Work Text:
"Sana"
"What?"
Nayeon sat in the car on her back to the dorms, the events of the last few hours running wild in her head. She had promised Sana that she would text her as soon as it was over with. That was fine and all, but the thing that bothered Nayeon the most was that she had no idea what "it" was. What exactly had happened? What would she tell Sana? Did she go full tilt and start with "I had sex with our senior in the bathrooms of a botanical garden" or did she say nothing and pretend it was just a casual outing?
"Casual outings don't end with two people fucking, do they?" She said to herself.
With a heavy sigh, Nayeon decided to say nothing and began typing her message to Sana.
"I said I'd text you when my meeting was over"
"And, who was it?"
That much she could tell Sana.
"Remember I said they're our senior?"
"Yeah?"
"It was Yubin"
The message sat on read for an excruciatingly long time; Nayeon started to panic, big time.
"Oh"
Panic mode engaged.
"What do you mean 'oh'?"
"Nothing. Did you have a good time?"
Sana's response freaked her out. Nayeon, thankful that text wouldn't give away that she was currently experiencing a mini meltdown, played it as cool as she could.
"Yeah, we chatted for a little and she bought me lunch"
"That was nice of her"
Nayeon seriously considered telling Sana what had happened but felt that relaying her first lesbian experience over the phone was just bit too tacky.
"We should talk when I get back, if you're not busy"
"You know where to find me"
By the time the taxi arrived back at the dorms, the clouds had won in their battle with the sun prompting them to erupt in a celebratory downpour. Nayeon paid the driver and made her way inside, stopping to check her phone in the stairwell, before entering their dorm rooms; she sighed, no messages. A voice from above her made her jump.
"Hey, where've you been?" Asked Jeongyeon, playing with a piece of pinned back hair.
"I had some stuff to do, sorry for bailing"
"Don't worry about it" said Jeongyeon with a wave of her hand "There's food if you're hungry"
"Yeah, I'm starving actually" she said, adding "Any idea where Sana is?"
"Yeah, she's in her room, why?"
"Oh, I wanted to ask her something. That's all"
The two shared a few more pleasantries before Jeongyeon left to rejoin the rest of the members in the living room; Nayeon followed shortly after, checking her phone one last time. Still nothing. She felt silly for expecting a message or a call so soon after their date, but at the same time, she had questions that she wanted answers to.
The other members, who were gathered around the coffee table, eating and chatting, greeted Nayeon with smiles and waves, which she returned before excusing herself and heading to the bathroom; Nayeon knew she should at least apologize for blowing them off but she felt like she really needed to talk to Sana about things and sort herself out.
In the bathroom, Nayeon took a much too long, much too hot, shower to refresh herself; she had made up her mind in the car to tell Sana what had really happened, if there was anyone she trusted with matters of the heart, it was Sana. After composing herself, Nayeon headed to Sana's room and knocked softly on the door.
"Gimme a second" she said from the other side of the door.
A moment later, the door opened slightly and an eye appeared in the crack.
"Password?"
"Really?" Asked Nayeon, with an exaggerated eye roll.
"Pass. Word" repeated Sana
"No Sana, No Life" answered Nayeon
The door swung open with a "yay" from Sana, who hugged Nayeon when she entered her room. Sana flopped down on her bed and patted a spot next to her
"Let's chat" she said
Nayeon climbed onto Sana's bed and laid next to her; the moment her head touched the pillow, Sana had her in a stupidly tight hug and kissed her forehead.
"Sana, no. Stop" giggled Nayeon "I thought you wanted to chat"
"Cuddles first"
"So, I wasn't completely honest with you about today" said Nayeon, figuring they could both cuddle and chat at the same time
"Not a good start but go on"
"We did more than have lunch"
Nayeon paused, reconsidering whether she should say anything at all; she was sick of going in circles in her damn head, she was so conflicted.
"We kissed. Well, actually, she kissed me"
"What?"
"We kissed?"
"You and another woman?"
"Yes?"
"Didn't know you had it in you, Yeonie"
They lay in silence, Sana stroking Nayeon's hair; Nayeon felt safe with Sana like this, like she could tell her that she murdered three people and buried them in the company garden and Sana wouldn't hold it against her.
"We had sex" whispered Nayeon, burying her face in Sana's chest
"Okay, I really didn't see that coming"
"I don't know how it happened. One second we're kissing and then we're in a goddamn bathroom, fucking. I just, I don't know how to feel."
"Did you enjoy it?"
"I mean, yeah. It was amazing but-"
"But what?"
"I didn't plan on having sex with her"
"If you had fun, what's the issue?"
Maybe Sana was right, what harm was there in a one day stand? Maybe Nayeon was just low key freaking out because it was her first same sex experience, maybe she was being ridiculous about the whole thing and should put it behind her as a life lesson.
"Would you be upset if you had sex with her again?"
"No"
That was the honest answer and the one thing Nayeon was sure of, if given the chance she would most definitely sleep with Yubin again, although she hoped it would be somewhere a little more classy than a bathroom.
"You've got her number, right? Give yourself some time to think things over and call her. Maybe she's as messed up about it as you are" suggested Sana
"You don't think I'm overreacting, do you?"
"Maybe just a little"
"Thank you"
"For?"
"Being there for me, not just now, but always" said Nayeon, kissing Sana on the cheek.
"I swear to God, if you make me cry, I'll have to smother you in your sleep"
When Nayeon tried to pull free of Sana's vice like embrace, Sana held her even tighter.
"You're sleeping here tonight. You don't have a choice" whispered Sana, nodding off as she spoke
"Goodnight Sana"
"Mmhm"
Wrapped in Sana's arms, Nayeon drifted off to sleep, replaying the day again and again; she decided to call Yubin whenever she had free time again.
That free time, as it turned out, was three weeks later. They were promised a break just before the shooting for their new MV began, and so, done with work for the next few days, Nayeon plucked up the courage to call Yubin; even so, her hands shook as she dialled her number. Sana wanted to be there when the call was made, and she watched Nayeon patiently from her bed. Nayeon paced up and down the room, the phone call going unanswered. Eventually, someone picked up on the other end.
"Nayeon?"
The sound of her name being said by Yubin made Nayeon feel all tingly, like she was standing on a live wire. Now that Yubin has answered, what was she going to say?
"Hi, Yubin. I-" stuttered Nayeon, looking at Sana with panicked eyes, she was completely lost for words.
Sana gave her a look that said "Don't you dare chicken out now"
"Is something wrong, Nayeon?
She couldn't focus, Yubin's voice was driving her insane. Nayeon started to freak out again and blurted out:
"Do you want to go on another date sometime if you're free or whatever?"
Silence.
"Oh no, oh no, oh no, what have I done? I fucked up" thought Nayeon, screaming at herself internally
"I'm working right now, but, come by the studio later. Okay?" Yubin said, her tone was different, something was bothering her.
"Okay, sounds good" answered Nayeon "it's in the main building, right?"
"Yeah"
"I'll be there"
"See you then"
The line went dead, Nayeon turned to Sana, who's face was red from trying not to laugh.
"What?" Asked Nayeon "Why are you laughing?"
"I've never seen you like this, Yeonie. All flustered. It's cute"
"I'm not flustered. It's just hot in here, that's all"
"So, I'm guessing she agreed to another date?"
"I don't know, she wants to meet at the studio"
"Sounds like a date to me"
Nayeon laid down on Sana's bed, clutching her stomach; the butterflies were back but they felt the size of Eagles right now.
"Are you nervous?" Asked Sana
"Unbelievably"
"Nervous is good, brings out that natural cuteness you have buried deep down, under all those layers of cold hearted bitch"
At that moment, Nayeon wished she really was a cold hearted person, at least then she wouldn't be bothered by the thought of feeling things for another person. Did she feel anything for Yubin, could she feel anything after one date?
"You barely know her" she thought "Yeah, but that didn't stop you from confessing your undying love the first time you were together, did it?"
Early morning became late afternoon with nothing interesting or untoward happening. The group received their schedules for the coming promotion period, they were going to be extremely busy for the remainder of the month; Nayeon's head already ached just reading the schedule, she was certain the boss was trying to kill them with work. At least she had her afternoon meet up to look forward to.
Nayeon sat on her bed, doing her make up, she wanted to look good but not like she was trying too hard to impress Yubin; the opposite was true, she wanted to appear as chill and put together as possible. Desperate, she was not, or at least hoped she wasn't. She finished dressing then took out her phone and texted Yubin.
"Are you free?"
"Yeah. See you soon?"
"Yep"
Heart beating a million miles a minute, Nayeon slipped out the front door and into the waiting taxi; somehow it was the same taxi driver from before, he gave Nayeon an awkward smile and set off to the JYPE building. It didn't take too long for Nayeon to find the studio that Yubin was working in; she watched her work, through the small window.
"She seems really at home behind the mixing console" thought Nayeon, adding another item to the growing 'things I like about Yubin' list. "God, she's beautiful"
Nayeon opened the door and was greeted by the sound of Yubin singing along to a song; she didn't seem to notice Nayeon entering the room. Nayeon quietly closed the door and, against her better judgement, against every fibre in her body screaming at her to stop, snuck up behind Yubin and kissed her on the cheek; Yubin's reaction was not what Nayeon expected.
"What are you doing?" Demanded Yubin, removing her headphones and placing them roughly on the desk.
"I was just saying hello"
"Okay" said Yubin, returning to her usual cool tone "Hi"
"Did I do something wrong?" Asked Nayeon, hurt by Yubin's harsh reaction
Yubin was silent for a moment, returning to her seat by the console, where, after another lengthy silence, she turned to face Nayeon. Her posture and body language suggested something terrible was about to go down.
"We really need to talk" she finally said
"I'm sorry for disturbing you, I thought it would be alright" explained Nayeon, taking a seat in the chair next to Yubin's
"Don't be sorry, there's nothing for you to apologize for"
"I don't understand"
"I should apologize to you, for acting on impulse and taking advantage of you"
"You didn't take advantage of me, I don't know what you mean"
"I saw you freaking out and, the things you were saying, I don't know, I liked it"
"I liked it too"
"I still-"
"I wanted to have sex with you, don't you dare cheapen that by apologizing" interrupted Nayeon, angry that Yubin would regret something so, in Nayeon's eyes, amazing "I haven't spent the last three weeks being torn up inside by missing you-"
"Nayeon-" started Yubin before being shut down by Nayeon
"I know it sounds stupid and childish and like I'm some dumb teenager falling in love for the first time, but there isn't a moment that I don't think about our first date. And I don't mean the sex. Just being with you made me feel something, just walking around that damn garden together had me falling in love with you"
Nayeon wasn't sure of where this confidence came from, but was thankful that she was at least making solid, intelligible sentences.
"If I mistook your intentions that day, then I'm sorry for wasting your time with my schoolgirl crush" continued Nayeon "Fuck, I must sound like such a child to you"
Yubin, who had been staring at the floor since Nayeon had found her voice, looked Nayeon in the eyes, tears running down her cheeks
"I'd be lying if I said I didn't think of you all the time, but it was reckless of me. No, I don't think your being childish about this and no, I don't regret our time together that day. Not at all"
"Then help me understand what's wrong with this, please"
"There's nothing wrong with you. It's me. I don't want to love you, because I can't ask you to love me back"
"Even if I want to? You can't make me not fall in love with you"
"Nayeon, you haven't had a chance to live yet, you dont-"
"So I am a child then? Because you're treating me like one right now"
"That's not what I meant"
"I know what love is, I sing about it enough. I'm qualified to decide what is and isn't love and"
Nayeon took a breath. Here she stood, at the edge of infinity, in that breath, she could decide to leave or stay; she was sure in that breath, her stopped beating twice over.
"I think I'm in love with you"
Her confession hung heavy in the still air of the recording studio, it's soundproof walls isolating Nayeon and Yubin, alone in a world that was their own. Nayeon could see that Yubin was hurting, fighting with herself, blaming herself, tears flowing like a broken tap. For once, since their meeting, Nayeon was certain of one thing, she meant what she said, no amount of pushing away was going to stop her from trying. She refused to give up on a chance at real, knee weakening, toe curling, heart stopping love.
"Okay" Yubin said, drying her tears on the cuffs of her hoodie and standing, with a hand held out to Nayeon "Let's go"
Nayeon stared at the offered hand, confused.
"Go?"
"Yeah, I'm hungry. We should get something to eat"
Yubin grabbed Nayeon by the hand and lead her to the door, pausing to wrap her arms around Nayeon.
"I don't know everything or how this relationship will turn out, but, I love you too, Nayeon" she whispered, kissing her softly
Nayeon was positive that, when Yubin uttered those three words, despite the soundproof walls, every single person in that building could hear her heart thumping.
"Besides, you owe me a second date"