Chapter Text
„You look tired.“ Mom puts the butter down on the table in front of him. „Did you stay up all night reading again?“
She sits down in front of him with a mug of tea cradled in one of her hands and her baby belly in the other.
It‘s already noon, and she‘s dressed for the day, but Andrew just woke up and still feels really groggy from sleeping in this late, so he just nods and sips the coffee she made him. He‘s allowed to drink coffee on sundays.
„What did you read?“, she asks casually.
„Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda.“
„Oh? What‘s it about?“
Andrew hesitates. „...it‘s… a high school story.“, he says non-committally. „They just made a movie about it.“
„Oh, cool! Did you enjoy it?“
„Yeah.“
„Nice.“
There‘s a brief silence in between them. The house is oddly quiet today because Dad and Aaron are out fishing.
„Do you wanna do anything nice today?“, Mom asks, but it feels more like an encouragement.
Andrew just shrugs. „...I think I just want to relax today.“
„Is your homework done?“
„Of course, Mom.“ Andrew gives her an eyeroll.
She gives him a smile across the table but it barely reaches her eyes. Something feels off. „...don‘t forget to walk the dog.“
„I won‘t.“ Another eyeroll; he can‘t help it.
„Sorry.“ She stands up, taking her mug with her. „I‘ll be in my office.“
Mom‘s writing one of her books right now, which takes up a lot of her time. Right now, Andrew is a little glad that she‘ll be in her room for most of the day.
-
„Andrew?“
When Andrew returns from his walk and the dog park, Mom sticks her head out from her office. „That was a long walk!“
„We went to the dog park.“, he explains, putting Monster‘s leash on the hook by the door. Monster herself gives Mom a brief wag of her tail and then trudges off into the living room for a well-deserved nap.
„That‘s nice, sweetie.“, Mom says with a smile. Right when Andrew is about to excuse himself to his room again, she follows up with „Listen, I googled that movie you told me about this morning. That Simon one. It‘s on amazon, and, uh, we could watch it together if you want to. Since Aaron and your Dad will be out all day, I thought. I‘ll make some popcorn. D‘you want to?“
It‘s clearly an offer of peace, or whatever. An offer of some sort. The stingy teenager in Andrew‘s head wants to tell her no and just go to bed, but… ugh. He feels guilty just looking at her hopeful smile.
„Yeah, sure… but… did you read what it‘s about?“, he asks tentatively. Just to make sure.
Mom‘s insecure smile turns into a genuinely happy one and Andrew knows he really did the right thing. „Yeah! It sounds really cute.“
„Cool.“ Andrew hesitates. „...I think I want to shower first, though.“
„Sure. Yeah! Of course!“ Mom‘s nod is only slightly exaggerated. „Hey, maybe we‘ll order some pizza! Do you want pizza? I think I‘m craving pizza!“
Andrew just nods, slighly bewildered, and then makes his way to the bathroom.
-
Mom does order pizza, and makes popcorn, AND even puts out a bottle of coke for Andrew. This is definitely some kind of ploy to get him to talk.
They cuddle up on the sofa, and Mom turns on the tv.
„Eww, Mom, really? Pineapple?“, Andrew asks when they open their pizza boxes.
Mom shrugs and laughs. „It‘s the baby. Your little sister wants weird foods.“
It‘s still a little strange to hear Mom and Dad refer to the baby as „your sister“. They haven‘t known it‘s going to be a girl for a long time yet, and Andrew still needs to get used to the thought of a baby sister.
Andrew decides a little baby can have pineapple on pizza if she wants to. She doesn’t know any better yet.
„Ready?“, Mom asks, and starts the movie.
It doesn’t take long for Andrew to realize that this choice of movie was a bad idea to watch with his mother.
First of all, the actor playing Simon is… really hot. Andrew tries to ignore it, but he can’t help it. He kind of reminds Andrew of a few older boys at school.
That’s not the worst thing though. No. The worst thing is the feeling Andrew gets when Simon repeatedly fails to say the g-word.
And when he comes out to Abby. And when Simon thinks about who might be Blue. And when he fantasizes about kissing that other guy under the mistletoe.
It’s not like he’s not enjoying the movie, but never has he been this tense while watching a movie he enjoys.
Mom doesn’t say anything the entire time, apart from a few chuckles and a few „awwww“s.
And then comes the scene, that one scene when everything becomes awful for Simon, and suddenly, Andrew’s throat is closing up as he watches Simon stare at his computer in disbelief.
He tries his hardest not to let it get to him, threads his fingers into Monster‘s fur (she sneakily cuddled up to him halfway through the movie) and bites his tongue.
When he sneaks a glance over to Mom, he can see that her brows are furrowed deeply, and she’s cradling her belly with one hand, chewing on the nails of her other one.
And then there’s that scene with Simon and his mom.
It’s just a movie, shit, but it feels… it feels like he knows exactly what Simon feels like right now, like they’re in the same boat. That fear, that dread, that helplessness.
Andrew can’t help it anymore.
He starts crying.
Andrew never cries. Never. The last time he cried was probably like, a year ago. But right now, it feels like everything is coming out: fear, dread, insecurity, helplessness. Big, hot tears running down his cheeks and catching on his lips and chin.
He tries to hide it, but he has to wipe at his cheeks, and from the corner of his eyes he sees Mom look over to him, and she does a double take, but then she’s already pausing the movie and sitting up on the sofa, and then she’s next to him and her arm is around him, pulling him in, and she doesn’t even ask what’s wrong, just hugs him into her side, letting him cry.
And he’d never admit it, but it feels good, to be hugged by Mom like this, and to just… let it all out. She’s got her arm wrapped around him tightly and her hand in his hair and her nails are gently scratching at his scalp.
“Shh… sweetie…”, is the first thing she says after a while, pressing a kiss to the crown of his head. “Let it out.”
And Andrew does.
Because it’s been stuck inside him for what suddenly feels like ages. He doesn’t even know when it started, this… feeling-different. The hiding.
“I love you so much, Andrew.” Mom’s voice is soft and soothing, and it helps Andrew’s breath to slow down a little, even though the sobs are still deep enough to hurt his chest.
“It’s okay, baby. It’s fine.” Her voice is so steady and gentle, but when Andrew looks up, there’s a tear on her cheek as well.
“You’re perfect the way you are, you know. We love you so much.”
“I know.” He manages to press that out between sobs, because he does know. “ ‘s hard.”
“Of course it is. Of course.”
Andrew tries to take deep breaths to calm down, and somewhat succeeds. Mom keeps holding him, way longer than she’s probably held him in ages, but it’s okay.
“Do you want to stop watching the movie?”, she asks after a while.
Andrew shakes his head. He knows how things end, after all.
So Mom presses play, and they continue watching, Andrew’s head on Mom’s shoulder and her arm around him, gently stroking his hair.
-
There is one more conversation Andrew fears. Most of all.
Everyone else doesn’t matter. But there is one person who matters so much.
Neil skips down the stairs on monday morning, curls bobbing over his forehead, braces shimmering in the morning sun as he smiles at Andrew. “Ready?”
“Hmm.”, Andrew hums. He knows this is going to be a really hard day, because he’s really nervous. He’s just glad that a lot of people from Kevin’s party don’t go to their school.
On their way to the bus, Aaron and Neil are talking about their Exy game next weekend, so Andrew can kind of tune out and walk behind them. In his head, he tries to formulate a sentence- has been, all morning.
But how to tell your best friend that you want to talk to him without making it sound super serious? Or suspicious?
Andrew thinks about it all the way to school on the bus, but luckily, Neil and his brother are both used to him not talking a whole lot, so his silence is hopefully not too weird.
By the time they’ve reached the school, Andrew still hasn’t come up with anything.
Him and Neil are in separate classes this morning, and so, pretty much as soon as they reach school, Neil says good-bye- and Andrew can feel himself starting to panic. What for, he’s not sure- he’s definitely going to see Neil during lunch and other classes later, but somehow, it feels like he has to tell him NOW-
but Neil is already walking away from them-
“Hey, Neil!”
Neil half turns, looking back at him with the trace of a smile on his lips still, and Andrew’s heart goes ba-dunk again.
Next to him, Aaron clicks his tongue, quiet but sharp.
“...can you meet me at the treehouse after school today?” It sounds dumb, and lame, and it’s a weird thing to ask Neil now, but at least he did.
Neil furrows his brows a little, but then nods. “Sure. See you at lunch!”
As he walks off, Aaron lets out a very ironic “Smooth.” under his breath.
Andrew whips around and gives him his best death glare. “I’ll beat you up.”
Aaron just lets out an unimpressed noise. “You can do that later, we’ve got class now.”
-
Andrew’s heart hammers all the way into his throat when he sees Neil’s curls sticking over the edge of the tree house platform.
“Hi.”, Neil says, pulling himself all the way up there and sitting on the edge next to Andrew.
“...hi.”, Andrew manages.
“Are you feeling better?”, Neil asks, making Andrew blush.
Andrew kinda shrugs, kinda inclines his head. “Yah.”
“Good.”, Neil says with a bit of a smile. “D’you wanna play Exy in the garden? We can use the garage door as goal-”
“I wanna talk to you first.”, Andrew says quickly before his courage leaves him, because it feels like it it’s about to any minute now.
Neil’s eyebrows shoot up, but he stays in place, face turned expectantly at Andrew.
Andrew takes a deep breath and then really quickly says: “I don’t think I like girls.” and it’s like ripping off a band-aid really fast.
Neil blinks at him, once, and that second is enough for Andrew to feel like he’s gonna fall off the platform.
And then he scrunches his nose like he sometimes does, and shrugs. “Boys then?”
“Yeah.”, Andrew answers. He clamps his hands around the edge of the platform to keep them from shaking, and he still can’t look at Neil- but he did it.
“Cool.”, is all that Neil says. They sit in silence for a long moment until Neil asks, “So does that mean you’re gonna get a boyfriend now?”
The question catches Andrew so off-guard that he has to laugh. “I don’t know. Maybe. Like, when I’m older, though.”
Neil hums thoughtfully. “...it needs to be somebody who plays Exy.”
Andrew eyes him suspiciously. “I’m not gonna get a boyfr-”
“Like Jeremy!”, Neil squeals in a teasing tone, immediately jumping up and scrambling down the treehouse ladder before Andrew can make a move. Andrew is close behind him, face beet red, heart hammering in his chest, and his lips stretched into the broadest smile.