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Razputin hummed to himself as he plucked a couple bags of chips from the shelf in the store. He was supposed to be going on assignment to meet Lili--a giant, crystal worm had made its way to the surface and needed to be taken care of--but he wanted Fritos. Lili wouldn’t act before he arrived, and he figured she wouldn’t mind getting food, either. He balanced on his arm as he picked up some chocolate for her, as well as a cola for the escort driving him to his assignment. He was still working on teleportation.
“Man, I’m a good boyfriend.” Raz metaphorically patted himself on the back after he paid for the snacks. He gently swung the plastic bag with the food back and forth as he walked out of the store. He headed back to the car, trying to open the chips with gloves on.
“Oh, you can’t be serious.” The boy complained to himself when he found he couldn't get a good enough grip on the bag to open it. He paused on the sidewalk, tugging one glove off with his teeth. “This is stupid.”
Nearby, another boy slowed to a stop. He had been going to get ice-cream (of course he was alone, it’s not like anyone wanted to go with him) when the voice of his mortal enemy seemed to punch him in the gut. Dib’s head whipped up and he looked around quickly for any sign of Zim. He didn’t see any faces of green, but he did find the source of the voice.
“Ugh! Are you kidding me?!” Raz was starting to get angry at the stupid bag of chips for being impossible to open. He had half a mind to use his powers to open it when he heard a loud voice. Did someone just shout… “Jim?” Raz looked up to squint at whoever just yelled.
“ZIM! I knew it was you!” Dib pointed dramatically at what he thought was his arch nemesis. Raz gave him a confused look in return.
“Uh… Sorry, kid, I’m on a job. I’m not ‘Jim.’” Raz shoved the bag of chips back into the bag and started walking again with the intent of ignoring the kid yelling at him. He fought with his glove to get it back on as he let the plastic bag slide down his arm and into the crook of his elbow.
“Your new disguise can’t fool me, Zim!” Dib ran up to ‘Zim’ and grabbed his sleeve. Raz sucked in a deep breath and flicked his hand up. Dib was surprised to find himself in a ball of green light as he was raised in the air away from the other boy. Raz squinted at the kid again as he pounded against the telekinesis ball.
“Listen here, man, it’s not a good idea to grab strangers,” Raz scolded as he put his fist on his hip, holding the other one up to keep the kid in ball.
“How stupid do you think I am, Zim?!”
“You don’t want me to answer that question, kid. Look, I have to meet my girlfriend for something and she’ll kill me if I’m too late. Could you settle down for now?” Razputin sighed.
“HOW DARE YOU?!?! RELEASE MY ENEMY AT ONCE, FIEND!” Another voice surprised Raz out of his thoughts. “ONLY ZIM IS ALLOWED TO HARM THE HUMAN!”
“Great, another one!” The Psychonaut groaned and turned to see whoever the Hell was yelling at him this time. He blinked in surprise when he saw someone with inhumanly green skin and quite possibly the ugliest hair he had ever seen pointing an accusatory finger at him. He noticed the hand only had three fingers.
Dib stared at the alien in the same manner of disbelief as Raz, albeit for different reasons. Raz found himself at a loss for words for a few silent moments.
“What the fuck ?” Raz said out loud, lowering his arm and the orb some. “What is this? Is there a freak convention out here or something?”
“ Zim is no freak ! Now, release that miserable excuse for a flesh maggot immediately!” Zim confidently held his chin in the air, moving his clenched fists down to his sides. “Or face the wrath of ZIM!”
“Am I crazy or is that guy green?” Raz rubbed his eyes with his free hand.
“You’re not--I--” Dib calmed down as the realization hit him. His face lit up in embarrassment. “Oh, no. Oh no. This is so embarrassing. I thought you were him .”
“Dude!” Raz said defensively.
“You-you have the same voice! I-I thought you were him in a better disguise! I’m so sorry.” Dib hid his face in his hands. Raz slowly let the boy down to the ground and let him get to his feet when he took away his telekinesis. “He’s kind of my mortal enemy? And he’s uh, he’s an alien. So.”
“So, I’m not crazy? That guy’s really green?” Raz ran his hand through his hair as he took another look at the alien.
“Yes, he’s green.” Dib wiped himself off despite getting no dirt on him. He gave Zim a dirty look, but it seems like Zim was suddenly looking around for GIR. At least, that’s what Dib could guess from his shouting.
“Good. I thought I needed glasses or something... Aliens, huh? I totally called that.” Raz nodded approvingly. He looked at the watch on his wrist and cursed--he was really late now. He fished in his pocket for a bent business card and pushed it into the stranger’s chest after he found it. “If that alien ever decides to take over the world or something, call me. Name’s Razputin.”
“I’m-I’m Dib--what?” Dib took the card from under Raz’s fingers and straightened it out before reading it.
Agent Razputin Aquato
Psychonaut.
Underneath the title was a phone number to contact him. Dib gasped and his eyes widened.
“You’re a real Psychonaut?! That’s so cool! I knew they were real!” He blinked rapidly, looking back at Raz in wonder. Raz tried hard not to show how awesome being recognized as a Psychonaut by an adoring stranger was, so instead he winked and placed a finger to his lips.
“Don’t go telling anyone.” Raz and Dib both flinched when there was a loud crash! nearby. A quick look showed Zim yanking GIR out of a trash can, but Raz couldn’t stay and question it more. He turned and ran back to the car, apologizing to his escort for taking so long before giving him the cola he never actually asked for.
Meanwhile, Dib was in the middle of wondering if he should be jumping for joy at meeting a Psychonaut or be dying of embarrassment for accusing him of being an alien. He held the business card in his hand as he headed back home, having forgotten about the planned ice-cream trip and the alien that had kind of saved him. If anyone liked him, he’d tell them all about what just happened!