Chapter Text
“alright, what did you do during chemistry while i was in the principal’s office?” liz asks dropping her tray of gross cafeteria food right next to alex’s brown bag lunch.
alex looks at her confused from beneath the fringe of his hair falling into his eyes as he’d been reading over the notes for his calculus test next period.
“guerin is looking at you like he’s trying to figure out how to disembowel you just by his gaze alone.”
she points with her chin to her left, and alex turns his head to see michael. staring. very intently. like he’s trying to figure out how to disembowel alex. he doesn’t even have the decency to look away when alex catches him. his gaze intensifies if anything, and there’s something in the way his eyes go half mast before he looks away as though he hadn’t been staring, that makes something clench in the pit of alex’s stomach.
alex pushes the feeling away and looks back to liz shrugging. “i didn’t even talk to him today.”
*
alex feels it like a physical presence the next time he catches michael staring, only two days after the first time.
he's been trying to work on his essay for english during free period, but he keeps losing his train of thought.
he swears that someone is staring at him, but he refuses to look around to see who.
if he’s being honest with himself, he doesn't want to be disappointed. disappointed that the person won't be michael.
but he refuses to be honest with himself because there’s no way that he has a crush on michael guerin of all people.
alex holds out for a full twenty minutes, until the stare gets so blatant that alex swears he feels a static charge racing up the back of his neck.
he looks up and straight into michael's eyes.
he feels the breath catching in his throat and his pulse thundering loudly in his temples.
michael’s looking at him with the same intensity as a couple of days ago, eyes half lidded, head tilted to the side, mouth slightly open. and like before, he doesn’t look away when alex catches him.
alex feels trapped in his gaze, helpless to move and look away.
he never realized how mesmerizing michael’s eyes were. how they looked like the color of whiskey in the sunlight shining through the library windows.
he’s startled out of it by maria, who drops her books in the seat in front of alex blocking his view of michael.
she pulls the chair out and sits down in front of him.
“now, explain to me in words that i’ll understand just what Mr. Gregg was talking about this morning because i didn’t understand anything during that lecture.”
alex blinks at maria dazedly and then looks over her shoulder to see that michael was packing his stuff and leaving.
he stuffs the disappointment down and looks to maria’s pleading face and turns his notebook to a blank page so that he can help her.
*
alex’s fingers stumble over the chords and he sighs out in frustration, glaring over at michael, who isn’t even following along on his guitar just staring at him.
alex huffs, a little angry.
it was michael who had cornered him after school and asked if alex could show him a thing or two on the guitar since he saw him playing at the cafe last weekend, and he'd recently taken up learning how to play.
alex had agreed before he could’ve come up with an excuse not to.
he felt betrayed by his own self, but another smaller (getting bigger everyday) part of himself was glad that he’d be spending a few hours alone with michael.
”why do you look at me like that?” alex blurts out before he can stop himself.
michael tilts his head to the side, furrowing his brow a little, ”how else would you want me to look at you?“
“i don’t know,” alex says feeling confused like he missed a step somewhere in this conversation. “but not like that .”
“like what?” michael asks, and he does it again. eyes intense and focused solely on alex, half lidded as they trace the path from alex’s eyes down to his mouth.
“like that ,” alex says accusingly, holding the guitar tighter in his hands. “like you want to…”
he stops himself from speaking and looks down to the space on the floor between them.
he hears the sounds as michael sets his guitar aside and gets up to leave.
alex feels pathetic for the three seconds it takes michael to crawl across the space between them.
alex looks up startled as his hands cross into his field of vision.
which was a really bad idea, michael's eyes were entirely too overwhelming from this close.
“like i want to what?” he asks voice low and raspy.
he's so close that his breath washes over alex's face, warm and smelling like cinnamon gum and sweet like pears.
“huh?” alex says dazedly, blinking slowly.
michael's mouth quirks into a half smile and alex's gaze gets drawn to the stretch of his lips.
“you said, i look at you like i want to…” he trails of meaningfully and alex tries to get ahold of his train of thought.
alex closes his eyes and takes a deep breath which turns out to be another bad idea, given that all he can smell is michael's fading cologne mixing with the smell of the heat out in the desert and smelling just so much like a boy that alex literally can't stand it.
“like,” he says eyes fluttering open. “like you want…” he trails off again as michael sways closer.
their noses brush together making alex gasp involuntarily.
michael licks his lips and alex feels it like a punch to the chest.
“to ki-” alex cuts himself off turns his face away from michael's feeling like this is all a trick for some reason.
“like i want to kiss you?” michael asks voice low and soft and sending shivers down alex's spine.
“yeah,” alex says voice coming out raspy. “like that.”
michael huffs out a laugh and he's so close that the hot air blows down alex's neck making him shiver.
“that's because i do,” michael confesses and then alex feels his mouth pressing hot and wet right underneath his ear on the edge of his jaw.
alex inhales sharply and turns his face and their noses brush again.
“you do?” alex asks feeling confused and tingly.
michael laughs again and alex feels dizzy with it. he's never heard never mind seen michael guerin smile so much.
michael looks deep into his eyes, eyes wide and honest not hiding anything of what he's feeling right now.
it makes something crack open inside of alex's chest because he was the one who put that look there in his eyes.
alex feels frozen, trapped in the weight of that gaze, but he's not entirely sure that he doesn't like it.
he wonders what it would feel like to actually be trapped underneath michael's weight, and feels a bolt of heat strike through him.
“yeah,” michael says voice low and slow. “i do.”
alex feels his breath get trapped in his lungs.
“i do,” michael says again eyes dropping to alex’s mouth. he tilts his head forward and alex inhales sharply.
“i..i’m not…” alex trails off as his lips just barely brush michael’s.
michael’s lips twitch into another smile.
“it’s just a kiss, alex,” he breathes into the space between them. “it’s not the end of the world.”
but, as michael presses their mouths together once softly, threading one hand into alex’s hair to tilt his head a little bit to the side and then pressing their mouths back together harder, mouth moving slowly but insistently coaxing alex’s mouth open, alex feels that it’s could very possibly be the end of the world as he knows it.
now that he knows what michael guerin kisses taste like, feel like, he doesn’t think he can go back to being the same person that he was before.
*
“stop looking at me like that,” alex finally hisses looking away from his textbook and glaring at michael who doesn’t even look sheepish.
he just tilts his head to the side, licks his bottom lip, and watches alex with that stare like he’s trying to figure out how to undress him with his eyes. it sends a bolt of heat straight down alex’s spine, pooling in his stomach.
“like what?” michael asks as though he doesn’t know what he’s doing.
alex swallows hard and looks back down to his book. he can feel the heat from the blush working across his cheeks.
“you know how,” alex says lowly.
michael exhales, “fine.”
alex looks up to find michael leaning his head in his left hand, turning the pages of his text book with his right hand reading over the words in that bored-i-already-know-all-of-this way that he has.
“we have the chem midterm tomorrow,” alex points out.
michael makes a grunting scoff noise at the back of his throat.
“unlike some people,” alex starts pointedly making michael turn his bored gaze from the book to him. “i actually have to study to get a passing grade.”
michael raises an eyebrow, but doesn't say anything as he continues to look at him, eyes intense and dark.
alex clears his throat and looks back down at his book.
he valiantly tries for a full five minutes, but after having to reread the formula five times and still not understanding it he looks up at michael exasperated.
“if you let me study for an hour, we can spend the rest of the afternoon doing anything you want.”
“anything?” michael asks and there is a gleam in his eye that's so rare that alex has only seen it twice and never directed at him.
it makes that unnameable feeling in the pit of his stomach intensify.
“yeah,” alex breathes out.
michael licks his lips and nods his head. “deal.”
*
“you know when i said that we could do anything that you wanted, i didn’t expect you to bring me to the observatory.” alex says as michael tugs him down into one of the chairs in the stadium where the stars and constellation slowly cycle through on the ceiling. there is a low smooth voice talking about each constellation that appears in the center of the display, that can be raised and lowered through a speaker by section.
michael snorts and gets more comfortable in his seat, leaning back to look up at the stars. “i can only imagine what you were expecting.”
alex ducks his face down so that michael doesn’t see the blush that heats up his face.
“so, you like the stars?” alex asks once he feels like his face isn’t burning and turns to see michael still staring up.
“or something,” michael says quietly looking over at alex.
“i’m going to invent a way to travel faster than the speed of light,” he says when alex raises an eyebrow in question. “i bet there are plenty of planets out there teeming with intelligent life.”
the, unlike this one, goes unsaid, but alex hears it anyway. it makes him smile.
michael’s dreams are bigger than all of them.
“it’s not good enough to just leave roswell, you want to leave the entire planet?”
michael sends him a grin. “of course, reach for the stars and all that they fill our heads with in elementary school.”
alex laughs.
“what about you?” michael says leaning forward, eyes focused on alex.
“what about me?” alex asks loving the thrill that he feels when he gets caught up in michael’s gaze.
“you gonna leave roswell?”
alex looks away at that.
the truth is alex doesn’t know.
he doesn’t know what he wants to do. he still feels like there are parts of himself that he still has no idea about.
this part, for example.
the way his heart thunders in his chest when michael gently grabs one of his hands and threads their fingers together, tugging to get alex’s attention.
alex looks back at him, helpless to do anything else and shrugs, fingers squeezing michael’s.
“i don’t know what i want to do,” alex confesses. “all my life my dad’s had this path all figured out for me. go to school. get perfect grades. join the airforce. rise up in the ranks. only then will i finally become a son that he could be proud of.”
“you gonna join the airforce?” michael asks brow furrowed as he stares down at their entwined hands.
“it’s what my dad wants.”
michael makes a rude noise at the back of his throat. “that doesn’t matter. what do you want, alex?”
alex looks at michael and says the first thing that pops into his head. “you.”
michael’s eyes go soft and bright like they did earlier in the library.
alex looks away from him feeling a little self conscious and back up to the stars.
michael squeezes their fingers together and then lets go to point out a cluster of stars and then word for word describes the constellation and the story of how it was named along with the low voice coming from the speaker.
alex smiles as he turns his head to look at him while he’s reciting.
“you really like it here, huh?”
michael looks over at him, and gives him a smirk.
“it’s a quiet and secluded place,” he says leering as he crosses into alex’s space. “especially during the day. it’s practically a ghost town in here. lots of time to have some fun in between security checks.”
“so you bring a lot of people here often then?” alex asks looking away.
“no,” michael says immediately and almost like he didn’t mean to. alex looks back at him.
michael looks at him with those wide honest eyes not hiding anything.
“i come here when i want to be alone with the stars and the sun is still out.”
alex smiles slow and soft and michael gives him a cautious look. “what?” he asks slowly.
“you act all tough,” alex says reaching out and tugging against the curls falling over michael’s forehead. “but you’re actually a softie on the inside.”
michael scoffs. “am not.”
alex laughs. throwing his head back and then smiles at michael who’s watching him with those half lidded eyes once again.
alex bites his lip. “you’re actually a romantic aren’t you guerin?”
michael rolls his eyes and pushes him.
alex makes an indignant noise and pushes him back.
michael reaches for him, and tugs him over the armrest between them as he falls back into his chair.
he pulls him close and presses their mouths together.
alex goes willingly smiling into the kiss.
he reaches out, threading his fingers through michael’s hair, and lightly tugging against the strands, loving the way it curls around his fingers, silky smooth and feathery soft.
michael makes a noise in the back of his throat and then bites against alex’s mouth.
alex presses even closer, pushing michael further back into the chair, making it recline backwards, too far to reach comfortably from over the armrest.
alex pulls back to tell michael this, but michael’s fingers snag into the collar of his jacket and he tugs insistently until their mouths are pressed back together.
alex thinks that maybe he could be a little bit uncomfortable if only michael would continue to kiss him.
michael slides his hands into alex’s hair and bites hard on his bottom lip making alex gasp, parting their mouths together. michael takes the opportunity to slide his tongue into alex’s mouth.
alex moans low in his throat and grabs a fistful of michael’s hair to keep him still as he sucks his tongue into his mouth.
michael moans and tries to tug him closer, the armrest presses uncomfortably into alex’s hips and he makes a pained sound, which makes michael pull back and look at him with blinking glazed eyes.
“are you okay?” he asks as though it’s the most important question he will ever ask.
“more than okay,” alex breathes. “but, hold on.”
alex moves away, fingers snagging in michael's hair as he pulls away.
michael makes a mournful sound at the back of his throat and alex just laughs as he gets up from his chair and slides into michael's own, knees pressed on either side of michael’s thighs.
“this okay?” alex asks as he tries to get comfortable.
michael's eyes are intense and hot as his hands grab on to alex's hips tugging him in closer.
“more than okay,” he breathes as he tilts his head back and slides their mouths together.
alex lets michael pull him down as he leans back, shoving his hands into his hair and kissing him back.
alex loses himself in the taste of michael’s mouth, the way that he bites against the corner of alex’s jaw when he pulls away because he needs to breathe, the way his hands feel warm and strong against alex’s back, holding him securely against his chest, the way he kisses down alex’s jaw and rubs their mouths together, nipping against alex’s bottom lip, pressing wet kisses all over alex’s mouth.
alex tugs weakly against michael’s hair as michael kisses him slow and deep, parting alex’s lips with his as he licks into alex’s mouth, sliding their tongues together.
alex has never been kissed the way that michael guerin kisses him, like he’s the center of michael’s entire universe, like michael would love to do nothing but kiss alex all the time.
it makes alex feel for the first time in his life happy that he was born and raised in roswell, new mexico.
he pulls back a little, mostly because he needs to breath, and a little bit because he’s becoming overwhelmed by the depth of emotions michael seems to be dragging out of him.
it’s true that they’ve known each other most of their lives, but this all feels like it’s moving too fast too soon.
alex sits back on michael’s thighs, and michael follows him, hands sliding down to alex’s hips, gaze intent on alex’s mouth.
“michael,” alex says quietly, fingers in michael’s hair stopping him from moving forward.
michael’s eyes go from alex’s mouth to his eyes and the heat in his gaze is enough to make alex forget whatever it was he was about to say.
“alex,” michael repeats voice thick and hoarse.
alex can’t help but lean forward, pressing their mouths together once, and then twice, and again, over and over, watching the effect on michael’s face.
he pulls back and looks at him, eyes closed, mouth parted, cheeks flushed with color.
alex doesn't think he's seen anything more beautiful in his life.
he slides his hands down one falling to michael's shoulder, the other slowing to trace fingers across michael's mouth.
michael opens his eyes, half lidded, and then nips against the tips of alex's fingers with his teeth.
it surprised alex enough that he gasps, eyes wide and on michael.
alex lets his hand fall down to michael's other shoulder.
while alex works on getting his breathing and heart rate back to normal, something that might be easier if he moved from michael's lap, michael moves his hands to alex's hair, combing it back almost obsessively, gaze steady on alex's mouth.
“do you know how long i've wanted to kiss you?” he asks voice low and slow, almost as though he didn't want anyone to hear, not even alex.
alex shakes his head.
he opens his mouth to speak, but michael moves, pressing his thumb hard against alex's bottom lip, before he's leaning in and replacing it with his mouth.
michael tugs alex's lip between his, parting alex's mouth and sliding his tongue teasingly against alex.
alex wraps his arms around michael's shoulders and leans heavily into the kiss, sighing.
michael winds his fingers in alex's hair and tugs him still, making an approving noise at the back of his throat when alex mouth gives under his as though alex hasn't been surrendering to him since their first kiss.
but that doesn't mean that alex is going to just be a passive participant.
he kisses michael back helplessly with the same intensity because even though he never thought of michael like that until recently, he feels like he'll die if michael stops kissing him.
they're both so thoroughly distracted that they don't notice someone else in the room with them until the person taps alex on the shoulder.
it startles alex bad enough that he bites down on michael's tongue accidentally.
his mouth floods with a strange metallic taste, unlike cooper, almost electric, like battery acid.
michael hisses and pushes alex back reflexively.
alex manages to get his feet under him before he goes crashing to the floor.
someone helps him regain his balance, and his face flushes when he looks up to see Travis, a volunteer who's on medical leave and knows exactly who alex is.
but then again, who doesn't in this town.
“you boys might want to take that somewhere else,” his meaningful look sweeps from alex to michael before he's turning to leave.
alex looks down at michael with wide eyes.
michael just stands grabbing alex's hand and walking fast out of the room.
they start running, and alex can't help but laugh a little hysterically.
he has to stop running, and michael pushes him backwards against the wall right at the entrance of the museum.
they're sort of out of sight unless you're actually looking.
alex's laugh tapers off as he gets a look at the look on michael's face.
he reaches up and presses his fingers to the corner of michael's mouth stained red from the blood.
“sorry,” alex says softly. “are you okay?”
michael just presses in close, hands on either side of alex's head.
“it doesn't even hurt,” he says before his mouth is too busy to say anything else.
alex leans back against the wall, wrapping his arms around michael's back.
he'd happily stay right here, trapped in roswell, as long as it was under the weight of michael's kiss.
*
alex can feel michael watching him.
it's what wakes him up. that steady gaze always made itself known.
alex barely remembers having to wake up and let michael in through the window. he remembers lying back in his bed and feeling his pulse thunder sluggishly as michael pulled his shirt over his head before starting on the buckle of his pants.
he'd fallen asleep before michael had worked his pants over his hips.
alex gave himself a moment to enjoy the feeling of being watched by michael guerin.
“you're staring,” alex murmurs blinking open his eyes and confirming his statement.
michael was staring at him, eyes sleepy and calm.
alex just smiled back at him. “you were watching me sleep. i knew you were a secret romantic.”
michael just continues to stare at him before he moves reaching out, pressing his hands on either side of alex's head.
alex let himself be pulled closer, and closed his eyes when michael pressed a kiss to the top of his cheekbone mouth sliding down to press against his mouth.
michael kisses him like he's on a mission to conquer alex's mouth. michael presses him back against the mattress, fingers tight around his wrists as he kisses him hard, as though he's determined to imprint his mouth against alex's.
alex hitches his legs on either side of michael's hips and lets him, surrendering to michael's mouth as he licks his way into alex's kissing him plaint.
michael slides his hands down alex's arms and into his hair, tugging alex's head back and to the side to kiss him deeper.
alex slides his fingers into michael's hair, tugging against the strands roughly.
michael gasps and presses his forehead hard against alex's.
“i’m not a person that you should fall in love with,” michael tells him completely seriously, even though he’s breathing hard, and his fingers are wound tight in alex’s hair keeping him from moving, and he can’t seem to take his eyes away from alex’s mouth.
alex thinks to say, that shouldn't be a problem, but the words never make it out of his mouth.
michael’s eyes are half lidded with desire, and when he looks back up into alex’s eyes, alex feels as though he’s been punched in the stomach.
he gasps, feeling like he needs more air than he’s getting.
michael leans forward and takes his breath away all over again.