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“Felix! Felix, help me! Please!” Jack was yelling in the distance, but Felix couldn’t see him. He couldn’t see anything. It was dark and cold and his boyfriend’s voice was echoing.
“Felix, help me!”
“Jack, where are you? I can’t find you!”
The Swede ran as fast as he could, trying to follow the sound of Jack’s voice. He felt helpless, desperate and completely lost.
“Jack, I can’t see you!”
“Felix!”
There was a loud and painful scream after that. Felix fell into his knees.
And there was just silence.
Felix woke up panting and sweating. He couldn’t remember the last time he had such a terrible nightmare; he could swear his heart was missing a piece after going through that terror.
He grabbed his phone, it was 7AM and way too early for him to be awake on a Sunday, but how could he possibly sleep again? The scream was still echoing in his head and he doubted he would forget it anytime soon.
After going to the bathroom and calming down, he decided to call his boyfriend. Damn it if it was too early, he needed to make sure that was not real.
But he didn’t pick up.
“Fucking lazy bastard” he murmured to himself. It really was too early.
But soon it was not that early anymore and after many attempts Felix called him again at midday. There was still no answer. Seán loved sleeping on weekends, but even when he slept at 5AM the night before, Felix had never seen him sleeping till this time. Something was wrong and he wouldn’t let his mind torture him any longer.
The blonde took his cars keys and headed to his boyfriend’s house.
He rang the doorbell; no one answered.
“Fuck Jack, why do you have to scare me like that?” he kept murmuring, his hands shaking of anxiety.
Felix took his keys off his car and opened the door. The lights were off, but everything looked normal. It was like he had just gone for a walk, but why wouldn’t he pick up his phone? The Swede called again and could hear his boyfriend’s phone vibrating on the table.
“Oh great, he just forgot his phone like always” Felix sighed in relief.
Getting close to the phone, he noticed a piece of paper below it. It was Seán’s handwriting.
“Dear Felix,
I’m so sorry for this. I wish it could have been differently. I love you more than any person can love other in this world, but it’s time for me to go.
I want you to keep a good memory of me, I want you to remember me like I’ve always been when I was with you: happy and hopeful.
This person that’s writing this letter is not your boyfriend, Fe. This person is sick and weak and he wouldn’t have much time left in this world anyways.
I’m sorry to tell you that your boyfriend died.
And now I’ve got to die as well.
I hope you can be happy without me. You deserve someone that loves every piece of this amazing person you are, just like I do. And always will.
Don’t worry, my love. I will walk by your side every step of the way.
Forever yours, Seán.”
No.
That could not be true.
That was a sick joke, nothing more.
It was all just another bad dream.
The hours passed and it was already getting dark outside. Felix was sitting on the couch of Jack’s house, reading the note over and over again.
He couldn’t cry. He couldn’t scream. He couldn’t move.
That could not be happening and if he waited long enough he was going to wake up from that terrible nightmare.
“This is not happening” he was finally able to whisper. “It’s not happening…”
Suddenly, the Swede felt a cold wind passing through him in the closed room. He looked around, his surroundings were dark. He felt the wind one more time, but this time he felt something else.
“This perfume…”
He could recognize it anywhere. It was not just the perfume, it was a unique smell of perfume and shampoo. A smell anyone else in the world had.
Anyone except from…
“Jack?”
“Felix”
Felix jumped out of the sofa and looked in the direction of the voice, but – unlike the nightmare – he could see his boyfriend this time. It didn’t quite looked like him, though. He was blurry and he was wearing a light color shirt and pants, which was not what he used to wear at all.
He blinked for good 5 seconds before believing his eyes. “W- What…”
“Don’t freak out, Fe. It’s okay. I came to say goodbye.”
Felix started to cry; all tears that couldn’t leave his eyes before were running down his face now. Sobbing he asked, “what is this? What is happening?”
Jack got closer to him, walking but not making a single noise. He smiled softly.
“I told ye. I came to say goodbye.”
Felix kept sobbing, his eyes had to be tricking him.
“I know you must have hundreds of questions now, but I have not much time to explain. I was sick, Felix. I discovered a severe leukemia two weeks ago I didn’t have much time left. I chose not to make any treatments since they would only delay the inevitable. I wanted everyone to remember me as I were. Happy and cheerful. That’s the memory I want to leave behind.”
“Why Seán? Why didn’t you tell me? I could have helped, I could have… We could have gone through it all. You couldn’t have done that, you couldn’t have left me like this…”
The sobbing was getting louder and everything hurt so much. The air was cold and he could feel his scent. He was still feeling… him.
“Seán, please. Please, come back”
Jack giggled softly, getting closer to his boyfriend. “That’s not how it works, darling”.
His voice was soft, calming. At peace.
“Remember what I wrote? I’m going to be with you. No matter how long it’s been or what decisions ye take, I’m going to be by your side. I’m going to love ye even when you don’t love me anymore.”
Felix looked up at the distorted and blurry image of the man he loved. His expression was happy. He looked happy.
He forced a smile. “That’s never going to happen”.
Jack smiled widely and Felix could swear the whole world lit up on that moment.
The air started to get thin and even more cold. Both of their eyes were fixed on each other.
“Goodbye, Fe” was his final whisper.
Felix closed his eyes for a second and felt a gentle feeling running around his face. That was his last kiss, from the one and only man he had ever loved.
He opened his eyes.
And there was just silence.