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This was it. The last fight. The final challenge. Maybe… finally… he had proved himself strong.
Or maybe he had just shown himself to be as much of a fool as that blasted weretiger.
“Akutagawa!”
“Da… zai…?” Damn it. He didn't want Dazai to see him like this- weak, covered in his own blood.
Dying.
“Don't try to talk,” Dazai told him tersely.
He didn't sound pleased- even now. Hadn't he seen Akutagawa fight? Had he still not proved himself?
“Yosano!?! Where the hell is she?” Dazai snapped.
Akutagawa flinched away from his raised, sharp voice before he could stop himself, cursing his own weakness.
Dazai paused- when had he gotten so close to him?- and gently brushed Akutagawa's hair back from his face. “It's going to be alright. Yosano will get here.”
Akutagawa was confused. What did Yosano have to do with anything? How was Dazai so close? Was he cradling him? Why couldn't he feel it? All he could feel was cold.
“Di- did I do well?” Akutagawa heard himself stutter, internally raging at himself for the words. How desperate he sounded. He was weak. Pathetic. Even and always in front of the one he most wanted to see him as strong. Even in front of that man.
“Where the hell are you, Yosano?” Dazai snapped again instead of answering, sounding truly angry.
Akutagawa flinched again, even though the words hadn't been directed to him. “I'm sorry,” he blurted out despite himself. How utterly pathetic. He couldn't even control his own tongue.
Dazai paused again, looking down at Akutagawa with an unreadable expression. “You don't need to be sorry, Akutagawa,” Dazai finally said quietly. “You did well. I'm proud of you.”
Akutagawa stared at him, blinking repeatedly as his vision started to blur. Why was his vision blurring? Why did his cheeks feel damp? Why was he so damn cold ?
“Dazai,” he whispered, “why… is everything going dark?”
“You're tired,” Dazai said quietly, something odd about his voice. “It's alright. You did well. Rest now.”
Akutagawa smiled. “Thank you, Dazai,” he whispered faintly and closed his eyes.
***
Dazai waited until Akutagawa's breathing stopped before gently lying the boy's corpse down on the cold dark floor.
He didn't know how long he spent simply staring at it before Yosano and Tanizaki finally showed up, running around the corner.
“Dazai, what happened?” the doctor asked. “We heard shouting- Wha- ?!?”
Dazai grabbed her by the throat and slammed her into the tunnel wall. “I could kill you,” he growled. “I could kill you, and there would be no coming back from that.” He stared at her wide, frightened eyes and started to tighten his grip on her throat.
“Dazai!” Tanizaki yelled, overcoming his shock.
Dazai dropped Yosano with another short growl and stormed out of the underground tunnels, walking almost aimlessly until he could feel the sun on his face. Then he paused, tilting his head up to the sky.
“Moron,” he whispered to the sun. “ Fool. What the hell were you thinking, Akutagawa? How could you do that?” His vision grew blurry; he ignored it. “How stupid can you get? Why would you ever do that for me ? How dare you . How dare you die in my place. That was supposed to be my out. Not yours.”
Dazai couldn’t see- his vision was too blurred. His knees hurt. He’d fallen down to the pavement on them at some point.
“Everything I want, I lose,” he murmured to himself, staring at the sidewalk now instead of the sky, almost like a mantra.
And then for the first time since Oda had died in his arms- since he had failed him , just as he’d failed today-, Dazai wept.