Chapter Text
It gets repetitive after a while; all the dying and coming back. The ripping of flesh, chocking on my own blood, watching my bones snap. You get numb to it all after a while. Rolling out of bed, my last death still fresh in my mind from the night before like a vivid nightmare, but I knew it was more than just a nightmare, it was so much worse than a nightmare. Last night was a gruesome death; I had been walking home from the comic book store (I don’t ever buy any comics, they’re just fun to read) and I hear some shouts from an alley. Now, I don’t dress up in my super hero costume anymore but that doesn’t mean I don’t try to help people. It was one women against two grown men. Once the men turned and looked at me, their attention all mine, she fled and it was just me against them and as you can probably infer, it didn’t end so well for me.
Stretching my back and reminding myself that today was a new day, and I had a test third period. The almost expired bread in the pantry was calling my name for breakfast, but as I was making my way to my closet something in my reflection caught my eye and stole my breath. I had a red gash on my cheek, deep and fresh, exactly where I was injured the night before. I shot my hand up to feel my cheek, expecting to be met with an open wound but it was smooth, there was nothing there. It was only in my reflection? That was… new.
Before I could start spiraling, my sister barged into my room while I was standing dumbfounded in front of the mirror. “Hey kenny I’m riding with Trica to school so you don’t have to walk me to the b- what are you doing?”
I had spun around the second she started talking and she only really looked up from her phone (the phone I had spent a whole summer working overtime to buy her) and saw me just then. “W-” I swallowed my panic and tried again, trying to not sound terrified “What do you mean..?”
She rolled her eyes, “I mean your bus comes in ten minutes and you aren’t even dressed yet.” Then her expression changed’ “You aren’t high right now right, cause 6:50’s too early for that shit, even for you.”
I should have felt relieved that she couldn’t see, I should have right, so why was I disappointed? “No I’m not high. I bought fruit snacks for you to take to school, I put them behind the old coffee beans.” She seemed satisfied enough after I said that so after giving me a happy ‘thanks’ she was out my door.
I took one last look at my reflection, feeling slightly horrified and shoved my hood up, it almost covered it completely. Almost.
I had never really seen the aftermath of the painful deaths I experience. Seeing my face mutilated like that… I couldn’t dwell on it.
The ride on the bus was pretty painless. No one my age really rides the bus to school anymore, the only kids from my grade that still ride it are Butters, Bradley Biggle and me. The ones whose parents don’t wanna break a buck to buy us a car. Butters parents flat out refused to pay for his drivers ed. On the bright side it means Butters is the first person I talk to every day, that’s a pretty good way to start any day if you ask me. He was waiting for me on our usual seat, wearing his usual happy grin, probably listening to his usual morning playlist. Because it was a usual, normal, uneventful day in South Park, I had to keep reminding myself that.
I plopped down beside him and he plucked out his right ear bud to give to me so we could listen to his music together. We had a system, Monday’s, Wednesday’s, Friday’s we’d listen to his music and Tuesday and Thursday we’d listen to mine, well the music I downloaded on his phone. His music wasn't bad it was just… Different from mine.
“Good Morning Ken!” Butter greeted brightly. “Hey butters. Are you still grounded?” I asked around my parka. “Afraid so, but if you wanna come over I can tell my dad you’re just coming over to help with Friday’s quiz in math.” Butters said, smiling warmly at me.
He’s gotten better at handling the groundings, now he’s learned how to sneak out and sneak people (mostly me) into his room, and he’s gotten better at lying to his parents too, he’s really grown up. Well… as grown up as a 17 year old who still listens to Disney music. “Yeah okay, I’ll come over sometime after school.” “Sure thing!”
The rest of the bus ride went by without much talking, I leaned my head on his shoulder and rested my eyes. Yes rested my eyes, not fell asleep. The nights after dying I never get very much rest. Butters didn’t mind, he never does when I lean on him.
The day was pretty much uneventful, almost a perfectly average day. I kept running my hand over the spot where the mirrors showed a gash, but I didn’t feel anything. The heater was broken, not broken in the way that it didn’t work, no. It was broken in the way that it was going on full power and the prankster who did it ruined the AC so it didn’t run at all. Teachers were opening all the windows that opened (there were locks put on all the windows that couldn’t get taken off after a window thief harassed South Park during my freshman year). Rumor has it that the reason for messing with the AC was so that the girls would take off their big coats and the boys would get to see Bebe’s hooters.
I had to admit, I was perfectly fine with the heat, all the girls were walking around in their T shirts or tank tops and honestly, it was not a bad view. Not at all. Well I was fine with it, until I had to unzip my parka.
I’ve gotten more casual about taking off my hood, I still don’t do it hardly ever at school but I will if I’m just at a friends house or at home. So I was fine with my jacket unzipped and my hood down, except in every reflection I saw of myself the giant gash stood out, ugly and bold and and exposed. But not exposed, he had to remind himself. Not exposed to anyone but him, he was fine.
I still felt uncomfortable seeing myself like that so I put up my hood, my jacket still wasn’t zipped and you could see most of my face, it hid the worst of injury. I waited for Butters outside his classroom, everyone else in his class had left already. I peeked into his classroom to find him on the floor, helping one of his classmates pick up his books and papers she’d dropped.
A warm smile spread across his face and I leaned against the door frame, I would have helped but they were picking up the last of her papers. Butters hopped up and practically skipped over to me. “How was class Ken?” He asked me cheerfully, looking ahead. So I went on a rant about how hot it was for a good 4 minutes, ending it with “but you could totally see Red’s black bra through her shirt dude, probably the best day I’ve had in English all year.”
Butters turned his head to respond, probably to scold me but I would never hear his scolding because the second he turned towards me his face went white and he stopped in his tracks, dropping all the book he was carrying. I looked over at him but he was just staring at me, white as a sheet.
I was about to ask him what was wrong when he rushed towards me, cupping my face. He wasn’t looking in my eyes, he was looking at the side of my face. “Kenny what in the world happened? Are you okay? Of course you aren’t okay! How did this happen? We gotta rush you to the hospital, or the nurse or… or something!” As he frantically spoke I started to put the pieces together, he was looking right at where I was hurt last night, right where I knew if I looked in the mirror I’d see a big gash.
Butters grabbed my hand, I assume to pull me to the nurses office so that she could call an ambulance but I stood firm, planting my feet so that no matter how hard he pulled, he wouldn’t be able to pull me anywhere. He spun around, fear and tears in his eyes. “Ken-”
“Can you see it…?” I could barely speak above a whisper, almost hoping he wouldn't hear and I was imagining it all. Almost wishing he could see, let me not be alone in this anymore. Most of all I was just afraid. Butters face went from confused to angry to sad and confused, “What do you mean “can I see it” your covered in blood! We gotta get you help right now!” He tried to pull me again but once again I stood my ground.
“Kenny-”
“Butters no one else can see it. It doesn’t exist to anyone else.” When he still looked like he didn’t believe anything I said I grabbed his hand and brought it up to where the invisible injury was, ignoring the way he flinched when his fingers touched where the gash should be. His face settled into confusion when he felt nothing but normal skin. He moved closer and brought both hands up, running them both other my cheek.
A group of students were walking by and I realized what we must like, standing in the middle of the hallway inches apart with his hands on my face. I coughed to try and get his attention and when that didn’t work I took his hands in mine, both bring them away from my face and down at our sides.
He looked like he was going to say something so I spoke instead. “I can explain just… later.. The guys are gonna be wondering where we are if we don’t get to lunch soon.” He still looked unsure and like he was gonna resist so, without letting go of his hand, I started walking towards the lunch room. He followed without a thought.
He only gave any resistance once we were about to walk into the cafeteria. He tugged our hands so that it stopped me from entering. “Wait Ken, won’t they… well won’t they see your..the um.. Won’t they see?” I put on my most gentle smile but the scared worry in his face didn’t waver. “Leo, no ones noticed yet. No ones noticed all day, not even my sister. We’re gonna be fine. I’ll be fine.”
When he still didn’t look convinced I pulled us by our joined hands into the lunch room. Butters kept glancing around but I just strutted forward, not taking my eyes away from our destination. As we got closer Butters leaned over to me, “This is crazy.” He whisper yelled. This was definitely not the craziest thing I’ve ever done. Instead of saying anything back, I just squeezed his hand.
I say down casually, with Butters following suit, looking at each of their reactions to me, or rather their lack of reaction. “Hey Kenny, Butters where were you guys?” Stan asked after we both sat down. “Probably making out in the janitors closet.” “Shut up fat-”
“DO NONE OF YOU GUYS NOTICE ANYTHING?!” Butters interrupted before Kyle could finish his insult. The whole table just stared at him while I was mentally face planting. “Jesus, what crawled up you vigina?” Deciding to save Butters from saying anything too stupid I stood up and pulled him with me, walking out in the hall claiming he was just cranky cause he was hungry and left his lunch in his locker.
Once we were safe in the hall and away from anyone who could over hear us I rounded on him. “Why did you say that? They don’t know, they can’t see. If you keep blabing on like that someone's gonna lock you in the loony bin!” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. He didn’t understand how deep this goes, how serious it really is. Or maybe he did how the hell would I know.
“Look Butters, I know this is all really weird and… confusing but just bare with me. Please. I promise I’ll explain everything soon, or I’ll explain everything I know… I’m sorry you got wrapped up in this crazy mess Leo…” I looked up and was surprised to see Butters had tears in his eyes and was looking like he was about to break down into a sob.
I didn’t really know what to do,the only person I’ve ever really comforted is my sister. I guess sometimes when Stan gets wasted I’ll pat his back or talk him through whatever nonsense his drunken mind is obsessing over. This was… different though. Butters was more than a drunk out of his mind Stan and he was definitely different from my sister.
I put my arms around him, pulling him in a semi-awkward hug in the middle of this abandoned hallway. That seemed to do the trick, at least enough for him to calm down after about 2 minutes of just hugging and rubbing circles in his back he finally said, “I just… I don’t understand.. How come no one else can see? How long has that been there? Why is it there? Have you…. Are you a ghost…”
At his last words I almost broke into a laugh. Not that it was funny just.. I mean am I a ghost? I don’t think so but I’m pretty damn close. I pulled away a little and lifted his chin up with my hand. “Hear I can um.. Explain everything just,” I sighed, there was no way he’d be able to make it through the school day. “Here let’s skip. We can go to your house and I’ll explain this whole mess.”
I knew it was rude to invite myself over like that but my parents don’t exactly leave the house, it’s not like they have steady jobs or anything. ‘In between jobs’ as they put it, but Moms waitressing job doesn’t exactly rack in the cash and Dad doesn’t work at all anymore.
Butters looked unsure still though. “Come on, I know it’s not the first time you’ve skipped school and if you get grounded I’ll take the blame” Though he still didn’t look 100% convinced, he took my hand andway and lead me to the doors.
The whole walk to his house was awkward and quiet. Butters never let go of hand and he was biting his lip the whole way, he look uh, worried to say the least. Once his front door closed behind us he turned on his heels and looked at me. He looked scared and sad and honestly a little mad, which didn’t make sense since it was my face that was fucked up. “Okay Leo,” I started, this was a conversation I was not looking forward to. But maybe it’ll be worth it, to tell someone and them actually believe me (well besides Cartman but… that’s another story all together). “You might want to sit down, this might take a while”