Archive of Our Own

It all starts when Minho and Jisung get together.

Felix usually doesn’t think about kissing. He loves his Changbin with all his heart, and the feeling is mutual, but they aren’t very public with their affection. They may hold hands and they may bring each other flowers, but they haven’t kissed once.

Minho and Jisung, on the other hand, kiss a lot.

Whenever Minho comes into the shop in the early hours before his shift starts, his standard greeting for Jisung is either a kiss on the cheek or a peck of the lips. When they cuddle on the sofa in the waiting area, Jisung would sometimes plant kisses on Minho’s temples, and Minho would give Jisung that tiny smile that he loves so much before kissing him on the jaw. They kiss, too, when Minho has to leave for work and Jisung has to start setting up.

It’s almost as if there’s a kiss for every occasion. Jamming at a DAY6 gig? Kisses. Shopping for groceries with Felix and Hyunjin? Kisses. Coming over to Chan’s apartment for Mario Kart? Kisses.

Kisses, kisses, kisses. It makes Felix wonder if it’s really that amazing, because Felix flushes just as red as a freshly-smooched Jisung whenever Changbin so much as brushes his fingers against Felix.

“Hey, Jisung,” Felix calls one day, watching absently as Minho exits through the glass door of the tattoo shop. Jisung had been spacing out with a dopey smile on his face until he heard his name and blinked himself into coherence.

“What?” Jisung says, scratching the back of his neck. His eyes are still on Minho.

Felix frowns. “Why do you kiss Minho-hyung so much?”

“Well, why do you bring Changbin-hyung flowers every day?” Jisung retorts. “Because he’s my boyfriend and I like him, duh.”

“That’s not the same as kissing him,” says Felix, furrowing his brows in thought. “What does kissing feel like?”

Jisung shrugs. “Nice? I don’t know.”

“That doesn’t explain anything,” complains Felix with a pout. With how often Jisung kisses Minho, you’d think he’d be better at describing it.

“Just kiss Changbin-hyung and find out.” Jisung waves a hand. “It’s not like he isn’t your boyfriend or anything.”

“But we’ve never kissed before,” Felix says, because it’s true. “I like holding his hand, though.”

“You’re such a baby,” Jisung coos. “It’s okay, Felix. You can stay a baby if you want.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Felix demands, but Jisung only snorts. “We’re the same age, you jerk.”

“You don’t need to kiss Changbin-hyung to be his boyfriend,” says Jisung, patting Felix on the head. “It’s cute how you always bring him flowers, though. I’d die if Minho-hyung ever did that for me.”

Felix files this information away for a later date. Maybe when he wants Jisung to die.

“But I wanna know how it feels,” Felix says quietly. “How do you kiss someone like Changbin-hyung and not combust?”

“Never tried it,” Jisung replies too quickly to not sound suspicious. “But you could.”

“How?” Felix frowns.

“Don’t ask me.” Jisung shrugs. “Kisses just happen. Just act natural.”

With that, Jisung leaves Felix at a loss. He doesn’t understand at all. Kisses just happen? Act natural? What is that supposed to mean? Is this—coffee dates and daily flowers and warm fingers laced together—not natural?

Jisung doesn’t make any sense. Felix watches him retreat with furrowed brows.

Now that Felix thinks about it, he could probably ask Chan about it, too. But when Felix approaches him after his first appointment, Chan says pretty much the same thing—that kisses are natural, and that Felix just needs to let it happen.

Neither of them are helpful at all. Asking Hyunjin is out of the question, because he would probably start clowning Felix the second he opens his mouth. And it’s not like he has a boyfriend to talk about anyway.

So Felix takes to Google. It’s the only logical solution. It’s helped him pass maths tests before, so why wouldn’t it be able to help him kiss his boyfriend? Felix’s logic is infallible.

How to kiss, he types into the search bar. It’s a shiny WikiHow article that greets him on the first page, and Felix is determined to follow each and every step.

It won’t be hard, he thinks. Changbin-hyung already likes him, so what does he have to worry about?

Nothing, that’s what.

-

1. Drop hints that you’re interested. You can put out some subtle signals that you're angling for a kiss without coming right out and saying it.

-

Felix decides to start his quest when Changbin picks him up for lunch the next day. He smiles when he sees Changbin—flower in hand; it’s a cape jasmine this time—walk into the shop.

“Hi,” Felix greets, snuggling into Changbin’s side. He’s wearing a soft, white sweater today. Felix is a little disappointed that he isn’t flaunting his flower sleeve, but then again it has been cold out for the past week or so. Felix wouldn’t want him to get sick.

“Hey, you,” says Changbin, tucking the flower behind Felix’s ear. “Ready for lunch?”

“Ready.” Felix nods. Changbin settles a hand on his lower back and Felix’s heart flutters as he guides him out of the shop. Hyunjin always makes fun of him—about how shy and blushing he still gets around Changbin even after months of being together, but Felix can’t help himself. Whenever he looks up at Changbin and sees him smile it feels like the soft, early hours of the morning after midnight—like a new beginning, like the sun is about to rise, and it’s not Felix’s fault that roses bloom across his cheeks.

Felix is warm and content in Changbin’s arms—especially in the chilly air—and he almost forgets what he’s supposed to be doing. It finally occurs to him when he sits at a booth in Wonpil’s cafe and catches Jaehyung sneak a kiss onto Wonpil’s cheek when he takes Changbin’s order.

Right. He’s supposed to be enacting his plan. Felix steels himself when Changbin sits across him.

“I got you a panini,” says Changbin, but Felix doesn’t say anything. Get caught looking (briefly) at the other person’s lips, said WikiHow. Now would be the perfect time.

Changbin’s lips are pink and small, but Felix doesn’t get the hype. What’s so special about them? He sees Changbin every day, and this... just looks normal. He doesn’t look away for a solid minute, and he almost doesn’t notice them parting in speech.

“Is there something on my face?” Changbin asks, touching his lips. When Felix doesn’t respond, he waves a hand in front of him. “Earth to Lix, you okay there?”

Felix blinks. “What?”

“You were spacing out.” Changbin frowns. “Did you get enough sleep? I worry about you, you know.”

“Oh, no, I’m, uh, fine,” Felix stammers. Changbin worries about him! “Don’t worry, hyung! I get enough sleep.”

(And that’s only because Changbin texts him every night at ten o’clock to tell him to head to bed or else he’ll be late for work the next day. It’s times like this that Felix wishes he could do more for Changbin.)

“Good.” Changbin smiles, and Felix feels his heart swell in his chest. Hopefully Changbin took the hint, because maybe a kiss would serve as enough thanks for how sweet he always is with Felix—

Changbin leans in.

!!! says Felix’s brain.

He squeezes his eyes shut and wills himself not to scream because Changbin is coming closer and his breath is warm over Felix’s cheeks and Felix didn’t expect this to happen so soon—especially with so little effort, all he did was stare at Changbin’s mouth—and ha, Jisung, I’m not a baby anymore! and Felix can’t wait to rub it in his squirrel face.

It’s happening, he tells himself. Really happening!

...But when Changbin’s warmth hovers directly over his cheeks, it’s not lips that Felix feels.

It’s disappointment.

No, Felix’s mind screams as he feels Changbin’s fingers brush over his cheekbone. No!!!

“A petal fell on your cheek,” Changbin explains. He looks like he has no idea what he’s done wrong. Clueless. So, so clueless. Felix groans, shoving his face into his hands. He can’t believe that this just happened. He can’t believe he thought that it was going to be a kiss. Changbin’s eyebrows furrow in concern, and he presses a hand to Felix’s forehead.

“Lix? Are you sure you’re okay?” Changbin asks, worry leaking into his voice. Felix can’t even be mad at him. He’s too pure, kiss be damned.

“Yes, I’m fine,” Felix mumbles, leaning into Changbin’s palm. If he stays like that for a little while, no one has to know.

(He sulks for about ten seconds until Changbin spoonfeeds him with his crepe cake, and Felix instantly brightens.)

So maybe he doesn’t get a kiss that day. But there are still four more steps. Felix will get him next time for sure.

-

2. Break the kiss barrier (optional). If you're feeling brave, test the waters with a small kiss on the hand or the cheek. If the other person seems interested, it's probably safe to proceed with a kiss on the mouth.

-

It occurs to Felix, several days later, that he hadn’t followed all of the bullet points on step one, and he thinks maybe that’s why it was a flop.

Between the sudden rise of the tattoo shop’s popularity and Felix’s many appointments, though, he doesn’t find much time to continue with his plan. Or see Changbin at all, for that matter. But for the first time in a while he only has one appointment for the day, and he decides to take the opportunity when he sees it.

He exits the shop the moment his appointment ends and heads to the bookstore. Felix resolves to follow all bullet points under step one before he proceeds with step two, and the person that would most likely be able to help him works there.

Haneul greets Felix with a warm smile when he enters, and Felix returns the sentiment.

“Hi, Haneul-hyung!” Felix greets brightly. “Is Minho-hyung here?”

“He’s stocking up over at the Young Adult section,” answers Haneul. “Why? What’s up?”

“Oh, um,” stutters Felix. “Just... things.”

He can’t tell Haneul about the kissing thing. That’d be embarrassing. He’s already questioning himself when it comes to talking with Minho about it. How much more if he lets Haneul know? That’s like telling your mom about your fantasies.

Haneul quirks a brow. “Things?”

“Yeah, um. Things.” Felix flushes. “Thanks, hyung!”

Before he can incriminate himself further, Felix scurries off into the aisles of bookshelves to find Minho. He’s the only person that wouldn’t tell Felix he’s a baby for not kissing Changbin yet, and he’s the only person who wouldn’t tell him to just let it happen. Felix is sure of it.

When Felix finds Minho, some obscure book in hand, he’s is pleased to know that he was right.

“It’s about time!” Minho says, pushing the book into place. He flashes Felix a grin. “How do you want me to help you?”

“Thank you Minho-hyung!” Felix claps his hands together, recalling the bullet points under step one. Make your mouth appealing. “I just wanted some lip-gloss. And maybe advice?”

Minho hums, finger tapping his lips. “Okay, come with me.”

Felix finds himself being led into the breakroom, Haneul raising his eyebrows at them when they pass by. Felix only shrugs at him. He doesn’t know what Minho’s doing, either.

Minho seats him in a folding chair and twists around to dig through a bag placed on a shelf. He lets out small aha! when he finds what he’s looking for, and sets two things down on the table in front of Felix.

“This is clear lip gloss,” Minho says, pointing to a white tube. Then he points to a pink tub that has a star imprinted on the top. “And this is a lip scrub. You need both.”

“What’s lip scrub for?” Felix asks, taking the tub into his hands. When he opens it, the strong smell of pancakes wafts into his nose. “Why does this smell like breakfast?”

“This is for scrubbing off the dead skin on your lips,” Minho says, plucking the tub out of Felix’s hands. He scoops a glob of lip scrub with his finger and spreads it over his lips. “Like this—see? It’s edible, too.”

Curiously, Felix scoops up a small amount of lip scrub and imitates Minho’s actions. He doesn’t notice an immediate difference, but that aside it tastes delicious.

“Don’t just eat it,” Minho says, tugging the lip scrub out of reach when Felix reaches out for more. “Do you know how fast these things sell out? I had to stay up all night waiting for this to restock.”

“Geez, sorry, hyung.” Felix pouts. Then he picks up the lip gloss. “What about this, then?”

“Oh!” Minho brightens. “The lip gloss. Come here, I’ll put it on you.”

Felix leans over the table expectantly, and Minho rises to meet him. The lip gloss wand is light in Minho’s hands, and it glides smoothly over Felix’s lips.

“You’re lucky, Lix,” Minho murmurs in his concentration. “You have naturally pink lips so you don’t need colored lip gloss.”

“Do you think Changbin-hyung will like it?” Felix asks, nervousness slipping into his voice. When he presses his lips together they taste like coconut pancakes. “I don’t really know what I’m doing.”

“He’ll love it, don’t worry,” says Minho, placing the cap back over the wand. “Now, here’s how you’re going to get him to kiss you...”

Minho divulges a plan that makes Felix’s ears flush bright red. When he leaves the bookstore he’s still blushing, and he walks to the flower shop almost in a haze. Felix only comes to when the bell rings and Changbin perks up to greet him.

“Jikseu!” Changbin calls, smile on his face so warm that Felix isn’t even mad at the name. “Come here!”

Obediently, Felix walks behind the counter with a spring in his step. Seeing that there aren’t any customers yet, Changbin hugs him around the waist and buries his face in Felix’s neck.

“Sorry I couldn’t bring you a flower, hyung,” Felix says, circling his arms around Changbin’s shoulders. “We’re a little busy at the shop but I’m free today!”

“It’s okay, Lix, I’m just happy to see you,” comes Changbin‘s muffled voice. “Aish. I already went on my break this morning, though.”

“That’s okay, I’ll just help you out here.” Felix gulps. They separate, and Changbin smiles up at him with that soft, early morning smile. Pretty, pretty smile with his pretty, pretty eyes.

“Ah, Lix, you put makeup on?” Changbin asks suddenly, and Felix almost breathes a sigh of relief. Thank god he doesn’t have to bring that up himself. “It looks pretty on you.”

“Thank you.” Felix blushes, remembering the plan that Minho told him. It’s now or never. “Can you—can you smell it?”

Changbin scrunches his nose. He’s so cute that Felix might die. Oh, god. How is he gonna survive a kiss?

“Is that... coconut? And pancakes?” Changbin raises his eyebrows. “You smell like breakfast.”

He does. Not a flirtatious smell at all!!!!! Felix almost frowns. But Minho must’ve had a good reason for this.

Break the kiss barrier, says WikiHow, and Felix leans in as close as he dares. His breath fans over Changbin’s cheeks. He really hopes he doesn’t stutter—

“I, um, I taste like it, too.”

Damn it, Felix.

Changbin blinks. “You what?”

“My—my um, mouth, it...” Felix stammers. “It tastes like coconut and pancakes. You should—you should... taste it.”

Felix squeezes his eyes shut. Oh, god. The things Minho told him to say—he can’t even get them out right because he’s so embarrassed. It sounds... really dirty, and Felix doesn’t know how Changbin will react to it.

“Sure.” Changbin only shrugs. Oh my god, whispers Felix’s brain. He can’t believe it. Is it finally going to happen...?

“Really?” Felix breathes.

“Why not?” says Changbin. “Do you have it with you?”

A record scratch.

“Wait, what?” Felix blinks. “What do you mean?”

“The lip gloss,” Changbin says, holding out a palm with wiggling fingers. “I want to try it.”

Felix is... devastated.

“I... I don’t,” he says weakly, because Minho refused to give it to him without the assurance that he’d use it every day, and Felix can’t just make that kind of promise when he forgets to change out of his pajamas sometimes.

“Oh, too bad then,” Changbin says, but he doesn’t sound as disappointed as Felix wants him to be. Then Changbin swipes his thumb over Felix’s bottom lip, and Felix logs the fuck out.

Changbin brings the digit to his mouth and licks it, and Felix is screaming internally because that’s Changbin’s tongue on his thumb that touched Felix’s lip and oh my god, he whispers to himself, was that an indirect kiss?

“Tastes exactly like Wonpil-hyung’s coconut pancakes,” Changbin notes, pleased, but Felix has trouble registering what he just said. Or what just happened, for that matter. Does Changbin even know what he’s done?

Felix doesn’t see him redden when he turns around, but Felix at least lets himself believe that this probably counts as breaking the kiss barrier.

Next time, for sure. Felix will get a kiss.

-

3. Set the mood with a romantic compliment. Go big and pay the other person the sincerest compliment you can think of. If you get it right, the other person might take the lead and lean in to kiss you.

-

The third step sounds much, much easier than the others. Felix thinks he might not even need help with this one. Changbin is very easy to compliment, after all.

But the problem is that Felix is too embarrassed to face him after the whole lip gloss fiasco. And that’s why he’s at the bookstore instead of the tattoo shop, hiding in the break room with Minho instead of waiting for Changbin to pick him up after closing time.

Felix sprints over as soon as Chan tells them they’re free to go. Jisung and Hyunjin look at him funny when he leaves, but Felix is too... embarrassed... to explain himself.

“Tell me again why you’re here with me instead of Changbin,” Minho says with a sigh, cheek resting on his palm. “Was my lip gloss not effective?”

“I don’t know,” Felix admits, because Changbin did seem to like it. “He called me pretty but we didn’t kiss.”

Felix reddens, remembering Changbin licking his thumb. Minho squints. “You can’t tell me that’s all that happened when you asked him to taste it,” he challenges. ”Unless you didn’t do what I told you.”

“Um, well, he...” Felix gulps, pressing his fingers against his pulse. Minho is looking at him expectantly now, and Felix feels pressured. “He... touched my lip, and...”

“Finish that sentence,” Minho demands, and Felix yelps.

“He touched my lip with his thumb and licked it, okay!” Felix rushes, burying his face in his hands. “I’m too embarrassed to talk to him now because I get flustered thinking about it?”

“Lix, that’s your boyfriend,” Minho deadpans. “So what if he licks his finger after he touches your mouth? Jisung has licked—“

“No! Don’t tell me that, hyung,” Felix cries. “I don’t want to know what Jisung has licked.”

“I was going to say that he’s licked kimchi off the floor before kissing me—what are you thinking?” Minho scowls. “My point is that you shouldn’t be embarrassed.”

Felix doesn’t reply at that. For a few minutes, he considers Minho’s words, which Felix supposes are right, but they don’t make him any less embarrassed. Felix just needs some time to... get over himself. And maybe think of a compliment for Changbin now that he thinks about it.

“Hey, hyung,” Felix calls curiously. “How would you describe Changbin-hyung?”

“Hmm?” Minho tilts his head. “Nice arms. Sexy stare.”

“What,” Felix blurts, flushing red. “Why would you say that?”

“Because it’s true?” Minho raises a brow. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“He’s got a nicer smile, though,” Felix murmurs. “It’s like... morning, you know? It’s... soft.”

“Felix, that’s so homosexual of you,” coos Minho. “Go and kiss him already.”

As if on cue, the door to the break room eases open and Haneul peeks inside. “Felix,” he calls. “Changbin is here to see you.”

Felix sighs. He should have known that Hyunjin and Jisung would rat him out. Minho wiggles his eyebrows at him and says, “there’s your prince, Lix,” and Felix tries not to squirm in embarrassment. He exits the break room with a deep breath, and when he locks eyes with Changbin, he tries hard not to let his embarrassment show.

“Hi, hyung,” he squeaks. Way to go, Felix.

Changbin only smiles at him. “Hey, Lix. Why’re you here? I thought you ditched me or something.”

That’s because I did, Felix thinks but doesn’t say. He was trying to avoid Changbin. But now Changbin is here, so that’s definitely flown out the window. Thankfully, Felix doesn’t have to answer, because Minho tugs at his sleeve before the conversation can continue.

“You forgot this.” Minho winks, pressing the coconut lip gloss against his palm. “Also this—“

He pulls something out of his pocket, and then Minho is turning Felix’s face toward him and spreading pancake sugar scrub across his lips with a gentle finger, and Felix is extremely alarmed.

Hyung, what are you doing! he mouths when Changbin moves his gaze to the floor.

Trust me, Minho mouths back. Changbin brings his gaze up again, jaw oddly tense, but doesn’t say anything even when Minho brings his finger to his own mouth and licks off the excess.

“You should try this, Changbin,” Minho says. “It’s yummy pancake flavor.”

“No thanks,” Changbin replies gruffly, grabbing onto Felix’s wrist. Wrist, not hand, and Felix’s chest tightens. “I don’t like pancakes.”

That’s a total lie, and they all know it, because that’s not what he said when he was doing the same thing to Felix. “Lix and I have to go now,” Changbin adds, and he’s pulling Felix out of the bookstore before any other shenanigans could occur.

They walk together in silence, Changbin’s grip a little painful on Felix’s wrist. It only worsens when they walk further, and Felix doesn’t even know where they’re headed.

“Hyung?” he calls softly. No response. “Changbin-hyung, you’re hurting me.”

Changbin blinks, and it feels like a spell breaking. His hand immediately lets go of Felix’s wrist, and Felix rubs the area with his other hand. It’s red.

“Aish, Lix, I’m so sorry,” Changbin apologizes, running a hand through his hair. “I... Lix, I didn’t mean to... are you okay?”

“I’m alright, hyung.” Felix frowns. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, it’s just...” Changbin rubs his arms, and Felix takes his hands and laces them with his own. “Sorry, I just got... jealous... when Minho-hyung touched you like that.”

Oof. Felix’s chest hurts.

“Hyung, you don’t have to be jealous,” he croons. “I’m all yours.”

Changbin squeezes his hands. “I know. Sorry for hurting your wrist.”

“You’ve already apologized for that,” Felix points out. “Really, you have nothing to worry about. I only like you, hyung.”

“...Why do you like me, then?” Changbin asks teasingly after a while. One of his hands lets go of Felix, and they start walking again. Felix recognizes it as the way to Changbin’s apartment. “Tell your hyung why you like him.”

“Well...” Felix begins, small smile on his face. Then it dawns on him—this is the perfect opportunity to execute step number three. His cheeks turn rosy in his excitement. What was it again? Lower your voice, lock eyes...

Felix clears his throat, stares into Changbin’s dark eyes. What was he supposed to say? Something alluring...?

“Um, your smile is like the morning, hyung,” Felix says, voice a little lower than he’s used to using. It makes his voice crack toward the end, and he reddens even more. Changbin chuckles at him.

“And what does that mean, Yongbokkie?” he asks, eyes mischievous. Felix groans.

“Hyung!” he whines, sliding his free hand down his face. “I don’t wanna tell you anymore.”

“Come on, Yongbok, you can tell your hyung,” Changbin chuckles. “What’s wrong, Yongbokkie? Your ears are red!”

Felix squirms and pouts and refuses to look at Changbin for a solid two minutes, but then Changbin nuzzles their cheeks together, and Felix feels his resolve collapse immediately.

He doesn’t want to kiss Changbin right now, because he’s being mean and he’s teasing Felix.

But this—Changbin tucking himself into Felix’s side and humming a cute little song in contentment—is fine. It’s warm and it’s comfortable, and Felix just wants to savor it for a little while. Maybe he’ll kiss Changbin some other time.

Yeah, Felix thinks when Changbin’s arm snakes around his waist. Some other time.

-

4. Consider asking for a kiss directly. If all else fails, go for broke and state your intentions. If your date hasn't picked up on any of your hints and you're dying to lock lips, you might as well be straightforward and just ask if you can kiss him or her.

-

It’s a quiet night in Felix’s apartment. He has Changbin over, and they’re bundled together under at least three of Felix’s blankets.

Tomorrow is Sunday—Changbin’s day off, and coincidentally, the one day where Felix has no appointments until the afternoon. Chan said he could come in late if he wanted, which is great, because Felix just wants to cuddle with Changbin until noon.

And maybe, you know. Kiss him. At some point.

It’s been around a week since Felix started his quest to smooch his boyfriend, and to be honest, he’s a little baffled by how little progress he’s made. It seems so easy and natural for everyone else that it’s making Felix frustrated. He just wants to kiss Changbin.

“Lix,” comes Changbin’s sleepy voice. “What do you want to watch next?”

Lost in thought, Felix hadn’t realized that Mulan had finished. The credits are rolling now, True To Your Heart playing softly through the speakers.

“Mmm, just pick anything,” Felix murmurs.

Changbin flicks absently through the Disney movies in Felix’s collection. His cheek is warm where it rests on Felix’s shoulder, and oh, Felix thinks, I wish we could stay like this forever.

“How about the Little Mermaid?” Changbin looks up at him. “I like the songs on this one.”

“Sure,” Felix says, because he loves jamming to Poor Unfortunate Souls. It’s the best Disney villain song and no one can convince him otherwise. He grabs one of the chocolates on the coffee table and munches on it as Changbin puts the movie on.

They don’t say anything to each other once it starts, and Felix is content to lace their fingers together in the dark. He loves moments like this. No words. Just each other’s arms. Changbin’s warmth, embracing him and making him feel safe. He spaces out and he thinks.

Sometimes it just hits him how lucky he is to have Changbin. Sometimes he can’t believe he still has Changbin. Because Felix is bad at Korean, and sometimes they don’t understand each other; because Felix is as difficult as a child sometimes, and not even Chan can put up with him; because Felix is forgetful, and he forgets to take care of himself and it worries everyone; because despite everything that Felix isn’t, Changbin still puts up with him and Changbin is still here, cuddling with him on the sofa and watching Disney movies with him even if he doesn’t understand them because they’re in English but he knows Felix loves them.

Lucky. Felix is lucky.

“Oh, I like this song,” Changbin comments, pulling Felix’s attention to the screen. It’s the scene where Ariel and Prince Eric are on the boat, drifting along a moonlit lagoon.

Felix didn’t realize how much of the movie had actually passed. The last time he paid attention, Ariel was marvelling at her new legs. But now Sebastian is crooning, and the beginning notes of Kiss The Girl drift lowly out of the speakers.

Changbin hums softly along to the deep thrum of Sebastian’s voice, and Felix looks at him and listens and Changbin sounds angelic, like someone up there decided that Felix deserved some kind of divine gift and here he is now, crooning along to Disney and snuggling into Felix’s side and making his heart feel full. Not for the first time Felix thinks he could spend forever like this, Changbin’s voice in his ears and his heart in Changbin’s hands.

Now’s your moment, Sebastian croons, and Felix is inclined to agree.

“Hyung, I’m so grateful I met you,” Felix whispers so low that he’s not sure that Changbin can hear him. And even if he does, it’s in English anyway, with the thickest accent Felix can manage just in case.

“What does that mean?” asks Changbin, eyes not leaving the screen. “You know I’m not that good at English yet.”

Yet, he says, and Felix’s heart clenches. It’s still so surreal to him that Changbin said he would try and learn an entire language just so he can understand when Felix wakes up in a cold sweat from nightmares, blabbering endlessly in words that Changbin doesn’t know. Lucky, Felix thinks again, pulling back so he can see more of Changbin.

“It means...” Felix breathes. Pauses. He can’t remember the word for kiss, but he wants Changbin’s lips on his right now, so he says it in English and hopes for the best.

“Can you give me...” Felix gulps. “Can you give me a kiss, hyung?”

”Kiss?” Changbin squints at him for a while. Realization dawns on his face, and he flashes Felix a warm smile. “Why didn’t you just say so in the first place?”

Something in Felix lightens. His heart is swollen and warm and beating and he can’t believe this is happening. He presses two fingers against his pulse and it’s there, he’s alive and he’s finally going to kiss Seo Changbin. Finally, after so many attempts, so many days of just wondering—

Changbin bends down.

Not toward Felix’s lips.

Not even anywhere near Felix’s face.

He bends down to the coffee table, and the loud rip of a plastic bag being opened fills the room. Felix suddenly feels struck.

“Here you go,” Changbin says, pressing a freshly unwrapped piece of Hershey’s Kisses into Felix’s mouth. It’s sweet and creamy on his tongue, and Changbin doesn’t even realize how much inner turmoil he’s putting Felix through. Felix’s jaw almost drops. Ariel and Eric are flipped off of the boat onscreen, and Felix feels like he’s just been tossed into the water along with them.

Felix is... devastated.

Not for the first time. But he’s still devastated.

Changbin is cluelessly turning his face back toward the TV, commenting on how Ariel should have just gone in for the kiss first. Felix agrees. Ariel should have just gone for the kiss first.

But now he just doesn’t have it in him.

This... was utter defeat.

-

5. Go in for the kiss. Don't waste any time once you have the go-ahead — close your eyes, lean in and smooch!

-

Felix doesn’t have the go-ahead.

But damn it all if he’s never going kiss Seo Changbin.

They’re at a DAY6 gig right now, music playing loudly through Wonpil’s cafe, because apparently it was someone’s birthday and admission was free. They all agreed to go together after their shops closed—they being the flower shop and tattoo shop employees plus Minho and Haneul—but they’d lost each other in the crowd at some point.

Felix is still with Changbin purely because he never lets go of Changbin’s hand. It’s kind of sweaty and gross because of the mass of bodies making the room feel ten times warmer, but he doesn’t want to lose his boyfriend.

“Lix, do you want to dance?” Changbin asks him, because he knows Felix loves dancing and he loves dancing with Felix, especially when they’re all crammed into Chan’s apartment on lazy days off and blasting TWICE through the speakers.

But Felix, for once, doesn’t want to dance. He wants to kiss Changbin, and maybe this time he should just ask for help.

“I’m kind of tired, hyung, but you can dance if you want,” Felix says. “I think Hyunjin is waiting for you somewhere.”

Changbin furrows his brows at Felix, because between the two of them Felix is the most likely to get jealous—especially of Hyunjin—and he usually wouldn’t just tell Changbin to dance with him like that. Felix knows already—that his insides are going to burn once Changbin starts stepping in time with Hyunjin—but he needs to distract Changbin somehow. Felix needs to scheme with Minho.

“...You’ve been weird for the past few days,” Changbin tells him. “What’s going on, Lix-yah?”

Felix waves his hands. “Nothing, hyung! Everything is fine.”

“Are you sure?” Changbin pauses. “You don’t usually... hand me over to Hyunjin like this.”

“It’s fine, hyung, I know you like me best,” says Felix in a sudden burst of confidence. “You can dance with him. I need to talk to Minho-hyung, anyway.”

Changbin frowns. “Minho-hyung again?”

Felix nods guiltily. He knows Changbin has gotten weirdly jealous of Minho ever since the pancake lip scrub incident, and texting Minho every day about his struggles on Operation Kiss Changbin hasn’t helped either, because Felix can’t tell Changbin what they’re talking about and it makes him upset, sometimes.

“I like you best, too, hyung,” Felix admits with a sheepish smile. “Don’t worry.”

It seems to placate Changbin at least a little, and Felix sighs in relief through his nose. Changbin bids him a short farewell before skulking off to find Hyunjin, and Felix feels kind of bad for making him leave like that. But Felix really can’t do this alone anymore. He pulls out his phone to text Minho once Changbin is safely out of sight.

> To: minHOE-hyung
> hyung i need help
> ...
> where r u?

> From: minHOE-hyung
> just a second lix
> i’m a little
> preoccupied,, wait for us in the booth next to the bathroom

Felix grimaces. He doesn’t have to ask to know who us is, but he wishes he didn’t. He drags himself to the aforementioned booth and ten minutes pass before he sees any trace of Minho.

“What’s up,” Minho says when he finally appears, settling into the booth across Felix. Jisung slides in after him, and Felix isn’t surprised one bit when they lean into each other.

“I heard you‘ve been trying to kiss Changbin-hyung,” Jisung comments. “It’s cute, but I hope you haven’t done something stupid like Google it.”

“I—I haven’t,” Felix denies. Minho opens his mouth, but Felix begs him with his eyes to not say a thing about the WikiHow article—which he only knows about because he went snooping through Felix’s phone when Felix hid in the bookstore for the second time. That was the day after the Hershey’s Kisses incident.

“Right,” Jisung says. “But how are you so bad at this that you still haven’t kissed him?”

“I don’t know,” Felix murmurs. To be honest, it’s almost as if there’s someone intentionally trying to mess with Felix’s chances of getting a kiss from Changbin.

“Felix asked Changbin to give him a kiss two days ago, but he forgot the word so he said it in English, and Changbin—“ Minho giggles. “—Changbin gives him one of those chocolates. You know the small ones?”

Minho faces Jisung and Felix sees those crescents that Jisung is always crying about. It’s nice. Then something in Felix twists because Changbin looks at Felix with that same warmth.

“You mean Hershey’s?” Jisung places a hand over his heart. “Felix, that’s so devastating.”

“I was devastated!” Felix pouts. “I honestly don’t even know if I’ll ever kiss him.”

“Sure you can, Lix.” Minho leans forward, palm beneath his cheek. “Sungie and I can help you. Right, Jisungie?”

There’s a different lilt to Minho’s voice, and Felix wants to vomit. “Hyung,” Felix whines. “Stop being gross.”

Minho ignores him, and leans into Jisung to whisper something in his ear. Jisung starts laughing when Minho leans away, and Felix doesn’t know how to feel.

“Okay, Lix,” Minho starts. “Listen...”

Minho proceeds to tell him about another one of his plans, and Felix can’t decide if it’s stupid or genius. He only agrees to it because... well, he really has nothing to lose at this point.

Felix finds Changbin laughing with Hyunjin near the edge of the crowd of people, and he tries to ignore the way something twists in his chest. Hyunjin eyes him knowingly.

“I’m gonna go, Changbinnie-hyung.” Hyunjin smirks. “I think I’ll go and find Junkyu.”

Bless you, Felix thinks. At least he didn’t have to shoo Hyunjin away himself. “I’m back, hyung,” he says, somewhat distractedly as he tries to find Minho and Jisung in the crowd.

“Hey,” Changbin says, not seeming to mind. “You feeling better?”

Felix blinks. Oh, right. He told Changbin he was tired.

“Yes, I’m, um, I’m fine,” Felix answers. “Hyung, do you want to—to maybe sit with me for a bit?”

“Sure?” Changbin raises a brow. He already looks suspicious, but Felix shakes it off. He grabs Changbin’s hand and leads him to the booth that Minho had singled out earlier.

Felix is restless. He bounces his leg, drums his fingers against the table, and he can’t look Changbin in the eye. Minho and Jisung are taking a really long time, and it’s making Felix nervous.

“...Lix,” Changbin calls. “Felix!”

“Huh?” Felix blinks. “Oh, um, sorry hyung.”

“Really, what’s with you?” Changbin sighs. “You’ve been really strange.”

“I... it’s probably me being spacey from my cold, hyung, I’ll, um, get better soon,” Felix says. It sounds stupid and he knows it, because the last time he had a cold was when Jisung wrestled him into the mud that one time. And that was several weeks ago. Changbin knows this, because he was watching—horrified—from the glass windows of the flower shop that day.

Changbin frowns. “Tell me the truth, Felix. I’m worried about you.”

“I really am fine,” Felix insists. Changbin doesn’t look like he believes him, but then something behind him catches Felix’s eye.

It’s Jisung, riding proudly on Minho’s shoulders as he holds a piece of mistletoe over Felix and Changbin’s heads. Felix’s eyes widen. Jisung wiggles his eyebrows. They told him they’d get the mistletoe, but they didn’t tell him that they’d do this.

How are people okay with this?

Is no one seeing this?

Felix gapes at them for long enough that Changbin has to follow his gaze. They stare at the mistletoe for several minutes and Felix grows redder by the second.

“Well?” Jisung pouts. “What are you waiting for?”

“We should set the mood first, Jisungie,” Minho whispers, tilting his head up. Then Jisung’s eyes light up, and then the two are grinning at each other like they aren’t planning anything good. Felix fills with dread.

There you see her, Jisung begins, Sitting there across the way.

She don’t got a lot to say, but there’s something about her, Minho continues, English rocky but confidence blazing. And you don’t know why, but you’re dying to try...

You wanna kiss the girl, they croon together.

“Oh my god,” Felix groans in English. This song! They might as well have just set Felix on fire, because that’s what it feels like.

“Felix?” comes Changbin’s voice. “What’s this?”

Felix can’t pinpoint why he does it. Maybe it’s because Changbin looks like he’s in shell shock. Maybe it’s because Felix is embarrassed. Maybe it’s because he’s scared. But he doesn’t explain a thing before he shoots up and out of his seat and sprints the fuck out of Wonpil’s cafe like his life depends on it.

He doesn’t know where he’s headed. He just knows he needs to leave.

So he does.

-

6. ???

-

Felix’s legs have started to ache before he stops running and someone crashes into him, and he almost doesn’t recognize the face from how blurry his vision is. It takes him a while to register what’s going on with his body, and—

Oh. He’s crying.

“...Lix!” calls a voice. Cool fingers press against Felix’s overwarm cheeks. He blinks away his tears and there he sees Changbin, face pale from running after him so hard and breathing heavy, only twelve centimeters away from Felix’s twisted lips.

“What’s wrong, Felix?” Changbin asks, wiping his tears away with his thumbs. “You’re scaring me. You’ve been so weird lately and I don’t know what to do.”

Felix sees his face, eyebrows knitted together and lips twisted into a frown, and he cries harder because it’s stupid, it’s so stupid, that he’s crying right now because he chickened out of kissing his boyfriend, and because it’s made Changbin worry so much about him that they’re doing whatever this is right now.

“I’m sorry,” Felix whimpers. “I don’t know what I’m doing, I’m sorry.”

“Shhh, jagiya, it’s going to be okay,” Changbin coos, bringing Felix’s head down to rest against his shoulders. Fingers card through Felix’s hair, and he instantly feels warmer. Safer. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Felix sniffles. He doesn’t answer for a few minutes until his breathing evens out, and he presses his palms against Changbin’s back as if afraid to let him go.

“I’m sorry I was being weird,” Felix sobs. “I just.. I wanted...”

“What is it, Lix? What do you want?” asks Changbin, voice soft. “You can tell your hyung.”

Felix starts sobbing into Changbin’s jacket again, and Changbin rubs soothing circles into his back even if he doesn’t understand why Felix is crying, or why he ran in the first place.

“Is it because of Jisung and Minho-hyung?” Changbin says. “They asked me to tell you they’re sorry.”

“No, no.” Felix shakes his head. “They were trying to help.”

“Help with what, Felix?” Changbin urges a little, squeezing Felix’s shoulder with one hand. Felix still feels like crying, and he’s so embarrassed now, that he’s not sure if he can tell Changbin the truth.

“Did they—did they not tell you?” Felix mumbles.

“No, they didn’t,” answers Changbin, and Felix breathes a sigh of relief. He doesn’t know what he would have done if Jisung and Minho had told him.

“You like me, right hyung?” Felix’s voice cracks. “Can we forget about this happening?”

“Lix, I would do anything for you,” Changbin sighs. “But I hope trying to forget this won’t make you regret anything.”

Felix shakes his head. He just wants to go home and sleep and cuddle and feel warm again. He laces his fingers with Changbin’s, and his lips tremble when he tries to speak.

“Can we go home?” he says softly. “I want... cuddles.”

“Of course, jagiya.” Changbin pauses. He turns his head to the side and when he looks back up at Felix it’s with shining eyes and lips twisted in anticipation. “I’m going to kiss you, okay, Lix?”

Felix’s eyes widen, and before he knows it Changbin’s lips are on his, and suddenly they’re kissing.

Kissing.

And Changbin initiated it.

Felix’s lips part when they disconnect. He feels fried. Like he’s just short-circuited. That... that really just happened. And Felix didn’t even do anything. He’s... devastated.

Kisses just happen, Jisung had told him. Is this what he meant?

A long, drawn-out groan erupts from Felix’s throat, and he sinks to the ground in a crouching heap. He can’t believe this. He can’t believe this. He can’t just... WHY.

“Felix?” comes Changbin’s panicked voice. “Yongbokkie?”

Felix yells into his knees.

“Was that not okay?” Changbin worries, crouching down to meet Felix. “Lix, I’m sorry if it wasn’t okay.”

“You...” Felix breathes. “You kissed me.”

“I did,” Changbin admits. “Was I... wrong?”

“Yes!” Felix sighs, hands in his hair. “I was supposed to kiss you first!”

Changbin’s mouth falls open. “Are you alright?”

”No,” Felix grunts. He’s scowls at Changbin. Then he inhales. There’s no point in hiding it now, because Changbin’s already kissed him. “Hyung... I’ve been weird this past week because I’ve been trying to kiss you.”

“Oh.” Changbin’s eyebrows raise.

“That was, um, that was why Minho-hyung and Jisungie had the mistletoe,” Felix mutters. “I really wanted to kiss you, hyung.”

“You’ve kissed me now,” Changbin points out, brushing a lock of hair out of Felix’s face. Felix pouts.

“That doesn’t count, hyung,” he whines. “I wanted to kiss you myself.”

Felix huffs into his sleeves. He feels robbed, honestly, and he just wants to sulk for a little while.

“Kiss me, then,” Changbin says, eyes averted.

“What?” Felix blinks.

“Kiss me,” repeats Changbin. “Let’s just re-do our first kiss. This time, you start it.”

!!!!

“Really, hyung?” Felix gasps.

“Really.” Changbin nods, cheeks a little rosy. Maybe from the air. Maybe from something else. And then he’s bringing Felix’s small fingers up to his cheeks—a prompt to cup them—and Felix grasps them lightly, almost as if he’s scared he’ll break.

Felix starts trembling when their foreheads touch, because Changbin is so close now, and Felix has never seen his dark eyes at this angle. Changbin’s warm breath fans over Felix’s lips, and Felix feels something in him rush.

Their lips touch. Their eyes shut. Changbin’s lips are slightly chapped but they’re warm and there’s a hand cupping Felix’s jaw, and that’s warm, too, and Felix feels electric in all the places that their skin meet.

He suddenly understands why there’s so much hype about kissing. If every time feels like this, Felix never wants to stop.

But breathing, it turns out, is a Thing, and eventually he has to separate himself from Changbin before they drown in each other. Felix stares into his dark eyes for what feels like forever, and then Changbin pulls him up by the arm.

“Let’s watch some Disney movies,” Changbin says, already tugging Felix to the direction of his apartment.

“Okay,” Felix mumbles, because he feels electric and dazed even after several minutes have passed because he kissed Seo Changbin. He kissed Seo Changbin, and now he lives with the knowledge that he can do it over and over again, whenever he wants, because he’s Seo Changbin’s boyfriend and boyfriends can kiss.

Changbin’s smile is warm when he turns to face Felix, and Felix’s heart swells so much that it feels too big for his chest.

He kisses the corner of Changbin’s mouth and thinks, how did I ever think this was hard?

Sure, Felix’s fingers tremble when they touch. Sure, Felix’s pulse picks up when Changbin’s breath fans over his cheeks.

But it’s not hard.

It’s easy, even if Felix is always red. He doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to stop that.

Even two weeks later Felix still flushes rose down to the neck for every second that their lips touch in every private moment that they share, but that’s nobody’s business. Because Changbin still kisses him and smiles at him and holds him in his arms, so what does Felix have to worry about?

Nothing, that’s what.