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Sam rolled to his side and looked at his brother. It was the third time this week that Dean was moaning Sam's name in his sleep.
The first time it happened, Sam thought Dean might be dreaming of some girl named Sam, but it wasn't until Dean moaned his childhood name that Sam realized who he was dreaming of.
"Oh...Sammy..."
It caught him off guard. At first, Sam didn't know what to feel. This was his big brother. The one who ran out of a burning building with him in his arms. The brother who raised him. Taught him to hunt. Then it hit Sam so hard one day in the Impala, while watching Dean drive, that he almost lost his breath. He was in love with Dean.
Sam held tight to the erection that Dean's moans had given him. He looked closely at Dean's features. Dean's green, almond shaped eyes, which were closed, but he would always remember their look. His twice broken nose. His pouty lips. Sam had it bad. He wanted to know what those lips felt like.
Dean's moans came faster. Sam turned away quickly because he knew what came next. Dean would wake up with a start and go right to the bathroom. Sam thought it was funny that he was giving Dean wet dreams like a teenager.
He heard Dean wake up. Sam closed his eyes and gently pulled at himself. He was rock hard. He was sweating and his long hair was sticking to his face.
Sam realized that being in love with Dean was one of the reasons he left for college in the first place. Though he couldn't admit that to himself back then. The mix of emotions are what him to leave with Dean after he’d told him their father was missing. Then, after everything the past year had thrown at them, when he lost Dean to Hell, he was afraid he'd never get him back.
Sam didn't hear Dean get up. This was new. He wondered what was different about this dream that it would make Dean wait. Sam heard the covers shift. He could feel eyes on the back of him. Dean was watching him sleep.
Their first case after Dean came back from Hell was the first time Sam admitted to himself he was in love with his older brother. And Sam realized quickly that their co-dependency on each other was their version of love. When they fought, it was because one of them was getting too close and Dean wasn't ready to admit anything yet. So they pushed each other away. They did things they knew would piss the other off. They tried to distance themselves from each other. It never worked for too long.
Sam quickly got over the fact that this was his brother, but he knew Dean would have a hard time admitting that it was okay. Dean was more emotional than he let on. So Sam waited until Dean was ready.
Three months later and a month after Dean's wet dreams started, Sam laid facing away from his brother feeling his eyes on the back of him.
He heard Dean get up and take a short step to Sam's bed. He bent down. Sam could feel his hot breath on his ear. He felt a wave of adrenaline rush through him.
"God I love you Sammy," Dean whispered in his ear.
Sam had enough waiting. Dean could reconcile his feelings about sleeping with his little brother later. Sam couldn't take it anymore. That shockwave still coursing through him. Adrenaline pumping hard and fast through his veins. His breathing sped up.
He turned to Dean with eyes wide open. Dean stumbled backward and sat back down on his bed.
"Sammy...I..." Dean's voice was rough from sleep. It sent another shiver through Sam.
"Shh," Sam whispered. He took Dean's head into his hands and kissed him hard. Like he'd been waiting his whole life for that moment.
Sam could feel the argument in Dean's head and the moment he chose to just let it happen. Dean had put a hand on Sam's chest to push him away, but Sam deepened the kiss and Dean stopped pushing back.
Sam ran his tongue along his brother's lips. Dean opened and Sam slid Dean backwards onto the bed.
Their kisses were so much more powerful than Sam had imagined. The real thing, Dean's perfect pouty lips, felt so good on Sam's. He slid on top of his older brother and rubbed his erection against Dean's.
Dean moaned and pushed Sam back. Sam backed off and broke their kiss. He sat back on his knees and looked at Dean with puppy dog eyes and his head tilted. This wasn't what he expected.
"Sammy...I can't...you're..you. You're my little brother. We can't..." Dean's voice was still rough, but now it sounded sad.
"Why? What are you afraid of? Dean, I've wanted this for a long time. I gave up waiting for you. I know about the dreams. I don't want anymore time to pass between us with things unsaid and undone," Sam said watching his brother's face turn red.
Sam watched Dean argue with himself again and after about five seconds Sam was back on top of him, kissing him hard.
Sam moved away from his mouth and toward his ear.
He whispered, in the most sultry voice he could manage at this early hour, "It's okay, Dean. Just let go."
Dean stiffened up. Sam could tell Dean had no idea what to do. He moved back to his mouth.
"I want this and I know you do too. I've heard you," Sam mumbled through kisses.
"Are you...sure?" Dean asked in between breaths.
Sam stopped kissing him and looked into Dean's emerald eyes. "Yes. Are you?"
Dean tilted his head at Sam. Then he surprised Sam. He sat up and started kissing Sam’s neck, pushing Sam backwards so that their heads faced the foot of the bed.
Sam moaned against Dean's short, soft kisses. His tongue slid across Sam's adam's apple. Dean kept moving downward. Sam's mind was getting clouded with lust. He didn't know what made Dean change his mind but he was so glad he did.
Dean had moved to Sam's shoulders and was kissing along his collarbone. Sam was moaning little noises. He could feel Dean's smile against his skin.
Dean moved lower to Sam's chest. He slid his hand into his boxers and tugged gently at Sam's rock hard erection.
"Sam...Jesus..."
"Not so little brother anymore," Sam said with a grin. Dean smiled back at him and pounced on his lips again.
Sam was moaning through every kiss. Dean's hand was twisting on every upstroke make Sam lift his hips and push into him.
Sam wrapped one leg under Dean's and flipped him so he was back on the bottom. Sam broke their kiss and pulled his shirt off of him. He quickly kissed his way down to Dean's manhood.
He pulled off his brother's boxers and took him down in one motion.
"Oh god...Sammy..."
There was that name. The one Dean moaned in his sleep. The one that drove Sam crazy.
He went what had to be painfully slow on the way back up. He wanted to tease Dean as much as possible. Give him a little taste of what Dean had put him through. It had been a long time since he'd done this. He went through a phase in college and tried to remember what tricks he used. That phase didn’t last long; it wasn't guys he was into, just Dean.
“Fuck...Sam…”
Sam removed his mouth and blew cool air on the tip of Dean’s cock. Dean cried out. Sam smiled. He put the tip of Dean back into his mouth and sucked slowly, giving little pop noises when he would pull off.
Sam took him down all the way again. Hitting the back of his throat. Sam hollowed his cheeks and bobbed his head up and down, savoring Dean’s taste. He licked Dean from hilt to tip, oh so slowly, until Dean cried out, and then he would take Dean down all in one motion again. It had to be agonizing now. The more Dean pleaded the more Sam smiled.
He could feel Dean starting to pulse. Dean’s moans were getting louder. He started lifting his hips when Sam would move his head up.
“Sammy…”
Sam pulled off for a split second. “Come for me, Dean…” And Sam took him in all in one motion and bobbed his head fast.
It was all Dean needed to push him over that edge. Sam felt the pulsing get quicker and once he felt the warm slick come on the back of his throat he swallowed then slowed. He kept sucking until Dean couldn’t take it anymore and his hips started to buck up. Sam let go, smiling.
He looked up at his big brother who was lying with his eyes still closed, trying to catch his breath. Sam placed gentle kisses all the way back up to his mouth. Dean kissed him softly.
Sam was wiped out. He still had a rock hard erection but just seeing Dean like that, sated, happy, was enough. They fell asleep within minutes, holding hands.
***
When Sam woke up, Dean was gone. He must have been way more tired than he thought to not feel Dean get up. He got up, figuring Dean was in the bathroom.
He wasn’t.
Sam didn’t worry too much, thinking he went out for coffee before they went searching for a case. He jumped in the shower. He felt like the warm water had healing powers. Sam’s jaw was slightly sore, but he couldn’t care less.
After a long shower, just before the water turned to ice, Sam got dressed and opened his laptop. Then he noticed the note on the table.
“Went out. Back later. -D”
It wouldn’t have shaken Sam if it was something Dean normally did. But if Dean went out and didn’t tell him when he was coming back, something was wrong. Something-he-didn’t-want-to-talk-about wrong. And the note was so short that it worried Sam. He knew Dean was thinking too much.
He got up and went for his phone, pacing the room, leaving Dean voicemail after voicemail. After an hour, Sam couldn’t take the worry anymore. He went out for a walk.
He was so sure that Dean would be okay. The tone in his voice when they started this morning didn’t give Sam even an inkling of doubt. He hated being wrong. Especially when it came to this. He didn’t want to push the only person he ever loved that much, that hard, away.
Sam remembered the night Dean showed up in California needing help finding their father. Sam always knew something was missing in his relationship with Jess, he just never knew what. He loved her, but there always seemed to be something missing. Like a little piece of his heart couldn’t give in.
And when Dean showed up, that mix of emotion left Sam sure of only one thing: what was missing between him and Jess was something Dean had. Thinking on it now, it was the combination of love and fear, happiness and hatred, longing and pushing away, that was missing.
But Dean missing now was different. It was all the bad things. Fear, pushing away, hatred. That last word he tried the least to think about. He didn’t want Dean to hate him.
He had no idea what drew him to the water. But walking around for the last hour or so, checking his phone constantly, and the last kiss of sunlight drew him to the beach. The semblance of peace. A gorgeous red-orange sunset bouncing off the dark blue water.
Sam was headed toward the pier. Still looking at his phone, he walked right past the Impala. He walked backward and stopped. He took a deep breath and looked around. Dean was leaning over the edge of the pier, beer in hand.
Sam sighed. He wasn’t sure how much Dean had to drink. Too much and he’d have thought too much about what happened. Made it into something it wasn’t. Too little and he wouldn’t be willing to talk at all. Sam put his phone away and walked slowly toward Dean.
Dean jumped a little when Sam brushed his arm against his, leaning over the edge of the pier.
“Hey,” Sam said.
“Hey.”
“I’ve been trying to get ahold of you all day.”
“Did you find us a case?”
“No, Dean. I wanted to talk. About what happened this morning.”
“Oh god, another share our feelings talk? Spare me, Sam. Please?”
Sam would have been pissed at this if he’d not known it was Dean’s coping mechanism when he was confused and scared. He always put on a heavy macho man attitude.
“Dean, I know you’re confused and sc…”
“No. You don’t know what I am. So just stop now,” Dean said in a huff.
“Fuck Dean! I get it alright. You put on this big macho facade when you’re scared. I know you, okay? So I’m not going to stop. You ran away. You left me in a motel by myself after we both dropped some pretty intense emotions on each other.”
“You’re pissed because I ran away? Pot meet kettle.”
Sam sighed. Not enough beer.
“Dean, look at me. Please?” Sam said.
Dean turned to lean on his elbow. He looked straight into Sam’s eyes.
“I’m in love with you, Dean. More than that. I’m addicted to you. Like a drug I can’t stop. You going to Hell almost killed me. I tried everything to get you back. To have you with me. And when I exhausted every single option short of killing myself, I thought I was going to die from the pain of being away from you. Then you came back. Yeah, you still won’t talk to me about what happened, but I figured you’ll tell me when the time’s right. I was just happy to have you back. And then I got scared. All these feelings I have for you were going to go unnoticed. Everytime I wanted to tell you, something stopped me. Then I heard you talking in your sleep. Dreaming of me. Then today you whisper that you love me and I thought everything would be okay. Apparently, I was wrong. I don’t know if you weren’t ready or the shock of me feeling the same way threw you. So please, talk to me Dean,” Sam said, watching his brother’s green eyes look down as he spoke. He tilted Dean’s chin back up until their eyes met again.
Dean sighed, turned back to the water, and took another drink of beer.
“Sam...I...just...I thought…” Dean was stammering.
He stopped talking. He took a deep breath of air. Sam put his hand on Dean’s. Dean’s shoulders fell.
“You’re right. I wasn’t ready for you to say you felt the same. It threw me. It scared me. We’re not supposed to have feelings like these. Not for each other anyways. But you’re right. I’m just as addicted to you. I feel like my heart is going to burst inside my chest sometimes, and sometimes I never want to see your face again. But, dammit Sam, I love you. I just can’t. I felt so wrong after this morning…” Dean said and his voice drifted.
“Why though? I mean if it’s the whole brother thing, I mean, no one has to know what we do.”
“Yeah, but that’s the thing Sammy, I want to be with you. It’s not just in the bedroom. It’s always.”
And the realization dawned on Sam. Dean didn’t know how to be in an actual relationship with Sam.
“Dean, no one knows we’re brothers save for a few people. We keep it quiet from them, but any other time, it’s free reign. Most people think we’re together that way anyways,” Sam said, gripping Dean’s hand just a little tighter.
“I just...I don’t know.” Dean said and took the last swig of beer in the bottle.
“It’s okay to be afraid, Dean. I’m afraid if Bobby or Ellen or someone we know finds out. But frankly, it’s none of their business. It’s okay to be scared of that. But I’m far more scared of you not knowing this secret then of anyone finding out about us.”
Dean’s eyes looked like they were searching the water for the answer. Something to calm all his fears. He was quiet for a minute. The sun was just a sliver of orange on the water. Dean took a deep breath and nodded.
“I am afraid. But I want to be with you so bad that I guess I have to make that first leap and hope you’re there to catch me. Not being with you would be torture on us both, like Hell all over again. And it’s not like we can go back to before this morning happened now.”
Sam looked up. It was the first time Dean had spoken about Hell. He had guessed they’d use Sam against him. He just wondered for what. But he wasn’t about to break the train of thought Dean was on.
“We’ll just be careful. And I will always be here to catch you. You’re my brother and I love you. More than anything,” Sam said, turning to Dean.
“Jump together?” Dean asked.
“Together. No going back. And we’re Winchesters. We always land on our feet,” Sam said, smiling.
Dean smiled at that. He pulled Sam in close and kissed him. Sam could taste the salt of Dean mixed with the beer he’d been drinking. It was a powerful kiss. A kiss that Sam thought stopped his heart. So much had been said between them. It was like they were sealing their fate.
***
Sam drove them back to the hotel, holding Dean’s hand the whole way. When they got out of the car, Dean pulled Sam into him and pushed him up against their door. Dean was holding onto Sam’s head. Sam had his hands around Dean’s hips. He ground against him and felt Dean moan into his mouth.
Sam had to get them inside. He broke the kiss and tried to hurry unlocking the door. Once they were in all bets were off. They started stripping each other of clothes like their lives depended on it.
Sam latched onto Dean’s neck, sucking a small bruise into it. He laid soft, butterfly-like kisses down Dean’s chest and Sam’s knees hit the floor.
Sam took Dean down slowly this time. His tongue darting around, licking and tasting Dean.
“Oh my god...Sam…” Dean moaned, holding onto Sam’s shoulders.
Sam smiled and ran his tongue up and down Dean’s cock. Sam took him all the way down and sucked on his head on the way back up. He could feel Dean starting to pulse already.
Dean stiffened his arms and moaned more loudly. Sam pulled off of him like lollipop making a loud "pop" noise. He didn't want Dean to come just yet.
"Dammit Sam..." Dean moaned loudly.
Sam smiled. "Not just yet."
He kissed Dean almost chastely. Sam pushed him backward onto the bed and Sam followed him, his arms landing on Dean’s sides. He kissed Dean deeply.
Dean tried to follow Sam’s lips as Sam pulled away. Sam reached over the edge of the bed and grabbed his duffel. He pulled out a bottle of lube. He laid down next to Dean.
Dean turned to face his brother. Sam grabbed his hand and started to suck on two of Dean's fingers. Once they were dripping wet, he moved Dean's hand downward. Dean's eyes got wide.
Sam positioned Dean's hand. Dean got the hint. He pushed one finger into Sam. Sam bucked his hips at the intrusion. It was a strange sense of pressure. Dean started to move in and out of him slowly. Sam moaned and closed his eyes.
“Jesus you’re so tight, Sammy.”
Dean added his second slicked up finger. Sam moaned Dean's name. Dean started to scissor him open. The more he did it the more Sam's cock twitched. Sam’s stomach dropped and he couldn’t take the need anymore.
"Dean...I need you. Now," Sam said, breathlessly.
Dean smiled and took his fingers out. Sam moaned at the loss. Dean took the lube Sam had pulled out and slicked himself up. He situated himself between Sam's legs.
"Are you sure, Sammy?" Dean asked.
There was a breathy, lusty sound in Dean's voice that made Sam more than sure.
"Yes, Dean...please..." Sam moaned, trying to get his brother to go on.
Dean lined himself up and pushed himself slowly into Sam. They both moaned each other's name.
“God you are so, so tight. Ohhh….”
Sam was hurting but he wasn't about to stop Dean. Dean threw his head back. Sam watched a bead of sweat drip down his neck and onto his chest. He took his own erection into his hand and started to stroke as Dean slowly moved in and out of him. He could feel himself give into Dean.
Soon the pain became pleasure and Sam was pushing against Dean making each thrust harder. He reached up and pulled Dean’s head towards him. Their kisses were so hard, Sam felt like he might have bruised lips after this.
Sam's mind had left him ten minutes ago and all he was left with was the notion that this was better than any dream. He moaned into a kiss as Dean bent down to catch his lips again. Dean slid his tongue across Sam’s lips and Sam opened. Their tongues danced with each other.
Dean had grabbed Sam's cock and was stroking it in tandem with his thrusts. Twisting his wrist making Sam thrust forward into Dean’s hand. This also had the added effect of pushing Dean right against Sam’s prostate. Sam let out a fierce yelp. He was closing even tighter around Dean. He was going to come soon.
"Sammy..." Dean moaned.
That name sent Sam into overdrive. He knew Dean was close. He could feel him pulsing inside him.
"Let go, Dean. I wanna feel you..." Sam said through breaths.
“Oh god Sammy,” Dean moaned and Sam started to come, pulsing white streaks onto his stomach and Dean's hand.
Dean came only seconds later moaning into Sam's shoulder and pulsing into Sam.
Dean laid on top of Sam for a good couple of minutes before pulling out gently and laying next to Sam on the bed. Both of them staring up at the ceiling, trying to catch their breath and feeling the last shockwaves of their orgasms.
Finally, they were breathing normal. Sam turned to Dean.
"So was it as good as your dreams?"
"Better," Dean said pulling Sam into a soft kiss. Dean laid against Sam’s shoulder, with Sam’s arm around him.
They fell asleep in each other’s arms. Sam dreaming of Dean, and knowing his brother would be dreaming of him.