Work Text:
Penny-----------------------
“Penny, Penny, I have to tell you a secret. I think that I like Baz.” He’s absolutely pissed. I don’t think that I’ve ever seen him this drunk. Either one of them.
“Simon you’ve been dating Baz for almost three years.”
“So Baz likes me back?”
“He really does.” Simon starts to lean on me and I drag him over to a bench to sit down. Micah is in a similar situation with Baz a little down the street.
Micah--------------------------
If Baz is like this every time he gets drunk then it’s a wonder that everyone in London doesn’t know that he’s a vamp.
“I am so thirsty Micah. I need to drain something.”
“You’re too drunk to do that Baz.”
“I am not.”
“You started crying less than five minutes ago because you’re afraid that the goldfish Simon got you is going to die.”
“He is so so cute.”
“Simon or the fish?”
“The fish of course. Simon’s not cute. He’s beautiful.” Baz does a ridiculous leap and flings his arms out when he says beautiful and almost falls over.
“Okay Baz, you need to sit down.” I start dragging him down to where Penny and Simon are.
“Noooooo, I need to hunt.”
“Nope. Dude, you’ll be fine until the morning.” I push him onto the bench and turn to Penny. She’s smiling at something Simon said. “Is walking back to your apartment still in the question?”
“Well it’s only a few streets away, but I don’t know how long we can control their paths for.”
“Could we call a lyft?”
“I’m afraid that they would end up throwing up in it.”
“That’s true.” I glance over at the bench and it looks like we’re about thirty seconds away from them making out. “Okay, you guys we’re going on a fun little walk.”
Penny----------------------
That walk was hell, but we’re back at the flat. Baz keeps on trying to leave to go hunting which is I think the worst idea he's ever had.
Micah-----------------------
I wake up to a loud pounding on the door. I look at the clock and it says five in the morning. I figure anything happening around at five in the morning is an emergency to I get up which of course wakes Penny up.
Baz---------------------------
Micah and Penny answer the door, and as soon as Penny as I see her face I know that I’m fucked.
“No, you didn’t. Tyrannus Basilton Grimm Pitch you did not go hunting drunk did you?” The full name, ouch.
“Can I come in?”
“Not until you answer me.” She has her hands on her hips and looks really mad. Is this what it’s like to have parents that care? I’ve got to be honest. It’s freaking me out a little bit.
“Yes okay and I really messed up and I’ll tell you all about it if you let me in.”
“Wait you didn’t bite a human did you?” Micah questions. I have to say I am a little offended by that lack of faith in me, and just because I am a drunk vampire.
“No, I did not bite a person. It’s really bad but it’s not that bad.”
“Come in then.” She opens the door wider and moves out of the way so that I can go in. I would try to just escape to Simons room, but I have a pretty big hunch that that won’t work out in my favor. I take a seat in one of the overstuffed armchairs while Penny sits on the couch. Micah offers to make tea and is in the kitchen.
“So what did you do.”
“I drained one of your neighbor's dogs then hid the body and we’re just going to have to pretend that it ran away.”
“You what?” She looks stunned. I mean who wouldn’t. A stray pet is one thing, but one of Simon’s neighbor's dogs is another.
“You know that one blonde neighbor you have with that stupid mutt that yaps too much?”
“Louise?”
“Yep well I don’t know how I came across her dog. That part is definitely a little fuzzy, but the dog was there and then suddenly it was dead so now it may or may not be in a garbage can two streets from here.”
“Baz that’s really bad. Are you sure that it’s her dog though? Could it have been someone else's annoying dog?”
“You know that stupid purple collar that the dog wears.”
“Yep.” I pull the collar out of my pocket. Oh god, I am so terrible. I killed someone's dog. I mean it wasn’t out of cold blood, but still, I killed it. Just then Simon stumbles out of his room into the living room.
“Baz, Penny, why are you guys up?” His eyes are only half open and he plops down on my lap. He curls into me as Penny begins talking.
“Baz accidentally killed Louise's dog.”
“You killed Marty?!” Suddenly very awake he turns so he can see my face. Not wanting to see his reaction I cover my face with my hands.
“It’s really bad. What are we going to do?” I bury my head into Simon’s back and he twists some more so he can hold me.
“We are going to lie are arses off that’s what we’re going to do.”
“And no more going hunting while you're drunk.” Penny adds.
“Yeah Baz what were you thinking?”
“I don’t know what I was thinking. I don’t even remember how I got the dog in my possession.” Micah finally comes in with the tea.
“Sorry I don’t like making tea with magic. I always think that it tastes like my magic and then it gets in the way of me enjoying non-minty teas.” Yeah, his magic is very minty.
Simon-----------------------
It’s ten in the morning when Louise knocks on the door. I have to have Penny spell my wings invisible before I can answer it.
“Oh, Louise such a good surprise seeing you.”
“Hi, Simon. I was actually wondering if you’ve seen Marty my dog.”
“I’m so sorry, but I haven’t. Do you need help looking? When was the last time you saw him.” I really need to chill.
“Well, he was home last night. Sherri thinks that she might have accidentally let him out of the flat last night when she and her umm friend came home late last night after I was already asleep.” At least we know that Baz wasn’t breaking into places to get his hands on a household pet.
“Well like I said I think that Penny and her boyfriend whos visiting from America are going out today, but Baz and I aren’t so if you need out help looking for him or help making posters we’ll be here all day.”
“Yeah, thanks so much. I’ll come by later to let you know.”
“No problem. Good luck!” Oh, I am such a jerk. She’s never going to find her dog unless she finds his dead body.
Baz----------------------
“Why did you tell her that you would help her make missing dog posters?”
“Why did you kill her dog?”
“Okay, I’m sorry. I didn’t kill the dog.”
“I know you didn’t and that’s a really fucking scary though Baz.” I know it is. If nothing stopped me from killing that dog than what’s stopping me from killing a human. I shudder at the thought. I wouldn’t. Would I?
Simon---------------------
We spend three hours making all the posters. Well, one hour to make the posters then it takes Baz forever to go out and get all of the copies made. Then we split up and hang them up everywhere until we run out. I feel so guilty doing all of this when we know that her dog is dead. Also, we totally killed like a whole tree with these posters.
Baz--------------------------
I made the poster, and then made a hundred and fifty copies of it. I am such a monster. A monster who kills dogs then lies to the owner and makes missing dog posters for her and puts them up all over. I am going to have to look at these posters for so long. This dog truly is haunting me. Maybe in seventeen years, it’ll show up for a visiting and just yap at me.
Louise--------------------------
I’m getting a weird vibe from Simon and Baz. I wonder if they do know something about Marty that they aren't telling me.