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There was an unspoken truth between the two of them. Oz knew it. Qrow knew it. Hell, everyone (in their inner circle) knew it. But Ozpin and Qrow never dared to say it outloud – never dared to admit it. Years ago, it had been the cause of great frustration. Glynda had approached Ozpin many times, but Ozpin would just give a small, sad smile, often not saying a word. There may have been a time when James had approached Qrow – he may have even ended up cornering Qrow, really. Or, at least, that’s how Qrow may have felt if such an event really did occur.
“What are you getting at here, Jimmy?” Qrow would have sneered in response, if he had been pushed too far. “As if...” a frustrated hand combed through his graying hair, “Look, honestly, what could come out of it?”
And, if it had happened, if James had cornered Qrow to pry out a confession, James Ironwood would have paused, would have thought, and would have felt so silly, that he would have just stood there, stunned into silence. It had seemed so simple at first. Just to live this truth. Living truth should be simple.
But it never was with adults. And, being in the inner circle, they should have known that best of all.
Bartholomew Oobleck always wondered, as he watched the two of them, how they could interact this way. It was so obvious. The way Qrow would pester Ozpin like some schoolboy crush. The immature stunts he would pull on the man – continually pestering him with inconsequential trivia and questions, even taking away the headmaster’s hot chocolate, tea, or coffee (le gasp) and raising his brow as if to say, ‘Come and get it.’ It wasn’t attention seeking – no, it was only on the days when Ozpin would work a little too hard, just a little too long. It was just on the days when the lines around Ozpin’s lips were a little more pronounced, the bags under his eyes just a little more dark.
Bartholomew always wondered as he saw Ozpin smile back with all the patience in the world. Sometimes, he would chide Qrow with a stern voice, but everyone knew. The way Ozpin’s eyes danced whenever Qrow was around causing mischief or otherwise. The way Ozpin’s shoulders seemed to relax as soon he heard the other man’s voice. The fact Qrow got away scotch free with so much – Oobleck knew Qrow worked under Ozpin very closely, but sometimes, Oobleck would think as he watched Glynda merge together broken school bits, the stunts that he pulled were absolutely ridiculous.
Bartholomew always wondered, as he saw how sometimes Ozpin’s hand would linger on Qrow’s shoulder after a long day and say, “Good job,” and how on other days, their fingers would brush and stay for far too long when Qrow handed Ozpin his coffee. He always wondered, when he saw how Ozpin would look longingly at Qrow when watching the scythe wielder on his school surveillance cameras, and how Qrow would look longingly at Ozpin when he just thought no one was looking – Bartholomew thought, really, how could they possibly interact this way and not be together?
But they were together. They were together when Qrow would give his mission reports to Ozpin. They were together when they went out to eat from time to time. They were together, as Qrow would take Ozpin’s hand and drag him into Emerald Forest on a not-date and say with a smirk, “When’s the last time you got out and fought, old man?” and took on Grimm after Grimm after Grimm until they passed out safely on high grounds, laughing joylessly, looking towards the bright, endless sky.
They were together. And yet, they were not together.
Because sometimes being an adult isn’t easy. Sometimes, being an adult means making hard decisions.
So it was convenient to stay quiet. To keep whatever this truth was, buried deep inside them. To keep it hidden, to keep it safe. To keep them safe. Because, honestly, what could have come out of it?
“I’ll be entrusting this to you when I’m away,” Ozpin had told Qrow many years ago in confidence, before truths were ever so truthful. “So, make sure you find me when it’s time.” The heartbreak in Qrow’s eyes during the whole conversation had been so raw, Ozpin hurt, but his last trusted confident had died, and he needed someone when his time came again, and Qrow was…Qrow was…
“I won’t let you down,” Qrow had said with conviction, his voice thick. His eyes never did leave Ozpin’s. And Ozpin smiled at Qrow, and they both fell harder.
And Qrow meant what he said. He fought mission after mission after mission. Even when his first niece was born and Raven bailed town, he still made sure he never let Ozpin down. Even when his second niece was born, and Summer…, and Taiyang just fell apart, he still kept making sure everything for Ozpin was taken care of. It wasn’t easy, but that was what scrolls and a little bit of magic were for, right? Kids didn’t even break one bone on Yang’s little exploring stunt, but Qrow knew that he couldn’t leave that up to chance again, so he got a part time job at Signal, which, as luck would have it, worked well as a cover up job. It was doubly hard, but Qrow still made time. Still tried.
And then there were other times. Just secret little moments that no one knew. They weren’t truth, no. They were just little moments stolen in secret, something a bit more than lingering fingers on mugs and longing stares at computer screens.
Qrow’s mind was hazy. Something felt good. Felt more than good. A hand went through his hair. It felt nice. A quiet, melodic voice, like a murmur, no. A hum. Someone was humming.
Ah, he must have fell asleep. What was going on? Oh yeah, wasn’t he out fighting Grimm with Ozpin? Then they had finished. Then there was laughter and Qrow pointed out a cloud that looked strangely like a Beowolf doing that strange t-pose that was all the rage with kids these days…
Should he open his eyes?
No, came a strong inner thought. Not yet.
The hand through his hair started petting him in a different way, and a quiet, higher pitch noise came from within Qrow’s throat. Ah, how embarrassing. The hand paused, and the humming stopped. Qrow forced himself to relax (Since when had he tensed up?). No one moved.
Then the hand tentatively started moving through his hair once again, just a little bit, and then a little more. Qrow unconsciously nuzzled his nose deeper into the unknown softness the side of his face was laying on. It smelled of forest rain, wool, and just a tad of hot chocolate. A soft chuckle was heard.
It felt more than good. It felt right.
Moments stolen. Truths not lived.
Was that what their lives had come down to?
But it was okay. It had to be okay. Taiyang was getting better. Yang and Ruby started to grow up, and bless those girls, they really took after Taiyang and Qrow. Ruby begged Qrow to teach her how to wield a scythe, and Qrow found himself staying more and more in Patch.
After all, why waste time living in untruth?
But it was that untruth, that untruth that kept them together. Because, it was either that or nothing. Because, the truth didn’t really exist, you see? And being together, and yet, not together, was better than nothing.
So Qrow started balancing his time a little more, coming around Beacon Tower and doing more scouting missions. And Glynda, Bartholomew, and Peter saw the difference it made in a particular individual.
And then James came around. And James saw the truth. Everyone saw the truth. But James didn’t know that the truth was unspoken, unlived, that they were living this untruth.
So, a few months later, when Qrow had left a meeting first to start his scouting mission, and James had mentioned afterwards in passing about how he could see why Ozpin’s partner’s was such a good spy, Ozpin choked on his tea. Glynda then took out the time to explain to James that those “two infuriating idiots are not together”. James had started blushing and apologizing profusely, while also shocked that Glynda had said such a thing in front of her boss, only to get shocked again when she went on to continue, stating, “Oh, it’s totally understandable on your end. Those two have been making googly eyes at each other for years. It’s sickening. We just wish they would both grow a pair and get together already.”
“Glynda,” Ozpin had pleaded, his face pleasantly pink. Glynda smirked, all teeth.
“We have a bet amongst the faculty, James, if you’d like to join in…”
Some people might consider it torture, living untruth. But Ozpin had lived thousands of years in secrets, in misery, in feeling all alone on his mission from the Gods. Qrow had grown up his whole life feeling unwanted, unloved, more than useless – a burden to everyone. So this untruth – they could live it. It gave them happiness. And that was something, which was better than nothing.
They were still together, and yet, not together, when Qrow came back with Amber in his arms, Ozpin running over, and Glynda immediately calling James.
They were still together, and yet, not together, when Ruby and Yang started Beacon. Ozpin had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing when he saw on camera that Ruby crashed into black bird that possessed an incredible inclination of bad luck.
They were still together, and yet, not together when a young, talented girl of seventeen was introduced in a world much too dark and Ozpin looked to him for support, and Qrow was there to give it.
And then it was just Qrow. It was just Qrow, when he came back after the Fall of Beacon to retrieve a cane from a cold hand smeared with blood. “So, make sure you find me when it’s time,” a voice haunted Qrow’s dreams, along with screams, departing white cloaks, silver eyes with burning white light, and giant Wyverns turned to stone.
“I won’t let you down,” Qrow muttered often, whether it was in his sleep or during the day.
And then, suddenly, they were together. And yet, they were not together, when Qrow sat at a bar and was approached by a young farm boy. Qrow’s heart - it soared. And it screamed. And it hurt. And it swelled. Qrow had found him.
But Qrow didn’t just find Ozpin. Qrow also found Oscar.
To protect others, to protect oneself, sometimes one finds it convenient to stay quiet. To keep whatever the truth is, buried deep inside. To keep it hidden, to keep it safe. To keep everyone safe. Because, honestly, what could have come out of it?
Before Ozpin and Qrow lived an untruth. An untruth they lived to keep them together, and yet, not together. An untruth that kept them happy, that kept them safe. And now, their untruth became the new truth.
Ozpin and Qrow continued on to live this new truth. Living truth should be simple. But it never is with adults.
Because sometimes being an adult isn’t easy. Sometimes, being an adult means making hard decisions.
Because sometimes adults makes mistakes. Sometimes it’s too late, and you can’t take those mistakes back.
And sometimes on those bad nights, when the alcohol coursed through his veins, and he sat alone in Brunswick Farms or when he laid on the front porch steps of the Cotta-Arc’s, Qrow wondered if nothing was better.