Work Text:
Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.
That, to put it nicely, is bullshit.
Shouto had never loved before, not this way. He loved his mother, sure, even when the circumstances of a sad life led her to do something neither of them would ever forgive themselves for. He loved his siblings, even the one that left and never really came back, leaving behind a million unanswered questions and a heavy feeling of loss. He loved all of his friends, the ones he had made after realising that a life lived alone was not one worth going through all this pain for.
But he had never loved like this until him. Until Izuku. Until he personally crashed through all of his walls, broke them down one by one and left nothing for Shouto to stand on but rubble. And then, as if that weren’t enough, Izuku picked every single broken brick and he built bridges upon bridges, leading Shouto through them, teaching him how to build them himself, strong, sturdy, cemented by friendships that would never fail him from then on.
Izuku was the only person Shouto ever loved, with his easy smiles, his bright eyes, his sweet gestures and his impulsive way of helping anyone and everyone that needed it. His selflessness and his selfishness too, his kindness and his anger, his drive and his defeat; Shouto loved it all. He loved him. And Izuku…
Izuku loved him back. At first as a friend, but then more. And with more Shouto learned that he would never love anyone like he loved Izuku. No matter what, no matter when. Shouto would love him and him alone and there was nothing that could change that.
He thought this was it for him, that this would be his life until the day he died, loving him and being loved by him. He was happy with that. He was overjoyed.
But then…
But then it wasn’t.
It would have hurt to see Izuku move on. It would have hurt to see him die before he did. But this was so much worse.
To go back. Back to before Izuku loved him. To have it all erased, as if it were nothing.
It was nothing.
It never happened. Not here.
Why does he remember?
Why does he have to remember?
Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?! Bullshit!
How could this be better?! How could seeing him fall in love with someone else, with anyone else, after knowing what it was to be the one he loved be better?
Time and time again, Shouto watches, from afar. And he hurts. He cries. He screams, he kicks, he begs the world to make him forget.
But he never does.
Each time he goes back, he watches and he hurts and he cries. And Izuku still loves him, but it’s not the same. Not when it’s not like that. Not when that is offered to someone else, different each time, or sometimes even the same, but never him. Never him.
And it hurts, and he cries.
Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
That may be true. But when Shouto has lost it to a time that never seemed to pass… It’s nothing but bullshit.