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Since the birth of Roxas, Saïx had an increasing amount of time alone.
He had had a fair amount of time alone before Roxas, of course, but it was peppered with moments in which Axel lingered around the edge of his spatial occupancy. Sulking around the edges of the Gray Area, dawdling after group meetings, even the occasional prolonged standing outside his private quarters without speaking or actively alerting Saïx of his presence before disappearing abruptly. All of these things were routine occurrences in their continued cohabitation. After Roxas, they seemed to fade out of Axel’s routine before they stopped all together.
The last moment, shortly after Roxas had been brought into the fold, Saïx had been resting in his bed when Axel entered without knocking and stood over his prone form for at least an hour. Saïx thought perhaps Axel had come to alert to some disturbance, but he just stood there. Staring.
Saïx had considered letting Axel know he was awake but he was rather curious to know what exactly Axel was doing in his room in the middle of the night when he thought Saïx was unconscious. When he did nothing, Saïx was confused.
He had examined Axel’s actions again and again in his mind since then but could come up with no explanation. He set aside the mystery and focused on his tasks at hand.
Now Axel was becoming a rare sight to Saïx outside of regular mission briefings and the few times Saïx actively sought Axel out for more private discussions.
Saïx’s sources told him that Axel’s free time was spent either with Roxas in Twilight Town or alone in his room. More frequently, the former.
Initially, Saïx understood this time spent with Roxas as part of their plan. Axel would take Roxas under his wing, mold his placid character into something that would become useful to them when the time was right. But as Axel’s time with Roxas increased, Saïx noticed the shift in Axel’s demeanor: Axel was less forthcoming with information, he showed less initiative in their extra curricular affairs, and he became easily agitated when given orders.
Overall, these changes were concerning. It was almost like it was Roxas, not Axel, who was doing the molding.
Which was too preposterous an idea to even consider and Saïx was quick to put it out of his mind.
No, Axel was simply losing sight of their goal. Perhaps he was no longer interested in uncovering Xemnas’ plot or he was happy enough to live out a heartless existence for the rest of his days.
Saïx was not.
Saïx had found that it was becoming more and more difficult to call up his memories from before he became a Nobody. Not to say that he had forgotten who he was, no he still had a firm grip on that. But the specifics seemed foggy. He knew that his name had been Isa and that Axel, then called Lea, had been his friend. Close friend. Closest friend. And that they had grown up together in Radiant Garden. But he couldn’t remember how they spent their days as children. He knew that he had been close to Lea, but he couldn’t remember what had brought them so close together except perhaps the passage of time. But Saïx was sure their bond was forged by more than that.
One memory, however, had remained mostly intact. The fog that had been settling in his mind since they had moved into the Organization’s castle was slowly creeping in on this memory too and blurring the edges of it. Saïx understood that one day he would lose this memory too.
It was the day they became Nobodies. After the experiment had been attempted. Saïx, then still just barely Isa, had come free of the gurney he had been bound to and was crawling across the floor towards Lea. There was blood in his eyes and that made it difficult to see. Someone, whose voice was sarcastic and familiar, had carved a thick X into his face.
Lea’s body was lying supine on the floor, having been knocked off his own gurny by the force of the experiment's reaction. He appeared to be unconscious. Saïx observed that, at the time, seeing Lea’s seemingly lifeless body had made him hysterical. He had begun crying. Blood and tears were falling off his face and onto the floor, making it difficult to remain balanced. His palm slipped and he smashed his face against the cold tile but still he dragged himself to Lea.
He called Lea’s name over and over again, screaming into his friend’s face. His voice broke, either from hoarseness or from the emotional hysteria, and he began sobbing. He felt a complex string of emotions that Saïx now had difficulty placing and understanding. He had felt remorse, like he had given up something precious by mistake or he had failed to take an important opportunity. Perhaps both. It was difficult to understand as he was now.
He had pressed his face to Lea’s and cried his last tears as a human onto Lea’s cheeks before everything faded to black. There had been more, Saïx was sure. He thought maybe he had tried to say something to Lea, tell him something important he hadn’t been able to say or had failed to say before, but the fog had hidden the sentiment from him.
No matter.
Saïx observed Axel in the Gray Area after returning from a mission. Roxas and the hooded figure of Xion were accompanying him. They were smiling and laughing, as if they were sharing a joke. Saïx considered Axel’s face: teeth showing, lips curved upwards, eyes bright. The fog inside Saïx’s mind stirred and he thought perhaps he was going to remember something. Something or sometime with Axel. Lea.
But nothing came and the moment passed. Axel’s back turned to him and he, with his two small companions, turned down the corridor and out of sight.
Saïx studied the air where Axel had once been before turning away himself.
No matter.