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The sky was dark and the moon was bright, illuminating the sky like a lamp. Billions upon billions of stars dangled along side the moon, sparkling and twinkling with purpose. The night air was cool and dry, and a soft breeze blew it throughout the grassy hills and the mellow ponds and streams of the Land of Departure. The large stone castle resting at the top of the world stared down on the world it rested upon, all of its inhabitants peaceful and quiet. All, save for one.
Terra’s body was covered in sweat from head to toe, his bangs slicked to his forehead and temple as veins began to pop through his tanned skin in stress. His fists clenched and unclenched, yet his eyes remained closed. His mind was in a delirious state, running rapid with nightmares of horrific proportion that swelled in his brain and were driving him to madness. The darkness that concealed his eyes every time his eyelids fell terrified him enough, so sleep was a paradise oh so far away.
Each night was seemed like eternal torture. Each night, the nightmares would return full-force, and Terra would force himself into isolation, to avoid placing his burden of traumas onto anyone else. Terra’s head would bombard him with pessimistic thoughts, thoughts of possession, thoughts of defeat and loneliness, thoughts of losing the Master, thoughts of losing Ven, thoughts of losing Aqua-
A sharp inhale suddenly sprang from Terra’s throat as his eyes shot open. His back snapped forward, bringing his torso up so fast that he felt dizzy. Terra’s eyes rapidly darted around his bedroom, desperately searching for something real to drag him out of his hazy terror.
All the shadows being projected by the moon’s beacon from his window did nothing to help him with coping with his night terrors. A drawer now appeared as a person, hunched over and staring at Terra with malicious eyes. A piece of clothing on the ground was now a spare Heartless, inching towards him and begging him to join the darkness once again. The coat hanger in the far corner of the room now had bright yellow eyes, and looked an awful lot like someone Terra knew all too well…
Terra was able to calm himself down from these fits in the past. He would turn the lights on, make sure there was nothing on the floor and inspect every object in his room, making sure he knew exactly what was where so he wouldn’t hallucinate them to be other… beings. Then after all that ritual had been completed, Terra would sit back up on his bed, his back fixed straight up against the wall, and just breathe. He would try not to blink if he could, but he could only keep up with that for so long. And after an hour, sometimes several hours later, Terra would finally feel the now alien feeling pull at his eyelids as his body and mind succumbed to the fatigue, collapsing on his bed in a heap.
Although this sleep was still never peaceful. It always felt forced, like at any moment he would wake up again and be right back at square one. Terra remembered when he was younger, he always wished he would dream more often, as he would always hear Aqua and Ven talk about their elaborate dreams of fantasy. Now he prayed for one night of dreamless sleep, where he could rest peacefully without his past mistakes revisiting him in painful detail.
This night, however, was different from the others. Terra had gotten up to shakily turn the lights on, he had examined all of his surroundings, poking and prodding them to make sure they actually were what they appeared to be, and had breathed as evenly as he could muster. And yet, he could still feel the tremors in his body, his hands trembling from the aftermath of his restless sleep. He could still feel the pain lingering in the back of his skull, the dull throb of gut-wrenching memories still unpleasantly beating his brain incessantly. His eyes, no matter how hard he tried to convince them they were enervated, that they should close and let his mind be at peace for at least one night, refused to droop even a centimeter.
Terra realized that two hours had passed since he started his bedtime ritual, and noticed no significant changes at all. His head ached, his body, though clearly drained of all energy, still shook with the aftermath of his nightmares, and his mind refused to shut off.
Terra could feel it within him. He felt the desire to seek comfort, for a warm body and a soft voice to tell him everything was fine, he wasn’t down there anymore. His heart spasmed as he wondered how it would feel to tell someone of his nightly troubles, causing his clammy hand to rest unsteadily over his heart.
I can’t put this pain onto anyone else… this is my burden to bear… Terra thought, mentally waving those hopes away, but to no avail. As the minutes ticked by and sleep refused to pull his being away from reality, the idea of opening up became so, so inviting.
Ever since Xehanort had at last been defeated, the Organization destroyed, and the Keyblade War stopped, Terra had been distant. He knew this, too. Aqua had unlocked Castle Oblivion and it transformed back into the serene Land of Departure that he had known all his life in hopes of rekindling her’s, Terra’s, and Ven’s friendship back from all the trauma it had experienced. Yet, this proved to be more than difficult due to the group’s shared tragedies, making Aqua more anxious and protective, Ven more tense and hardened, and Terra distant and almost void of emotion.
If he were to tell the truth, it hurt Terra deep whenever Aqua tried to talk to him. With Ven, it was different; Ven, although clearly more mature and maybe a bit more apprehensive, Terra felt as if he could be relatively normal with him still, but with Aqua, he felt nothing but guilt. She would approach him with kind words and sarcastic jokes like she always did, but he felt forced to brush her off and avoid her. If he didn’t, Terra would sense the miserable emotions swell within him until it was too grueling to even look into her ocean eyes any longer.
Terra wished he could offer her the comfort she always had given to him throughout the lifetime that they’d known each other, but he couldn’t help but feel undeserving and too monstrous for a being as untainted as her.
As Terra spent more and more of the night thinking about Aqua, he felt his heart grow lighter and lighter, and the teasing temptation of drowsiness tickle the very outer corners of his exhausted mind. Terra relished in the feeling, the blissful sensation of even having the tiniest presence of sleep being enough to soothe his mood.
I forgot she had this effect on me… Terra thought, chuckling quietly as his eyes glanced towards his wooden door leading to the hallway. Down the hall, first door on the right. That’s all it would take to get to her.
But I can’t bother her, especially not at this hour… Terra felt the guilt of being a burden weigh his mind down into denial, his eyes drifting back towards his own bed; the second he did this, he regretted it, however. All the thoughts of a purgatory disguised as “sleep” rushed into his head, like a snap. Thoughts of sweaty foreheads and uncontrollable spasms. Of night terrors etched so far into his subconscious that he sees them as reality. Trauma so imbedded that it found its way to endlessly torture him. Trauma so vile that no human being should have to be reminded of it. Trauma that needed to be shared.
In a split-second decision against his better judgement, Terra practically leaped from his sheet covered bed and swung open the wooden door leading to the hallway. He didn’t even bother to grab a shirt as he marched down the hallway, only in grey pajama pants similar to his familiar hakama pair, to the first door on the right. He brought his fist up, ignoring the creeping shadows of the dim and ill-lighted hallway and the voice in his head telling him he’s a nuisance, to turn around now, and knocked firmly three times.
Terra endured several awful seconds of tense and nervous moments of questioning his motives for doing this at all as he waited for an answer before he was able to make out shuffling from the other side of the door, and footsteps moving closer to him. Terra’s throat closed, sweat collecting at his temples and palms as his head berated him, telling him he was an idiot to bother her and should’ve never have thought to open up to someone like this.
Just as Terra felt those macabre thoughts were going to get the best of him, the pale wooden door swept open and in one perfect motion, Aqua was revealed to him in all of her nightly glory. She wore a large white t-shirt with her usual black shorts underneath and her cerulean orbs were graced by substantial bags beneath them, not lost on Terra. Her skin was as muted and pale as her bedroom door, her milky tone reminding Terra of the moon’s subtle glow. Aqua’s spiked blue hair was slightly untamed and her bangs fell all over her face, but Terra could still see her thin blue brows burrowing together in disbelief.
“Terra?” Aqua questioned, the tone of her voice was filled with solace and searching for answers to silent questions, the melodious sound already bringing comfort to Terra’s troubled conscience.
“Hey,” Terra nearly whispered. Unbeknownst to him, his eyes were clearly bloodshot and his breaths were slow and heavy, indicating his fatigue loud and clear.
“What’s wrong?” Aqua’s maternal nature immediately shone through as she took a step closer to her distant friend, Terra tensing at the gesture.
“Couldn’t sleep,” Terra mumbled after a brief moment of silence, his gaze stuck to the floor beneath him.
Aqua paused, expecting him to explain his sudden appearance at her door in the middle of the night a bit further, but when it became apparent that he had no intent of doing so, Aqua stepped back and pushed her door open.
“Come in,” Aqua spoke faintly as she walked back inside her room, indicating she wished for Terra to follow her. As he watched his blue-haired friend waltz back towards her similarly blue bed, he struggled to ignore the shouts in his mind, screeching that he was an ignorant fool who could never be rid of his crimes, and tainting his friend with his thoughts would only lead to more heartbreak.
Aqua maneuvered herself on her bed, sitting up against the pillow and frame as to allow Terra to settle himself opposite of her. He rambled cautiously towards her, but was hesitant to sit next to her, especially that close. Terra snapped his stare from the bed back up to Aqua to find her gazing back at him ambitiously.
As if Terra needed even further notion, Aqua reached her torso over to pat the spot in front of her, a small smile gracing her face. Terra could even feel the ghost of a grin wash over his visage as he finally relented and plopped himself down in front of the ocean - colored girl.
“Couldn’t sleep, huh?” Aqua reiterated, starting their conversation off simply.
Terra responded with a blunt shake of his head, his look fixed to anything other than Aqua’s gentle voice and delicate orbs, calling to him through the space between them.
“Me neither,” Aqua glanced towards the little white alarm clock resting on her bedside table which shone “3:08” in bright red numbers.
A period of silence passed as the two adults sat in a peaceful silence. Terra was deep in thought, surprised by the unsuspected twist that he wasn’t the only one that couldn’t sleep.
“Does…” Terra’s voice cracked as he began to start speaking, but he trailed off as Aqua turned towards him again.
“Hm?”
“Does this happen to you… a lot?” Terra finished, their azure orbs meeting for the first time in a while.
“Not being able to sleep?”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah, sometimes. But some nights are worse than others,” Aqua wrapped her cream-colored arms elegantly around the closest pillow to her, pulling it intimately to her bosom.
“How are some nights worse?” Terra was more than intrigued now, leaning curiously forward with his head laid against his fist with his elbow resting on his knee.
“Well…” Aqua’s face began to tint with a light crimson, her lips quivering as she bit down on them gently.
“Sometimes, I sleep just fine and nothing goes wrong. But, the other times… I get nightmares,” Aqua admitted sheepishly, hiding her face behind her pillow.
A grim giggle suddenly emitted from within Aqua’s chest.
“I know that sounds childish-”
“No, it doesn’t” Terra cut in, not at all concerned about interrupting his friend.
Aqua brought her face up from the pillow in her arms to give Terra a quizzical look.
“You don’t think so?” Aqua’s eyebrows were scrunched again in an adorable look of confusion.
“No. Not after all you’ve been through,” Terra’s voice spoke with confidence, a tone he hadn’t heard from himself in a while.
As soon as that phrase left the chasm of his mouth and drifted off of his lips, he felt a jabbing voice in the back of his mind speak to him. You can this to her, but can’t say the same to yourself?
Terra detected another wave of silence come over the two, so he decided to break it and probe further.
“What are your nightmares about?”
Aqua’s head snapped upwards from its still position on the pillow in her lap to stare into Terra’s eyes, clearly searching for something. Assurance, maybe? A sign that she can tell him things so personal without being mocked? No matter what it was, Terra stared back unflinchingly, trying to offer her whatever it was she was searching for within him.
“U-um…” Aqua cleared her throat briefly and took a deep breath before continuing.
“...I have nightmares about the Master…” Aqua launched straight into the worst of the worst, her most feared night terrors, and it was not lost on Terra how hard it was for her to be telling him this, as it appeared her lip was shuddering more noticeably now.
“I… I have nightmares about losing Ven…” Aqua continued, as her unsteady gaze slowly rose to eye Terra’s calm face.
“And… I have nightmares about losing you, too.”
The difficulty Aqua had getting that sentence out paired with its actual content made Terra’s overwhelmed heart skip a beat. The melancholy expression she was wearing made him feel all the more depressed.
“Sometimes, I even dream… that I-I’m back there…” Aqua could barely form the last words coherently, her hands and lips trembling intensely.
Without a second thought, Terra lifted his head off of his hand and reached forward with it, grabbing Aqua’s jittery one and holding it carefully and securely. Aqua gasped and tensed at the unexpected motion. How long had it been since he had even looked her in the eyes? That night had been the first time in almost 13 years. Why, all of a sudden, did he come to her, completely vulnerable and curious? Entirely unguarded and powerless? Not even Terra could fully explain to himself why he was doing this. It just felt right.
Aqua began searching again within the depths of Terra’s concealing azure orbs, her hands gradually returning the squeezing gesture, their fingers thoughtfully intertwining.
“I… also, have had dreams like that,” Terra’s low voice rumbled, the vibrations transferring from his body through Aqua’s hand and arm into hers, causing her to shiver minorly.
“Where I feel like nothing’s changed, and I’m back with him again…” Terra couldn’t help the deep-seeded rage seep out through his voice when mentioning Xehanort, the very same person who caused everyone so much pain and misery.
Aqua hummed in reply, her hand gently squeezing Terra’s before speaking.
“You’re not with him anymore, though. You’re here, with me and Ven and the others are nearby.”
Ah, yes. Sora, Riku, Kairi, Lea. They promised they would visit after all the monstrosity was over and peace had been preserved for the worlds.
“I know, but… sometimes they just, feel so real,” Terra sighed.
Aqua simpered, her being exuding an air of sympathy as she gazed down at her and Terra’s interlocked hands.
“This is so weird… it feels almost like we’ve been having the same dreams.”
At that note, Terra and Aqua locked eyes again, wide stares meeting head on. They both snickered, a light aura enveloping the room as Terra could physically feel himself relax.
“Hey,” Aqua murmured.
“Hm?”
“Why did you decide to come to me tonight?”
Aqua’s abrupt question took Terra by complete surprise. He was unprepared to answer what was, according to him, such a complex question.
“I told you, I couldn’t sleep.” Terra answered after a few moments, his form back to its earlier rigid state.
“I don’t mean that. I mean, why this night in particular? I mean… you really haven’t talked to me since we’ve been back, and I’ve been really worried about you. Did I do something wrong?” Aqua elaborated on her first question, Terra stunned by the pure, raw emotion Aqua was displaying to him.
That was one thing he never understood about her. No matter how hard she tried to conceal her true feelings, she always wore her heart on her sleeve. Terra had mastered the ability of hiding his emotions, sometimes to the point where he didn’t even know how he was feeling. Aqua, though, was the complete opposite. She could never ignore conflict for too long before confronting it with a clear wish to end it. With this experienced knowledge of her mannerisms, Terra shouldn’t have been surprised that Aqua was so affected and upfront about his recent behaviour; yet, Terra still felt his heart convulse and jump when Aqua asked if she did something wrong, if she was the problem.
“...No, you haven’t done anything,” Terra tried to retract his hand from Aqua’s in the least offensive way possible, but Aqua was intent on keeping it there, her fingers digging into his knuckles.
“What is it, then? Why have you been ignoring me?” She was doing it again. Aqua’s eyes were probing straight through his, desperate to extract some justification from him.
Terra opened his mouth to reply, but nothing came out. He found himself lost for words again, the embarrassment of being too proud for help overtaking him, or maybe it was the guilt that he had caused her pain by refusing to open up to her.
Does she really care about me that much? Why? I was the reason this all started, I was the reason she was trapped in the Realm of Darkness for all those years, I-
“You can tell me anything, Terra,” Aqua’s musical voice broke through Terra’s malicious, blaming conscience as she placed a tentative hand flat against Terra’s firm cheek, her thumb brushing gently against cheekbone, her touch as light as a feather’s.
Something about her silken hand rubbing his cheek with mindfulness, her creamy voice that whispered harmoniously right to him, and her cerulean gaze filled with security and sympathy gave Terra the confidence to mute that voice in his head, the mean-spirited ramblings growing more and more quiet as Terra finally felt ready to let his true feelings unfold.
“I… feel like a failure,” Just that sentence was unbearably hard for Terra to get out without shutting down, his fist clenching Aqua’s just a little too tight.
Aqua knew of his struggles, though, and kept her look fixed on him, calm and gentle and listening, which gave Terra the assurance to continue.
“I feel like if it weren’t for me freaking out after the Mark of Mastery Exam, and at Radiant Garden, and for being so naïve as to lead all of us right into Xehanort’s plan, then… none of this would’ve happened,” Terra felt tears of built-up anguish threaten to fall from his eyes, the demeaning voice in his head escaping into his words as he unabashedly blamed himself.
He gasped, however, when he felt Aqua’s slim finger run under his eye, taking with it the aspiring tears. She proceeded to do the same with the other eye, tenderly running a pale digit under his waterline and dragging out the unwanted moisture with it.
“Terra,” Aqua’s voice was stern yet compassionate, and Terra knew some sort of lecture was coming.
“I just can’t find the right words to tell you how untrue that it,” Terra chuckled at that statement, Aqua’s usual flare shining through.
“Terra, nothing that happened to us was remotely your fault. It was Xehanort’s fault for not only manipulating you, but manipulating all of us. He was wholeheartedly at fault for everything bad that’s happened to us,” Hearing those words leave Aqua’s mouth with such conviction had Terra’s heart doing leaps in his chest, and for once, he began to believe what she was saying.
“And besides, you seem to be forgetting all you’ve done for us.”
Terra cocked his eyebrow at this statement.
“Like what?”
“Like what? Do you not remember?” Aqua snorted at Terra’s question before continuing.
“Me and Ven wouldn’t have even been alive if you weren’t there the first time we fought Xehanort,” Aqua didn’t even bother to hide the grim truth surrounding that realization.
“We wouldn’t have been able to prevent the Keyblade War if you hadn’t been there,” Terra’s head hung low as he comprehended Aqua’s words.
“... I don’t know how long I would’ve lasted in the darkness if it weren’t for you,” Aqua finally released Terra’s hand, her eyes shyly avoiding his.
“What do you mean?” Terra was eager to understand the meaning behind that utterance, his hand already numbing and growing cold.
“... When I was trapped in the darkness, you would talk to me sometimes. It made me feel hopeful for once,” Aqua looked back up at Terra, fondness etched into her perfect features.
“You saved me a couple of times, too. It was really amazing,” Aqua beamed, her being radiating kindness and warmth.
“I… don’t remember that,” Terra felt flabbergasted, so entranced by not only Aqua’s proclamations, but also just her. The subtle light from her bedside lamp really exemplified the charm of her lovely face and alluring body. Had she always looked like this?
“I didn’t really expect you to. But that doesn’t matter,” Aqua shrugged, checking her little alarm clock again, except now it displayed “4:16” in bright red numbers.
“It’s getting pretty late. Or, er, early,” Aqua mumbled.
“Do you want me to leave?” Terra instantly could feel the spindly hands of the darkness in the shadows creep towards him again at the idea of leaving, his heart so unnaturally full of warmth and reassurance. He could sense his inner demons resurfacing, and the trembling sensation returning to his hands. Although he hid it well, he achingly yearned for Aqua to want him to stay as much as he didn’t want to leave, his eyes silently pleading with hers.
“No,” Aqua responded, unknowingly releasing a huge weight from Terra’s shoulders. Her cheeks tinted a light crimson, however, as she added on to her response.
“I-I mean, only if it’s not a hassle. I enjoy your company, but I don’t want to annoy you.” Aqua’s body retracted, her arms encircling her rosy knees as she hugged them to her bosom.
“You don’t annoy me,” Terra replied, a slight smile adorning his rough features, causing Aqua to return the gesture with an adorable grin of her own.
“Good,” She chirped, her head resting happily on her knees and she continued beaming at him.
A period on comfortable silence arose around them and let the air between the two friends grow more relaxed and easeful.
Terra couldn’t help himself from watching Aqua, her eyes now closed, her head still resting on her knees, as her back moved sluggishly up and down with each inhale and exhale. Terra scanned her visage, her blue brows crinkled together the same way it did when they were kids, her lengthy dark eyelashes fluttering across her blooming cheeks like a butterfly’s wing, her lips stuck in a pretty pink pout. Her bangs were still scattered over her forehead, but they didn’t seem so messy anymore. Terra smiled to himself as he imagined her blowing those bangs frustratedly out of her eyes during training.
As the time slowly ticked onwards, Terra felt the foreign pull of sleep trickle over his head and body, a feeling that surprised him.
Was this all I needed to do? Come talk to you? Terra pondered as he took a lasting look at Aqua’s resting form before scooting over on the cyan bed next to her.
She really does know me better than I know myself… Terra laid his body back flat against the bed, Aqua’s clean and flowery scent enveloping him through her sheets. He brought his arms back to rest his head on, sighing peacefully as he allowed his weary eyelids to droop and his mind drift into a (much-needed) dreamless sleep.
Thank you, Aqua.
Right as Terra fell into an undisturbed and tranquil slumber, he swore he could feel fingers grazing his forehead, his bangs being pushed delicately behind his ear and linger at his temple as a familiar, feminine voice affectionately whispered:
“Good night, Terra.”