Chapter Text
Jeongguk liked girls.
He was born and raised a good Busan boy, and that meant he liked girls. It wasn’t hard, girls were really pretty. When he was little that meant that they had burettes in their hair and big smiles, and when he got older that meant they had mile long legs and the best style on the block - but no matter how old he was, he always thought girls were pretty.
When Jeongguk was in his last year of high school, a boy confessed to him. Jeongguk had experienced girls confessing to him before, and sometimes he had even ended up in a relationship with them, but he had never had a boy confess to him. To be truthful, he didn’t quite know what to do.
Sure, he knew that some boys like boys and some girls like girls, but it never seemed to impact his life directly until then. He wasn’t what he would describe as homophobic, but he had never met a ‘real life gay person’ before.
“Sorry, I don’t feel the same about you. I hope we can still be friends?” Jeongguk had replied. Which was true. He didn’t like the boy the same way the boy liked him, and an otherwise mind boggling situation full of personality, sexuality, and identity crisis questions was avoided.
Jeongguk didn’t like the boy the same way the boy liked him. To Jeongguk, it was that simple, no further pondering needed.
That encounter with his first real life gay person wasn’t his last. When he decided that eh was going to go to Seoul for university, his parents had sat him down, and gave him a talk about the responsibility that moving to a brig city would bring. They warned him that there people that didn’t share the same morals as them, that there were people who would alarm or even possibly scare him, and it was his job to just try to be the best person he could.
He realised what they meant when he arrived at university. There were plenty people different than him, and the only friend he had in the whole city was Jimin, a boy who lived near him when they were kids and had moved away from Busan and to Daegu when Jimin was twelve and Jeongguk was ten.
Jimin was a different person altogether than Jeongguk remembered. The Jimin that had left Jeongguk behind in Busan was tiny and pure, and while this Jimin was still short, he showed up to the train station to pick Jeongguk up looking like he was late to a dick appointment.
“Jeonggukkie!” Jimin exclaimed, launching himself at Jeongguk and pulling him into a tight hug. “I can’t believe you’re already so grown up! I feel like it’s been years since I’ve seen you.”
“Jimin,” Jeongguk replied shakily, not used to people he hasn’t talked to in very extended periods of time just bear hugging him out of nowhere. “It has been years?”
“It has been years hyung. You always called me hyung when we were younger, you have to now too,” Jimin insisted, frowning but still holding Jeongguk by an arm around the younger boy’s waist. The younger boy teasingly tilted his head to the side, and hummed.
“I don’t know, Jimin, when we were younger you were taller than me. Now - well, how can I call someone the height of a twelve year old my hyung?” A shocked look spread across Jimin’s face at that comment, but then he just shook his head and laughed.
“Aish, still a brat I see. Whatever, let’s get out of this hellhole of a train station and get you to your dorms. I was trying to see by talking to the dean if you could just skip dorm life and come live with me, but he wouldn’t lift that stupid rule, can you believe it? And it’s such a shame, too, because I’m sure you would have so much fun living with me! Not to mention, my roommate, Taehyung. He’s my best friend, and a little bit my soulmate, and I think that you guys are going to get along really well together. He’s a good guy, really! Did you know that one time he…”
And as Jimin kept going on, talking about his roomate or the university or the dorm life Jeongguk had waiting for him, Jeongguk felt more at ease in the big, slightly lonely city. Sure, Jeongguk had enough awkwardness in him for three whole people and then some, but Jimin filled the gaps just fine.
Yugyeom was the name of Jeongguk’s roommate in the dorms. He was fun, and had a lot of other friends in Seoul already, who he introduced Jeongguk to. They were all in the same year at university, and were all born in 1997, so from all their growing interactions throughout Jeongguk’s first year at university the 97’ liner group was formed. It was nice to have people his age to talk to, and Jeongguk liked to think that even if he hadn’t had Jimin, he would have been okay.
But he did, and having Jimin in his life also meant having Taehyung.
Sure, Jimin already had a group of friends that he brought Jeongguk into, so it wasn’t just Taehyung that became a massive influence in his life, but Taehyung was the first and maybe the most massive. Like a gravitational pull introduced to his life strong enough to pull him away from his previous orbit, Taehyung changed Jeongguk.
The thing was, it took forever to happen.
For whatever reason, it took Jimin actual weeks to get Jeongguk and Taehyung in a room together, not for lack of trying. Whether Taehyung had this study group or that previously scheduled hangout with a friend, or maybe Jeongguk had dance practice, they were always busy and always, always, just barely missing each other. It was long awaited -
“Are you kidding me?” Jimin asked as Jeongguk slid into the chair next to him at the university library. “Literally if you had gotten here two minutes earlier you would have finally met Taehyung. Are you trying to avoid him?” Jeongguk just laughed.
“At this point if it weren’t for Jin hyung saying otherwise, I’d think Taehyung is just your imaginary best friend,” Jeongguk flippantly replied, wondering at how red he could make Jimin’s face get. It was a little game he had started playing with himself (and sometimes Hoseok too, though Hoseok tended to have different *ahem* strategies), and the most effective plot tended to be refusing to call him hyung.
“Do all the pictures of him that I’ve shown you mean nothing?” Jimin asked him, flaring his nostrils and flipping a tad more violently through his textbook than normal.
“Hm. Pretty much.”
“Brat!”
- But long awaited or not, they took their time. It wasn’t until Jeongguk’s birthday that he met Taehyung, and it was a surprise. The whole party, actually, was a surprise.
He had been coaxed into it by a far more gentle than usual Seokjin, who claimed he just wanted to have a catch up with Jeongguk over a coffee (even though they weren’t exactly needed to ‘catch up’). Jeongguk was game, because he was a poor university student and Seokjin offered to pay, and that was really all that mattered to him. As they walked around the city, both holding steaming to go cups in their hands and chatting like it was the easiest thing in the world, Jeongguk found himself being thankful for how low key his birthday was that year. He really didn’t need a huge celebration, he was fine with a chill afternoon with his hyung.
That was what he thought, anyways. But then, walking back to Seokjn’s apartment with him, he realised a split second before his hyung opened the door that the sly smile on his face, the tension he could almost taste on his tongue, the fact that not a single one of his friends other than Seokjin had texted him or mentioned that it was his birthday - it meant -
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”
-of course. A surprise birthday party.
Somewhat against his will, he felt a smile spread across his face as he stepped into the apartment, looking around and seeing all hsi 97’ liner friends, his friend group, and a few people he knew through his hyungs or that he hung out with sometimes through dance or likewise. He shook his head a little and chuckled.
“You guys didn’t have to do this, but thank you,” he told the crowd, feeling his smile only growing on his face. There were a few coos over how cute he was, and he ducked his head a little, only spurring them on more. From that moment onwards he was hustled into a flurry of movement - from Hoseok giving him a scary knife to cut the cake with and watching his friends get shitfaced in his name, to Jimin giving him a shy smile and a small present (a mug with a picture of him drooling in his sleep). It wasn’t until a few hours into the party that Jeongguk could really relax fully, and that was when he felt a telltale tap on his shoulder.
“You know, you’re cuter in person,” a voice told him, and Jeongguk turned around to stand face to face with none other than Kim Taehyung.
“You’re Kim Taehyung,” Jeongguk breathed, eyes going a little wide in surprise.
“In the flesh,” the older boy chuckled, and Jeongguk would really respond sooner in any other circumstance, but - but he needed a minute.
He didn’t quite understand how Taehyung could say he looked cuter in person, when Taehyung was a whole vision. The boy had perfect, powerful brows that framed intense eyes, one monolid and one double lidded, and a nose that flowed perfectly down into lips forming an almost box shaped smile. His jawline looked sharp enough to cut glass, and the hair held back by his black headband seemed so soft, Jeongguk almost wanted to touch it? Run his fingers through it? He wasn’t sure.
On top of that, Taehyung was dressed basically to the nines, because even though he wasn’t in a suit or anything, his simple black jeans, blue silky looking shirt, and headband were enough to make Jeongguk question his own value. Maybe? He was feeling some type of way, whether it was inadequate, threatened, or just alarmed, he couldn’t tell..
Needless to say, he knew that Taehyung was attractive from pictures, he didn’t know Taehyung was beautiful.
“Happy birthday,” the older boy said after a few seconds of Jeongguk awkwardly staring, and Jeongguk coughed into his hand upon realising it.
“Oh, uh, thank you… hyung? Is that okay? I mean, I know we just met, but Jimin talks about you so much I almost feel like I’ve known you for much longer.” Shit. Jeongguk was panicking and he didn’t even know why. Sure, he was shy, but he wasn’t usually this bad with new people. Luckily, it turned out Kim Taehyung was also a saint, who took Jeongguk’s awkwardness in stride.
“Of course that’s alright, I actually feel the same? For the last month before you arrived in Seoul he would not stop talking my ear off about how excited he was to see his little Jeonggukkie again. Though,” at this Taehyung flashed rows of pearly white teeth at Jeongguk, and the younger boy wasn’t quite sure how to force his heart back to working. “I think he might be a little upset that you’re calling me hyung and him Jimin.”
At that, Jeongguk laughed. The apartment was full of people, but in that moment it felt like the whole universe had narrowed down to him leaning up against Seokjin’s kitchen countertop, and Taehyung standing in front of him, teasing Jimin with him and laughing like Jeongguk had an ounce of wit inside of him.
“Eh, he can deal with it. I play wingman for him with Hoseok basically every time we’re alone just the three of us, so I think he owes me. Though, he still tries to pretend he doesn’t like him when I think we all see it.”
“Oh my god, right?”
-And like that, Jeongguk had met the infamous Kim Taehyung.
Once they were finally able to be pushed within the same five square feet of each other, it was like finding the right puzzle pieces and putting them together; they became inseparable. If Jeongguk was in the library studying, one could find Taehyung right next to him in a chair with a textbook pulled out and an annoyed furrow in his brows. If Taehyung was in a coffee shop doodling in his sketchbook and pondering the existence of platypuses, one would find Jeongguk right across from him, sipping on a chai tea latte and silently crying over his draining bank account.
Jeongguk had never experienced a fast friendship quite like his with Taehyung before. Yes, he had been friends with Jimin as children, and it wasn’t like he remembered struggling to play blocks with him, but they’d been pushed together by their parents almost as soon as Jeongguk was born, so he didn’t have much of a choice in the matter. Hed struggled making solid friendships since he was young and had to make them on his own, but with Taehyung things were easy like never before.
Being friends with Taehyung wasn’t just easy, though, it was second nature. After only a week of knowing each other he could slide up next to him on a couch during a movie marathon like it was nothing, even though it took him weeks to stop tensing up in one of Hoseok’s hugs. The older boy could poke, prod, and squeeze his cheeks or his stomach or whatever in whichever way he pleased and Jeongguk didn’t especially care, but when Seokjin booped his nose he still got annoyed. It was the little thing, the things he didn’t necessarily notice.
When he gave Taehyung birthday and christmas presents that year that he felt would actually mean something to the elder, and Taehyung practically glowed… Jeongguk felt invincible.
It was when Jeongguk got a girlfriend, a little into January, that he started realising that things with Taehyung weren’t quite like in his other friendships. Taehyung stopped hugging him so much, and when Jeongguk would try to initiate skinship (maybe he liked the feeling of Taehyung’s arm around his waist when they watches movies together and it wasn’t the same without it, what about it?), Taehyung was lukewarm in response. At one point, the older boy would even start pushing Jeongguk away, saying “You’re in a relationship.”
And - true, but Jeongguk wanted to scream. What did that have to do with anything?
Well, a lot apparently.
The relationship in of itself was something Jeongguk hadn’t exactly anticipated to be that big of a deal. It was a girl, a very pretty girl named Jihyo in his philosophy class, and when she asked him out early January he couldn’t quite think of any reason to say no. Their first date was ice skating, which could have turned out incredibly bad had they both sucked at ice skating, but luckily for the two of them they both knew their way around the ice.
It took Jeongguk for a loop when, during the date, he couldn’t stop thinking about when Taehyung had jokingly told him that he couldn’t skate for shit, and would need a pretty good teacher to not make a fool of himself. Huh , Jeongguk thought, holding Jihyo’s warm hand. Taehyung would have a lot of fun here.
When it came time for Jihyo to meet his friends, they were all kind to her, accepting and didn’t make jokes at her expense, but none were better to her than Taehyung himself. It was February when they all met her at once, and it could have easily been nerve wracking to meet so many influential people in Jeongguk’s life all at once, but Taehyung started up a conversation with her like they were old friends.
Huh , Jeongguk thought, watching the tension seep out of Jihyo’s shoulders. I love him.
The first time Jeongguk thought he loved Taehyung, it was easy. Jeongguk loved Jimin, and he loved his brother, and he loved Taehyung. Taehyung was basically another brother, he figured, and it seemed to make sense to him in that moment, to associate Taehyung with the word love. He’d never had another friend like Taehyung before, and with how nice Taehyung was to his girlfriend, he felt a new fondness for the older boy grow in his heart.
And that was enough, for him.
It wasn’t for Jihyo, however. As much as she was a sweet girl, she didn’t really understand Jeongguk’s relationship with Taehyung. Whereas Jeongguk couldn’t grasp the reasoning behind Taehyung pushing him away at movie nights, Jihyo easily could. It was a night when his first instinct told him to snuggle up close to Taehyung, but Jihyo pulled him close, that something hit him.
The spot next to Taehyung on the couch looked so lonely, and even though the apartment was warm, the feeling of Jihyo pressed against his body felt… cold. Unfamiliar. I should be here, though, Jeongguk told himself, trying his best not to show his inner conflict on his face. I should want to be here. But he didn’t want to be there, and he wasn’t sure of why.
The day Jimin sat him down and asked him if he thought Taehyung was attractive was the same June day that Jihyo broke up with him.
The two instances were only hours apart, but it felt like fate was laughing at him. He just stares Jimin down when the older boy asked him that, not knowing what he was supposed to say. The moment ended in Jimin just sighing, and lightly punching Jeongguk in the arm, murmuring something along the lines of “what am I going to do with you?” under his breath. But - but Jeongguk still wasn’t sure what he was supposed to have responded with.
Yes? He thought Taehyung was attractive, easy. But what did Jimin mean when he asked that? Moreover, what did Jeongguk mean when he immediately was able to come up with his answer?
When Jihyo broke up with him, just a few hours later, it was with a soft smile on her lips and a hug. “Jeongguk, you’re a really good guy,” she told him. “But I think we both know your heart only has room for one person in it, and that person isn’t me.” Taehyung, Jeongguk thought. Oh.
“I’m sorry,” he told her.
“Don’t be,” she insisted. “I don’t think you even knew it until just recently. And - and it was fun, while we had it.”
She was right, he thought to himself. She was right. He did know it, he just - he just didn’t know that he knew it. Or, maybe he knew, it was just not a huge deal. It wasn’t like he stayed awake at night pondering his relationship with Taehyung till he found the answer waiting in his heart.
No one measures out every breath they take like it’s unique; it’s second nature.
And when he fell into Taehyung’s arms that afternoon, after telling the older boy that Jihyo broke up with him and being given that warm smile like before, comfort seeping into his bones - it clicked, softly and surely. Jeongguk liked girls. He’d always liked girls, it was easy and it was expected, and he never had a problem with it.
Jeongguk liked girls, but he loved Kim Taehyung.