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"Lord Raymond!"
That was Lucius's voice, clear and unmistakable. Raven sighed, knowing he would have to face the consequences of what he said earlier, consequences only avoided thus far because of the confusion and business of the battle earlier. He turned to face his long-time companion, who was hurrying to catch up to him, but said nothing.
"Lord Raymond." Lucius repeated, calmer and firmer now that the two of them were face to face. Despite his controlled tone though, worry and an almost childish mix of puzzlement and hurt feelings showed on his face. "Why did you leave, earlier? And what did you mean, anyway?"
Raven thought for a moment, not sure where to begin. "By what?" he finally said, wincing internally at the unintended sharpness in his voice.
"By saying you didn't need— because you already— you make it sound like I'm the 'jabbering bride'!" Lucius looked at him expectantly, face slightly red.
"Must I spell it out for you?" Drat. He was no good at this, Raven thought to himself. He had spent so long hardening his heart and thinking of revenge that trying to speak about something tender left him clumsy and his mouth full of rough words.
Instead of answering, Lucius looked at the ground, eyes obscured by his long fringe. He stayed still like that, quiet and expression unreadable, long enough for Raven to grow uneasy— uneasier— but the mercenary was too wary of spitting out some other harsh thing to interrupt the silence. When Lucius spoke, it was quietly.
"Priscilla and I," he began, "we've spoken a few times."
Raven hadn't known, but rather than feeling surprised or unsurprised at the statement, he wondered why Lucius would bring his estranged sister up now.
"She seems as sweet and dutiful a sister as you could want, but she did say some strange things. For instance, that..." The monk's face reddened again.
"That..?"
"I believe her words were 'even a few lords must have fallen for' me, she imagines."
Raven's heart seemed to be suddenly stuck in his throat.
"Even though I'm a grown man now!" Lucius continued. "Do I really still look like a woman?"
Raven shook his head. "You look like a man." An exceptionally beautiful one.
Rather than be placated by the reaffirmation though, Lucius's composure slipped enough for a small but petulant stamp of the foot as he burst out, "Then why must you also tease me about it!"
"I— what?"
"You won't make me leave you, not after all this! If my conversation is that tedious to you, just say as much and I'll be quiet, but don't tell me to wait at home just to avoid me, and don't say things like that just to needle or discourage me!"
It took a moment for Raven to respond. "It isn't. Tedious. I'm— I like listening to you?" In his head, he cursed himself as he heard his own dull-witted reply; he no longer sounded unintentionally angry, but he was still making a complete mess of things.
"'Jabbering'." Lucius shot back. "You said you had enough of it."
"You're my only family," the younger man blurted out. "You're my only family and I don't want to lose you; I said that, too, remember?"
He saw Lucius' expression soften, and finally he felt like he had some solid ground, something to stop this strange conversation from slipping into who knows what.
"I remember." Raven breathed a sigh of relief. "But—"
"Priscilla's different." He cut Lucius off, anticipating the objection. "We've spoken too. She will always be my sister; in the end I cannot throw her aside. But..." He gestured at nothing in particular, then gripped Lucius's arm. "I would be happy even if she lived a life where we never met again. I can't say that of you."
The older man blinked, then narrowed his eyes. "Why try to get rid of me then?"
"For Elimine's sake Lucius, I said I wanted to come home to you, not be rid of you! I plan to come back."
"Things don't always go as planned." There was the slightest quaver in his voice.
"All the more—"
"I'm not weak anymore, Raymond! I'm going with you, and—" Lucius stopped suddenly. "Lord Raymond," he hurriedly amended, but Raven shook his head.
"It's fine." It was more than fine. "And... " He took a deep breath, considering Lucius had a point. His concern for the other's health and frailty was deeply ingrained by now, but it was true; for some time now Lucius had been holding his own in this army just as well as he himself had been. "...Alright. You win."
Happiness lit up Lucius' face. "You'll let me go with you?"
"I thought you were going to come along no matter what?"
"I was! I mean I will!" The blond gave Raven a look he couldn't quite read. "After this army disbands... about Priscilla... even if you aren't 'family' anymore, and even if you'd be willing to accept never seeing her again..."
"...I know."
"A short visit whenever you're able, or even just letters— I'm sure it would make her very happy."
Raven nodded, and lightly squeezed Lucius' hand. He wasn't sure when he'd taken hold of it, or if Lucius had noticed. After a beat of warm quiet between them, Lucius spoke up again. "She said she was jealous of me, you know. Because I've spent so many years with you, and she so few. The way she said it, it was as if I had wronged her somehow... like we were competing, like I had taken you away from her or you had chosen me over her."
"I didn't even meet you until after she had left."
"I know, and at the time, I was puzzled because of that. Now, though..." He looked up at the sky for a moment, thoughtful, then back at Raven with a rueful grin. "The last thing I want is to hurt her, but this time it almost feels like she's right."
A breeze ruffled the monk's long hair. Raven gripped the one hand he was holding more tightly, and purposefully took hold of the other as well. Lucius looked down at his hands, curious. With the jumbled turns the conversation had taken, Raven had failed to make clear what, in the end, he most needed his old friend to understand. He took a deep breath.
"She is."
"What?"
"I am choosing you. Over her, and anyone." Please understand.
Lucius flushed slightly. "Lord Raymond…"
"I told you, Raymond is fine. But she was right about that too."
"?"
"I can safely say at least one lord fell for you, though he's lost that title now."
The realization of what Raven was implying visibly worked its way across Lucius' face, and for a moment there was a flash of happy disbelief that made Raven's heart soar— but in an instant it gave way to hurt.
"That again?" He could feel Lucius pull away slightly in his grip. "I'm used to your jabs, but you know how I dislike—"
"I'm not teasing! And I know, I know you're a man! Believe me, I see that." He lifted one hand to brush a long strand of hair behind Lucius' ear, letting his hand come to rest lightly beside his face. He wanted to just—. "Lucius. You don't think I look like a woman, do you? You would never think of me as a woman." The monk was taken aback, but nodded in agreement. "And I have my vices, but gambling isn't one of them, right?" Still confused, Lucius nodded again.
"Right. But even so, I'm going to make a bet right now: I'm going to bet you feel the same way about me as I do about you."
"Raymond!"
Raven leaned closer. "And if I'm right, then even though I'm a man, and you can see that, you still want to kiss me."
"..."
"Am I right?" His heart was pounding but he kept his voice level. The men's eyes were locked.
With the smallest movement, Lucius nodded.
"Then you can agree that I can see you as a man and still want to kiss you?"
Another nod.
"Then we should both do what we want." Raven moved in to close the space between them.
"Raymond, I," Lucius whispered breathlessly when they broke apart. "I didn't think I could be any happier than when you agreed to let me go with you." He smiled. "I was wrong."
Raven returned it with a rare smile of his own. "I didn't think I'd ever have to courage to do that. I was wrong too."