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Jimin's Heartbreak™ happens on a Friday night, in Jungkook’s room. They’re sitting comfortably, thighs touching, wrapped up in a fluffy red blanket while watching a movie on Jungkook’s bed. The movie is okay, nothing Oscar worthy, but Jimin stopped paying attention a half hour ago, when Jungkook had started to trace something indecipherable onto his arm. At first, a shiver had erupted down his spine, but now, with the ceaseless soft caressing, he’s cooking from the inside out. He doesn’t have to look into a mirror to know his face is red. He knows it isn’t noticeable to Jungkook, not with the only source of light being Jungkook’s laptop screen. His heart, on the other hand, which is racing fast, which it usually does around Jungkook, might be noticeable. Today’s speed has certainly a record high. At this rate, it might beat right out of his chest.
Jimin can’t be sure what’s happening the movie anymore. Sure, the plot was easy enough to follow in the beginning, and the lead is certainly eye-catching, but does any of that matter when he’s sitting next to the love of his life? Jimin cringes internally. He knows, at his young age of seventeen, he shouldn’t call someone, even if that someone is Jungkook, the love of his life. That’s intense, way too intense for any teenager, even a mature one such as Jimin. But it doesn’t change how he feels. If a great love of his life exists, it’s sure to be Jungkook.
Looking down to where Jungkook is stroking his arm, Jimin truly feels he might combust at any moment. And that would be very bad. Because, tonight, Jimin has already decided, is the night of The Confession™.
It’s been a few weeks since New Year’s, and like most people, Jimin has a resolution. But, unlike most people, he’s actually going to follow through on his. And because he, and Jungkook, as well, are graduating from high school in roughly five months, the sooner he completes the resolution, the better. He wants Jungkook to officially be his boyfriend for Valentine’s Day, for spring vacation, for prom, for graduation. He’s already liked the kid for two long, painful years, and he thinks, hopefully, that Jungkook finally has feelings for him, too. Simply getting this far, thigh to thigh on Jungkook’s bed, was a lengthy process, much like climbing a very steep, rocky mountain.
And even if those feelings aren’t as strong as Jimin’s, that’s okay. Because Jimin crushed on Jungkook from afar for a year and half before Jungkook even knew he existed. He’ll give Jungkook time to catch up. It’s the least he can do.
So, sure, Jungkook might not be in love with Jimin. Yet. But it doesn’t matter. Jimin will try and make do with whatever Jungkook gives him.
“Jimin?”
Jimin startles, tearing his eyes away from Jungkook’s hand and its caresses, and up to some blank space of wall right behind Jungkook. He needs a moment before he’s ready for any eye contact.
“What’s up, Jungkookie?”
Jungkook’s hand encircles around his forearm, tightens slightly, and Jimin’s heart stutters, helplessly, at the movement. He doesn’t dare glance down again.
“You’re not paying attention to the movie,” Jungkook comments. “Are you bored?”
“What? No!” Jimin answers quickly, almost frantically. Sometimes (re: all the time) he hates how obvious he is. Of course, like always, Jungkook chuckles.
At the sound, Jimin’s eyes zoom to Jungkook’s face instantly. He absolutely refuses to look anywhere else when Jungkook laughs. Because missing a chance to see Jungkook’s adorable eye crinkle? That’d be a true travesty.
Jungkook pauses the movie, and turns his body towards Jimin. Unfortunately, Jungkook also lets go of his arm. Jimin tries not to miss the extra touch too much.
“We can watching something else,” he suggests. “I know you’re not the biggest Sci-Fi fan.”
“It’s fine,” Jimin says. He swallows, but finds it’s kind of hard to, seeing as he’s suddenly developed a big ole lump in his throat. Like an epiphany, Jimin realizes what this means. It’s his body’s way of telling him the time for The Confession™ is drawing near. Actually, the time might be right now. Jungkook is here, looking at him so kindly, so, dare Jimin say, lovingly. After one more hard swallow, Jimin decides he’s ready.
“Actually, Jungkook,” he starts, moving to wipe his now sweaty hands on his jeans. “I want to talk to you about something. You see, I–,” but he never gets to finish because Jungkook almost shouts in interruption, covering Jimin’s mouth with his two hands.
“Jimin! Before you say anything,” Jungkook says, tentatively moving his hands away, “I have something to ask you.”
Jimin waits, and while doing so, tries not to let his emotions show. It’s quite the challenge; the tightness in his chest makes breathing difficult, makes it impossible for him to think clearly. Thinking the worst, he already feels the tears coming. He swore to himself, swore that if Jungkook couldn’t return his feelings, he’d stay strong, but maybe he’d given himself too much credit before. He definitely wants to cry right now, and he hasn’t even been officially denied. Gosh, he didn’t even get to properly confess! Because, obviously, Jungkook, being the smarty he is, knows what Jimin’s trying to do, and is stopping The Confession™, purposely. Maybe he wants to let Jimin down easy, without ever having to hear it.
It’s quite possible, Jimin thinks, that he’d read too much into this friendship of theirs. The laughs, the frequent skinship, the long, aching stares. Has that all been one-sided? Jungkook might really not like Jimin, romantically, at all. Too wrapped up in his own thoughts, Jimin doesn’t even realize he hasn’t answered Jungkook’s first question.
“Jimin?”
“Oh, sorry, Jungkookie,” Jimin says, faintly. “You know you can ask me anything.”
“In that case, “ Jungkook says, with what Jimin thinks is a smirk. “Can I kiss you?”
Even though Jimin is usually eager to answer and respond, it takes a few seconds for him to process this question, but when he does, he nods his head, in a blissful daze, because Jungkook? Asked to kiss him? Does that mean…well, it must. He returns Jimin’s feelings. And Jimin’s heart is racing; his stomach flips only once before at last, finally, after dreaming about it for years, Jungkook’s lips are on his.
A soft, delicate kiss, but it’s enough for Jimin’s soul to shoot straight up into the high heavens. He’s barely aware of his own body, everything is just Jungkook Jungkook Jungkook, and it could be seconds or a minute, but when they finally pull away from each other, Jimin is ready for The Confession™, because now it’s his turn. He’s wanted to shout his love from the rooftops, and mountains, and on every street corner, and he finally can!
Except, in an unforeseeable turn of events, especially since the kiss only moments before, Jungkook throws a hefty wrench in that plan.
“I guess we really are better suited as friends.”
The words have Jimin crashing down; so far down he thinks he’s in the ninth layer of hell itself. His heart stops, and then turns to stone. Jungkook is looking at him; probably waiting for him to speak, to agree, but all Jimin can do is stare.
Jungkook reaches out a hand, to reassure him, maybe, but Jimin doesn’t let it happen. He scoots away, as if his touch might burn.
And, in a way, it does. Jimin’s face, still hot, albeit for a different reason than before, must show hurt and confusion because Jungkook starts talking, quickly, with an air of guilt woven rather indelicately around his clunky words.
“I’m sorry,” he begins. “I thought we could try it because…well, the past few months, I’ve been thinking about you a lot. I’ve just been confused, you know? But now, I realize I might’ve read into it too much, and really, Jimin,” Jungkook stops, chuckles, even though it sounds a little hollow, “you’re one of my best friends. I hope I didn’t mess anything up, Jimin. I really want us to stay friends.
Honestly, one little kiss isn’t a big deal. Right?”
The stone encasing Jimin’s heart shatters, and gosh, it hurts. All the times Jimin thought to this moment, of the possibility Jungkook rejecting him, he didn’t imagine it being this painful. Bringing a hand to his own chest, Jimin slowly rubs over where his heart should be since he’s not sure anymore; it’s like someone’s just taken a hammer and smashed it into nothing.
But then, he feels it, thumping dully, because that’s how life works. Jimin is here, alive, looking into Jungkook’s watery eyes (from guilt, Jimin presumes). And while his heart still beats, Jimin knows it’ll be a while, possibly forever, before it’ll feel whole again.
“Say something,” Jungkook says, weakly.
But his words are gone, in a place just out of reach. Sort of like Jungkook.
•••••••••••••
Come Monday, Jimin can barely keep his head up as he walks through the halls at school. His whole body feels unbearably heavy, and he’s really, truly so embarrassed. His self-esteem at an all time low, and he can’t help but think the worst. Does that person know? What about him? Or her? Do they all know that Jimin has been rejected by the love his life, without even having to enact The Confession™? They all know, he thinks. He pictures them laughing behind his back, asking each other, did you hear the news? Jimin actually thought Jungkook liked him! What a loser!
But, Jungkook is a private person, and Jimin didn’t tell a single soul what transpired between the two. He hasn’t spoken to anyone all weekend, left all texts either unread or unanswered. Well, one text was an exception. Jungkook’s text from Friday night, which he’d received only minutes after dragging himself through his front door, the kiss and its resulting Heartbreak™ still replaying itself in his head.
Jimin, are we okay?
Yes, he had texted back, almost immediately. We’re fine : )
A smiley face! Jimin is positive there is no one alive more pathetic than himself, but there’s no way he’ll let Jungkook know about his Heartbreak™ because everything, which now simply means their friendship, would be ruined. Jimin wasn’t lying when he said that he’d take anything Jungkook gives him. That includes friendship. They are, as Jungkook declared, best friends, which was once again confirmed via a second text from Jungkook, one Jimin couldn’t bring himself to look at until this morning, and if not for the mortifying events of Friday, Jimin would’ve taken as possibly romantic, I’m so glad I have you in my life.
Jimin doesn’t want to think too deeply on it anymore. His head is pounding, a direct result from spending Saturday and Sunday holed up in his room, crying off and on about the sad state of his love. His mother, a careful, respectful woman, brought him food, but never asked any questions, even though most of the food went untouched. Honestly, Jimin only dragged himself to school today because he needs to keep his perfect attendance. Sure, his heart is broken, but he can’t completely lose himself. Or, he can. That’s still to be determined.
“Fuuuuuuuuuck me,” Jimin mutters, finally arriving at his locker.
“Well, you’re cute and all,” a voice says from behind him, “but Jin would kill me. Jungkook would help him. Also, why didn’t you answer my texts over the weekend? I was scared you’d been dead from a Jungkook-induced overdose since Friday night.”
“Tae,” Jimin says, softly, looking up at his friend.
“Oooookay,” Taehyung replies, not even bothering to hide a cringe upon seeing Jimin’s face. “I take back the ‘cute’ comment. You look positively dead. And what’s up with the coke-bottle glasses?”
“My eyes hurt,” Jimin offers, and begins to work at his lock.
“Couldn’t sleep last night? Up all night, thinking about–”
“Not today, Tae,” Jimin says, more sharply than intended. Pre Heartbreak™ Jimin could take any and all teasing about Jungkook because, well, he thought he had a chance then. Now, Jimin can barely think, let alone hear, Jungkook’s name without wanting to throw up, or vanish from existence.
Taehyung hums thoughtfully, but doesn’t say anything else. He stands, quietly, waiting for Jimin.
But after he messes up his lock combo for the fifth time, Jimin bangs his head against the locker. A few of his neighbors eye him oddly, but Jimin is too frustrated to care.
“Here, let me.” Taehyung gently pushes Jimin out of the way, and in a quick half minute, has Jimin’s locker open.
“Thanks,” Jimin says. He shoves his Calculus and AP Biology textbooks in, rougher than normal, not even agitated about the homework he’d ignored all weekend. Pre Heartbreak™, the homework would be done. And sure, Jimin could spend his first period study hall doing the homework, but does he really want to? As an almost perfect student, he reasons a few days off to wallow and cry are, mostly, well deserved.
On the way to their shared study hall, Taehyung finally speaks up again.
“Are we going to talk?”
“Sure. How was your weekend?” Jimin, the expert diverter, asks.
“No, Jimin,” Taehyung sighs. “What’s wrong?”
And Jimin is about to answer him, maybe not to explain exactly what’s wrong, because, hello, they’re in the middle of a bustling hallway, but something that would stave off an actual answer until they are safely secluded in their quiet corner of the cafeteria, where study hall is held, when Jimin sees Jungkook. In his misery, Jimin had almost forgot that he and Taehyung see Jungkook every morning. Some days they even stop and chat for a minute, but today, Jimin acts quickly. The moment after he sees Jungkook open his mouth in greeting, he shoves Taehyung to the closest empty wall space, and kisses him.
Now, Taehyung and Jimin have kissed once before. Very platonically, during a spin the bottle game back in sophomore year. It was a peck, really, nothing to even blink, or think, twice at even though it’d been Jimin’s first kiss, ever. This kiss, does last much longer, but only because it has to. It’s really just an extended peck, its only intent to drive off one person.
And it works, because when Jimin rolls off of Tae, Jungkook is nowhere to be found. No one else is really paying attention, except for a guy Jimin thinks is a friend of Jungkook’s, and all he does is look at Jimin oddly, like he’s majorly confused about what he’d just witnessed.
So, one crisis adverted. Except now, another crisis, the original crisis, materializes once more in his mind, and it replaces this very platonic kiss with Taehyung, with the memory of the one and only kiss Jimin will ever have with the love of his life. Only the presence of the wall stops him from crumpling to the floor. He doesn’t even get to relive the kiss happily. The only kiss he’ll ever have with Jungkook, and it’s been turned into a nightmarish memory, one he’ll surely never forget.
“Have you completely lost your marbles?” Taehyung spits out. “What the hell? Jimin, you realize you just kissed me. In. front. Of. Jungkook. Did you hit your head this morning? How are you going to explain this to him? More importantly, to Jin? Because my boyfriend is not breaking up with me over this, okay?”
Jimin whines. In the moment, he’d honestly forgotten about Jin’s existence. Running a hand through his hair, he grabs Tae’s arm with the other, dragging him toward the cafeteria.
“Let’s just get to study hall first.”
And of course, Taehyung, the absolute best friend Jimin will ever have, follows along more dutifully than Jimin deserves.
“You’re telling me,” Taehyung says, eyebrows raised, “Jungkook kissed you, said he had some sort of false crush on you, and asked to stay friends?”
Jimin lifts his head up from where its nestled between his arms to nod once, then quickly retreats back down. They’re safe in study hall, and with each passing minute, life gets worse. Even though Jimin didn’t think it’d be possible.
“Sounds suspect,” Taehyung scoffs.
“It happened,” Jimin hisses, looking up once more. He looks around to make sure no one is close enough to hear them. “Trust me, it really, really happened.”
“I’m not doubting that exactly,” Taehyung replies. “But there’s no way Jungkook doesn’t like you.”
Jimin sits up, not because Tae’s words give him hope, but because he needs to nip this in the bud here and now. No way is he going to have Tae fill him with any delusions now.
“Maybe he did,” Jimin says. “Or, he thought he did. Look, we kissed, I was there. He clearly felt nothing, no spark, because immediately after he started explaining it meant nothing. It was probably like kissing a friend for him, or a wall. Not life-changing at all.”
“Okay, so you’ve definitely put some thought into this.”
“Obviously.” Jimin tries hard not to roll his eyes.
“Was it life-changing?” Taehyung asks. “For you?”
Shamefully, Jimin answers with a meek nod.
“Well, good to know your love held true,” Taehyung cheers. “Still, I think you’re wrong. Way off base.”
“Tae.”
“No, listen–,” Taehyung pauses when he hears his phone ping. He shoots Jimin a dirty look. “If this is Jin breaking up with me over that dumb, tactless kiss, I swear to god, Jimin, I don’t know what I’ll do–”
“I already apologized!”
“Oh, it’s Jungkook.”
“What?” Jimin’s stomach flips, and his hands feel clammy. “What did he say?”
Taehyung sighs, reads the text, and then turns his phone towards Jimin.
Hey, Tae. I guess congrats are in order? lol. I didn’t know u and Jin broke up. Jimin deserves the best so I hope that’s the case. anyway good luck in ur relationship with Jimin!
“He even included an exclamation point,” Jimin whispers. He slinks into himself,
praying for this rotten day (week, year, not life because he’s not that dramatic) to end so he can sleep forever.
“Did he text you?”
Jimin, the madman he is, starts fervently digging through his backpack, rummaging around until he finds his phone, on silent, at the bottom. His heart is thumping furiously as he unlocks it, his hands shake as he hands the phone across the table to Taehyung.
“I don’t think I can look.”
“It says,” Taehyung clears his throat, “and I quote, ‘please be happy, always.’ God, he’s so freakin’ cheesy, it makes me want to barf.”
Jimin stares wordlessly at Taehyung for a moment.
“There’s also a text from Jin that says, ‘hands and lips off my boyfriend.’ Ugh, why is he the cutest? I love him so much.”
“What the heck, Tae?”
“Okay, sorry, sorry,” Taehyung grimaces. “Can’t I be a little happy you didn’t mess up my relationship?”
“Fine,” Jimin pouts. “But what do you say to Jungkook now? I’m so pathetic. I can’t believe I kissed you! I just didn’t want him to know.”
“Know what?”
“That I love him. Gosh, Tae, have you even been listening to me?”
“Wait, hold the phone!” Taehyung slams his palms, and Jimin’s phone, down on the table. Across the cafeteria, the study hall teacher gives them the stink eye. “I thought you confessed! You gave me the impression that you confessed!”
“I was about to confess! But then he interrupted, and kissed me!”
“Then, everything is fine. Act normal. He doesn’t need to know,” Taehyung replies, then more quietly adds, “Or deserve to know, the little stinker.”
“Okay.” Jimin takes a deep, obnoxious breath to calm down. “First of all, everything is not fine because I’m in love with him, and he just wants to be friends after I spent months think we’d start dating. I can barely look at him without wanting to die, Tae! Two, Jungkook thinks we’re dating now, you complete moron!”
“That’s completely your fault,” Taehyung adds, pointedly. “Look, I can text him right now and tell him you kissed me due to a sudden bout of insanity, or better yet, maybe we can play it off as an unrequited love? Meaning, you, being in love with me. Obviously, I need to stay happily married to my precious Jin. People already probably think I’m a cheater!”
“Honestly, Tae, nobody here cares about you and your college boyfriend,” Jimin says. “Just tell Jungkook whatever, okay? Nothing matters anymore.”
Jimin slumps back down on the table, hiding his face again. He feels his eyes begin to prickle with tears. He’d finally been able to stop the flow this morning, thought he might’ve even broken his tear ducts through overuse. But clearly, Jimin has no luck, with anything, at all, whatsoever.
•••••••••••••
By mid-week, things aren’t better. Sure, Jimin is getting very, very good at avoiding Jungkook, but after he knows Taehyung told him a half truth, that Jimin and Taehyung are in no way dating, there’s not a shot in hell Jimin wants to willingly show his face in front of Jungkook anytime soon. And Jungkook must know, or sense something, because he doesn’t reach out to Jimin again or talk to him in school. They don’t have any classes together so Jimin doesn’t have to worry about that, and he avoids any paths that may cross Jungkook’s. Normally, before Jimin’s world was destroyed, they’d meet up in the halls between their lunch blocks, and after school. It’d been the highlights of Jimin’s days.
Honestly, they really should never have met, formally. If Taehyung and Jungkook never got close during P.E. during the fall…everything would be fine. Jimin would have watched from the sidelines, pining after him until graduation, and then would it really have continued after that? They’ll be off to university this fall…and so what if Jimin and Jungkook, coincidentally, have the same first choice university? That doesn’t mean the crush (love) will carry all the way to a new school. Jimin will be an adult soon. Once he moves back his Heartbreak™, nothing can stop him.
Jimin thinks it’s about time to grow up anyway. He’ll get through the next few months, and maybe one day, it’ll be easier to see Jungkook. Maybe even hang out again. He really does miss him already, almost desperately, not just as the love of his life, but also as his friend. It’s an unfortunate situation, but as cliché as it is, only time, and a little distance, will help.
“That’s definitely your ‘I miss my Jungkookie’ face,” Taehyung whispers, way too loudly. Jimin would only be a little upset for Tae’s comment, except they’re currently in Calculus! Jimin is trying to listen to their teacher, sort of. Plus, anyone, especially the pretty blonde haired girl (who Jimin deliberately refuses to name), who happens to have a huge, very noticeable crush on Jungkook, can hear him!
“Can you shut it? I’m trying to be a diligent student.”
“No shot you’re genuinely paying attention to this lesson.”
“I am!”
“Well, I wanted to tell you,” Taehyung pauses, and looks intentionally back at Blondie, who sits behind Jimin, “Jungkook misses you.”
Jimin blinks, his chest tightens momentarily, before he shakes his head, as if that’ll help get rid of Jungkook.
“I miss him, too,” he replies, honestly. It’s true, even if it’s his first time voicing it aloud. “You know why it’s this way.”
Taehyung looks at him, almost pityingly, for a moment. “He doesn’t, though! He thinks you hate him.”
“I don’t! Not at all–”
“Mr. Park, Mr. Kim. Please save your personal conversations for after class.”
Jimin opens his mouth to speak an apology, but his teacher has already turned back towards the whiteboard, and so he grips his pencil tight and takes notes, like the good student he is, continuing on even when his vision begins to blur.
•••••••••••••
He sees Jungkook again, face to face, that is, (because, of course, Jimin is a masochist and so what if he looked at the numerous selfies they’ve taken with each other, whilst crying? It’s all part of the grieving process) only a week after his Heartbreak™. Is it too soon? Yes. Did Jimin have a choice? No. Taehyung and Jin literally carried Jimin out of his house, with full support from Jimin’s mom, and upon arrival at their current destination, which is some greasy diner somewhere near Jin’s university, they were met with the ethereal presence of the one and only love of Jimin’s life. Jungkook.
Now, because God, and Taehyung and Jin, hate him, he’s sitting across from Jungkook, in a corner booth. To top it off, Taehyung and Jin are play footsies underneath the table, and being rudely obvious about it. If they want to be in love, fine, but can’t they be less loud about it? He sincerely wants to strangle them both, because he doesn’t even want to be here, sitting across from Jungkook, who he’s avoided for a week.
Jimin hasn’t moved past the crying stage yet, and even though he keeps it cool enough at school, it’s a little reckless for him to be in the presence of Jungkook right now. Especially when Jungkook looks as handsome as he does tonight. Jungkook always looks handsome, but tonight, it’s like he purposely dressed with an intention to make Jimin suffer. With hair parted, with just the right amount of forehead showing, a black shirt that perfectly fits his toned upper body, and, the jeans he’s wearing. Jimin could wax poetic all night about how they fit Jungkook’s tight, firm butt just right. It’s only a lot sad that Jimin will never get to touch said butt.
All Jimin’s brain is doing is screaming, I love him I love him I love him in an endless refrain, and every time Jungkook looks at him, he feels like he’s underwater, gasping for air. The real dilemma is, Jimin concludes, is how many months will he end up dreaming about Jungkook’s butt in these jeans?
“Butt in what jeans?” Taehyung asks. “What’d you say, Jimin?”
“I didn’t say anything,” Jimin answers, suddenly becoming very interested in his left index finger’s cuticle.
“Yes, you did,” Jin insists. “I heard you. You said you were going to dream about butts. Kinky, Jiminie. Who are you thinking about, huh?” Jin waggles his eyebrows, and Jimin wants to reply that he’s actually thinking about shaving those perfectly sculpted eyebrows right off Jin’s forehead. But, he’s mature, so he smiles as best he can, and remains silent.
“Jimin has had a rough week, babe,” Taehyung says, so cloyingly sweet that Jimin’s stomach churns. Nothing good can come from this tone. “He’s heartbroken.”
Jimin freezes, his insides shriveling up, and he hopes, by some chance, his outsides will follow suit. He hopes his whole body shrivels up until there’s no trace he ever lived. He never thought Taehyung would take his Heartbreak™ and rub it in his face like this! Especially in front of Jungkook.
“Taehyung,” Jungkook says, roughly, almost meanly. “I think you need to be more considerate of Jimin’s feelings.”
And it’s sweet, what Jungkook says, the attempt to defend him and all. It’d be truly sweet, if not for how oblivious Jungkook is to Jimin’s actual feelings. But, what truly destroys any sweetness to the moment is that Jin begins to laugh so hard, he spits up the water he’d just attempted to drink.
“Babe!” Taehyung shouts. “Be careful!”
“I’m fine,” Jin says, still chuckling as he wipes water and spit off his chin with a napkin. “I just can’t take how stupid they are, baby.”
“Jin, babe,” Taehyung says, hesitant, side-eyeing Jimin. “I thought we were gonna work up to this a bit more.”
“Screw that!” Jin throws his napkin down on the table.
“Jungkook,” he says, plainly, “Jimin isn’t in love with Taehyung.”
“Jin, stop!” Jimin jumps up, finally forcing himself to react to this current shit show. And unfortunately, on the jump up, he hits his knees against the edge of the table. He can’t help but whine loudly.
“Jimin, are you okay?” Jungkook asks, standing up as well. He reaches out across the table and grips Jimin by the arm. “Do you need ice? Is anything broken?”
“Oh, Jungkook,” Jin says, smiling at the two of them. Jimin narrows his eyes, not willing to let Jin blow his cover anymore than he already has. But Jin just sits back, and says, sort of loftily, “You poor, dumb boy.”
“He’s definitely not okay, Jungkook,” Taehyung answers, fake concerned. Jimin has never wanted to slap his best friend before, ever, but finds that he’s dangerously close to doing so now, especially when Tae continues on talking. “Maybe you should bring him home.”
“No!” Jimin exclaims. “We didn’t even get our food yet. Let’s eat, please. I’m so hungry, honestly. I could eat a whole house.” Jimin chuckles, nervously. “You know, I’m going to order a milkshake, after all. Strawberry or chocolate? Banana might be good tonight. Right, Tae?” Jimin sits down, clutching the table for support with his shaky hands. “Actually, I’m feeling strawberry banana is the way to go. It’s refreshing, and I, you know, haven’t had a m-milkshake in so, so long. What do you t-think, Jungkook?” Jimin looks up at Jungkook, and smiles even though he feels his mouth trembling. But it doesn’t matter, he’s determined to act as natural as he can, to forget about what he now knows is a meaningless mistake from last Friday. His world is so close to falling even more apart, and any semblance of control slipping from his fingertips. Taehyung and Jin aren’t here to help or comfort him; it’s almost like they want Jimin to admit his Heartbreak™ aloud, in front of Jungkook, and Jimin can’t, no way can he ever do that, because that means maybe losing Jungkook permanently. Jimin just needs a few weeks, maybe months, and everything will be fine. “So, yeah, when the server comes back, l-let’s order me a milkshake.”
He’s met with silence from his tablemates. The bustling diner is loud, but no one at their corner booth utters a word in reply to Jimin. No one even moves until finally, Taehyung hands him a napkin. When Jimin looks at down at it dumbly, Taehyung says, “Jimin, you’re crying.”
“Oh, I didn’t even, y-you know, realize.” Jimin takes it and dabs at his eyes. I-I think I’ll head home after all.”
And with that, Jimin gets up from the table, slithering out of Taehyung’s attempt to grab his arm, and runs, quite literally, out of that dumb, greasy diner.
Jimin runs for a good few blocks until his tears, and lungs, prevent him from running any further. But he refuses to stop moving so he continues walking, chest heaving, in a direction he thinks should eventually bring him to a bus stop. He’s not too familiar with this part of town, so he hopes that finally, maybe this time, luck will be on his side.
A minute goes by, and Jimin suddenly seizes with fear, because it’s dark, and these streets aren’t well lit, and he has absolutely no idea where he is. He doesn’t even have his phone, because he, like a complete idiot, left it back at the diner.
Behind him, Jimin hears someone shouting, and he’s scared until he realizes the person is shouting his name.
Turning around to yell at what he assumes is his idiotic, jerky best friend, Jimin falters, stops himself before any words leave his mouth.
“Jimin! Oh, thank god. I didn’t know which way you ran…I just had to guess, and hope I got lucky, and I guess I did,” Jungkook pants out, finally reaching Jimin. “Are you okay? Fuck, shit, of course you’re not okay. I’m a complete asshole, Jimin. I swear, no one can ever compete on my level of asshole-ness.”
“You’re wonderful,” Jimin sniffles, turning away slightly. He knows what’s going to happen now, but he’ll power through it. Jimin can only imagine what kind of conversation his three friends had after he ran off. But he thinks it’s safe to assume, due to the frightened look in Jungkook’s eyes, that the love of his life has been enlightened to Jimin’s true feelings. “Don’t be hard on yourself, Jungkookie.”
“No, Jimin,” Jungkook says, desperation lacing his voice. “God, I really don’t deserve you. It’s all a misunderstanding, okay? Shit. Okay, look, let’s start with this. A week ago, I cut you off, and you didn’t get a chance to speak again that night. I was a shit friend, and then it got weird, because I’m this huge asshole, you know? So please, Jimin, tell me what you wanted to tell me last week. I’m ready to listen.”
“Jungkook,” Jimin says, so quietly he’s not even sure the sound will reach Jungkook just a foot away. “I think…I think you know what I wanted to tell you.” Jimin feels a sob building up in his chest, and swallows it down. He breathes, counting to five before continuing. “It doesn’t really matter anymore. Thank you, though.” Jimin smiles, making himself look up into Jungkook’s eyes, hoping Jungkook lets it rest. For how well intentioned Jungkook aims to be, it feels a little too much like torture. “I really do want to be friends. But, maybe… it was a little too soon?”
“No, Jimin,” Jungkook says, eyes wild, “You don’t get it.”
“I do,” Jimin says, hurriedly, because he’s exhausted, and he really doesn’t feel like getting rejected again. “I promise!” Jimin nods, rocks back and forth on the soles of his feet. He can do this. Another hour tops with Jungkook, because he has a feeling the boy won’t let him go home alone tonight, and then he’ll start the real process of calmly, peacefully moving on. Somehow. “Now, let’s find the bus stop,” Jimin says, turning, more than ready to keep on walking, but Jungkook stops him with a hand encircling his wrist. Jimin hates himself for savoring the brief moment of contact, for the tingles Jungkook’s touch still gives him.
“Jimin, no,” Jungkook says, once they’re facing each other again. “I love you.”
“Love you, too,” Jimin whispers back. It’s a little odd to hear, since they’ve only said it to each other a handful of times before, but Jimin finds it doesn’t hurt that much. He’ll accept any love Jungkook has for him.
“No!” Jungkook grabs at his hair, pulling helplessly at the ends. Then, he lets out a deep breath, and looks right into Jimin’s eyes. “Jimin, I’m in love with you. In an extremely romantic way. Like, probably a whole lot, too.”
“What?” Jimin’s brain short circuits. This doesn’t make any sense. Just last week, when they kissed, Jimin was right there, he heard Jungkook with his own two ears. Better suited as friends. The words have haunted him this entire week. Gosh, he cried gallons of tears while replaying those words over and over again. “But last Friday…”
“It’s because you didn’t kiss back!” Jungkook nearly shouts. “You said okay to the kiss, but when you didn’t react, I was sure you just said yes out of shock, or so you wouldn’t hurt my feelings. So I freaked, and said that stupid shit about being friends.”
“I didn’t kiss back?”
“Jimin,” Jungkook says. “It doesn’t matter now. I just need to know that we’ll be okay, eventually.”
Jimin takes a step closer to Jungkook, reaching out for him, and Jungkook, finally, seems to know exactly what he needs because he immediately wraps Jimin up in his arms, so very tight, and for who knows how long, whispers muffled I love yous into his hair.
Later that night, cuddled with Jungkook under a fluffy red blanket, Jimin officially completes his New Year’s resolution.