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Neil awoke to feather-light kisses pressed against his neck. He opened his eyes to see Andrew, so close he could count his lashes. The sunlight streaming in from the window made his hair almost gold. Neil still found himself amazed at what his life had become, that he was lucky enough to have Andrew in it.
“Happy Birthday.” Andrew’s voice was still heavy with sleep. Neil leaned forward to kiss his nose before the two of them got out of bed to get dressed.
Besides having to attend a couple classes, Andrew convinced Neil that today should be his day to relax. Andrew even went so far as to threaten ask Kevin to cancel practice today, and then Nicky jumped on board.
“We can throw a party for him! Come on, Kevin, everyone would rather do that than go to practice,” Nicky had said.
Kevin raised his eyebrows. “Even Neil?”
Nicky’s smile faltered for a moment before brightening again. “I’ll go check right now.”
Neil had been confused. “Why don’t we just watch a movie after practice like normal?”
Behind Nicky, Andrew looked at the ceiling and sighed out a “fucking junkie”.
“It’s your birthday!” Nicky insisted. “That deserves more than just a movie! I can run to the store and get a cake. Allison will help too.”
“But I don’t need-“
“Neil. Please. I insist. Let me do this as a gift to you. I promise you won’t regret it.”
Neil considered. He had been attending therapy sessions since the start of his sophomore year as a deal with Andrew to get Andrew to smoke less frequently, though he still didn’t like being with Bee alone, and he dragged Andrew along. She had told him to work on letting others do things for him, even if he didn’t need it, to show appreciation for them. He sighed and nodded.
“Thank you thank you thank you! Oh this is going to be great.” He hugged Neil quickly and left.
Andrew looked at Neil in the silence that was always left in Nicky’s absence. “He’s going to ask what flavor cake you want.”
With a private smile to Andrew, Neil said “Whatever flavor you want.” Andrew turned and left before he could look too long at the contentment in Neil’s eyes.
Now it was 6 pm, and Allison was in Neil’s dorm ruffling through his shirts. “I thought you said Andrew took you shopping,” she frowned.
“He did. All the ones he picked are on the left.”
` Allison looked to the black mass of fabric on the left and at Neil, who merely offered a shrug. “You’re hopeless,” she muttered before grabbing her keys and leaving as suddenly as she came. Before the door slammed, she called out “I’ll be back in thirty minutes!”
For the next thirty minutes, without the usual need to get ready for practice and not bored enough to do homework, Neil sat on his bed and watched the Office, a show that Dan had recommended to him, which he secretly chuckled at. Allison threw the door open once more and tossed a green sweater and a pair of faded jeans at Neil. “Come to my dorm when you’re done.” She whirled away again after Neil cried out a startled thanks and closed the door behind her.
As always, the clothed fit perfectly. Neil still wasn’t sure how Allison had a sixth sense for knowing everyone’s clothing sizes without asking. When he walked into the girls’ dorm and saw paper streamers lining the walls and hurriedly-made food over the kitchen counters, he couldn’t help his smile. Moments like these made him realize how far he’d come. This unlikely, broken group of people, his family, loved him. They let him in and because of them, Neil was still alive. He was more alive than he had ever been.
He went around and hugged everyone, thanking them and sharing laughs. When he came to Andrew, Neil planted a kiss on his forehead. Nicky had the audacity to say “Awww,” which as quickly shut up by a stomp on the toes from Andrew.
Neil looked around once more. “Where’s Aaron?” Nicky’s smile faltered. Andrew shrugged. “I don’t control him.” Neil and Aaron had been getting along better lately. They no longer fought, instead opting to just ignore each other. Occasionally, they would do their math homework together. That was it. Neil wished he had a closer relationship with his boyfriend’s brother.
Dan brought out a cake and they sang to Neil. Andrew didn’t sing, but Neil didn’t miss the slight twitch of his lips when the song finished and Neil blew out 20 candles, which he never thought he would live to do. As they mingled and ate cake (except for Kevin), there was a knock on the door. Neil opened it to find a red-faced Aaron looking at his feet and waited for Aaron to do something.
Swallowing, Aaron looked at Neil’s face, not quite making eye contact. “Hey… can I talk to you for a minute?”
“Of course…” Neil glanced back at Andrew, wondering if he knew what was going on, but Andrew merely shrugged before cutting another piece of cake.
Neil followed Aaron out into the hall, shutting the door behind him. The quiet only amplified the tension between the two. Aaron cleared his throat. “You’ve been-“ He rubbed the back of his neck. “Listen I just…”
Neil raised his eyebrows expectantly. Aaron looked at the ceiling and swore under his breath. “God. Okay.” Another deep breath. “It’s your birthday, or whatever, and I just wanted to. Thank you.” Neil couldn’t have tried to say anything if he tried, he was so shocked. “I know I haven’t been the best at welcoming or accepting you, but. We’ve had hard lives.” Aaron’s eyes flicked to the girls’ dorm door, where Andrew was. “I’ve always just wanted him to be okay, and. Well, you didn’t make that easy last year.”
Neil tried to hide his snort, only earning a glare from Aaron. “Andrew is happier than I’ve ever seen him. He’ll never admit it, but I can tell he trusts you. So… thanks for giving him that.”
Neil’s eyes definitely weren’t stinging. He started to smile, and Aaron’s eyes darkened. “If you tell anyone about this, I swear I’ll break your arms.”
“I won’t,” Neil promised. “Thanks, Aaron. I appreciate it.” It wasn’t exactly friendship, but it was a step in the right direction. Neil stuck out his hand and Aaron reluctantly shook it. “You’re welcome to come have some cake with us, if you want.”
“Oh, I uh… Katelyn’s over right now, I don’t know if…”
“She can come too.” Neil assured. Aaron nodded his head and before Neil turned back to head to the girls’ dorm, he thought he saw Aaron smile.
“Where’d you go?” Allison asked as Neil walked back in.
“That was Aaron. I think he’s gonna bring Katelyn over later on.”
Someone put in a movie and Neil settled against Andrew on the couch. Andrew turned his head and Neil fought down shivers as he spoke against his ear. “You managed not to kill each other?”
Neil smiled. “Yeah, I think he’s starting to like me.” He looked at Andrew and remembered Aaron’s words. “I’m glad you’re here.” It came out as a whisper. Andrew would know what he meant. Not just here at the party, here at PSU. Here in Neil’s life, in his arms every night, in his thoughts and dreams.
Andrew rolled his eyes and responded, “You’re an idiot,” before leaning in to press a kiss to Neil’s scarred cheek.
If anyone saw the grateful smiles passed between Aaron and Neil later on in the night when he arrived, no one commented. And if Andrew felt contentment over the progress between the two people he loved most in the world, know one would ever have to know.