Chapter Text
'Okay, so! We’ve been together three months. Sexually, that is. You’re a very generous, tender lover. Afterwards you hold me in your arms and I have a little weep, and think of that fortuitous day wh-when you looked at me over your coffee and said, “mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell”.
'Could you please take this seriously?' Hermann gritted his teeth as he looked across the car at Newt. This journey had been one nightmare mile after another. Travelling with Newt was like the stereotypical child in the back driving you insane with are we there yet questions and never ending bathroom breaks. But on speed. Plus, with Newt you got the added joy of low-rent sarcasm and cigarette ash all over your new ergonomic seat cover.
‘I am! I’ve been cramming all night, dude, I got this whole spiel following on from the coffee about how I gazed over at you, chalk remnants glistening in your becoming undercut, and I knew then and there that there was no other man for me. I then swept my desk of kaiju guts and pulled those appealing tweed labels towards me and landed one on you,' Newt said, finger gunning with a grin. He looked around restlessly, and drummed his hands on his knees. 'Anyway. Are we there yet?'
'Lord in heaven, give me strength!’ Hermann muttered, cursing himself for creating this mess in the first place. Or -- more accurately -- cursing James Allan. James and his damn attempt at altruism.
James. James had been Berlin, had been before the war, before the breach, before the drift. James had been simple and world consuming all at once.
He bit his lip. Yes, consuming was the right word. James had been part of him so completely -- if he were an emotional man, he would wax lyrical about how they were drift compatible -- but he wasn’t, so he wouldn’t. Instead, he allowed himself a pang of grief at what he had lost: one could intellectualise it, but in the end -- being on someone’s mind, and being seen by that person -- if one could just bottle that feeling--
‘So, James--- James, James, James.’ Newton popped his inside cheek with his tongue . ‘ Jaaammes. Am I right?’
‘We went over this on the flight, Newton. You paused my damn movie. Repeatedly.’
‘It’s just, you ! You! Getting down and dirty with someone. Anyone! Don’t take offense, I mean, I knew you were into dudes because of the--- the---’
The drift . It hung in the air between them.
‘Quite.’
‘And I’m obviously, obviously down with that myself.’ Newt winked theatrically. ‘But it’s the thought of there being someone out there that actually makes your socks roll up and down is all. It’s like imagining your granny in suspenders. You don’t want to see it but then--- you find it oddly compelling.’
‘No. I cannot imagine why you thought I would take offense at that.’ Hermann rolled his eyes as he moved the car onto the interstate. ‘Yes, as unbelievable as it sounds, I have an ex. And yes, I have friends -- don’t you look at me like that. Yes, I have exes and friends that actually enjoy my company and wish to spend more time within it. For some unknown reason, they don’t see it as their life’s ambition to dance on my every available nerve.’
‘Yeah, but I’m the one that you want to drive James cray-cray with, so I’m counting this as a win.’
‘For the final time, Newton! I do not wish to make James cray-cray as you call it! I’ve merely invited you as my guest, and to avoid feeling the odd one out. It would only serve to make the group more uncomfortable.’
‘And, dude, as selfless as that is, how exactly did you end up telling James that you are boning your guest?’ Newt waggled his eyebrows. ‘Admit it, you needed a sweet bad boy on your arm to make this James sweat and faint. ‘Oh, take me back, Hermann, I now see your value as a sexual commodity, let’s head to the hot tub and bone--’’
‘Would you please stop saying bone?’ Hermann glanced over with a snort. ‘And your continued belief that you are a bad boy, just gets more distressing as you run hurtling towards forty.’
‘Not all of us came out of the womb with a mortgage and a packet of Werther’s Original, Hermann. Anyway, you must want to get under this guys skin real bad to board a non stop flight with yours truly.’
‘Nonsense. Those sixteen hours merely flew by,’ said Hermann. ‘Anyway, the Marshall practically stapled your passport to my head when he heard about the trip. I’m pretty certain i saw him skipping through the corridors afterward.
‘Hey, this place looks quite fancy.’ Newt said, ignoring him, focussing instead on flipping through the brochure. ‘Reckon it’s still as in one piece as these photographs? Or is just going to be a big snow crater in the shape of a kaiju footprint?’
‘James advises it was relatively unskathed during the attacks. He is, ah, that is to say his family have contributed greatly to keeping it, uh, maintained.’ Hermann coughed. ‘He assures me that’s perfectly serviceable.’
Newt lowly whistled. ‘Usually I would say eat the rich, but I’m benefitting with a free ski holiday, booze and food so I’ll let you do it.’ Newt grinned. ‘ You can eat James.’
Hermann sighed.
‘Do you get it? Eat him?’
‘Quite.’
‘I mean his penis.’
‘Yes, Newton! I managed to follow, high brow as it was.’
‘Plus, you are so going to owe to me big when this week is done. And James has cartoon hearts flying around his head whenever he glances at you. I’m thinking radio privileges for month.
‘I reiterate I am not trying to make him jealous. I’m just trying not to look-- to look---’
‘Single? Alone? Destined for ready meals and cats eventually eating your face?’
'Oh, for goodness sake! And it’s one week! One week of skiing! I haven’t invited you to an--- orgy for goodness sake!’ Hermann fought the rising blush to his face.
‘Well, he sounds just a dream-boat, inviting his friend who needs a cane to walk on a skiing holiday.’
Hermann bristled. ‘I’m sure he has considered that, there are plenty of other relaxing things to do. You’ve seen the brochure!’
‘Totally! Perhaps you can wait at the bottom of the slopes with some pom-poms and ra-ra skirt?’
‘Please, please can you just be on your best behaviour? It’s just the one week. When do I ever ask you for anything, Newton?'
‘Literally ten minutes ago! You asked me to crank open the window!’
‘That was because of you! ’
‘Well if you will feed me on gas station burritos.’ Newt sniffed. ‘I have a delicate system.’
What on Earth had he been thinking? How could this possibly work. But when James had extended the offer and had been so bright and enthusiastic, and so accommodating about Hermann bringing his partner with him -- Hermann could not face that voice turning to pity, to understanding, to knowing that of course Hermann was alone. How could he not be? How could anyone measure up to James? Hermann could not do it. ‘I have someone!’ he had said quickly. ‘I have a-- a - a Newton!’
When confronted with the dial tone, he felt lost and alone. And silly , so completely downright silly. Who out of romantic comedies starring Katherine Heigl actually made up a fake boyfriend to take away on vacation?
Mortified, he had headed to the lab, mind racing of what he could do to take it back. Perhaps Newton would let him mock up a fake death certificate, then again -- who asks grieving boyfriends to present death certificates? Perhaps it would be best to hack a news network and have snow declared toxic, mainly snow on hills? That should buy him some time.
‘What’s the problem, Hermann? You got a remainder left over?’ Newt had called over, hands deep in kaiju intestines. ‘Chalk nearing the nubb?’
‘What?’ Hermann had blinked, turning towards Newt. ‘No, it’s not that I---’ Oh, no, it was coming , he could hear his voice but his jaw refused to snap back shut. ‘You see, I have this ex--’
And out it had came. James. James who had been Berlin, who had been before the war, before the breach, before the drift. James who had been simple and world consuming all at once.
James who could have had anybody. James who had decided he didn’t want him.
‘Okay,’ Newt had said softly. ‘When do we go?’
And for the first moment since Hermann had replaced the receiver, he felt the rock in his stomach start to ebb away.
'Hit me with another,' Newt asked, breaking Hermann’s thoughts.
'Another?’
‘Test, dude. The GPS says we about forty-five minutes away. We need a last minute cram bang.’
‘What a lovely turn of phrase. Hmm. Yes, fine of course. What is my favourite film?'
‘Ah, easy. Shaving Ryan’s Privates .’
Hermann frowned. ‘I don’t believe I am familiar with that piece. Weirmar, is it?’
'Oh, my God, man, it was a--- Nevermind. It’s a lady with the bug eyes. Umm, Bette Davis?’ He clicked his fingers. ‘No! Got it, Now, Voyager. From 1803.'
'Good. Well, for you. What music do I enjoy?'
‘The ticking of a well tuned clock?’ Newt held up his hands. ‘Sorry, sorry. Debussy. Achingly pretentious by the way. Just throwing that out there.’
'Yes. I’m going to take musical tips from a man who would ‘get his rave on’ to a screwdriver in a washing machine.'
'Oh, I know you did not just come for the Pistols.’ Newton said, pulling his feet up onto the dash and ignoring Hermann’s answering sneer. ‘Okay, what about me then?'
'Hmm? What about you?'
'Well, don’t you need to know some of my favourite things?' Newt asked, raising his eyebrows in query.
'I suppose, if must.’' he sighed. 'Favourite movie?'
' Cloverfield ' Newt beamed with pride.
'Oh, Newton, no! That is not your favourite film?’
'I’m pretty sure it is?'
'Well, it isn’t now! Of all the distasteful things. Pick another!'
Newt hummed, tapping his chin. ‘Okay, okay -- what about Godz-- -’
'--no! Honestly, Newton!’
‘Oh, don’t worry! I don’t mean the 2014 one, obviously. Come see Bryan Cranston and Juliet Binoche! Nah, they’re totally dead and here’s Kickass for the rest of the movie.’
‘I surely can’t hear this bait and switch rant again, Newton, I surely can’t.’ Hermann shook his head. ‘No, your new favourite film is...is... The Italian Job . It’s just the right amount of trendy yet classic.' Hermann nodded, satisfied with the choice
‘A bit of Marky Mark? Nice, loving your work, Hermann.’'
'What? Gracious! If they discuss movies don’t join in. You’re a disaster.' He turned as Newt began shifting on his seat, sighing and tutting. 'What are you squirming at?'
'I’m being eaten alive by these clothes, Hermann.' He pulled on his collar and lolled his tongue out of his mouth to emphasise his point. ‘What do your friends have against movement of their joints?’
Hermann wondered if there was any way he could claim Newt was a deaf mute for the week. That was quite enigmatic and attractive right? Then again Newt could barely use the bathroom without running commentary. ‘And, what pray tell, is the issue with dressing professionally?’
'Oh, nothing, nothing but I can’t promise that if I catch sight of of myself in a reflective surface that I won’t kick my own ass.’ He smoothed his hands over his thighs and Hermann tried not to shudder at the already numerous creases and tiny salsa stains. He knew he should have spoon fed Newt at that service station. ‘Also, don’t think I didn’t notice how many shirt sleeves you shoved in that case. You tattoo-phobe.’
'It’s for one week, Newton. I didn’t set alight to your wardrobe.’ Hermann allowed himself the momentarily thrill of imagining the blaze.
‘You know we did save the world, Hermann, we could, I dunno, lead with that and the fact I’m dressed like Victorian headmaster laminated into his suit can just be an added thrill for them.’
‘That’s another thing, I do feel that it would be, ahh, perhaps more dignified to play down our role.’
‘Play down our --- Are you kidding me ?’
‘Well, it would hardy do to show boat, now would it? And I don’t wish to make anyone uncomfortable’ He could feel the heat of Newt’s aggrieved stare. ‘They are aware of our work with PPDC and that will be sufficient.There’s no need to go into details.’
‘Perhaps I can tell them I’m the guy who changes the printer toner? Would that offend their precious, iddle feelings?’
‘There’s no need to absurd! Oh, that does remind me. Please can you not insist on being referred to as Newt? It sounds awfully new age. Newton will be just fine. Preferably Doctor Geiszler, but I will allow you your idiosyncrasies.’
‘Be still my heart.’ Newt rolled his eyes and looked out the window, moodily.
'You have to understand that James and his set -- they are simply of a different class is all. I’m just ensuring that things go smoothly. You understand of course.’
‘Oh, sure,’ said Newt. ‘I know all about being top of the class, dontcha know.’ He snorted. ‘Seriously, what is about this guy.’ Newt scoffed. ‘Unless he is a calculator with legs, I can’t imagine you being this love sick over anybody.’
‘I am not love sick! That was a long time ago. A very long time ago!’ Hermann snapped. ‘It’s just James is intelligent, sophisticated--’'
'---can leap buildings in a single bound.’
'---he can speak German, French and Dutch. Oh! You now speak Spanish by the way.'
'What?’ Newt blinked. ‘What do you mean I speak Spanish ?'
'James can’t so it gives you an edge.'
‘My six doctorates don’t give me an edge? And the whole, again, shocked I need to remind you to be honest, but the whole saving the goddamn world thing?’ Newt looked across the seat towards him. 'Hermann! You hear how ridiculous you sound, right?'
He glanced at Newt, and opened his mouth to say something, but no words came. He felt the tremor -- right into the tips of his fingers -- and glanced quickly at Newt again to check that he had not marked the effect his mocking words had had on him. ‘Well, I--’ he began.
‘Honestly, you gotta--’
‘Can we drop it?’ said Hermann quickly. ‘I-- it’s hard sometimes, you know?’
‘I-I don’t know,’ said Newt. ‘Tell me, I don’t know.’
‘Forget it,’ he said queasily.
The lodge appeared over the hill as they pulled into the drive.
‘Hermann,’ whispered Newton, face strangely pale. ‘I don’t know if I can do this--’
‘Nonsense. It’s going to go swimmingly. Just be yourself!' Hermann chided as they pulled into the drive.
'Seems like that’s the last person you want me to be,' he said from the side of his mouth, climbing out the car and closing the door with a pronounced thud.
'Hermann!' They turned towards the newcomers voice.
James. Handsome, confident and striding towards him, a beam running across his face. Hermann’s heart skipped into a rapid beat, and he felt his mouth hasten into dryness. All these years and still a second under James’ consideration he was gone.
'That’s James? He looks like a Bond villain!’
'Will you shut up!' He hissed and then broke into a huge grin. 'James! How are you, old boy?’ He passed his cane to his other hand, and clapped James back as he neared them. ‘I’d like to introduce you to Doctor Newton Geizler, my--- ‘ Hermann swallowed heavily, ‘my boyfriend.'
‘Hey, man!’ Newton said with a beam, while taking James’ hand. ‘Call me Newt--’ He glanced over at Hermann. ‘--on. Call me Newton.’
It was going to be fine. Just fine.
It had to be.