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Diana has never found the holidays more than just days with empty promises of superficial magic she could not grasp. Perhaps her mother’s death near such a supposedly-virtuous date has little to do with it. She can’t look at snow without remembering her mother’s funeral. She can’t drink hot chocolate without comparing it to her mother’s secret recipe. She can’t look at fireworks without remembering Shiny Chariot’s performance – the last time her mother spent time for her selfish, childish, enjoyment. During this time of the year, rather than choking sadness, Diana feels a sense of numb, emptiness spread across her chest just like frost glazing over the lake at the school courtyard.
Hannah and Barbara had already left weeks ago for winter break back to their respective households, of course not without the customary pleads for Diana to accept their invitation over to theirs and her firm refusal, which left the blonde witch to live in their dorm room, alone, for the holidays.
So here she sits, reluctantly eyeing the calendar which marks the meaningless title of: December 31st.
Everyone knows by now that Diana Cavendish simply does not celebrate New Years Eve, let alone the whole of winter holidays.
Everyone but an incorrigible brunette of Atsuko Kagari.
Three loud knocks come from the door, and Diana lets out a sigh as she slowly makes her way to the door. She can guess who it is, especially after this particular girl’s incessant visits during the entire winter break, pestering her to come out of the dorm room. When she reluctantly open the door slowly, there awaits Akko, her fists balled with determination and twinkle in her eye. Diana’s temples already throb as she braces herself for the familiar argument to arise.
“Diana it’s New Years Eve, you have to come – “
“Akko,” Diana offers a small apologetic smile, “We’ve been through this, I really don’t – “
“Okay, but that was Christmas, and hey, you still came to the grand dinner in the end!” Akko puffs her chest out proudly as she grins her goofy, illuminated smile.
“That…” Diana remembers clear as day, her pacing around the room as she contemplates her choices in dramatic fashion, almost wearing out the carpet underneath. In her hands was the blue knit scarf Akko had given as a Christmas gift, cotton awkwardly weaved in some places however the imperfections oddly endearing. The note that came along was a quick scribble of “Please come to Christmas dinner? <3” that gripped Diana’s chest in a way unexplainable. She spent another half hour after dressing up in her coat, then taking it off, then repeating the same action anxiously.
In the end she did go – how could she have said no?
She clears her throat, snapping out of her reverie, “That was the least I could do after your gift.” Diana looks sheepish as she adds quietly, “Which was very lovely by the way.”
Akko’s smile only seems to widen but Diana doesn’t miss the hint of cheekiness, and of course she isn’t mistaken: “Well what could I get you this time, to come to the party tonight?”
“Perhaps I will consider it,” Diana doesn’t miss the way Akko’s eyes widen hopefully. “Why don’t you come ask me again tomorrow, Miss Kagari?” She deadpans.
Akko blinks, once, twice, then finally registering the amused smile on Diana’s lips. Akko’s smile reverts to a pout, nose crinkled with annoyance. “That was not funny.”
Just when Diana thinks the brunette has given up, Akko’s waving her arm in comical fashion, her pout increasing with every gesture, “But what about the countdown! The party, the fireworks – Diana you can’t just celebrate New Years Eve without any of that!”
Diana’s collected response formed at the tip of her tongue goes lost instantly when Akko further prods, “Not even a New Years kiss?”
Her mouth opens but her brain has betrayed her and short circuited as her eyes dart everywhere – anywhere – but at the girl opposite her. Diana has harboured small, fluttering (albeit inconvenient) feelings for the brunette for a while now, however she’s quelled such irrelevant, nonsensical emotions away as quickly as she identified it. But there has been moments when Akko caught her off-guard, conjuring the familiar warm tickle in her chest. And she can feel it again, as she avoids Akko’s smile directed at her, smug for the wrong reason, and cringes at the heat prickling her cheeks.
“Aha! So you have thought about getting a – “
“I have not thought of performing such… action, thank you,” She replies haughtily, huffing. She draws a deep breath, regaining her composure, “It is quite absurd to believe a supposedly romantic interaction between two people will affect the entirety of their coming year, Akko.”
Akko doesn’t seem fazed by Diana’s deflection and sticks her tongue out, “Well, you’re just missing out.”
“Does that imply that you are trying to find one tonight?” Diana coolly shoots back, and she can’t help but smile, amused, as Akko splutters at her question. A blush prettily blooms in the brunette’s cheeks, and rather than focusing on her messily stringed words of denial, Diana can’t help but take this moment to admire how lovely Akko looks even when flustered –
She break away from her daze and clears her throat, saving Akko and herself from further embarrassment. “I think it is adequate time to go back to your dorm now to get ready, Akko, you must get ready for the party.”
“But Diana!” Akko’s eyebrows knit together as she spreads her hands, “You can’t just be holed up here, you’ve gotta go out and have fun too!”
“Enjoyment on how to spend this day comes in different forms, and mine happens to be reading a pleasant book, Akko.”
“Dianaaa,” comes the whine opposite of her, “Come on, It’s New Years Eve!”
“I am very aware of the date, Akko, you’ve mentioned it many times by now.”
Akko huffs, “What if I stayed here with you for New Years, then?”
Diana’s grip on the doorknob tightens, obscure from Akko’s line of sight. A part of her longs for company and prickles at her chest uncomfortably at Akko’s suggestion. However the familiar coldness washes over almost immediately and seals the unnerving jerks inside. The flickering flame of forlorn hope is extinguished as she takes in a quivering breath.
She is a Cavendish, she does not require company on a night for her selfish reasons, especially a girl who’s company is wanted in other places. Tonight is just another night, she mustn’t feel any more different.
“No.” She’s startled at the cutting tone of her own voice, and the hurt that flashes across Akko’s hopeful eyes only make her bite her cheek harshly, tasting blood.
She tries to ignore the piercing guilt in her gut and takes a deep breath, continuing with a more controlled voice. “Amanda would not be pleased at such a decision,” Diana’s words are careful, measured, not to expose even the trace of vulnerability. Akko looks timid, unsure of how to respond.
“Akko, I really am fine here.” Is she? It had been a habit to distance herself – a tradition. It had been never different. But with this childish, reckless witch in front of her, why does she hope it will go any different this time? “Please, go and have fun.” Diana is borderline pleading, scared if the conversation continues, something might crack inside her. “Don’t worry about me.”
Akko squints, unable to interpret Diana’s unreadable expression. Then after a long moment, she sighs, her body sagging in defeat, “Fine, I guess.” The pout is more prominent than ever as she looks up to Diana, who steels herself to meet her puppy-eyes without reaction, “But you’re more than welcome to join us anytime, alright? And if you ever need me, you know where the party is, right?”
Diana clenches her teeth and nods wordlessly, her chest squeezing at the sight of the dejected brunette. She feels responsible for such a look, and self-contempt joins the gripping pang of guilt to claw at her insides.
The brunette, seeming to notice the change of air, perks up and offers her a final smile, “You go have your fun then, okay? Promise me you’ll still have fun without me!”
Sometimes Diana doesn’t understand how one person can hold so much positivity to completely extinguish the atmosphere once thick with tension. Perhaps that’s one of the many reasons why she’s so stupidly, foolishly, unexplainably, fallen for this witch.
“Yes, Akko,” Diana smiles softly, “You too.”
“I’ll see you next year then,” Akko giggles at her own joke, and before Diana can roll her eyes with exasperation (fondness), she’s engulfed by a sudden hug, arms around her waist and Akko’s face nuzzling against her neck. Her entire body tenses, uncertain, before she gradually brings her arms back up and squeezes Akko back. They stay like that for a second, Akko breathing in Diana’s perfume, Diana shivering against the warmth of Akko’s breath on her neck.
They pull back, and there’s the megawatt smile that dazzles Akko’s features, illuminating the dark hall and making her stomach somersault. Such radiance, all directed at her. Diana doesn’t know what she’s done to deserve Akko.
She’s alone in her room again, moments after Akko has finally left, when she hears another knock at the door. Diana stands up, wondering what Akko might’ve possibly left behind, but she’s surprised when she opens the door.
“Miss O’ Neill, to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?” She’s cautious in her greeting. Amanda has never got along with her before Akko became closer to Diana, and they still are on nothing more than neutral acquaintance status.
Amanda on the other hand doesn’t seem to care about greetings (or manners) when she blurts out, “Can’t you just come?”
Diana flinches at the outburst, before frowning, “What do you mean – “
“C’mon princess, I know that you don’t celebrate things and whatnot, but can’t you at least, I don’t know, try?” Amanda has the audacity to look exasperated. She goes on as Diana tries to contain her bafflement at this girl’s attitude, “She literally left half an hour ago, declaring that she was going to get you to come. And guess what, you of course had to say no, and she’s being all sulky!”
Diana doesn’t respond, her throat constricting, suddenly overwhelmed with the guilt she’s just managed to push away. Amanda wrongly takes it as a cue to continue, “I know that this time of the year is…” She seems to finally take a moment to think – Diana’s surprised she even does, considering the rashness of her current behaviour – and sighs, “I know everyone but Akko knows this time of year isn’t your favourite, but can’t you at least try to come for Akko? – "
Diana’s had enough. “It is none of your concern,” her words come out biting, harsh, “What I decide to do, even if it does not entertain you or your friend as you so please.”
“That’s not what I – “
“If it distresses you so much that Akko is upset because I am not as elevated about such trivial days,” Diana hisses out, her glare sharp, “Perhaps she can come complain to me in person – “
“She literally has, Diana!” Amanda growls, her voice rising, “she’s been trying to get you to be happy the entirety of winter break, but you keep shutting her down! And the poor girl doesn’t even have a clue why – she’s starting to think you just don’t like her.”
Amanda’s words hit her like a ton of bricks, knocking the wind out of her lungs. Diana stands there, stunned, as Amanda stares at her desperately for a response. “I-I…” Diana takes a shaking breath, “Unfortunately, it is not in my power to control what Akko thinks of me.
Amanda groans, shaking her head, “Y’know, you’re insufferable.”
Diana can think of so many more words that can describe her at that moment. But she merely nods, her eyes downcast. What more is there to say? It’s the last day of the year, god forbid, and Diana seems not to have gotten anything out of the months of challenges she’s faced against her upholding Cavendish reputation this year, because everything seems to collapse tonight. Her composure, her emotions – her heart. Tendrils of desolation digs deeper with each breath she draws.
“Hope you give Akko the company she deserves then, Amanda.”
“Hey wait – “
And she closes it, the lock clicking into place with finality.
Diana curls up with her book on the couch, her eyes glazed over, barely able to interpret the print in front of her. Her mind runs a thousand thoughts at once, and every time Diana manages to shove them in the corners of her minds, it comes back hauntingly bigger, booming cacophony in her skull in demand for attention. The dull pulse becomes piercing as words ring in her ears and tears choke her airway but never spill from her eyes. She wonders if she should’ve attended the party, should’ve gotten intoxicated to the point of uselessness – then at least she would have a fair excuse to be as pathetic as she is now.
She thinks of her mother, when she would take her hand to go watch the New Years fireworks despite her father’s reluctance to let Diana stay up so late at a young age. She recalls the way her heart soared when she cheered with her family in the midst of people, watching the brilliant colours burst and streak the black canvas above. She wonders if she’s ever felt such thrill ever since-
The memory of her and Akko on the edge of space, hand in hand, performing the Shiny Rod’s final blow comes to her. Diana had never felt more alive than in that moment, where she felt Akko’s warmth right next to her, bodies moving in unison, voice ringing across the world with the strength of millions from underneath. Her heart tingles just at the memory alone, but instantly plummets as she comes crashing back to reality of her loneliness.
She wonders if Akko is enjoying herself right now, probably on the hunt for someone to share her magic of New Years Eve she thrives for, something Diana can’t possibly imagine. If only there is a spell for Diana to be happy – normal– at a time where everyone else easily seem to be, she would kill just for such magic.
Diana jumps at the sound of knocks across the room, something that seems to happen often tonight. She glances at the clock to see it half an hour til midnight, and stares back at the door. Perhaps another one of the juniors asking her to teach simple light magic? There had already been a few, timidly visiting her throughout the night in hopes of creating their own firework show for midnight. Diana had patiently taught each and one of them the most basic spark conjuring spell, something she had secretly learnt from watching Shiny Chariot years ago. They all had left with excited thank you’s and scampered off to impress their friends.
She’s glad she’s been able to at least please some people tonight, even if she couldn’t for the one person that mattered to her the most.
Fatigue has slowly enwrapped Diana in the coming hours, so she decides to sit still where she is, counting seconds inside her head quietly in hopes for the visitor to leave. But then comes more knocks, each time more aggressive. Too bold of an action to be a junior, too impolite to be a teacher or faery, Diana raises an eyebrow in confusion. She’s in the process of placing her book away, when the painfully familiar voice echoes behind the door.
“Diaanaaa,” it drawls, knocking some more, “Diana open up – “
The said witch is already hurriedly pulling open the door, greeted by the person she least expects at this hour. “Akko?”
“Hey, you’re not asleep!” Akko grins too wide, her half lidded eyes barely focused, and her words drag carelessly at the ends – it doesn’t take Diana long to put two and two together.
“Akko, are you drunk?” Her eyes widen incredulously as Akko blinks at her question, then proceeds to shake her head, puffing her cheeks out. “Akko, you’re drunk.” It’s simply a statement now.
“Am not – “ Akko tries to lean against the door frame but slips unceremoniously with a yelp. Diana, already expecting her clumsiness, swiftly catches her by the elbow, other hand snaked around the brunette’s waist to steady her. “Okay, maybe just a bit,” Akko giggles ring loud against her ear, sending jolts of shivers down Diana’s spine.
Diana huff, her cheeks growing warm at their proximity as Akko straightens and faces her. “What are you doing here, Akko?” Her voice is so gentle and unsure she’s surprised Akko catches it. “It’s almost midnight, shouldn’t you go be celebrating with your friends?”
“But you’re also my friend, Diana,” Akko blows raspberries, then giggles, completely carefree. Diana sighs and doesn’t have the time to react when the brunette reaches out and pokes her nose, grinning goofily.
“Akko,” Diana shirks away from Akko’s finger. Concern wins over her amusement or uncertainty, “Would you like me to help you back to your dorm? Are you feeling alright?”
“Nonono, I’m okay!” Akko seems alarmed at the suggestion, shaking her head with vigor, “I came here for you!"
“S-Sorry?” Then there’s the familiar pair of arms encircling around her waist, and Diana stands there, nonplussed and flushing not only at the sudden confession but her friend’s hug. She is still getting used to casual physical contact initiated by this too easily excited brunette, however she doesn’t find it unpleasant, especially as Akko snuggles into the crook of her neck.
“Are you sure you’re okay, Akko?” Diana asks tentatively, whispering into the brunette’s hair. Her arms loosely hang around Akko, still doubtful how to react to her friend’s intoxicated state.
Akko hums and Diana can feel it vibrate through her body like electricity.
There’s a beat of silence, before Akko mumbles something against her shirt that she can’t quite decipher. She barely catches the muffled ends of “… Amanda told me … always have to be strong.”
“Come again?”
The brunette raises her face, and Diana’s completely taken aback at the tears glistening in Akko’s round eyes, eyebrows pinched to her hairline. The similarity of this moment to the one they shared when Diana told Akko about her mother and the Cavendish responsibilities she has to bear at the Forgotten Library is uncanny. The heaviness of sorrow emitted from one look, even the blubbering from the other witch:
“I-I heard about it,” Akko’s sniffling disrupts every second word, but Diana manages to understand her, “About, w-why you, why you’re upset in this time of the year.” Akko raises her arm to wipe away a few escaped tears. Diana’s muscles seize as she registers her words and she can do nothing but stare at the brunette, panic and fear climbing her oesophagus.
“Diana I – “ Akko sniffs loudly, “I’m so sorry I never knew, a-and I just kept annoying you so much the entire holidays when you probably didn’t even want to come out and – "
“Oh Akko,” Diana lets out a breath, releasing the weight she didn’t realize was pressing tightly against her shoulders as she listened to Akko. She holds the sniffling brunette against her chest tightly and her apologies compressed deep in her ribs all come bursting out as clumsy, pitiful rambles, “Akko, I should’ve just told you, it was no excuse for my rude behaviour before. I’m so sorry I don’t know what it is, I j-just I can’t seem to match your mood as badly as I want to try, I – “
“Diana.”
“It’s just that everything reminds me of her and I-I can’t seem to function when – “
“Diana.” The witch stops short, her averted gaze carefully meeting Akko’s. Diana doesn’t know what to do with all the warmth in the small smile directed towards her. Her chest is heaving as she looks at Akko with eyes that shine blue with unsaid grief and apologies.
“It’s okay to hurt, Diana.”
Akko’s words send a spasm of emotions hurtling through her chest so painfully Diana feels as if she’s going to pass out. She’s the one closer to tears now, her eyes stinging as sobs threaten to spill from her tightly pressed lips. She doesn’t realize she’s shaking until Akko steadies her with a small squeeze on her arms.
“You don’t always have to be strong,” Akko’s voice is still rough and there’s a thickness to her syllables from previous crying but there’s unmistakable certainty and confidence in her words like she’s spelling out a promise between the two of them. “You just have to be you, Diana, and I still love you all the same.”
Diana’s held breath comes out shaking, cracked. And she finally falls to pieces. Crumbles. Years of suppressed emotions rack her torso with terrible intensity, and Diana feels her body convulse from her sobs to near breaking point, but there is Akko, holding her together, coaxing her with soft assurances that mend the fissures in her chest. The sharp frigidity in Diana’s chest is replaced with something so alien – raw, and exposed, but all together intimately uplifting. The hollowness is filled with a feeling so wonderfully rich she forgets how to breathe for a moment, overcome by the foreign warmth.
They stay in each other’s arms for a while, Diana letting her muffled sobs subdue to hiccuped breathing. Then there rings the faint popping of fireworks in the distance, and Diana has to blink through tears to see the clock hands joint at the number 12.
“I…” Diana pulls away, looking away sheepishly, “I’m sorry you had to miss your New Years party because of me, Akko.” She swallows down another wash of guilt, “I know tonight at least means more to you than me, you should’ve celebrated properly. Done and seen the things you wished.”
“Hey, I don’t know what you mean,” Akko brings a finger to tilt Diana’s chin upwards. Diana watches the brunette’s eyes sparkle as she grins the all too familiar grin that blooms warmth and unspoken promises in her clenching heart. “Who needs fireworks and all that when I’m spending the New Years with my favourite person?”
Diana watches as Akko’s cheeks deepen with scarlet when she realizes what she has said, and starts rambling, “I mean, I really wanted to spend it with you anyway, I-I know you really don’t usually celebrate these things but I’m so glad I’m with you right now! We don’t have to do anything now, we can just, ah, you can read and I’ll try and finish the divination book you introduced me and – “
Diana doesn’t think twice before leaning in to capture Akko’s lips with her own.
New Year magic didn’t come from the reputable date itself for Diana, it came from a certain brunette by the name Atsuko Kagari.