Ojiro’s eyes remained closed for a few moments. When they finally opened, he looked almost dumbstruck.

“Wow,” he breathed, “is that how humans say thank you?”

Shinsou wasn’t sure if that was a joke or genuine but rolled his eyes with a soft “pfft” until Ojiro laughed. “I…wow…Toshi…I didn’t realize…I mean...”

“Yeah,” Shinsou said and one hand left Ojiro’s cheeks to rub against his own neck, “I…uh…might have wanted to do that for quite some time now,” he admitted, his cheeks burning a little. He felt Ojiro’s own cheek press against his hand more, leaning into the touch.

“Well…that makes two then,” Ojiro admitted and Shinsou couldn’t help a faint laugh.

“Pair of idiots, we are,” he chuckled, seeing Ojiro’s toothy grin return.

“Yup,” Ojiro said before carefully leaning forward and pressing another kiss to Shinsou’s lips, his hands now resting on his shoulders. For his own part, Shinsou was more than happy to return the kiss, this time with more purpose. And even though it was sloppy and sometimes veered off coarse completely, Shinsou could now very well say that he loved these kisses.

When Ojiro broke away again, he sat back looking breathy and satisfied with himself, ears fully perked up. Shinsou couldn’t help but snort at him, reaching over to flick his nose before finally allowing both of them to return to their food and the more casual talk, their hands now intertwined.

So now Ojiro was a far larger part of Shinsou’s life than Shinsou could ever have imagined he’d be. Their night time interludes became about more than just talk and Shinsou had to be even MORE careful that his parents never caught them. Nevermind explaining what he was doing with a boy who had a tail and leopard ears, Shinsou dreaded even the idea of his parents finding out that Ojiro existed. He wondered if Ojiro noticed or worse, if Ojiro resented that fact. Still, he never said anything about it to Shinsou if he DID.

After Shinsou turned 20, his father finally agreed that he was old enough, and GOOD enough to go hunting by himself. It was such a proud day that Shinsou, in his subdued excitement, forgot to either tell or even wait for Ojiro, packing a bow, a knife and some food and heading out into the mountains. It was a slightly cloudy but mostly sunny day in mid-December and Shinsou took to hiking up the mountain with fervor. He WANTED to hunt and he wanted to do it without any help. The gods know that he waited far too long to be able to this himself.

In retrospect, Shinsou should have waited for Ojiro. Also in retrospect, it was probably definitely a terrible idea to go out under any cloud cover at all. Shinsou should have known that…should have learned it from years of living in the mountains. As he hiked, the cloud cover grew thicker and darker, hiding any stray sprays of sunshine and slowly, it began to snow. Snow, in itself, wasn’t a terrible thing and Shinsou was dressed appropriately for the weather. But snow in the mountains tended to escalate quickly and before it dawned on Shinsou that he was being a huge, gigantic idiot and he should probably turn back, the snow was to his knees.

Shinsou groaned into his scarf. Why was he being so stupid? He could hunt at literally any time. But maybe it was being denied it for so long that made Shinsou want to strike out IMMEDIATELY as soon as he was given the okay. It was stupid.

The snow grew harder, swirling in his face and eyes and piling up incredibly quick, so “to his knees” became almost to his hips in a matter of 20 minutes. Shinsou had turned around by then, but the going was slow and laborious, despite going downhill and if he was honest with himself, it was incredibly difficult to get his bearings or to figure out if he was even going the right way. “Downhill” was right ENOUGH but he wasn’t sure on the direction any more.

“Stupid…” Shinsou muttered under his breath despite that mounting sense of danger and his own mounting sense of fear. But he had to remain calm. If he panicked now, he’d be done for.

Still, it was very hard to find proper footing and his foot kept disappearing into large snow banks until finally, almost inevitably, he misstepped, slipped and came crashing down rather ungracefully, the back of his head colliding with something hard. Shinsou’s world went black.

When he awoke, his whole body felt numb and his head hurt fiercely. Shinsou wheezed slightly for air and found that he was, at least partially, buried in snow. Wind howled all around him but all he thought he heard was the howling of wolves. Night had come and Shinsou could hardly see his hand even as he raised it to his eyes. His teeth chattered and when he tried to open his mouth, he found his lips barely moved. Gods…was he going to die out here? Stupid…so stupid. The back of his head felt very wet and Shinsou hoped weakly that it was just snow and not anything else.

The howling seemed to draw closer as Shinsou desperately tried to stay conscious. If he blacked out now, he likely wouldn’t wake up again. He was already so buried in snow that he was fairly certain that no one would find him. Trying to raise a hand once more, Shinsou attempted to weakly brush snow from his chest. The snow was heavy and still mounting and his weak efforts achieved nothing but sending pain coursing through his whole body. Shit…

If he was lucky enough to get out of this alive, Shinsou thought weakly, his father will NEVER let him try and hunt alone again. And he supposed with good reason. Stupid…

“H…” was all he managed, the strain of trying making pain shoot through his body once more, so violently that Shinsou’s world blacked out.

The next time Shinsou woke up, fire crackled merrily next to him and he was wrapped in a very familiar, very furry, white coat. The wind still howled in the distance but it was blocked by thick stone walls of what Shinsou eventually recognized as a cave. His head still hurt, but not nearly as bad and he could smell what he thought was some kind of herb. Moving still hurt though.

“It’s okay,” came a very familiar and very worried voice from above him and when Shinsou let his gaze travel all the way up, he finally saw what looked to him to be the most beautiful face he could ever see.

Shinsou rasped out weakly and Ojiro managed a very shaky smile. “You will be alright,” Ojiro promised carefully and Shinsou smelled the herbs a bit closer now, finally noticing the small stone bowl Ojiro held in his free hand. His other hand was trying its best not to cling to Shinsou’s own. Shinsou could tell that Ojiro wanted nothing more than to hold his hand and not let go but he was also trying his best to be productive and get Shinsou out of the very bad situation Shinsou had gotten himself into.

Eventually, Ojiro drew his hand away, leaning forward to stoke at the fire before grabbing another small stone bowl and pouring something into it.

“I’m going to sit you up just a little,” Ojiro said softly, “I need you to drink all of this, okay?” Shinsou grunted weakly in response as Ojiro moved, gently sliding Shinsou up from where his head rested on Ojiro’s lap. The stone bowl was raised to his lips and Shinsou took a long, slow sip. The liquid was just warm enough to heat his insides but didn’t burn his lips and he practically chugged it as Ojiro carefully tipped the bowl.

When he finished, the bowl was set aside and Ojiro carefully brushed a very fragrant liquid to Shinsou’s forehead, his tail carefully moving to cover the other man’s legs. Shinsou inhaled deep.

“Mashi…” he tried weakly and Ojiro’s small smile returned.

“It’s okay, Hitoshi. I’ve got you.”

Shinsou shook his head and felt it sting. “I’m so stupid…” he muttered instead. Ojiro’s expression weakened.

“Toshi…”

“I am…I shoulda waited for you…or shouldn’t have gone…”

“You should have,” Ojiro said but his voice was soft and steeped in worry, “I’m just…glad I found you.”

“…Me too…”

Ojiro’s hands moved carefully, one pressing to Shinsou’s cheek. Shinsou smiled feebly. “I’m sorry for making you worry.”

“Forgiven,” Ojiro said after a moment but he couldn’t help a weak smile, “it’s not just me you should be sorry to though…”

Shinsou blinked before realization hit him and he groaned. Ojiro was right. His parents were going to kill him.

“Mashirao,” he said but Ojiro, as if knowing what he was going to say, shook his head.

“Not yet. You’re not remotely well enough to go anywhere.”

“But…”

“If we go now, I may be bringing your parents your corpse,” Ojiro said bluntly, frowning and Shinsou sucked in a breath. He was right of course…

Ojiro’s expression softened, careful fingers stroking Shinsou’s cheek. “Give it time. I promise we will go as soon as you are feeling better. Right now isn’t that time…we have to get you warm and get your head better.”

“…Right…”

“Good. Try to rest, okay?”

Shinsou nodded carefully and finally let his eyes close. Ojiro was warm and fluffy all around him, his fingers pulling back from Shinsou’s cheek to rest gently on his shoulder and with that warmth, Shinsou finally drifted off.

It took Shinsou a good few days to feel actually better and by that time the snow had stopped falling, some of it even melting when the sun finally came out. Ojiro had stayed by Shinsou’s side the whole time, tending to him and only disappearing to catch food.

When Shinsou was finally well enough to move, Ojiro finally took back his white coat, wrapping it around himself and studying Shinsou who was sitting up now, all by himself.

“It’s probably about that time, right? Ojiro asked.

Shinsou nodded. “I have to get back. They must be worried sick by now.”

“You can ride me.”

“…What?”

Ojiro smiled faintly, looking a bit embarrassed. “I mean, in my leopard form. The snow is still pretty heavy and I can find a path far easier than you. Plus traveling in snow doesn’t bother me,” he shrugged. Shinsou kept staring at him, making Ojiro actually blush.

“What? It’s a good idea! Plus, you’ll be comfy,” he said weakly and finally, Shinsou laughed.

“You don’t have to try and convince me, Mashi. I was just…surprised,” Shinsou admitted before finally standing, gathering his things. It was a blessing that Ojiro insisted they wait to travel as Shinsou felt almost like himself again. Whatever that herb was did wonders for both his body and his mind and he felt almost ready to take on anything. Except maybe another blizzard.

When Shinsou was ready, the snow leopard trotted up to his side, chirping brightly and bumping its nose against Shinsou’s hand. It made Shinsou smile, bending down to press a careful smooch to Ojiro’s nose.

“I’m ready,” he said, Ojiro chirping again before letting Shinsou clamber onto his back. It was both their luck that Shinsou was a relatively light for his height and could ride on the relatively small snow leopard with ease. The journey itself was fairly uneventful and Shinsou leaned down through most of it, pressed against the snow leopard’s back and hugging him.

By the time they drew close to Shinsou’s home, he could see both his father and mother were outside; his mother fretfully feeding the chickens while his father paced up and down. He paced and paced, treading a well worn path into the snow.

“He must have gotten caught out in the blizzard,” his mother was saying shakily, her face pale and her eyes bloodshot. His father grimaced.

“Why did he go that day? I thought he’d know better than that,” his father replied and Shinsou sighed internally. He SHOULD have known better.

“I’m almost done, we can go look again…” his mother said weakly and Shinsou slid off Ojiro, ruffling a hand through his fur for reassurance before slowly walking through the trees.

“I’m uh…I’m back…” he called over to them, seeing both their eyes go wide. His mother was on her feet immediately, running over to him.

“Oh Hitoshi, you’re alive, thank the gods! We were so worried!” she cried, pulling him into her arms and burying her face in his chest, making Shinsou feel altogether wretched. His father was at their side at once.

“What were you thinking, Hitoshi?” he chastised but his eyes were bloodshot and when his mother finally let Shinsou go, his father pulled him into a hug immediately. Shinsou felt his eyes water.

“I’m…so sorry…it was so stupid…” he breathed at last, leaning into his father. It didn’t matter that they told him off more. He deserved it for making them worry. What mattered now was that he was back.

Hearing the trees rustle and peering back, Shinsou could see Ojiro peeking out and finally decided to do what they had agreed on. Shinsou inhaled deep, his mother needlessly cleaning his face.

“How did you get out of that blizzard, Hitoshi?” she was saying, fretfully rubbing at a speck of dust that wasn’t there. Shinsou managed a weak smile.

“I…had help,” he said softly, gesturing behind himself just as both his parents looked up to see the slightly human and very fluffy Ojiro standing close to a tree. His mother let out a noise and his father seized for Shinsou’s bow.

That sounds like a terrible idea, Ojiro had told him as they traveled, his chirp coming out weakly. Shinsou ruffled a hand behind his ears.

“It will be okay, and I’ll be there,” he tried to reassure, Ojiro’s ears twitching at the touch.

No offense, Hitoshi, but you haven’t been a fountain of good ideas recently.

Shinsou laughed weakly at that. He wasn’t wrong. “…I just…I’m tired of hiding you…of hiding…this…even if they react badly and we have to leave, I want to tell them.”

Shinsou quickly grabbed his father’s wrist. “Hitoshi, what IS that?!” his father demanded and Ojiro looked about ready to run into the trees once more. Shinsou frowned.

“He saved me, dad.”

“…What?”

“He saved me when I was a complete moron and went into that blizzard. I wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for him. So don’t you dare think of even touching that bow.”

His mother’s eyes dashed from Shinsou to Ojiro, looking quite a bit frightened. “But Hitoshi…what…is…he?” she breathed at last and Shinsou felt his heart hurt a little.

“He’s my…” the word friend died on his lips. What was Ojiro to him now? More than a friend. More than a confidant. It had been YEARS since Shinsou had thought of Ojiro as just a friend. He meant so much to Shinsou that he wasn’t even sure he could adequately explain it in words. Shinsou swallowed thickly.

“…I love him, mom,” he said at last and he swore he could hear a pin drop in the silence that followed. Ojiro looked as startled as his parents, both his hands pressing to his face. His father was the first to recover.

“You…love…him?”

“I’ve…I’ve known him since I was 14…I…he means a lot to me.”

Both his parents still looked dumbstruck and Shinsou slid back a pace. “I won’t let you hurt him…” he said adamantly, moving again so that the bow was out of reach, “and if you can’t accept that...then maybe I shouldn’t have come back.”

His mother’s expression fell completely and, looking between a very determined Shinsou and a very startled Ojiro, she carefully reached over, cupping Shinsou’s hand in both of hers.

“Hitoshi, you mean the world to us. And if this boy means so much to you, then who are we to say no?” she said gently, startling Shinsou out of his defenses. He blinked.

“I…”

“You’ve known him since you were 14?”

“…Yes.”

“How in the world did you keep this secret?” his mother asked incredulously and Shinsou couldn’t help a weak laugh.

“I…have insomnia…so I go out a lot at night…” he said, carefully beckoning for Ojiro. The other still looked unsure but finally, and carefully he slid from the trees, taking his time in coming over. His mother’s eyes were full of wonder as Ojiro finally drew near, hiding a little behind Shinsou.

“I would never hurt your son,” Ojiro said after a moment, his tail curled as close to his body as he could get it. He spoke softly, still unsure and visibly afraid of what they would do. Shinsou’s mother watched him for a moment before her hands left Shinsou’s and she carefully reached over, allowing herself to pat Ojiro’s shoulder.

“You saved him?” she asked gently. Ojiro nodded. She smiled.

“Do you…feel the way he does too?” she asked and Ojiro made a tiny chirp in surprise, his tail unfurling. He looked to consider the question seriously and Shinsou felt his heart in his throat. What if he said no? What if Shinsou read into this wrong? He couldn’t breathe.

“Yes,” Ojiro said at last and Shinsou saw his cheeks grow a little pink, ears wiggling, “he…I’m bad with words but…he means the world to me.”

Shinsou watched his mother’s face change and soon, she was smiling carefully before pulling Ojiro into her arms for a light but genuine hug. “Thank you for saving Hitoshi,” she said, “I am glad you found each other.”

When she pulled back, Ojiro looked genuinely stunned but finally let his face crack into one of his slightly goofy but gentle smiles. It made Shinsou’s insides feel all warm and fuzzy before all three of them looked expectantly at Shinsou’s father. The older man still looked stunned and stared at Ojiro; from his ears all the way to his tail then back to those black, blue-irised eyes.

“This…is a lot…” his father said at last. Shinsou exhaled sharply.

“…Dad?”

His father rubbed at his quite impressive beard, frowning slightly. When his eyes landed on Ojiro, his expression softened just enough for Shinsou to notice. Shinsou also saw just how nervous Ojiro looked, his ears pinned against his head and tail curled once more.

“I’m…not…against this…” his father said at last, watching Ojiro’s ears perk up a little, “it’s…just a lot.” Shinsou chewed on his bottom lip, anticipating something worse. But worse never came.

“Thank you…for saving our son.”

Shinsou exhaled a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding, about ready to slump into the snow in relief as his father extended a hand to Ojiro. Ojiro studied that hand quizzically and his father actually laughed. “You shake it.”

“…Why?”

“As…hm…it’s an acknowledgment for what you did and a proper greeting.”

Ojiro blinked and Shinsou couldn’t help but laugh softly before Ojiro carefully took the offered hand, shaking it with his own. Shinsou’s father looked satisfied enough and, after hugging Shinsou once more, both he and his mother retreated back to their home with the promise of breakfast.

Ojiro exhaled deep, shoulders drooping in relief. “I thought he’d kill me,” he laughed. Shinsou snorted.

“…Well…me too.”

Ojiro stared at him, letting out a laugh of disbelief. “I can’t believe you, Hitoshi. Blindsiding me like that!” he said, reaching over and smacking Shinsou’s shoulder.

Shinsou snorted again. “I’m sure I have no idea what you’re talking abo…” he broke off just as Ojiro pulled him forward into a very tight and very warm hug.

“You said you loved me! Right to your parents! I thought I was going to die of shock,” Ojiro said, but he was laughing, burying his face in Shinsou’s shoulder. Shinsou for his part wrapped his arms around Ojiro in return, smiling faintly.

“It was the truth,” he said, “everyone deserves to know the truth.”

“Yeah…”

“I’m just sorry it took that long to say it.”

Ojiro leaned back, those black eyes staring at Shinsou in earnest. “So you meant it?”

“Of course I meant it, Mashi. I don’t say things I don’t mean…words are powerful things.”

Ojiro’s toothy smile drew across his face and he leaned forward, pressing his lips to Shinsou’s for the quickest of kisses. “Well…I love you too…you strange human,” he said as he pulled back, tail now wagging in full force. Shinsou smiled gently, pressing a hand carefully to Ojiro’s jaw, fingers idly rubbing at one of those soft ears.

“I’m glad…” he muttered, feeling practically weightless at the admission.

Things would be…okay now. More okay than they were before. Now they didn’t have to sneak around at night and he didn’t have to pretend that Ojiro didn’t exist, worrying about what his parents would do if they found him with a strange creature. But Ojiro was beautiful and Ojiro was his and Shinsou felt like maybe he was dreaming. After all the awful things that happened when he decided to be stupid, this wasn’t the outcome he had been expecting. At all.

Shinsou’s smile remained. “Love you, Mashi,” he whispered and kissed him.

They’d be okay after all.