Work Text:
After another long day of his ring around the rosie workplace, Yifan the office intern was beyond exhausted. There was an implication in the term tired that suggested at one point he was rested, which couldn’t be further from the truth. Copy runs and coffee runs were punctuated by phone calls and emails; today had even been longer than the day prior.
At lunch, he’d prodded at his ramen without appetite, eventually eating it all as not to waste it. The broth only held flavor when he pulled up his phone to see a picture Kyungsoo sent him; a selfie with one of his puppy clients at the doggy daycare. It looked to be some sort of toy breed; a Boston Terrier? Yifan wasn’t an expert in dog breeds.
This is Muffin and I’d die for him.
The caption made him laugh as he imagined his tiny, fierce boyfriend cooing at the little pup. It wasn’t a silver lining (his day was well beyond cloudy at this point), but it did keep him going until his shift ended...two hours past when it should.
As if his day was incessant on becoming worse, Yifan reached the bus stop just in time to see the exhaust blow past him. He was pretty sure the next bus was a twenty minute wait, meaning he collapsed onto the bench, boneless and weary.
Another text from Kyungsoo greeted him, more to the point this time.
Spaghetti for dinner? Breakfast Pizza?
Yifan really wanted a steak; just a little pink inside and Kyungsoo playing footsie with him under the table, like when…
It wasn’t worth it to look back; it wouldn’t change their circumstances. Rolling his shoulder, he mulled it over before replying.
I had ramen for lunch. Breakfast pizza?
Kyungsoo’s reply was brief, as he usually was through text.
K
On the bus, Yifan dug out his old headphones, wriggling the input slightly so the sound wouldn’t static out in his left ear. One of Chanyeol and Kyungsoo’s cover tracks came on, of poor sound quality, but absolutely beautiful.
Once on their street, Yifan paused by the community garden, plucking one of the last blooms of the season up into his hand. It looked like a violet, although his knowledge of flowers was only marginally better than his knowledge of dogs.
The elevator was out again (and if Chanyeol made one more Big Bang Theory joke, Yifan was going to disown him), so Yifan trudged up the stairs like they were caked with wet mud. Mrs. Wallace’s kids were screaming down the hall, but he could smell the food from through his apartment door and that was enough to make him feel home.
Once inside, he started to tug off his jacket while trying to toe off his shoes. It felt a bit like trying to rub his tummy and pat his head at the same time. Kyungsoo peered out from their tiny kitchen just as he tangled himself up in his disrobing process.
“Do you need some help?” Kyungsoo’s tone and smile were playful; wry and teasing.
Yifan struggled a moment longer before relenting with a sigh. “Yes.”
Before helping him, Kyungsoo tugged him down for a kiss. “You look as messy as I feel.”
“Thanks.” Yifan leaned back in for a second kiss, once the first ended. “Is that physically? I know I sleep for shit…”
Kyungsoo pinched his side briefly as he assisted in removing the layers of his work day; the jacket and backpack, his tie. “I meant the fact you’d nearly knotted yourself in your clothes. Another bad one?”
Resting his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder, and fucking his posture more, Yifan let out a sigh. “There’s not good ones, I think I was lying to myself.”
“Shh. Hey, just go grab a shower, okay? I’ll finish up dinner.” Kyungsoo’s fingers carding through his hair made his legs give up on walking; they felt so good.
“Flower first.” Yifan, in all of his entryway chaos, hadn’t forgotten the little bloom. Their little weekday ritual couldn’t be stopped by even the weariness of his life. “I think it’s a violet.”
Raising his head, he watched as Kyungsoo brightened with the gift, tucking it away behind his ear. “It’s perfect. Thanks, love. Go wash away today and I’ll put on something on Netflix?”
Yifan leaned in for one more kiss. “Love you.”
“Love you too.” Kyungsoo pulled back, swatting at his butt briefly as he padded back into the kitchen.
He felt the urge to linger, to watch Kyungsoo busy about their closet of a kitchen and sing to himself, but the shower was more pressing.
It took a good deal of adjusting and their handy bathroom screwdriver to get the shower in a useable state. Jacob, their maintenance staff, was an old, old man who took about six years to repair a loose screw. They’d long since given up on him fixing anything before they finally (hopefully) moved out once Kyungsoo finished school and Yifan his internship.
Once the water was above freezing, he slipped in with a hiss. Soon enough the chill had seeped out, replaced with warmth. It sank into his bones, but not quite deep enough to completely work out the ick of the day.
Kyungsoo still had a year before he was a vet tech and God only knew how long Yifan would have to be an intern before an actual job offer fell onto his lap. This struggle to get their heads above the waterline, head tilted back and lips closed tight, was hardly an easy balance.
Shampooing his hair, nails along his scalp, Yifan let his thoughts drift. The shower did always make him oddly thoughtful.
Yifan dwelled on when he’d met Kyungsoo, even if it didn’t change their circumstances, even if he had no regrets about loving him.
The striking young man was friends with Chanyeol too. They’d orbited the same circle for years, but once they finally connected their junior year of high school, it was instant chemistry. They stayed up all night together when Chanyeol passed out at nine in the evening, sharing stories of how they first started reading Harry Potter or of how they’d never imagined life after high school and so now they were scrambling towards the future. Their first kiss was in the glow of the Chanyeol’s TV, just as Harry left Hogwarts for the first time.
Kyungsoo’s parents would never approve of single-parent raised, barely lower class Yifan, nor Kyungsoo’s sexuality, so they dated in secret as long as they could manage.
Time hadn’t changed Kyungsoo’s parents, and Yifan’s mother had enough love for them both, but Yifan would he lying if he didn’t miss Kyungsoo buying him new sunglasses or dinner just because he wanted to treat him. The comfort of Kyungsoo’s finances before was a safety net he never realized Kyungsoo was going to abandon for him. Some part of him expected the other man to leave him, end their run before going off to business school like his brother.
Then again, his boyfriend had always been far braver than he had ever been.
Looking into the mirror, he realized he could paint his portrait with more purples than creams; the dark circles under his eyes akin to swollen plums. He was thankful when the mirror fogged up once again.
After he was dressed, slippers on as he made his way down the hall, he could hear Brooklyn Nine-Nine on the tv and sighed softly. Kyungsoo’s meal smelled amazing and once he realized the smaller man had even brought a plate over to the couch for him, he collapsed beside him. “You’re my favorite.”
Kyungsoo had bitten off more than he could chew, literally, bringing a hand up to cover his mouth. “Chanyeol said he’s buying pizza this weekend, so I have a feeling I’ll be replaced.”
“Only briefly.” Yifan teased, starting in on his meal. “Thanks. The shower helped. Glad you didn’t need to die for that puppy, by the way.”
Taking a drink from his water bottle, Kyungsoo sighed. “Worst part of the job. Chanyeol and I have considered the old “sneak puppies out via a trenchcoat” trick, but seeing as we both need our jobs, it will have to wait. This gives me time to decide what dog we’ll get once we buy a house.”
Yifan hummed in acknowledgement, the food and low thrum of conversation in the show had him sleepy. Their conversation tapered off, Yifan taking their plates into the kitchen once they’d finished.
Their routine was simple, habit at this point, as they began to do the dishes together. Today Kyungsoo was washing while he dried. While most people assumed the shorter man wasn’t playful, Yifan couldn’t help but grin when he’d sneakily try to smear a streak of bubbles on his arm as he handed dishes over.
Falling into bed with a dull thud, Yifan scooted over once his boyfriend moved in beside him. It wasn’t really that late, at least for Yifan, but seeing as Kyungsoo had classes at eight and Yifan was exhausted from life, they went to bed far too early to save their strength.
Not that they fell asleep right away; Yifan would never sacrifice his pre-sleep cuddling, even if sleep was a tempting beast. His fingers traced circles up Kyungsoo’s back, beneath his sleep shirt while his boyfriend’s hand rested on his hip.
“So...gonna tell me what has you more weighed down today, or am I going to have to wriggle it out of you?” Kyungsoo leaned up to press a kiss to his chin. “We’re a team you know. Can’t help if you don’t tell me.”
For some reason, irritation began to settle in his bones; the impossible itch to scratch. Maybe it was how Kyungsoo, the man who’d lost so much, was pulling all of this positivity seemingly out of his ass while Yifan was floundering as he had his entire life
“Nothing...nothing’s changing, gonna change anytime soon.” All their talk of houses and futures; Yifan knew it was to cope with the rundown apartment or their too tight to breathe budget. “I guess I just am done trying.”
Kyungsoo’s thumb traced circles along his hip. “Okay.”
Frowning, Yifan turned his attention fully to his boyfriend, rather than half to the ceiling. “Okay? How can that be okay, Soo?”
“It’s okay, because I can take over for now.” Kyungsoo gave one of his winning, heart-stopping heart-shaped smiles.
Baffled, Yifan let his exasperation shine through, all the tension in his chest unwinding as he pushed the frustration into his voice. “And you just...you’re all smiles and positivity and sunshine when you damn near lost everything.”
“But I didn’t.” Kyungsoo’s expression wasn’t quite as bright, but still calm in the sea of Yifan’s aggravation. “I’m not saying that I feel like radiating with joy most days, hardly that, but I like how the rain makes the flowers bloom. I lost more than I care to think about...my family and my financial stability. If you don’t think I have my fair share of dwelling, you forget I’ve had a lifetime of practicing everything was fine to make it in that house.”
Yifan went quiet; embarrassed by the outburst and just how easily he’d forgotten all the hiding Kyungsoo had to do to survive.
As if sensing his feelings, Kyungsoo’s fingers moved along his jaw. “Hey. This isn’t a “my suffering outweighs yours” contest or some shit like that. This is...me trying to explain how I cope. Maybe it isn’t for you, but maybe this stewing in misery isn’t either.”
“I...I expect failure, prepare for it so it doesn’t catch me of guard.” He tilted into Kyungsoo’s touch, aware that his technique may not be helping him, not that he was sure how else to manage his feelings. “I guess it’s not really working.”
Kyungsoo leaned up again and this time Yifan leaned down to meet his lips. He could taste Kyungsoo’s toothpaste and for once, all the burden the other man was shouldering too. Misery loved company, but Yifan wished neither of them had any at all.
“I love you. I get to take care of dogs and go to class with Yeol.” Kyungsoo’s fingers traced over the lobe of his ear. “It is barely an apartment, but it’s ours. Maybe this is all we’ve got, but I have to hope there’s more in store for us. Maybe it’s foolhardy, but true. You’re grounding with your reality, so I think it’s my job to boost you up.”
Yifan rested his forehead against his boyfriend’s. “I love you too. Sorry I’m trying to work through this funk and drag you down with me.”
“Mmm. You drag me down to some nice places.” Kyungsoo entangled their legs beneath the covers. “Like seedy bars with fantastic drinks or your dick.”
That bubbled a laugh right out of him and he pulled his boyfriend close. “Someday I’ll have the ring to propose to you, to marry you.”
“And even if you never can, I’ll say yes.” Kyungsoo rest his head on his chest now, the warmth of his breath cutting through his sleep shirt.
—
He hadn’t remembered falling asleep, but soon enough he was waking to an empty bed. Their days off together were a rare treat anymore, so it was a familiar feeling, but not a pleasant one.
Hands brushing over Kyungsoo’s side of the bed, he felt something oddly smooth; plastic-like.
Puzzled, he picked it up to reveal a small flower pressed in what looked like plastic. Upon waking up slightly, which included a lot of groaning and hair mussing, he recognized it as the violet he gave Kyungsoo the night prior. A note was attached to the back.
Go check the bedroom window.
Curtained to keep the light out (as they were both pitch darkness sleepers), Yifan never missed the small window much. Their view was a fairly depressing brick wall, so close to their building it was almost stifling.
Slowly padding over, he pulled the curtain back. Whatever he expected, it wasn’t this.
The window was covered in pressed flowers just like the one in his hands. Every little trinket he’d given Kyungsoo bloomed eternal, almost as if it had grown through the brick, resilient. The bed of flowers was slowly spilling out too, onto the frame of the window and beyond. Soon it would escape the curtains.
Yifan smiled, leaning against the windowsill and took a deep breath. He could almost smell the light sweetness of the honeysuckle, hear the buzz of nearby bees. Hope certainly was a heady drug and Kyungsoo knew just how to make it.
In his leaning, he felt a poke through his t-shirt. Looking down, there was another piece of paper resting on the windowsill. Kyungsoo’s words were just as beautiful as the flowers he’d saved.
I’ll keep your garden safe.
Yifan was certain he’d protect his heart too.