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they come and go like waves. surging, loud, and crashing one second, quiet and retreating the next. stabbing pain, one that makes him curl up in his bed with a feeble whine, wishing that there was someone who could cuddle him and make it just – go away.
the rest of the dorm is out at the moment, all catching up with lessons and practises, ones that he can't attend because of his stupid fucking cramps. life would be so much better if he was born as a boy. he clutches his stomach, grumbling under his breath, “stupid uterus. why do you have to shed your lining every month? why?”
it doesn't help that he has a near splitting headache from the yelling that chenle and jisung had been doing before they left. what even was so great about dominoes that you have to literally scream about it? he wishes he could understand. he wishes a lot of things.
it's about a minute later when he decides to shower in the hopes that it'll relieve his pain, even if it is only momentarily. it's when he's rinsing his hair out and rolling his shoulders and neck (binders are also a bitch) that there's a knock at the door.
“renjun?” his eyebrows furrow beneath the spray of water. he thought he was alone today. he likes to be alone during his week of hell, likes to sulk in his room while binging dramas on netflix and eating an unhealthy amount of junk food. maybe his mood swings will have him crying like a baby at nothing, then throwing a pillow at whoever enters his room without knocking first. “is it– is it the week?”
he grins to himself, spitting out the water that got in his mouth. he shuts off the water and reaches for his towel. “yeah. it is,” he says, voice slightly muffled from the soft fabric. “could you grab me a hot water bottle please?”
there's a moment of contemplative silence before, “a what?”
“why do i even bother,” he mumbles to himself before dressing himself in loose clothing, big enough to hide his form and be nice and comfy. “i’ll be out in a second. boil the jug.”
“will do.”
he shakes his hair a few times, running the towel over it before fluffing it up a few times with his fingers. after making sure that his hair isn't going to stick out in strange directions, he unlocks the door and makes a dramatic exit (entrance?) that only he can see – holding his arms out at his sides, chin tilted up with steam pouring from behind him. it would be better if the steam was slightly thicker, though. it really adds to the whole mysterious effect.
he definitely feels better, much cleaner and less icky in general, swallowing down two panadol (that jisung had left there before leaving, that absolute angel) and hanging his towel over the rack to dry before opening his curtains and sauntering into the lounge.
the jug finishes boiling as soon as he enters, the little click! resounding through the otherwise silent living room. “yukhei? where’d you go?”
“where did ya come from, where did ya go? where did ya come from, cotton eyed joeee,” yukhei sings obnoxiously as he enters the lounge, holding something renjun can't see. “is this a hot water bottle?” he asks, holding it out in front of him as if it's a bomb set to go off at any second.
“yes, it is. thank you.”
yukhei, honest to god, scratches the back of his neck and hehe’s. what! renjun blinks twice, obviously confused. remembering that he has a job to do, a mission to accomplish: fill up his hot water bottle without burning himself. it would be much easier to just purchase a heat pack that he can stick into the microwave and reheat, but hot water bottles just – are better. no argument needed.
“do you need anything else?” yukhei asks, leaning down so he can rest his elbows on the benchtop and stare at renjun, currently trying to fill the hot water bottle with a slightly shaky hand. “like a helping hand so you don't burn yourself?”
renjun takes a chance to glare up at him, gripping the handle of the jug tighter. “fuck you.”
yukhei’s eyes widen dramatically, the way they do when he watches kun doing a magic trick. “you said a bad word!” he says, gasping. “i’m gonna tell kun-ge!”
“i’ll burn you before you do.” he finishes filling up the hot water bottle, carrying it over to the sink in case any of it spills over while he twists the cap in. “chocolate would be good, though. and ice cream. also something salty. is there any meat leftover?” he slips the hot water bottle underneath his sweater, giving a sigh of relief before opening the fridge.
“i heard none of that, sorry. say it again?”
“dark chocolate, ice cream and something salty. if you make a dick joke i will cut yours off.” yukhei’s mouth, previously open, shuts itself. “i’ll give you the money to pay for it. take my card.”
“yessir.” yukhei salutes him, straightening up and marching in the direction of renjun’s room. he emerges a minute later, holding renjun’s card and looking much more dressed up.
“do i need to write you a list?” renjun watches yukhei pout his lips, then shake his head. “okay. have fun, don't get hurt.”
“i’m not five. i’ll be fine.”
renjun waves him off. yukhei huffs, slipping on his shoes and waving before setting off on his journey to the nearest convenience store. renjun stretches an arm above his head, letting out a small “oof” when his back clicks. there should be a drama on the tv right now, renjun thinks as he switches it on, settling into the couch in a little ball. he's flicking through the channels, searching for something to watch but before he can get the chance to, his phone rings from the room. he groans, throwing a little fuss before getting up, stomping to the offending object and pressing answer before seeing who it is.
“what.”
“chill, it's me. is there anything else you want? or need? i’m in the sanitary aisle right now and there’s a girl staring at me. why is she staring at me.” yukhei sounds panicked, flustered even.
renjun hums, tugging the duvet off his bed with the pillows following not too long after. “can you see if they have any chapstick? that peach one is really nice.”
“that's all you want? nothing… else?”
“what else could i want?”
“i found a… not a perfume, but like one of those man sprays? what are they called?”
“cologne?”
“yeah!” renjun has to hold the phone away from his ear for a second. “i found one of those, do you want me to get it?”
“is it something you'd wear?”
yukhei is quiet for a moment. “maybe…”
“is there something less… obnoxious? like, a softer scent?”
yukhei hums, and renjun hears him moving things around, sniffing them before putting it back on the shelf. “i’ll buy a random one, and if you don't like it then i’ll have it.”
renjun huffs a laugh, putting his phone on his bookshelf and making sure it's on speaker before tugging the corner of his sheet of the bed. lucky they were dark. he listens to yukhei’s mindless blabber while he changes his sheets, cleaning his room out and rearranging his bookshelf. he managed to find a sort of belt to hold his hot water bottle to his stomach, even if he had to adjust it so it didn't fall every few minutes. he hears the door being unlocked, standing up and making sure his hands are clean.
“so, i got some water bottles too because i read that you need to drink a lot of water otherwise you'll get dehydrated–”
“you need to do that anyways, yukhei.”
“–and it's better for the both of us if you aren't all grumpy. no one likes a grumpy baby. i also got you some dark chocolate that was sort of expensive but that's okay because it was fair trade chocolate and i paid for it.” he grins after he's finished. renjun blinks.
“you paid for it?”
yukhei holds out the bag. “yeah! for all of it, actually. i hope you aren't mad.”
renjun peers inside, taking out the ice cream and setting it down on the bench, then venturing around for a permanent marker. he makes a triumphant sound when he finds it, writing renjun’s ice cream :) DO NOT EAT!!! then caps the pen and near throws the tub in the freezer so it doesn't melt.
“why would i be mad?” he reaches out for yukhei’s wrist and pulls him close, tiptoeing so he can press a kiss to yukhei’s cheek. “thank you. for being cool about this.”
yukhei puffs his chest out, grinning in the way that makes renjun’s heart do a happy little wiggle. “you're a man too. even if you weren't born as it, you have to go through this what, every month? that proves that you're more manly than the rest of us.”
renjun wants to blame it on the mood swings and weird hormonal imbalance for what happens next: him bursting into tears, yukhei panicking and trying to calm him down and renjun trying to break pieces of dark chocolate to eat so he can shut himself up.
“it's fine! i’m fine! just– my hormones are out of wack. i’m all over the place right now.”
yukhei’s face softens and he holds his arms out. renjun, sniffling and clutching his chocolate to his chest, melts right into his body, letting out a small purr of satisfaction when yukhei rubs the small of renjun’s back.
“you know what would be really good right now?” renjun says quietly, body warm from both yukhei’s body heat and the blush on his cheeks. “a nap.”
“you wanna nap?” renjun nods, slightly sulky. “okay. let's nap.”
renjun retrieves the rest of the things from the small bag, ignoring yukhei (“i can carry it, let me carry it.”) and instead waddling to his room, throwing everything on his bed before turning around and walking into yukhei’s room.
yukhei raises his eyebrows. “my room?”
“mhm. you're taller, so your bed is bigger.” he bunches up the blankets around him, blinking big eyes up at yukhei. “come on in.”
“this is my bed,” yukhei whines, all in good nature. he flops on top of renjun, laughing when he groans and wheezes i can't breathe. yukhei rolls off him and the room falls quiet then, the only sound being the both of them breathing. “you know you're not supposed to sleep with your binder on, right?”
“yeah, i know that. i’m not wearing it.” he didn't say that to shut yukhei up or get him to stop asking questions – he only has a sports bra underneath, one that won't be noticeable. the clothes help too, though.
yukhei’s voice is slightly slurred when he speaks next. “mm. good boy.”
renjun’s face flames (although he will not admit that. never will) and he burrows further into the blankets.
“y’re wearing a pad?”
“yeah. one of those big overnight ones.”
the good thing about yukhei is that he doesn't really make much of a big deal out of it. sure, renjun is transgender. good for him. he goes through a menstrual cycle every month and has to deal with crippling cramps for the first two days; as yukhei had said before, that makes him even stronger than the rest of them – both physically and emotionally.
“rub my tummy,” renjun mumbles, attempting to get the sentence out before he can embarrass himself.
“guh?”
“gimme your hand.” in renjun’s brain, big hands=good tum rubs. and, as the whole world knows, yukhei has massive hands! therefore, better tum rubs!! yukhei makes a slightly confused noise but let's renjun take his hand anyway, settling it on his stomach and pressing it in slow circles. god fuck, this is so much better than a hot water bottle could do. he lets out a shuddery sigh of appreciation and yukhei, getting the message, presses his fingers in, rubbing in small circles.
“what causes cramps?” yukhei asks quietly, pressing a tiny kiss to the back of renjun’s neck. “like, is it your stomach? what does it feel like?”
“well, first it feels like my uterus is eating itself, or like i’m being shot from the inside. it's just– a gross feeling. and i was reading about it a while ago, they're caused by my hormone levels rising – the hormone has a really fancy name, by the way, i’ll tell you it later – and they cause contractions and it makes me feel real shitty, basically.”
yukhei makes a little sound, one that sounds like he's sorry for renjun. “that sounds awful.”
“the struggles of not being cisgender!” he says bitterly, pressing himself back into yukhei’s chest. “i fucking hate this. i’m sorry for forcing this all on you.”
“it’s fine. it means i get to know more about you. i’m learning.”
“you’re so gross,” renjun says, but he's grinning, burying his face into his arm while yukhei’s giant hand rubs circles into the flesh of his stomach. at some point, the rest of the dorm come back from their day, and someone hushes the rest of them, shutting yukhei’s bedroom door.
–
“you know you snore?” renjun says as soon as he wakes up, feeling much better than he has anytime he sleeps with only a hot water bottle to soothe him to sleep.
“you know you mumble in your sleep?” yukhei replies, tugging renjun closer to him. “it was cute, though.” he kisses the curve of renjun’s jaw. “like you.”
renjun shoves the pillow over his face before he can say anything else, and so he doesn't see renjun’s face flame red.