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Remus wakes up to the sharp smell of potions and the tight, enveloped feeling of the bandages. It doesn't take any time for him to place just where he is. He has woken up this way, the sun in his eyes, the stinging smells piercing his sinuses, so many times before that he knows just what is going on. He may not remember the night before in detail. He may not remember what he destroyed in the shack. He may not remember when exactly Madame Pomfrey came to take him from to the hospital wing. But what he does remember, as always, is the feeling. Mostly of the transformation. He can vaguely remember the feeling of his claws raking his body, but the strongest is of the feeling of his body shifting and reshaping into something it most definitely is not. His bones breaking and bending and changing. His human self being stuffed and stretched into the mold of the wolf.
So, when he wakes up, he knows just what is going on. But he also knows right away that something is amiss. His eyes are not yet open, but he can hear voices that are familiar and clearly speaking English. He is still caught somewhere between being fully up and fully asleep, so he can't make out words. Just the sounds. He almost wants to ignore it and go back to sleep until he recognizes one of the voices. And it isn't Madame Pomfrey.
"I'm his best mate! I've lived in the same dormitory as him almost a whole year! Let me in! I have to see him!"
"Mr. Black!" That is definitely Madame Pomfrey. "That is no way to address me! You leave now! Mr. Lupin is in no condition for visitors!"
Remus cracks one golden eye open and winces in the bright sun that is falling in a patch on his face. He does not want Sirius to come in. He prays Madame Pomfrey has enough sense to keep him out. Unfortunately, from what Remus can hear from behind the curtain separating his bed from the rest, Sirius has picked just the right tactic to overcome the terribly kind Matron.
"Oh, but James and I are just so worried about him. I won't wake him, I swear. I just need to see my friend. Then I'll leave. I promise. Please? We miss him dreadfully..."
Remus can practically hear Madame Pomfrey's resolve shattering. She lets out a sympathetic sigh and Remus groans inwardly.
"Fine... You may go in. But five minutes! That's all." Remus can hear her shoes clicking away and the soft swishing of the curtain as Sirius slips inside.
Remus opens his other eye, and through the early morning haze that lingers in his vision, he can make out the figure of Sirius Black, who seems at a loss for words.
"Oh, God, Remus. You look awful," Sirius murmurs, not hiding the shocked expression on his face.
Remus attempts to smile but manages only a faint grimace. "I've been worse," he croaks. "And you are kind, as always. One always wants to hear about how dreadful they look."
"That's not what I meant. It's just... going home to visit your sick mother doesn't usually result in... this." He gestures in a sweeping motion at the whole of Remus's mangled body.
Remus's stomach drops. His voice conveys his understanding. Sirius knows he has been lying. He knows he hasn't been going home. Remus just hopes he doesn't know everything.
"Er... Yeah," he says lamely, unable to think of a good excuse for his current condition. Sirius's eyes are giant, and his eyebrows are crooked with worry. He chews on his bottom lip and stares at his shoes.
"You haven't been seeing your mother, have you?" he asks softly, still not meeting Remus's gaze.
Remus pauses. "No."
"You haven't been leaving the school, have you?"
"No."
There is a silence.
"You- you're a werewolf, aren't you?"
Remus feels his heart fall to the pit of his stomach. He knows. He knows and now he is going to tell everyone and Remus will lose the only friends he's ever had. Tears are welling up in Remus's eyes. He had just more than one year. Just more than one year of ecstasy and complete joy. And now, in one night, it's all gone away. Remus knew it couldn't last forever, but he still hadn't prepared himself for the waves of emotion and pain and disappointment and self hatred beating down on him. One tear escapes his eye and traces down the length of his cheek. In a soft croak, he replies.
"Yes."
Sirius stares at him. Remus can hardly stand him just standing there and looking at him. After a long time, he speaks.
"Oh, Remus.." He seats himself on the bed near Remus's torso. "God. Why didn't you tell us earlier?" He looks genuinely concerned, and Remus is shocked at the lack of disgust in his voice. He cannot make himself reply. "Remus?"
Remus's chin is trembling. He attempts to contain his tears; crying is no way for a twelve year old boy to react to anything. Suddenly, a terrible thought fills his mind with panic.
"Please, Sirius, please let me stay here. I can change dormitories. I really can! I just need to stay here. Please?" Remus is ashamed to hear such a whine in his voice, but he needs to get his OWLs and his NEWTs. Of course, that is unlikely. Sirius will probably tell everyone and he will be forced to leave and probably move away and never learn anything. The tears are coming fast now, and Remus stops trying to control them. There is no use.
"What?!" Sirius looks shocked. "Remus! What's wrong with you?! Of course you can stay! God, sometimes you can be really thick! But..." His voice falters. "But... are you okay?" Remus stares at Sirius. Confusion does not begin to cover the lack of comprehension he has at the moment. He cannot for the world understand why Sirius isn't running away. He says nothing.
"I mean," Sirius continues, "last night. You... it was the full moon. Are you okay? I mean, well, when I- when James and I were trying to figure out was wrong with you, we... well, we went to the library and looked at a bunch of books... and-"
Remus interrupts him with a horrified gasp. "You did WHAT?! Oh God! Sirius!" He moans in distress. "Oh... Sirius... What did you find?"
Sirius glances up at him, and for the first time ever, Remus can see tears glistening in his iron grey eyes. "Everything," he half whispers. "We- we found everything. Oh, Remus, how... how do you survive that?" The tears are falling now, leaving little water splatters on Remus's bed sheet. "You- your bones break and... and you hurt yourself and your skin tears and-"
Remus puts a hand over his mouth. He does not want to hear this. He knows what happens. He's read plenty about it. And it doesn't stop making him sick every time. Remus is no longer crying. The only thing he feels now is anger. Anger at Sirius for sticking his nose where it shouldn't be. Anger at Madame Pomfrey for letting him in. Anger at himself for being such a disgusting, horrible thing.
"I know," he says, not bothering to hide the hatred in his voice. "I. Know. Do you think I don't know what I am? Do you think I don't live with it every day? I know what I am."
Sirius's face is washed in distress. "No! I didn't mean it like that! It isn't a bad thing-"
"Of course it's a bad thing! Of course it's disgusting! Why don't you get that? Why don't you believe me? What about dark creature don't you understand?!"
Sirius is getting more and more desperate. "Remus! You aren't a dark creature! It isn't disgu-"
"I am! I know I am! What's wrong with you?! I am horrible! I could kill you as soon as look at you! I- am- a- monster!"
Suddenly, Sirius sits down on the bed and wraps his scrawny boy arms around Remus's wriggling body. Remus can no longer speak. He is sobbing without the tears; the kind of sobbing when you are simply unable to think any more. He writhes around, but Sirius is bigger than him, and he holds the smaller boy tight. Remus is engulfed by the black hair, and after a moment, he gives up, and sinks into Sirius, shaking violently as the sobs rack his frail body. Sirius's hand rests on the back of his head, twisted in the feathery brown hair. Remus's arms are folded up against Sirius's body, and his face is pressed into his shoulder. Madame Pomfrey's shoes come clicking back towards the bed. How she missed the previous screaming was a mystery, but when she peers through the curtain and sees the mess of boy limbs and tears and hair, she backs away without a word.
Sirius runs his hands through Remus's hair and speaks softly in his ear.
"Remus. Don't you dare say that. Don't you dare. I know you. I know who you are. You aren't a dark creature. You know that. You know that." Remus has stopped crying and breathes heavily against Sirius's shoulder.
Slowly, Sirius begins to lower himself down, pulling Remus with him, until he is lying beside him on the bed. Remus's face is still buried in his shoulder, and Sirius's arms are still wrapped protectively around the smaller boy. They lay there in silence, in the way that only two young boys can. It's in the same way that small children can hold each other's hands. In a few years, it will be unacceptable, but for now, with the sunlight spilling in, casting shadows across the stone floor, illuminating the dust bits floating about the air like early morning sunlight will, it will be okay.