Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The woman is thin with elegant fingers, hair pinned back in an extreme bun, brows thin and arched. The man is stout with a square jaw, shoulders positioned rigid and wide, mouth set in a stern scowl. The girl is like her mother, though perhaps less severe, with a softer, rounder face and long, honey hair that falls to her shoulders in loose, bouncing curls. They are the Putthiaksorns, a wealthy family not unlike Kongpob's own—the man having been both a classmate and now business associate of Kongpob's father; the wife was his childhood sweetheart, though even that happened because of careful planning made by the man's parents. The daughter, Praepailin, more commonly known as Prae, is Kongpob's age, currently attending an all-girls' school, but, by the way the conversation is going, it sounds as if that is subject to change.

"You said she is at Lebnar's Women's Academy?" Kongpob's mother asks, lacing her fingers together before setting them in her lap.

The woman imitates his mother before closing her eyes and nodding. "Yes, she is. She's doing quite well there, actually." Her eyes open as her lips turn upwards into a pomegranate smile. "Top of her class."

"Really?" Kongpob's father asks. "Brilliant mind, beautiful face? You must have been blessed."

Though his lips are locked in a permanent grimace, the man on the other side of the table seems to laugh, deep and rumbling. "Perhaps. There is only one thing that could make us truly blessed."

"Yes," Kongpob's mother says, "I believe we share similar sentiments."

The woman straightens, clearly meaning business. "You said he is seventeen?”

Kongpob glances to his mother, for she had said that first thing upon seeing the Putthiaksorns' daughter. Either way, his mother merely smiles warmly, a shark smelling fresh blood. "Yes. Just turned it in July."

"How nice," the woman says, head tilting kindly, as if any of this is coincidence. "Prae turned seventeen last week."

"Similar birthdays?" Kongpob's mother asks. "Adorable."

"I agree," Prae's mother replies.

Prae's father clears his throat. "Well, we must keep that in mind."

"We must," Kongpob's own father agrees.

"Praepailin," the woman addresses the girl across from Kongpob, "you are content at Lebnar's?"

Prae flushes but nods. "I am learning a lot." She looks to Kongpob's parents. "They teach us not only academics, but also how to socialize, network, and be a proper lady."

Kongpob's mother coos. "That's amazing. Are you sure," she continues, looking to the girl's parents, "that this is a sacrifice you'd be willing to make?"

From the periphery of his vision, Kongpob sees Prae trying to catch his eye. He keeps his gaze fixed on his friend across the room. They can all play their roles, but none will ever win an Emmy for it. They all might as well leave him out.

"I'm sure it's a wonderful, strong partnership," Prae's father says, and Prae gives up on getting his attention. "We can have tutors for her if absolutely necessary."

"Kongpob," his mother says suddenly, causing him to whip his head around to look at the other's at the table, "what do you think?"

"I—um." Usually Kongpob is able to answer quickly, but recently, he's let himself go more. This was the third girl they tried to set him up with this week... and it's only Wednesday . He accidentally glances at Prae, seeing her pink cheeks and wide eyes. "Yes," he says, gathering himself. For as different as he likes to think himself, Emmys or not, he can still act well enough. "If that's what you all find best, and if Prae agrees, I think it's all right. But... if this doesn't work out, I'm not sure how wise this decision is."

"All good decisions come with sacrifice," Kongpob's mother says.

The best ones are done without it , Kongpob thinks, and though it's a thought, his mother seems to sense it and digs her heel into the toe of his right shoe, and Kongpob winces. He throws on a smile when the others look over at him.

As soon as they're absorbed in some other topic, Kongpob goes back to staring determinedly at his friend. When the other finally turns around, Kongpob points to his pocket. The other nods before discreetly getting out his phone.

A couple seconds later, Kongpob's phone is ringing. When all the others at the table look at him, he gives an apologetic smile. "One of my juniors," is his explanation. "I gave a lot of them my number at the end of last year in case they needed help with summer assignments."

His parents excuse him, and he leaves hearing such a kind boy from Prae's mother. Kongpob bites his lip as a replacement for rolling his eyes. On his way out of the hall, he sends his friend a quick thumbs up. He doesn't see if the other does it back.

Soon, he's out on the balcony, the sound of indistinct chatter filling the air around him and nothing but the stars sprawling out endless above him. He pulls out a box of Marlboros from his right pocket, procuring a lighter from the other. He's quick to light one up and lean against the railing, taking a hit as he does so.

Before he's even a quarter of the way through the cigarette, he hears the sound of the curtained French doors opening behind him and the rhythmic clicks of heels on cement. Kongpob doesn't turn around.

"I don't think I'd want a husband who smokes," Prae says from behind him.

"I don't know if you'll get a choice," Kongpob replies; he doesn’t bother turning around.

"You'll get cancer, you know," Prae continues.

Kongpob shrugs. "It lessens my stress."

Prae doesn't respond, merely comes to stand next to him, crossing her arms over the railing.

"Your parents said you were taking awhile, so they sent me to find you," she finally explains.

Kongpob glances at her. She's looking at him. He looks back out over the estate, the fields of deep green stretching out in front of them, only to stop at the indigo lake that shimmers in the moonlight. "I was on the phone. And it hasn't been that long."

Prae hums, quiet. "I guess they were worried."

Kongpob flattens his lips.

"They said I'm going to transfer this year," Prae says, voice timid and soft. "Maybe I'll see you around."

Kongpob lets out a breath, the smoke dissipating into the air in front of him. He stays silent for another second before shaking his head. "I should apologize. I'm not usually like this. I've just been really stressed lately."

"It's fine," Prae tells him. "You wouldn't be doing that ," she motions to the cigarette between his fingers, "if you weren't."

Kongpob looks at her. She straightens, arms coming off the railing to fold over her chest. "I won't tell them."

The corners of Kongpob's lips curl. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it," Prae says. Her eyes gaze skyward for a second before she's turning to face the doors. "I'll tell them you're explaining a really tough problem." She sends him a glance, though he isn't sure what emotion is behind it. "Like I said, maybe I'll see you around."

Kongpob's smile transforms into something akin to a smirk. "I'd count on it."

Prae looks at him one last time, eyes taking him in from head to toe, before heading back to the banquet hall.

As soon as she's gone, Kongpob is lifting the cigarette to his lips.

He'd count on it, but he doesn't want it.

Chapter Text

It's only him in the hallway. Well, him and an abandoned textbook, likely dropped by someone in a rush. Kongpob gets his backpack out of his locker, slinging it over his shoulder before filling the now-empty space with a couple of notebooks. When he's done, he closes his locker, resting his forehead on the cool metal and closing his eyes. He takes a breath in. First day, and he's already exhausted. He places a hand on the locker beside his. His fingers stick slightly to the smooth surface. Kongpob lets out another breath before tilting his head back. It's as he's doing this that he hears a curse and a crash.

Kongpob whirls around to see a guy on the floor, papers and books scattered around him and, some ways away, a phone. He ignores the items and rushes over to the guy's side.

"Hey," he says, "are you all right?" He places a gentle hand on the other's elbow. "I'll help you pick up your things."

There's a moment where Kongpob wonders if the dude got knocked out from the fall before—

"Don't worry about it," the guy says, pushing himself up off the ground, Kongpob rising with him. "It's fine."

"Are you sure?" Kongpob asks, brows furrowing. "It sounded, and now looks, like you took quite a fall."

"I said I'm fine," the other guy (who's shorter than him, Kongpob is pleased to note). "I don't need your help. Now piss off."

Kongpob takes a step back, only to go over and pick up the other's phone. He clicks his tongue. "It's cracked."

"Didn't I tell you to piss off?" the guy asks, now gathering the other things that fell. "Would it help if I said I don't want your help?"

"You'll probably want to get this fixed," Kongpob ignores him.

The guy lets out a groan of frustration. "Since you didn't seem to understand the first time, let me reiterate—"

Kongpob looks over at him.

"Fuck off!" The guy stands quickly, books and papers now gathered back in his arms, before snatching the phone out of Kongpob's hands and storming off down the hall.

Kongpob is left to stare after him, wondering what got him so angry in the first place.

He doesn't have much time to think about, however, because he quickly notices something on the floor near his foot. He picks it up.

A bracelet. Kongpob studies it, noting the way the inside of it is extremely shiny, as if it was worn often. He stares down at it for another second before realizing—

"Hey! You dropped—!"

But the other guy had already disappeared.

Kongpob lets out a huff before sliding the bracelet into his pocket. He'll just have to find him again tomorrow.

When he gets home, his mother, who's standing atop a wobbly stool, is carefully redecorating the mantle, carefully perching a bird statue on the very edge of it.

"Kongpob!" she greets cheerfully, gripping the mantle tightly when the stool almost collapses. "How was school? Did you see Praepailin?"

Kongpob tugs his backpack off his shoulders, instead carrying it in front of him with two hands, as he makes his way over to one of the couches in the front room. "So you went through with it?" He sets his backpack down. "I haven't seen her yet." Before his mom can even open her mouth, he looks down at his bag. "I'll say hi if I see her." He unzips his backpack, pulling out his binder, as he does so a paper slips out. His mom sees it before he can pick it up.

"Good," she says. "You're doing student council again. Junior representative this year?"

"President, actually," Kongpob replies. "Dad said I have to be president."

His mom blinks before smiling, something soft and serene. "Really?" she asks. "That's great. You'll get the position for sure."

Kongpob looks down at the paper in his hand, head tilting. "Yeah. Me too."

"What about Aim?" his mother asks. "What is he running for?"

"I think he said Treasurer or something like that," Kongpob answers. "He's been working a lot with the basketball team, though, so I don't know for sure if he'll do that."

His mother tsks. "Well, he shouldn't get too distracted by basketball. He needs to be on student council. That'll be more useful."

Kongpob opens his mouth to comment how being captain of the basketball team might be more beneficial than a student council position but changes his mind, instead merely shrugging. "I have to study, we've already got a test in chemistry on Friday."

There's a pause before his mother steps off the stool to look at the mantle from a distance. Finally, she nods. "Have fun. Study hard."

"Yeah," Kongpob replies. "See you at dinner, Mom."

When Kongpob gets to his room, he lets out a long, heavy sigh, thinking about all the homework that's already managed to amass in less than a day. The first day, no less. But it's not like Kongpob can just not do it, so begrudgingly he pulls out his work and collapses into the chair at his desk.

He works till the sun goes down and even after that. He works till the time changes from four to six to eight, only stopping when his mom calls him down for dinner.

"It's ready!" she shouts, voice clear despite the many walls that separate them.

Kongpob stares at his homework, three worksheets done already, three more to go, before leaning back in his chair and looking to the ceiling. It's empty. Kongpob heads downstairs.

His father's gotten home already, sitting at the head of the table with a napkin across his lap like a gentleman. Kongpob sits to his right, his mother sitting across from him. His father takes a bite of his food first, comments on it, then asks about Kongpob's day.

"He's going to be in student council again," his mother says immediately.

Kongpob's father nods. "I hope he is," he says. "I told him to be." He laughs, though no one else does. Kongpob's mother only smiles.

Kongpob scoops up some rice. "I share a couple classes with Aim, which is nice. We've worked out our studying schedule, too."

"Already?" his mother asks, and his father sends him a distant smile. "What a good boy I have."

Kongpob looks down at his food.

"Chalai called me today," Kongpob's mother says after the silence had begun to grow suffocating. "She said she's met a man."

"Really?" Kongpob's father asks, looking up from where he'd been balancing food onto his spoon. "I thought she was with that West fellow. He is who we agreed on."

"Perhaps," Kongpob's father agrees, and he's frowning, too. "We can discuss this with her later. I don't trust him, and I don't like her changing plans without our consent. Things can go wrong."

Kongpob's mother laughs, and it's hard to tell if it's genuine or not. "Always so protective."

His father does not smile. Eventually, his mother's smile fades away, too.

Kongpob finishes his meal. He sits in relative silence until his father dismisses him from the table.

When he goes back up to his room, his ceiling is still empty, and he still has only finished three worksheets—three more to go.

❈ ❈ ❈

The second day of school finds Kongpob distracted. The monotonous voice of the teacher is completely lost on the boy as he stares through the small window in the door out into the hallway. Half the school day has already passed, and Kongpob hasn't caught even a glimpse of the other boy. The bracelet burns a hole through the pocket of his pants. Kongpob's hand slips inside his pocket to feel the metal. His eyes stay locked on the door.

It's only Aim shaking his shoulder that snaps Kongpob out of his daze, brushing off his friend's concerned look with a wave of his hand.

It's in the passing period between the second to last and last class of the day that Kongpob spots him. Immediately, he's chasing after the other, no name to shout out due to his lack of knowledge. Instead, he can only go hey! and you! , which only succeeds in getting weird looks and confused glances.

Finally, Kongpob catches up to him.

"You," he says.

The other doesn't seem to hear him, and Kongpob lets out a frustrated noise.

"Hey," he says, more aggressive this time, "last time we met," Kongpob grabs the other's wrist, making him turn around and glare, "you dropped something." He's letting go of the guy's arm to pull the bracelet out of his pocket, but by then, the other's managed to disappear in the growing crowd.

A hand on his own wrist startles Kongpob, and he looks behind him, only to see Aim. "Oh," he says, "it's you." Aim lets go of his wrist. "Hey." Kongpob smiles, though it's half-hearted.

"What were you doing?" is how Aim greets him.

Kongpob's smile, already fading, transforms into a frown. "What? What was I doing?"

"That guy," Aim says, nodding his head in the direction said guy disappeared off in, "is Arthit. He's our senior. Super scary dude."

"Yeah," Kongpob concurs, "I've had experience with him before."

Aim's eyes widen as his jaw drops. "Really? Man, I'm glad you're still alive!"

Kongpob glances back to where Arthit escaped his grasp. "Yeah," he mutters, "really glad."

Aim bumps him on the shoulder with a fist. "But seriously, be careful with that guy; I heard he's trouble." Kongpob's lips flatten, and Aim sends him a smile. "Just a run-in or two, right? No damage done." He brushes invisible dust off of Kongpob's chest. "Come on. Let's go to trig."

Kongpob nods belatedly. "Okay," he agrees, fighting the urge to look back at where Arthit disappeared. "Let's go to trig."

After school, Kongpob has to go to a stuco meeting, the introductory one that he personally thinks is a bit too early in the year but can't do anything to change. He sits next to Aim, who's continually looking at the clock and jiggling his leg nervously.

"Hey," Kongpob whispers to him as more people trail in, "if you're that worried, you can go to the gym. I'll cover for you."

Aim's head whips over to him. "You would?" the other asks.

Kongpob lifts a shoulder. "I don't see why not. You cover for me at banquets."

Aim smirks. "Yeah, I do." He raises his brows, and Kongpob shoves him.

"Whatever, man," Kongpob says. "Like I said, though: just go if you're that anxious."

Aim stares at the door, more first years trailing in, before nodding and getting up. "Thanks, bro. I owe you."

Kongpob bumps their fists together as Aim starts to go. "No, you don't."

Right after Aim is gone, the teacher-sponsor comes in, and the meeting begins.

Kongpob is chosen as main candidate for president. Surprise, surprise.

❈ ❈ ❈

He's at the front doors of the school, pushing them open when he spots him. Kongpob nearly drops a book he's carrying out of shock. "Hey!" he shouts. "Arthit!" He breaks into a sprint when the other gets nearer to the gate of the school. "Arthit! I have something of yours!"

The other slows before turning slowly, face falling into something mean when he spots Kongpob.

The younger of the two doesn't care, however. Instead, he just keeps running, slowing only when he's within ten feet. He stops two feet away from the elder. "You dropped something yesterday."

Arthit glares at him, and Kongpob huffs irritatedly before reaching into his pocket and procuring the bracelet the elder dropped.

"Here," he says, holding it out to the other. "You dropped this."

Arthit's gaze drops to his hand before snatching the bracelet and putting it onto his wrist. "Thanks," he grumbles as soon as it's on.

Kongpob smiles. "So you do have some manners."

Arthit glares at him (though Kongpob is beginning to think that's the guy's normal expression), straightening up to his full height. Kongpob is pleased to note he for sure is taller than his senior. "Yes," he says, "I have manners. But I only use them when I'm with someone who deserves them."

Kongpob has to bite back the urge to roll his eyes. "And I don't?"

"Didn't I tell you to leave me alone?" Arthit asks, fiddling with the bracelet though still looking at Kongpob.

The younger tilts his head. "Yeah, but you said it, like, 'piss off,' which is pretty rude."

"I had somewhere to be," Arthit replies.

"Where?" Kongpob asks.

"Don't make me say 'piss off' again," Arthit snaps. "And this time I won't use just words."

"Don't tell me you're going to punch me," Kongpob says, frowning. "That's just overdramatic."

"Look," Arthit finally sighs, "I don't know what kind of game you're playing, but it's really not funny."

"Game?" Kongpob asks.

Arthit nods.

Kongpob thinks, but he can't come up with a response other than, "Huh?"

"What do you mean 'huh'?" Arthit asks.

"What do you mean 'game'?" Kongpob asks back.

Arthit lets out a frustrated sigh. "I mean that I know what your friends think about me, and if you're just trying to complete a dare or something, well, say you did it and go."

"Did what?" Kongpob questions. Arthit seems to be growing more and more irritated, but Kongpob genuinely has no idea what's going on. The first time they met was because of chance, and all the other times were because Kongpob had to return something of Arthit's. None of it was orchestrated by anyone else. "I really don't understand."

"You don't understand that your friends asked you to talk to the gay kid?" Arthit finally snaps. "Wow, you're so brave for talking to the guy that likes girls and boys! You deserve some kind of award." He groans and crosses his arms, looking away from Kongpob.

Kongpob was ready to get irritated too, the other's bad temper rubbing off on him, but at his words, all the fight in the younger leaves. "The... gay kid?" Kongpob asks.

Arthit doesn't respond.

"But...," Kongpob coughs, "I haven't heard anything about that."

"What?" Finally, Arthit looks over at him.

Kongpob bites his lip. "I don't know if you know, but I really only talk to Aim, and he really only talks to me and, like, two other people. I don't know what they talk about, but Aim knows something about... someone that would keep him from saying something about... you."

Arthit studies him for a second, and Kongpob nearly squirms under the other's scrutinizing gaze, until the elder leans back. "That barely makes any sense."

"But it made... sense?" Kongpob asks.

Arthit nods.

Kongpob lets out a breath, and Arthit turns, seemingly ready to walk away, but Kongpob isn't done. Not when he just found out this. "So you, uh... you're bi?"

Arthit freezes, and Kongpob can see the tension spread through him. "You know the word for it?" he asks, not looking back at the younger.

"Uh, yeah," Kongpob replies, finally taking a step closer to the shorter. "I'm guessing no one else at school does?"

Arthit coughs. "Uh... some do."

Kongpob nods. "Cool. Uh... yeah. Cool."

Arthit nods too. "Yeah."

"I'm gay," Kongpob says suddenly. As soon as the words leave his lips, his eyes widen and his hands fly up to cover his mouth. From behind his hands, he says, "I've never told anyone that before." He lowers his hands. "I mean, someone knows I like guys, sort of, not really, but they don't know it's just... yeah."

Arthit is staring at him with equally wide eyes. "Um...," the elder begins, "congrats?"

Kongpob lets out a breath. "Sorry. I, uh, yeah. Surprise!"

"We—," Arthit cuts himself off and curses under his breath.

"What?" Kongpob asks, looking around.

"Someone's coming," Arthit says. "Look, I'm sure we can talk again sometime, you know, but don't you have a reputation to uphold?"

Kongpob makes a face.

Arthit rolls his eyes. "Yes, Arthit, I do. Thank you for caring so very much about it." He pulls out his phone (a new one, Kongpob notes), going to his contacts. He gives it to the younger. "Here. Give me your number. We can maybe talk sometime."

Kongpob sees the person coming, now halfway between them and the school. He takes the elder's phone. "Maybe," he says, entering his info. He gives the phone back to Arthit when he's done. Their eyes meet, and Kongpob has to change his answer. "Definitely."

At his change, Arthit sends him a confused look, and Kongpob smiles.

"Yeah," Arthit says. "Sure." He pockets his phone before turning, this time beginning to walk away. He throws a wave over his shoulder. "See you."

Kongpob waves too. "See you."

As soon as Arthit is gone, the other person appears. Kongpob jumps at the hand on his wrist. When he turns, he lets out a breath. "Prae," he says. "Hey."

Praepailin Putthiaksorn in normal clothes is... something. Her long hair is pinned back, still falling in gentle curls, and she's wearing gold-wire glasses. She tilts her head. "Was that... who was that?"

"A... someone I know," Kongpob says. "Don't worry about it. Do you need anything?"

Prae begins to shake her head before smiling. "Actually, yes. Do you want to walk home together? Or maybe we can go to the mall? I just got out of dance, so I still have some energy."

Kongpob swallows, looking to where Arthit disappeared, before shrugging. "Whichever one you want is fine."

Prae visibly brightens with his answer. "Really? Awesome!" She takes his arm in a tight grip. "Let's go!"

Kongpob allows himself to be dragged along.

They arrive at the mall, and Prae is quick to drag him to a cafe, where she orders a juice for herself and stares expectantly at Kongpob until he orders an iced coffee. Prae goes to get out her wallet, but Kongpob stops her, the chivalry in him coming out naturally. This earns a giggle from the cashier. "What a nice boyfriend you have," she says to Prae.

Kongpob opens his mouth to correct her, but Prae merely laughs and calls him cute. He pays for their drinks and tells Prae to find a seat and he'll join her later. Prae nods. As soon as he gets their drinks, Kongpob searches for the girl, finding her at a table in the far corner. He bites back a frown at the odd place, assuming she'd be one to be out in the open when with a "cute" guy, but... he guesses not. Maybe she's the possessive type. Ultimately, he decides not to question it, instead going over to sit across from her.

Prae smiles at him and accepts the drink with a thank you. They sit in silence for awhile, which, again, Kongpob finds odd because Prae seems like she can be really flirty, especially when he recalls her attitude from the banquet, but... again, he guesses not.

Another few moments pass in silence before Prae says: "I didn't know you know Arthit."

"You...," Kongpob swallows, "I didn't know you know him either."

Prae laughs quietly, tucking a piece of hair that got loose behind her ear. "I don't. Not well, at least. I approached him once to ask about an assignment during the summer at this tutoring thing, and he asked for my number."

"Did you give it to him?"

Prae hums, shaking her head.

Kongpob leans forward. "Why not? Because you're technically going to be engaged...?"

Prae hums again, head still shaking as if she's listening to a song Kongpob can't hear.

"Then why not?"

"Not my type," Prae replies.

"You have a type?" Kongpob asks, flushing when he realizes it came out a lot ruder sounding than planned.

Prae shrugs. "It's pretty specific. You aren't it either."

Kongpob frowns, brows furrowing. "Then what is it?"

Prae giggles, something seeming suddenly so uncharacteristic of her. "You know," she says, looking straight at him across the table, "a bit more leg, more lipstick, a bit of a chest."

Kongpob stares blankly at her before.... "Oh," he says. His eyes widen as it really registers. "Oh."

Prae smiles. "I figured if you were talking that way to him—easily, lots of smiles, you know, you could talk to me, too."

"But at the dinner—"

"People lie, Kongpob," Prae says, suddenly sounding so tired. "I'm sure you know this."

"I...." He does. He knows it well. "Yeah."

Prae smiles and lays her hand down on the table, fingers stretching elegantly across the wood. Kongpob takes it, and she laces their fingers together. "I'm a very good actress," she says.

Kongpob stares at her nails, the pearl pink color of them. "You are," he admits. "Had me fooled, too."

"And you're a good actor?" she asks.

Kongpob meets her gaze. "I think so."

Prae tilts her head, lips twisting. It's a comedic expression in the middle of a serious talk. "If you say so," she says.

"What?" Kongpob asks, sitting up. "Am I not?"

"We all have secrets," Prae says, ignoring his question. "Do you want to share yours?"

"Like yours," Kongpob replies. Prae blinks. Kongpob shrugs the shoulder not attached to the hand holding Prae's. "Except instead of girls, it's...."

Prae lets out a sudden laugh, though she doesn't seem particularly shocked. "Oh no."

Kongpob, at her reaction, lets a smile spread across his face. "Yeah."

"This is terrible," Prae says. "How bad of a pair could they come up with?" She keeps letting out little giggles, and it's causing laughter to bubble up Kongpob's throat, too. Eventually, they're both cracking up, fingers still intertwined on top of the table. Kongpob's not sure what the other patrons see—a couple having a good time, friends telling jokes, siblings? But he knows none of them are thinking the right thing, and while that usually would bother him, right now, it's perfectly okay.

❈ ❈ ❈

"Aim," Kongpob says once the question has bothered him enough.

His friend looks up from his math work. "What?"

"Why'd you say Arthit is trouble?" Kongpob asks, leaning his head back over the edge of his chair. "He doesn't seem that bad. He just looks... angry."

"There's just some rumors around him," Aim says after a pause, "rumors I don't want you to have to deal with."

"Really?" Kongpob asks, sitting up and scooting closer to his friend. "Rumors like what?"

"Well," Aim bites his lip, looking uncomfortable—he's not meeting Kongpob's eyes, "rumors like he's not just... on our team."

"Our team?" Kongpob asks, and he hates the way his heart constricts in his chest. He really thought Aim would be more understanding. He's not going to play dumb. "Why would you want to keep me away because of that?"

"Because," and now Aim looks really uncomfortable, leg bouncing, gaze going this way and that, "there are some things being said about you, too."

"And you're a good actor?" she asks.

Kongpob meets her gaze. "I think so."

Prae tilts her head, lips twisting. It's a comedic expression in the middle of a serious talk. "If you say so," she says.

"People think I'm into guys," Kongpob says. It's not a question.

Aim nods.

"Well, they're wrong," Kongpob says, leaving no room for discussion. "And if they want that confirmed, they should just ask me."

Aim opens his mouth, thinks better of it, and goes back to working. They do their homework in silence until Aim says, "I remember what you told me... about what happened last year."

Kongpob looks over at him. Aim is already looking at him. "Yeah?" Kongpob asks, going back to his work. "Well, it was just a one-time thing. I wasn't myself, anyway."

"Are you sure?" Aim asks.

Kongpob pushes his pencil so hard into the paper, the graphite breaks. "Yes," he says, continuing to look as if he were writing. "I'm sure."

He can feel Aim's stare on him, but his friend doesn't say anything, and eventually everything settles back into silence.

❈ ❈ ❈

He eats lunch with Prae now, and a couple other girls, but he doesn't know the other two very well. He mostly talks only to Prae. "As expected of the two to be engaged," one of the other girls (Maprang, he thinks) jokes when Prae and Kongpob sit next to each other. Prae rolls her eyes, and based on the wince that crosses the other's face, Kongpob is left to assume Prae kicked her in the shin under the table. Prae waves the comments about her and Kongpob off, instead talking about an assignment given that's due in a week. Kongpob is about to join in when he sees someone across the dining hall.

He taps Prae on the shoulder, and she glances over as he points to the figure leaning against the wall. "I'm going to be right back," Kongpob says, already standing to head towards the other.

Arthit's got a book in one hand; though when Kongpob approaches, he realizes that the elder's got his eyes elsewhere, namely the floor in front of him.

"You have a book to read, you know," Kongpob greets, moving to lean against the wall next to him. He glances over to look at the page Arthit is on before his eyes widen. "You like that book, too?" He's not actually sure the elder likes it, considering he had chosen to stare at the floor rather than read, but the fact that he knows the book is enough.

The elder snaps the book shut, tucking it under his arm and glaring at the younger. "It's okay," he says.

Kongpob lifts a brow, not entirely believing the other. "There were notes in the margins." He's never loved a book enough to analyze it, not like that. He's doesn't even own his favorite book.

Arthit turns his head, gaze landing on a freshman who'd been carrying her tray to her table. She squeaks when she realizes he's looking at her and rushes off to her table. Kongpob watches as she quickly enters a conversation with her friends, occasionally turning back to steal glances at Arthit, who's paying her no mind. "It's not mine."

Again, Kongpob doesn't believe him, not really, but he'll drop the topic. "How come I never see you in here?"

"My friends prefer eating in the courtyard," Arthit replies, surprising Kongpob with his honesty.

"You have friends?" he asks before he can stop himself.

Arthit's head whips over to look at him, brows raised, offense clear in his eyes. "Yes, I have friends."

"Close ones?" Kongpob asks, angling his body to better face the elder.

Arthit shrugs, lifting his chin. "I think we're close, yes. Why does it matter to you?"

Kongpob smiles. "If I want to be your friend, shouldn't I be friends with your friends, too?" His words make Arthit splutter and turn red, but Kongpob moves on before the elder can get any words out. "If you're so close, how come I always see you alone?"

The elder frowns, his body moving to be parallel to the younger. "Have you ever been told you ask too many questions?"

Kongpob feels his cheeks heat, and he hopes they don't turn red. He glances away. "I'm not usually like this." He coughs into his fist before looking back at Arthit. "So? How come I never see you with your friends?"

"Our schedules," Arthit finally admits. "Some of us chose different electives, so our classes don't match."

"What about after school?" Kongpob questions. He recalls the way he saw the elder all by himself near the gate of the school.

Arthit sighs. "Knot is president of the robotics club; Prem is busy with photography; Tootah and Bright are... Tootah and Bright."

Kongpob laughs, though he doesn't know who Arthit is talking about. He straightens up, having been slipping down the wall some. "That's cool. That Knot is president of the robotics club, that's cool."

There's a moment where Arthit thinks the younger's words over before nodding. "He's pretty smart. Might be the smartest out of all of us."

Kongpob nods before pointing at the book. "But what about that? You must be taking an advanced literature class or something."

"Or something," Arthit says, voice quieter now, and Kongpob wonders if the elder knows he just gave himself and his liking of the book away. Arthit glances around the cafeteria before looking back at the younger. "Hey, Kongpob. I don't know why I didn't say this earlier, but, again, reputation? Do you remember her?"

Kongpob laughs, tossing his head back. He too looks out across the cafeteria, at the students who stare and the ones who talk, the ones walking back up to the lunch line and those sitting by the trash cans on the wall adjacent to them. "I do," he says. "If anyone asks, I'll say you were supposed to lend me a book because my teacher told me to ask you." Again, he points to the book. "I won't mention that it's that one."

Arthit stares at him before he curses and takes his book out from under his arm, lifting it as if he's going to hit the younger. "Hey!" he reprimands as Kongpob pushes away from the wall and heads back to his table, laughing all the while.

He knows reputation, but that doesn't mean she's his friend.

When he gets back to the table, the other two girls are giving him curious looks.

He stares back. "What?" he asks.

The girl with the longer hair (Maprang, Kongpob remembers) leans forward, scooting closer to the table. "You were talking to Arthit?"

Kongpob blinks before glancing at Prae. She's not looking at him. "Yes," he answers finally. "I was."

"But... why?" the other girl asks. He thinks her name is May. "Isn't it weird?"

"Weird?" Kongpob echoes. He tilts his head. "why would it be weird?"

"He asked for my number," Prae comments from next to him, causing the two girls to stare at her now, again with wide eyes.

"Did you say no?" Maprang asks. She's got her fingers tangled in her hair, tugging on the brunette locks.

Prae shrugs. "Yeah. He's cute, though." The disinterest in her voice is tangible, and it pricks Kongpob's skin like needles. His gaze drops to the table as Prae jabs her fork into her food. He winces with the motion.

"Hey," May says, making Kongpob look up and over at her. Her brow is furrowed, and her eyes display blatant concern. "Are you okay?" She places her water bottle in front of him, stretching across the table. "Here."

Kongpob shakes his head, pushing it away from his tray. "I'm fine. Thanks. Just... bit my tongue."

May's lips pull back in a grimace. "Ouch," she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, "that sucks."

Kongpob nods, and she physically angles her body towards Prae, though her eyes remain on the boy the entire time.

"So," she says, "why did you say no?"

Maprang ooh s. "Were you afraid he'd cheat on you?" Her eyes dart left to right before she scoots closer to the table, leaning forward as much as she can. "That he'd cheat on you with a guy? He is cute, though, I agree."

Prae makes a face. "What? No. I just... well, maybe." As she says this, she looks to Kongpob quickly, so quick he's sure May and Maprang will only take it as hesitance towards talking about guys while Kongpob's around.

He smiles as best as he can, though hers and Maprang's words echo in his head, bouncing off his skull, growing louder with every crash. He closes his eyes before shaking his head and sitting up then changing his mind and standing. "I think I'm going to go to the library," he tells the others.

As he walks away, he hears Maprang say to Prae: "He got jealous, you see? He likes you already!"

He's in the main hall when he hears footsteps behind him. He pauses then turns to see May rushing to catch up with him. Her bag is slung over her shoulder, and she's got a book clutched tightly in her left hand. He smiles when she catches up to him, though he's not really up to spending time with someone else. "Hi," he greets.

"Hi," the girl says breathlessly back. "I remembered I need to return this to library, so I figured since you're going, I might as well tag along."

Kongpob nods, beginning to head towards the library once more. May matches his pace, walking determinedly ahead, though her eyes continue to glance over at Kongpob.

They walk in silence for another couple of seconds before she adjusts her grip on her book, the plastic cover on it crinkling with the action. "So, uh, Kongpob," she begins, and he looks over at her, "you're running for President, right?"

He nods after a second. "Yeah. I figured it's only natural."

"You're right," May agrees before smiling at him. "I think you'd be a great one. I'll vote for you!"

Kongpob smiles back. "Thanks. What about you? What do you do?"

May glances down at her book before staring straight forward. "I'm in the book club, and I'm on the cheerleading squad."

"Oh, yeah," Kongpob nods. "I think I've seen you at a game before."

"Game?" May asks.

Kongpob nods again. "Basketball."

There's a pause before May nods. "That makes sense. Are you on the team again?"

Kongpob tilts his head. "Not this year. I was told to focus on school."

May laughs, though Kongpob isn't sure if his answer was a joke. Either way, she nudges him softly, so soft, he might've imagined it. "You're a really good player. You should join, anyway"

"I'm only good at three-pointers," Kongpob responds, "so no."

"That's good, though!" May argues, smile still on her face. "And you're good at other things, too."

"All of us are good," Kongpob replies. "We have a good team. And a good cheerleading squad." He looks over at her when he says this, and she looks back. Her eyes are wide, lips slightly parted; her gaze is locked on Kongpob's, and she stutters out something, but then Kongpob is pointing to her book. "So you're in the book club, too?"

"Too?" May repeats. "I've never seen you there."

"No," Kongpob chuckles, "I meant as 'too' as in, 'that's another activity of yours?'"

May pauses before nodding. "Yeah. I like to read a lot, and I like talking about what I read, I guess. I figured joining the book club would be something good."

"Is it?" Kongpob asks.

May nods again. "We all have different tastes, so sometimes it's hard to decide on whose book to pick, but I think our diverse taste makes the club better. There's more variety."

"That's a good way of thinking about it," Kongpob agrees. "What book did you read last?"

May holds up the library book. Kongpob recognizes the title, though he's never read it. "It was really interesting. I don't think it changed my life, but I had to text our group chat as soon as I finished it because I wanted to know who else got through it already." She smiles brightly. "All of us did."

Kongpob smiles, too. "That's really great. It's cool that you guys all agreed on that. Or that you read it at the same pace."

May flushes. "I don't know if I'd say 'at the same pace.' Some of the people in the group are really fast readers, so they probably read it in an hour or less."

"Really?" Kongpob asks. He indicates he's going to grab the book, and she lets him. He holds it up. "This is a pretty big book. You guys must really love to read."

"Just because you love to read doesn't mean you read fast," May notes, and Kongpob nods.

"That's valid," he says. "Well," he pushes the door to the library open, "I'm going to go grab the book I want. See you."

He's about to walk off when she reaches out to grab his wrist. "Oh," she seems to realize what she's done and releases him, "I was thinking maybe we could talk some more?" She looks away, fingers picking at the cover. "You're really nice."

Kongpob takes a step back, a bit too close to her for comfort, before smiling. "Thanks," he says, "you are too." He pulls out his phone, and he notices she does, too. He opens his messaging app.

You
What's your id number???
12:07pm

Arthit
0206 why?
12:07pm

You
Tell you later, thanks
12:08pm

He pockets his phone and realizes May has her phone on, ready to put in a new contact. Awkwardly, he takes out his phone again, unlocks it, and passes it over to her.

"Here," he says, taking her phone. "We can switch."

May nods and enters her information as Kongpob does the same.

As soon as he's got his phone back, he goes to his messages to see that nothing's changed. He lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding in as May puts her phone in the pocket of her backpack.

It's as he's walking to the fiction section of the library that he realizes—Arthit has near the same ID as him. A smile blooms on his face against his own volition as he brushes his fingers over the spines of books.

Finally, he lands on the book he wants, pulling it off the shelf. He thumbs through it, looking at the pages filled with nothing but evenly-spaced, equally-printed words. There isn't a spot of pen-ink in sight. He snaps the book shut, glancing over at May, who's begun to read a different book from the shelf opposite of him. He taps her shoulder, holding up the book, the back of it to her. "Got it," he tells her as she nods. He raises a brow. "Are you checking out another one?"

May hesitates before shaking her head. "I think I need to focus on my required reading for a bit first."

Kongpob nods, lips flattening. "That makes sense." He tilts his head towards the front of the library. "I'm going to go check this one out, then."

May nods as Kongpob heads down the aisle, book held tightly to his chest.

If it matches the book Arthit had been "reading," only Kongpob has to know.

❈ ❈ ❈

He catches Arthit after school again, this time while he's leaving school with Prae, who'd just left some meeting about student-led tutoring sessions. He points the elder out to Prae, and she nods, and he's pretty sure he feels her hands on his back, pushing him towards the elder. She's gone before he actually arrives to Arthit, however, so he's not too sure if her hands on him were real or imagined.

"Hey," he says once he reaches the elder.

Arthit looks over at him. "Oh, hey."

"I know," Kongpob frowns as Arthit crosses his arms, "it's been a week, and I should've just texted you, but I got really busy, and I forgot, and, well, I needed your ID because of this." And then he pulls out the book from his bag.

Arthit stares at it with dark eyes; when he looks back at Kongpob, it's clear he's unamused. "Why?" he asks.

Kongpob shifts from foot to foot. "Well, I used to use Aim's, but then we got into a sort-of argument about—," he cuts himself off, choosing not to disclose that their argument was about him, "things, so I don't think I'll be using his for awhile, and, well, I figured you were the next best option."

"And why couldn't you use your own?" Arthit asks, right brow raising.

Kongpob bites his lip and looks away. He doesn't want to answer the elder's question. Arthit clearly wants an answer, however, so Kongpob gives him the truth. "I don't want to risk my parents finding out."

"About what?" Arthit asks, taking the library book from him, holding it up. "That you're reading books?"

"You know it's more complicated than that," Kongpob says, taking the book back and shoving it in his bag. "You don't know my parents, but you can guess them."

Arthit's face is turning red, and his arms are crossed once more, his foot tapping heavily on the ground, but instead of arguing more, he just turns his head. "I can." His foot slows its tempo, and his arms eventually fall back to his sides. "I can," he repeats.

Kongpob smiles at him, though he's sure it's tinged with sadness. "Hopefully soon," he begins, causing Arthit to look over at him, eyes round and so very deep, "I won't have to use other people's IDs, and hopefully soon, I can read whatever books I want and love whoever I wish and talk to who I want, but," he gestures with a hand to his backpack, "this is what I get for now."

Arthit lets out a heavy breath. His chest rises as he inhales, lowers as he exhales. "Yeah."

They stand there in silence for a couple more seconds before Arthit pats Kongpob's shoulder.

"I'm going to head home," the elder says, and Kongpob nods. Arthit pats his shoulder again before walking away. "See you," he calls over his shoulder.

Kongpob lifts a hand. "See you."

"I thought you said you were bringing Prae," Kongpob's mother says upon his arrival.

Kongpob takes off his shoes, placing them on the shoe rack by the door. "I was, but something came up, and she had to go."

"Something came up?" his mother asks. "Like what? A family thing?"

"No," Kongpob replies. "A friend thing. Maprang needed a rubber band after hers broke during cheer practice, and she only trusts Prae's things not to be gross."

His mother hums before pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Well, if that's the case, I guess friendship is alright. Though I'd love to have her over sometime soon. She's such a sweet girl."

"Yeah," Kongpob agrees, making his mother's eyes widen and her take a step back.

"You think she's sweet, too?" she asks.

Kongpob frowns, eyebrows drawing together. "Yes?" He tilts his head. "Why?"

"I...," his mother touches her lips with an elegant finger, "I figured you don't like her. You rarely ever like the girls we choose for you."

"Yes, well," Kongpob says, smiling tersely, "I figured it was time I grow up."

At his words, his mother frowns, but she accepts his answer, brushing invisible dust off his shoulders and heading to the kitchen.

His homework is exhausting, and by the time his father arrives home, he's ready to say dinner doesn't matter and collapse onto his bed. He doesn't do that, however, trudging downstairs where he greets his father with a recap of his day and takes a seat at the table. His mother is placing bowls and plates down in front of them, and when she's done, his father tells them about his day.

Kongpob nods, but none of the man's words register, going in one ear and out the other. His limbs feel heavy, and when he lifts a hand to grab his spoon, he finds the appendage much too heavy to be normal. Yet no one is giving him odd looks, and he's pretty sure it isn't swollen, so he pushes through, picking his spoon up off the table.

Dinner passes monotonously, and as soon as he's eaten the last bit of rice off his plate, he's excusing himself, only to be reprimanded. "Wait for others to finish their food," his mother murmurs to him, though her secrecy is a bit pointless, considering the only other person there is his father, and he's the one who cleared his throat when Kongpob began to stand.

Kongpob bites back a sigh and sinks back into his seat, straightening when his father gives him a stern look.

❈ ❈ ❈

"Mom wants you to come over for dinner, or me to go over to yours, no exception," Prae tells Kongpob on Wednesday. "She asked how it went on Monday, then I told her I didn't go, then she asked why I lied, and I told her I didn't lie, I texted her, and she said she doesn't check her texts, I should know this, and I said I'll ask you out to a dinner Friday, so she said okay."

Kongpob frowns but nods anyway. "I'll tell my parents tonight." He bites his lip before shaking his head in exasperation. "They'll be absolutely delighted." He glances over to the girl, who's flipping through a lab due Tuesday. "You know," he says, "my mom was so shocked that I thought you were 'sweet'?"

"Sweet?" Prae repeats, looking up from the lab. "Really?"

"She's like that," Kongpob says. "But yeah, she was saying how she didn't expect me to like you or whatever because I don't like any of the other girls they set me up with."

"Yeah, no way," Prae responds flatly. "One, they're setting you up with girls. They are. And two, you don't even like them."

Kongpob laughs, and he knows what he's thought about his reputation and reputation in general, but he can't help the way his eyes dart this way and that at her words, checking to make sure there's no one around. They're studying at a table in the back corner of the library, a place where couples normally go to make out. Surprisingly, or perhaps unsurprisingly, they didn't even think about that when they headed to the table. At least it'll add to the rumor that they're dating, however unintentionally.

Prae sets down her lab. "So...," she begins, splaying her fingers out on the table.

Kongpob looks over at her as she looks away.

"You and Arthit," she prompts.

Kongpob stares at her before frowning. "What about me and Arthit?"

Prae's eyes snap back to him at his question. "What do you mean 'what about me and Arthit'?" She gestures to him aggressively with a hand. "Don't tell me you've never done this before!" Her voice has softened, but the intensity of it's grown, and she's leaning a bit into his space.

"Done what?" Kongpob asks, trying his best to move away from her without falling out of his chair.

Prae's expression is serious, eyebrows drawn together and lips curved downwards, as she says, quite gravely, "Talked about your crush."

Kongpob falls out of his chair, leaving Prae to lean over him, hair falling down in a waterfall around her face. "You're joking, right?" Kongpob asks, hating the way his voice cracks unattractively and accusingly. He sits up, and Prae leans back. "I don't have a—a crush on him. That's ridiculous."

"Why'd you stutter?" Prae asks before reaching down and offering him a hand up. Kongpob accepts it, and she doesn't let go once he's standing. "I don't think it's ridiculous." She's getting close, and Kongpob's beginning to wish he never took her hand, when she suddenly pulls away. "There was someone there," she tells him quietly, pointing to an aisle now empty.

Kongpob stares at where her finger is pointing before nodding. "Okay, well, my bad." Prae shrugs, flicking a piece of hair off her shoulder. "So," she tries again, "I don't think you liking him is ridiculous. It makes sense, doesn't it? He's someone you can't have, cooler, older, kind of rough."

"Rough?" Kongpob asks, thinking about the way Arthit looks when red and angry. Kind of cute. "I don't know if I'd call him rough."

Prae lifts a brow, something Kongpob doesn't really want to identify but knows is close to pity on her face. "If you didn't have a crush on him, you would agree probably, and then say, 'I guess, but I don't like him like that.' But you thought about what he looks like, I can tell."

Kongpob frowns at her. "How can you even tell?"

"You looked away," Prae replies. "I thought you said you're a good actor?"

Kongpob gives a quiet groan of frustration. "I am," he says, "but this is just...," he chews on his lower lip before shrugging, "it's new to me. I've never talked about these things before. Well, I mean, Aim's told me about girls he likes, but I've never...."

"You've never contributed to the conversation," Prae says flatly. "I've been there." She threads her fingers through her hair before picking up her lab once more. "Well, know that now you can contribute." She pauses before pointing a finger at the boy. "So long as you're willing to listen to me too."

Kongpob nods, sticking out his hand for her to shake in agreement. She takes it, and they bring their hands up and down once, before letting go and turning to their work.

❈ ❈ ❈

Kongpob wins the position of president. He plasters on a smile, thanks everyone, then collapses into his seat next to Aim, new captain of the varsity basketball team.

He and Arthit had been talking some after school everyday, but Friday, Kongpob sends a text telling him Prae is coming over for dinner, so they won't be able to hang out.

Prae reads the text sent over his shoulder. "Will you ever introduce me to him?" she asks, looking up at him when he locks his phone.

Kongpob frowns at her. "What do you mean? Don't you already know him?"

"Well," Prae scoffs, "yeah, but I know him as Arthit the Senior. I want to know him as Arthit, Your Boyfriend."

Feeling his cheeks heat, Kongpob shoves her. "He's not my... that." Prae lifts an unamused brow, and Kongpob stutters. "I swear! And say I did like him like that, well, he'd never like me back."

"Why not?" Prae asks. "You're charming. You're handsome. Why not?"

Kongpob doesn't answer, only stammering out a because! before speeding up his pace, Prae following behind him, laughing.

It is then that he begins to really think about Arthit in a romantic way, wondering just what that would be like.

"Praepailin," his mother greets at the door, absolutely lighting up at the sight of the girl who's currently removing her chic, lightweight jacket. As soon as Prae stands straight, the woman takes her into her arms, and Prae daintily curls an arm around her back. Kongpob watches his mother rub a hand across the girl's shoulder blades. He swallows, turns away.

As soon as the two split, his mother is holding the girl's wrists gently, leaning away some to get a better look. "You're more beautiful than I remembered!" she says, voice reverential.

Prae blushes, something Kongpob thinks she's not particularly wont to do, and looks at his mother from under her lashes. "Thank you, Mrs. Sutthilak. You're absolutely stunning."

"Oh, love," Kongpob's mother coos before releasing Prae. "You two do your thing, but keep the door open," she sends them a smirk, "and dinner will be ready in an hour or so. Sound good?"

The two teenagers nod before Kongpob, under the careful gaze of his mother now, takes Prae's hand in his and leads her up the stairs to his room. As soon as they're in his room, Kongpob on his bed, Prae at his desk, the two break into giggles.

"That was...." Prae pushes some hair out of her face as Kongpob nods.

"I have never seen her like that," Kongpob informs her, still quietly laughing.

Prae's eyes widen as her mouth opens in a silent guffaw.

Finally, they both glance to the door before Prae says: "She probably wants to come up here to find the door closed. Or at least both of us on your bed."

Kongpob shrugs, though a smile tugs at the corner of his lips. "I don't know. What's more important? Knowing I'm with a girl or not having a scandal."

Prae taps her chin. "I think you'd get a scandal either way."

Kongpob stares at the open doorway for another couple of seconds before giving a sound of agreement. "Yeah, you're probably right."

They sit in silence for a moment before Kongpob tells Prae to get comfortable and gets out his homework.

When Kongpob's mother comes upstairs to tell them dinner is ready—something she never does, ever—the two are still on opposite sides of the room, but their homework is abandoned in favor of Prae telling Kongpob about her friends, while Kongpob is telling her about this one kid in his math class who nearly got expelled because of a prank gone wrong.

It's hard to tell if she's pleased or not with what she's seeing. To make up for it, Prae and Kongpob walk extremely close to each other on their way to the dining room, and they sit even closer.

At dinner, Kongpob's father is business as usual, asking Prae about her studies and if she's had a good afternoon, to which she glances at Kongpob as she answers, "most definitely." Kongpob's mother clearly enjoys this.

Kongpob mentions he's now the president of the student council, and his mother can't seem to stop talking about how hard-working, disciplined, and dependable he is.

Once dinner is done, Kongpob's mother offers Prae some ice cream, to which she declines, saying dance has her on a strict diet at the moment, and her mother coos some more and tells her not to worry about that the next time she's here, but it's good that she's watching her figure, it's what a woman should do, and then after another few minutes filled by light chatter, Kongpob's father tells Kongpob to drive her home, offering the boy his keys.

Kongpob stares at them before accepting with a promise to get her home safe, and then he and Prae are running back upstairs to gather her things. They pause at the doorway of Kongpob's room, where Kongpob bites his lip before apologizing.

"About the weight thing," he clarifies upon her confused look before hesitating. "Well, no, about all of this in general. She's just really excited that I have a girl over, even if that's technically their doing."

Prae waves a hand. "Don't worry about it," she smiles, "and I'm sure you put up with them everyday. I can handle them for an hour."

"You really did," Kongpob agrees. "Well, too."

Prae's smile widens. "Thank you." She glances down the hall before looking back to Kongpob. "Ready?"

Kongpob stares at her for a second, thinking about how there's this beautiful girl in front of him, and how he's never going to like her the way his mom wants him to like her, before nodding. "Yeah."

❈ ❈ ❈

Arthit
how was the dinner??
12:37pm

You
I'm surprised you want to know
12:39pm

Arthit
don't tell me then
12:40pm

You
No, it went really well
Prae is better at this than I thought
12:41pm

Arthit
better at this?????
12:43pm

Arthit
i'm going to guess that you're busy and not avoiding the question
12:56pm

❈ ❈ ❈

"Arthit," Kongpob says upon seeing the elder at the entrance to the school Monday morning, "I'm sorry."

Arthit stares at him before sighing. "Either respond to my texts or stop apologizing to me." He chews his lower lip, studying the younger, before frowning. "So? She's better at what?"

Kongpob closes his eyes. "I should have not apologized." He opens them quickly when he hears the elder walking away, reaching out to grab his hand. "No, no, no! As in, I shouldn't have brought it up." He hesitates. "I mean, Prae would maybe tell you, but it's not my business. Well, I can say that, well, we don't like each other."

"As in you hate each other?" Arthit asks, brows drawn together. "Because I've seen you two at school together, and you guys seem cool."

"We're good actors," Kongpob says, though because his voice pitches at the end, it sounds like a question.

Arthit seems to take it as one, too, for he raises a brow and goes, "Uh-huh."

Kongpob looks around, but no one is there. He did arrive at school fairly early, which raises the question of why Arthit is here early, but he chooses to ignore it. "Look," he says, taking a step closer to the elder, still holding tightly to his hand, "can we talk after school? I'm going to bring Prae."

"She's cool with that?" Arthit asks, and Kongpob's brain replays Prae's words of being introduced to Arthit, Kongpob's Boyfriend.

Kongpob drops the elder's hand. "Yes."

Arthit brings his dropped hand to his chest, nodding once. "Okay, then." He points out a group of kids walking towards the school a few yards away to Kongpob before waving. "I'll see you then."

Kongpob waves back. "I'll see you, too."

When the gaggle of students arrive, Kongpob realizes May and Aim are in the group, along with a kid from his science class and a member of the student council. He doesn't remember their names at all. He greets them with a cheerful hello.

"Kong?" Aim asks, looking surprised. "I didn't know you're here already." He looks around before his eyes land back on Kongpob. "Why are you here all alone?"

"I...," Kongpob makes a vague motion towards the school, "I was going to the physics teacher about a question on my homework, but on the way here, I figured it out." He nods his head towards the kid he shares the class with. "We share that period, right?"

The kid, a lanky guy with a bowl cut and glasses, makes a noise of confirmation. "Yeah. I'm Oak."

Kongpob nods. "Kongpob, though I guess Aim gave that away."

Oak smiles. "Yeah. I didn't know you guys were friends."

"Likewise," Kongpob responds, as Aim starts talking about how he met Oak at a video game convention in the summer. Eventually, this dissolves into Aim and Oak reliving their summer memories, both sighing and whining.

Kongpob turns to the other student council member. "It's... Dew?"

The other guy laughs and shakes his head. "Tew. Close, though."

Kongpob gives an apologetic smile. "My bad. You're the representative for our class, right?"

Tew nods, so Kongpob asks him about the agenda for the meeting after school on Tuesday.

They stay near the gate, just talking, for another couple of minutes, before they finally start to walk. Kongpob finds himself walking next to May. She offers him a smile when he turns to her.

"Hey," he says. "Feels like we haven't talked in awhile."

May tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, nodding. "Yeah. We only really see each other at lunch, don't we?"

Kongpob nods, too, before hesitating. "Actually, I think we have the same fifth period."

May frowns before brightening. "I know what you're talking about." She laughs. "I can't believe I never noticed you."

They talk some more, an easy back-and-forth in which May would say something and Kongpob would springboard off of that. Eventually, they reach the school, all splitting up except for Kongpob and Aim, all on their way to first period.

"Hey, Kongpob," Aim whispers once they're in their desks.

Kongpob glances over at him.

Aim looks nervous, and that automatically puts Kongpob on edge. He tries his best to shove it down as Aim continues: "You're still hanging out with Arthit?"

Kongpob's brow furrows, already not liking where this is going. "Yes. I am. Why?"

"I just," Aim frowns, lips pressed together tightly, "the rumors."

It takes Kongpob much of his willpower not to roll his eyes. "I almost forgot about those," Kongpob says. He taps his pencil to his chin. "Well, I still won the vote for president. I'm still fairly popular. I haven't had any hecklers go after me." He sends his friend a flat look. "I don't know what you want me to do." When Aim opens his mouth, he finishes: "I'm not going to stop hanging out with Arthit."

Aim sighs, the fight clearly still in him, just not being expressed.

Kongpob decides to add: "They think I'm dating Prae. And I'm not, but we're definitely close." He looks towards the door, the hallway appearing to be empty through the small window in it. "We'll probably end up going out before the year is over, anyway. She's cute, and we're probably going to be married, anyway."

Only this seems to settle his friend's fears, but Kongpob still notices the glances Aim sends him when he thinks the other isn't looking.

After school, Kongpob picks Prae up from dance practice, something that went from once a week to nearly every day after school. May is there, too, and she explains that Maprang stayed behind with the cheer coach to discuss a possible routine. "Why are you here?" she asks when she's done.

It's then that the door to the dance hall opens, and Prae steps out, hair in its classic curled style, makeup appearing fresh, and smelling faintly of vanilla. Kongpob motions to her, smiling at May. "Going on a date."

May's eyes are wide as she turns to Prae. "Oh, you got together?"

Prae had been looking at Kongpob, but at May's question, she gives a cheerful smile. "Yeah. I thought we were going to keep it secret, but...," she lets out a breath, though the smile is still on her face, "I guess not!"

She loops her arm through Kongpob's and the two of them begin to walk off. When Kongpob glances back, May is staring at the floor, an unreadable expression on her face.

"You've gotten better," Prae notes. "I'm shocked."

Kongpob huffs. "We'll have to keep it up." He thinks about how he told Aim he and Prae aren't actually together.

Prae hits his arm. "Yeah, right. We spend a lot of time together, Kongpob. A lot. All we have to do is say we go on dates."

"What if they want us to...?" Kongpob trails off. It wouldn't be his first kiss, but the idea of kissing Prae, who's like his sister, is a very unattractive thought.

Prae seems to find it gross, too, for she wrinkles her nose. "I'll get us out of that situation. Don't worry."

Kongpob tilts his head. "If you say so."

Arthit isn't by the gate this time. Instead, he's sitting in a stairwell in the 200 halls. Kongpob gives him an odd look when they arrive, but Arthit just waves and says, "You got my text."

Kongpob holds up his phone, Prae releasing his arm from hers. "I did."

Arthit's eyes had followed the movement of Prae's arm, but now they land on Kongpob, dark and deep. "Cool. Just like the text I sent on Saturday."

Prae looks to Kongpob, questions in her eyes.

Kongpob sighs. "I was texting him about the dinner, and I said you're better at this than I thought, and Arthit asked what I meant, but I didn't answer."

"Weak," Prae says, taking a seat next to Arthit on the second step, though she leaves a considerable (Kongpob-sized) gap between them.

Kongpob stares down at them for a second before he, too, takes a seat in the space Prae provided. "But now he wants an explanation." He looks at Arthit. "She also wanted to be introduced to you, too."

"Me?" Arthit asks, looking across Kongpob and over to Prae. "Why?"

Prae's about to respond with the answer she gave Kongpob, he's sure, so instead he says, "Because she's my friend, and she wants to know everyone I associate with."

It's clear Arthit doesn't believe him, but he doesn't say anything.

Kongpob sighs, crossing his arms over his knees. "So, yeah, I wanted Prae to be the one to tell you what I meant, even though thinking about it now, I could've just given the partial truth."

"The partial truth?" Arthit asks, and Kongpob knows he said the wrong thing.

"But I'm giving you the full truth now!" Kongpob says, motioning to Prae. "I told him about the dinner, and when I said this, I meant acting."

"So he knows you’re...," Prae points to him.

Kongpob nods. "He does."

"Jeez," Prae says before sighing, "I guess this will be what gets me, but," she waves to Arthit, "you gave me your number at those tutoring sessions, and I rejected you. I don't think you're ugly, though. I just don't like guys."

Silence falls, and Kongpob watches the way Arthit mouths don't like guys. And then his eyes grow wide. "Oh! Okay, well, uh...," his cheeks are red in that way Kongpob likes, and he takes in the elder's face as much as he can before Arthit is looking away. "Sorry for asking for your number like that, then."

"You didn't know," Prae says. "No one knows." She lets out a soft breath. "Only you and Kongpob." She straightens, though, before standing. "Well, I'm going to tell May that I cancelled our date because of reasons, and you guys can do whatever you guys do. I won't intrude on you anymore."

She pushes open the door leading to the outside, leaving Kongpob and Arthit to stare after her with round eyes.

As soon as she's gone, however, Kongpob is turning to Arthit. "So why are you in here?"

Arthit sighs, and the red that had been leaving his cheeks returns in full force. He mumbles something that Kongpob doesn't catch. "I'm sorry. What was that?"

"I said I sunburn really easily," Arthit murmurs audibly, though some of his words slur together.

Kongpob blinks before laughing, then pausing, then growing concerned. "You should've just asked me to bring sunscreen. Are you okay?" He reaches out a hand to gently cup the elder's shoulder, but Arthit shrugs him off.

"Hey," the elder reprimands. "Why do you care so suddenly?" He gives a harsh glare to the younger, but Kongpob only smiles.

"Am I not allowed to be concerned for you?" he asks.

Arthit splutters, ears red, too, now, and Kongpob's smile widens. Finally, Arthit takes a breath. "I don't know what's up with you, Kongpob, but you're walking a very dangerous line."

"It's worth it," Kongpob says, ready to deliver the killing blow with a grin, "if it's for you."

Arthit leaves only a few minutes after that, cheeks a furious red and muttering something about irritating juniors.

Kongpob sits, staring after his retreating figure, thoughts of him and Arthit, together, going through his head, until he stands and dusts off his knees, deciding it's time for him to go, too.

Chapter Text

He doesn't like doing it at school, the risk of getting caught high and the scent of smoke clinging to him for the remainder of the day gross, but when Kongpob's foot can't seem to stop tapping, and his fingers itch and curl around nothing, mindlessly drumming on the table, he's quick to tap Aim on the shoulder and nod his head to the door, telling him that he'll be back in a few.

There's a pack of cigarettes on the inside of his jacket pocket, a bad habit carried over from the summer, where he'd always slip them somewhere out of sight or, in case that wasn't an option, into his pocket where he'd just say the box is his wallet. Though he doesn't get the pack out often nor interact with it at all during the school day, having it there is a nice comfort, a quick getaway if everything becomes too much.

It's only the fourth week of school, but responsibilities are pounding on his door and time is moving too fast for him to catch up.

He's glad the library is upstairs, so he's quick to find the door that gives access to the roof. It's always unlocked during the school day, so he slips outside, making sure the door is shut securely behind him before he gets out the cigarettes, pulling one out and lighting it up. He's still in view of the windows from the hallway, so he takes the metal stairs that lead to the roof of the second floor.

The sky is blue, no cloud in sight, and the chirps of bugs is a calming sound, one that Kongpob gets lost in. He's so lost in his own mind that he doesn't hear the door open down below, nor the footsteps climbing the steps. His eyes snap open when a hand lands on his shoulder, afraid it'll be a teacher, though his fingers still hold tight onto the half-done cigarette.

It's not a teacher.

Kongpob relaxes, though only slightly. "Arthit," he says.

The elder is studying him through narrowed eyes, brows drawn together, a slight frown on his face. While it's not unattractive, it's definitely not a look Kongpob wants to see on his senior.

A matching frown begins to grow on the younger's face. "What?" he asks.

Arthit shakes his head. "You smoke?"

Kongpob looks down to the cigarette between his fingers before showing the elder the cigarette box in his jacket, a silent offering.

Instead of an acceptance, the frown on Arthit's face deepens. "Stop that. Your parents give you an allowance?"

Kongpob nods.

Arthit nods, too, staring out at the highway that leads to downtown. "Well, don't buy those anymore. Your parents give you that so you can learn how to use money, not give yourself cancer."

And then he's shaking his head and walking away, heading back down the stairs. Kongpob hears the door slam shut.

He looks down again at the cigarette between his fingers, thinking about taking another hit, before sighing and putting it out.

The student council meeting lasts long into the night, the three weeks spent campaigning losing them time, so they have a lot to go over in terms of getting started for the newer members and talking future plans.

By the time the meeting is done, that familiar feeling is back, leaving him to fiddle with the pencil in his hand as the last one to speak at the meeting begins to talk, and it takes all of his willpower not to bounce his knee or tap his foot.

As soon as the meeting is adjourned, he's ready to bolt out the door, hand already feeling for the pack, but then he overhears one of the younger kids mention the possibility of a drive for cancer patients, and his mind flashes back to Arthit's words, and though the yearning to just get up and have a smoke is still there, he fights it, throwing the pack of cigarettes away in a dumpster on his way home from school.

❈ ❈ ❈

Kongpob waits for Prae again after school. May is also there. This time with Maprang, however.

He smiles at the girls when he arrives, and they smile back, though May's doesn't seem as bright as usual. He chooses to be concerned if her smile is still like that in a week or so. And then Maprang is asking him how he's been and how he's been spending so much time in the library at lunch that she almost doesn't remember what he looks like, even though they share second period together, which she brushes off with a flap of her hand.

"So, Kongpob," she says, moving on, "Prae said you two are together?"

Kongpob's eyes widen, glancing briefly over to May. "She did?" he asks, thinking it'd be May to give it away.

Maprang laughs, flicking a piece of hair over her shoulder. "Not really. But I figured it out. You two are a bit obvious, you know."

"Really?" Kongpob asks. Suddenly, he doesn't quite remember how a tongue or lips or vocal cords work. "Well, darn." He snaps his fingers.

Maprang laughs again, hopefully taking his behavior as humorous disappointment. "Don't worry," she says, "your secret's safe with me." She winks, mouth opening in a smile as she does so.

Kongpob smiles, more out of politeness over anything else.

"But why are you two so weird about that?" May asks suddenly. "If you two are together like that, don't you want people to know?"

The smile that had been on his face dims some, and Kongpob fiddles with the strap of his backpack, attempting to form a response. He can't, and he's worried she'll just question him further, but Prae is there to save the day again when she opens the door to say, "I don't want anyone being particularly jealous." She pauses before smiling devilishly. "Of me or Kong."

"Kong?" Maprang repeats before letting out a cheeky ooh . "Nicknames?"

"Nothing too sweet," Prae says. "Don't get so ahead of yourself." She looks to Kongpob. "I forgot to mention they'll be tagging along. We're just going to that cafe a couple blocks away, right?"

Kongpob nods.

She nods, too. "Then they can sit at another table, and we can—"

The girl is cut off by Maprang shoving her, giving a hey as she does so. And then she pauses: "So why don't you two want people to know?"

Prae smiles disarmingly, and Kongpob stares blatantly at her as she answers. "It's not that we don't want people to know. It's just that our relationship is so grey. We're together because of prolonged exposure, and that's not an entirely healthy way to build a relationship, is it?" She shakes her head, beginning to walk down the hall, the rest of them following quickly. "It's not," she states. "So that's why. Because we have a relationship, but we're not sure of it yet."

Kongpob has no idea if what she said makes sense, but it's definitely an answer, so the other two girls accept it.

At the cafe, Prae is back to her "adoring girlfriend" mode. Though neither of her friends seem to sense a change, Kongpob can practically feel it like a shirt two sizes too small. She's always standing a bit too close, giggling a bit too loud, looking at him a bit too lovingly. He hates it, but he also knows he needs to act out his role, so he's every part the equally adoring boyfriend, brushing hair away from her face, holding her hand, smiling only at her. The barista coos, flipping around a sign that proclaims Couples discount! 10% off!

Of course, they take it.

Drinking their discounted drinks, they talk about school, and Prae talks about dance, and how she's working on a solo routine that she's super excited for, and Maprang talks about cheer, and May stares at Kongpob all the while, and he only notices when he turns to her to ask how her day's been.

"My day?" she asks, as if she can't quite believe he's addressing her.

He nods, though he turns away from her when Prae offers him a sip of her drink.

May begins to talk about her day, and if she's only speaking towards him, he can't tell.

Maprang and Prae end up discussing their respective routines, and when they leave, it's Maprang with Prae and Kongpob with May.

"Sorry, I don't think I was giving you my full attention back there," Kongpob says with a sheepish smile. "Prae's just...." He trails off with an embarrassed rub to the back of his neck, letting the girl fill in the rest of the sentence with whatever word she wants.

May nods. "I understand. She's really pretty, isn't she?" Kongpob notices she has a habit of tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Yeah," Kongpob agrees. He slides his hands into his pockets as May lets out a quiet breath. Kongpob frowns before bumping their hips together. "Hey," he begins, "are you alright? You seem kind of down today."

May's eyes widen as she looks over at him, her cheeks steadily turning a shade of pink. "No," she says. "I'm fine! Don't worry about me." Another piece of hair gets tucked behind her ear.

The frown doesn't fall from Kongpob's face, the boy growing more concerned instead. "Are you sure?" he asks. "You don't have to give me the details. I just want to know you're alright."

"I'm fine," May repeats. She smiles at him, soft.

Kongpob smiles back.

They walk the rest of the way in silence, May being the first to reach her neighborhood, leaving Kongpob to walk on his own.

❈ ❈ ❈

Kongpob finally sees Arthit with his friends. He's got a smile on his face, one that Kongpob has never seen before, and he's laughing, pointing at a guy with his hair in a quiff and a guy in glasses, the two of them putting on some type of dumbshow that only serves to make Arthit laugh harder. It's only an underclassman walking into him that makes Kongpob realize he's been staring.

He doesn't want to impose, but he also wants to meet the elder's friends.

They're out in the courtyard, the sunlight reflecting off of Arthit's hair and skin seeming to give him a soft glow. Kongpob is mesmerized. His feet carry him outside, walking over to the table the seniors sit at.

When he's approaching, the guy with a quiff makes a noise. "Who is this? Who is this? Do any of you know this junior?" He motions towards Kongpob.

The seniors all turn, and Kongpob notes with pleasant satisfaction the way Arthit's eyes widen with recognition and a small smile quickly flashes on his face. It's not particularly spectacular, he thinks the two of them have been friends for awhile, but the fact that Arthit seems to view him as a friend too is nice.

Kongpob gives a nod to his upperclassmen. "Hi," he greets. "I'm Kongpob."

Though Arthit recognizing him is to be expected, the way one of the elder's friends nod is a shock. "Knot," the other greets, waving. "You know, Arthit, here, has told us about you."

Kongpob's brows raise as he takes a seat at the table opposite of them. "Really?" he asks, as Arthit steadily turns red.

The guy with a quiff nods. "He has! Complained about this persistent junior who kept butting into his business."

"Hey, Bright!" Arthit scolds, but the other just laughs as the guy in glasses studies him with an expression on his face that could almost be described as predatory.

"Arthit," he asks, leaning over the table, one hand on his hip, the other flat on the tabletop, "why haven't you introduced this junior to us? Didn't you think we'd want to know him?"

"You just want to get into his pants, Toot," Arthit retorts, and Kongpob feels heat rise to his cheeks when the elder doesn't deny it.

"So, Kongpob," Bright says, "you're the one who's been talking to our Arthit after school everyday?" He sticks out his lips as he ahh s, then he hesitates. "Wait, aren't you a Sutthilak? Why are you talking to Arthit?"

"Hey!" Arthit snaps, only to be ignored by Bright.

Kongpob bites his lip. "Well, I think he's cool."

"You think he's cool?" the one senior who hasn't introduced himself yet asks. "Prem, by the way."

Kongpob nods, both in response to the guy's name and also to his question. "He also looks quite cute when he's all red."

"Kongpob!" Arthit glares.

Kongpob only sends a smile dripping honey in return.

The banter between the group continues, but Kongpob can feel the calculating eyes of Knot on him all the while, making him shift in his seat and stutter over words.

After the student council meeting ends, Kongpob sets out in search of Arthit and finds him in the same stairwell he had brought Prae to meet him in. "Hey," Kongpob says upon arrival, sitting next to the elder.

Arthit gives a nod back. "Hey." He sounds tired.

"Senioritis already?" Kongpob asks, joking, but Arthit doesn't laugh, so the smile is quick to fade from his face. "Hey," he repeats, "are you okay?"

Arthit doesn't respond for awhile, and Kongpob thinks about excusing himself and going, but then Arthit's head is rolling to the side, and he looks at Kongpob with dark eyes. "Why did you say that?"

Kongpob doesn't understand. He frowns. "Say what?"

"About me," Arthit clarifies. "At lunch, you called my cute."

"Well, yeah," Kongpob responds, "you are."

Arthit's cheeks flush, but he doesn't seem embarrassed about that. Instead, he just looks up to the ceiling. "You should be more careful."

"Arthit," Kongpob says, "we were the only ones out there."

"It doesn't matter," Arthit says. "If you get into a habit of saying things like that, what if you slip up in front of someone else? Your peers, classmates, your family."

The frown on Kongpob's face deepens. "I won't, though."

Arthit sighs. "It doesn't matter if you think you won't. You still might. And, furthermore," he gives a frustrated huff, "my—Kongpob, my friends don't actually know."

"Know...?"

Arthit glares at him. "That I'm bi."

Kongpob has to take a moment. "Wait," he says, "they don't?" He blinks before shaking his head, looking at the elder. "But that's a huge rumor, and—"

"And that's exactly that," Arthit cuts him off. "It's a rumor." He licks his lips. "What Bright said might've made it sound like they know, but he just knows about the rumor and thinks you wouldn't be willing to tarnish your shining reputation for me, someone older and graduating at the end of the year."

He knows that what the elder is saying is important, but Kongpob's never given much thought to the fact that Arthit's a senior, so his thoughts begin to revolve mostly around graduating at the end of the year .

After this, Kongpob might not see Arthit again, lest they somehow end up at the same college. But even then, they might be studying in different schools, or maybe their schedules will just never match up. Either way, the likelihood of seeing Arthit after the end of the school year is low.

The younger starts when he realizes Arthit has been staring at him. "What?" he asks.

"I said: be more careful with your words," Arthit repeats, slowly as if Kongpob is trying to read his lips versus hear him.

Kongpob nods. "I understand."

"What even got you so stuck in your thoughts?" the elder asks, leaning back on his elbows.

Kongpob sighs. "You're graduating at the end of the year."

Arthit's brow furrows. "Okay. And?"

Again, Kongpob gives a sigh. "So I probably won't see you again." He looks to the elder. "What college are you going to?"

Arthit moves away when Kongpob leans closer. "I—I don't know. Why?" He blinks, bottom lip sticking out some. "Don't tell me you're going to apply to the same university as me!"

Kongpob gives a small laugh, his smile reading you caught me .

Arthit stares at him before looking away with red cheeks and a small smile on his lips. "You're so weird." He sits back up. "Why does it even matter if you don't see me again?"

"What do you mean?" Kongpob asks, guts clenching up. "Aren't we friends?" His eyebrows draw together as he rethinks their month-long history.

Arthit chews on his lip before shrugging. "I always thought of us as something similar to acquaintances. I amuse you, so you spend time with me. I'm too lazy to tell you to go away."

His words are a harsh contrast to his expression at lunch, and they're enough to make Kongpob's ears and neck heat with shame. How stupid of him to think they were actually friends . He grabs his bag. "Oh," he says, and he hates the way his voice cracks. "Okay. Well," he stands, "I have to go."

Arthit frowns, eyes on Kongpob as he slings his backpack over his shoulder. "You do? Seems a little early, doesn't it?"

Kongpob looks away, staring at the ground instead. "Yeah. I have to run some errands for my mom."

Arthit remains silent.

It's as Kongpob is pushing open the door that Arthit says, "I'll see you tomorrow."

Kongpob doesn't look at him as he replies. "Yeah."

❈ ❈ ❈

Kongpob begins to head towards the stairwell when he remembers the elder's words, remembers acquaintances . He goes to the library instead.

❈ ❈ ❈

For the rest of the week, Arthit doesn't try to talk to him once.

Kongpob thinks that says a lot about where they stand. He's glad he found out semi-fairly on.

Prae seems to think otherwise. "If you like him so much," she asks when they finally go on a date that's just the two of them, though with the way they are, it's more of an over-priced meal split between friends, "then why don't you tell him how you feel?"

"Yes," Kongpob replies flatly, shoving a meatball into his mouth and chewing just a bit too aggressively, "'after a week of not talking, let me tell you how much I like you and want to go out with you. Hope you don't mind!' Because that'll go so well."

The girl across from him frowns. "Don't be stupid, Kong. I didn't mean it like that. Just tell him that you thought you two are friends, and if he's still not okay with it, then stop talking to him."

Kongpob sighs, leaning his cheek on his palm, pushing his food around with his chopsticks. "I guess. But I just... shouldn't he know? I told him that I want to know his friends because we're friends, or something like that. It seems obvious enough, doesn't it?"

Prae puts a meatball on his plate. "I guess, but guys are dumb." She smiles apologetically at him. "Sorry."

Kongpob waves a hand. "It's fine." He flattens out his expression. "It's true."

The other sends him a sympathetic smile. "For now," she says, "just enjoy the moment. Let's get ice cream after this."

Kongpob agrees, and their bill continues to go up.

❈ ❈ ❈

Arthit
are you okay??
4:13pm

❈ ❈ ❈

Arthit
glad to know you're fine
9:20am

❈ ❈ ❈

Arthit is typing on his phone when Kongpob approaches him and says, "We need to talk."

His own phone vibrates in his back pocket as Arthit slips his into his jacket. Kongpob pulls out the device.

Arthit
thought you were different, but guess not
1:48pm

Kongpob puts his phone back in his pocket, face revealing no emotions. He grabs Arthit by the arm, dragging him into the boys' restroom.

"Hey!" Arthit cries when Kongpob forces him up against the wall. "What if someone sees us?"

Kongpob motions to the rest of the bathroom. "I don't see anyone else here."

Arthit waves a hand towards the stalls. "What about those?"

Kongpob keeps a tight grip on the elder's wrist as he kicks open every single stall door to reveal them empty.

When he turns back around to release Arthit's wrist, the elder brings his hand up to his chest, his other hand rubbing soothingly at the red ring around his wrist, caused by Kongpob's grip. His expression is disgruntled. "What's gotten into you?" he asks.

Kongpob hates losing his cool. He hates it with a passion, but Arthit makes him do stupid things like throw away a perfectly fine pack of cigarettes he had bought on impulse from the gas station or drag him into the boys' bathroom and kick open stall doors. He lets out a rough breath, trying to regain his bearings. When he deems himself composed enough, he meets the elder's eyes.

"I thought," he begins, "that we were friends."

Arthit stares at him, brows furrowed, before shaking his head. "That's what this is about? Me saying we're not friends?"

Kongpob takes a step back, arms crossing defensively over his chest. "Yes," he says, "it is." He gets out his phone. "And I don't appreciate this ." He opens the text, reading it aloud. "You thought I was different? But I'm not? Arthit, this is—," he cuts himself off, shaking his head. "It... it really hurt my feelings, okay?"

The elder doesn't say anything for a long while. The bell has long since rung, and they're both going to be written up for being late, but Kongpob doesn't care. At the moment, Arthit is the only thing that matters.

"I," the senior begins, "I didn't realize you feel that way."

"Yeah?" Kongpob asks, arms still crossed over his chest. "Well, now you do." He hesitates before continuing: "I don't want an apology if you don't mean it, but you must get it, right? You're the first person I've ever come out to; you're one of the only people I can be myself with; you know about the truth when it comes to Prae and me. Yet you still doubted me." He chews on his lower lip as Arthit reaches out to him before changing his mind and dropping his hand.

Kongpob frowns.

Arthit begins: "Well, I'm going to say sorry because I do mean it. I just... I wasn't thinking, and...," his cheeks take on that pink hue that still sends Kongpob's heart fluttering, even if he's mad at the other, "I have been asked out by a guy before. It happened a couple years and some ago, and it's what started the rumor that I like guys. They figured because I was blushing so much, I must like him." He points to his cheeks. "That's not really true." He looks away. "It was humiliating for both parties involved, but it stayed with me the longest." He gives a tight smile. "As you can tell."

Kongpob studies him carefully for a second, taking in his red cheeks, his dark eyes, his pink lips, his straight nose. He's so weak to this man. "I'm sorry."

Arthit gives a laugh. "What are you sorry for?" he asks. "I'm the one who should be apologizing. I'll try to be more careful with my words in the future."

Kongpob nods. "And I'll try to be more open in the future."

"Hey," the elder says, "you're plenty open. It's me who should be more honest. What you should do is tell me how you feel."

He knows Arthit means that Kongpob should tell him when something he says hurts him, but his face heats, anyway, thinking about confessing to Arthit. He's not going to, though.

They're only just now confirmed-friends, anyway. He should wait.

❈ ❈ ❈

Kongpob texts Arthit that he's going to the library after school this time, and the elder sends an easy ok! , making a smile bloom on the younger's face. When he arrives, May is there. He smiles upon seeing her, giving her a nod of acknowledgement. She waves back with a smile. He returns his book before moving to stand next to her.

"Where's Prae?" she asks, waiting for the librarian to type in her ID number.

Kongpob shrugs. "Not sure. We don't have anything planned. We're both pretty tired, honestly."

"Of each other?" May asks, looking shocked.

Kongpob laughs. "No," he replies, "from school and our parents. They want us to do everything together, but we both think that'd be bad for our relationship."

"Oh," May hums, nodding. "Yeah. It's good to have your own space."

Kongpob nods too before turning to her. "So how has your life been? You weren't there at lunch today."

"You noticed?" May questions, the hair-tuck habit making its appearance.

Kongpob tilts his head. "Why wouldn't I? Was I not supposed to?"

May shakes her head quickly, waving a hand. "No! Of course not. I just wasn't expecting that."

"You're nice to talk to," Kongpob replies.

"You too," May says, thanking the librarian when she gets her ID back. "So what are you doing here? Did you just come to return your book?"

Kongpob nods. "I did. But I'll probably check out another one. Have any recommendations?"

May thinks for a second before making a sound of confirmation. "But I can't guarantee you'll like it."

"That's okay," Kongpob responds. "I probably will like it, anyway."

She starts telling him about a book the book club had read during her freshman year that she really enjoyed; he listens with rapt attention and lets her lead him to the book, where he reads the blurb and says he thinks he'll like it. He likes the way her eyes sparkle at his words, and he thinks maybe he should tell her things like that more often, but deep down, he knows to do so would only hurt her in the end.

He leaves the library with a smile and a wave, May giving a cheery nod back.

❈ ❈ ❈

He should have known his parents would find out about him skipping seventh period on Tuesday. At first, he was just going to be late, but then he remembered Arthit has seventh period off, sticking at school for reasons Kongpob doesn't know and Arthit won't say. But then Arthit asked him how his weekend went, and Kongpob told him, then asked Arthit how his weekend went, and Arthit told him, and then Kongpob asked more questions, and Arthit gave more answers, and they hung out (embarrassingly) in the boys' restroom until the final bell rang and an acne-ridden boy walked into the bathroom, giving them odd looks, especially at the way the two were standing a bit too close for usual comfort.

Nothing had actually happened, but Arthit still gave him a stern look when he too realized how close they were standing.

Either way, it's now Friday, and Kongpob arrives home to his mother asking why the school just called to tell her that Kongpob has been marked absent for one of his class periods this week.

"We had a sub that day," he finds himself saying. "I think they forgot to take roll." The words flow easily off his tongue.

His mother still lectures him about the importance of school and how he should never be truant or—God forbid—sick, and Kongpob nods and mhmm s and agrees enthusiastically with her words.

He just won't let Arthit take over his focus like that again. Easy.

❈ ❈ ❈

It is not easy.

By now, he's admitted that he's head over heels for the elder. To the junior, Arthit is entirely captivating, a bright sun in a sky devoid of light, and Kongpob wants nothing more than to bask in him. Every time their talks come to a close, Kongpob wants to ask another question, give a longer answer, find another topic of conversation.

Sometimes, their talks are a push-and-pull that the younger knows drives the elder up the wall, but if they really bothered Arthit, he'd tell Kongpob or stop talking to the younger altogether. Every word exchanged between them sets Kongpob alight, and he wants to exchange words with the elder forever.

His mother didn't tell his father about his absence, but Kongpob knows he can't get away with a lie forever.

He doesn't like lying, anyway.

So he lets the conversations end, hangs out with his other friends, tries not to stop and chat every time he sees the elder. He doesn't miss class again, but Arthit's gravitational pull on him doesn't go away either. That's okay, though. He can handle both.

❈ ❈ ❈

He doesn't expect his father to ask him how his "dates" with Prae are going.

He most certainly doesn't expect the man to ask him if he's kissed her yet.

"I'm sorry," he begins when his father stares at him expectantly. "Have I what?"

"Kissed her," he replies evenly. "I know how young teenagers are. Your mother and I, we were quite young once, you know. Always together."

Kongpob stares down at his plate.

"Look at me when I'm speaking," his father says.

Kongpob looks up from his plate.

"So have you?" he asks again. "Don't be embarrassed about it. It's good to stake claim on a girl."

That's just gross. Kongpob doesn't say that, however, and instead says, "Not yet."

His mother had been in the kitchen, but when he answers, she's walking into the dining room.

"Not yet what?" she asks.

"Kissed Praepailin," Kongpob's father responds.

Immediately, his mother has her hands on her hips. "What do you mean he hasn't kissed her yet? They've been on how many dates?"

Kongpob tries to keep his eyes on his parents, but he wants to look at anything but them. "We've been on five," he replies, voice small.

"Five?" his mother repeats. "You're supposed to have kissed her on the second date!" She bops him on the head. "Our future relies on your relationship with her, you know. Don't let her think you don't want her!"

He doesn't want her, and she knows. She doesn't want him, and he knows.

"Okay," he says.

"Good," his mother responds. "Then the next time she comes over, I want it."

"What?" Kongpob asks, heart pounding, fearing the answer.

"Want the kiss," she says. "I want you kissing her in the doorway when her father comes to pick her up. A good movie kiss."

He's pretty sure normal parents don't demand good movie kisses between their child and their significant other, though Prae is no more significant to him than a sibling, especially when it comes to her relation to him. Either way, he nods, and his mother is promised that 'good movie kiss' she so dearly wants.

"It's what every girl wants," his mother says.

His bad. That 'good movie kiss' every girl so dearly wants.

❈ ❈ ❈

"No," Prae says. "I'm not kissing you."

"I don't want to kiss you either," Kongpob says, "but we have to. My mom is probably going to want a picture of us, lips-locked, anyway."

"Gross," Prae scrunches her nose up, "no way."

"We don't get much of a choice," he says.

"Don't care."

"I do."

"Only because it's your mom."

"Then pretend your mom is my mom."

"You did not just tell me that," Prae laughs, though the sound is more of a scoff. "Do you realize how gross that is?"

Kongpob refrains from slamming his head into his locker. "Prae, please. My mom wants a kiss, so she's getting her damn kiss."

"Fuck no," Prae says, the first time Kongpob’s heard her really swear. "I haven't kissed anyone, and I don't want my first kiss to be taken by some boy who only does what his mother asks of him."

"I don't only do what my mother asks of me!" Kongpob argues. "I'm my own person, and I don't need her telling me what to do!"

"Then don't kiss me!" Prae shouts. She slams her fist into a locker before pointing at the taller. "Don't kiss me, and just—just," her brows draw together, eyes flashing angrily, finger pressing into Kongpob's sternum, "I don't want to talk to you!"

"Then don't!" Kongpob shouts as she turns and walks away. "Don't and have fun getting yelled at by your parents!"

"I'll have a great time telling them how you tried to assault me!" she shouts back, lifting a hand to flip him off.

Kongpob returns the gesture before turning and storming off in the opposite direction, thoughts a whirlwind in his head and utter betrayal leaving a dagger in his back.

When he leaves the school, he sees the lone figure by the entrance, and he's quick to rush over to it.

"Arthit," he greets, immediately going to rest his head on the other's shoulder.

The elder moves away before he can get comfortable, however. "What? You're burning up."

"Had a fight with Prae," he explains, trying to get the other to stay still so he can lean on him. Arthit refuses to let him, however, always stepping away. Finally, he grabs the other's arm. "Please," he whispers roughly. "My head hurts so much and school is too much and my mom is too much and I really hate them sometimes."

"Your parents?" Arthit asks.

Kongpob nods, forehead rubbing against the elder's shirt.

"Why? They love you; don't give them hate in return."

"Why?" Kongpob repeats. "They keep setting me up with girls I'll never love, forcing me into roles I never want to do, making me attend galas I never want to go to. They only expect the best, and if I do so much as breathe in the wrong way, they'll scold me and tell me to correct myself or else."

"What is the 'or else'?" Arthit asks quietly, finally giving in and allowing Kongpob to press in tighter to his side.

Kongpob closes his eyes. The 'or else' only happened once, and he's sure it'll never happen again, not know, but he'll never forget it. His father's belt left a permanent scar on his mind, and his mother's inaction left a knife in his heart that he'll never pull free, cringing every time he moves.

"Doesn't matter," he finally says. "It's just bad. It's not like I let things get to that, anyway."

Arthit sighs, and a warm hand splays across his back. Kongpob attempts to sink further into Arthit's side.

"My head is screaming at me about your reputation," Arthit whispers.

"Fuck my reputation," Kongpob replies.

"You're going to regret that later." His hand begins to rub up and down Kongpob's back.

"I don't care."

❈ ❈ ❈

Prae
hey, can we talk?
8:59am

Prae
i'm sorry i overreacted but i want to tell you in person
9:33am

You
Fine
9:35am

They meet at the mall. Prae's got on a pretty dress and leggings, and Kongpob is wearing a cardigan and khakis. He wonders how they look to others when they see each other, and Prae is immediately moving to hug him. Though he's not sure if he should, he hugs her back, and when they part, he sees nothing but remorse in her eyes.

"I already said this," she begins, "but I overreacted. I know what it's like trying to please parents; I do the same. I shouldn't have said what I said, and I know it's too late to take it back, and I did mean it, but part of it was me getting angry at myself."

Kongpob frowns, leading her to a small cafe a couple stores down. "Why?"

Prae doesn't look at him when she replies: "I should be fine having to act. And one of the things actors do is kiss people they don't like and look in love with people they aren't in love with, but I can't do that."

"You can look plenty in love with me," Kongpob replies.

"But I can't kiss you, and maybe I should suck it up and stop being such a girl about it, but I really do want my first kiss to be special. And not special in the way your mom wants it to be." She gives him a sad smile, lacing their fingers together.

Kongpob nods. "No. I get it." He moves closer to say lowly to her: "My first kiss was with a person of the gender I like, but not at all with a person of the personality I like."

Prae looks at him, eyes wide. "What happened?"

Kongpob shrugs a shoulder. "It was at one of those charity dinners. Aim and I snuck away to go to some party at the next house over, and I ended up kissing this guy in the bathroom."

"No way," Prae says, free hand flying to her mouth. "How old were you?"

"Fifteen? I don't know."

Prae squeezes his hand.

He squeezes back.

When they arrive at the cafe, it's like a repeat of their first "date," both of them ordering, then Kongpob paying while Prae goes to choose a table somewhere in the back. As soon as Kongpob reaches the table, Prae pulls him down to sit next to her on the booth side.

"I know it wasn't particularly enjoyable for you," she begins, "but what was it like, your first kiss?"

Kongpob hums, elbows resting on the table, chin in his hands. "Well, his lips were kind of chapped, he tasted like alcohol, and I actually went to the bathroom because I had to pee, not because I was looking for a hookup, so I kind of wanted it to just be over and done with."

Prae stares at him with wide eyes before a laugh falls from her lips. She covers her mouth with her hand, though she still guffaws loudly. "Kongpob Sutthilak!" she cries. "I cannot believe you!" She shakes her head, holding onto his bicep. "That was not your first kiss."

"It was," Kongpob says, lips turning downwards. "There's no way it wasn't."

"No," Prae shakes her head, "that wasn't. Your first kiss has to be good. That sounded like a mess."

Kongpob shrugs. "It wasn't that bad. And," his brows furrow, "if you think first kisses like that don't count, then why are you so against us kissing?"

Prae shifts uncomfortably in her seat. "That's different."

Kongpob wants to argue more, but then he remembers how Friday ended, and instead leans back in his seat. After he had calmed down, Arthit asked for a retelling of what exactly happened, and Kongpob explained, and at Arthit's look, he rethought his words, more specifically what he said to Prae, and wow , he was an idiot. Kongpob threads his fingers together. "I'm sorry, too," he says, making Prae look over at him, her fingers lacing together on the table, an imitation of his own. Kongpob swallows and continues: "Even if what you think differs from what you say, even if you feel differently, even if whatever, I shouldn't have tried to pressure you or guilt you into kissing me just to please my mom." He looks to the table. "That was a really stupid move on my part. So... I'm sorry." He looks at her.

She opens her mouth to respond, but then a worker is bringing their drinks over to them, and they fall silent.

❈ ❈ ❈

They agree Kongpob's mother will just have to be disappointed.

When they arrive to Kongpob's house, the boy's mother greets Prae with kisses on cheeks and an eager yet warning smile to Kongpob. He doesn't know what the consequences of not kissing her will be (another or else ?), but he's willing to deal with them all. His phone buzzes with a good luck text from Arthit, and a grin spreads across Kongpob's lips. His mother looks disappointed when she realizes the smile appeared because of his phone, not the girl next to him.

Kongpob gives an apologetic expression in return.

At dinner, his parents talk about their past and his mother can only talk about kisses, those shared with boys in hallways, boys in doorways, shared with Kongpob's father in hallways, Kongpob's father in doorways. Kongpob and Prae send each other uncomfortable looks as his mother seems to get a little too stuck in the past.

When their house phone starts to ring with a call from Prae's father saying he’ll arrive in a few, Kongpob's mother gives a giddy gasp and giggles, rushing over to the door to unlock it. Not that Kongpob has any experience with girls or perfect movie kisses, but he's pretty sure this isn't how one would end up happening. It's too forced, too unnatural.

Either way, the two teenagers follow Kongpob's mother's routine, letting her lead them to the door, a smile on her face all the while. They let her take a few excited steps back, pull out her phone. Perfect photographic evidence of Kongpob kissing who he should be kissing.

They see Prae's father's car coming down the street, and Kongpob and Prae share a look, Kongpob feeling like he's being sentenced to death, or perhaps he's already been sentenced, and this is him staring at the guillotine. The car is only getting closer, so, hesitating only a little, Kongpob brings a hand up to rest on Prae's shoulder, and she places a hand on his chest, and his other hand goes to her waist, and they stare into each other's eyes, honey on mocha, and they shuffle a little closer, and Kongpob swears he hears his mother hiss a yes , and then he's pulling the girl into a hug, and Prae gives a soft noise, nose tickling Kongpob's neck as she wraps her arms around him, the two in an embrace.

Kongpob hears his mother's footsteps, the way she silently turns and walks away. He releases Prae. His mother is no longer in the room.

"I'm sorry," Prae whispers.

"It's okay." His voice is low.

They stare at each other before Prae's father pulls up. Prae goes ahead and gives Kongpob another hug, this time more one of silent solidarity. Another whispered sorry goes into his ear and then a good luck . Kongpob sees her off with a sad smile and timid wave.

❈ ❈ ❈

"So how'd it go?" Arthit asks after school on Monday when Kongpob tells him about the hug.

Kongpob gives a half-hearted shrug. "My mom didn't talk to me all weekend. My dad did but only because he had things for me to do."

Arthit makes a sympathetic noise, hand coming up to rub Kongpob's shoulder. "She'll come around," he says. "Tell her that Prae just isn't ready. You and her already talked about kisses awhile ago, or something."

Kongpob huffs in frustration. "I don't know if that'll work. My mom won't accept that."

"Have Prae tell her, then," Arthit says.

"I really, really value your opinions and advice," Kongpob replies, "but please, please stop giving me your opinions and advice."

Arthit falls silent quickly, and Kongpob is scared that the elder is angry with him, but when he turns, Arthit is just studying him, eyes dark and unreadable. Kongpob stares back and wonders what emotion is shown in his own eyes or if they, like Arthit's, can't be read at all.

The two stay staring at each other, though Arthit's staring is done with a purpose. Kongpob, at this point, just likes looking at the elder.

Finally, Arthit turns away. "Sorry," he murmurs.

"It's okay," Kongpob replies. "Sorry I snapped at you."

Arthit shrugs. "That's fine, too. You're stressed. You're allowed to be stressed."

"So are you," Kongpob says.

Arthit sends him a confused look.

Kongpob clarifies: "I feel like I'm always coming to you with my problems. I'm just saying it goes both ways. If you're feeling unwell, please tell me, Arthit."

The elder looks away from him before nodding. "Maybe."

It's not a yes , but Kongpob accepts it as one, anyway.

❈ ❈ ❈

He's walking down the hallway with May again, both heading to the library.

"Is this our thing, then?" Kongpob had asked jokingly after they exited the cafeteria, Kongpob saying he planned to go to the library and May joining him.

May laughs and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, as per usual. "I guess it is. I never thought about that."

Kongpob smiles, and the two make light conversation before Kongpob pauses. "Oh, yeah, the book you recommended to me." He pulls it out of the bag to hold it up. "It was good. I'll admit, it's not my favorite, but I did enjoy it, contrary to what you believed would happen."

Again, May laughs, giving him a light shove. "I just didn't want to set your expectations too high," she says. "If I did that, you'd for sure not like the book!"

Kongpob takes a moment to think, tapping his chin with his finger. "I suppose you're right about that." He shakes his head. "Fine, then. I understand your reasons." They get to the library and he turns in the book, heading over to a different section.

May follows him, sticking closely to his side when he goes down a particularly thin aisle. "What are you looking for?" she asks.

Kongpob glances back at her before smiling, thinking about the text he got from Arthit that recommended the book he's looking for. "Just a book a friend told me about."

"You like recommendations, don't you?" May asks, sounding as if she has him all figured out.

Kongpob sends her a sly smile. "What makes you say that?" She laughs as he stops in front of a shelf. He pulls the book off, and May's eyes widen when she sees the cover. Kongpob frowns, brows drawing together. "What?" he asks.

"Nothing," May says. "It's just, well...." Hair tuck. "This was a book we read when I was a freshman. But no one talked about it because the person who suggested it for book club was recommended it by...," she flushes, looking away, "by that senior, Arthit."

Kongpob stares at her for a moment, taking in what she said, before shaking his head. "What do you mean, 'no one talked about it because it was recommended by Arthit'?"

May doesn't look at him as she says: "We figured we couldn't relate to it as well since it was recommended by a... you know. So a lot of the members didn't read it." She looks down at the cover, the book still being held by Kongpob. "I did, but I didn't tell anyone. I thought it was actually kind of good, even if we were right in thinking it's not very relatable."

"Why isn't it relatable?" Kongpob asks. He flips it over, reading the blurb, but it seems normal.

"I mean," May shakes her head, "it wasn't relatable for me . Just because it's about a guy and stuff."

Kongpob stares down at the book in his hands before shrugging. He knows there's something May isn't telling him, but he'll get to that when he gets to it. "Well," he says, "I'm a guy, so maybe I'll find it relatable and whatnot." He tucks it under his arm, heading back up to the front of the library. When May doesn't follow him, he stops, turns around, sees her staring at where the book was on the shelf. He tilts his head. "Well?" he asks. "Are you coming?"

May turns to look at him before realizing he's started to leave. She nods. "Yeah. Of course, my bad."

Kongpob gives a shrug. "Don't worry about it. Let's go."

❈ ❈ ❈

You
I read the book
10:23am

You
You're probably still asleep aren't you?
Text me when you wake up :)
10:50am

His morning is spent eating a humble bowl of cereal alone at the large dining room table. He can hear his father click-clacking away at his desk in his office, sorting and working through pages upon pages of transfers, expenses, and other transactions.

Kongpob swallows his last spoon of cereal, staring down blankly into the milky porcelain of his empty bowl.

It's been more than a week now, and his mother still hasn't spoken to him.

Just then, out of the corner of his eye, he sees deep blue fabrics. Kongpob looks up at his mother, who's standing by the edge of the table. Her hands come up to rest atop the table, nails clicking on the wood. Kongpob stares at the rings on her fingers.

He hears her let out a breath, and he thinks she might actually say something to him, but then she sighs, and her hands disappear from the table, the sound of her footsteps softening as she moves farther away.

Kongpob gives a quiet exhale before standing and taking his bowl to the sink, where he rinses it before slipping it into the dishwasher. His father still types away in his office.

It's a few minutes after he finishes lunch that Kongpob gets a reply from Arthit, saying that he's awake and that he's glad Kongpob finished the book and that he wants to know what the younger thought about it.

His mother never comes upstairs, and his father left to go have a late lunch meeting with the heads of a couple of companies he wants to talk contracts with, so Kongpob thinks it's safe to give the elder a call.

"I really enjoyed it," Kongpob says in lieu of 'hello.' Arthit makes a small noise before Kongpob hears some shifting and the elder releasing a breath.

"Really?" Arthit finally asks.

Kongpob nods, though the other can't see him. "I thought the style was interesting, and the resolution was good, too."

There's a pause, and then Arthit says, "Me too."

Kongpob then remembers what May told him in the library. "Hey," he begins, "I actually was with a friend when I checked this book out, and she kind of said something interesting." He waits for the other to say something, but Arthit is silent, the only sound being his breathing. Kongpob continues: "She said that you recommended this book to someone? They were in the book club. I don't know if they still are, but, you know."

Arthit still doesn't respond, and for a second, Kongpob thinks the elder's fallen asleep again, but then Arthit says, "It was Prem. He used to read a lot, but he doesn't really anymore."

"That's too bad."

"I guess," Arthit replies, "but after that rumor came out about me, he started to get really defensive about things, and he'd get into a lot of fights. I guess he didn't like the people there, or something."

"They aren't all bad," Kongpob says, feeling defensive over May, who's really nice as far as he's aware.

"I'm sure they aren't," Arthit agrees, "but Prem says he doesn't care."

The two sit in silence before Arthit asks, "So what was your favorite part?"

Chapter Text

The student council meeting goes without a hitch, though someone mentioned socials, so now all the seniors and juniors are hanging back, talking about prom.

Kongpob doesn't have much to add to the discussion. It's going to take place sometime in May, that's all he knows. Some of the girls are talking about dresses and their boyfriends and who might ask who and how they'll ask, while the guys are talking about what drinks to bring and how big of a hotel room they'll need. Then someone complains about the gym being the location and how crappy that is, and Kongpob thinks about Prem being in the book club but having to leave because people can't even read a book suggested by a guy who is only suspected to like guys, and he's thinking about how stupid it is that people care more about the colors of the decorations and the possible DJ instead of the fact that kids are being beaten for crimes they didn't commit or how half of the bathrooms don't have toilet paper or how the other day Kongpob's pretty sure he saw a (used) condom in the guys' restroom in the freshmen-heavy wing of the school.

He's so caught up in his thoughts that he doesn't realize someone has been calling his name. It takes him a second to register that it's Tew. He blinks as Tew says, "What do you think about prom?"

Kongpob stares blankly at him for a second before shrugging. "I mean, we're juniors, right? Does this one really matter?" He knows, as president, he probably shouldn't say that, but Tew doesn't seem to mind, instead actually considering his words.

Finally, he replies. "Maybe it doesn't matter, per se, but I think juniors go through the most, so it's a good way to unwind. Meanwhile, when you're a senior, prom is more of a way to celebrate leaving behind high school, you know?"

Kongpob takes a moment to think it over, and he thinks he gets what the other means. As the school year has progressed, he's only spent more and more time with Arthit after school, not doing his homework, so there have been days where he doesn't go to bed until two or three in the morning. Eventually, he begins to nod. "I see what you mean." Tew smiles, and Kongpob tilts his head. "So are you going to take anyone?"

Tew thinks for a second before shrugging. "Probably not. I was just going to go by myself and hope to run into some friends. Are you going to take anyone?"

Kongpob doesn't know if Arthit is going to prom, but he's pretty sure the chances are low. The likelihood of him asking Arthit to prom and the other saying yes is even lower. Finally, he shakes his head. "Me neither." And then he remembers Prae, and backtracks: "Well, I mean, Prae and I kind of have this thing going on, so maybe."

"Oh, yeah!" Tew says, brightening. "You and Prae! How is that going?"

Kongpob doesn't like talking about him and Prae as a couple without Prae being with him, so now he regrets his words. "It's going as well as a relationship that already knows of its future can go." He says this with a smile, so he hopes Tew doesn't think him strange for it.

Luckily, Tew's smile only widens. "That's good."

Kongpob nods.

Tew nods, too, before he pulls his phone out of his pocket to reveal a text. He looks back up at Kongpob, giving a wave. "Well, I've got to go. See you around!"

Again, Kongpob nods, also giving a wave goodbye.

Speaking honestly, Kongpob hadn't given prom any thought until the meeting.

Though he would really like to go with Arthit, he knows there's no way he'd be able to. He has to choose between taking Prae as a date or going with a group of friends, but he supposes going with Prae would really just mean going with a friend. Either way, he knows for sure he'll never get to go to prom with Arthit.

Even though that's pretty much just a fact of life, grass is green, the sky is blue, Kongpob will never go to prom with Arthit, it still hurts.

Kongpob shakes himself out and speeds up his walking, ready to just get home.

❈ ❈ ❈

Somehow Wednesdays become Kongpob and May's library trip days. He finds himself walking to the book- and table-filled space after they've finished their lunch, Kongpob listening intently as May fills him in on the book they're reading in the book club. When he gets out the book Arthit recommended, May trails off, staring at the cover for a second too long. Kongpob holds to book to his chest. "What?"

"Hey," May begins, "I didn't want to ask because it felt intrusive, but... that book... it wasn't recommended to you by Arthit," she meets his eyes, "was it, Kongpob?"

Kongpob's arms tighten around the book. "And if it was?"

May's eyes widen before she gives a squeak and looks away. "It's nothing! I was just curious." Her cheeks are turning red, and Kongpob starts to feel guilty for being so defensive.

"Sorry," he says. "But, yeah, it was."

May doesn't say anything for awhile.

Kongpob returns the book and follows May to a quiet section of the library, the girl looking for another book to read.

As she's looking, she says, "I didn't know you were friends with Arthit."

Usually, Kongpob is quick to say he is, all proud, chest puffed out, but this time he hesitates. It's not that he's ashamed, but he's kept his class-friends (excluding Prae) separate from Arthit, and he's not sure how wise it would be to admit it, so before he can stop himself, he says, "We aren't. Not really."

May hums, nodding, looking not very convinced, and Kongpob feels like trash for the rest of the day.

❈ ❈ ❈

He can't get the way he said Arthit and he aren't friends out of his head. The guilt claws away at him, leaving him in shreds by the time he sees Arthit walking down the hallway after the hallways have cleared. Silently, he follows.

Realistically, he knows Arthit would probably be more glad than angry that Kongpob's denied their friendship, the other always putting Kongpob's reputation over their (platonic) relationship, but his words bother him , and he knows he can't feel better until he tells Arthit what he said.

After following him a couple more steps, he calls out to the elder.

Arthit stops to glance back at the younger approaching him. "Hey." His brows draw together as he takes in the younger's sad look. "Hey," he repeats, "are you okay?"

Kongpob hesitates, even though he followed the elder just so he could talk to him about what he said. Finally, he shakes his head. "I said we weren't friends."

Arthit stares at him, confusion steadily taking over his features. "To who? Because it certainly wasn't to me."

Kongpob stops when he arrives next to the elder. He lets out a breath before saying, "To May. The one who told me about you... and your friend... with the book club?"

"May...," Arthit repeats. "You eat lunch with her sometimes, don't you?"

Kongpob nods. "Yeah. She's Prae's friend, and also my friend too now, I guess." He smiles briefly before it fades to a frown. "But yeah, I told her we weren't friends. It was like I couldn't control my mouth and suddenly I was saying no when she asked."

"So what's the problem?" Arthit asks.

"I threw a whole fit about you saying we aren't friends, and now here I am telling other people we aren't. I just—"

"Kongpob," Arthit cuts him off, "Kongpob! Stop. I don't mind. I think it's for the best that other people don't know we're friends." He suddenly gives a laugh that turns into another one then another

Kongpob stares at him before a smile tugs at the corners of his lips. It only blooms wider when Arthit, in the midst of his laughter, says, "You're so ridiculous." That should be a bit insulting, but there's a fond exasperation in his words that makes Kongpob's heart tighten.

When Arthit stops laughing, Kongpob is still wearing a bright smile.

"What?" the elder asks, wiping a nonexistent tear from his cheek.

Kongpob studies him for a second, taking in his features, the small smile on his face, before shaking his head and beginning to walk. "Nothing."

❈ ❈ ❈

Arthit
i need help
my cousin's wedding is happening over break, no dress code
what color looks better on me?
[Image_143]
[Image_144]
3:33pm

You
I think you look good in anything
3:36pm

Arthit
blocked
3:47pm

❈ ❈ ❈

You
So what color did you go with?
I really do think you look good in both
7:10pm

Arthit
the first one,, and thanks
7:12pm

❈ ❈ ❈

Arthit
look outside
12:21pm

You
Is that bright?
12:22pm

You
Oh my god I-
12:27pm

❈ ❈ ❈

You
Good morning Arthit!!
5:47am

Arthit
why would u even text me at this time kongpob oh my GOD
6:59am

❈ ❈ ❈

Arthit
how is prae doing?? i never see her
5:24pm

You
Dance has her really busy :/
She said she wouldn't mind hanging out with us again though
5:30pm

Arthit
i still feel a little bad for asking her out
6:24pm

Arthit
i practically made her give me her number
gross
6:26pm

You
Yikes but you grew from it so
I wouldn't mind you forcing me to give you my number ;)
6:28pm

Arthit
you willingly gave me ur number idiot
i didn't even ask for it
6:30pm

You
;) ;) ;)
6:31pm

❈ ❈ ❈

He's scrolling through past messages with Arthit when he realizes some of the messages from others on his phone say they've been read when Kongpob knows he's never seen them before in his life. He frowns when, as he's noticing this, he gets a text from Prae that's just a string of question marks and a 'pls respond.'

He calls her.

"What?" she asks. "My text wasn't that desperate."

"No," Kongpob says before glancing to the door and lowering his voice. "I think someone's been through my phone."

"What?" Prae's shrill screech hurts Kongpob's ears. She apologizes before continuing: "Who would do that? Or, rather, why?"

"One of my parents, yeah," Kongpob murmurs, "but I can't think of any reason why. The only person who, I guess, could make them suspicious is Arthit, and he doesn't look like a bad guy." His brow furrows as he thinks. "But since they don't know him, they definitely could look into him, and they could probably find out about the rumor or whatever."

"But have they ever even seen you with him?" Prae asks, making Kongpob hesitate.

"They shouldn't have," he says. "And I think, if they had ever seen me with him, they'd tell me. Like, they'd confront me about it, you know? Ask me why I'm talking to him and what business I have with him." He pulls the phone away from his ear to scroll back through the message he and Arthit sent over the past weekend and week. "God," he breathes out when he reads some of the things he sent, "I hope my parents are really dumb because some of the things I've sent him...."

"Ere on the side of flirtatious? A bit too flirtatious?" Prae asks as Kongpob groans into his hand.

"Yes," he says. "I never thought anyone would read what I send him."

Prae makes a sympathetic noise. "Well, maybe they didn't read those."

"How could they not?" Kongpob asks. "He's the one person I text more than anyone else. Excluding maybe Aim, but even then... the way I text Arthit and the way I text Aim are totally different, not to mention, my parents already know Aim. They've never even heard of Arthit."

"Oh, God," Prae says.

"Exactly."

The two sit in silence for a second before Prae sighs. "I don't know, Kong. All I can say now is be careful, and just wait it out."

Kongpob nods. "Yeah." He takes a breath. "I just wish they'd let me live my life."

"I know," Prae says. "I'm sorry."

"Not your fault," Kongpob replies. "I'm just going to go day by day, I guess. See where this goes." He thinks about all of his texts to Arthit, how they drip honey and adoration, more than just the friendly kind. He closes his eyes, tells Prae goodbye and that he read her text and that she should get Maprang the earrings for her birthday, and then the call ends and he's left with a throbbing headache and a looked-through phone.

Really, he can't even think of why his parents would want to go through his phone in the first place.

❈ ❈ ❈

It comes in the form of a picture shoved through the slots in his locker that falls to the ground as soon as he gets the metal door open. He stares at the paper on the ground for a second before leaning down to pick it up. When he flips the paper over, he sees it's a printed-out picture of him and Arthit. Immediately, he's glancing around the empty hallway that doesn't seem so empty anymore.

He supposes the picture isn't that bad. It's just the two of them talking. But now he just needs to find out who took it and why they took it.

He glances around one more time, but the hallway appears to really be empty, so he folds up the picture and slips it into his pants pocket before gathering his things and heading home.

❈ ❈ ❈

The second picture is a little more incriminating, Arthit and he standing a bit too close for just friends, though they really are just friends, but this time there's a shadow that gives a suggestion of who the photographer could be.

Kongpob is uncomfortable, especially now that he knows there's multiple pictures, but he's pretty sure they've been sent to his parents, and, based on the shadow, were likely taken by another student.

Now it's just a matter of finding out which student.

❈ ❈ ❈

Kongpob never expected to wake up and see a stack of pictures on his desk, but he does, so he gets up and goes to flip through the papers.

His fingers start to shake when he realizes the person got pictures of him and Prae fighting, one of their angry faces, yelling at each other, another of them both flipping each other off, Prae's hand held high and Kongpob's stuck out in front of him pointedly. The last one is of him and Arthit, more specifically him and Arthit in an embrace, Kongpob's face hidden in the elder's shoulder, and Arthit's arms around him. Although Kongpob feels ready to throw up, he finds it kind of nice to see that Arthit had his nose buried in the younger's hair, his eyes shut tight.

Kongpob tucks the photos away in a drawer, his heart pounding. He freezes when he hears a sudden laugh from downstairs. His hands are still trembling when he gets dressed and heads to the living room. He has to stick them in his pockets and hold tight to the fabric inside to keep them from shaking too obviously.

When he reaches the living room, he sees his mother on the couch, his father next to her, the two of them in a conversation with... "Oak?" Kongpob asks, then his eyes widen when he realizes who's next to him. "Aim?" He hates the way his voice cracks on the name.

He hopes they aren't, but all he can think is that they're the ones who took and gave his parents the pictures.

"Kongpob," his mother says, a laugh still dancing in her voice, "please, take a seat."

Kongpob can't move. He says, "I think I'd rather stand."

"Kongpob," his father's voice is stern, "sit."

Kongpob sits.

"We've found out some... interesting things," his mother begins, looking to him, the laugh gone from her voice, no light in her eyes. "Not just about you," she coughs into an elegant hand, "no. Not just about you."

"Who?" Kongpob asks, afraid of their answer.

"Our dear Praepailin, of course," his mother replies. "Who else?"

Kongpob bites his lip, as she continues:

"You can't mean that boy , right? Surely he isn't that relevant." She shakes her head. "No. I most definitely mean Prae. I'd apologize for setting you up with her, but I figure you've enjoyed it, haven't you?"

Kongpob doesn't want to answer. His teeth only dig deeper into his lip. He looks to the floor.

"Eyes on us, Kongpob," his father snaps.

Kongpob's eyes immediately fly to his parents, and with his friends right there, it's the most humiliated he's ever been.

"We've been working closely with the Hathaiprasert family, as you know," his mother says, referring to Aim's family, "and we're glad you've found a friend in their son. But we've also been working with the Pookusuwan family, and did you know Oak, here, is quite talented with technology?"

Kongpob is pretty sure he's never trusting anyone ever, ever again.

He looks over to the two, and he feels like whatever tie of friendship he's had with the two of them has now been completely severed. When he meets Aim's eyes, the other looks away. He turns his gaze to Oak, whose expression is a mix of dignified and remorseful.

"Why?" he asks the other.

Oak doesn't respond, instead staring back at him through dirty glass lenses.

Kongpob's mother clears her throat. "I would prefer it if you stop spending time with that other boy. He's not good for you. And as for Prae—"

"Leave Prae alone," Kongpob cuts her off, voice rough. "You can punish me all you want, but don't you dare mess with Prae."

It's the first time he's ever openly stood up to his parents. He hates it.

His mother blinks, startled, as his father rises to his feet. Kongpob shrinks back in his seat when the man reaches his chair and looms over him, the light behind his head causing his face to be shrouded in dark shadows. "You listen here, boy," his father begins, voice low, "we'll do as we please when it comes to Prae, and you'll listen to us and not talk back and you'll stop spending time with that boy and start focusing on what's important instead."

Kongpob's pretty sure the nature of the human body is all about self-preservation, yet his mouth defies that nature when he says: "Arthit is important."

It's not a belt, but his father's hand hurts like a bitch, too.

"I don't like doing that," his father says to him, voice a low rumble, "but I'll do it as many times as I have to in order to get whatever that boy gave you out of your system, you hear? Now, shut your damn mouth, and go." He points to the stairs, taking a step back, and it's on shaky legs that Kongpob stands and sends one last wounded, scornful look to his so-called friends before heading up the stairs without another word.

He's flipping through the pictures one more time when there's a knock at the door.

Without waiting for a response, the door opens, and Aim and Oak walk in.

Kongpob immediately turns away from them, going through the pictures one more time. He's gotten out the ones from school, too, and they've been added to the stack. The only one he's pulled out is the one of him and Arthit hugging, the phantom sensation of the other's arms around him still crystalline in his memory, a weak comfort to fend off all the hurt from the day. He glances to the clock. And it isn't even nine in the morning yet.

"Hey," Aim says when a few minutes has passed and Kongpob hasn't acknowledged them.

Another couple of moments pass before Kongpob heaves a sigh and turns around. "What?"

The two are standing by the door still, backs pressed to it like it's Kongpob who's got them cornered and not the other way around.

"Are you okay?" Aim asks.

Kongpob stares at him before turning back around, resuming his previous activities.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Aim cries, and Kongpob pauses. "I phrased that wrong. Obviously, you're not okay. But I didn't realize he meant that much to you, or that—"

"Does it matter?" Kongpob finally questions, tossing down the stack of photos and turning back around. "You did it, and I don't know why you did, but you did, and I can't exactly forgive you right away for that." He looks to his lap, fingers threading together. "I might never be able to." He shakes his head. "Ignoring me, what about Prae? Do you even know what you've done?"

"Why is it an issue?" Aim asks. "So what, she doesn't want to be with you? You two can just suck it up and wait it out. It's not like our parents loved each other at first."

Kongpob swallows around the lump that's been growing in his throat. "It's not just that."

Aim opens his mouth, but Kongpob cuts him off: "Why?"

"Why?" the other echoes. He looks to Oak, causing Kongpob to also look to the bespectacled teenager.

"What did you get from this?" Kongpob asks.

"I tried to stop him, I swear," Aim says, "but then he—"

"I don't care," Kongpob interrupts. "I want Oak to answer."

"Part of it was my family," Oak begins. "Your mom promised them some of the shares in your company for this new branch you guys are doing...," Kongpob nods, and he continues, "so that started it, making my parents get me a camera, planning for me to pay it off with some of the money I get when I step up and get the profits from my seat within the new department," again, he pauses, and again, Kongpob nods, "so that was the first part. Then your mom approached me directly. She promised me the newest edition of DotA and a meeting with the game creators, and I just couldn't say no."

Kongpob sits there for a long second, just thinking over his friend's words. Finally, his shoulders begin to shake with laughter. "You," he catches his breath, "you sold me out for... for a game?" He laughs, manic and hurt. "Wow. That is so absolutely shitty of you." He hates the tears that threaten to spill down his cheeks. He hates his friends. He hates his house, his family, his future. "I really can't stand you two right now."

"I tried to stop him," Aim says, "or at least make him save the pictures for later!"

"For later?" Kongpob asks, glaring at the other. "Why would you possibly need them for later? Would you just keep taking more? How far would you go?"

Aim splutters out some reply that Kongpob could care less about.

"Look, I can't speak for Oak," Aim says, "but I really am sorry. I don't know what's going on with Prae; I don't understand your relationship with Arthit—"

"There is no relationship," Kongpob says. "There was a chance of one, but not anymore."

Aim falls silent. Oak makes a confused noise in his throat.

Kongpob grabs the stack of photos, all of them nicely hole-punched and attached to three key-rings. He throws them at the other two. "Here. Do whatever you want with them. Give them to my parents. It's not like you haven't shown them these before, anyway."

With a hesitant finger, Oak points to the one still on his desk. "What about that one?"

Kongpob glances back at it, finger running along the edge of the paper. "I'm keeping it."

"But your parents—"

"I don't really care about what they do to me at this point," Kongpob says. "All I can do is take it."

Oak and Aim stare at him for a second before Aim nods his head. "I'll keep them."

Kongpob gives him a disinterested look.

Aim opens the door. "I don't know what's going on in your life, but I'm really sorry." He takes the photos and folds them up, shoving them into his jacket pocket. He sends one last apologetic look to Kongpob before disappearing out into the hallway.

Oak is still standing in the doorway. Kongpob glares at him. "Your mom said she wants your phone," he finally says. "And don't change or delete anything."

It takes everything in the other to not just chuck the device at Oak's head as he leaves.

❈ ❈ ❈

Arthit
arthit said he thinks your hot
- bright
4:27pm

Arthit
NO I DON'T
IGNORE HIM
4:30pm

Arthit
kongpob??
5:02pm

Arthit
are u ok?
text me when u see these
5:58pm

Arthit
i'm just going to assume you're really busy
see you tomorrow kongpob
6:43pm

Arthit
:)
6:50pm

Arthit
pretend i didn't send that
6:54pm

❈ ❈ ❈

He's expected home now by five, and he can't go out anymore with Prae, and he won't be allowed to go out until his parents find him another girl to go out with. They still haven't told the Putthiaksorns, however, that they're rethinking their children's' betrothal.

Kongpob doesn't know what their gameplan with Prae is, but he has never felt more afraid.

He didn't talk to Arthit before nor after school Monday, but he caught the elder looking at him through the windows at lunchtime, and he thought he heard him call his name in the halls once, but when Kongpob turned around, he wasn't there.

Kongpob needs to tell him what happened.

Just... not today.

❈ ❈ ❈

Nearly a week has passed since the incident, as he now likes to think of it, and Kongpob hasn't said anything to Arthit or Prae.

He never expects Prae to confront him .

"Will you tell me why," she asks, the words coming out as a hiss, quiet in the near empty hallway, "my parents just called me—in the middle of school—and told me that my engagement to you is off? And that I should stop spending time with you?"

"So they didn't say anything about...?" He lets out a relieved breath as Prae looks ready to smack him.

"They didn't say anything about what ?" she questions. "Kongpob Sutthilak, you better tell me what happened right now or so help me God!"

Kongpob glances to the last couple of students lingering in the hallway before grabbing Prae's wrist and pulling her to an empty classroom whose door was left open. He shuts it behind himself gently. "I'm sorry it took so long to tell you this," he begins, and Prae looks murderous, "but my mom paid Oak and Aim to keep tabs on me, and they got...," he looks away, guilt eating away at his stomach, "they got pictures of me and you, and me and Arthit, and they got pictures of our fight." He lets out a breath and looks at her again. "I thought they might know about... you , but it seems like they don't." He closes his eyes and is startled but touched when she pulls him into a hug. He wraps his arms around her. "I'm so glad they don't."

He can feel Prae nod by the way her hair tickles his cheek. She pulls away some to look him in the eyes. "But they know about you now, don't they?"

Kongpob shrugs. "I don't know. I'm guessing they do, or they're afraid that it's true and that I'm—"

The word is back to being unsafe. He hates that his parents took that away from him.

"I know," Prae murmurs, pulling him back into a hug. "I'm sorry. I'm still mad, but... it's not at you."

Kongpob nods. "I'm sorry, too. I really thought we could... I thought we could protect each other."

Prae makes a soft noise in her throat, and Kongpob feels her hands begin to rub up and down his back. "It's okay. Maybe I can talk to my parents, convince them that I've thought about it, and I'm willing to help you."

"Help me?"

Prae hums. "Yeah. Don't worry, Kong, I can make you straight. It's fine."

It's so stupid, but it's also so funny. A laugh bubbles up Kongpob's throat and spills out. "That is... the most supportive, yet most dumb thing you've ever said to me."

"Ride or die, Kong," Prae says, voice shaking from a small giggle. "Ride or die."

❈ ❈ ❈

When he wakes up Monday, he realizes he doesn't have school for the entire week, and that the sun isn't even up yet. He sits up in bed, looking around his room, everything a shadow. He lets out a breath and tosses himself back down.

Though they started to talk to him over the week, his parents are back to their radio silence, and, if they have to talk to him, it's in short, curt words, detached.

Kongpob falls back asleep.

The second time he wakes, it's to a heavy pounding on his door. He shakes his head, a hand going through his hair, before the door is being pushed open and in comes his mother with the house phone. Her expression is blank. "It's Aim," she says, handing him the phone, then leaving his room, though her footsteps stop a bit too soon for her to already be downstairs.

She's listening.

Kongpob takes a breath before bringing the phone to his ear. "Yes?" he asks, and he doesn't feel at all bad for the annoyance that creeps into his voice.

There's nothing but a steady breathing on the other end before, "I'm sorry."

"Again?" Kongpob asks, and this time, the annoyance isn't creeping into his voice. It's at the forefront of it.

"Yes, again," Aim responds. "And I really do mean it. I know what I did was actually terrible, and I know you said you can't forgive me, but I really did try to stop him."

"Then why didn't you?" Kongpob asks. "You're not weak." He pauses. "He didn't bribe you with the DotA thing, too, did he? Because I know you like games, but I thought we were best—"

"We were best friends!" Aim interrupts. "We are best friends."

"Best friends don't sell each other out to their parents," Kongpob says, then remembers his mom outside his room and says, "but I guess they're not bribed by their friend's parents, either."

It's wishful thinking that his words make his mother feel remorse.

Aim lets out a sigh. "You're right, but that's not it."

"Then why didn't you stop him?" Kongpob asks again.

"Because...," Aim trails off before releasing another breath. "Because I wanted to know, too. You've been feeling really far away, and we'd see you with Arthit after school, er—Oak and I would, and it's like you're someone else."

Kongpob frowns as Aim continues:

"I just want to know what makes spending time with him so much better than spending time with us."

He knows his mother is outside of the door, but by now, she must know. Kongpob lets out a breath. "Do you really not know?" he asks the other.

Aim is silent for a second before repeating, "Know?"

Kongpob nods, though the other can't see him. "Yeah, do you really not know why it's so different?"

"Different?" Aim asks. "It's not better."

"It...," a small smile takes over Kongpob's face as he thinks about Arthit, "it is better, but it's probably not in the way you're thinking."

"What do you mean?"

"I like—"

Footsteps. Descending the stairs. The sound of sandals on tile. His mother left. Kongpob rises and closes the door. He lets out another breath. "I like him, Aim. I like Arthit."

"You... like him?" Aim asks, confusion coloring his voice, and oh God, is Kongpob really going to have to spell this out for him? "Like...?"

"Like as in 'I like Arthit and wouldn't mind living in a house with a white-picket fence and raising two-point-five kids with him' like . Also, if he kissed me, that'd be nice."

For awhile, nothing goes through the line, just the sound of breathing. It's only the breathing which reassures Kongpob that he didn't kill his friend. Finally, Aim says, "So you mean that like."

Kongpob sighs. "Yeah, that like."

Aim echoes his yeah before falling silent.

When Kongpob is about to suggest hanging up, Aim says, "I didn't know you were gay."

"Oh my God."

❈ ❈ ❈

Kongpob is starting to believe Prae failed in her endeavors when his father knocks on his door, opens it, then says, "The Putthiaksorns are coming over for Thanksgiving tomorrow, so you better act right ."

As soon as the door shuts, Kongpob can no longer hold back the smile that starts to spread across his face.

❈ ❈ ❈

Prae looks gorgeous in her dress; she looks like autumn personified. Kongpob tells her as much, though he makes sure she knows it's a compliment.

She flushes and preens under the praise, and Kongpob is again amazed at how good she falls into her role. Now, if only he could do the same.

Kongpob's mother is the only one in the house allowed to use the oven, believing that only women should know the kitchen, so Kongpob watches as she invites Prae to help her finish up preparations, much to the delight of Mrs. Putthiaksorn, who is quick to tout her daughter's culinary skills.

His sister's old apron looks cute on Prae, and she moves around the Sutthilak's kitchen with the grace of someone who knows what they're doing and where everything is. Kongpob's mother coos over how capable she is, and it's as if they never threatened to break off her engagement to Kongpob.

When Prae catches his eye, Kongpob smiles, making it a tad too sweet.

Maybe we can protect each other.

Prae smiles back, lips dripping syrup.

❈ ❈ ❈

The Putthiaksorns end up spending the night, Prae in Kongpob's eldest sister's room, and her parents in the guest room.

It's a bit weird, spending so much time with Prae, but Kongpob supposes it's like having one of his sisters back around, though there isn't an age gap this time.

When the house is still, Kongpob's well-aware of the soft knocks on his door. He's quick to slip out of bed and open it. It's Prae, obviously, her phone in hand.

Kongpob's eyes widen when she sticks it out to him.

"Here," she says, "use it."

"For... for what?" Kongpob asks, holding the device close.

"When am I going to hear, 'This is Arthit, my boyfriend'?" she asks in response.

Kongpob stutters something stupid before going to her contacts and pulling up his number. "It's so late, though," he says, hesitating. "He loves to sleep."

"You're more important than sleep," Prae immediately responds. "You matter more to him than sleep."

"Not true," Kongpob says, but hits 'Call' anyway.

It only takes a couple rings before a groggy hello? is sounding through the speakers.

Kongpob stares at Prae, eyes and mouth wide open.

Prae motions for him to reply.

"Uh," Kongpob says, "hey."

There's silence, and then: "Kongpob?"

Kongpob nods, though the elder can't see him. "Yeah. Hi."

"Kongpob," Arthit says again, then angrier. "Kongpob!"

"I know, I know," Kongpob hurriedly tries to placate the elder. "It's been two weeks, and we've had this discussion before, and I'm sorry, but this time it was for our own goods."

"Oh my God," both Prae and Arthit say, making Kongpob smile.

"Really," he says. "My parents found out about... us."

"Us?" Arthit asks. "What us ?"

"Okay," Kongpob says, ignoring the sting in his chest at the elder's question, "not us , but she found out that you're a really special person to... to me, and she doesn't like you, and she took my phone, and she almost called off my engagement to Prae because of it all."

His voice had started rising as he went on, but Prae puts a finger to her lips, and Kongpob quietens down.

Arthit doesn't respond for awhile. Kongpob is worried that the other fell asleep, but then: "So that's why you aren't responding to my texts."

"You've been texting me?" Kongpob asks, voice rising.

"Like a puppy," Arthit murmurs, and Kongpob isn't sure what he means, but he doesn't have much time to think on it because then Arthit is continuing: "Yes, I've been texting you. Well, not so much anymore, not when I realized you aren't responding, but for awhile, yes, I tried to text you."

"What was it? What'd you say?" Kongpob feels like if he had a tail, it'd be wagging. Suddenly, Arthit's 'puppy' comment starts to make more sense. Even Prae hides a laugh behind her hand.

"I just...," Arthit trails off, and Kongpob can picture the way his cheeks have turned pink. A smile spreads on the younger's face. "I just was asking if you're okay, and Bright sent something dumb."

"What'd he send?" Kongpob asks. "Tell me, Arthit."

"No way," Arthit replies.

"Please," Kongpob tries again.

Arthit is silent before he lets out a breath. "I'll send you, or, er, Prae, a screenshot. Now, we'll talk Monday. Where we fought that one time. I'll see you."

"Okay, yeah, that's fine," Kongpob agrees.

They both wait for the other to hang up, and then:

"Good night, Kongpob." Arthit's voice is unreasonably soft.

"Good night, Arthit."

The screenshots are nice, but not as nice as the message that comes in underneath them:

Arthit
and ok maybe i Did call you hot
12:37am

❈ ❈ ❈

Kongpob really doesn't get why this bathroom in particular is always empty, but he's not complaining. Either way, before entering, he glances around to make sure no bespectacled boys or ex-best friends are following him. When he sees neither, he slips into the bathroom.

Inside, Arthit is already waiting for him, leaning against one of the sinks, eyes closed.

Kongpob thinks, even in the terrible bathroom lighting, that the senior looks beautiful.

Arthit opens his eyes, and when he looks at Kongpob, the younger just wants to fall onto the other. He doesn't, however, and instead just says, "Hey."

Arthit smiles. "Hey."

They stand in silence before Arthit stretches and stands up properly. "So what happened?"

Kongpob sighs, thinking about the past two weeks (really, three) and what he's learnt.

"Do you know my friends, Oak and Aim?"

Arthit thinks for a second before nodding. "Lanky guy, and Basketball Team Captain, yeah."

Kongpob nods, too. "Apparently, my mom paid them to follow me."

"What?" Arthit asks immediately. "Is that even legal?"

"I think my parents are above the law," Kongpob states flatly, and Arthit places a sympathetic hand on his shoulder that sends warmth all throughout his body. "But, anyway, they do that, and they got pictures of me and you, and they also got pictures from when Prae and I got into that fight and also after, when I went... to you." He looks away from the elder, feeling heat rise to his cheeks. "So yeah, my parents got mad at me and took away my phone and forbade me from staying at school past five and that's only on days that I have stuco or tutoring, otherwise it's four, which even then is pushing it, and I'm so sorry for not talking to you, but I just want things to be okay." He takes a breath, feeling like a frayed string.

Arthit's thumb rubs up and down his shoulder, and Kongpob closes his eyes.

"Well, I'm still a bit mad, I'll admit," Arthit says, "but I'm really sorry about what happened."

Kongpob nods. "It's not your fault. You were always talking about my reputation, anyway."

"Not just that," Arthit shakes his head, "you don't deserve any of that."

"I know," Kongpob agrees, "but it happened, and I can't act like it didn't. The most I can do is wait it out." He lets out a breath. "At least Prae managed to save our engagement. Which, wow, it's really sad that I'm grateful to be marrying some girl."

"Hey," Arthit says, moving to nudge him with his elbow, hand falling from his shoulder, "don't talk about her like that. You know she's cool."

"I do," Kongpob sighs, "and that's why I feel so bad ."

"Well," Arthit locks eyes with the younger, "you're not bad."

Kongpob nods, though he's still quite glum, and Arthit gives a sympathetic smile to the younger.

"Hey," the elder says, "chin up. Your parents can't control you forever."

Kongpob's about to argue, but then he remembers the wedding invitation in the mail from his second eldest sister and how his father ripped the card in half and his mother turned her nose up and how he dug it out of the trash later and wrote the date on his arm and the venue address.

Against his parents' wishes, he's going to go to the wedding that's being held, also against his parents' wishes. He very much looks forward to the month of January.

Kongpob suddenly thinks Arthit's words aren't that wrong.

"Yeah," he says, "they can't, can they?"

Arthit smiles at him, and Kongpob almost leans forward and kisses him then and there.

❈ ❈ ❈

"Are you okay?"

The question from May startles him. He looks at her, head tilting to the side. "I'm fine. Why?"

May thinks for a second before replying. "You've just been a bit distant lately, not that there's anything wrong with that, and I wanted to know if you're okay."

Kongpob smiles at her. "I'm alright. Just busy. I can't believe we had a project in physics over break, only to be given another one when we got back."

May starts to laugh, nodding. "Same but with history. Why do we have to write so many essays?"

Kongpob lets out a groan, shaking his head. "If I have to write one more essay, my arm might fall off."

The two laugh together, trying not to grow too loud when they realize they're still in the library.

Kongpob shakes his head again before pulling his schoolwork closer to himself. "At least they give us a lot of time to work on it all."

"That's true," May agrees, tapping the end of her pencil to her lips, "and they consider our other classes, which is nice."

Kongpob nods. "Yeah. I don't think I could survive if none of my teachers were willing to work together."

"Definitely."

They fall into an easy silence after that, both working on their homework, but Kongpob can feel the way May's eyes sometimes settle on him. He hopes it's because he has something in his hair or on his face, and not the reason he thinks her looks are for.

❈ ❈ ❈

At the student council meeting, they split up. The split isn't supposed to happen, but Kongpob doesn't exactly try to stop the way the grades seem to naturally segregate themselves, freshmen and sophomores on one side, juniors and seniors on the other.

When Kongpob focuses in on what the older students are saying, his expression falls flat. Of course they're talking about prom.

The dance is still six months away. There's no way people are really that concerned over it.

"So have you thought about who you're going to go with?" Tew is taking a seat by his side, head cocked to the side in curiosity.

Kongpob shakes his head. "No. I don't really have time to think about prom, no offense."

"None taken," Tew replies. He lets out a breath as he surveys the room. "You're president," he says, "so why aren't you really into the discussion? Because of your answer before?"

"What answer?" Kongpob asks.

"To the question I just asked," Tew says. "You don't have time to think about prom, and when that's all everyone cares about, you don't see the need to lead."

"I guess," Kongpob nods. "But it's not really that. There are things I want to talk about, but realistically, the school wouldn't try to fix them."

"Really?" Tew asks, his body turning more towards Kongpob. "Like what?"

So Kongpob tells him about his past grievances, and how only more have been added to the list, and Tew listens intently and nods and agrees and talks about the problems he's found, and the two of them end up pretty absorbed in their conversation, so much so that they don't realize the secretary is declaring the meeting adjourned and that everyone is leaving their seats until a sophomore brushes a hand across Kongpob's shoulder and tells him goodbye . Kongpob stares after her as she walks away.

When he focuses back on Tew, the elder is studying him with a mischievous glance in his eyes.

"Are you going to ask her?" the other junior asks.

Kongpob's brows draw together as he shakes his head. "No way. I've never even spoken to her one-on-one before."

"Doesn't mean you can't be attracted to them," Tew states, but Kongpob just scoffs.

"Yeah, right." He drums his fingers against the table. "Besides, even if I liked her, I'm still engaged to Prae. It's best to ask her to the dance."

"So you're really engaged to her?" Tew asks, eyes wide.

Kongpob gives him an odd look as he nods.

"Wow," the other teen says. "I thought that was just a rumor."

"Yeah," Kongpob raises a brow, "well, most rumors tend to start with some truth."

Tew hums in affirmation. "Yeah. You know that other one?"

Kongpob leans some on the table. "Other one?" he asks. "Which one?" Admittedly, he's not a fan of gossip, knowing how terrible the effects of rumors can be.

"Pretty much the only big one that isn't about you and-or Prae," Tew replies. "About that senior, Arthit—"

"What?" Kongpob asks, though from his tone, it's clear it's not a question.

"That he likes girls and guys," Tew nods, and Kongpob can feel both anger and panic rise in his throat. But then Tew continues: "No one ever says it, but he was asked out at the end of his freshman year, and, well, you see how pale he is, no wonder he turned red. It was probably from embarrassment, though. He still turned the guy down, didn't he?"

"What?" Kongpob asks, though this time, it's clear it's a question.

Again, Tew nods. "Yeah. My brother was a junior here at the time. He felt really bad at seeing Arthit getting bullied like that, but he didn't do anything about it. He figured Arthit could hold his own, and if not, then he'd turn a blind eye."

"That's kind of mean," Kongpob murmurs. "Not much help."

"I never said my brother was smart nor good," Tew states. "Either way, sometimes I hear people talking about him. Makes me realize how powerful words are, you know?" He shakes his head. "It's so dumb. Say he did like guys, so what? Not our business." He purses his lips as he shakes his head once more. "So dumb."

"Yeah," Kongpob agrees. "It is dumb, isn't it?" He nods. "And you're right. It doesn't matter who you like." He chews his lower lip for a second, deep in contemplation, mulling over his future words. "Hey, uh, Tew?"

"Yeah?"

"Actually, I've been wanting to tell someone this for awhile now, but I—"

"Is Tew Attunphat in here?" a female voice interrupts.

The two boys look up to see one of the APs in the doorway. When she spots Tew, she lets out a small noise before walking over and informing him that he's needed for an outside activity, details will be shared later.

Tew sends a glance back at Kongpob before nodding. "Okay," he tells the woman. He begins to follow her. At the door, he pauses. "Maybe you can tell me another time," he says to Kongpob. "I'm sorry."

Kongpob waves a hand. "Don't worry about it. Bye, Tew."

Tew waves back, then disappears out into the hall with the AP.

Chapter Text

Kongpob is allowed to go out with Prae again, on the condition that he tells his mom where and for how long they'll be out.

He hates it because all he can think is that she's using this information to send Aim and Oak after them, even though the other two promised not to follow them anymore.

Prae tries to tell him he's just being paranoid, but even she looks nervous, eyes darting this way and that. Kongpob notices the way she scoots closer to him on the bench they're sitting on.

The date feels nothing at all like how the past ones felt, and by the end of the night, they're giving each other awkward goodbyes and heading in opposite directions.

❈ ❈ ❈

"I can't believe we have to keep meeting in the bathroom," Kongpob says when Arthit walks in a few minutes after him. "Did anyone see you?"

"No," Arthit replies, glancing at himself in the mirror before looking to Kongpob. "That's something you should be more worried about, anyway. You're not always that observant."

"I am observant," Kongpob argues. "Plenty."

Arthit lifts a brow, and Kongpob relents.

"Fine," he says, "but you know what they say." He smiles at the elder. "Love makes you blind."

Arthit stares at him, eyes widening, and that's when Kongpob realizes exactly what he said.

"I mean—"

"I don't care," Arthit says, and then he looks to the exit of the bathroom and continues, "and actually, Bright wanted to study in the library with me, so I'll go do that. Yeah."

And then he walks out, a bit too fast to be considered casual, leaving Kongpob alone under harsh fluorescent lights.

❈ ❈ ❈

"I messed up," Kongpob says to Prae as soon as she leaves dance practice. May isn't there, and neither is Maprang, so Kongpob feels safe sharing these things. Prae glances up and down the hallway before leaning in.

"What happened?"

"I said something really, really dumb."

"Like what?"

Kongpob hesitates, chewing on his bottom lip, and Prae leans in even closer, and finally, he tells her: "I might have implied— heavily implied—that I'm in love with Arthit."

Prae stares at him, eyes wide, before she goes ramrod straight, blinking. "You did not."

"I did."

They stand there in silence before Prae shakes her head. "I... wow."

"Now, he's not speaking to me."

At this, Prae's brow furrows. "He's not talking to you?"

"No," Kongpob confirms, "he just... stopped. And it's not like I can text him."

Prae gives him a flat look, and Kongpob looks down at her purse. She purses her lips but pulls out her phone. "Here."

Kongpob sends a text asking if they can talk. He doesn't say it's him.

Arthit responds with a no .

Kongpob gives the phone back to Prae.

"Forget it," he says. "I'll figure it out. Maybe he'll come around."

Prae watches him with worried eyes as she replies, "Maybe."

❈ ❈ ❈

Kongpob doesn't want to be at school. Granted, the only other place for him to be is at home, and he doesn't particularly want to be near his parents, but they don't talk to him much anymore, and they let him do his own thing, so he figures it's better than taking exams while sometimes seeing Arthit in the hallway and the elder ignoring him.

He leans his cheek against his palm as he waits for the period to finish. He already turned in his exam, an A practically already written at the top, and now he just wants to leave. Sadly, he can't, so he watches as Aim finishes his test next to him, the two of them still sitting next to each other, but not really talking. Finally, the bell rings, and they're all packing up, eager to get out of their seats.

As soon as they're out of the room, Aim is stretching and turning to Kongpob. "Easy?"

Kongpob shrugs, making Aim let out an ohh and poke him in the side.

"Don't be like that, Kong," the other says. "We're still friends."

"Okay," Kongpob replies, though it's clear that he's trying to get the other to stop talking instead of actually agreeing.

Aim gives him a shove. "Come on, man. We are."

"Okay," Kongpob says again, and Aim gives up, instead just walking next to the other over trying to talk to him.

Eventually, they split, Kongpob going to student council and Aim going to basketball practice.

As soon as Kongpob is in the small room, he lets out a breath. When he takes his seat at the table, the vice president, a small girl with glasses too big for her face, greets him brightly, offering him a cookie. He accepts the treat with a smile and falls into an easy conversation with her.

He waves when Tew walks in, and Tew waves back.

Soon, everyone else trickles in, and the meeting begins.

Tew ends up talking to Kongpob again afterwards.

"It's a little weird that we have a meeting during the week before break, don't you think?" he asks as Kongpob nods.

"Yeah. But we have to finish up fundraiser things because we've worked so much on that, and also come up with a plan for after break."

Tew considers his words, though they both know he's right. "I can't believe we're already halfway through the year. Didn't the school year just start three days ago?"

Kongpob laughs, and to an extent, Tew is right, it feels like the first day was only a week ago, rather than eighteen weeks ago, but it feels as if all of history has been packed into those eighteen weeks, his life a tumultuous ride ever since a senior tripped on an abandoned textbook in a hallway. He tilts his head back. "It's really crazy."

Tew nods, looking over at him. "So what are you doing over break?"

Kongpob doesn't know. Usually his parents tell him their Christmas plans, but they haven't spoken to him since the beginning of December, so he has no idea what they want to do. He shrugs. "My family usually goes on some trip. Because I'm so busy, though, I might not go."

Tew nudges him with his elbow. "Why not? You need to relax, you know."

Kongpob glances over at him before nodding. "I know, but I...." He frowns, remembering what he was going to say to the other at the last meeting. "Actually, Tew, I have—there's something I need to tell you, but if I do, you need to promise me you won't tell anyone else."

Tew gives a nervous laugh. "Why? Did you kill someone? Because then I'll have to tell someone."

"Tew, please," Kongpob looks straight into the other's eyes, trying his best to convey to Tew just how serious his next words are, "promise me. You can't tell anyone else."

The other student gives him a concerned look as he slowly begins to nod. "Okay," he says, "okay, I promise. I won't tell anyone else."

"Good."

Kongpob lets out a breath. He can trust Tew, right? He said what he said about Arthit, and how it doesn't matter, and he's always seemed nice. Kongpob takes a breath. It's hard to meet Tew's eyes, but he tries. "Do you remember what you said last week?" He watches as Tew thinks back to last Tuesday. "About Arthit and the rumor about him."

"Yeah?" Tew finally asks, nodding. "What about it?"

"You...," Kongpob bites his lip before continuing: "My parents are mad at me. They probably won't let me go on the trip with them."

"Why are they mad at you?" Tew asks, but from his voice, it's clear that he's starting to see where this conversation is going.

"Tew," Kongpob says, deciding to just get it over with, "I like guys."

Tew doesn't say anything for awhile, just studies him with curious eyes, as if he doesn't quite recognize Kongpob. It makes the other boy nervous.

"So?" he asks when Tew's silence has gone on for too long. "Are you okay?"

"Are you?" Tew asks in response. "I...." He tilts his head, looking away.

"What?" Kongpob questions. "What is it?"

"Well, I'm not really surprised?" Tew's voice pitches at the end. He still doesn't look at Kongpob.

"You're not surprised?" Kongpob asks, suddenly becoming worried about how any of his past actions might look to other students. "Why not? Was it something I did?"

"No, no," Tew is quick to reply. "None of that. It's just... well, you're not alone."

"What?"

"I don't—there's this person I've been talking to, and," Tew's cheeks begin to turn pink and oh , "they aren't exactly a girl."

"That's...." Kongpob can't find any words.

"Yeah," Tew agrees. "So you aren't alone."

Kongpob begins to nod before Tew finally looks at him. "So do you get why you can't tell anyone?"

Tew hums an affirmative. "Yeah. I'm glad you could tell me that."

"I'm glad you could tell me," Kongpob replies.

Tew nods before they settle into an easy silence.

After awhile, however, Tew turns to him and asks, "So who do you like?"

"What?" Kongpob asks, eyes wide. "I don't like anyone."

"You're lying," Tew says, his own eyes narrowing. And then he laughs. "I've never seen you blush before. You're totally lying! Who is it?"

Kongpob tries to change the topic, making Tew laugh, and then Kongpob asks who he likes, and they're back to play-fighting and teasing.

❈ ❈ ❈

"I'm going to miss this," May says as they sit together in the library. Kongpob glances over at her, and she continues: "I know that we can do this again after, but it won't be the same, don't you think?"

Kongpob looks around at their small space, the books stacked on the table, the murmur of other students, the soft music playing from May's phone. Kongpob nods. "Yeah. I get what you mean." He turns to May. "Any plans over break?"

"Yeah," May nods, "I'm going to my cousin's for a week, and then we're going to drive to this ski resort. You?"

Kongpob's about to give her the same answer he gave Tew (excluding the I like boys part) when he remembers—"I'm going to my sister's wedding."

"Oh?" May perks up at the mention of a wedding. "That's so cool! I haven't been to a wedding since, like, middle school."

"Yeah," Kongpob nods, "I think I'll have to take myself, though, because my parents aren't going."

"Really?" May asks. "Why not?"

"Schedule," Kongpob replies. He doesn't say that they chose not to go. "My sister's not too torn up about it, though."

"That's good," May says, nodding her head. "Well, I hope that goes well for you. Have fun!"

"I will," Kongpob says, and he's pretty sure he means it.

He doesn't think about Arthit. He doesn't let himself. The elder will come around eventually.

❈ ❈ ❈

He sees Arthit in the hallway, and it takes everything in him not to approach the elder. Usually, he'd be a lot better about fighting back this want, but after a few days of no Arthit, especially after his confession, however unintentional, he's ready to run up to him as soon as he sees him.

Kongpob keeps walking.

But then a hand lands on his arm. Kongpob stops.

"Kongpob," he hears from behind him.

Arthit.

Kongpob turns.

Arthit stands there with flushed cheeks, a furrowed brow, and a small frown.

"Arthit," he responds, and the elder lets out a breath.

"I'm sorry," he says first, "for leaving you like that."

Kongpob watches him with a cautious gaze.

Arthit continues: "And for avoiding you, and yes, I was avoiding you."

That draws a smile out of the younger.

"It wasn't right of me, so this is me apologizing for that." He's got a small smile on his face when he's done, one that makes Kongpob want to forgive and forget, but there's one part of their previous conversation that's been unaddressed.

"I meant what I said," Kongpob settles on saying. "Maybe it's not love, but I really do like—"

"Have a good winter break, Kongpob," Arthit cuts him off hurriedly. His eyes practically scream I'm sorry , yet the elder doesn't seem to hesitate in turning around and heading off the other way.

Kongpob stares after him in silence. Finally, he turns back around, readjusting his backpack, and deciding to head home.

❈ ❈ ❈

Christmas comes and goes, and Kongpob goes downstairs only to see his gift is an engagement ring to Prae. His father holds it in his hand as his mother says that they'll hold onto it for the end of their senior year. It's a threat.

They have a light breakfast, a lighter lunch, and dinner comes in the form of a dish-clad table, his mother really outdoing herself this time, the dining room picturesque.

The three of them sit, and Kongpob's parents hold easy conversation with each other, his father talking about some transaction going on at work and one of the new interns being stupendous, while his mother comments on how well the company has grown and possible future investments. Kongpob eats in silence.

Prae gives him a call, his mother entering his room with the house phone close to her chest, palm covering the microphone. She tells Kongpob it's for him, and Prae wishes him a merry Christmas, him wishing her one back, and that she hopes everything works out for him. Their words are purposely vague, Kongpob's mother standing in the doorway, arms crossed, the entire time.

As soon as the phone call ends, he's giving the device back to his mother, and she disappears down the stairs.

❈ ❈ ❈

His parents depart for Hawaii the next day. Kongpob stays behind, and, as soon as his mother calls the house to tell him that their plane has departed, he orders a taxi service that schedules to pick him up in two days for his sister's wedding. He's never met the groom, but he trusts her judgement.

❈ ❈ ❈

The taxi arrives at three in the afternoon, and Kongpob climbs in, a small suitcase packed for exactly one night. It's a one and a half hour trip without traffic, so in reality, he doesn't arrive until five-thirty. He's dropped off, and soon, he's being enveloped in a hug that smells like vanilla. He closes his eyes as the familiar scent of his second eldest sister, Chalai, engulfs him.

"I'm glad you could make it," she murmurs into his hair.

"I'm glad I could make it, too," he whispers back.

"For less sentimental reasons," she says, pulling away, "I'm glad you made it because I booked you a room at the hotel." She takes his suitcase, and he follows her to her car, where she chucks it in. "I'm leaving with Nathan, so you can take my car back, okay?" She hands him her keys, and Kongpob pockets them before she pulls him into another hug. "I'm so glad you could come!"

Kongpob nods, and they catch up for awhile, Kongpob cutting out a lost of his recent past, and finally, he asks, "Who's walking you down the aisle?"

Chalai falters, and Kongpob frowns. She swallows, glancing away. "I was hoping that... you could? I mean, you kind of look like Dad, don't you think?"

"Sure," he says, "to walking you down the aisle, and the 'Dad' comment." He smiles at her, and she gives him a watery smile in return.

"Ready, then?" she asks, and Kongpob sucks in a breath before nodding. She loops their arms together, and Kongpob shakes himself out as best as he can, before she leads him around to the front of the church, where the doors are now shut and a line of people stand outside.

They all ooh and aah at his sister's outfit, and they coo at him, and he smiles and Chalai laughs and Kongpob wishes his parents were here even if they aren't talking to him because he knows his sister doesn't act like it, but she wants them there, too.

The doors open, and the first bridesmaid and groomsman enters, and before he has time to collect himself, it's his and his sister's turn, and it's weird but also weirdly gratifying to be the one to do this for his sister. Him, not their father.

The ceremony ends and then everyone eats and he's pretty sure pure strangers cry and Chalai can't stop smiling and neither can he and a few of the sisters of bridesmaids have talked to him and even one brother and that made him smile even more even if he turns down the guy's advances the same way he turned down all the others. It's the nicest he's felt in awhile.

Chalai calls him to dance with her, and he does, spinning her around and dipping her and laughing with her. He almost wishes for the song to never end when he sees a familiar face in the crowd. Kongpob nearly drops his sister. Sensing his change in rhythm, she loosens her hold on him, letting him move away.

"What?" she asks. "Who is it?"

"Someone from school," Kongpob replies. "Don't worry about it." He adjusts his position. "Am I passing you off to someone? What's going on?"

His sister laughs and hits his chest before letting him spin her into her husband's arms. The older man smiles at him when his wife presses a kiss to his cheek. Kongpob smiles back before exiting the dance floor.

He's hanging around the drink table when he hears someone clear their throat next to him.

Kongpob turns to see Arthit standing there.

"Hi," Arthit greets.

Kongpob gives a small smile in reply.

"I didn't know this was your sister's wedding."

"Yeah."

Arthit nods, and they stand in silence for awhile. Finally, Arthit turns to him. "So the venue is nice, right?"

Kongpob glances around before giving a short nod.

The other copies his action before smiling. "And I actually really like the band. Usually, I prefer playlists on speakers." He gives a small laugh, though Kongpob doesn't join in.

Kongpob looks to the band on the small stage set up in front of the dance floor before turning back to the elder. "Arthit," he says, making the other look to him, "I know you're not entirely comfortable with how I feel...," he gives the other time to cut him off or walk away. Arthit doesn't. He continues: "But if you keep talking to me like this, please don't."

Arthit frowns, brows drawing together.

The younger male takes a small breath before finishing: "Because it gives me hope that you feel the same."

Arthit stares at him, eyes wide. Kongpob gives him a short before turning and walking off.

Maybe there's still some tiramisu left.

Chapter Text

The night should be ending soon, but the party just keeps going. His sister is still dancing, though her shoes are now off and thrown who knows where, and her husband goes along with her whims, twirling her around the dance floor and dropping unexpected kisses to her face, making her giggle and the rest of the guests coo.

At some point during the party, Kongpob ended up with champagne in his hand, and now he's pleasantly buzzed, limbs and lips a bit looser. He dances a bit more freely, and he doesn't immediately turn down the guy who approached him earlier. They dance, but then the guy tries to kiss him, so Kongpob sticks a hand between their faces before he can, and then he leaves the dance floor, heading to the nearest table and setting his fourth glass down. He doesn't quite know where the other three went, and perhaps he's a bit more than buzzed.

That's okay, though!

He's been sitting for a little more than a couple of minutes, just rocking back and forth to the music, when a hand enters his line of sight. Kongpob leans back before looking up.

"Arthit," he says, smiling slightly, before his gaze drops back to the other's hand. "What?"

"I asked if you want to dance with me," Arthit says, and Kongpob assumes it must be 'says again' because the elder states he already 'asked.'

Kongpob stares at Arthit's hand for another couple of seconds before taking it. Why not? And, maybe, this is Arthit's way of coming to him.

The other pulls him up, and Kongpob stumbles some, so Arthit grabs the back of his suit jacket as Kongpob's arms wrap around the shorter's waist. They stare at each other when they realize this has brought them to be chest-to-chest.

Finally, Arthit says, "I'm going to take a couple steps back. You just follow me."

Kongpob nods, and Arthit does as he said he would, Kongpob shuffling along. He's not actually that drunk, he doesn't think, but if acting like he's stupid drunk is enough to get Arthit this close to him, he's not going to act like he isn't . They finally get to the dance floor, and it's there that Arthit apologizes again.

Kongpob tilts his head, and he realizes he can't have the conversation he wants if the other thinks he's drunk. He moves closer to the elder. "I'm sorry, too," he says, "but what was it you told me? Either stop apologizing or stop talking to me?"

Arthit turns his head so his nose is pressed to the younger's temple, making it easier for Kongpob to hear. "Well, I don't want to stop talking to you. And you—I wasn't uncomfortable." They both sway to the music for awhile, and it's no longer the band playing, but some playlist. Kongpob wonders if Arthit still likes playlists over bands, or if his opinion has changed over the course of an hour.

He brings the elder closer, and Arthit doesn't try to get away. Kongpob closes his eyes and takes in the moment as best as he can.

"You're not actually drunk, are you?" the elder finally asks.

Kongpob shakes his head without forcing Arthit to move away to the best of his abilities. "Not really. I wouldn't say I'm sober, but my head's clearing up now."

"Good," Arthit says back.

Kongpob nods, and Arthit's nose tickles as it brushes against his face. "Just give me a dance or two," he says. "Then I'll be fine."

Arthit is silent for awhile before he responds. "Okay."

The crowd on the floor is beginning to thin when Kongpob finally deems himself ready for this conversation. He lifts his head from where it fell on Arthit's shoulder. The elder has his eyes closed, his own head still leaning on the younger's shoulder. Kongpob smiles as Arthit stands straight, the flush on his cheeks less prominent in the dark, but still visible.

Kongpob's smile stretches wider.

When he sees the younger's expression, Arthit looks away.

"Stop," he orders. "Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?" Kongpob asks.

Arthit still isn't looking at him. "Like that ."

Kongpob can't get rid of his smile, and finally, Arthit turns to him. "You're technically engaged to Prae," he says.

Kongpob thinks about the ring in his parents' room. "Sure."

"And you hate disappointing your parents."

Kongpob thinks about the past semester. "Yeah."

"And you know I'm graduating at the end of the year," he says.

Kongpob thinks about their first real fight. "I know."

Arthit looks at a point behind the younger. Kongpob lets him. "And you know I like to read lame, pretentious novels."

Kongpob can't look anywhere but at the elder's face.

Arthit continues: "I'm incredibly lazy. I can sleep all day. I can be incredibly selfish and stupid, and I whine a lot and get annoyed easily. And you know all of this, so...," he trails off, and how can his cheeks get so red? Arthit clears his throat, meeting Kongpob's eyes. "Despite knowing all of this, can you accept me?"

Kongpob can't find the words needed to express how he feels. He licks his lips and tilts his head. "Yes. I can." He hesitates before gathering his courage, heart pounding heavy in his chest. "What about you? Can you accept me?"

Arthit hesitates, and Kongpob's heart begins to crumble. "I'm afraid... for me and for you," Arthit says, quiet but still audible over the music. He lifts his head some to look Kongpob in the eye. "But I'm willing to be brave."

Kongpob leans in closer. Arthit doesn't move away. "What do you mean?" Kongpob asks, knowing full well what the other means.

Arthit stares into his eyes for less than a second before tilting his head forward and bringing their lips together. At this turn of events, Kongpob isn't sure he's not drunk.

After a solid couple of seconds, Arthit pulls away, and when a light slides across his face, Kongpob is pleased to see the blush spreading on his cheeks. "That's what I mean," Arthit murmurs, Kongpob uncertain if he actually heard right.

The smile that had started to grow on Kongpob's face during their kiss begins to widen. Arthit catches this and shakes his head. "You're a terrible kisser, by the way."

"I'm not," the younger argues, attempting to move in closer even though there's plenty of space around them. He just wants to be near to the elder. "I'm just really happy right now."

Arthit makes a noise, looking away, before he says, "Me too."

Kongpob rests his head on the elder's. "I'll prove to you I'm a good kisser."

"Whatever."

The song comes to an end, and the two, who had begun to sway back and forth with the music, come to a stop. Arthit clears his throat, hands sliding from the younger's back to his waist then down to the elder's sides. Kongpob keeps his arms around his senior.

"Oh," Kongpob says, "by the way, why are you here?"

"You don't remember?" Arthit asks.

Kongpob tilts his head. "Don't remember?"

"You said I looked good in any color," Arthit says.

Kongpob thinks for a moment before his eyes widen. "This is your cousin's wedding? Your cousin married my sister?"

Arthit nods, and Kongpob thinks about just how little he knows about his sister now. He shakes his head. "That's actually crazy." He feels more than hears Arthit laugh. Kongpob closes his eyes as a new song starts up. He lets out a small sigh. "I missed you, Arthit."

The elder makes an odd noise as he hits the younger's chest. "What are you saying? Don't say such embarrassing things."

"What's embarrassing about it?" Kongpob asks. "Friends say they miss each other all the time." He pauses before his head cocks to the side and a sly smile grows on his face. "But I wouldn't quite say we're friends anymore."

Arthit doesn't look at him, so Kongpob laughs, touching his nose to the other's cheek. "I'm sorry," he says. "I'll stop... for now."

"Kongpob!"

❈ ❈ ❈

He wakes to an incessant knocking at his door. The only person he knows who can wake up earlier than himself is his sister. He sits up and glares at the door before going to open it. Then he glares at his sister.

She doesn't care, however, near-skipping into the room, humming.

"Good morning, dear brother," she greets with a small wave as she throws herself down onto his bed, still humming to herself.

Kongpob's glare doesn't listen. "Shouldn't you not be able to walk right now?"

For his words, he gets an offended gasp and a pillow chucked at his head. "Kongpob! When did you get so dirty-minded?"

"Anything to get you out of my room," he says, and his sister laughs before sitting up and patting the space next to her.

He takes a seat. She leans on him, wrapping an arm around his waist. Kongpob lets her, closing his eyes. "So why aren't you enjoying early morning matrimonial bliss?"

His sister is quiet for a second before replying: "When were you going to tell me you found love at my wedding?"

"What?"

His sister sits up, looking at him. "I heard you were getting some on the dance floor, is this true?"

Kongpob stares at her, eyes wide, before blinking twice. "I wasn't getting anything."

In response, he receives a flat look. He shrugs his shoulders. "I don't know what you want me to say."

His sister studies him before sighing. "I don't care if the one you were kissing was a guy," she finally says. "I saw you dancing with Candy's younger brother, anyway. That was way too close for a straight guy."

Had Kongpob been drinking something, he would've started choking. Instead, he sucks in a breath and looks away. "Right." His cheeks heat, thinking about his sister seeing him with a guy. It's just... weird to think about. "You saw that."

"Of course I did," she replies. "And I'm sad I didn't get to see you kissing my husband's cousin. I would've loved to get a picture." Kongpob can practically hear the pout in her voice.

The boy rolls his eyes. "Don't be weird." He crosses his arms, and he hears his sister make a soft noise.

"Kongpob," she begins, "what's wrong? Are you... ashamed of it?"

Kongpob looks at her, cheeks still red. "There's nothing to be ashamed of, is there?"

His sister shakes her head.

"Then no," Kongpob replies. "I'm just embarrassed. Not even about the guy thing, though I admit, I was scared at first. But no, it really is embarrassing to talk about."

If Arthit feels like this all the time, no wonder he's always so red.

Kongpob uncrosses his arms when his sister places a light hand on his shoulder. "Don't be embarrassed," she says. "I think it's cute and precious and so super wholesome that my brother found a boyfriend at my wedding. That's such a nice story to tell."

"He's not my boyfriend," Kongpob says immediately, to his sister's disappointment. He shakes his head, looking at her. "He's not my boyfriend yet ."

Chailai immediately brightens, sitting up straighter. "Well, then," she says, "who am I to impede your imminent get-together? Go get him, Kong!" She gives him a light-hearted shove, but Kongpob remains where he is.

"But he's not a morning person, so that'll have to wait until this afternoon."

His sister stares at him for a solid few seconds before laughing. "Oh, wow," she says, "you must really like this guy."

Kongpob can't argue. "Yeah," he says quietly.

His sister lets out a soft breath before nodding. "Well, I'm happy to see you. I can pay for your ride home." She smiles at him, and he smiles back before she pulls him into a hug. "I love you."

Kongpob closes her eyes, taking in her comforting scent. "I love you, too."

His sister doesn't stay for much longer after that, mainly because she knows Kongpob won't let her. It's only as she's leaving that she pauses.

"By the way," she says, "where's your phone?"

Kongpob holds up empty hands. "Mom and Dad took it. They found out I like... yeah. So they took it." That also reminds him about his engagement to Prae. They both know the wedding isn't going to happen, but how will he tell his parents? He swallows. He'll deal with that later.

"They took it?" his sister repeats before shaking her head. "I'll get you a new one. My bridesmaid, June, the tall one, can give it to you. You'll be on our bill, but that's fine. Just don't go too overboard."

Kongpob stares at her, and she stares back. Finally, Kongpob realizes exactly what she's offering. He's quick to reject it. "No, that's too much; it's fine. They'll give me my phone back eventually, anyway."

"You think they won't have found a way to have all your texts sent to their phones?" she asks. "No way. Just accept it. It's like a reverse wedding gift."

Kongpob shakes his head, but he knows she can be stubborn. Eventually, he relents. "Fine," he says. "But as soon as I can, I'm paying you back."

His sister rolls her eyes, but he knows she knows how set in his ways he can be. "Fine," she agrees, really sounding related to him. "You win. It'll be given to you by noon."

Kongpob nods, and she rushes over to give him one last hug before heading out the door, giving him a sung goodbye! that makes him smile.

June gives him his phone with an easy smile and a reassurance that his sister managed to get their eldest sister to get into their parents' account and transfer all of Kongpob's contacts. Kongpob, who didn't even know that was possible, gives her and tells her to give his sister many thanks.

You
Did you know you can transfer contacts??
This is kongpob, btw
12:46pm

Arthit
you got your phone back??? but diff #???
12:47pm

You
You're awake??
12:47pm

Arthit
ha ha
12:48pm

You
Also no but my sister got me a phone
Hence the new number
12:50pm

Arthit
your sister must be nice
12:51pm

You
She is
12:51pm

You
Meet me in 104??
12:54pm

Arthit
ok
12:58pm

Kongpob is already waiting with the door open by the time the elder arrives. He watches Arthit get off the elevator and walk down the hall, a smile on his face all the while. Arthit shakes his head at Kongpob's expression and holds a hand up when Kongpob leans forward to kiss him, making the younger kiss the back of his hand instead.

"Not out here!" Arthit reprimands, so Kongpob takes his wrist and pulls the shorter into his room.

Arthit follows easily, though his face is stern. As soon as the door shuts, Kongpob is pulling him close and dropping a light kiss to his cheek, though he wishes it were to the elder's lips.

"Hi," he says when he pulls away.

Arthit's pink-cheeked as he looks to the window. "Hi."

"So," Kongpob begins, "about last night... you... kissed me."

"I know," Arthit says, and he's no longer just pink-cheeked but also pink-eared.

Kongpob begins to smile. "So I'm wondering what that means for us."

"What do you mean?" Arthit asks, and Kongpob can't just let this opportunity go, the words an echo of those spoken by him the night before, making Kongpob take the Arthit's face in his hands and bringing him into a kiss.

The elder responds quickly, hands coming up to clutch at Kongpob's shoulders, before the younger is pulling away, another smile sprouting on his lips. "Friends don't kiss like that."

Arthit is flushed when he replies, "No, they don't."

"So that's why I was thinking...," Arthit looks at him, so Kongpob smiles, " boyfriends ."

Arthit goes back to looking away from him, making a laugh fall from Kongpob's lips. "Yeah," the elder agrees, quiet. "Boyfriends."

The elder came with his parents, and though he's red-cheeked and pink-eared and stuttering, he offers the younger a spot in the car with his family. When he introduces Kongpob to his parents, his mother is quick to coo and fawn over Kongpob and his father shakes his hand, and though Arthit didn't explicitly introduce him as Kongpob, my boyfriend , it sure feels a lot like he did.

Kongpob is already smiling on the drive back, and when Arthit falls asleep and his head falls onto the younger's shoulder, his smile only manages to grow wider.

❈ ❈ ❈

His parents aren't coming back until five days after New Years', so Kongpob has the house to himself for what feels like the entirety of Christmas break.

He texts Prae, informing her of his sister's wedding and his new phone, excluding only the highlight of the event, and she replies with a bunch of exclamation points and a question of whether or not she can come over, and he tells her she can and that his parents aren't home, and she replies perfect .

When she arrives, she's in a hat and scarf that can be nothing less than designer, though Kongpob didn't even know that those things could be designer, and she tugs them off only to throw them luxuriantly onto the couch then collapse onto the cushion after them.

Kongpob takes a seat next to her. She lays her head in his lap.

"I love your sister," Prae says.

"Hey," Kongpob responds, "she's a married woman now. Hands off."

Prae laughs, and it's like music. Kongpob smiles, then frowns when he remembers he still has to tell her. But how?

The girl seems to notice Kongpob's mood change, lifting a hand to pull his ear. "Hey," she says, "what's going on?"

"Nothing," Kongpob replies. "Just missing my parents, I guess."

"I call BS, but okay."

Kongpob tilts his head as Prae lights up. "I've got an idea."

"What?"

Prae sits up, nearly hitting her forehead on Kongpob's chin. He leans back as Prae turns to him excitedly. "You should throw a New Years' party!"

"I should throw... a New Years' party?" Kongpob makes a face as Prae nods.

"Yeah, you can invite the usual squad, and maybe...," she gives him a suggestive look and Kongpob is quick to shake his head.

"No way." He holds a hand up. "Not just because my parents might find out, but because what if he's uncomfortable? I don't want him to be uncomfortable."

Prae rolls her eyes. "It's not that big of a deal! Just invite him over and tell him who's coming. If he doesn't come, he doesn't come."

Kongpob chews his lip thoughtfully before shrugging. "I don't know. I'll agree, but hesitantly."

"Hesitantly agreeing is better than no agreeing," Prae says.

And that's how she gets him to send a mass text out to their friend group plus Arthit, who, Prae adds, should be allowed to bring his friends. Kongpob, knowing he'll do whatever it takes to make the elder feel comfortable, is quick to add that in a separate text to just the elder.

Less than an hour later, they get a near same response from everyone, even Arthit: I'll be there.

Out of some twisted sympathy, Prae tells him she can get the supplies for the party since she's the one who convinced him to throw it.

She refuses to tell him how much she spent when she gets back.

❈ ❈ ❈

Aim shows up at six-thirty. May and Maprang show up at seven. Tew arrives at seven-fifteen, and Oak, a couple minutes after. It isn't until eight-thirty that Arthit shows up, his usual gang in tow.

"I tried to stop them," he says when Kongpob opens the door and looks behind him to the other seniors, "but they were stronger than me."

"The power of teamwork!" Bright cries from behind the other.

Kongpob smiles. "That's totally fine." He welcomes the others in, only for Arthit to falter when he's met by five pairs of eyes and not a single one of them belonging to Kongpob or Prae. Kongpob moves to stand by him. "You can trust Tew," he murmurs to the elder.

Arthit looks over at him. "I can't trust all of these people?"

Kongpob shakes his head. "Glasses boy and the buff one, those are Oak and Aim."

Arthit looks at the other two before nodding. "Ah."

"Maprang is Prae's friend," Kongpob says. "I talk to her, but not a lot. May is the book club person."

Arthit hums. "I see."

Prae comes out of the kitchen then, clapping her hands together to draw everyone's attention. "The food is done! It's all lined up on the bar." She turns to Kongpob. "Mind if I hook up my phone to the speakers?"

Kongpob shakes his head, and she claps her hands again before pulling out her phone. Within a few moments, music is blasting through the speakers set up in the corners of the living room. At the song, Prae's eyes widen and she grins as she moves to take Kongpob's hands. Kongpob doesn't miss the way her smile turns apologetic when she looks to Arthit. Either way, she doesn't let go. "I love this song!"

Steadily, this devolves into everyone dancing and drinking, eating and talking, or, if your Kongpob, dancing with a girl you don't like all while staring longingly at the guy you do you like.

"Hey," Prae whispers to him, "get it together. These people think we're together."

"Then why would I invite over Arthit?" Kongpob asks.

Prae frowns. "To cheer you up. Also, I know something is going on between you two. What happened?"

He could do it. Arthit and him are boyfriends, so he could give Prae what she wants—the one thing involving him that he knows she wants. Everyone he actually cares a bit about is around, so he feels like this is a major risk if they overhear, but the music should be loud enough, right?

Prae watches him with dark eyes.

He gives in. "Fine." He releases her hands, instead moving over to Arthit, who's been leaning against the wall, nursing a drink and occasionally nodding his head to the beat of whatever song is playing. The elder's eyes widen when he sees Kongpob approaching, but the younger doesn't stop, instead reaching out to grab his wrist and pull him over to where Prae stands, dancing alone to the music. She stops when they reach her.

"Prae," Kongpob says, and his hand slides down the elder's wrist some so his fingers are pressing into Arthit's palm. Her eyes light up as he lets out a breath. "Prae," he repeats, "this is Arthit, my boyfriend."

Her uncharacteristic shriek gains the attention of the other partygoers, and Arthit is quick to pull his wrist out of Kongpob's grasp. Prae's hands fly to her mouth before she waves at the others, shouting a quick, "It's fine!"

As soon as everyone is focusing on something else, Prae moves closer. "I'm so happy for you," she says. She looks from Kongpob to Arthit. "Both of you." She pulls them into a hug, and there's no way other people aren't looking again. "You deserve it."

"Prae," Kongpob whispers, wrapping an arm around her and hugging her back. Eventually, he feels Arthit do the same. God, they probably look so weird.

Arthit is the first to attempt to pull away, clearing his throat and blinking. Kongpob turns his head to hide a smile. "Um," the eldest says, "thanks."

Prae grins at them, shrugging. "It's true." She takes Kongpob's hands again. "Sorry that I have to dance with your boyfriend, though."

"You don't have to," Kongpob says.

"But she should," Arthit argues. "You need to look together, especially now that we're...." He coughs into his fist.

Kongpob's smile dies some, but he sees the elder's point. "Okay," he nods his head, "but Arthit...," his smile turns coy, "don't be too jealous."

"Hey!" Arthit scolds, voice quiet yet stern. "Who says I'm jealous?"

Kongpob laughs as the elder moves to sit next to Knot on the couch. When he turns back to Prae, she's smiling softly at him. "What?" he asks.

"Nothing," Prae says. "I just think you guys are...." She shakes her head. "Don't worry about it."

So Kongpob doesn't.

He's talked to everyone at the party at least once, though some conversations lasted longer than others. Eventually, Kongpob finds himself down the hall in the bathroom, splashing his face with water then nearly dissociating from staring too intently at his reflection in the mirror. He shakes himself out one last time before opening the door and stepping out.

Only to nearly crash into May.

"Oh, Kongpob!" she says, taking a step back.

Kongpob ducks his head. "Sorry. I didn't see you there."

Their conversation was about books and schoolwork and how has your break been? He had seen her talk to Prem sometime before him, and he knows she's genuinely nice, if a bit misled at times. He smiles at her when she says, "It's fine."

Kongpob cocks his head when she seems conflicted over something. He's about to ask what's wrong when she glances around and pushes him back into the bathroom. He's grateful it's spacious. "What is it?" he asks.

In the bright lighting, it's clear to Kongpob that May is blushing, and she keeps glancing back at the door before shutting it, like she's afraid someone will see them. "Kongpob," May begins, and Kongpob leans slightly towards her. She lets out a breath. "I know you're dating Prae. But, I mean, you keep... the way you... sometimes when we—," she shakes her head before looking him in the eyes, "Kongpob, I like you!"

Kongpob hates that he has to tell her the truth. "May," he says softly, gently, not certain if he should touch her or not. Just by the tone of his voice, he thinks she knows what's to come. "I'm sorry," he continues, "but there's someone else that I like."

She nods, the small smile that had been on her face fading as the classic hair-tuck makes its reappearance. Kongpob lifts a brow, a silent question of whether or not she wants to be alone.

"I'm okay," she says. "Just... I'll be out in a bit."

Kongpob nods before sending her a smile and leaving her alone in the bathroom.

He hopes she doesn't realize that he said he likes someone else .

They all stumble out to Kongpob's backyard when it gets to be around midnight. City hall puts on a fireworks show, so they plan to watch that one, Oak being the one to start the countdown.

Prae somehow put a good amount of space between her and Kongpob, so the teen finds himself next to Arthit, glancing over as more and more seconds pass by. Surely no one would bat an eyelash if he—it's tradition to do that, right? No one would think anything of it. Prae wouldn't have given him space for any other reason.

From the corner of his eye, Kongpob realizes Arthit has been glancing over at him every couple of seconds. When Kongpob looks at him, the elder is quick to turn his head. They stay like that until Oak suddenly shouts, getting everyone's attention.

"A minute!" he says, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

Kongpob looks over at Arthit. Arthit is looking back at him.

"Thirty seconds!"

Kongpob takes a step closer. Arthit doesn't move.

"Twenty!"

Kongpob moves so he and Arthit are more in the shadows as Oak begins to count:

"Ten!"

Arthit swallows as Kongpob leans closer.

"Nine!"

But he doesn't lean away.

"Eight!"

Kongpob will have to thank Prae for this later.

"Seven!"

He places a hand on Arthit's waist, the other moving to the nape of his neck.

"Six!"

Arthit isn't looking at him, not consistently, but sometimes he'll glance at Kongpob from under his lashes, and it really is doing bad things to the younger's heart.

"Five!"

Kongpob brings their faces close, noses practically touching.

"Four!"

They're breathing the same air.

"Three?"

"Ready?" Kongpob asks the elder at the same time as the other's shout two!

"I—," Arthit begins.

"One!"

Kongpob crashes their lips together. It's awkward and messy, and their teeth end up clacking together painfully, but Kongpob wouldn't have it any other way.

When he pulls away, Arthit's eyes are still closed, and he tries to follow Kongpob's lips. The younger laughs, and the elder's eyes fly open. Kongpob gets a hit on the shoulder for his troubles. "You!" Arthit scolds.

Kongpob just keeps laughing.

Chapter Text

School starts up again without preamble. Again are the nights of little to no sleep and long school days and watching Arthit and his friends through the cafeteria windows. But now gone are the meetings in the library, the long walks down the hallway as May regales him with the details of her day up until lunch. It's a bit sad, considering Kongpob really did enjoy May's presence and considered her a good friend, but he knows she needs her space. At least she still sits with Maprang, Prae, and Kongpob.

Kongpob's parents came back a few days prior to school starting, and the Hawaiian sun must have warmed their hearts for they give Kongpob his phone back and no longer constrict the amount of time he stays at school after it ends. But Kongpob thinks about invaded privacy and the scent of vanilla and drops the phone into his backpack, where he plans to never touch it again.

Aim and Oak seem to think that they're best friends again after the party, so they're louder than ever when it comes to talking to Kongpob. He entertains them, giving responses and sometimes playing whatever game is open on their phones when the devices are passed to him, but otherwise, he keeps their friendship on a short leash, one that he can easily tug to make them let up.

Meanwhile, rendezvous with Arthit in the boys' restroom or empty stairwells or hallways are a lot more common, the two of them never touching, but always standing a bit too close. Kongpob doubts Oak and Aim are still creeping around, taking pictures, but if they are, he'll let them. He's not doing anything wrong, anyway.

"Did you know May confessed to me?" Kongpob asks Arthit during one of their beloved rendezvous.

"What?" the elder asks.

Kongpob nods, looking over at the other. "At the New Years' party. I came out of the bathroom, and she was there, and I said sorry because I almost bumped into her, but she told me it's okay then she pulled me into the bathroom and said she likes me."

"What'd you tell her?"

"That I like someone else," Kongpob answers truthfully.

Arthit looks over at him. "Not that you're with Prae?"

"I didn't think about that till after," Kongpob admits. "I can only hope she doesn't notice."

Arthit nods. "Yeah." He chews his lip thoughtfully, distracting Kongpob, making the taller focus on where the plump flesh is turning a pretty shade of red. "Kongpob," Arthit says, releasing his lip and making the younger meet his eyes, "do you think we're doing the right thing?"

"Well, I wouldn't say we're doing the wrong thing," Kongpob replies.

Arthit shakes his head. "But... okay, we're not, but what about the future? You're still engaged to Prae, you're parents still want you to love her, I'm graduating, you're going to have to move on with your life."

"What are you saying?" Kongpob is scared of the answer.

"I'm saying," Arthit begins carefully, "what if this relationship is holding you back? I don't want to be the reason you're future is bad."

"My future and whether it's good or bad or not depends only on me, don't you think?" Kongpob asks. "I don't want the one my parents have planned for me."

"But you care about your parents, don't you?" Arthit asks, and Kongpob nods.

"Yes, but I care about you, too."

"I'm not more important than your family," Arthit says.

Kongpob rolls his eyes. "Maybe not more , but arguably equal. And, Arthit, if this relationship were holding me back, I'd tell you. I get that in the past I haven't been the best at sharing what's going on in my life, but I'm trying."

Arthit begins to nod, so Kongpob finishes his argument:

"Besides," he says, a smile beginning to tug at his lips, "didn't you say you're willing to be brave?"

Arthit flushes pink.

The smile on Kongpob's face only grows. "Then that involves having the courage to continue this relationship, even if you think it might not be okay." He leans forward to touch foreheads with the elder. "It was brave of you to talk to me about this, anyway."

"Who said it took courage?" Arthit asks, cheeks darkening, and Kongpob can feel the heat radiating off the elder's face.

Kongpob smiles. "I did."

Arthit hesitates before pulling back, and Kongpob is about to frown, when the elder bumps their noses together. It takes everything in Kongpob not to grab the other's cheeks and kiss him right then and there. "Fine," Arthit says. He's still red. "But you better tell me. Or else."

Before, Kongpob would flinch at the 'or else,' but now, he grins. "Of course, Arthit. I will."

❈ ❈ ❈

Of course, nothing good can last forever.

Kongpob's world comes crashing down when Aim stops him after class Thursday and says, "At the party, I saw you. You and Arthit."

Kongpob freezes, turning around. "What?"

Aim is blushing, not meeting his eyes. "When we were outside, you took Arthit into the shadows. I wasn't thinking about it until I realized what comes after 'one.'"

Kongpob is glad he never truly forgave the other. "So what?" Kongpob asks, immediately defensive. "Did you tell Oak? Take pictures? A video?"

Aim shakes his head. "No! No, no, no. Oak doesn't know. In fact, I might've been the only one who noticed, and I only did because I was going to grab my drink—I left it inside—and had to turn around to go back inside."

Kongpob lets out a breath, still not entirely trusting the other's words. "Right."

Aim moves closer to him. "I swear, Kong. I've never wanted to hurt you.”

Again, Kongpob says, "Right." Sarcasm sharpens the word.

Aim bites his lip. "Really," he tries, "I won't tell anyone. But... why wouldn't you tell me? Would you ever tell me?"

Kongpob doesn't know. He says as much. "And besides," he adds, "it isn't really your business."

"But I'm your friend," Aim argues.

"Sure," Kongpob finally relents, "but that doesn't mean I have to tell you."

Aim doesn't have a response.

Kongpob turns around.

He's about to walk away when his friend grabs his arm. "Hey," Aim says, "I just wanted to say then...."

Kongpob looks back at him and sees the other wearing a slight and awkward smile.

"Congratulations."

Kongpob gives the other a hesitant smile back. "Thanks."

Aim lets him go.

❈ ❈ ❈

Kongpob is supposed to bring Prae over for dinner again. He tells her as much at lunch. She nods and agrees to meet him after the student council meeting.

Despite having to meet Prae, Kongpob does not stop Tew from talking to him after the meeting ends. "Hey," he greets instead.

Tew studies him for a second, and Kongpob grows concerned. Finally, the other says, "You seem different."

"Different?" Kongpob asks. "How?"

"Happier," Tew answers. "What's going on?"

Kongpob swallows. "Nothing. Nothing's going on."

"Hey," Tew says, "you can be honest, you know. I won't say anything."

Right. Kongpob knows, but he doesn't want to tell the other. Well, he does, but what if Arthit doesn't want him to? Aim only knows about the kiss, and yes, Kongpob is happy about that, but he's mostly happy because of the fact that he and Arthit are—

"Kongpob? Are you still in here?"

Both Tew and Kongpob look over to where Prae has entered the room. She freezes when she sees two pairs of eyes staring at her instead of just one.

"Oh, Tew," she says, "hi."

"Hi," Tew greets back. "You're coming to meet... Kongpob?"

She nods. "Date night."

Kongpob freezes, worried about how Tew might react, right as Tew looks over to him, eyes wide.

"But, I thought...," he points to Kongpob before looking back over at Prae, "you and Kongpob?"

"No!" Kongpob changes his thoughts. "It's—Prae, Tew knows."

"Tew knows?" she asks. "About...?"

"About me," Kongpob says. "That I'm gay."

Prae is silent for awhile, just taking in the two, before looking back at Kongpob. "And does he know about...?"

"No," Tew answers for Kongpob, though Kongpob is pretty sure she was asking about herself and not his relationship with Arthit. "That's what I'm trying to find out. Who's got this guy so happy?"

"Don't tell him!" Kongpob shouts when Prae opens her mouth.

The girl closes it with a laugh. "Fine, Kong. I won't. But you'll have to tell him sometime." She tilts her head. "So... how did he find out?"

"I told him," Kongpob admits. "He said something about Arthit, and I couldn't stop thinking about what he said, and I want to tell people, so I told him."

Prae looks to Tew, who nods his head quickly. She smiles. "That's cool. So are we still going to go or...?"

Kongpob nods, looking to Tew. "We really are going on a date night, even if it's more like 'friends.' Our parents put us together."

"Ah," Tew says. "I'm sorry."

"We're still really good friends, though," Prae says.

Tew looks to her then. "So have you ever had a crush on Kongpob?" he asks, making the girl laugh.

"I've never," she answers, "but if I ever did, it's not like I would tell you."

Tew nods. "Right."

Prae motions to Kongpob then, and he bids the other goodbye.

"You'll tell me what's got you happy sooner or later!" Tew shouts to him as he leaves. Kongpob gives an easy wave in reply.

❈ ❈ ❈

They're eating dinner when Kongpob's father says, "I suppose it's time we've been honest with you, Kongpob."

Kongpob looks over at him. "Sorry?"

His mother sets down her spoon. "We've been receiving any texts you get or send."

Kongpob suspected as much, but he feigns shock. "Wow, that's... awkward."

His father gives him a tight-lipped smile. "It would be, but we noticed you haven't been sending any nor receiving. What's going on?"

Kongpob can't look away. If he looks away, they'll know he's not telling the truth. "I've gotten used to not having a phone," he says. "I tend to leave it off."

"I see," his father hums as his mother nods.

Kongpob smiles. "So that's why I never get messages."

His parents are silent for awhile before his mother claps her hands together, oddly reminiscent of the way Prae did at the party. "That's good, then." It's a useless sentence. Kongpob's father frowns as Kongpob goes back to his meal. They finish their meal in silence.

❈ ❈ ❈

Arthit is still at school after Kongpob's student council meeting, so the younger, of course, has to spend more time with him.

"Do you think my parents would just explode if you came over to meet them?" Kongpob asks.

"Do you want to cause my early death?" Arthit replies.

Kongpob laughs, but he's got a bitter taste on his tongue that doesn't go away even when he brushes his lips against the elder's cheek. "It couldn't be that bad." The for you goes unsaid, yet Arthit seems to hear it, anyway, for he frowns and leans away.

"Maybe," he says, "maybe not." He doesn't get close to Kongpob again.

Kongpob begins to frown, too. "Let's stick with the 'maybe not,'" he says. "I don't like thinking about it all going wrong." Either way, it can't get worse than the way it was before break, could it?

He doesn't know, and that terrifies him.

Arthit sighs and looks over at him, and, upon seeing the frown on the younger's face, lifts a hand to brush away a strand of hair that had fallen in Kongpob's eyes. "Hey," Arthit says softly, "I'm sorry. I don't want to always bring you down, but you need to be realistic."

"What's wrong with being unrealistic?" Kongpob asks, looking to the elder. "I hate to say this, but they wouldn't disown me, not really. I have to leave first. Then, I'll be in the wrong, and they'll be fine. If I introduced you to them, they wouldn't be nice, but they won't do anything."

"What about your dad?" Arthit asks.

Kongpob frowns. "What about him?"

Arthit's fingers touch his cheek, and Kongpob's eyes widen before he brings his hand up to hold the elder's.

"What?" he asks again.

Arthit pulls his hand away. "The 'or else'?"

"It's not that bad," Kongpob says. "And it doesn't happen often. They really have it together."

Arthit lets out a breath before nodding. "I see."

"Yeah."

They sit in silence for awhile, but then Kongpob knocks their shoulders together. "So how does it feel?"

"What?"

Kongpob does it again. "To only have four months of high school left."

"I'm surprised you're asking me about that," Arthit says, a small smile growing on his face.

Kongpob smiles back though it's tinged with a persistent sadness. "I figured you might want to talk about it. I was always just sad to think about you leaving, but thinking about it now, you probably want to talk about it, don't you?"

Arthit's smile widens. "A bit. It's exciting. I'll be going to college, so it's not like I'm quite in the real world, there's still a cushion, but I'll really be on my own. I don't know what lies ahead, but I am excited."

"Yeah?" Some of the sadness dissipates from Kongpob's smile. "That's good. Where are you going?"

"It's in the city," Arthit answers. "I'll have to stay on-campus my first year, but I know I'll stay for the other three, too. It's easier, you know?"

Kongpob nods, the last traces of sadness disappearing. Sure, he'll be filled with longing again, later, but for now, the idea of his boyfriend being out there on his own, basically an adult—it's exciting. He's not even the one graduating, and his heart is giddy. "I know." He leans in close, forcing Arthit to back up some so he doesn't go cross-eyed. "You'll have to let me visit sometime."

"Hey," Arthit says, flushing, "that's only a maybe."

"Really?" Kongpob asks. "You won't let your boyfriend visit you in university?"

"Only if you're good," Arthit responds.

Kongpob grins. "I can be a very good boy, Arthit."

The elder turns away, coughing, cheeks red. "Why does that sound so dirty?" he asks.

The younger laughs. "I only mean that I'll do what you want me to. Nothing dirty. Unless you want it to be?"

Arthit shoves him. "No way! Pervert." His ears are red. It's adorable.

Kongpob bites his tongue to keep back the L-word.

❈ ❈ ❈

Kongpob texts Arthit that he'll be heading home early that day, not stopping by their usual place, but to know that if he were to drop by, he'd kiss Arthit senseless.

Arthit
is that ur way of sexting
2:48pm

Kongpob nearly drops his phone.

You
Aren't u brave
2:49pm

Arthit
u can't see me blushing so
2:50pm

You
Clever
2:50pm

You
Cute
2:52pm

He gets home to find his mother in the kitchen, hair in a stern bun atop her head, an apron around her waist.

"Afternoon," he greets. "I'm home."

Her acknowledgement of him is a hum. Kongpob's kind of tired of this. "Usually, a mom greets her mother with a hug or a kiss or something ."

"Sons are usually more appreciative of their mothers," the woman replies.

Kongpob bites back a curse. "Mothers are usually more caring of their sons."

His mother turns around, hands on her hips. "I don't know what you want me to do? Do you think I don't care? Yes, I do."

"Why don't you act like it, then?" Kongpob snaps back. "You never listen to me. You only care about your image. You spy on me, invade my privacy! You see me as a business transaction! You pawned me off to the Kengklakorns! Ignoring the fact that they did the same with Prae."

His mother throws her spoon at him, and he ducks. Sauce gets on the wall. Kongpob points to the stain. "See?" he says. "If that hit me, that could be considered abuse. When Dad hit me, that was abuse! Or what about when you ignored me?"

"What about it?" his mother asks.

Kongpob's hands are fists at his sides. "What do you mean what about it? That's neglect! Do you not see what's wrong with the way you treat me?"

His mother turns up her nose. "It might not be the best, but it's discipline. You aren't supposed to like it."

"Why are you disciplining me?" Kongpob asks, and he hates the way his voice turns into a whine. He's not trying to be whiny. He's trying to be serious. "What am I doing wrong? Is it because I'm—"

He doesn't let himself finish his sentence. He's sure his mom knows, having seen the pictures, his texts. But he doesn't want to say it outright like that, not to her. Not when he's angry and red in the face and hurt and ready to cry.

His mother moves closer, and he moves away. His back hits the wall.

When she speaks, her voice is quiet. "Because you're what ?" she asks. "What are you?"

And it doesn't matter if he wants to say it now or not because he's really going to have to say it now, isn't he? He can't just live with this weird grey of is he? isn't he? with his mother. But how many more times in his life is he going to have to say this? When will he not have to answer anymore? He doesn't know.

Kongpob sucks in a breath, and he hates the way something pricks and stings in his chest. He wants to say this with a smile, but he just really, really wants to cry.

"Mom," Kongpob says, voice cracking, "I think I'm—no, I know I'm... I'm gay."

He doesn't know why he hesitated. Maybe because it's his mother, he doesn't know. He repeats his last two words once more to himself just to feel better. His mother lets out a soft noise. He doesn't know if that's good or bad. He doesn't want to look at her.

"I...." He hears footsteps. Then, nothing.

Kongpob lifts his head. He's alone in the kitchen. When he moves away from the wall, there's sauce stuck on the back of his shirt. He makes a face and pulls the shirt off. He'll just throw it out.

❈ ❈ ❈

The next day at school, Kongpob can't bring himself to talk to anyone. Prae tries to hold an easy conversation with him, but for the most part, he just gives back one-word answers. Eventually, the girl stops trying.

❈ ❈ ❈

He barely talks to Arthit, and the elder obviously notices because he sends the younger concerned looks every three seconds, but Arthit, Kongpob knows, has never been one to push him, not with questions, merely waiting for the other to open up, so he just sits with the younger in the courtyard, their entire sides pressed together, Kongpob's head resting on Arthit's shoulder.

Arthit has to have noticed that Kongpob doesn't let them sit in some secluded area, instead choosing a place visible to nearly anyone passing by, But, for all he cares about the younger's reputation, he doesn't comment on this either, simply letting Kongpob choose where they sit and how.

Kongpob takes the elder's hand, and he feels the way Arthit's fingers initially twitch in an attempt to break free, but the shorter of the two never actually tries to pull his hand away, so Kongpob closes his eyes and laces their fingers together.

❈ ❈ ❈

"You did this Friday, too," Arthit says when Kongpob holds his hand in the courtyard after school.

"Does it bother you?" Kongpob asks. "You never stopped me. I'll admit I didn't think about how you might feel."

He swears he feels the elder press a kiss to the top of his head. "I'd let you know if I didn't like it. But... I don't mind."

Kongpob smiles. "Good."

"But why?" Arthit asks. "Aren't you still worried about...?"

"I used to," Kongpob admits. "They said they stopped, but I still didn't trust them. But now, even if they are taking pictures, it won't matter because I," he takes in a breath, "I told my mom."

"About us?" Arthit asks.

"No," Kongpob replies. "About me."

"You came out?" the elder questions, and Kongpob nods.

"After she threw a spoon at me, but I guess it's just like that."

"Are you okay?"

"She hasn't spoken to me."

"And your dad?"

Kongpob nuzzles his nose into the other's neck. "He's away. On a business trip. If she told him, he's not bothered enough to come home."

"So you assume she hasn't told him," Arthit says.

"Yeah."

Arthit's silent for awhile, then, "If you ever feel unsafe, you can always come stay with me."

Kongpob sits up, nearly hitting his head on the elder's chin. "Really?" He doesn't think that'll ever happen, but the proposition is exciting.

Arthit's blushing, and he looks nervous, but he nods. "Yes. Really." He squeezes his eyes shut before looking at Kongpob, squeezing the younger's hand and placing his free hand on the taller's shoulder. "I care about you. A lot."

Kongpob can feel a smile spreading on his face as he squeezes back. "I care about you a lot, too, Arthit."

The elder nods before letting out a breath and looking away, the tips of his ears turning red.

They sit there in silence for another couple of minutes before Arthit clears his throat and pats the younger's knee, making a smile form on Kongpob's face. Arthit looks over at him. "You should get going, yeah?"

Kongpob considers it before nodding. "I guess, though I prefer spending time with you."

Arthit rolls his eyes and gives him a shove. "Go."

Kongpob stands, but before he leaves, he leans down so his and the elder's faces are level. "Can I kiss you?"

Arthit's eyes widen. "Huh?" He glances around. "Here?"

Kongpob nods, expression pleasant. He too looks at the space around them. "No one else is here. Why not?"

Arthit looks around one more time before sighing. "Fine. But make it quick."

Kongpob grins before leaning forward to press a soft kiss to the elder's lips. "Bye, Arthit," he says when he pulls away.

Arthit is red. "Bye," he says back.

Kongpob takes another second to admire the elder, the way his hair shines in the light, his eyes a deep brown, the color of pure dark chocolate, bitter but oddly sweet, much like his boyfriend, before Arthit realizes and gives him a shove.

"Go!"

Kongpob laughs as he turns and walks away.

❈ ❈ ❈

At lunch, Kongpob asks Prae to go with him to the library. She looks confused, but agrees. If May sends Kongpob a look, he chooses to ignore it.

Once they're in the library, Kongpob leads her to the couples' corner. There's already a pair there, lips locked, girl positioned oddly on the guy's lap. Prae and Kongpob share a disgusted look before Kongpob clears his throat, and the two break apart. When they see who it is, the girl squeaks, grabs her things, and runs off. The guy glares at the pair, but he, too, binder suspiciously held in front of his crotch, leaves.

"You know," Prae says as she sits on the table, "if they actually planned to fuck here, that'd be kind of gross."

Kongpob nods. "This place is probably teeming with STDs. Prae, don't lick the table."

"As if," Prae snorts. They laugh before she tilts her head. "So what is it?"

Kongpob chews his lip before looking at her. "Should we call this off?"

"This?" she asks.

"Our relationship," Kongpob responds.

"I wouldn't necessarily complain," Prae says, "but... why?"

Kongpob lets out a breath. "I came out to my mom."

"Oh," Prae's eyes widen, " oh . So what happened?"

"She hasn't said a word to me in a week," Kongpob replies. "Not even pleasantries or pass the salt, Kongpob . Nothing."

"And your dad?" she asks.

"He got back from a trip yesterday," Kongpob answers. "I don't know what he thinks. I don't even know if she told him."

"Do you think she would?"

Kongpob shakes his head. He shrugs. "I don't even know."

"Do you want her to?"

That's easy. "No. I'll be entirely honest and say that I don't want to come out again, but I also would rather it be me than her. I don't trust her to tell him the right thing."

Prae nods. "That's understandable."

Kongpob nods too before swallowing. "So what are we going to do?"

"Well, as far as my parents are aware," Prae says, "I'm still trying to make you straight."

"Is it working?" Kongpob asks.

Prae gives him a flirtatious look. "You tell me." She leans forward to place a hand on his chest.

Kongpob daintily lifts her palm from his chest. "Not at all."

Prae laughs, the seductress slipping away, before the two settle into an easy silence. Finally, Prae says, "Look, if you want to break it off, that's fine, but I don't think our parents are going to let us go that easy, especially if your mom knows for sure you're gay. If you get married to me, it'll look good."

"That's true," Kongpob says, "but, and I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but for Christmas, my gift was more a gift for you."

Prae's brow furrows. "What do you mean?"

Kongpob lets out a breath. "They got me an engagement ring to give you when we graduate."

"You're kidding."

"I wish I was."

Prae lets out a groan. "Forget it, then," she says. "So how do we do this?"

"Do... this?" Kongpob asks, unsure if they're thinking about the same thing.

Prae nods. "Tell me, Kongpob, how are we going to break up?"

❈ ❈ ❈

They plan for it to be revealed at lunch. Everything will be implied. They've broken up some time before arriving to the cafeteria, no one quite knows when. They still want to stay friends and not traipse around in secret, so they decide to make it clear they aren't together but they're amicable.

It starts with Kongpob not sitting with Prae, but he still waves at her when she comes in. She waves back with a smile. Aim, who Kongpob chooses to sit with, sends him an odd look.

The next step is to have Prae do the same thing to other guys, so when she sees Aim, she waves, sees Oak, another wave, sees Tew, wave, so on so forth.

This gets people murmuring.

Arthit
are you Sure sure about this?
11:48am

You
More than
11:49am

The last step is the one that makes Kongpob want to throw up but gets rid of all the questions, the uncertainty. He made sure Arthit is fine with it, the last step being a big one, and the elder said he'll try to be okay. That made Kongpob hesitate, but Arthit was quick to tell him to just go through with it. He won't hold it against him.

"Only if you're sure," Kongpob had said.

"I'm sure," Arthit replied.

They sealed the deal with a kiss.

Now, Kongpob is telling Aim he'll be right back and getting up to go outside, where Arthit sits with his friends, Prem imitating taking pictures of Tootah as the other strikes various poses.

Kongpob takes a seat next to Arthit, who had scooted over best as he could to give the younger some room. "Hey," he greets.

"Hey yourself," Arthit replies.

Kongpob kisses his cheek.

Immediately, Bright is letting out a yell, pointing at the two. "What's this? A kiss on the cheek? Excuse me," he says, looking at the pair, "but you're quite affectionate with each other. May I ask if you're dating?"

Kongpob knows then that this really is just as big for Arthit as it is for him. He stops the response that was on his tongue from slipping out, instead looking at Arthit, who wraps an arm around Kongpob's shoulders.

"So what if we are?" the elder asks. "Who cares?"

Bright lets out another yell, clapping his hands together, as if this was some plot he'd been planning all along, while Knot's eyes widen, but he's smiling, and Tootah has a hand over his mouth, looking absolutely shocked. Prem gets a photo of the two of them, and Kongpob feels a spike of panic, but he sees Prem wears a quiet smile, one that slips into a smirk when he realizes Arthit and Kongpob are looking at them. "Can't wait to show this at your wedding," he says to them.

Arthit reaches across the table to take his camera, though Prem is well out of reach.

The grin spreading across Kongpob's face borderline hurts, but this pain, he kind of likes.

❈ ❈ ❈

Kongpob doesn't know how he feels when he sees Aim walking into his house, having been let in by his mother. She looks startled when she turns and sees her youngest standing at the foot of the stairs. Even with Aim there, she doesn't say anything. Kongpob sends her a smile before turning to Aim.

"What's up?" he asks.

Aim shifts awkwardly from foot to foot, looking to Kongpob's mother. When he looks back at Kongpob, guilt and worry clouding his expression, Kongpob shakes his head.

"It's alright," he says. "She already knows."

"When did you tell her?" Aim asks.

"Ignoring you and Oak," Kongpob replies with a terse smile, "I told her myself a week and some ago."

"Oh," Aim says.

Kongpob nods. "Yeah."

His mother looks faint. She, to Aim, excuses herself to her room.

Kongpob watches her go. He turns back to the other male. "I'm surprised she didn't forbid you from entering my room."

"We haven't gone yet," Aim replies.

Kongpob nods before heading up the stares. When Aim doesn't follow, he stops to glance behind at the other. "Don't tell me," he says, "you're afraid of entering my room instead?"

Aim shakes his head quickly. "No! I just...." He really looks guilty. Wow.

Kongpob turns back around. "Don't flatter yourself," he says. "There's already someone I like."

"It's Arthit, isn't it?" Aim asks as they proceed up the steps. "It is, isn't it?"

"Wonder what gave it away," Kongpob says. "Did you see us at lunch? Or were the pictures enough?" They reach his room, and he pushes the door open. He sits on his bed. Aim takes the chair. Kongpob watches him with speculative eyes.

Aim doesn't look at him. "I said I'm sorry."

"I know," Kongpob says. "It still hurts, though."

"Okay," Aim replies.

They sit in silence.

Kongpob shakes his head. "So why did you come?"

"What?" Aim sits up straight before blinking. "Oh, uh. Yeah, it was about Friday. Yesterday."

"What about it?"

"So are you two together?" Aim asks. "Are you two a thing? Or is it an experiment? Are both of you trying something new?"

"No," Kongpob replies, "we're together. A thing, like you said."

"What about Prae?" Aim asks.

"You got the damn pictures," Kongpob replies, feeling the beginning of a headache. "Look at them."

"I know!" Aim says. "But Prae might've still felt something."

"Prae knows better," Kongpob replies, the best thing he can say that isn't outing the girl. "No hard feelings. We really do love each other, just not in the way people expect us to."

Aim nods slowly. "So... you really like him."

Kongpob nods, too. "A lot."

"That's... cool," Aim says.

Kongpob tilts his head, the throbbing in his head still there, but lessening. "I thought you wouldn't like it."

"Not that," Aim replies. "I... don't get it. But it's... you really are my friend. I guess I was just worried. I really... I'm sorry, but I really thought it was Arthit, that he was changing you."

"Aim!" Kongpob sits up straight as his friend looks away. The headache is gone, but in its place is a pounding frustration.

"I know!" the other says quickly. "I just thought that way. I get that that's not what happened, but for awhile, I really thought that was the case."

"Even then," Kongpob replies, "it's not like Arthit is leading me down the path of darkness or whatever."

"A year ago," Aim says suddenly, softly, "that was real."

"It was," Kongpob agrees. "I've been like this... for a really long time."

Aim nods.

Kongpob leans back. "So none of this is Arthit's fault. No one is at fault. It's just how things turned out."

"Yeah."

"Yeah," Kongpob repeats, a lot of the negative emotions that make him tense up finally subsiding. "So Arthit and I are together, and that means we kiss and hold hands and like each other and sometimes I think I'm really in love with him. And that's just how it is."

Aim nods. "That's just how it is."

And then Aim, blushing, asks how he and Arthit got together, and Kongpob lights up, thinking about the wedding and Arthit's warmth and the music and champagne and he tells Aim everything, even when his friend squeaks and covers his face and tells him that's t oo much information he didn't need to know that about Arthit thank you .

❈ ❈ ❈

"So you and Arthit," Tew says as soon as the meeting ends.

Despite his semi-coming out on Friday, life has continued on normally, but Kongpob can feel stares on him at all times, and the VP kept glancing at him during the stuco meeting. No one says anything, though—probably because they're scared of him or his money or something. Ridiculous.

"Me and Arthit," Kongpob replies.

Tew makes a noise in his throat, a smirk on his face. "What'd I say?"

"What?" Kongpob asks. "What did you say?"

"You like someone," Tew says.

"That's it?" Kongpob asks, beginning to laugh. "That's all you said. So what, then?"

Tew still looks smug. Kongpob rolls his eyes. "I did like someone. Wow. Shocking." He pauses before he's the one who turns smug. "That means... what about your person? How is he?"

"What?" Tew begins to turn pink. "It's fine. He's fine."

Kongpob lifts a brow. "Sure."

As usual, they dissolve into jokes before they eventually have to go.

❈ ❈ ❈

May approaches him at lunch. Kongpob looks up from where he'd been talking to Aim.

"Hey," she says, sounding breathless, "come to the library with me?"

Kongpob pauses, staring at her, before nodding. "Okay."

He bids Aim goodbye before following her out into the hall. As they walk, she stares at her feet. Kongpob looks ahead for her. Finally, she says, "So that's who you like."

Kongpob glances over at her.

"Arthit," she says. "You like him."

Kongpob hesitates before making an affirmative noise. "Yeah. It's him."

"Did you ever like me?"

Kongpob sends her an apologetic look. "I—no. I'm sorry, May."

He's somewhat missed her hair-tuck habit. "It's fine," she says. "Sorry for, you know, not talking to you."

"Don't worry about it," Kongpob replies. "I wasn't sure if I should say anything, but...."

"No!" May waves a hand. "You did the right thing."

Kongpob smiles. "Alright. Well, library?" He pushes open the door, and she steps through.

"Library," she agrees.

❈ ❈ ❈

You
If I asked you out
On a date
Would you say yes?
12:23pm

Arthit
no
12:24pm

You
:(
12:25pm

Arthit
i'd say "sure"
12:26pm

❈ ❈ ❈

"Arthit," Kongpob says upon seeing the elder by the entrance of the school, "you're so mean to me."

Arthit acts aloof and unaware.

Kongpob smiles. "You really made me think you were going to reject me."

"And who's to say I didn't?" the other asks.

Kongpob lifts up their joint hands. "You."

Arthit rolls his eyes. "You got me. So where are we going?"

"I didn't say the date would be today," Kongpob replies, a smile on his face.

Arthit lifts a brow. "Then when will it be?"

Kongpob looks away before pulling his arm out from behind his back. "Arthit Rojnapat," he says, offering the elder a rose he may or may not have stole from his neighbor's flowerbeds, "will you join me on a date this Valentine's Day?"

Arthit stares at the rose before glancing around. Most nobody has arrived yet, so it's just them. He accepts the rose, then says, "You could've just asked me to be your Valentine, however cheesy that may be."

"Yeah," Kongpob agrees, "but I wasn't sure how you'd feel about that, and this is a way for me to give you a heads-up."

"Aren't you considerate?" Arthit asks, lifting his chin.

Kongpob smiles sweetly. Arthit sends him a flat look.

❈ ❈ ❈

His mother looks a mix of surprised and uncomfortable when Kongpob comes downstairs Thursday evening dressed to the nines and dabbing some cologne on his neck.

For someone who seems determined to ignore his existence, she does a piss poor job of it.

"Date," he tells her when she doesn't look away. "Not with Prae," he adds as he makes his way to the door. He gives her a wave, trying to appear as light-hearted as possible though his heart just gained twenty pounds and dropped like a weight to his feet, before disappearing out the door.

When he steps outside, he sees his father getting out of his car. Kongpob nods in his direction, and the man's brow furrows when he sees his son all dressed up. He must assume Kongpob and his mother are just having a tiff because he still speaks to Kongpob, though it's always short sentences or questions.

"Are you and Praepailin doing something for Valentine's Day?" he asks.

"No," Kongpob says, and he's so very afraid, and his heart is pounding in his chest, and he thinks he might throw up, but he's bold and brave and trying to be better, so he continues, "I'm going on a date with Arthit, you know. He's my senior."

His father blanches, and Kongpob sends him another nod before June, the tall bridesmaid at his sister's wedding, who also happened to live nearby and was very willing to lend Kongpob her car so long as he brings it back in one piece, pulls up to the curb.

She rolls down the window, hair messy and sunglasses on, though it isn't particularly sunny. She throws up a peace sign. "Hey," she calls to Kongpob. "Ready?"

Kongpob nods before turning back to his dad and pointing at her. "Lent me her car."

His father doesn't reply. Kongpob wonders if this is when the silence starts.

June leans closer to the window. "Ready?" she repeats.

Kongpob heads down to the car. He opens the door and gets in. "Ready."

Instead of beginning to drive, however, June scrutinizes him with narrowed eyes. Kongpob shifts under her stifling gaze. Finally, she reaches out to adjust Kongpob's collar and tie. But when Kongpob lowers the mirror to see what she changed, he realizes she's made it slightly rumpled. He sends her a confused look.

June begins to drive, explaining as she does so. "If he fixes it for you, he's the one."

"I don't think that's how it works," Kongpob says.

June doesn't look at it him as she says, "Sometimes that's how it does, though."

Kongpob gets into the driver's seat as soon as June is out of the car, and she repeats her words one more time, Kongpob nodding and saying a dismissive yeah yeah yeah but still sending her a thanks before he puts the car in reverse and backs out of her driveway.

Arthit lives on the other side of town, the houses not so grand, usually two storeys or less with a small backyard, unlike Kongpob's neighborhood's two-storeys-or-more with big pools and bigger yards. Kongpob smiles, however, when he sees some elementary kids playing around with a ball in the neighborhood's small park. The kids in his neighborhood do the same, though Kongpob, as a child, was never allowed to join in. Still, it's nice to see the similarities.

Kongpob finally reaches Arthit's house. He stops the car, takes a breath, before climbing out and heading up to the front door. It only takes a short while after knocking that the door opens to reveal a short woman with her hair up in a bun, glasses on the edge of her nose. She studies him carefully. "You are?"

"Kongpob!" Arthit appears suddenly behind her. "You're here! Hi!" He shoves past his mother to greet Kongpob before his eyes seem to lock onto his collar and his hands reach up to adjust the younger's tie. "Don't tell me you don't know how to tie a tie," he says, quietly.

Kongpob can't respond. He's fixated on the way the other's hands brush over his shoulders before falling back to his sides, the way Arthit looks with his hair loose and fluffy, not stiff with gel, the way the first thing he did was fix Kongpob's tie, something that, according to June, indicates he's the one . He's only in high school, so he doesn't really want to get stuck on that last bit of thought.

"Hi," he says.

Arthit looks up at him, hands coming back up to again fidget with his tie. "That's it?"

Kongpob looks to the woman behind Arthit, who hasn't stopped looking at him since he arrived. Arthit seems to realize who he's looking at, for he flushes and tries to push Kongpob to the car. Kongpob doesn't budge. "Kongpob," Arthit scolds, "let's go."

"No," Kongpob replies, gently moving him out of the way to introduce himself to the woman.

"Hello, we met at the wedding a month or so ago. You gave me a ride home?" He smiles. "I'm Kongpob Sutthilak."

Finally, the woman smiles back as her eyes slide briefly to her son before going back to the other. "Right, right! Nice to meet you again, anyway," she greets. "I'm sure I said this before, but you can call me Mrs. Rojnapat."

"Pleasure to meet you again, too, Mrs. Rojnapat," Kongpob says with a smile. "Do you mind if I—?"

"Kongpob!" Arthit calls again, this time by the car. "Let's go!"

The smile Kongpob had been giving his boyfriend's mother turns apologetic. "Sorry."

Mrs. Rojnapat laughs, waving a hand, and Kongpob starts to see the similarities between Arthit and his mother. "Don't worry about it," she says. "Just have him home before ten."

"Of course," Kongpob says with a short duck of his head before he's hurrying over to Arthit's side to open the door for him.

"I'm not a girl," Arthit tells him as he gets into the vehicle anway.

"I know," Kongpob replies, quickly moving to get in on the driver's side. "Can't I just do something nice for you?"

Arthit doesn't have a response. Kongpob looks over at him, a soft smile on his face. Arthit stares out the window for a bit, where his mother still stands in the entrance to the house, before he lets out a sigh and looks over at Kongpob. The younger holds his gaze for a few more seconds before leaning forward and pressing a kiss to his lips. When he pulls away, he sees through the window that Mrs. Rojnapat has gone back inside. He smiles.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Arthit."

Arthit's got a faraway look in his eyes as he stares at the younger, cheeks a soft pink, before he nods and looks away once again. "Happy Valentine's Day, Kongpob."

Chapter Text

The date went well. The rest of the weekend went to hell after that, however. Upon arriving home, he finds his parents in the living room, the two of them silent, news on the TV. Kongpob knows his mother won't respond when he says his hello, and he's sure his father won't either now, but he gives it a try.

Neither give any indication they heard him.

Feeling dumb, Kongpob nods to himself before disappearing upstairs to his room.

The next morning, his parents still aren't speaking to him. There isn't a place for him at the table either. Technically, he supposes there is, there only being three of them while the table seats six, but his mother always sets out three placemats and three plates and whatever utensils they may need. This time, there's only two, and his mother and father have already taken up places at the table.

Again, Kongpob nods to himself and heads back upstairs, deciding to just finish getting ready for school. He'll just skip breakfast today. And maybe dinner, too.

The table is set for two at breakfast Saturday, and when lunchtime then dinner roll around, there's still only two placemats out, so he does not eat then, either.

Come Sunday and he knows he must eat something, it being twenty-four hours since he's last even had a glass of water, so before his parents wake, around five-twenty in the morning, Kongpob heads downstairs and gets himself a cup of water before looking into the fridge to see what they may have. Apparently, though she no longer speaks to him or cooks for him or acts remotely like a mother to him, his mother still makes meals for three and not two, so there are at least four tupperware containers all filled with leftovers from Friday and Saturday. He gets out a plate and puts spoonfuls of leftovers on it before heating them up in the microwave, stopping the machine before it can begin beeping. He takes his plate upstairs and vows to bring it back down after his parents go to bed. He can make the plate last till dinner anyway, right?

❈ ❈ ❈

He does the same thing again Monday morning, the waking up early part, and has a humble breakfast of cereal and fruit, deciding to leave the house early. His parents haven't spoken to him in three days, both of them, and that's perfectly okay.

When he arrives to school, he finds it completely empty, and he realizes how ridiculous it is to show up at exactly six in the morning.

He goes to a coffeeshop down the road instead.

When he arrives a second time, students are rushing towards the building, and he enters first period right as the bell rings with an iced coffee in hand and a tired smile on his face.

❈ ❈ ❈

Of course Tew notices something is wrong. Kongpob kept getting sent concerned looks by Arthit, too, but luckily the elder isn't too pushy yet. Kongpob knows he'll start asking in a couple of days, however.

But Tew, no, he always asks, so as soon as the stuco meeting ends, Kongpob turns to the other and says, "I'm fine, just tired. Stupid trig project is getting to me. Who even assigns projects in math?"

Tew clearly doesn't believe him, but for once he doesn't push, and instead of talking about Kongpob's problems, they talk about how weird it is having to do a project for a math class.

❈ ❈ ❈

"Okay," Arthit finally says, taking a seat next to Kongpob at lunch one day and causing Aim's eyes to grow wide as he immediately scoots his chair away. Kongpob refrains from rolling his eyes as Arthit continues, "what is going on with you?"

Kongpob looks over to the elder. "What do you mean?"

"Kongpob," Arthit says flatly, and wow, he must be looking absolutely terrible for Arthit to be the one to approach him and sit with him in this crowded cafeteria. The elder's next words confirm it: "You look like shit."

"Oh," Kongpob says before looking down at the table. "I thought you wouldn't ask until, like, Friday."

Arthit doesn't reply. Kongpob turns to him. Arthit has a tired expression on his face. "Kongpob," he says, "you've been like this since Friday. It's been enough time."

Kongpob still tries to get him to stop pushing. "So you're concerned about me?" He gives a flirtatious smile.

But it doesn't work. Apparently, Arthit is actually really serious right now. "Kongpob," he says again, "I'm your boyfriend. Of course I'm concerned about you. And even if I wasn't, I'd still be concerned." His cheeks have turned a bright red, but that's probably the most straightforward he's ever been, so Kongpob is taking it.

He looks around before standing and taking the elder's hand. "Aim," he says to his friend, "we'll be back." He drags Arthit away to the bathroom right as Oak arrives to the table.

The last thing he hears is the bespectacled teen asking Aim, "Was that just Kongpob with Arthit? Are they together or something?"

As soon as they're in the bathroom, a more frequently used one that causes Kongpob to check that the stalls really are empty, he drags the elder to the last stall, where he locks the door. Arthit raises a brow at this. Kongpob ignores it and instead takes the senior's hands in his. "My parents aren't talking to me," he begins.

Immediately, Arthit's bemused look drops and is replaced by a frown. "What?"

"This isn't new," Kongpob tells him. "Well, my dad not talking to me is, but my mom not talking to me isn't. You know that."

Arthit nods, though his brows are still drawn together, and he's leaning closer to Kongpob as if he might not be able to hear him if he's any farther away.

"What's new is that it's like I don't even exist to them." Kongpob shakes his head. "I get home Thursday, and I say hi to them, and they don't respond. They don't even look at me. That's fine. I'm not expecting them to talk to me. But then I come downstairs Friday, and my mom doesn't always make me breakfast or anything, but she usually does on Fridays, yet when I get to the table, there's just places for her and my dad." He lets out a breath. "That's fine, too. Maybe she just doesn't feel like cooking for me. But I knew something wasn't right."

Arthit, though hesitant, reaches out and laces their fingers together. Kongpob takes a step closer.

"There's no place for me at dinner, nor breakfast on Saturday, or lunch or dinner then, either." He closes his eyes. "It really is like I don't exist to them. When my sister disappointed them, they at least still talked about her, but when I do it—," and suddenly, the words don't come out and there's a giant lump in his throat and tears sting the corners of his eyes. Arthit drops his hand to instead pull him into a hug. Out of character for the elder, but breaking down into tears is out of character for the younger. Kongpob wraps his arms tight around Arthit, trying his best not to sob into the elder's shoulder, and Arthit sways the both of them side to side.

This goes on for another couple of minutes, Kongpob clutching tight at the elder's back, and Arthit beginning to hum something soft into his ear. Once the younger's calmed down, he releases him gently, though Kongpob's fingers are still curled into his shirt.

"Better?" Arthit asks.

Kongpob shrugs. "Tired." He remembers his mother reprimanding him for skipping class all those weeks ago. He's pretty sure it doesn't matter what he does now since the woman doesn't speak or acknowledge him. She's already given up on Kongpob. "Can we miss next period?" he asks quietly.

Arthit studies him, and Kongpob looks away. It's one of the only times he can't bring himself to look at the elder. Finally, Arthit makes a noise of confirmation. "Yeah. We can miss." So they do, heading back to the cafeteria to throw away Kongpob's lunch tray, then immediately heading to the roof where Kongpob cries some more before falling asleep with his head in Arthit's lap and the elder stroking his hair, once again humming some unidentifiable song that Kongpob thinks sounds a million times better than the grating voice of his history teacher.

❈ ❈ ❈

It's officially been a week since his parents have started to ignore him, and at first, Kongpob was humiliated, only coming downstairs when he was certain his parents weren't there, but now, he doesn't care, coming and going as he pleases. The biggest issue with his parents ignoring him (excluding breakdowns in bathrooms at school) is the fact that he has no idea if he'll still get a weekly allowance, last week not receiving anything, and the history of the card he had used shows up on his dad's account, so as soon as he uses up all the fiat money he'd been storing, he's afraid he'll have to find another way to get money.

His school account hasn't been emptied, so Kongpob doesn't have to worry about lunch on weekdays, but he knows that's only because it'd be suspicious for the balance to suddenly come out to zero. He's still got a few weeks to go before he can truly be worried about how much he has, but if he cuts back on snacks bought at convenience stores or things bought hanging out with Prae, he's sure he can last at least till the last grading period. Maybe not the last day of school, but the second or third to last week he thinks is realistic. Then maybe he can get a summer job, one where he's only paid in cash, and save up enough to last senior year before opening up his own account, one not connected to his father's in anyway.

It's a reach, but Kongpob likes to think he can do it.

And he still might get his weekly allowance.

When he gets home from school, the house is silent, and his parents' cars had both been out of the driveway, so Kongpob goes to rummage in the fridge, still scared to do so when the two are home. He makes himself a small meal out of leftovers that he takes upstairs. He's about to set the tray he carried the food up on down onto his desk when he realizes there's an envelope set on the wood. Kongpob gently places the tray onto the desk, having shoved the envelope out of the way, before he properly picks it up, flipping it over to tear it open.

Inside is a wad of cash. Allowance.

So this is how they're going to be.

Kongpob unevenly splits the money in two, storing the bigger half inside a drawer, while the smaller portion goes into his wallet.

He still gets his weekly allowance.

❈ ❈ ❈

"Is it bad I kind of want them to hit me?" Kongpob asks Arthit at lunch, no longer caring about who he talks to or who he sits by or who sees him with who or anything dumb like that. Arthit looks startled for the briefest of seconds before he's making space for the younger at the table, the rest of the seniors Kongpob doesn't know where, probably in line to get food still.

"That sounds bad, yeah," Arthit says, leaning his cheek on his hand as he looks at the younger.

Kongpob sighs and shakes his head. "I mean, I don't actually want to be hit, but if I were, at least I'd have an excuse to leave. Arthit, like, you offered what you did, but...." He really would like to go and stay with Arthit, and maybe he could fulfill some weird fantasy of him and Arthit living together, however premature and immature that fantasy is, but realistically, he knows he'd think of himself as a burden on the elder and eventually guilt trip himself into moving back in with his parents.

"But it doesn't feel right because I offered it for if you feel like you're in danger," Arthit fills in for him, and Kongpob nods, resting his head on the elder's shoulder. Underneath the table, Arthit laces their fingers together.

They sit in silence for a few more minutes before the loud voice of Bright interrupts them.

"Hey!" he shouts. "Look at these two lovebirds!"

Arthit hastily unwinds their fingers, but he doesn't deny the other's words. Kongpob forgets about his troubles momentarily.

❈ ❈ ❈

May keeps looking at him with these concerned eyes, and Kongpob knows that, while she might not be over her crush on him, these are completely platonic, I am concerned as your friend glances. Finally, he sighs and looks over at her.

"May," he says, softly, gently, and she sits up straighter.

"Yes?"

"Stop worrying about me," he tells her. "I can practically feel it from over here." He gives a small wave, emphasizing the distance of the table between them.

May flushes and looks away. "You've just been... more—you're different," she says, finally looking back over at him. "Not bad, but not a good different either. It makes me worried for you. I can't help it."

Kongpob sighs and sets down the book he'd been reading. "I get that you can't just shut off your worry, but really, there's nothing you can do. I'm fine. Everything is okay. It's just school getting to me, and also... everything else."

"Yeah," May agrees, "everything else."

They go back to their respective books for awhile before May sets hers down and goes, "You didn't have to do anything, though, you know."

Kongpob copies her actions. "What do you mean?"

"You didn't have to come out," she says. "You could've just stayed quiet. You had something with Arthit before then, anyway, right?"

Kongpob shrugs, but her words just aren't settling right with him. "It's different."

"But how?" May asks. "Look at what's happened since then. You've been all sad looking, and you keep saying how tired you are, but it's not like you're getting any rest."

"Look," Kongpob finally says, picking his book back up, "that's not the issue. Me coming out isn't your problem, nor is it mine. No one here is bullying me for it; sure, I've lost some 'friends,' but it's not like those who've stopped talking to me were really my friends in the first place. Just... don't talk about something you don't know much about, May."

It's the angriest he's both sounded and been with her, and it shows in the way she flinches back and picks her book up, immediately holding it up in front of her face without another word in his direction.

It's only as he gets up to leave that he hears her whispered, "Sorry."

❈ ❈ ❈

The money is again in an envelope on his desk.

Kongpob glances back at the door before splitting it unevenly. One half in the drawer, the other in his wallet.

❈ ❈ ❈

The truck is unexpected, yet oddly familiar. Kongpob realizes who it is right as he hears the front door open and his father's voice demanding to know who's out in front of their house. Kongpob is quick to slip shoes on and rush downstairs, grabbing his wallet, phone, and house key right before he leaves his room. He runs by his father as the man still makes his way down the lawn, arriving to the passenger side and pulling the passenger door open. He climbs in and shuts the door right as his father reaches the truck. Kongpob lets out a breath before turning to Arthit, who's staring at him with wide eyes.

"Hey," he breathes out with a smile.

The elder stares blankly at him before blinking. "Hey," he replies.

Kongpob leans forward to kiss him, and when he turns back around to look out the window, his father is slamming the front door shut. Kongpob lets out a breath before turning back to Arthit.

"So what is this about?" he asks. "How'd you get my address?"

Arthit raises a brow. "My parents dropped you off after the wedding, remember?"

"I'm surprised you remember," Kongpob replies. "You were asleep most of the ride back."

Arthit purses his lips before showing him his phone. In the notes, there's an address. Kongpob's address. "It's a little creepy, I'll admit," he says, "but I figured it might be useful later."

Kongpob nods before smiling and resting his elbow on the glove box, a dopey smile on his face as he rests his chin on his palm. "You're so sexy when you experience critical thought."

Arthit glares at him. "I could break up with you, right here, right now."

Kongpob merely stretches his smile wider. "You wouldn't."

Arthit continues to glare at him for another second before he too eventually smiles and shakes his head. "Just get strapped in. We're going out."

"It seems unlike you to just take me on a random date," Kongpob says as Arthit finds a place to park at the mall.

"It is," Arthit replies, letting out a small a-ha! upon finding a free space. "But I kept thinking about you being all sad in your house, which is really intimidating—that house, by the way, and that's saying something, so I decided to, er, come and get you."

"My knight in shining armor," Kongpob replies, unbuckling his seat belt as soon as Arthit parks the truck. "But I will ask this: how awkward was it having to explain to your mom the reason you want to borrow her truck?"

"How do you know it's hers?" he asks.

"You were asleep when I got to know your parents very well," Kongpob replies, sagely.

Arthit rolls his eyes, turning off the car and climbing out. "Whatever. Let's just go."

They pass the cafe Kongpob and Prae frequented on their dates, and Kongpob wonders how shocked the barista would be upon seeing Kongpob there with a guy who he seems a bit too touchy-feely with.

The two of them wander around for a few minutes before Kongpob stops Arthit with a hand on his sleeve and says, "You don't actually know what to do, do you?"

Arthit stops, and he doesn't look at Kongpob as replies, "I don't."

Kongpob's honestly just happy that Arthit was thinking about him, so he asks, "Is there anything you want to do?" And then, because he hates himself or something along those lines, he asks, "Are you going to prom?"

The elder seems startled by his question, so Kongpob continues: "You don't have to answer that, if you don't want to. I was just curious—I mean, the student council keeps going on about it, so I kind of have it on my mind even if I don't really want to." He adds in a laugh for good measure.

Arthit just lets out a long sigh. He looks at Kongpob. "Do you want to go to prom?"

And is this a promposal? Because if so, it sucks, but because it's Arthit, it's brilliant.

But then Arthit is opening his mouth again and revealing that no, it is not his version of a promposal. Okay. "Because my friends and I were just going to go as one big group, that was our plan since the beginning of the year, especially since none of us were dating anyone at the time. But now that you and I are together—"

Wait, maybe it is a promposal!

"I'm thinking you could tag along."

Never mind. It most definitely is not a promposal.

"Um," Kongpob shrugs, "speaking honestly, I haven't given prom in relation to me that much thought. I was going to go with Prae, both as her friend and to act as a beard, and—"

He thinks about Prae's parents and them thinking she's trying to turn him straight.

"And?" Arthit asks.

"And I might still have to go with her," Kongpob says, quietly. "I might still have to go with Prae to prom." He wonders what the girl had said to her parents about their relationship, their breakup of a relationship that never actually was. Is Kongpob a lost cause to them? Or will they be knocking on his door in May, their daughter in a dress and chains, a matching tux and shackles waiting for Kongpob? The boy doesn't want to know, nor does he want to find out. "I don't know."

Arthit must sense his change in mood because he reaches out a hand to take one of Kongpob's. The younger easily laces their fingers together. "I doubt that'll happen," he says, making Kongpob look at him. "You're already out-ish at school; the most you'd have to do is arrive together, for her parents, I mean."

And Kongpob really appreciates his boyfriend. He swings their hands between them as he begins to walk. "You're right. I just worry, I guess."

"Yeah?" Arthit glances over at him. Kongpob can feel his eyes on the side of his face. He smiles.

"Yeah."

As some weird, ironic joke, or perhaps even social experiment, Kongpob proposes a snack break at the cafe he and Prae would visit when they went on their so-called dates. He tells Arthit as much as they walk up to the queue at the counter.

"Great," Arthit says. "Way to make me feel loved."

The line is moving slow, so Kongpob takes this as a chance to study his boyfriend. Finally, a smirk spreads across his face. "Don't tell me," he says, "you're jealous?"

Arthit snaps at him. "No, I'm not!" He crosses his arms, the two of them having let go a couple stores ago to instead carry bags. Kongpob had ended up getting some clothes he actually likes, a hoodie, loose shirts, some jeans, sneakers, and Arthit realizes they passed a bookstore, so they spent an unnecessarily long time talking about books before Kongpob noticed across the way was a music store, and then they spent an unnecessarily long time talking about music and bands they like. It was also at this time that they realized they most definitely have different tastes in music.

"But that's a good thing," Kongpob had said when he dropped their respective CDs into the small basket he carried. "Expands the collection, you know?" Arthit had rolled his eyes, but he also walked just a bit closer to the younger.

They're almost to the front of the line when Arthit whispers, "Besides, how can I be jealous when I see the way you look at me?"

When Kongpob's eyes widen and he turns to look at the elder, the senior's ears are a bright, bright red, and a blush rides high on his cheekbones. Kongpob grins.

"Oh?" the barista asks when the two finally get their turn. "Where's your girlfriend?" she asks Kongpob.

The teenager smiles, taking out his wallet. "Not my girlfriend," he replies. "Iced coffee, please."

The barista nods, and then Arthit orders, throwing in a remark to Kongpob about his gross drink choice, so bitter, as the younger digs through his wallet.

"Yeah," Kongpob says, pulling out the proper amount of change to hand to the barista, "but you kiss me anyway."

The barista drops his money on the floor, and another worker behind the counter helps her pick it up. Kongpob feels bad, but her shocked reaction is pretty funny.

Arthit still scolds him for his words.

"Your parents aren't going to take those from you, right?" the elder asks as he drives Kongpob back home.

Kongpob glances down at the bags by his feet before shaking his head. "Like I said, I don't exist to them, so all of these things are invisible."

"Right," Arthit says after a pause.

Kongpob nods.

When they reach the younger's house, Arthit is the one to lean forward and press a kiss to Kongpob's lips, whispering a good luck. Kongpob enters the house grinning.

The grin disappears when he realizes his mother's eyes are on him as he makes his way to and up the stairs. He shuts his bedroom door loudly behind him.

❈ ❈ ❈

He eats lunch out in the courtyard with Arthit and his friends, the two of them ignoring Bright and Tootah's teasing. Bright is about to say something else when Prem stands up, eyes locked on his phone.

"Hey!" the other says, motioning to the guy. "What're you doing? Don't tell me you're abandoning us!"

"Shut up, Bright," Prem replies, pocketing his phone and looking toward the parking lot. "Something just came up."

"Oh?" Tootah asks, leaning forward. "Something came up in the middle of the school day? Well, what is it?"

Prem's eyes flit briefly to Kongpob and Arthit, who both watch him with curious eyes. He looks back to Tootah and Bright. "Nothing. Just leave it alone." He starts to walk off, ignoring Bright's poor attempts to whistle and get him to stop.

As soon as he's gone, Knot sighs and stands up, too, moving to drag Bright back to the table, the other having followed him some. "Leave him alone," he says, ever the wise one in the group. "If he wants to tell us about what he's doing, he will."

"It better not be drugs," Bright says. "Because we talked and he said I could take over that industry."

"Don't be stupid, Bright," Tootah snaps, crossing his arms. "If anyone's breaking into that industry, it'd be me. I can do math much quicker than you."

"Really?" Bright asks, raising a brow. "What's three-hundred and thirty-three times four-sixty?"

"A hundred thousand, six hundred and twenty," Tootah says without pause, his answer obviously incorrect.

Bright tilts his head. "What's this? I thought you said you can do math quickly!"

"I can, and I did," Tootah replies. "I never said it'd be right, though. How fast can you do math?"

"Fast enough," Bright responds, and it's clear now that any discussion of Prem or what he's doing has been dropped.

Though Kongpob can feel Arthit's eyes studying the side of his face, he continues to stare after Prem, who's now walking to the far end of the lot, where Kongpob notices a lone figure standing near the gate.

He chooses not to comment on it when he turns back to Arthit, however, and the other lifts a questioning brow that goes unanswered.

❈ ❈ ❈

On the morning of March 5th, two months before prom, Aim turns to Kongpob and very, very seriously asks, "Should I ask May to prom?"

Kongpob thinks about closed bathroom doors and stuttered words. He thinks about the disappointed expression on the girl's face and the way she stayed in the bathroom, alone. But it's been months now, so he gives a slight smile and says, "Go for it."

"But what if she says no?" Aim asks, fear creeping into his voice.

Kongpob gives an easy shrug. "What if she says yes? If you never try, you'll never know."

Aim sighs. "Yeah, you're right." He clasps a hand on Kongpob's shoulder before giving it a firm pat, and Kongpob bites back a cringe, instead just scooting away some. If Aim notices his discomfort, he doesn't mention it.

"Aim is asking May to prom?" Tew asks. He leans back in his chair. "Wow."

"Yeah," Kongpob agrees. "Are you asking anyone? What about that person you've been talking to?"

"Yeah, right," Tew laughs. "Are you asking Arthit?"

Kongpob hesitates before imitating Tew. "Yeah, right."

Tew laughs again, though now the sound is tinged with sadness, and Kongpob kind of feels bad for bringing up Tew's mystery boy.

"I mean," he says, in an attempt to lighten the mood, "I could ask him, but I don't think he'd want me to. We're pretty open about our relationship now, I guess. But going to prom together, that's really making a statement, don't you think?"

"Maybe," Tew agrees. "But you're not doing anything wrong in going with him. You two are dating, right? Well, bring your date. You just happen to be two guys."

"Which, conveniently, is reason enough for social exclusion and ridicule," Kongpob replies. When Tew opens his mouth, he shakes his head. "I don't really care about my reputation or my image or whatever, but Arthit gets nervous, and I don't want him to have to feel that stress at prom."

"True love," Tew remarks.

Kongpob laughs, running an embarrassed hand through his hair. "I guess? But I don't know. I worry about him, too."

"He's stronger than you give him credit for," Tew says. "He can take a hit. He's been doing it for the past three years."

Kongpob gives a quiet sigh. "Yeah. He has, hasn't he?" There's a pause, and then Kongpob is shaking his head again. "But he's not alone anymore. He doesn't have to put up with that. I can be there for him."

"And you are," Tew agrees, tilting his head with a small smile, "but that doesn't mean he can't. He feels the same way about you, I'm sure."

"You're right," Kongpob says before standing, his phone having vibrated in his pocket. "Well, maybe we can make a statement, or maybe you can." He shoulders his backpack. "See you."

Tew gives him a wave. "See you."

As soon as he's out the door, he's smiling at Arthit, who's leaning against the wall of lockers opposite the room. "Hey," he greets.

"Hey yourself," Arthit replies, pushing himself off the wall and moving to stand next to Kongpob. "How was the meeting?"

"Whatever," Kongpob says. "Nothing actually ever gets done. It's like... do people not know about the issues in this school? The real ones? Or do they just not care?" He shakes his head. "There's no way the juniors and seniors can't see all the things wrong with this place."

Arthit places a consoling hand on the younger's arm. "You still have another year. Maybe you can bring attention to these issues next year."

"Maybe," Kongpob agrees, "but what if I don't get the spot?"

"You mean because of us," Arthit says immediately.

Kongpob looks away. "Not us. Me."

"It's not you," Arthit starts, but Kongpob shakes his head.

"It's not like that." He places his hand over Arthit's. "It's not you, and it's never been you."

"So you would've come out to the school without meeting me?" Arthit asks him.

Kongpob looks over at him, eyes wide. "Yeah." He looks away. "Eventually."

"'Eventually' meaning after you graduate?" Arthit asks, and Kongpob takes a step away.

"No," Kongpob says. "'Eventually' meaning maybe not this soon, but maybe next year. I don't think I could actually settle down with Prae."

"Right." It's clear Arthit doesn't believe him.

Kongpob lets out a frustrated sigh. "Please," he finally says, "don't blame our relationship or you. I wanted this." He laces their fingers together in the small gap between them as he looks over at the other. "I want this."

Arthit's cheeks turn pink. Kongpob smiles.

❈ ❈ ❈

Prae comes out of practice with a smile, twisting her hair into a messy bun that results in a couple of strands falling in front of her face. Kongpob tucks one behind her ear, giving her a smile back. "Hey," he says.

"Hey," she replies, "would you believe me if I said there's someone I like?"

Kongpob's eyes widen. "Really? There is? Who?"

"Not here, not here!" Prae laughs, shoving his shoulder lightly. She glances around, perhaps the most flustered Kongpob has ever seen her, before taking him by the hand and asking if he's meeting Arthit.

"Maybe?" Kongpob replies, more of a question than an answer. He pulls out his phone. "I don't know how long he stays after school. All the other times were because he waited for us, or I didn't pick you up."

"Good point," Prae says before motioning to his phone. "Ask him, then."

They find out Arthit is still at school, in that stairwell where Prae came out as a lesbian to him. Prae and Kongpob nod before heading to where the other is.

When they find him, Kongpob takes a seat next to the elder, and Prae remains standing, leaning casually against the wall.

"Prae," Arthit smiles, "how are you?"

"Tired," Prae replies. "How'd you survive junior year?"

Arthit leans back. "I didn't." He closes his eyes before sitting up properly.

Kongpob lets out a breath. "We haven't hung out as a group in so long." He looks to Prae. "Would it look weird if we all had lunch together? Two gays and a girl, you know. I can't tell if that'd be a dangerous situation for you or us."

"Both?" Prae guesses. She shrugs. "Maybe. We could hang out on the weekend."

"Your parents aren't still on you about making me straight, are they?"

Prae hums, thoughtfully. "I don't think so."

"That leads to the question of prom," Kongpob realizes, sitting up. Arthit glances over at him, confused. "What if they make us go together?"

"But that's stupid," Prae says. "We're broken up, like, publicly, too."

"Yeah," Kongpob agrees, "but I don't know. I just worry about that."

"Well," Prae kicks a leg out to him in some odd sign of consolation, "don't. I don't know. Maybe Arthit will agree if you ask."

"Ask?" Arthit echoes. "Ask me to prom?"

"No!" Kongpob is quick to answer. "I mean, not that I don't want to go with him. But," he looks to Arthit, "you wouldn't want to go with me, would you? Like, as each other's dates."

"It's a bit of a statement, don't you think?" Arthit asks, making a smile begin to spread on Kongpob's face.

"That's exactly what I thought."

It's only after they've all left that Kongpob realizes Prae never said who exactly it is she likes.

❈ ❈ ❈

"Okay," Aim says, taking a seat next to Kongpob in first period, "I'm going to ask her to prom."

Kongpob lifts a brow. "Good luck, then."

"Do you think she'll say yes?"

"Stop being so worried about that," Kongpob replies, punching him in the shoulder. "Just ask her. If she says no, see if you can still go as friends."

"Are you going with—," Aim cuts himself off with a shake of his head, "we can go all as a group?"

Kongpob knows what he was going to ask. He ignores it. "Maybe. I know someone who's planning to do that."

Aim nods slowly. "Well, then. That'll be the back-up plan."

"Alright," Kongpob agrees. "Good back-up plan."

❈ ❈ ❈

It is apparently not a back-up plan because when Kongpob and May share a look and both get up to go to the library, Aim also stands, much to the confusion of the other two. They're almost to the doors of the cafeteria when Aim says, "So Kongpob and I were thinking of going to prom as a group."

Aim, Kongpob wants to say, what in the actual hell are you doing? He sends the girl a stiff smile when she looks over at him. He hopes it says that this has been the plan all along.

"Yeah?" May finally asks, turning to Aim.

"Yeah," Aim says, nodding, "so I—I mean, Kongpob and I were wondering if you wanted to go with us, like, as a group, our group, friends."

Kongpob looks away, giving a slight eye roll.

May lets out a quiet laugh behind her hand before shrugging. "Alright. I'm cool with that if you two are." She looks at Kongpob as she says this. Kongpob stares right back.

Aim looks between them before nodding carefully. "Okay. Okay, yeah. Well, uh, I'll let you two do... whatever you do." He walks away, letting out a quiet, "What do they do?" as he goes.

May turns back to Kongpob as soon as he's back near the table, the two of them start to walk. "So let me guess," she begins, "he chickened out of asking me to prom?"

Kongpob bites his lip, not really wanting to give the other away, but.... "Yeah," he says, "yeah. He did. That wasn't too terrible, was it?"

"You looked awkward," May states, "but otherwise, no."

"What would you have said had he asked?"

May thinks about it for a second before shrugging. "Yes, but as friends."

Kongpob nods. "That's... yeah."

May nods, too, before glancing over at him. When she speaks, her voice is hesitant. Kongpob has a feeling it's because of their last meeting in the library. "So what about you? Going with anyone?"

What is it with people wanting to know if he's going with Arthit? Do they want him to make a statement? He shrugs instead of answering, giving a quiet, "Maybe."

"Do you want to go?" May asks after a pause.

Again, Kongpob shrugs. "I should," he says. "I don't really care, though. I think it could be fun. Just a matter of how I make it, I guess." Bad timing to make a statement, too, he doesn't say.

"I guess," May agrees before they finally reach the library, and both of them fall silent as May returns a book, then the conversation picking up again after Kongpob asks what's going on in the book club, their friendship smoothing out once again.

❈ ❈ ❈

"Date?" Kongpob asks as he takes a seat next to Arthit at lunch.

"Not like Valentine's, right?" Arthit questions instead of answering. "We'd go on it today?"

Kongpob knocks their shoulders together. "Yeah." He glances over to the other. "How's your week been?"

"You've talked to me near everyday this week. You already know. But it's... been," Arthit responds, voice tinged with confusion. Kongpob moves towards him, trying to press his nose to the elder's cheek, but Arthit leans away. "Hey. Stop. What was with that question?"

"I'm your boyfriend," Kongpob says. "That means I have a duty to know how you're feeling. Don't you think?"

Arthit's cheeks flush even as his brows furrow, and he lets out a low noise. "Yuck."

"Don't lie," Kongpob teases, "you're utterly charmed."

There's a long silence, wherein it's just Arthit glaring as Kongpob smiles cheerfully, before Arthit grumbles out a yeah and Kongpob lets out a happy laugh. Soon, Arthit's friends arrive, and Kongpob is briefly reminded of Prem approaching that person after leaving them a week ago when the elder checks his phone. He doesn't say anything, however, but he does notice the way Knot studies his friend carefully, much like he did when Kongpob first introduced himself to them. Kongpob thinks about what this look means, and when he thinks he knows, he keeps it in mind.

When he gets home from Arthit's and his date, he's got a stupid smile on his face, much like the one from their Valentine's date, one he can feel, one he doesn't need to see to know he wears. He's making his way to his room again, sipping on his iced coffee and letting the coolness refresh him and keep the lingering feelings from after the date, when he hears his mother's voice.

"Kongpob?"

Immediately, he freezes. He wants to keep walking, let her get a taste of her own medicine. She won't talk to him, so he won't talk to her. But he's always been more soft to his mother, more willing to let her do as she pleases without consequence, so he stays frozen, looking from the corner of his eye to where she stands in the doorway of the master bedroom.

"Yes?" leaks out of his mouth, his lips and vocal chords traitors.

"You...," she looks straight at him, though her eyes are unreadable, "where were you?"

He doesn't know what to answer. The one that will get make her stone-faced and cold, that'll bring things back to the new normal, yet be clear and not up for interpretation? Or the one that's vague, leaving her head spinning as she wonders just what her son could now be getting up to, if she'll see him on the news later that night?

Kongpob says the truth. "A date."

"A date," the woman repeats, more of a whisper to herself.

"With Arthit," Kongpob clarifies because he wants to see the way she closes off, even if it hurts. There's something masochistic in himself, and Kongpob decides to indulge it, thinking that perhaps he can imitate her if or when this happens again.

Yet she doesn't close off, instead looking more like what he would've expected from the vague answer of, "out." It makes Kongpob's own head spin, makes him wonder what side of the woman he'll get tomorrow or the day after that.

He nods to her when she still hasn't said anything, then finishes making his way up to his room.

❈ ❈ ❈

He doesn't forget about the weird, stunted conversation with his mother, nor does he tell his boyfriend nor any of his friends about it. Instead, he keeps it carefully to himself, writing down their words exchanged and describing the expression on his mother's face as best as he can.

He's still thinking about it two days later, especially when the rest of the weekend passes without any indication from his mother that she plans to start talking to him again. Saturday morning, he went downstairs to find two plates, his mother and father already occupying places at the table, neither looking at him, and at dinner, the same thing happened. Not once did he hear his name drift up from downstairs, and not once did he hear footsteps pass his door. At this point, Kongpob wonders if it was all a dream, something his mind created, high on endorphins from spending time with Arthit.

Yet sometimes when he's downstairs, he feels like his mother is watching. Watching the way he treads lightly, carefully, as if the tiles in the kitchen hide mines and he's a trespassing soldier. Her eyes seem to be on him at all times except for when he looks at her. He makes sure to catch her in his gaze rarely.

❈ ❈ ❈

"I don't understand," he finds himself confessing to Tew after another worthless stuco meeting, "why she can't just treat me like a son. It's clear she wants to."

He'd ended up retelling the odd interaction to Tew, not wanting to worry Arthit.

Tew mulls his words over, looking thoughtful, before he shrugs. "Maybe it's your dad?"

"She's the one who stopped talking to me first, though," Kongpob says. "And she didn't tell him about me coming out to her."

"She didn't?" Tew asks, sounding shocked, as Kongpob shakes his head.

"No. I thought she would, too, but... he didn't find out till Valentine's Day, when I went on a date with Arthit."

Tew nods carefully, brows drawn together. "Who knows?"

"Maybe," Kongpob begins, hesitant, "it's because she's disappointed?"

"In you?"

"Well, yeah, but also with Prae," Kongpob says, making Tew's eyes widen. He's quick to clarify: "Not Prae, but because of the situation with her. I should want her. She's pretty, nice, funny, an all-around good girl, but I don't, and, for a time, my mom thought Prae wanted me, and now, it's clear neither of us do."

There's a pause as Tew thinks. Finally, the other shrugs. "Try not to let it get to you too much, okay?"

Kongpob nods, though he doesn't know how likely that'll be.

Tew nods, too, before patting his shoulder and rising, picking up his backpack and slinging it over his shoulder. "Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"

Kongpob waves a hand. "Yeah."

Tew nods one more time before giving a casual kind of salute, turning to walk out the door and leave Kongpob alone in the room.

He arrives home just before dinner, having decided to walk around his neighborhood for a bit, the weather nice and the air crisp. It's a nice way to clear his head, though his mother lurks in the back of his mind like a shadow. Her behavior is strange, and Kongpob doesn't have time to consider it, the end of the year looming ahead of him. The idea of having to fill out scholarships and college applications in the summer is also sickening. With the way they've been treating him, Kongpob knows he won't get his parents' help either.

Though initially he went out in order to destress, by the time he arrives back home, his shoulders are by his ears, and there's a twinge in his back that won't go away. To put it simply: he feels worse off than where he began.

Luckily, no one stops him upon entering the house, so Kongpob makes the quick rush up to his room, where he's quick to fall onto his bed and close his eyes.

❈ ❈ ❈

When he wakes, it's to a knocking on his door.

"No," he murmurs into his pillow.

The knocking continues.

"Yes?" he calls out, though the word stings his tongue like needles.

The door opens the tiniest bit. A dark brown eye peers through the crack, and Kongpob stares back. The door opens a little more, and then, a beat, and it's opened all the way. Kongpob sits up as his eldest sister walks in.

"Kik," he says, "you're back."

"You're late for school," she says, but then her face softens, and she moves over to his bed to pull him into her arms. "How are you?"

"Did you figure it out?" he asks. "Did they try to dissuade you? I have the plague, you know. Best to stay away."

"Don't speak like that," Kik replies, brushing his fringe out of his eyes. He needs a trim. "I asked them about you, but their answers were so vague. You're not answering your phone either."

"Chalai didn't tell you, then?"

At his question, his sister looks away. "I haven't spoken to Chalai in awhile. I probably should."

"You should," Kongpob replies. "You weren't at her wedding."

"I...," Kik lets out a breath, dropping her head onto her brother's shoulder. "You're right. I wasn't. I didn't want to disappoint—"

"What about Chalai?" Kongpob cuts her off. "You disappointed her."

"She doesn't care," Kik says. "We never got along that well, anyway. It's probably better—"

"She invited you, and you didn't show!" Kongpob snaps, interrupting her again. "You disappointed me. I thought you'd at least send a gift, or show up in the video, or something! But you weren't there." With the last sentence, his voice has dropped to something like a whisper. He buries his face in her hair, soft and warm. Where Chalai has always smelt like vanilla, Kik's always smelt like some kind of fruit, light and sweet. He hasn't smelt it in a really long time, and now he gulps in lungfuls of it, his sister's proximity so foreign but so familiar all the same.

"I'm sorry, Kong," she whispers. "I'm so sorry. I'll do better."

"Do you even know how Mom and Dad have been?" he asks her, pulling away, though as soon as he's sitting up, he's ready to be in her embrace again. "The way they've been towards me?"

"What?" Kik asks, taking his face into her hands, angling him this way and that. "What have they done to you?"

Kongpob grasps at her wrists, pulling them down. "Nothing, not the way you think." Their eyes meet, mirror reflections of each other, and Kik blinks before looking away. "Do you even know what's going on?"

"I'm a bit out of the loop," she offers meekly.

Kongpob's shoulders slump forward defeatedly at the same time a text lights up the phone sitting on his bed next to him. He sees Kik glance over at the screen.

"That's new," she says.

"Chalai got it for me," Kongpob tells her. "I have a new number."

"Oh." Kongpob can her the regret in her sigh.

"At the wedding... before that...." His phone goes off again.

Kik nods her head towards it. "You should answer them."

Kongpob stares down at the screen, where he sees a text from Aim the night before that'll likely go unanswered and two newer ones, both from Arthit. He picks up the device. "Yeah."

"Who is that?" Kik asks, adjusting to get a bit more comfortable. Kongpob scoots over to offer her more room. "I see you're still friends with Aim."

"You could say that," Kongpob says, reading the texts Arthit sent. A quick r u here? and then a hope ur not sick, see u tomorrow? before another one comes in, a happy face that makes Kongpob smile. He knows Kik is watching him.

You
Not sick. I woke up late
I like that you're worried abt me ;)
9:27am

Arthit
stop w the winking emojis weirdo
and i Don't like being worried abt u
stop giving me reasons to be worried abt you >:(
9:28am

Kongpob smiles before shooting back an I'll try, then looking to his sister. "A senior."

Kik licks her lips before nodding slowly. "Are you closer friends with them than Aim?"

"I wouldn't...." Kongpob closes his eyes, leaning forward. He really doesn't want to do this. He takes in a breath. He doesn't have to. "Yeah," he says. It doesn't feel like a loss, but it doesn't feel good, either. "We're close."

"What happened with Aim?" Kik asks, scooting closer.

Kongpob both wants to lean towards her and away. He settles on staying still. "Just... bad decisions. Poor judgement. We still talk." He lifts his phone between two fingers, letting it dangle in the space between them. "Obviously."

"Must've been pretty bad," Kik notes. "You two were always together."

Kongpob shrugs. "I guess."

"But now there's this Arthit, huh?" Kik asks, and the smoke is clearing, the air is once again breathable. He sucks it in, drawing it into his lungs.

"Yeah," he lets out on the exhale. "Now there's Arthit."

He tells his sister he doesn't feel well, and she agrees since he'd "never willingly be late to school," so she brings him lunch, and they eat together at the table in the dining room as his mother watches, eyes like a hawk, feeling like fire on his back, and it's clear Kik is uncomfortable, but this is what he deals with everyday, so she can deal with it for a few hours.

As they eat, Kongpob tells her about the rest of the seniors, Arthit's friends and now Kongpob's, and she laughs when he talks about Bright and Tootah, their friendship, when he talks about Prem and his temper, Knot and his calm nature, a rock in a rainstorm. Yet she listens the most when he talks about Arthit, and eventually, Kongpob realizes his sister isn't stupid and probably knows.

So with the next sentence, he stops calling the elder his friend and instead says, "So it's me, my boyfriend, Tootah, and Knot sitting down, and Bright is standing on one foot on the table as Prem tries to throw grapes into his mouth from over three feet away," and he continues his story and his sister still laughs and it might be so loud that it simply drowns out the sound of his mother leaving, but when he turns around, she's still there, face not confused but still odd, an emotion on it that Kongpob can't place.

He turns back around to his sister, who's urging him to continue, so he does.

Chapter Text

“Dude,” Aim says when Kongpob takes a seat next to him in first period, “where were you yesterday? Why didn’t you respond to my texts?”

Kongpob waves him off, rearranging the papers on his desk. “I was sick.”

And then the teacher is walking in, so Kongpob doesn’t have to entertain or explain himself to the other any longer.

But Aim is surprisingly persistent when he wants to be, so come their next shared period, Aim is tugging at Kongpob’s sleeve. “Hey,” he says when Kongpob stops to look at him, “when are you going to—when are things going to start being normal again?”

“Define normal, Aim,” Kongpob replies, moving out of the way when a couple of freshmen try to pass by, anger rising in his throat. “Because I think our ideas of the word are very different.”

“I’m trying to let you lead!” Aim cries, arms coming out in front of him. It seems they’ve both been keeping things bottled up. “I know I messed up, so I’ve been trying to let you call the shots, and for awhile, you know, I really thought we’d be friends again, but now you’re suddenly just so closed off and distant, and I don’t know what to do.” He takes a step closer, and Kongpob takes a step back, falling onto the lockers, making the old metal let out a groan. “What more do you want me to do?”

Kongpob holds up his hands, pressing back on his friend’s chest, trying to get him to back away. “Has it ever occurred to you I just want you to leave me alone? We were cool, sure, but, before that, everyday, I was lying to you, everyday it seemed like we knew less and less of each other, and clearly everyday you were lying to me. And now it’s hard to just… go back to how it was before.”

“Was it really that traumatic?” Aim asks, voice soft as the crowd begins to thin.

Kongpob looks around, students disappearing into classrooms, conversations dying out. He lets out a breath. “Does my answer even matter?” he asks, tilting his head. “You already did it.”

Aim seems to consider this before shrugging. “I still care about you. We are friends. Or… to me we are.”

“Yeah?” Kongpob asks as the other finally takes a step back. He dusts himself off, shrugging and straightening his shoulders. “Well, I don’t really think we are.” He pushes up the sleeves of his hoodie, the material suddenly feeling much too heavy. “I’m sorry, Aim, but I’d really like it if you just left me alone for now.” He starts to walk the rest of the way to their classroom.

“For how much longer?”

Kongpob stops short. His heart is a heavy beat in his chest. He fiddles with the sleeves of his hoodie again, just for want of something to do. “I don’t know, Aim. Maybe we could’ve already been friends again if we just went slower. But we didn’t, and now here we are.” And then he pushes the door open and slips into class right as the tardy bell rings, leaving Aim alone in the hallway, left to get taken away by some principal if he’s not lucky or to go hide out in some bathroom if he is.

❈ ❈ ❈

“How much longer are you going to be staying?” Kongpob asks, ever the whiny younger brother, but longing still tugs at his heartstrings, nonetheless. Having someone acknowledge his presence at home, having someone speak to him, has definitely reminded him of the joys of family, something that’s seemed to slip away the longer his parents’ rejection has gone on.

Kik studies him with soft, yet narrowed eyes. “Not much. My husband promised me a week, and we’re only halfway through that. Though when I found out about your situation, well, I didn’t tell him the details, but I have said I plan to extend my vacation a little longer.”

Kongpob nods, though he doesn’t care much about Kik’s husband, a man strict in nature, eager to follow rules set by society. But, he contends, he was the same for a time, ready to follow some set path laid out in front of him. When his dark eyes meet Kik’s, he knows she’s always been wont to do the same.

“So I’ll be out of your hair by Wednesday.” She ruffles his hair as she says this, and Kongpob swats her hand away in faux annoyance. “Maybe.” She sighs, and the fingers of her right hand drum atop the table quickly. “I think I’d like to meet him, by the way.”

“Him?” Kongpob echoes.

“Your boyfriend,” Kik clarifies. “I’ve given it some time, some thought, what you are. I never thought it was right , I’ll admit, but I’ve never thought it was wrong.” She taps her chin. “I understand why our parents may think it wrong. I can imagine you do, too. But I’m not our parents, and I know love… enough,” she gives him a hesitant smile, “so, if it’s good for me, I’m sure it’s great for you. There can’t be any harm in it, can there?”

“It?” Kongpob echoes.

“It,” Kik repeats. “You being—”

The front door opens.

Kik and Kongpob fall silent.

There, in the doorway, their father stands, posture worn, his footsteps heavy as he makes his way inside.

He knows , Kongpob wants to tell her, but Kik already knows this, too, yet her tongue, her lips, no longer form the word, and Kongpob doesn’t make her say it, either. He’s said he’s got a boyfriend, something along those lines, to his father, but he’s never said the full word.

It’s best to keep it that way, he supposes.

Of course it’s best to keep it that way.

His lips twist in a bitter smile as his father’s eyes skip over him and straight to Kik, whom he sends a tired smile to.

Kik looks over to Kongpob at this, concern clear in her eyes, but Kongpob thinks her face reads more like pity. He doesn’t want her pity, however. So he ignores her look and instead pushes himself out of his seat, rising to his feet, stretching, and heading upstairs. He hears his sister follow after him, or at least go to follow, but then his father asks how her day was, when she’s returning to her husband, her kids, if she plans to bring her lovely daughter anytime soon.

Kongpob knows he won’t see her again until night. Maybe not even until Monday. He falls onto his bed, and then proceeds to fall asleep.

❈ ❈ ❈

Before he heads off to school, Kik accosts him at the door. “Show me him,” she says, “today.”

“At home?” Kongpob asks, already knowing who she’s talking about. “I don’t think that’s likely.” He attempts to push past her, behavior he wouldn’t normally exhibit, but his life has been very, very far from the norm, so he believes they both can excuse it. “It’s not likely.”

“Please,” Kik says, and oh God, is she begging? Surely she can’t be that desperate. She just learnt about the man; there’s no way she can be pleading. “They won’t be home till late.”

“Who is older?” Kongpob asks, lifting a brow. “I think it’s not you.”

“Don’t be rude,” Kik says, though she smiles. “I just… feel like there’s so much about you that I don’t know.”

“But, Kik,” Kongpob sighs, gripping his bag, “nothing about me has changed.”

“No,” Kik agrees, “but think about this—you were so good at hiding this truth about you. What else could you not be showing me? It’s like… it’s like there’s an untouched side of you that you’ve yet to reveal.”

“And if I don’t want to reveal it?”

“Is it dangerous? Illegal?”

“No.”

“Then why hide it?”

“I… there’s nothing else for me to hide.”

Kik pushes open the door. “Please, bring him by.”

Kongpob hesitates, stepping out. Before he walks away, he sighs. “We’ll see.” He glances back at her. “Bye, Kik.”

Kik smiles at him, hand on the edge of the door. “Bye, Kongpob.”

He sits with Arthit and his friends at lunch. Of course he does. “Hey,” he says after most of the attention is focused on Bright, as per usual.

Arthit looks over to him. “What?” he asks.

Their voices are quiet. Kongpob likes it. Like they’re sharing a secret, though they really aren’t. But it’s just the two of them, and then there’s the world.

“Kik, my sister, she wants you to come over.”

“After school?” Arthit sounds disbelieving. He looks it too, a brow raised high.

Kongpob nods.

Arthit still looks hesitant. “Your parents? What about them?”

“They won’t be there,” Kongpob replies. “I know. I felt the same.”

“She really wants to meet me?” Arthit’s brows are drawn together, and Kongpob wants nothing more than to reach up and smooth out the crease between them.

“Yes,” he says. “I told her it’s unlikely, but she’s very persistent, did you know?”

“So it’s hereditary, your stubbornness,” Arthit teases, and Kongpob’s heart lifts some at the smile the elder wears.

“Guess so,” he agrees. Their hands sit next to each other on the bench they’re on, and Kongpob smiles when Arthit’s fingers brush over his. “So?” he asks, voice extremely quiet, almost swept away by the wind. “Is it okay?”

Arthit leans closer, his response equally as soft. “Are you fine with that?”

Kongpob looks away. He isn’t. Not really, but…. “Yeah,” he replies. “It’s what she deserves. She’s… more caring than I give her credit for. I know it’s not really her fault, but….”

“But you wanted her to do more before this all went wrong?” Arthit asks, filling in the blanks.

“Something like that,” Kongpob agrees. “So meet me at the gates after school?”

Arthit glances this way and that, eyes glinting as they flit back and forth, before soft lips press quickly to his own. “Yeah,” Arthit says, having sealed the deal with a kiss. “Okay.”

Kongpob can’t fight the grin forming on his face. “Okay,” he whispers back.

“Hey,” Aim says when Kongpob tries to walk out of their last class of the day.

“No,” Kongpob replies, jerking his arm out of the other’s grasp when he tries to grab him. He keeps walking, leaving Aim staring after him in the middle of the doorway. Kongpob only feels a little bad.

He shoves those feelings down by the time he reaches the gates of the school, Arthit’s skin glowing in the sunlight. Kongpob breaks into a smile just upon seeing the elder.

“Hey,” he greets, a little breathless. When Arthit turns to look at him, sunlight glittering in his eyes, lips pulled back in a small smile, Kongpob thinks he’s the most beautiful person he’s ever seen.

“Hey,” Arthit says back. “Ready?”

Kongpob nods, moving closer to begin to walk by Arthit’s side. Arthit’s got his hands shoved in his pockets, not quite looking at Kongpob, facing the opposite direction really, but Kongpob can tell his eyes constantly glance back at Kongpob. His left hand slips out of his pocket, and Kongpob can’t hold back his smile as he feels their fingers brushing together.

They walk all the way to Kongpob’s house, and when they arrive, Kongpob is surprised at how relieved he is upon only seeing his sister’s car in the driveway. He leads Arthit up to the front door, and right before he gets out his key to unlock it, they share a look. Kongpob’s not too sure what it means, but he still feels some of the tension let out from his shoulders.

And yet… he hesitates before opening the door. “Is this really a good idea?” he asks Arthit. “Maybe we should have her meet us at the mall. I’m out to that cashier, aren’t I? Technically?”

He can feel the panic once again building in his chest. He’s about to just tell Arthit that he can’t do it, just go home, Kik can stay disappointed, when there’s a clicking of the lock and the door opens to reveal Kik already standing there.

“Kongpob,” she smiles, “I thought I heard something outside.” She turns to Arthit. “And you must be Arthit.”

Arthit nods, eyes wide, cheeks red. Kongpob realizes then that Arthit must be just as nervous as he is. And he must’ve been nervous when Kongpob met his parents (twice), even if he’s already come out to them. Kongpob lets out a breath.

“Are we going to talk?” he asks as they walk inside, Kik stopping to lock the door behind her. “Or did you just want to see what he looks like then leave us to our own devices?”

“No way am I letting you two disappear into your room,” Kik scoffs, then leading them to the kitchen. “Two teenage boys left alone behind closed doors?” She opens the fridge to pull out some leftovers from the night before, turning on the oven. “I was a teenager once, too, you know.”

Kongpob tends to be glad he’s got darker skin, so then his blush isn’t as obvious, but no one’s ever really talked to him like that before about something he actually has thought about, especially not one of his own family members, so there’s no hiding the fact that he’s cheeks have turned red. “Kik!” he says. “No! We’re just going to do our homework. Besides, we haven’t even done… that yet.” He glances at Arthit as he says this to see he’s also just as red.

Kik laughs, scooping out the food and placing it into a glass container. “Yeah, yeah. I”m just messing with you. It’s… you’re a good kid, Kongpob. You’ve always been.” She looks down at her hands with her next words, “I’m glad to see you happy.”

A hush falls over the house, Arthit looking at Kongpob, Kongpob looking at Kik, and Kik not looking up.

“I….” He doesn’t really know what to say. Thanks ? That seems a bit weird.

Kik finishes what she’s doing, moving to open the oven and place the food inside. When she shuts the oven, she looks over at him with a gentle smile on her face. “You don’t have to respond. Just know I’m glad. And,” she brushes her fingers over the handle of the oven, making sure it’s really closed, “I can guarantee you Chailai feels the same.”

Kongpob chews his lip before nodding. “She does.”

“And if Mom and Dad—”

Kongpob cuts her off. “I don’t care what they think anymore.” He lets out a heavy breath. “I don’t want to talk about them. I actually do have schoolwork, you know.”

Kik closes her mouth, some of the light disappearing from her eyes. “Of course. I put some leftovers for you to eat in the oven, obviously, and, well, if you need me, I’ll be in the guestroom.” She turns to Arthit, smiling kindly at him before opening her arms. Awkwardly, hesitantly, he steps into them. When she pulls away, she keeps a hand on his arm. “Thank you,” she tells him. “I’m really glad he’s met you.” She pats his arm once before taking a step back. “It was nice to meet you, Arthit.” She walks past them and heads up the stairs. As soon as she’s gone from view, Arthit turns to Kongpob.

“You should’ve just let her speak,” he says.

Kongpob takes a seat at the dining room table. “Maybe. But I just… it’s like… anytime I hear anything about my parents, it reminds me of what I don’t have, and I want to be over it, but I think sometimes… hearing it out loud, that just brings all those feelings up again.”

Arthit pulls out a chair to sit next to him. “And maybe you should address those feelings, so you can get over it.”

“Because you’re so good at addressing feelings,” Kongpob snarks before he can stop himself, the words tasting bitter on his tongue before he even sees the hurt in Arthit’s eyes. “I’m sorry,” he’s quick to say, trying to take it back, “I didn’t mean it.”

“But you did,” Arthit replies, just as quick. “Or else you wouldn’t have said it.”

“Fine,” Kongpob sighs. “We want to talk about addressing feelings, let’s do it. I think you ran away when I said I like you. Yeah, it was an accident when I said it, but I meant it, and you ran. What could you have been afraid of?”

“It’s not that I was afraid,” Arthit tries, but his expression shows he’s said the wrong thing, and he shakes his head. “No. I was afraid, but it wasn’t of your feelings.”

“Then why’d you stop talking to me?” Kongpob asks. “What else could it have been? And don’t give me that ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ bullshit.”

He doesn’t curse at Arthit often, and when he does, Arthit tenses. HIs fingers lace together on the table. The oven beeps, one long steady sound, but neither pays it any mind.

“Well,” Arthit says, “good news for you, I wasn’t going to say that.” He lets out a breath. “I’m good at giving advice, but I’m terrible at following it. My own, at least. I’m not like you, Kongpob. When I realized I’m—when I figured out I’m bisexual, it was okay. There wasn’t really a guy that I liked that made me realize it. I just kind of… noticed I saw guys and girls kind of the same, and that was that. But then there was you, and this,” he stutters, and his brows furrow. “I’m not good at this.”

“At what?” Kongpob asks. He’s the one who snapped, but Arthit looks so small, and he can’t leave him feeling alone like that, so, cautiously, he reaches out a hand, fingers brushing against Arthit’s. A smile tugs at his lips when Arthit takes it.

“At talking,” Arthit says. “About my feelings. I’m awkward and bad at it.”

“You’re doing just fine to me,” Kongpob reassures him, “and, hey, if you can’t figure out how to say something,” he leans forward, a bit more into Arthit’s space, a smirk on his lips, “I’ll still understand you. I’m your boyfriend, after all.”

It’s clear Arthit has to fight down a smile then, ears turning a shrimp-colored pink. Wow. Kongpob is completely enamored with him.

“You’re right,” Arthit concedes. He finally allows a small smile to cross his face, then, squeezing Kongpob’s hand once. “Thanks.”

Kongpob just smiles.

“But then there was you,” Arthit continues. “And I really liked you.” He looks up from his lap, then, meeting Kongpob’s eyes. “I really like you, Kongpob.”

“I really like you, too,” Kongpob replies.

Arthit bites his lip before continuing: “And suddenly my sexuality was real. It wasn’t just this abstract thing that I could put to the side or feel doesn’t really apply to me. And I’m really sorry, but yeah, I initially wasn’t into you,” Kongpob makes a face, leading to a small giggle falling from Arthit’s mouth, “I’m into you now, though! But at first, no, I wasn’t, and by the time I started to like you, well, it wasn’t much longer before you admitted you like me, and I didn’t know what to do. Everything was too real, and I don’t want to say more on this.” He goes dead silent.

Kongpob sighs, leaning back but keeping their hands connected. “I like hearing about this, though. I like knowing about you. I want to know about you.”

“Yeah?” Arthit asks, lifting a brow. “Because it feels more to me like you’re just watching me make a fool of myself.”

“I don’t know,” Kongpob replies. “It seemed to me like you were explaining things pretty well.”

“Word vomit,” Arthit states.

Kongpob sends him a look.

“It was!” Arthit is adamant.

“I’ll get the rest of the story out of you sometime,” Kongpob declares. “But… I’m sorry I said that. I get it. Really. And I’ll give it to you,” he smiles, “you did kiss me first.”

Arthit splutters out something dumb and defensive as Kongpob laughs before pulling his schoolwork out of his backpack. “It’s okay,” he says, “I liked it.”

“It was terrible,” Arthit replies, “all toothy and awkward.”

“Toothy?” Kongpob asks, laughing. He shakes his head, the smile still on his face. He remembers their words exchanged after their first kiss, and his smile turns wicked. “And did I prove it?”

Arthit, whose attention had drifted to the oven, turns back to him. “Prove what?”

The smirk doesn’t leave Kongpob’s face as he once again leans in close, this time daring to go even more into Arthit’s space. “That I’m a good kisser?”

Immediately, Arthit flies back, lips moving but nothing of substance coming out. Kongpob leans back, too, his smirk now a satisfied one.

“Taking that as a yes,” he says before turning to his homework.

He hears Arthit mutter something, then there’s the scraping of a chair. When Kongpob glances up, Arthit is heading to the oven.

“Food?” the elder asks.

Kongpob nods.

Arthit tosses him a couple hand towels and Kongpob folds them up on the table before Arthit is donning oven mitts and pulling out their food. He rushes to set it on the towels, then rushes to grab two forks, only to realize he doesn’t know the layout of the Sutthilak kitchen. Kongpob laughs when he turns around before pointing at the drawer next to the fridge. Arthit takes a seat once he’s got out two forks, handing one to Kongpob.

“Just do your homework,” he grumbles.

“Yes, sir,” Kongpob replies.

They work in relative silence until the food cools, and then they’re eating, homework pushed aside. Eventually, conversation picks up, and it’s easy and fun and light, and the blinds on the window above the sink are open, so sunlight dances in Arthit’s hair and behind his head, giving him a halo, and Kongpob soon stops eating to instead stare at the elder. His words die out, too, but Arthit doesn’t notice, too busy telling him about what Prem did during his last class period.

“I really like you, Kongpob,” Arthit’s words from earlier ring through Kongpob’s head.

“I really like you, too.”

Kongpob nearly closes his eyes, feeling like a cat laying in a sunny spot, cheerful and content, but he also doesn’t want to take his eyes off Arthit, his boyfriend more animated than normal, a cute display Kongpob can’t get enough of.

Again, the L-word pushes at the tip of his tongue, more heavy now, more eager to just slip past his lips, but….

“Everything was too real.”

Kongpob sighs and leans back in his chair, smile slipping off his face.

This, Arthit notices, and his words cut off as his face takes on a concerned expression. “What is it?” he asks.

Kongpob waves a hand. “Nothing. Just… I like you a lot.”

Arthit bites his lower lip, looking away, before turning back to Kongpob. “I like you, too. Didn’t we just establish this?”

Kongpob begins to nod, but then he quickly begins to shake his head, leaning forward, moving his chair so he can place a sturdy hand on Arthit’s knee. “No. Like, I like you, but it’s…,” a frustrated noise growls in his throat, “you have to understand.”

“I….” Arthit gives a helpless shrug.

“I’m not just going to push it onto you like that,” Kongpob says, scooting back. “You have to understand, Arthit.”

Arthit swallows, staring at him with wide eyes.

“I like you so much,” Kongpob tries, and that’s when it seems to click with Arthit, for he turns red and mutters something into his fist before shaking his head.

“Give it a few more months, Kongpob.”

At that, Kongpob begins to smile. He picks up his fork. “I’d give you forever if I could, Arthit.”

There’s a silence, and Kongpob thinks he’s gone too far, but when he looks at the other, Arthit is merely staring at him, chin tilted up, smirk curled on his lips.

“What?” he asks.

Arthit’s smirk breaks for a second to show a goofy smile. It makes Kongpob smile, too. “As if you could wait that long,” Arthit says as soon as he’s regained his composure.

“You’re right,” Kongpob concurs. “You’re always right.”

Arthit nods, humming something sweet in his throat, before pushing a piece of chicken closer to Kongpob’s fork. Kongpob smiles at him warmly before going back to eating.

The container is near-empty when Kongpob hears footsteps.

They aren’t coming from the stairs.

He sits up, head whipping around to see his mother standing there in the middle of the living room. Her eyes are wide, but she just looks shocked. Nothing else. Kongpob frowns.

“Mom?” he tries because this situation is entirely new.

But she just gapes at them for another second before whirling around and heading back into her room. As soon as her door shuts, there’s another set of footsteps, and Kik is coming down the stairs, stopping when she sees Kongpob staring at the door to their parents’ room.

“Was that…?” she asks.

Kongpob nods. “I don’t… yeah.”

Kik purses her lips, brow furrowing, before crossing her arms. “She’ll come around.”

“Maybe,” Kongpob decides, not knowing what she wants him to say. He turns back to Arthit, who’s also been looking at where Kongpob’s mother had been. “Maybe not.”

He hears Kik sigh, and then the sound of footsteps, going back up the stairs. A door shuts.

“Sorry,” Kongpob immediately says. “I didn’t think she’d actually do that.”

“Did she know?” Arthit asks.

“That you’re coming over?” Kongpob’s brows raise as he stabs at a missed piece of chicken. “How could she not? Kik wasn’t quiet when she accosted me, and it’s not like we’re whispering. These walls aren’t soundproof.”

“At least she didn’t throw me or us out,” Arthit states.

Kongpob smiles. “That’s pretty tragic.”

“You’ve been basically excommunicated by your parents,” Arthit says. “ That ’s tragic.”

At that, Kongpob laughs. “Yeah. It is.”

He looks at Arthit, then, only to find Arthit already looking back at him.

Kongpob had never thought he’d kiss a boy under his parents’ roof, but here he is.

❈ ❈ ❈

He wakes to lips being pressed to his forehead and a hand running through his hair.

“I’m going to head out now,” Kik whispers against his skin. “Bye, Kongpob.”

“Kik?” Kongpob asks, although he doesn’t know who else it could be.

He blinks open his eyes. She pulls away and smiles down at him. “You should call me more,” she says. “I love you, you know.”

Kongpob closes his eyes again, content to have her fingers running through his hair, soothing and warm. “Only if you call me first.”

“You are ridiculous,” Kik says, “but if that’s what’ll get you to keep in contact.” He can practically feel her eyes on him. “You still have a family. Don’t forget that, Kong.”

“I know,” Kongpob whispers. “I know.”

“Okay, then,” Kik finally says after a pause wherein nothing much happens except for her smoothing down Kongpob’s hair. “I’ll get going now.”

“Bye, Kik.”

The hand leaves his hair. “Bye, Kongpob.”

He’s asleep again before he even hears the door click closed.

“Aim tells me you aren’t speaking to him,” May says, taking a seat across from him at the library. Kongpob glances up from his schoolwork, pencil tucked behind his ear. May’s got some new clips in her hair. It’s cute. But she’s also got her arms crossed and a brow raised. It’s the most expectant look he’s ever seen from her, and she used to expect him to kiss her. “What’s that about? Aren’t we going to prom together?”

“That was unintentional,” Kongpob replies, taking the pencil down from his ear to write out some notes. “You know that.”

“Okay,” May concedes. “Now answer my other question.”

Kongpob bites back a sigh. “He just… did something bad. And then I feel like we just became friends again too quickly. It’s just a lot. Call me childish, whatever, but I just want him to, I don’t know... respect my boundaries?”

“What happened?” May asks.

He doesn’t tell her, tapping his pencil against the table instead. “Does it matter? It’s enough to make me mad at him. Then, later, he wouldn’t listen to me. Wouldn’t stop bugging me. Hey, did you get the homework in Physics?”

May tilts her head at the poor subject change, but she relents, pulling out the work from her binder to hold it out to him. It’s got a problem and a half done. She gives him a tight smile. “I think you got it.” He mock glares at her, but she doesn’t look like she cares much. She sets the paper down to rest her chin on her palm. “Fine. I’ll stop pushing you, lest I want to end up like Aim. But I’d really like it if you tell me. I’m still your friend, you know. Despite everything.”

“Yeah?” Kongpob asks, not looking up from his work.

He hears a sigh and finally looks up. May’s still got her head on her hand, looking bored. “Are you sure you’re good?” she asks. “You’re not acting like yourself.”

Kongpob allows himself to sigh, too. May is nice. Enough. She at least still talks to him after not only finding out that he doesn’t like her the way she likes (liked?) him but also that he’s gay. He holds back another sigh, but he doesn’t stop himself from putting his head flat on his paper. “Did I tell you my parents haven’t talked to me in months?”

May gives a small gasp.

“Taking that as a ‘no,’” he mutters to himself. “Well,” he says, a bit louder this time, just enough for her to hear, “they’ve stopped talking to me, and they haven’t talked to me, and yes, for a time, it really sucked, but now, it’s like… now, it’s like…,” he bites his lip, “I got over them not talking to me, but now my mom just keeps being there , like she expects something or she wants to talk to me, but she just… doesn’t. She just stays silent, and it’s terrible.”

May starts to say something, but Kongpob cuts her off: “Did you know Arthit met my sister Monday? It was great. I need to give her more credit. Everything was fine, but then my mom comes out of her room and just stands there. She doesn’t say anything, doesn’t look angry or anything, just stands there. Then she turns around and goes back to her room.” He stares down at his hands. “I just wish she’d do something.”

He looks up at her then to see her brow furrowed, a frown on her face. She’s got a pencil twirling between her fingers, an absent-minded gesture, and Kongpob thinks he could understand why Aim likes her. He tries a smile.

“Sorry,” he says, “I didn’t mean to bring you down.”

“Not that,” May replies. “It’s just… it’s all so bad.” She looks up to meet his eyes across the table. “You deserve happiness, Kongpob.”

At her words, his fake smile turns genuine. “Thank you, May. But I am happy. Yes, it’s hard with my parents and with school and everything, but honestly, isn’t that just life? No matter what you do, you’ll never be good enough.” He cocks his head. “I think I get that now.”

May watches him quietly.

“But there are things that remind me it’s not all terrible,” he continues. “I’ve got a great boyfriend, good friends, people who do care about me—my sisters, you know. Even this, ignoring what we’re talking about,” he rests a hand limply on the table between them, “this makes me happy.” He sighs, then, sitting up properly. “So it’s not all bad, even if that’s how it seems.” He then points at the half-done problem on her homework. “You used the wrong equation, by the way.”

May opens her mouth, then looks down at her paper, and her eyes widen. “Oh. Yeah, I see that now.” She corrects it quickly, glancing up at him once. “Thanks, Kongpob.”

Kongpob’s lips curl up at the corners as he looks back down at his own work. “No problem.”

❈ ❈ ❈

“You know,” Prae says, glancing at him from under long lashes, “it’s been awhile since we’ve done this.”

“What?” Kongpob asks. There’s a piece of mango stuck in his straw, and he’s got most of his focus on getting it out.

He hears Prae laugh, so he looks up at her, straw clinging to his lip for a second before dropping.

“What?” he repeats.

“Well,” Prae finally says, smiling out across the open area of the mall, shoppers milling about, children crying, vendors shouting, “I just mean it’s been awhile since we’ve gone out like this. Almost makes me miss it.”

“Hey,” Kongpob says, her words reminding him of something she had brought up herself then weaseled her way out of three Thursdays ago, “didn’t you say you like someone? What happened with that?”

Immediately, Prae’s mouth snaps shut, her eyes going wide, the straw she had been fiddling idly with now being forcibly shoved between her lips.

Kongpob lifts a brow.

“It’s nothing,” Prae says, lips moving around the straw. “Forget I said anything.”

“No way,” Kongpob laughs, nudging her. “You brought it up.”

“Yeah,” Prae agrees, “like, a few weeks ago!”

“Come on,” Kongpob urges. “What’s the deal? You were more open then.”

“Yeah because I had just realized it,” Prae says. “Besides, it’s not like anything could come of it. She runs in our circles, so she’s probably got a guy waiting for her already.”

“Maybe,” Kongpob concurs before bumping their shoulders together, “but maybe not. I mean, look at us.”

“I doubt she’d have our luck and end up being paired with some gay guy,” Prae mutters. “Not only that, but I don’t even know if she likes girls.”

“Isn’t that how it always is?” Kongpob asks.

“No,” Prae replies. “But it does feel like it.”

“Well,” Kongpob tips his head back, staring up at the high arches of the ceiling, “you shouldn’t give up or resign yourself just because you don’t know. Maybe she likes girls and , more specifically, likes you.”

There’s a long pause, and Kongpob is starting to think Prae’s just decided to end the conversation there, but then there’s a sigh, and Kongpob glances over to see Prae angrily sipping her drink, brows furrowed. As soon as she swallows, she sighs again. “Maybe.”

Kongpob nods then attempts to take another sip of his drink. There’s more mango stuck in his straw.

Chapter Text

Kongpob's suddenly stricken with a stomach-rumbling hunger when he's on his last assignment, a worksheet that's fairly easy. He glances at the clock. It's past midnight. Kongpob sighs. No one's home other than him and his mother now, his father having left the day before for a three-day business trip on the other side of the country. Yet his mother still makes enough food for three people. Kongpob wonders if it's done out of mindless habit or with intention.

He heads downstairs.

The lights are all off, excluding the one above their stove. He sneaks towards the fridge, food on his mind. There's a few containers filled with his mother's choice on dinner: some beef stew that Kongpob thinks would be good for a midnight snack. A small bowl, at most. He pulls the tupperware out of the fridge and places it on the counter adjacent to the fridge. He turns around to go grab a bowl from one of the cupboards when he realizes right below the cabinet where the bowls are stored, right there on the counter, there lays a book.

Kongpob frowns.

It's not impossible for his mother or father to leave around books, papers, letters, but it is fairly rare. Hesitantly, he grabs the book, the cover textured in some parts, glossy in others, a paperback. Kongpob holds it out under the light above the stove.

As soon as he reads the title, he's tossing it back on the counter, ditching his midnight snack and rushing back up the stairs.

That was a discovery he can process another day.

When he comes down the stairs in the morning, he glances into the kitchen. The book is gone, and the container full of soup is likely stashed away again in the fridge.

❈ ❈ ❈

Come Monday and Kongpob hasn't seen the book again, but he can't get it off his mind. It's like the cover's been burned into the backs of his eyelids, so every time he so much as blinks, he sees it, the colors on the cover bright and bold. Surely, his mother can't be reading that. Surely....

Parenting 101: How to Love Your Gay Son . A joke, it has to be.

Kongpob tries his best to push the book, the rainbow cover, that stupid title, to the back of his mind. There's no way his mother could seriously be reading that, seriously be taking the words to heart. How to, what, love Kongpob? He presses his hands to his face.

Yeah, right.

❈ ❈ ❈

But then he sees it again. That damn book. This time left atop the mantle, his mother likely having put it there while cleaning. God, she's got to be messing with him. Of course when he comes back downstairs for dinner, it's gone.

❈ ❈ ❈

"Are you sure?" Tew asks, a frown forming on his face.

Prae's hand rubs steadily up and down Kongpob's arm as he gives a hopeless shrug. "What else am I supposed to think?" he asks. "She doesn't speak to me. Doesn't give me a space at the table. Doesn't treat me like a son. It's April, isn't it? It's a joke."

"That's stupid reasoning," Prae tells him. "Your mother is smart, Kongpob, but not that kind. If anything, that's just dumb."

"And besides," Tew adds, "haven't you said that she's always hesitating around you or watching you? She might not speak to you, but it seems pretty clear she's aware of you."

"If she's really reading it," Kongpob sighs, "that book, she better take its advice and start speaking to me already."

Prae and Tew share a look over Kongpob's head, he just knows it.

Arthit
question
5:58pm

You
answer
5:59pm

Arthit
asshole
but would u maybe want to come over tomorrow for dinner
6:01pm

You
like,,with your family?
6:01pm

Arthit
yeah
6:01pm

You
meet me by the gates after school tomorrow?
6:02pm

Arthit
of course
6:03pm

You
:)
6:03pm

Arthit
yeah yeah
6:03pm

Arthit
:)
6:08pm

He's walking down the stairs, the time being around ten, ready for dinner, when he trips on the last step. His mother is sat on the couch, television playing some late night talk show, but she's not watching it. No. Her eyes are locked on the book in her hand, the same one that's been haunting Kongpob's thoughts, no matter how hard he's tried to ignore it. Her brows are furrowed, and occasionally her lips move, forming out words. Kongpob wonders what she's repeating.

"Maybe," Tew had said earlier that day, "she's just waiting on you."

Kongpob's mouth opens, and he thinks about speaking, but the words never come out. He shakes his head and goes to the kitchen.

His mother is still reading when he goes back upstairs.

❈ ❈ ❈

"And what about you, Kongpob?" Arthit's mother asks, serving him another cup of rice. "Lots going on?"

"A decent amount," Kongpob says as soon as he's done drinking, setting the near-empty cup on the table. "Just... the end of junior year, I guess." He gives his best smile as her hand rises over her mouth.

"You're absolutely right," she says from behind her hand. The hand lowers back to her lap as she turns to look at Arthit. "I can't believe you'll be going off to college soon. It's like just yesterday you were sitting in my lap, babbling away." Her eyes take on a mischievous glint, and it's as Arthit groans, hiding his face behind his hands, that Kongpob realizes what's about to happen.

Butterflies take flight in his stomach, creating a tangle of his organs and making his fingers twitch against the table in excited anticipation. He has to bite his lip to stop the grin threatening to break free when Arthit's mother rises from the table, disappearing around the corner. It's not that there's anything really special about being shown baby pictures, but, Mrs. Rojnapat's giddy, playful expression, Arthit's embarrassed one, the memories Kongpob's about to see, it's something like a rite of passage. Something that really confirms his status as Arthit's boyfriend. If he's sitting a little straighter in his seat, a proud set to his shoulders, when Mrs. Rojnapat returns, a cute little box in her hands, well, no one needs to comment on it.

After a couple hours of Arthit's spluttering, his red cheeks, and his mother's laughter, bright eyes, Kongpob returns home, led to the door by Arthit where, after making sure his mother isn't looking, he presses a warm kiss to Kongpob's lips, smile on his face when he pulls away. His cheeks are still pink.

"Dad'll be home next time," he tells Kongpob when he opens the door. "I don't know who's luckier that he wasn't, me or you."

"Does he have more things on you than your mom?" Kongpob asks, teasing grin on his face.

Arthit's swats his arm. "Shut up!" But he laughs anyway, head turning to look away from Kongpob. When he looks back, a smile still dances on his lips, in his eyes. "But I think it's you who's more lucky. He's taller than you, you know."

"What?" Kongpob asks, but he thinks he knows what Arthit is talking about. He smiles before Arthit can continue. "Too bad you didn't get any of his genes."

Arthit scoffs. "Whatever. I'm only an inch shorter than you. Maybe even less."

Kongpob's hand comes up to hold Arthit's jaw, thumb stroking over his cheek, as he gives the other another kiss. "I know," he says when he pulls away. "I'm just messing with you. I'll keep your dad's intimidation method in mind."

Arthit, in a surprisingly affectionate move, bumps their noses together before taking a step back. "Goodnight, Kongpob," he says.

Kongpob gives him another smile. "Goodnight, Arthit." He lets the silence fill in the rest of his words for him, and he's pleased at the way Arthit's cheeks, which had been losing their redness, heat up again. He smiles at him one more time before turning and heading down the driveway to June's—again, borrowed—car.

When he gets home, he's still smiling, heart squeezed tight in between his lungs. He had dropped June's car off at her house, deciding to walk the mile home, some of the light still shining over the horizon, the sun slow in its descent.

He pulls out his keys and unlocks the door, taking a cautious step inside only to find the house empty. He knows it's not, his mother is home, and his father is still at the office, much like Arthit's, though Kongpob's father always works late, while Arthit's was called back to the office due to an emergency.

Kongpob shuts the door quietly behind him, locking both locks and leaning against it when he's done. He surveys the empty space. No book, no containers, television off. He lets out a sigh.

"Nice night?"

Kongpob's eyes fly open. The voice is foreign in all its familiarity, and he doesn't know whether he should answer, if the question is even directed at him, perhaps a phone call he's unaware of going on.

"Kongpob?"

But it's not a phone call. And his mother isn't looking anywhere else, standing there in the doorway of her bedroom. Her eyes are right on Kongpob, brows furrowed, lips turned downwards. She looks troubled. There's a line between her brows. Kongpob wonders if this is hard for her.

It's hard for him. Even after his mouth opens, his lips move, he doesn't make any sound. It's hard to talk to his mother.

"It's still cool out, isn't it?" she tries again.

Kongpob swallows. "Yeah," he finally gets out. "It is."

She nods, lips pressed together, hands clasped in front of her. "Well," she says, turning around slowly, "goodnight, Kongpob."

It is past seven. He's usually upstairs by five.

Even after she's gone, he's still staring at the space she occupied. "Goodnight," he says to the empty space. "Goodnight, Mom."

❈ ❈ ❈

He doesn't go downstairs to get breakfast, and his mother never calls for him.

❈ ❈ ❈

There's a knock on the door after the last couple of students had left the student council room, and both Kongpob and Tew look up from the table. Through the small window in the door.

Kongpob can make out a face of a boy who looks near to their age, though with his chubbier face, maybe a little younger. He looks over at Tew, whose eyes are lit up with glittering recognition. Kongpob thinks he's good at putting two and two together.

"Hi," Tew says after getting up and going to open the door. "Hey."

Kongpob leans back in his chair, eyes locked on the pair. "You said 'hi' twice," he tells Tew.

Tew turns around to glare at him. Kongpob shrugs.

"Hi," the boy says before looking to Kongpob. "You are...."

"Kongpob," he replies, smiling. "I think Tew's told me a little bit about you. All but your name."

"Er, it's Dae," is the other's answer.

Standing next to Tew, who's definitely decent in height but not unreasonably tall, Kongpob realizes the boy's fairly short. A smile curls on his lips. "Hi, Dae. What brings you here?"

"Um," Dae says, eyes flitting quickly to Tew. "He says he wanted to ask me something?"

Kongpob thinks he knows what Tew wants to ask. Though he genuinely would love to stick around and listen in on the pair, he knows he might as well take Dae's words as his cue to leave. "Alright," he says then. "I'll leave you two to it." He rises from his seat, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. "Nice to meet you, Dae." He stops right outside the door, glancing back over his shoulder at his friend. "Good luck, Tew."

He leaves to the sound of Dae asking Tew what Kongpob means and Tew spluttering out some nonsense answer.

Fifty minutes later, he gets a text.

Tew
did u rly have to do that
4:59pm

Kongpob smiles.

You
i have no idea what you're talking about
have fun with your boyfriend though
5:00pm

Tew
i can't believe i ever thought you were nice
5:00pm

Kongpob laughs, dropping his phone back into his pocket.

"I don't think we should go," Arthit says, resting his head atop Kongpob's. "I mean, it's not like the tickets are that cheap anymore, anyway."

"They're only seventy-five now," Kongpob says because that's not too much, compared to their final price.

"Only seventy-five," Arthit echoes, sounding bitter.

"Sorry," Kongpob says, "but I'd be willing to pay for you to go, even if I don't. You should have fun with your friends."

"I already have fun with my friends," Arthit responds softly. "I don't need big crowds and loud, crappy music to do that. Spiked punch isn't really my favorite drink, anyway."

"There's no guarantee the punch will be spiked," Kongpob replies.

Arthit shifts, and Kongpob glances up at him to see him already looking down. His lips are pursed, expression flat.

"Okay, not funny," Kongpob nods. "Got it." He sighs, sitting up and taking Arthit's hand. "Well, you only get prom once, and I don't want you to waste that opportunity."

"Is it really wasting if I never wanted it in the first place?" Arthit asks, meeting his eyes.

Kongpob squeezes his hands. "You don't have to lie to me to make me feel better, you know."

"Since when do I lie to make you feel better?" Arthit asks, and then tilts his head. "Since when do I actively try to make you feel better?"

Kongpob smiles, remembering the time before they had started dating. "Not sure," he says. "It's been awhile."

Arthit hides a smile in his shoulder.

"Well," Kongpob finally settles on, seeing one of the final cars pull out of the parking lot, "I guess it's all up to you."

"Yeah," Arthit lets out a breath. "You know you still have next year, right?"

Kongpob hums. And then freezes. "So does that mean..."

"No."

"... that you'll still be with me in a year?"

"I'm breaking up with you now," Arthit says, though now it's his head coming down to rest on Kongpob's shoulder.

Kongpob laughs, wrapping an arm around Arthit's shoulders. "You'd never."

❈ ❈ ❈

Prae accosts him after first period to ask if he can go to the mall with her. He agrees, so once his final class period ends, he's rushing out the door, running down the hall, finding Prae still walking out of her classroom.

"Hey," he says.

"Hi," she replies. "Ready?"

"Yeah," Kongpob smiles. "What's this about? Not another date, right?"

"When was the last time we went on one of those?" Prae asks, bumping their shoulders together. "No way. Though it was kind of nice. A lot of girls hated me, you know."

"All of those suitors you wanted for yourself?" Kongpob tilts his head towards her, receiving a punch to the arm in lieu of a response. He holds up a hand. "Okay, okay. But really, why are we going?"

Prae smiles, something soft and secretive, something meant only for herself. "You keep asking about... about her."

"Her?" Kongpob asks, brow lifting. "So I'll get to meet her?"

"Um," Prae says.

"Oh, no."

"Not quite," Prae glances away, "because she's currently got a job. An enterprising woman, she is."

"Enterprising?" Kongpob laughs. "I can't imagine what a rich girl could need a job for."

"Well," Prae chews on her lower lip before releasing it, "when she brought up the idea of getting a job to her parents, they actually encouraged it. She said they're pretty... liberal in their thinking."

"So you're telling me she doesn't have a guy waiting for her already," Kongpob says.

"So I'm telling you she doesn't have a guy waiting for her, yes," Prae breathes out.

Kongpob can't help but smile at her, how nervous she looks, fingers laced together in front of her, eyes down. "Good for you, then," he says. "You deserve some good things."

"I have good things," Prae tells him, then. "I've got friends and good grades and money and my parents don't know and maybe they won't if I tell them but they love me. Right now." She sighs. "A girlfriend is a nice thought, but she's not my one good thing."

Kongpob recalls his words to May and sighs. "You're right. But still," when she looks at him, again, he smiles, "I'm happy for you."

"Thanks," Prae says. "Really. Thanks."

At the mall, the girl works at the coffeeshop on the far side of it, away from the entrance. They pass by their usual place, continuing on past vendors and shops until they reach the place. It smells like coffee and sugar and something spicy—chai?—, and Kongpob takes a deep breath in upon their arrival.

Prae grabs his hand. "There she is!" She nods her head, and Kongpob follows the motion to a pretty girl standing behind the counter, head lowered as she pours something into a mug. Her russet hair is pulled back in a ponytail, but loose strands falls around her face, no matter how many times she pushes them back. It shines sleek even in the artificial light. When Kongpob glances over, Prae's emotions are written all over her face.

So much for subtlety. He bites back a smile and instead starts walking up to the counter. He hears Prae let out a panicked noise from behind him.

"Hi," he greets, causing her to look up. "Do we order here?"

She nods, ponytail swishing back and forth. "Let me just finish this."

Kongpob smiles, nodding his head, before she calls out a name. Kongpob glances behind himself, to see if Prae wants anything, but she's got a magazine held in front of her face. He plucks it from her fingers and sets it back beneath the counter. "Calm down. It's not like you're proposing."

"Shut up," Prae whispers, flushing when the girl turns back to them.

Kongpob's eyes dart down to read her name. Waan .

"What can I get you?" she asks.

The weather has been warmer. "Iced americano," Kongpob says, "and whatever my friend wants."

When he steps to the side, Prae is determinedly not looking Waan's way, but Kongpob sees the way Waan's eyes widen and the way she straightens up. "Prae," Waan smiles, "felt like making the walk?"

"Only for you," Prae replies, eyes looking briefly to Waan before just as quickly looking away.

"Well, then," Waan leans forward, "what can I get you?"

"What's your favorite?" Prae asks, finally making eye contact. Her face is pink, a new look on her, but Kongpob thinks it's cute. He bets Waan thinks the same, but with a lot more romantic feelings attached.

"I like the caramel macchiato a lot," Waan says.

"What about salted?" Prae questions.

Waan's eyes light up. "The best."

From the way her shoulders fall back and her chin lifts, it's clear Prae preens under this approval. Kongpob bites back a smile, deciding to let the girls do their thing while he finds a table.

It's a couple minutes later that Prae makes her way over, smile on her face. "I'm so screwed," she tells Kongpob. "I'm so into her."

"She's really into you, too, you know," Kongpob states, brow lifting.

"What?" Prae asks. "No way. You're just trying to be nice."

"Prae," Kongpob replies, "I'm genuinely nice to you, and I'm being totally honest when I say that I think she likes you too."

Prae lets out a laugh, waving a hand. "Okay, sure, whatever you say."

Kongpob shrugs, and they sit in silence, Prae likely second-guessing all her past interactions with Waan, before Prae! is being called out in a way sweeter voice than the previous customer's name was called, and Prae is getting up to get their drinks. Kongpob smiles, leaning forward to rest his chin on his hand and watch, when Prae gets caught up in conversation with Waan.

It isn't until a couple minutes later that she returns with their drinks in hand.

Kongpob smiles softly at her. "You look really happy."

"I...," Prae looks down into her drink, "I am."

"You really should go for it," Kongpob says. "I really think she likes you."

"She doesn't," Prae argues, though she sends a hopeful glance back to Waan, who's know watching them from her place at the counter. Prae is quick to look away. "I get it, Kongpob. I deserve to be happy. I deserve the life I want. I deserve this, that, whatever, but she's not like Arthit. She has a legacy wanted of her, too. She's like us."

Kongpob straightens up, a need to defend Arthit, that he has a life, a legacy, likely expected of him too, but he shoves all that anger down, knowing that the expectations Arthit's parents hold to him aren't the same as the ones parents like Kongpob's and Prae's hold to their children. "You're right," he says, and Prae looks up, shocked at his concession, but he continues, "but you still should try." He knocks their ankles together under the table. "You never know."

Prae sighs, but she doesn't look back at Waan and she doesn't agree. But she doesn't disagree either.

❈ ❈ ❈

His dad leaves for another business trip, and Kongpob decides to pull out his old bike and go to Arthit's.

The thing is rusty, and when he says "old," he means old, but it still works, and he remembers how to ride it, so soon, he's whizzing down the street, around corners, past houses, kids, pets, trees and parks and stores, and soon he's at the entrance to Arthit's neighborhood. Kongpob pauses, gathering his breath, before shaking himself out and speeding the rest of the way to the elder's.

When he arrives, it's Arthit's mom who opens the door. "Kongpob!" she greets, quickly helping him place his bike against the wall then rushing him inside. "How are you?"

"Good, Mrs. Rojnapat," Kongpob replies. "And you?"

"Fine, fine," she answers, smiling at him and cupping his cheek. "Bit sad, knowing Arthit's leaving."

Kongpob lets out a breath. "Me too, ma'am."

He feels her eyes on the side of his face. Her stare burns. Finally, he turns to her right as she says, "You must really like my son, huh?"

Kongpob bites his lip, his automatic answer yes. He releases his lip to nod. "I do. He's... really amazing. More than that."

Mrs. Rojnapat nods, still watching him, though the conversation is dropped when she calls out for Arthit, who's quick to appear before them. His eyes are wide when he sees Kongpob. "You didn't tell me you were coming."

Kongpob smiles, tilting his head. "Found my old bike. It was a spur of the moment kind of thing."

Arthit nods. "Yeah." And then he reaches out to take Kongpob's hand, and Mrs. Rojnapat shakes her head, smiling, waving them off down the hall with a leave the door open! and Kongpob takes those words to heart this time because Arthit is wearing a t-shirt and sweats and looking extremely soft but also way too enticing, something tugging in Kongpob's stomach at the elder's appearance.

When Arthit pushes open his door, they share a small, secret smile. As soon as they step into the room. Kongpob grabs Arthit by the arm and pulls him into the kiss, his hand dropping his arm to grab his waist, the other coming up to hold his cheek. Arthit makes a small noise before settling into the kiss, arms wrapping around Kongpob's neck, pulling him closer. Arthit's lips are plush and warm, a little wet. Kongpob recalls Arthit's tongue swiping across his lip before their smile. He lets out a soft moan, giving a slight pull to Arthit's bottom lip. At Arthit's quiet whimper, Kongpob's stomach swoops again, that tugging feeling growing stronger. From outside the room, a throat is cleared. Kongpob and Arthit separate, a solid two feet between them now.

"So," Arthit clears his throat. "Um."

They stare at each other before a giggle makes its way up Kongpob's throat. Then, he does it again. Arthit's turning red, not meeting his eyes, but there's the flicker of a smile at the corner of his lips, too. Finally, he nods his head in the direction of the bed. "I was just... hanging out, so, um, yeah."

Kongpob nods, allowing Arthit to catch his breath, toss a couple stray shirts into a bin by the door, readjust his bed sheets. When Arthit lets out another breath, finally looking Kongpob's way, he sits on the bed. And then he pats the empty space next to him. Kongpob breaks into a grin.

"Hey," Arthit warns as Kongpob approaches. "This doesn't mean anything."

"Of course not, Arthit," Kongpob replies, leaning back some, trying to get relaxed, stretching his legs out across the floor, only to twist around then give up and sit up. Arthit watches him all the while, a single eyebrow raised.

"I can move," he says.

"No," Kongpob laughs, moving to wrap his arms around Arthit's middle. "I'm good here."

“We could move," Arthit suggests after a short pause.

Kongpob readjusts, his chin resting on Arthit's sternum, head tilted back so he can look him in the eyes. Arthit stares down at him, too, and then he scoots back. Kongpob loosens his hold on him, but he doesn't release him, instead following his movements slowly. It's an awkward sort of shimmy that has Arthit glancing down once only to bang his chin on Kongpob's head, Kongpob cursing and Arthit apologizing quickly, hands coming up to rub over Kongpob's head. Finally, they're laying properly across Arthit's bed, Kongpob resting atop the elder. It's comfortable, and feeling the rise and fall of Arthit's chest makes Kongpob's heart stutter from within his own.

Arthit lets out a sigh, a hand coming up to trace patterns across Kongpob's back. Kongpob feels his touch through the fabric as if Arthit's touching his bare skin.

"So why'd you come here?" he asks eventually.

Kongpob closes his eyes. "What?" he starts. "I can't just go to see my boyfriend?"

"Shut up," Arthit says, but there's no malice in his voice, just affection.

"But it's just like I said," Kongpob finishes. "I found my old bike and decided why not . I like seeing you, anyway."

"Yeah?" Arthit asks.

Kongpob hums.

When there's a pause, Kongpob guesses again that it's an Arthit silence. When he hears Arthit take a quiet breath, he knows he's right.

"I like seeing you, too." Arthit's voice is soft, a whisper of a murmur, really, but Kongpob hears him just fine.

He closes his eyes and attempts to bury his face deeper into Arthit's chest. He feels Arthit nose at his hair.

It's dark outside when Kongpob wakes to knocking at the door. Slowly and reluctantly, he sits up, overheated and the side of his damp with sweat from where he'd been laying on Arthit's chest. Arthit grumbles underneath him, eyes still squeezed shut, lips now twisted into a frown. Kongpob glances around before spotting Arthit's mother standing in the doorway.

"Kongpob," she whispers softly, "it's past seven. Are you heading home soon? You both have school tomorrow."

Kongpob stares at her blankly for a second before looking back down at Arthit. His expression has turned peaceful, and, in the soft light coming in from the hallway, Kongpob thinks he looks ethereal.

"Um," Kongpob says.

"If you need me to drive you back," Mrs. Rojnapat offers, coming closer, "I can."

Kongpob stays staring down at Arthit as he swallows, then says, "That'd be great, ma'am. Thank you."

Mrs. Rojnapat smiles at him. Kongpob smiles back, but his attention is still on Arthit. As soon as Mrs. Rojnapat turns and heads down the hall, Kongpob is leaning down to press a kiss to Arthit's forehead. "Hey," he whispers when Arthit finally blinks awake. "It's gotten really late. Your mom said she can take me home."

"What?" Arthit asks, still blinking up at him. Kongpob bites back a smile, though the corners of his lips still curve upwards. "Time 's it?"

Kongpob stops fighting his smile, instead grinning down at Arthit. He leans down to bring them nose-to-nose, and he swallows down the lump in his throat that grows when Arthit tilts his head up to rub their noses together. "Late," Kongpob repeats. "Past seven."

Arthit hums, lifting an arm to press up against Kongpob's shoulder. Kongpob moves, sitting up and leaning back, allowing Arthit to also rise and stretch. Kongpob swallows, looking away when Arthit's arm stretch up and with that motion, so does his shirt. The skin had been pale and looked smooth. Atop his lap, Kongpob's hands curl into fists. "I'll go with you," Arthit murmurs, quiet and low.

Kongpob licks his lips again, finally turning back to Arthit. "Okay," he says, just as soft. "Thanks."

They lock eyes, and Kongpob is breathless with the way Arthit's eyes glitter in the light. Then Arthit blinks and looks away. The moment is broken. "Okay," Arthit echoes. "Let's go."

Kongpob and Arthit lift Kongpob's bike into the back of the pick-up, and then Arthit himself hops into the bed of the truck. He stares down at Kongpob from above. When Mrs. Rojnapat sees her son, she lets out a sigh. "Arthit, please," she says, but Arthit only grins down at her, too.

In the lamplight, his cheeks appear flushed, and a cool night breeze sends his hair fluttering prettily. Kongpob is so gone. When Arthit extends a hand down to him, he takes it.

Even with the bike, there's still floorspace, but Kongpob hesitates when he realizes there's only enough for one person. Arthit motions for him to sit down. Kongpob stares at him with hesitant eyes. Arthit nods his head. "Sit down," he says. "I can sit on my knees or something."

Kongpob only continues to stare at him.

Finally, Arthit heaves a sigh and places his hands on his shoulders, guiding Kongpob down. Kongpob allows himself to be pushed, and Arthit sinks to his knees alongside him. Their gazes meet for just a second before Arthit shifts to sit flat, legs spread slightly. And then he looks to Kongpob again. Kongpob takes a seat.

It takes a second, but eventually Arthit loosens up and leans back more, allowing Kongpob to angle himself so he's got his back pressed up to Arthit's chest, his legs stretched out as much as possible in front of him. A beat passes, the truck starting up then backing out of the driveway, and then, hesitant, careful, Arthit snakes his arms around Kongpob's waist. Kongpob places his arms over the elder's to prevent him from letting go.

"Are you sure you want to sit like this?" Kongpob asks after a pause.

Arthit doesn't say anything.

"What if I'm too heavy and you're uncomfortable?" He tries his best to turn his head and look at Arthit, but Arthit only look aways. Kongpob frowns.

But then, Arthit glances at him from under long, dark lashes and murmurs something nearly lost to the wind. "It's okay," Kongpob hears. "We're dating, anyway, aren't we?"

Kongpob freezes, and he wonders if Arthit can tell that his heart has just skipped a beat, completely stuttered, tripped and fell, but then he gains control of himself again and merely slides a hand down Arthit's arm to take one of Arthit's hands in his own, giving it a squeeze. Arthit lets out a soft breath. It tickles the back of Kongpob's neck.

He bites his tongue. It's still too early to say it.

When he gets home, he's ready to collapse into his bed and think about Arthit until he's forced to sleep because of exhaustion, or maybe stand in the shower, icy water raining down on him until he works through the stupid, stomach-churning, tugging feeling that's been bothering him since he saw Arthit in comfy clothes, but instead of either of those things happening, he's forced to a stop in front of his bedroom door, where a note is pinned there with a shiny, silver thumbtack.

Kongpob has shaking hands when he goes to remove the thumb tack and take down the note to read it. There's only one person who could have left him the note, he knows.

Either way, he still reads it.

Kongpob, I've gone to a dinner meeting with the Tharnathassans. There's a premade meal in the fridge. Mom.

The note is crumpled in his fist.

And then it's quickly unfolded and held close to his chest. He takes a heavy breath before shaking himself out and pushing the door to his room open. Nothing's been touched or moved. Kongpob backtracks. Or so he thinks. He gives the room another solid once-over. No.

Everything looks fine.

He lets out a breath. Stupid books, stupid notes, stupid mothers, and stupid feelings. Everything is so dumb.

Kongpob collapses onto his bed, note still in hand. He's not even hungry.

❈ ❈ ❈

As soon as the last couple of students trickle out of the room, their chatter disappearing with them, Kongpob is leaning over to pull the note out of his backpack, quickly handing it to Tew with a quiet, "What the fuck."

Tew unfolds it, reads, it, folds it back up again, then hands it to Kongpob. The expression on his face is unreadable. Kongpob wonders what he's thinking, and then he sighs. "I don't really know what to tell you, Kong." He slings his backpack over a shoulder, then shoves his hands in his pockets. "I think she's really trying, but I also know how you think, and...." He gives another sigh before shrugging. "Just let things play out naturally," he finally settles on. "She's your mom. You can't really escape her." He nods to the paper clutched in Kongpob's hand. "I really think she's starting to try, though."

Kongpob shoves the note in his pocket. "I guess."

There's a pause wherein Tew looks over the room one last time before patting Kongpob on the shoulder. Kongpob frowns, and Tew looks him in the eye. "Stop guessing, Kongpob." And then he's waving, telling him an oddly cheerful goodbye, then an I'll text you! , and Kongpob is left standing alone in the student council room, wondering just what the hell is up with Tew, or maybe he's just gotten to the point where all his friends think he's a whiny brat and don't have time for him.

"Don't think that," Arthit scolds him later on, when they're walking to a small fast food place later, the two of them fairly hungry. "Tew's been there for you, and I mean really for you, for awhile. I don't think he's the type to throw things away like that."

Tew's not. Arthit's right. Of course, he's right. But Kongpob still worries. "It's just this back-and-forth, I guess," he says, causing Arthit to tilt his head. "It's like any time a good thing happens, suddenly this," he motions to his pocket, the note, "happens, and it's like I'm back to square one."

"But is that necessarily a bad thing?" Arthit's that is indicated with a nod of his head.

Kongpob presses his lips together, thinking. "It's... it's not. Technically. But do you really think I can trust her like that?"

Arthit sighs, head tilting the other way, before he nudges Kongpob with his elbow. "You don't have to trust her. Just don't be closed off. I'm not saying to tell her everything, but maybe act like a friend, see how she reacts."

Kongpob chews his lower lip, thinking Arthit's words over. It's just that it seems as if everything comes with a risk. Only inaction comes without consequence.

"Not doing anything can be bad, too," Arthit suddenly says, as if he can read Kongpob's mind. Maybe he can. Kongpob smiles slightly as Arthit continues, "Hamlet's fatal flaw was inaction. Look where that got him."

"He killed his uncle," Kongpob says.

"Yeah?" Arthit asks. "But then he died, too. And the same way."

Why is he always right?

Kongpob sighs, shaking his head. "I really can't believe you sometimes, Arthit." He's smiling.

"But you like me anyway," Arthit flirts, making Kongpob's heart not only stutter, but also trip and fall and maybe twist an ankle in the process. It'll be hard for it to get back up again.

"Yeah," Kongpob agrees as they arrive to the place, holding the door open as Arthit walks by, "I do."

When he gets home, his mom is on the couch, no dumb book in sight, the television on, and something on the stove. She, however, is focusing on none of those things, instead flipping through different documents, likely looking over business contracts for their company. Kongpob shakes his head before readjusting his backpack and setting his sights on the stairs.

He's almost there when he hears a small exclamation, and then, "Kongpob! I didn't know you got home."

She had to have known. He sighs and turns around, anyway. "Hi," he says.

His mom tries a smile. It looks awkward and lopsided on her face. Kongpob thinks he might pity her. "How was your day? Where were you? It's late."

It's not. Only about five. But he supposes it's later than when he usually gets home.

"I was out," Kongpob replies.

"Doing what?" his mother asks, and Kongpob briefly wonders if she's ever had an actual conversation with someone before.

"Had student council," he answers finally. "Then I went out with Arthit. Just got a snack."

Yeah, right. He and Arthit accidentally scarfed down a tray of tacos and tortas meant for a family of five like it was nothing. Granted, they did skip lunch in preference of other activities. Kongpob has to bite his lip to stop the smile that tugs at the corner of his mouth from spreading.

"Arthit, huh?" his mother asks.

"Yeah," Kongpob says. And then, because he's stupid, he adds, "he won't let me tell him I love him yet, so I've decided to show him instead." Then he laughs, as if he didn't just say something that made his chest tighten up and his lungs stop working and his head go into overdrive.

His mother stares blankly at a point behind him, and Kongpob thinks he's officially won the conversation, turning to finally go up to his room, but then his mother is clearing her throat and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "That's clever." Kongpob doesn't let himself think he maybe sees a smile.

His body is stiff with tension.

"But he's right," she continues. "You don't know who you love yet."

Fuck.

Fuck fucking fuck.

Kongpob doesn't care if she's not done speaking yet, doesn't care if she's got more to say or wants him to tell her about his day or about school or about student council. He doesn't care. He turns on his heel and rushes up the stairs. Maybe he won't love Arthit in the future, but he knows damn well his mother wasn't speaking in reference to just Arthit.

❈ ❈ ❈

"I'm not missing lunch to make out with you," is how Arthit greets him when Kongpob approaches him in the hallway.

"Not that I'm opposed to making out with you," Kongpob replies, "but that's not what I wanted to talk about."

Arthit lifts a brow. "Then what is it?"

"My mom is still holding on hope that I'm straight," Kongpob says, and Arthit frowns. "But I don't care. I'm not going to be closed off anymore. This is going to sound bad, but I kind of want to see her uncomfortable?"

Arthit takes his hand, holding tight especially now that most of the other kids are in the cafeteria, the hallways are relatively empty. Kongpob likes to think that Arthit would take his hand even if the halls weren't empty. He smiles at the other. "I'm glad you won't let her feelings affect you, but are you okay?"

"I'm...," he doesn't know, but, "managing. I really think I'll end up okay." He squeezes Arthit's hand, and Arthit squeezes back.

"Okay," Arthit says. Then he starts to tug Kongpob down the hall. "Let's go get lunch."

Kongpob lets himself be led with a smile.

"I still don't get it," May murmurs suddenly while her and Kongpob are studying, books scattered across the table. Kongpob glances over at her. "But you and Arthit are cute together."

"Yeah?" Kongpob asks, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. He doesn't try to hide this one or fight it down. "If I were sure it's a jealousy thing, and not a homophobic one, I'd totally ask if you want us to tone it down."

May laughs, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Kongpob had at first named it as something flirtatious, but now he realizes it's more of a habit. "Well, I wouldn't tell you to do that, not even if it were just that I'm jealous." She smiles at him. "You two look really happy together."

Kongpob smiles. "We are. And what about you? Are you happy, May?"

"I'm...," she stares down at the table, something like a smile on her face. "Yeah. I think I'm pretty alright."

Kongpob's eyes trail down her face. She's made mistakes, but so has he. He bumps her with his shoulder. "Hey," he says. "You and Aim should go to prom together. I'm flaking out."

"You're student council president," May says. "You can't flake out."

"I don't even want that position anymore," Kongpob tells her. "I don't think I ever did."

"So you don't care, then, Kongpob?" May looks over at him.

Kongpob shakes his head. "Not that. Now, I just know what I want." He smiles. "And I know I can get it."

May studies him for a second before sighing and shaking her head. She's wearing a smile.

❈ ❈ ❈

"How was school?" his mom asks when he gets home, mentally going through what homework he has left. Exams are the next month, and Kongpob's starting to feel the strain of studying.

"Getting busy again," he replies, and he feels a tug of satisfaction at the shock on his mother's face at his easy response. He thinks about Arthit offering to help him study. "Arthit's been a really big help. He's really smart."

He'll talk to his mother normally, but he won't let her escape the fact that he's gay and got a boyfriend.

He smiles when she doesn't say anything. "Well," he continues, "I should probably go study."

His mother waves a distracted hand. "You should."

His father is away again, this time not out of town, but on the other side of town, inspecting some of their factories, making sure everything is running as it should. He had said he won't be back in time for dinner.

"Kongpob!" he hears suddenly.

He drops his pencil, then scrambles to pick it up, tossing it on his desk before rushing out his door and down the stairs.

His mother is standing in the kitchen, smells of home-cooked meals wafting across the open space. Kongpob freezes in confusion. "It's time for dinner," she says.

Kongpob looks at the table. It's set for two. The clock on the oven reads 06:51 . His father won't be home for dinner. Kongpob goes and takes a seat.

He wishes he didn't sound so choked up when he says, "Thanks."

His mother smiles, wipes her hand on a small towel, then joins him at the table, nodding her head to show it's okay for him to eat.

Kongpob eats slow, continuing to eat long after his mother has finished her meal, savoring the moment, the fact that he's not eating alone at the house, not eating up in his room, not eating at some time past midnight.

His mother sits with him all the while.

❈ ❈ ❈

He doesn't owe her anything. He doesn't need to do it. But he still asks.

"Is it alright," he pauses in the doorway of his parents' room to talk to his mother, "if I go out for a bit?" He stretches out the sleeves of his jacket, tugging them down over his hands, then letting the fabric spring back up to his wrists.

His mother looks up from her reading. Kongpob hopes it's not that stupid book. The idea of her reading that... it's humiliating. "That's... fine." She sounds hesitant. Kongpob wonders why.

"I'll be home before sundown," he tells her, though he's not sure anymore what he's doing talking to her.

This is a new conversation for both of them. The freedom he suggests he has, knows he has, and her attempt to care more than she has before. For the right reasons, this time.

"Out with friends?" she asks. Kongpob wonders if she fears his answer. "Your sister's birthday is tomorrow, you know."

She means Kik's. Kongpob wonders if she'll ever read a book clarifying how to love your daughter who married a man you didn't choose for her.

"No," he replies. "Well, sort of. Arthit invited me over the other day—actually, he told me his mom told him to ask me," Kongpob laughs then, as if that'll quell the growing tension in the room, "if I wanted to come over for dinner, and his friends overheard, so they might come. I don't know yet."

"Ah," his mother says. Her gaze drops back down to her book. "Are his friends nice?"

"Funny," Kongpob replies. "Maybe you'll meet them, one day."

His mother hums. "One day."

Kongpob then decides the conversation is over, or at least ending, so he gives a final goodbye, then immediately hightails it out the door, riding his bike across town to Arthit's house.

Arthit's outside his house when he arrives. He waves at him, and Kongpob tries to wave back. He almost crashes his bike. Immediately, Arthit is running over to him to help him get steady, then he's quick to scold him. Kongpob blooms under the hidden concern.

"I'm okay, I'm okay," he tells Arthit, taking the elder's wrists in his hands and lowering his hands from his shoulders. "Don't worry." He meets Arthit's eyes. They smile dumbly at each other.

"Your mom is really nice," Kongpob tells him, then, and Arthit looks away.

"She really is," he says.

Kongpob wonders, then, what Arthit is thinking about. Maybe he's thinking about Kongpob's mom. He wonders if the two will ever meet.

"One day."

Kongpob shakes his head and attempts to climb off his bike even while holding Arthit's wrists.

"Okay," he says. "I'm really hungry. You live pretty far from me, you know."

Arthit forces his wrists out of Kongpob's grasp to instead shove him, Kongpob going with the movement, wobbling on his feet. "Crazy," Arthit tells him. Kongpob smiles.

When they get inside, Kongpob is quick to be embraced by Arthit's mother, who coos at his outfit and hopes that he likes the food she made. He greets her brightly and smiles at her as he pulls away, and she smiles back, hand lifting to ruffle his hair. "Keep the door open," she tells them, though her eyes are locked with Kongpob's. He flushes but nods, anyway. He hears Arthit groan.

"Mom, please," Arthit says, but she just laughs and heads to the kitchen, where Kongpob smells something delicious cooking.

"I was a teenager too, once," she says on her way there.

Arthit rolls his eyes before taking Kongpob by the hand. "I swear if she says that every time you come over...."

"She just cares about you," Kongpob laughs.

"We can't even get pregnant, Kong," Arthit says, making Kongpob laugh harder.

They hang out in Arthit's room, talking about everything and nothing at the same time, before they're interrupted by a knock on the (open) door. "Dinner's ready," Arthit's mom says from her spot in the doorway.

"Thanks, Mom," Arthit replies. He stretches, Kongpob glancing away from the pale sliver of skin exposed. "Is Dad home yet?"

"His car is in the driveway now," she smiles, "so you two better get ready."

"I'm fine," Arthit says, eyes sliding over to Kongpob, who swallows. "Can't say the same for him."

Arthit's mother's smile softens. "Don't scare him too much."

"I'd never," Arthit says sweetly, nothing but an angel.

"Of course," Mrs. Rojnapat nods, before drumming her fingers on the door then disappearing.

There's the sound of keys in a lock and then the sound of a door opening. "Ready, boyfriend?" Arthit asks, making Kongpob's heart stutter in his chest, the use of the title more nerve-wracking than introducing himself as that to Arthit's father ever could be. He recalls that the man had been nice enough prior to them starting to date, but he supposes he can never be too sure.

Kongpob squares his shoulders.

"As I'll ever be," he replies. Arthit stands and smiles down at him then, extending a hand, and Kongpob has never seen something more beautiful. Love dances on his tongue, but he keeps his mouth shut. He takes the hand offered instead, allowing Arthit to pull him up. And then, Arthit takes a step closer, their noses almost touching. Arthit's eyes are wide as he looks at him, and Kongpob's breath is stuck in his chest.

"Hey," he says, voice soft, "it'll be okay. I'm just teasing you." He takes a step back then smiles. He's absolutely deadly. "Mostly."

Kongpob lets out a nervous laugh before shaking his head, a more genuine one falling from his lips this time. He lets Arthit take him by the hand and lead him out of his room.

When they enter the living room, they see Arthit's mother sharing a kiss with a man fairly taller than her, the two sharing a content smile when they pull away, Arthit’s father revealing his true height. Kongpob feels something tug at his heartstrings and wonders if he should turn around, give them some privacy. Instead, his eyes go to Arthit. Arthit is looking at him.

"Dad," Arthit calls, finally taking his eyes off his boyfriend. "I want you to meet someone."

"Ai-oon?" his father asks, standing straighter, though it doesn't much change his height, just broadens his shoulders. Kongpob bites back a smile at Arthit's resemblance to his parents, and he also makes sure to remember the man's nickname for his son. Ai-oon . Cute. The man's eyes go from his son to Kongpob. Kongpob swallows and straightens, stepping forward to hold out a hand.

"Kongpob Sutthilak," he greets as Arthit's father takes his hand. "We met at the wedding. When I was his friend." He smiles, though he's starting to worry about sweaty palms as the man's grip tightens. "But, um, if you don't mind, I'm his boyfriend now, sir." He smiles wider, but the fear has already made his chest get tight. All he can think is oh, God, I fucked up .

Though only an inch taller than him, Mr. Rojnapat stares Kongpob down with the intimidation of a giant, his palm rough against Kongpob's as they do a firm shake, then another, before he releases Kongpob's hand. "So that's why my son never shuts up about you."

"I'm sorry," Kongpob stutters, the fear releasing him as giddy excitement takes its place. "what?"

"Dad!" Arthit splutters from behind him. Kongpob, though facing away, can practically see the red painting Arthit's face. He can practically feel it. "I do not talk about him that much!"

"But you do talk about me, Arthit?" Kongpob glances behind himself to ask. Arthit flushes further, and Kongpob smiles brightly at him. "I think that's wonderful." Arthit smiles back, and then Kongpob turns away to look at Mr. Rojnapat. "But yes, I guess that's why. I'm, uh, I'm dating your son. If... if that's okay, like I said."

"Bit too late for that, isn't it?" the man asks, making the tips of Kongpob's ears heat. He clasps Kongpob's shoulder, a jovial smile appearing on his face. "It's alright, no hard feelings. I remember you from the wedding well enough. You seem like a good kid, and my Ai-oon's had nothing but good to talk of you, too."

Kongpob swallows, then nods, a matching smile beginning to appear on his face, before Mr. Rojnapat pulls him close, once merry smile now taking on a sinister curve.

"But if you so much as look at a hair on his head wrong," he glares, and Kongpob's heart drops into his stomach, "it’s over for you."

"Yes, sir," Kongpob is quick to say. "I understand, sir."

" Dad ," Arthit whines.

"Yeah, yeah," the man says, taking a step back. "You seem like a good man, Kongpob."

Kongpob swallows again. He's heard the stern young man from countless voices, all arrogant socialites with nothing better to do with their time than scold young boys from behaving like, well, young boys, and he's heard that he'll never be half the man your father is from old tutors, old business associates, dirty dogs who see only dollar signs instead of people, all believing he'll never live up to his father's legacy—and they're right, he's starting to think, he won't live up to his father's legacy. But he doesn't want to. He'd rather make his own. It's warming to hear that someone seems him as a good man . He smiles at Mr. Rojnapat. "Thank you, sir."

The man pats his shoulder one more time before nodding at Arthit. "He's good. I approve. Not that my approval mattered much to you in the first place." Arthit flushes, looking away, and even Kongpob has to hide a bashful grin.

After a good dinner consisting of a family's love, it's Arthit and Kongpob by the door once again. "So?" Arthit asks.

"Your dad thinks I'm a good man," Kongpob beams.

"You seem like a good man," Arthit corrects, though Kongpob knows he's only teasing.

He can tease right back, however.

"Do you think I'm a good man?" Kongpob leans forward as Arthit leans back.

"I think you're a nuisance."

"Don't be like that," Kongpob whines. "Arthit." He drops his head forward onto Arthit's shoulder. Arthit doesn't move away this time, and his hands come up to run through Kongpob's hair.

"Fine," he hears Arthit sigh. "I think you're very good."

Kongpob smiles into Arthit's shirt.

"Now go," Arthit scolds, "before it gets too dark."

Kongpob leans back to direct his smile at Arthit. "Okay," he complies, heading out the door, only to pause and turn around. "I really like you, Arthit. I really, really like you."

Arthit stares at him before a blush colors his cheeks, and he has to look away. "I really like you, too." He looks back at Kongpob. "Now go!"

Kongpob nods, laughing before going and getting on his bike. He can feel Arthit's gaze on him all the while. "Bye, Arthit!" he calls as he starts to pedal away.

"Bye, Kongpob!" Kongpob's way is lit up by the sound of Arthit's laugh, and it plays on repeat in his head the entire way home.

Chapter Text

The first thing Kongpob does when he wakes up is call Kik on his original phone. And then he hangs up and calls her on his other phone.

“Kongpob?” she asks, picking up on the second ring.

“Sorry, yeah, it’s me,” he says. “I… you know, right? They’ve been seeing my phone records and stuff?”

Kik is silent for a minute.

Kongpob sighs and rolls to lay flat on his back. “It’s whatever. I was just calling to say happy birthday, so… happy birthday.”

“Don’t sound so enthusiastic,” Kik says, and Kongpob can practically see the way she has her brows raised. He blows a raspberry into the receiver, and her laughter rings across the line like bells. “I…,” she gives a sigh, and Kongpob pushes himself up off the bed, “I wanted to say I’m sorry.”

“What?” his voice cracks. Kongpob cringes.

“Kongpob,” his sister says, then sighs, “Kong. I’ve been… a terrible older sister. A terrible sister, really. And don’t say no , I know you. You know I’m right.” Kongpob bites his lip as he hears Kik shift. “And then I come home and it’s like I’m just everywhere for you. It was a lot, and I was just trying to make up too much at once. At least, I—I’m just so glad you’ve had Chalai because— “

“But I didn’t have Chalai,” Kongpob interrupts, making Kik stop short. “I saw Chalai for the first time in years at her wedding. It was just me.”

“Just you?” Silence. Kongpob swallows. “Kong. I— “

“It’s fine, like,” Kongpob swallows again, though his throat still feels dry, “I’ve been on the up ever since her wedding, so it’s fine.”

“You’ve had to go down, though,” Kik says. “I’m still so sorry.”

Kongpob closes his eyes. “Yeah.” His voice is rough.

“I’m here for you, now, though,” Kik finally continues. “I’ll always be here for you.”

“Happy birthday, Kik,” Kongpob replies.

“I love you.”

Kongpob hangs up.

❈ ❈ ❈

At the student council meeting, Kongpob doesn’t bring up any important issues, not that he thinks he’d be listened to, everyone, even the freshmen, chattering on about prom, only two weeks away, but even that doesn’t stop him from feeling like he may have just missed an opportunity. He tells Tew as much after the meeting, but Tew just gives him a pat on the shoulder.

“Thought you were good at giving your opinion,” he tells him.

“Yeah, right,” Kongpob replies. “Maybe to you guys, but I just… can’t open my mouth ever.”

“What is it this time?” Tew asks him, and that makes Kongpob pause. He’d always felt, just a little bit, like he’s been something of a burden, deadweight for his friends to carry around. He knows that can’t be true, that they’d tell him. But Tew’s phrasing is enough to make him stop. His mouth opens and closes before he shakes his head.

“It’s nothing. Haven’t been sleeping well.” He gives a smile, but he’s sure Tew can see right through him. He knows this for sure is a missed opportunity, a wasted chance to tell Tew about his fumbling relationship with his mother, but he doesn’t mind it. He can’t mind. “So… Dae?”

Tew blinks before looking away. “Dae.” He licks his lower lip then looks back over at Kongpob. “What about him?”

“Stupid isn’t a good look on you,” Kongpob teases, and Tew frowns at him. “Come on. Have you ever even dated anyone before?”

“How do you know we’re dating?” Tew asks immediately.

“You gave it away long before you went on the defense, that’s for sure.” Kongpob nudges him with his shoulder. “So have you?”

“And you and Arthit?” Tew shoots back. “Prae doesn’t count.”

“We weren’t dating,” Kongpob replies. “There’s nothing to count.”

“Right,” Tew says.

“It’s true,” Kongpob says, tapping his fingers against the table. “We might’ve said it, but it’s not like we kissed. Not even that, it’s not like we ever even liked each other. Not the way that people who are really together do.” He never even came close to feeling the way he feels about Arthit towards Prae.

“Guess you’re right,” Tew finally relents. “So you hadn’t?”

Kongpob chews on his lip before shaking his head. “Not like there was anyone for me to date. Don’t like girls. Don’t think I ever did. Can’t date boys. Or… couldn’t. You know, I don’t think I can still, sometimes. This isn’t even romanticization, but being Arthit’s boyfriend, it feels like a dream sometimes. Like I’ll wake up and it’ll all have been in my head. My parents don’t say anything, I mean, Dad’s rarely home, but even then, it still feels like I’m going behind their backs. Doing something wrong.”

“That’s just how it is though, isn’t it?” Tew asks, leaning forward. “I’m terrified of the day I come home and my mom’s gone through my phone or overheard me. It’s ridiculous. I don’t think she’d mind that much. I hope she doesn’t. But at the same time… I just don’t know how long I can keep Dae a secret.”

Kongpob studies his friend’s profile. It’s nice. And Tew kind of has pretty eyes. And a good smile. One you naturally have to trust. If Tew had never talked to Dae, if Kongpob never ran into Arthit, then maybe something between them could’ve happened. He smiles at the thought. 

Tew catches his smile, but doesn’t say anything, just smiles back.

Yeah, maybe something between them could’ve happened.

And then Tew starts telling him about something Dae said when they were hanging out during the weekend, and Kongpob’s thoughts about him and Tew begin to dissipate, leaving only something soft and sweet in their wake.

It’s right before they leave, Kongpob heading home, Tew to whatever important thing calls to him next, that Tew grabs his wrist. Kongpob stops, meeting Tew’s gaze.

“You know you can talk to me, right?” Tew asks.

Kongpob hesitates. “It’s just, you know, you’re busy. It’s cool. I don’t want to bother you.”

“You’re not,” Tew immediately replies. Kongpob’s brow furrows. “Bothering me, a bother,” Tew continues. “If you think you are, well, just know you’re not. Alright?”

Kongpob’s eyes drop to Tew’s fingers wrapped around his wrist. Tew lets go. Kongpob looks back up at him. “Alright. I’m sorry.”

“I know you’re not used to it, actual friendship or whatever,” Tew begins, “but I’m telling you now that it means having people care about you.” He smiles teasingly. “And talking about your problems.”

“I think I’ve filled my quota, forever.” Kongpob raises a brow.

Tew shoves him. “Nah. Your life is just more dramatic than the rest of ours. You already look like a celebrity. It’s only natural to have a plot that matches.”

Kongpob laughs. “If you say so.”

Tew walks backwards down the hall, grin still on his lips. “Yeah,” he says, “I do say so.”

Kongpob rolls his eyes, turning on his heel and going on his own way.

❈ ❈ ❈

His mom leaves the book out again. That disgusting pity rises in Kongpob’s throat. He lifts it from the couch and carefully enters the master bedroom to leave it on the dresser. His father still isn’t back home yet.

❈ ❈ ❈

He’s about to head off to Arthit’s, a text inviting him over to dinner from the other, which prompts him to go, when he sees his father dragging a suitcase across the living room.

“You’re back,” Kongpob says.

His father pauses, then looks at him. He doesn’t say anything.

Kongpob swallows. “Mom is talking to me, you know. You can, too.”

Nothing. Kongpob swallows again, ducks his head, goes. His dad finishes taking the suitcase to his room.

It’s one of those moments in which Arthit had just looked up at Kongpob, expression relaxed, eyes glinting something soft and warm, legs crossed as he sits on the bed, and it had been so clear that he was just waiting for Kongpob to take that final step, so Kongpob now has his head in Arthit’s lap, eyes closed, Arthit’s fingers running through his hair, occasionally giving little tugs that make Kongpob turn to giggle into Arthit’s thigh. Sunlight comes in, golden honey, through the slits in Arthit’s blinds, and Arthit starts to hum something sweet. 

“Next weekend,” Kongpob begins, voice quiet, afraid of speaking too loud and shattering the comfortable air between the two of them like glass, “we aren’t going?”

“You don’t want to go,” Arthit says. He looks down, fingers still combing through Kongpob’s hair, though he raises a brow now, too.

Kongpob chews his lower lip, and now both of Arthit’s brows are rising. He sits up, Arthit’s hand falling from his hair, though now it just rests atop his thigh. Kongpob swallows, looking away. “Not really,” he says, though Arthit hadn’t exactly asked. “If I do, it’s like… I’m making a statement or something. And I don’t want that. I mean, if you want to go with your friends or something…. You know, when I was still,” he pauses, cheeks heating, “when we weren’t together, I guess, I actually thought you wouldn’t go.” He glances back at Arthit, then away again, sure there’s a blush riding high on his cheeks.

“I remember,” he continues, “that we had talked about this with Prae, sort of. And I guess we agreed—about not going. But, I mean, before then… yeah. I thought you wouldn’t go, anyway.”

Arthit smiles, head tilting as Kongpob finally meets his eyes again. “Yeah?”

Kongpob nods, lifting a shoulder in a half-hearted imitation of a shrug. “I mean. I guess I thought you’d be too cool for it, or maybe you and your friends would go off and do something together instead. All I heard about you was that, like, you’re bad and should be avoided.”

“Think I was smoking out on roofs,” Arthit leans back on the bed, head falling onto his pillow, “or drinking right outside the fence?”

“I didn’t drink,” Kongpob replies, crossing his arms.

“Didn’t say I was talking about you,” Arthit retorts, but then he laughs and pushes himself back up to smile at him. “Maybe the smoking thing.” His smile, at first sharp and teasing, eases into something softer, sweeter. “Haven’t done that in awhile, have you?”

Kongpob gives a breathless laugh, ducking his head. “You were right.”

“Of course I was,” Arthit leans back again. “I’m always right.”

“Uh-huh.”

Arthit reaches out, taking Kongpob’s hand in his, then lacing their fingers together, eyes on their joined hands. Meanwhile, Kongpob keeps his eyes on him. He takes in the straight slope of Arthit’s nose, the way it rounds out and widens, his full lips, the slight curve to them as Arthit smiles. He tries to count the lashes on Arthit’s eyes, gives up and counts his two dimples instead. One, two. Arthit lifts his head to stare right back at him. Kongpob smiles, and Arthit smiles back.

He doesn’t say the words, Arthit still won’t let him, but soon. He knows Arthit will let him soon.

He knows it.

❈ ❈ ❈

Prae sighs, resting her head on his shoulder. Classes are over for the day, and usually, now is when Kongpob would go be with Arthit, but Arthit is helping Knot with robotics, something Kongpob didn’t actually know Arthit did until now. Prae would have been with him either way, however, because, upon arriving at him staring into an empty stairwell, had declared that she was lonely and bored, and therefore would be spending time with him.

After she gives another sigh, Kongpob’s staring into the wall becomes even more determined as he takes her hand in his and intertwines their fingers.

“What is it?” he asks.

“I’ve already said,” she replies. “I’m lonely.”

“I thought that was your excuse,” Kongpob says, turning to look at her, and forcing her to lift her head from his shoulder. She looks back at him, brows furrowed, pink lips turned downwards.

“I mean, yeah,” she admits, “but also Waan exists and isn’t my girlfriend.” At this, her lips turn even more downwards, and her brows furrow even deeper, but the look isn’t a pout, especially when she sighs one more time then still leans to rest her head on Kongpob’s shoulder, though she really pushes her face into the left side of his upper chest. “I want to ask her out so bad, you don’t even know, but also what am I supposed to do?”

“There’s this thing called, uh, just… asking her out.” He bites back a laugh at her miffed expression and goes on to shrug, squeezing her hand as he does so. “She seemed to really like you, and there’s no harm in trying.”

“Kongpob,” Prae finally says, voice soft, “I’m not… out to my parents. What am I going to do if she says yes?” She wets her lips, eyes dropping to the ground. “I can’t go behind their backs, not like this. Also, I know I complain about not dating her, but if I do… if we become girlfriends, I don’t want her to be this… this secret that I have! I want to… show her off, and I want her to show me off, too.”

And Kongpob wants to tell her to do it, that she should ask her out and they can date, he swears it, but he’s living proof that you can’t always get away with things, and he knows he’s a special case, but the fact of the matter is that he and Prae are two people intertwined, no matter how hard they try to separate themselves. In the aristocracy, an engagement is just as powerful as a marriage; even after you separate, some part of you is missing and some part of you is not your own.

He squeezes her hand. She squeezes back.

“I’ll figure it out,” she eventually whispers.

“Whatever you think is best for you.” He can’t help but whisper too.

❈ ❈ ❈

He actually has to participate in this meeting, which is weird. Honestly, it’s funny—his father had him join the student council to boast on his resume and to get that feel of working in a group, in a corporation; he’s expected to gain timeless skills and endless bonus points. And yet he’s barely done anything. He’s just… being. Every Tuesday this year has been another day, and he’s not resentful, but all he can think about is the record-breaking win-streak the basketball team had this year. Aim must be proud.

He’s shaken from his thoughts when Tew addresses him with a raised brow. “So?” he asks. “Letting people buy tickets at the door?”

Kongpob squeezes his eyes shut, pinching the bridge of his nose, though he’s pretty sure that doesn’t actually do anything. Either way, he does it, then blinks and drops his hand. “Max occupancy of venue? Food? Catering, we didn’t get a cheap company and we should’ve had our numbers in Friday. I don’t mean to crush anyone’s dreams, but I’m leaning towards no.” He makes an apologetic face, then leans back in his chair. “Either way, this is a loose model of democracy, so we’ll vote. Anonymous or no?” He shakes his head before anyone can reply. “Dumb question. As this deals with money, we’ll do it anonymously. Heads down, please. I’m only the figurehead here.”

As the students all close their eyes and put their heads down, he feels a soft touch to his arm. When he looks over, Tew is already looking back, eyes dark and concerned. You good? he mouths.

Kongpob only smiles. He knows it doesn’t reach his eyes.

No tickets will be sold at the door. The deadline for tickets was Thursday, no exceptions.

He’s really not going to prom.

❈ ❈ ❈

“I just get so worried that he’s going to wake up Sunday and, like, hate me because we didn’t go!” He’s got his hands gesturing out in front of him, some poor imitation of sign language, not even real gesticulation, as Prae listens intently, though her sympathetic expression appears more sarcastic than caring.

It’s clear she’s being sarcastic when she replies: “Well, he’s a senior, and he knows people that aren’t you who are in fact his friends that he would also probably maybe want to go with and who he would go with if he really wanted to.” She rolls her eyes as she wraps her arms around her knees, her voice softening. “Really, Kong. It’ll be fine. He wants this just as much as you do. He likes you.”

And he knows this, so he nods, but he still feels bad, so Prae lets him rest his head on her shoulder. They sit like that till Arthit appears, and even then, all that happens is that Arthit sits next to Kongpob and takes his hand.

It’s nice, and when Kongpob feels Prae’s eyes on their hands, he tries to wonder what she thinks before giving up and enjoying the moment.

❈ ❈ ❈

Prom night. Oh God. He tells his mom he’s going to Arthit’s. She says to be safe. He takes his keys and heads out the door.

“Will you regret this?” Kongpob asks, taking Arthit’s hands in his. They stand in the middle of Arthit’s room, while music plays softly from his phone. “Not going to prom?”

“Why should I?” Arthit asks back. He squeezes Kongpob’s hands, and Kongpob can’t hold back the smile curling on his lips. “I’ve got all I want right here.”

The words are bold, not his usual style. They make Kongpob’s cheeks warm and his smile grow wider. He brings their foreheads together, closing his eyes against the force of his smile. “You’re so amazing,” he breathes out. His heart stutters when Arthit rubs their noses together. “I absolutely adore you.”

There’s a pause where it’s just them swaying to the music, and then—

“You can say it now, Kongpob.”

He opens his eyes. Arthit isn’t looking at him. Kongpob knows exactly what words he’s allowed to say. For his troubles, Kongpob releases Arthit’s hands to bring his own up to his neck, thumbs brushing over Arthit’s cheeks then moving Arthit’s head, so he can press a kiss to Arthit’s lips. “I love you,” he says when he pulls away. He brings their lips together one more time. “I really do.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Arthit says. And then, a beat. A breath. Kongpob’s already smiling. “I love you, too.”

“At first, I remember thinking that you wouldn’t want to go,” Kongpob says, hands dropping to Arthit’s waist, Arthit’s hands holding onto his arms, “to prom, and then after we got together I thought you would, but I—I don’t know. Sorry I’ve been kind of a mess these past few weeks… months, really.”

“A mess?” Arthit asks, brows rising in surprise. “Kongpob, Kong, do you even know how… just how fucking resilient you are?” His hands slide up Kongpob’s arms to cradle Kongpob’s face in them, his palms warm against Kongpob’s skin. “You’re actually, like, the best person ever. Oh my God.”

“I love you,” Kongpob says again, because he can. That’s something he can do now. So he says it again. “I love you.”

Arthit kisses him. Pulls away. Kongpob opens his mouth. And then Arthit kisses him again.

The night devolves from there. Soon, it’s Arthit sighing into his mouth, hands making a steady trail towards Kongpob’s belt, and Kongpob’s doing the same. Soon, it’s slick heat and shaky gasps, the grip of a hand that’s not his own around him. Soon, it’s Arthit, moaning soft and needy, and Kongpob whispering I love yous into sweaty skin. Soon, soon, soon.

They fall asleep wrapped up in each other, legs tangled and hearts warm.

❈ ❈ ❈

Kongpob wakes to an itchy nose, him scrunching up his face, eyes squeezing shut tighter. When he’s blocked from sitting up, everything comes back to him.

Arthit’s asleep on his chest, eyes shut, lashes fanned out over his cheeks. The pale sunlight makes his skin glow something pretty, and now, purely because he can, Kongpob whispers, “I love you,” into his hair, the short strands having been what were tickling his nose. Arthit grumbles in his sleep, and the fingers he’s wrapped around Kongpob’s bicep tighten their hold. Kongpob smiles up at the ceiling. For a moment, he thinks he could lay here forever. And then he hears the clanking of pots and pans in the kitchen, then the distinct sizzle of bacon on a skillet, and he’s thinking shit because he did things with Arthit last night, and though he knows she probably won’t show it, Mrs. Rojanapat will know. Fuck.

He’s not going out there on his own.

But… if he goes out there with Arthit, that’s like double-embarrassment. So maybe he should go out there. Just him. That way he can get used to it. Maybe he can lighten the atmosphere for when Arthit wakes up because Arthit wakes up late, so if he just goes and hangs out there in the kitchen… or… Arthit’s window is only a few feet off the ground. He could climb out the window, make his quick escape. If anyone asks, he can say he was called back home. No biggie.

So caught up in his thoughts, Kongpob hadn’t noticed the sounds from the kitchen (excluding the sizzling) had stopped until Arthit’s door is being cracked open and Mrs. Rojnapat is leaning her head inside, clearly able to see Kongpob’s eyes wide open as he stares up at the ceiling.

Fearfully, he looks over at her.

But she only smiles. “Breakfast’ll be ready in ten,” she says softly. “Just bacon and eggs. Good?”

Kongpob nods, and Mrs. Rojnapat nods back before backing away and shutting the door behind her. She’s not naive. She knows what they did. And she’s… cool with it. It’s awkward, but, Kongpob thinks, gently moving Arthit from atop him to beside him, maybe that’s just part of it. Skip prom, so you’ve got to get the awkward moment with parents in the morning.

At least he didn’t get drunk or something. No vomit stains on the Rojnapats’ carpeting, thank you very much.

He gets out of bed slowly and quietly, so as not to wake up Arthit, but he’s pretty sure he can sleep through anything. Kongpob smiles down at him before pressing a quick kiss to his brow, then he makes sure he looks presentable and slips out of the room.

When he gets to the kitchen, Mrs. Rojnapat is buttering some toast and setting it onto a plate.

“I lied,” she says when he takes a seat at the bar. “I’m making breakfast sandwiches.” He starts to smile at her, though the smile drops when she gives him an appraising look, raised brow and all. “I lied again. We’re making breakfast sandwiches.”

“Uh,” Kongpob says. And then, “Sorry, I mean,” and then, “I can’t cook,” and then, “I mean,” and then, “sorry.”

Mrs. Rojnapat rolls her eyes, though she’s got a little smile quirking her lips. “Everyone can cook. You just have to learn how.”

So he learns how to make fried eggs and bacon, and how to put them on toast. As soon as he’s taking a bite into his sandwich, he feels dumb for ever saying he can’t.

“The ability to do certain things,” Mrs. Rojnapat says, “is relative.” She pours herself some more orange juice. “Also relative—the extent of things you and Arthit can do under my roof.”

Kongpob freezes. His sandwich is halfway to his mouth. He doesn’t bring it to his lips, nor does he set it down. He stares wide-eyed at Mrs. Rojnapat as she continues:

“You and I both know I’m not dumb. It was prom night, you’re dating, you’re teenagers, it’s natural, sure, and I trust both of you. Normally, I’d say I trust Arthit, and I do, but you’re also good, Kongpob.” She smiles gently at him as he sets down his sandwich. “But I don’t want you two to get hurt, and I don’t want you both thinking you can do whatever.”

Kongpob begins to nod, but she’s not done.

“I’m going to have to say this to Arthit, too. Don’t worry, you won’t have to sit through it again. Though maybe you can; you can crack some jokes that I’ll laugh along with just to throw him off his groove.” Kongpob swallows, offering a hesitant chuckle. She’s funny; he likes her, but he doesn’t know if they’re quite there yet in this conversation. “Either way. I don’t know what you two did last night, nor the extent that you two went, but I just need you to make sure you’re being smart about things. I’ll ask this of Arthit, too, but this is me asking you, Kongpob.

“I know you guys aren’t taught what you should be in school, and I know your parents likely aren’t telling you much either. Aren’t willing to,” she makes a face, though she’s quick to spring back to her normal tone, “but I’ll do my best to inform you of the things you need to know. And, look, the Internet is a resource, but it’s also completely unfiltered. If you see something, please double-check that it’s realistic. Feel free to ask me. I’ve at least had sex before!”

She quiets down, so Kongpob starts: “We… didn’t go, like, all the way or anything last night, but, uh, thank you. I don’t… I don’t know when we’ll do that, but, uh, yeah.” He smiles at her, and she smiles back. “Thanks.”

Mrs. Rojnapat reaches across the bar to ruffle his hair. “You’ve got people looking out for you, Kongpob. Alright?”

He nods, her hand still in his hair, fingers tangled in his strands. “Alright.”

She stays smiling at him for another second before nodding her head towards the front door. “After this feel free to skedaddle. I think it’d be hilarious, but Arthit would probably try to kill both of us if you were there when I give him that talk. You know how he is.” And the thing is, Kongpob does.

He can’t help the grin that tugs tight at his lips. “Think I can come back around lunch? I’ll bring something to eat.”

Mrs. Rojnapat nods. “You’re always welcome here. You know that.”

“Yeah,” he really does.

He leaves the Rojnapats’ with a grin on his face and a promise to return a little after twelve with something for lunch.

“I can’t believe she did that!” Arthit’s ranting, the most Kongpob’s ever heard him talk, cheeks a furious red as he gestures this way and that, going on about his mom’s behavior that morning.

“I think it’s sweet,” Kongpob interrupts. “She really loves you.”

“And that’s what makes it so embarrassing!” Arthit cries. “I agree; my mom is great, but she even… she even talked to you!”

“And I’m glad,” Kongpob replies, “because that’s also like an even stronger stamp of approval for me,” he takes Arthit’s hand, halting the other’s frantic movements, “for us. Also, the moment’s passed. You can let it go.”

He watches as Arthit takes a heavy breath, shoulders dropping and his eyes slipping shut as he gets ahold of himself.

“You’re right,” Arthit says once he’s managed to relax. “I just get… you know. Freaked or whatever.”

“I mean, you’re right too.” Kongpob smiles as Arthit takes a seat on the bed next to him. “It is embarrassing. But it’s sweet and it shows that she loves us and that’s good.” Arthit lets out a sigh, turning his head to bury his nose in Kongpob’s neck. “Hey,” Kongpob says after a beat of silence. Arthit hums, warm breath tickling Kongpob’s skin. “I love you.”

Arthit tenses. And then, “Love you too.”

Kongpob’s certain he’s never smiled this much before.

❈ ❈ ❈

“Someone’s certainly happy,” Prae says when she sees him at lunch. “Didn’t see you at prom. Guessing that has something to do with…,” she waves a hand, gesturing towards Kongpob, “this?”

“Not to be a stereotypical teenage boy,” Kongpob begins, “but yes. I’m pretty sure skipping prom got me laid.”

“What the fuck?” Prae says it all in a rush, her words blending together. “Kongpob.” She stares at him. “What the fuck.”

“Okay, I mean, it wasn’t like… all the way,” Kongpob says, “and that’s not even the most important part, although I’m pretty sure sex does raise your endorphins or whatever, but no, like, Prae, he let me,” and the grin returns full force, making Prae’s brows raise; Kongpob leans closer, “he let me say ‘I love you.’”

At this, Prae starts to smile, something hesitant and soft. “That’s so good. I’m happy for you, Kongpob.”

“And now,” Kongpob continues, “I can just… say it whenever! Like, I could go over to him right now and tell him I love him and that’d be okay! And I do! I love him and he loves me!”

“You never talk this much,” Prae says with a laugh. “I’m really, really happy for you.” Her eyes turn soft as she puts a gentle hand on his shoulder. “You deserve good things, Kong, and this? This is definitely a good thing.”

❈ ❈ ❈

Of course nothing goes on in student council. Everything was all about prom, and now that that’s passed, what’s there to do?

“We need to be getting ready for the end of the year,” Kongpob says to Tew as the meeting dissolves into pointless chatter. “I don’t know what we’re doing here, like, we have things to be doing!”

“And you are the leader,” Tew replies, smiling as his phone vibrates on the table.

“Don’t check that, oh my God,” Kongpob sighs as Tew picks up his phone and starts to reply, “wait, stop, is that Dae? How’d that go? I haven’t heard anything about it.”

“We’re only juniors,” Tew answers, setting his phone back down. “I went. He didn’t come. Next year, though. Something will happen next year.”

“You’ll ask him next year?” Kongpob asks.

Tew smiles. “Yeah.”

They sit in silence for a second before Tew continues:

“You’re the president of this group. You know you can just say what we need to focus on. People will do it. They have to.” He laughs as Kongpob looks over at him. “For someone who’s trying so hard to take control of his life, how can you take control of something so grand when you can’t even control a group of high schoolers?”

Fuck. Sometimes Kongpob really hates it when Tew is right.

But he still stands up. He still claps his hands together, and he still says, “Guys, let’s get serious; the end of the year is coming up, and we need to tie up some loose ends.” And the students—they fall silent and listen.

❈ ❈ ❈

He’s quietly eating dinner alone in the dining room when his mother walks in, hair pinned back out of her face and wearing a nightgown. It’s the most uncomposed she’s looked in awhile.

“Your exams start in a couple weeks, don’t they?”

Kongpob glances down at his bowl of soup. “Uh, yeah. May 28th.”

His mother nods before drumming her fingers on the table. “Do you… you’re alright? In your classes?”

“Still straight A’s,” he replies.

She nods again. “Good. Good. If you need any help, I can get a tutor or….”

“Bit too late for that,” Kongpob answers, and he doesn’t mean for it to come out bitter, but it does, so he adds, “but I’ll keep that in mind next year.”

“Your… Arthit,” she starts, making Kongpob freeze, unable to meet her eyes, “he’s a senior? Would you… would you maybe want to go to his graduation?”

“I don’t know if he’d…,” but he wants to. “Yeah,” he finally says, “I would.”

“Consider it on the calendar,” she finally says.

Kongpob nods, and then she leaves, as if she were never there at all, but the jitters, and the growing gratitude, elation, that she brought remains.

❈ ❈ ❈

He’s found a place to sit with May in the library, and they read together in silence until May sets her book down and says, “I never told you about prom, did I?”

Kongpob sets his own book down, looking over at her, head tilting. “No. Did something big happen?”

May stares down at the table for a second, cheeks steadily turning red, before she looks up at him. “Actually, yeah. Something big did happen.”

Kongpob raises his brows as she goes, “Aim asked me out!”

“At prom?” Kongpob can’t hide the laugh in his voice, but luckily, May laughs too.

“Yeah,” she answers, “he’s never had the greatest timing, but neither have I. So… I said yes. And Aim and I, I guess, are a thing now.”

“That’s great!” Kongpob smiles at her, though he’s kind of shocked. He didn’t realize Aim still liked May, but also… he hasn’t exactly been keeping tabs on Aim since the photographs and all that either. Aim has been… not a priority in his life. Maybe he’ll never be, not again. But if May likes him, then maybe…. Maybe May hasn’t been what he wants in a friend, but she’s not bad, so he decides, for her, he can try. “That’s great,” Kongpob says again, even as May tucks a piece of hair behind her ear.

“Really?” she asks, eyes once again on the table, though they occasionally flit to Kongpob. “I mean, he’s sweet and I know he cares, but sometimes I worry that I’m just… looking to put my feelings somewhere else, and I’m not quite ready to—”

“May,” Kongpob says, “we’re in high school. You aren’t agreeing to marry him.” He knows they both ignore the fact that he started the school year off engaged. “Just… enjoy this for now, and if you don’t work out, then… break up with him. Simple as.” 

May considers this then nods. Kongpob smiles at her, and she smiles back.

❈ ❈ ❈

The knock comes late. Almost dinnertime. It is Kongpob’s mother who answers it with an elegant, “How may I help you?”

Kongpob watches from the kitchen bar, eyes wide when he recognizes who it is just seconds before they reveal their identity. Not that Kongpob’s mother doesn’t know. (Though perhaps she doesn’t—perhaps she’s removed those incriminating images from her mind like a surgeon, with steady hands and a sharp scalpel, quick and clean.)

“I’m… Arthit. Rojnapat. Kongpob’s,” and here he pauses and Kongpob knows why. Is it too much? Is it too much to announce him as who he really is? And if he says he is Kongpob’s friend, which he is but—is that not too little? To just be friends, when they know they’re both so much more? He clears his throat, and Kongpob knows what he’ll say. “I’m Kongpob’s boyfriend, Arthit. If he’s home, is it alright for me to see him?”

He’s so damn polite, and Kongpob loves him so damn much. It’s not like he’s usually mean, cold and cruel with hard edges, but there’s a softness coloring his voice and Kongpob thinks he may be playing it up but also Arthit cares. This is Kongpob’s mother he is meeting, a woman who has been nothing but against him since the beginning—and he is offering kindness, extending a hand when he should really cut hers off. 

Kongpob’s mother takes it. “He is, and you may.” She wears a smile as she turns to open the door wider, one that is awkward and wavering, shaky in the face of her usual stature, but it’s an attempt. It’s the first step on unsteady legs, and Kongpob appreciates it. He rises from his stool when Arthit takes a step in, and he smiles at Arthit when he catches the other’s eyes.

“Kongpob,” Arthit says, his name a mere whisper, but it echoes in Kongpob’s ears, louder than the fireworks that went off as they kissed, months ago under a starry sky, the backyard dark but warm. And then he takes a step forward, and so does Kongpob, and then they’re meeting in the middle and oh, oh, oh. This is the first time Arthit has been in his house. For once, they can be in Kongpob’s room.

He tangles his fingers with Arthit’s and leads him up the stairs. They’re almost to the top when Kongpob’s mother speaks up:

“The door,” she says, “leave it open.”

And it isn’t joking, warm in the curve of a smile—nothing like Arthit’s mother. But it’s not cruel either. It’s soft and hesitant. And caring. It’s a mother looking out for her son when she’s never quite done it for him before.

Kongpob sends her a smile. “We will.”

They do.

Later on, when Arthit really should be leaving—but Kongpob’s got him trapped in his arms, legs tangled together atop Kongpob’s bedspread, unable to move—, Kongpob murmurs into short hair, “You never said why you’re here.”

“So you can just drop by whenever you want, but I can’t do the same?”

The words startle a laugh out of Kongpob, and he buries his nose further into Arthit’s hair. “Of course you can. I just… wasn’t expecting it.”

They’re silent for a second, and then Arthit shifts. “This… it’s okay, though, right? Me coming over like this?”

“It’s perfect.” Kongpob takes a breath, lips curling into a content smile at Arthit’s soft scent. “I love you.”

Arthit shifts, likely about to respond the same, but then footsteps down the stairs cut him off. Breaking free of Kongpob’s arms, Arthit sits up.

Kongpob follows, eyes locked on the door.

“What is she going to do?” Arthit asks.

“Nothing,” Kongpob answers, almost immediately. “I don’t think she can do anything worse than before.”

Arthit remains silent for another minute before sighing. “I should go.”

“Stay?” Kongpob tries when he starts to get up. “It’s a Saturday. Perhaps you could….”

Arthit huffs out a laugh as Kongpob begins to press kisses down his neck. “No. I love you, but not that much.”

“But you still love me.”

He feels eyes on him then, and he looks up to see Arthit smiling down at him. “Yeah,” Arthit says. “I do.”

Kongpob smiles back before taking his hand. “Well, if you have to go, let me at least drop you off—take you to the door, if not that.”

Arthit sighs but presses a kiss to his lips. “Fine. But I am leaving.”

“Of course,” Kongpob agrees.

It still takes another five minutes before they actually get downstairs. Kongpob’s mother is sitting on the couch, eyes locked on the book in her hands, though Kongpob is certain she isn’t actually reading. If she heard their laughter and words drifting down from upstairs, she doesn’t tell them.

Arthit unlocks their fingers right outside the door. Kongpob gives a small whine as Arthit laughs. “I came on my bike,” he says. “I love you.”

“Don’t get hit,” Kongpob replies. 

Arthit rolls his eyes as Kongpob curls a hand over the nape of his neck, pulling him into a kiss. Right before their lips meet, however, Arthit is hesitating. “Here?” he asks, eyes darting left and right.

Kongpob doesn’t give him a verbal response, merely closing the distance between them. Words between them sometimes are just… unneeded. Arthit’s hands find home on his waist, and Kongpob grins into the kiss as Arthit’s fingers curl tight into his shirt.

❈ ❈ ❈

The next morning, Kongpob’s mother is still quiet, though it’s not the silence from before. This is more contemplative—heavy, filled with words wanting to be said, but unable to be spoken. 

Kongpob is going to wash his bowl from breakfast when his mother finally approaches him. “So you really like Arthit,” she begins, and though it sounds like it could be a question, Kongpob knows it’s not.

He answers anyway. “I do.” A secret smile curls on his lips at her words, their unwritten history coloring his past few months, all the times he’s told Arthit that he really likes him. “I love him,” he says. Because he can.

His mother doesn’t reply, but that’s okay. Nothing she could say would make his feelings change.

❈ ❈ ❈

The meeting is actually productive. Tew doesn’t check his phone, even when it buzzes against the table and Kongpob immediately catches the bright message from Dae, and people offer surprisingly valuable input, and everyone is generally amiable but decisive, able to figure out solutions to problems that aren’t the big ones Kongpob complained about at the beginning of the year, but definitely bigger than interpersonal drama that shouldn’t even be dragged into student council meetings.

By the time the meeting ends, Kongpob’s got a decent set of notes in front of him, and he’s actually giving genuine smiles to the students as they all file out. Tew remains in his seat, phone unlocked and fingers flying now that the meeting is adjourned and he’s able to reply.

“I’m not going to say anything,” he begins, making Tew glance up from his phone.

“You’re saying something now,” he says.

“Shut up. I’m not going to say anything because I know you’ve got enough on me to last a year or two—”

“Damn right.”

“But seriously, dude?”

Tew sets his phone back down on the table. “I didn’t check it during the meeting, not like last time. Progress. Furthermore, I’m the best member that’s here. I’ve been on your side since the beginning, remember?”

Kongpob rolls his eyes, leaning back in his chair. “Point, point.”

Tew hums, picking up his phone again when it goes off, only to huff and set it back down when it ends up not being Dae. Then he hesitates. “Isn’t,” he chews his lower lip, eyes going to the ground below, “Arthit—isn’t he graduating next week?”

“What?” But Kongpob already knows. Arthit is graduating in a week. The date’s circled twelve times in bright red, highlighted and underlined too, in his mind, and it looms ahead of Kongpob, constantly taunting him, the way he’ll always be one step behind.

A hand on his shoulder jerks him out of his thoughts. “Hey, man,” Tew says, hand dropping from Kongpob’s shoulder, “don’t worry so much. He said he’s going to a college in the city right? Not that far. You’ll still be able to see each other.”

“Not….” Kongpob hesitates. Technically, yes, they will be able to see each other. The big city is only about forty-five minutes away, and Kongpob knows that for Arthit, he’d be willing to make that drive. But the problem is that Arthit doesn’t want him to.

He had thought it over on his own, wondering if it was just Arthit’s general cautiousness, if this was just fear controlling his mind. He had thought it over more, considering that perhaps he’s too ambitious, perhaps he expects too much from Arthit, too much from the relationship of two teenagers.

In the end, he finds he still doesn’t know. In the end, the end is starting to seem more and more inevitable.

“Not?” Tew echoes, and Kongpob shakes his head.

“You’re right,” he says, pushing himself up and out of his chair. “It’ll be fine. Have fun with Dae.”

“I—”

“Don’t want to hear it.” Kongpob lifts a hand, both as a dismissal and a goodbye, as he walks out the door, leaving Tew, still sitting in his chair, alone.

When he’s out in the hallway alone, door shut softly behind him, he loses his image of composure, fists flying at air, aiming a kick at a locker. His foot stops just before it, knowing the sound will alert Tew, knowing he’ll probably just hurt himself. It’s not like anything he does will change Arthit’s mind on this matter. Might as well enjoy things up to the—

“There you are,” Arthit says, making Kongpob look up from where he’d been staring blankly at the ground, completely lost in thought. He smiles at the younger, and Kongpob tries his best to smile back, though when he sees some of the brightness in Arthit’s smile dim, he knows it’s a wasted effort. “Everything alright?”

And he wants to be honest, wants to tell the truth. But the words get stuck in his throat, and though the first attempt was weak, Kongpob again aims for some semblance of normality when he replies, “Yeah. I’m fine.”

Again, Arthit doesn’t believe him, but it’s not like he pushes, and it’s not like Kongpob brings it up later.

❈ ❈ ❈

Prae runs up to Kongpob after his last class ends, hair wild, hands coming to grip his arm tightly. “We should,” she begins, chest heaving, a smile spreading across her lips, eyes bright, “go somewhere! Go to the mall, to the… the mall, you know, have some fun!”

“You want to see Waan again, don’t you?” Kongpob asks, catching on immediately, though Prae gives him a light smack on the chest, shaking her head.

“Is it not enough to spend time with a friend? It’s almost summer, anyway. Who knows what that’s going to be like?

Kongpob has his theories—fantasies, really, of him and Arthit, glowing in the sunlight, slick with sweat, twin grins. He wears one now, shaking his head as Prae grabs his wrist.

“So?” she asks.

Again, Kongpob shakes his head. “Let’s go to the mall.” Like he’d suggest anywhere else.

Waan isn’t there. In her place stands a college student looking worse for the wear, eyes tired, movements stuttered and shaky with the effects of too much caffeine. Prae tries to hide her disappointment, but it still radiates off her in waves. Kongpob doesn’t even attempt to lighten the atmosphere, instead sitting in silence with her at the table, though he does go to get their drinks when called, saving Prae from the second blow.

God. If only he had realized it wasn’t the final.

The final blow comes in the form of Waan sitting across from a girl in the food court, smile on her face. Kongpob sees their legs tangled together under the table. Prae lets out a noise, and then, Kongpob knows, if she were anyone else, she would have ran, but because she’s her, she keeps her chin high, even though Kongpob can see the tremor in her hands when he glances down.

When they leave the mall, she breaks down. 

“She said she was like us!” she cries. “I swear! She said her parents have been looking at the Naruphoom’s son and that she thinks they’re going to go through with it! I don’t know why she—why would she—how could she lie like that?”

Kongpob doesn’t want to say what he thinks. Because he thinks she didn’t lie. And he thinks that she told Prae because Prae would get it. Because Prae would understand. He doesn’t want to say this. Doesn’t want to tell her she missed an opportunity.

“Maybe,” is what he says instead. “Maybe this is just a first date. Just something to test the waters.” He squints against the bright sunlight. “Maybe it doesn’t mean anything.”

Prae’s voice shakes when she replies, but it doesn’t break. “Maybe,” she agrees. Maybe.