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It’s just like any other day. Well, night, to be precise.
And just like any other night, he lies awake - unable to fall asleep. By now, he’s tried every trick he knows. Counting sheep, meditation, ocean sounds, various other nature sounds, staying away from any screens a minimum of three hours before going to bed, not doing anything in the bed during the days so his brain only associates it with sleep, having complete silence and darkness in the room. You name it, he’s probably tried it.
But sleep continues evading him. It’s hard, how he knows the dull ache in his chest is just psychological, but it still keeps him awake. Logically, he knows that this thing that’s settled into his head is not , by any means, healthy. Logically, he knows it’s just for the fans.
Logically, Taehyung knows he should not be feeling these things for his best friend and he definitely knows that depending on his embrace to even fall asleep is not something he should be doing either.
He doesn’t even remember when it first started. Maybe, in a way, Taehyung has always felt this way towards him. But he tells himself it’s nothing like that. He’s always done that, as a way to protect his heart. Because Taehyung knows, he knows that he loves too much, too easily. He gives his all and sometimes he really should not.
But that is all worries for the day, he tells himself, now he should focus on falling asleep.
.
.
.
Oh, who is he kidding?
Taehyung is already out of his bed and walking out of his room when his mind catches up and registers what he’s about to do - where he’s going.
He rubs his tired eyes as he walks through their dorm with determined steps, the clock barely ticking past 1:31AM.
Despite, by now, having fully realized and accepted that Taehyung has fallen face first into the pool of love his heart holds for his best friend, he is still walking to said friend’s room. Despite knowing his feelings will likely never be reciprocated, he’s not stopping his feet from taking him there - where he knows he will always be welcomed even if only as a friend .
Taehyung shakes his head to rid himself of these thoughts swarming his mind, before opening the door as quietly as he can.
“Jiminie,” his voice sounds deeper than usual as he murmurs the name, his sleepiness coming as a clear sign through it. “Are you awake?”
When there is no response, Taehyung assumes that Jimin is, indeed, asleep. As quiet as he possibly can be, he enters the room and closes the door after himself before making his way to the bed.
Seeing Jimin’s peaceful face as he sleeps spreads a warm feeling in Taehyung’s chest. He’s happy, he realizes, that Jimin gets the proper rest he so direly needs. That they all need, really.
He doesn’t even realize it, when he’s leaning down and pressing his lips against Jimin’s, when he’s caressing his soft cheek with his thumb. Not until he feels a puff of breath against his face, does Taehyung realize what he has done.
Tears well up in his eyes as he backs away from the sleeping boy, feeling disgusted and horrified at his own actions. Again, he’s let his feelings cloud his senses. Regret and guilt fill him to the brim as he retreats to his room as fast as he can without being loud enough to wake anyone.
Eventually, after tossing and turning for what felt like ages, Taehyung falls into a restless sleep in his far too cold bed.
---
After the Incident, as he likes to call it, Taehyung can barely look at Jimin anymore. Not without being reminded of the awful thing he did to him, at least. So Taehyung does what he does best, he avoids his best friend as much as he can. It doesn’t matter that it hurts him, because as much as Taehyung hurts by avoiding him, it’s nothing compared to how much Taehyung hurts by knowing he has betrayed Jimin’s trust.
Jimin would never love him the way Taehyung so dearly wants him to. There’s no way, because Jimin has only ever shown interest in girls, and Taehyung knows that. Yet, Taehyung still kissed him. While Jimin was asleep. And it only makes Taehyung hate himself that much more, to know he can’t even stop himself to act out on his emotions even when Jimin is defenseless and vulnerable. The guilt is eating him alive.
But Jimin, on the other hand, is alone and confused. It hurts , because he doesn’t know what he did wrong to make Taehyung avoid him as if he’s the plague. Taehyung, who is his soulmate and best friend, who is supposed to stay by his side no matter what happens. Taehyung, who suddenly can’t even spare Jimin a glance before turning away.
To say it’s breaking his heart is an understatement, Jimin thinks, because it’s more as if someone has ripped it out of his chest and is currently stomping all over it. It hurts so much to see Taehyung slip away from his grasp when he doesn’t even know what went wrong.
But Jimin has a plan. He’s going to make it right. He’s going to stop Taehyung from running away and he’s going to give the bastard a piece of his mind.
“Kim Taehyung!” Jimin’s voice rings out like an alarm, sudden and loud, followed by the even louder bang of the door to Taehyung’s room slamming into the wall from the force Jimin used to throw it open. “I’ve had enough of your shit!”
And Taehyung, who had been sitting in the middle of his bed while reading a book, startles enough to drop the book down onto his lap and give an audible gasp.
“J-Jimin,” he stutters out, though Jimin interrupts him.
“No. Don’t you Jimin me, Taehyung,” Jimin walks closer to the bed with determined steps, watching as Taehyung scoots back until his back hits the wall. Taehyung is trapped, and Jimin feels an ugly satisfaction as his eyes lock into Taehyung’s frightened ones. He looks like a deer caught in headlights, frozen and unsure. “Why? Why are you avoiding me? Have I done anything to you? You promised to be by my side no matter what . No matter what, Taehyung. So then why are you avoiding me? Have you suddenly forgotten what soulmates mean? Or do you just not want me anymore? Is that it? Is this just some fucked up way of letting me know you don’t want to be by my side anymore? What the fuck is your problem, Taehyung? You can’t just come into my room in the middle of the night to kiss me and then just fucking avoid me for the rest of eternity! That’s not how it works, you absolute piece of garbage! Dumbass! You can’t just... You can’t do that. It’s not okay... Taehyung, you can’t just do that to me.”
Taehyung stays quiet for a while once Jimin is finished with his rant, just to let everything sink in. He can’t bear to hold the intense eye contact with Jimin as he thinks about his words, so Taehyung looks down at his lap instead.
“I,” Taehyung takes a deep breath and swallows before continuing, his voice small and vulnerable. “I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry? That’s all you have to say? You’re sorry ?” and Jimin is raising his voice again, frustration and hurt welling up in his throat together with his next words. “Just what are you sorry about, Taehyung?”
Jimin knows he’s being harsh, mean even, but he’s so hurt that seeing Taehyung flinch brings back that ugly satisfaction in his chest again.
“I’m sorry,” Taehyung repeats again. “For everything. I know I did something unforgivable and I’m truly sorry for that Jimin. I really am. I know that it’s hopeless and stupid of me to even entertain the thought of you ever reciprocating these stupid feelings. I know it’s stupid of me and I’m sorry . Please, Jimin, you have to believe me. I didn’t mean to do it. I don’t know what came over me and I betrayed your trust and I feel awful about it. I can’t even look at you... Not without thinking about it and how it felt and it’s so sick , I know. I’m trying to get over it, Jiminie, I really am. So please... Please don’t hate me... I can’t lose you. I’m sorry . I’m so so sorry for everything and I know I don’t deserve it but please give me a little time and I’ll get over it, I swear .”
“You’re so stupid , Taehyungie. You stupid, stupid boy,” this time, Jimin’s voice is low and almost a little thick from emotions. “That’s not why I was mad. Idiot. My stupid idiot.”
Jimin sniffs and closes the distance between them, climbing into the bed and crawling his way over to sit next to Taehyung. He pulls the other boy into his lap with a secure hug, making sure to trap him there if he considers fleeing again.
And the next thing Taehyung knows, Jimin’s lips are pressed against his own in a chaste kiss.
“The only thing you did wrong was leave me like that. You’re so stupid.”
“Stop calling me that,” Taehyung grumbles, and maybe his voice is quivering as he wraps his long limbs around Jimin in a koala like grip. “I felt so guilty. I thought you were asleep and it made me feel so disgusting because that’s not okay. How was I supposed to know you weren’t sleeping?”
The only response Taehyung gets is a breathy chuckle and a pair of lips brushing against his temple.
“You’re right. That’s not a good thing to do. But you stopped. You stopped and then you felt guilty and that shows you’re a good person. I can tell you’re beating yourself up over it and you need to stop and maybe focus on everything else I also said to you.”
By now, Jimin is smiling, awfully fond and pretty as he stares at Taehyung’s face while he’s thinking long and hard. Finally, his brain allows him to register what had actually transpired, and Jimin sees when it finally hits him full force.
“But I thought... I thought you didn’t... I don’t understand, Jimin. You don’t even like me like that so why are you doing this? Please, I know I fucked up but you can’t just- That’s just cruel . Why would you be so mean to me? I told you I’d get over these stupid feelings and you just kissed me. You said you liked someone, you can’t just lead me on like that. It’s cruel ,” Taehyung leans back, expression hurt and guarded, and Jimin finds himself frowning because that’s not what he wanted at all.
But then Jimin understands. Because Taehyung has never allowed himself to believe, to be happy. Because Taehyung was taught so early by everyone surrounding him that he was weird and unloveable and now he can’t even let himself believe it even when Jimin has him in his lap and kissed him.
“Baby,” Jimin whispers, chest constricting painfully. “It’s you. It’s always been you. How could it not be you? You’re beautiful and smart and so, so kind. I’ve always loved you, my sweet baby.”
But Jimin can see Taehyung doesn’t let himself believe, not yet. And that thought hurts even more , because he’s so much more than the dumb blonde so many people have been trying to make him into. Taehyung is so many things, but not one of them is dumb. So Jimin vows to himself, I’ll make you see it too, Taehyungie .
“I love you. Only you. I have loved you, I love you and I will love you. If you’ll let me. Sweetheart, please, say something,” this time Jimin whispers, bringing his hand up to cup Taehyung’s soft cheek and Taehyung leans into it.
“Please say it again,” Taehyung whispers too, closing his eyes as he lets Jimin tug him closer. Maybe, just maybe, he can have this. Just this once, he’ll let himself believe.
“I love you,” Jimin repeats it, over and over between the little kisses he presses against Taehyung’s lips. And maybe everything isn’t great, but it’s a start.
It’s a good start, they both think, as Taehyung responds to the little kisses with his own. And maybe it will be hard, maybe sometimes it will feel impossible, but they have each other and that’s all that matters. Because they’re both willing to work on it to make it better. Because Taehyung is willing to let Jimin help him unlearn all the things he’s been taught about himself, and Jimin is willing to let Taehyung be his rock to lean on when everything becomes too hard.
And maybe, just maybe, if Namjoon hesitates by the entrance for a few moments because he was passing by before seeing the door open and the two boys whispering soft promises between even softer kisses, he doesn’t say anything and only closes the door to let them have their privacy. Maybe, just maybe, if Namjoon ever saw something, he’ll never say. But if they both happen to be on the receiving end of Namjoon’s most loving hug and whispered encouragements a few days later, he’ll never admit to it being anything but a coincidence.