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The sun shone in brightly through the window, made all the brighter from the dazzling white snow just outside. It woke up the blonde man slumbering in the bed, but not his dark-haired companion. No, Kiku continued to sleep soundly, his little breaths tickling Matthew’s ear from his place tucked against his shoulder. He smiled at the sensation and took a few moments to carefully roll over so as not to disturb his baby.
He took a few moments to just look at him. His beautiful baby boy. Such a sweet and innocent little one, and he was all his. Matthew had never thought himself a possessive man, but for his little rice ball he would fight off countless armies just to keep him by his side. He stroked the boy’s hair softly for a few moments, then reluctantly started to pull off the covers. They had a day full of wintertime activities ahead of them, so he knew that he had to get up soon if they wanted to fit everything in.
Before all that though, he had to see if Kiku needed a change. He preferred to do it while the boy was asleep, as he was still a bit embarrassed about his nighttime accidents. He’d had to wear them for quite a while now, Kiku’s little bladder wasn’t able to hold it long at the best of times and they had become a necessity if they were going out for a while and wouldn’t have easy access to a bathroom. And at this point he had mostly accepted going in his diaper when he had to.
The difference was though that at least he had made a conscious choice to use the diapers when they were out and about. At night though he just unconsciously went, which ended up having him feel like more of a baby. Perhaps that didn’t make sense, but that was how his baby felt. So, on the days when he woke up first, he did his best to try and alleviate that embarrassment.
He slowly pulled the covers off, trying to allow Kiku to sleep through the whole thing. The little one barely stirred, and so he pressed on. He pulled down his baby blue pajama pants and saw the yellow-tinged diaper. Yes, it looked like he’d had another accident in the night. Not that he was surprised though, they’d been near constant for the last few months. He wasn’t worried about it though; little boys have trouble controlling their bladders, especially as they sleep. It’s a natural fact of life.
Without another thought he began to gently undue the tapes of the diaper and slipped it off of his little one. He wiped him down gently, noticing that Kiku had started to fuss. Ah, looks like he wouldn’t have much longer until he awoke. He made quick work of lifting up the boy’s hips and slipping on a fresh diaper, and just as he finished doing up the tapes he glanced up and saw a little pout on the boy’s face.
“Good morning my darling,” he said softly, coming up to sit by his side and affectionately smoothed down his hair. The little ministrations soothed the other man and the pout slipped off of his face in favour of a soft smile.
“Good morning Papa.” The little one leaned against his side, rubbing his head against his daddy’s shoulder, asking for cuddles like a little puppy. Matthew was all to happy to comply, pulling the slender boy against him and rubbing a hand up and down his shoulder.
“Did you sleep well baby boy?”
“Mmm hmm,” he said with a little nod, then suddenly started looking around for something. Matthew’s Papa senses kicked in immediately and rescued Kiku’s little pacifier from the folds of the sheets. He popped it in and the baby got that calm, half-lidded look in his eyes once more as he began to suckle lightly.
“There we go. All settled. Now that we’re all figured out, how about we head down and get some breakfast in us before we head out hmmm?”
The baby nodded, though instead of getting to his feet when Matthew stood up he merely reached up his arms and made grabby hands at the other man.
“Oh? Does my little man want a ride there? Do his feet not work anymore?” he teased, waiting for Kiku’s cheeky little nod before he gathered the other nation up. He was lucky he was such a slender man, or his poor Papa’s back wouldn’t be able to take it!
He carried the boy downstairs, hearing only the soft suckling of the pacifier in the otherwise silent home. These quiet mornings with Kiku meant so much to him. It felt like they were the only two people in the entire world, which was quite a powerful feeling. In these moments all his focus would be on the precious bundle he had in his arms, and the powerful trust that the little boy had in him. A trust that he knew he would never break.
When they got to the kitchen, he set the boy down in the custom high chair that Alfred had bought the boy for his last birthday. Though he had turned out to not be the best Daddy for the little one, Uncle Alfie was still a very important part of his life, and a great gift giver to boot! Kiku had adored the highchair which had been built exactly to his specifications and would be sturdy enough to hold up a man of his size and weight. Since then, nearly every meal that he had was in the special chair.
“What would you like for breakfast little one?” Matthew asked as he opened up the fridge, debating what could be made quickly with little fuss. He heard little sounds, garbled from behind the pacifier, and turned to see his little one pointing. “Ah, eggs? A lovely choice!”
He took the carton from the fridge and cracked a few eggs into a bowl. He whisked them quickly and scrambled them, but not before laying a piece of paper and a few crayons onto the tray of the highchair to keep Kiku busy while he cooked.
As the little one coloured he started to fry up a little bacon to go with it, as well as grating a bit of cheese to go on top. They would likely not get to have a big lunch when they went out, so they would have to fill up on breakfast.
Once he was done he started to plate the food and pour out glasses of milk. Well, one glass and one sippy cup. He had debated giving the boy a bottle but thought better of it for now. They would have a nice, warm bottle once they got back.
He set the plates down on the table right on time it seemed, as Kiku was holding out his picture to him. He examined it and couldn’t help but smile. It was him and Kiku, together on a sled, twin smiles on their faces as they went down the hill. “Ah, I see someone’s excited for today’s activities!” Kiku nodded, the smile evident on his face even from behind the pacifier. He’d been looking forward to this for quite a while.
“Well then. Let’s get some breakfast into you, then we can head out!” Matthew said with a chuckle, scooping up a bit of cheesy eggs and gently popping out the pacifier so that he could feed his baby. Kiku hungrily ate it up, clapping slightly as he chewed. Papa’s food was so yummy! And he was so excited to go sledding! It had been so long since he had last got to go, and now he would get to do it with his dear Papa! Oh, could you ask for a better day?
“Someone’s a hungry boy,” he teased. “You’d think I don’t feed you enough with how quickly you’re gulping everything down!”
Kiku giggled, and in a moment of cheekiness stuck his tongue out at his papa. One might not now it, but Kiku had a bit of a cheeky side too, despite his normally calm and unaffected demeanour.
“Oh, is that how it is? Then I’ll be sure to make you eat lots of Broccoli from now on!” he teased, chuckling when Kiku’s eyes went wide. “Yep, you’ll never go hungry again!”
“Nooo Papa!” the baby boy whined. “No broccoli!” he said with a pout.
Matthew laughed and acquiesced. “Alright, alright. No broccoli. But only because I’m the best Papa in all the land, right?” Kiku happily nodded, and feeling like the threat of broccoli had been settled he opened up his mouth for another bite.
Soon enough their breakfast had been eaten and the plates were all but licked clean. Matthew put everything in the dishwasher then pulled up the tray so that he could carry the boy back upstairs. Kiku snuggled in content to not let his feet touch the ground for as long as possible.
Once they got back to upstairs Matthew went about grabbing Kiku’s clothes for the day, then brought them back to his room, setting them on the bed. Before they got dressed though, there was something else that they had to take care of first. “Alright little one, how about you try to go potty before we get all your winter things on?”
Kiku blushed slightly but nodded against Matthew’s neck. That was a good idea. He knew he wouldn’t make it if he had to take his snowsuit off. His Papa took him into the bathroom, setting him on the floor before pulling his pajama pants off and bringing his diaper down to rest around his ankles. He sat on the toilet, trying to go as Papa went and grabbed this toothbrush.
He opened up his mouth when Papa asked and allowed his teeth to be brushed. Usually he could do it himself, but Papa realized that today he was feeling far too little to do it. Besides, this way they could save time and get to sledding faster, so he was happy! When Papa was almost done cleaning his teeth, he could hear the telltale tinkling sound hitting the toilet. Ah, there we go.
It made him a bit embarrassed to think about, but he’d almost gotten to the point where he couldn’t always tell when he had to go, or when he was about to go. He really was becoming Papa’s little baby! Somehow though, that didn’t upset him anymore as it had when had first started all this. He stood up and flushed, and Papa pulled up his diaper once more, checking to make sure it was on snugly enough that it would catch any leaks.
Once they were all done in the bathroom they went back to Matthew’s room where he helped the little one get dressed up in a nice, warm Christmas sweater with little reindeer on it. The sleeves were just a bit longer than his arms so that he could tuck his hands into them, just as he liked it. Papa then helped him step into his blue jeans and pulled on his little socks with puppies on them. He then waited patiently as Papa got himself all dressed up, then took his hand as they walked downstairs to get their winter things on.
He rushed ahead of Papa, excited to get all ready and head out. He grabbed his snow pants, coat and boots, while Matthew got his own things. Kiku brought them over, practically bouncing in excitement. He could barely hold still as Papa helped him step into his snow pants and pulled tight the suspenders. He pulled the coat and boots on himself but needed Papa’s help to do up the zipper and tuck the snow pants into the boots. He then pulled on his little kitten mittens and dragon hat, and he was all set to go.
He raced out to the car with Matthew following chuckling behind him. It was so cute to see his usually subdued little Kiku running around excited like this! He and his boy climbed into the car, all ready to go as he’d packed their sled the night before.
As they drove to the nearby sledding hill the little one pressed his nose up close to the window. His breath was making it all foggy, so he decided to draw little patterns in the condensation. He turned with a sweet little smile on his face to his Papa, who chuckled at the cute little snowflakes that he had drawn. Such a cutie-pie little boy he had!
When they got to the sledding hill there were already a few people there, though it was not so crowded that it would make Kiku overly nervous. Matthew had chosen this hill especially for that reason. Though it might not have been the biggest or most exciting one around, that just meant that less people would use it, which was perfect for their purposes.
He pulled the sled out of the back of the car and handed the little rope to Kiku so that he could pull it along as he raced up the hill. Matthew followed along after at a slightly slower pace. He figured that soon enough he’d be pulling Kiku up the hill, so he thought he should do his best to conserve his energy.
When he reached the top of the hill Kiku had already situated himself on the sled, ready for Matthew to join him so they could do their first sled down. The little one held tightly to the rope, and beckoned him forward with gusto. “Come on Papa! Let’s go!”
“I’m coming kiddo! Hold your horses!” he said with a smile, sitting himself down and positioning Kiku so that he was leaning lightly against his chest. Once they were all situated, he pushed them off, and soon they were quickly heading down the hill. His normally composed Kiku let out a whoop of joy as they careened down the hill, and once they had finally stopped at the bottom he was a pile of happy baby giggles.
“Well, was it everything that you expected it to be?” he asked, even though he already knew the answer. Still, Kiku nodded enthusiastically.
“Yes! Let’s do it again Papa! Come on, let’s go!”
Without wasting another moment Kiku was heading up the hill, dragging the sled behind him. Matthew followed quickly after, knowing that there was no slowing down his baby when he was like this. Heck, in this excited state he almost reminded him a bit of Alfred, as much as he usually thought they were completely opposite people.
They sledded down the hill quite a few times before Kiku started to flag. After a while though he started walking up the hill, then he wanted Matthew to pull the sleigh instead of him. Finally, he stayed on the sled and looked to Matthew with puppy dog eyes, wanting him to pull it now with him on it. Matthew chuckled, he had expected this to happen eventually and was glad that he had saved his strength for it.
“Alright little one. All aboard the Matthew Express! Choo Choo!” He grabbed the rope and began tugging him up the hill, all the while making train sounds and delighting his rice ball. They did this for a few more runs down the hill before Kiku started to notice something. A little twinge between his legs that told him that he should probably start looking for a potty. But, he was having so much fun! He didn’t want to stop quite yet! So, he decided to ignore it for a little while. Surely he could hold it for just a few more rides, right?
But, as he surely knew, this was not the case. After a few more rides down he was bursting to go. His little bladder filled up quickly, and his need was getting quite bad. He stuck a hand between his legs, squeezing a bit to try and stop from leaking. Matthew was halfway up the hill now, he couldn’t ask him to turn around and take him to the bathroom. No, he would ask when they got to the bottom again.
Oh course, with every little bump up the hill he felt his need worsening. Oh, he really had to use the potty! He had to pee so bad! Why was Papa going so slowly? Didn’t he realize how badly he had to go!
Well… probably not actually, as he hadn’t told him. But he was Papa! He was just supposed to know these things! But he didn’t, and Kiku didn’t want him to know how long he had waited. After all, it was a rule that he was supposed to tell Papa as soon as he had to go, but he had ignored that rule so that he could sled more. What if Papa was cross with him for not sayings something and made them go home! Then he wouldn’t get to sled anymore! So, he kept squirming, not wanting to let on how bad he had to go.
Right before they reached the top he felt a little trickle make it’s way out, and he barely stopped a little whimper from coming out. Oh, he wasn’t going to make it was he? Well, he was in his diaper…Perhaps it would be better if he just let go now? He would probably wet anyway due to the bumps on the way down, and at least this way he wasn’t really having an accident. He was deciding on his own terms when to go, and that wasn’t as bad. At least, that’s how he justified it to himself.
He took the hands away from his crotch, relieved the pressure. He was at this point used to going in his diaper, so as soon as his hands were gone his body took that as a sign that it was okay to go now and his diaper quickly started to expand. Luckily for him the sound was muffled due to his snow pants and Papa didn’t hear it. His face was flaming though, both from the cold temperature and exertion as well as embarrassment.
Once he was finished though the embarrassment died down. It wasn’t like this was his first public accident. In the time he’d been with his Papa there had been many moments just like this, and he’d gotten used to it. He was a baby after all, Papa’s baby. And sometimes babies couldn’t hold it or be big enough boys to tell their daddy’s that they need to pee. So it was okay if they he had an accident. Papa would get him all nice and cleaned up.
But…perhaps it didn’t have to be right away? After all, he was used to sitting in damp diapers for a little while, and he wouldn’t get a rash if he wanted to sled just a little longer before his changing right? Perhaps he would regret it later, but right now he didn’t want to take a break! So, he and Papa went down the hill again, and once they reached the bottom Kiku neglected to mention his now soggy drawers.
Matthew however did not go right up the hill again. No, he stopped and jogged over to their nearby car. Kiku cocked his head, confused as to what was going on. Matthew soon came back though, holding onto a thermos and a little baggie. He popped off the top of the thermos and started to pour the liquid into a little cup then handed it to him.
“Sorry sweetheart, Papa needs a little break. Why don’t we warm up with a little hot chocolate in the meantime?”
Hot Chocolate! Yummy! Papa’s hot chocolate was always so yummy, as he used real cocoa and cinnamon! Papa had even thought to bring along some tiny marshmallows! Oh, any thought to his wet diaper was thrown out the window as he sipped at his chocolatey treat. It was just delightful! And what was in the baggie? He watched as Papa opened it up and saw that it was cookies! And his favourite to, Oatmeal Raisin! He ate them up quickly, with a bit smile on his face.
Once they’d had their break it was back to the hills, though Kiku was back to dragging the sled behind him again. This time around though he was waddling a bit more than he was running, as the full diaper made it a bit hard to walk. Matthew wondered why he was walking a bit bow-legged, but reasoned that perhaps it was because of the thick snow pants, so he didn’t mention it.
They kept going for a while like this before Kiku once again felt that telltale tingle. Oh dear, so soon? The hot chocolate and exercise seemed to have worked it right through him. They were almost at the top this time though, so he could make it down and then he would tell Papa. On the way down he had his hands between his legs once more, knowing that he had to hold on this time, as his diaper wouldn’t take another soaking.
Once they got down the hill Matthew noticed what was going on this time. Kiku still had his hands between his legs and had begun to hop back and forth in little potty dance. He set a hand on his shoulder, asking “Do you have to go pee-pee baby? The bathroom is a little ways away, so you can go now and then I’ll change you when I get there okay?”
Kiku blushed though, knowing that that wouldn’t work. “I…I already went potty in my diaper Papa.”
Matthew frowned slightly. “You know you’re supposed to tell Papa when you have an accident little boy. I don’t want you getting a rash.”
“I know Papa. I sorry,” he said, taking on a bit of a babyish tone with his lower lip trembling. He didn’t want Papa to be angry at him.
Matthew sighed softly, then smiled at the boy and picked him up and began walking to the car to grab the diaper bag. “I’m not mad baby. I just need to know these things okay? But I know that you will next time, won’t you? Because you’re Papa’s good and smart boy!”
He kept up this one-sided conversation as he grabbed the diaper bag from the car, then made his way to the nearby park washroom. When they got there though the door to the toilet was locked. It seems like someone was already in there. Kiku whimpered and wiggled around a bit, knowing that his poor baby bladder couldn’t wait too much longer. So, Matthew took him to the changing room instead, meant to be used by parents with young children.
He laid the squirmy man on the changing table and quickly grabbed a fresh diaper. “Hurry Papa!” the little one squeaked out. “I can’t hold it much longer! I have to potty so bad!”
He sped through taking the winter clothes and wet diaper off, not even bothering to clean him off before putting on the fresh one. No sooner had he done up the tapes then the boy lost the fight with his bladder and the clean, white diaper, soon turned yellow. Kiku’s face was blushed as red as a firetruck and he was fussing the whole time he went. Matthew shushed him though, smoothing down his hair and rubbing circles in his tummy as he went.
When he had soaked through the second diaper Matthew once again stripped him down, though this time he took the time to wipe him down and give him a good dose of baby powder before putting him in his third diaper of the day. Gosh, his little boy could really soak through them! He neglected saying this to Kiku though, knowing that his little boy was embarrassed enough as it was.
When he was all cleaned and diapered up Matthew gave him a little tickle to the tummy. “There we go! All clean! Now, doesn’t that feel better?”
Kiku nodded, the burning blush already starting to lighten. Again, as embarrassing as it was to think about, he had gotten used to this too. Matthew changing his diaper, and even changing his diaper right before he used the new one wasn’t an odd occurrence! Really, at this point he couldn’t afford to be embarrassed too much over it, otherwise he’d be blushing all the time!
“Can we still keep sledding Papa? We don’t have to go home yet do we?”
“Of course not darling!” he said with a smile, helping his little cutie-pie get his winter clothes back on. “We can stay here as long as you want sweetness, or at least until I think you’re too tired.”
Kiku smiled, glad that his accidents hadn’t soured the day. He hopped off of the changing table and all but dragged Papa back to the hill for more wintery fun.
They kept sledding until Kiku had noticeably started to drag, and he didn’t even protest when Papa said that this was going to be their last sled. On the way back to the car he had crawled up on Papa’s back in a lazy piggy-back carry, sleepily sucking on his thumb. Matthew was getting quite tired himself, so he was a bit slow in getting the sled in and buckling Kiku up. The boy tiredly laid his head against the window, almost falling asleep right there. It was a far cry from the energetic little one who had started off this trip.
Once they got back to the house he carried the boy inside and got all his layers off, then went up the stairs with his baby in his arms. He laid Kiku down on the bed and began tugging his pants and sweater off. The diaper was thankfully still dry, so he left it on and dressed the little one in one of his shirts. Though Matthew wasn’t substantially bigger than Kiku, the other man was slender enough that the shirt hung on him a bit. Not enough to cover that puffy diaper though. Still, Kiku liked sleeping with his shirt as a nightie. It made him feel safe to be surrounded by Matthew’s scent at night, even with Papa sleeping right next to him.
But it wasn’t time to sleep just yet. They had to eat something first, or they would both wake up hungry as they hadn’t eaten since breakfast. He called for takeaway, too tired to make something himself. As he waited for it to come, he changed into his own pajamas as Kiku dozed tiredly on the bed. He picked the little one up after he was all comfy, taking him downstairs and tugging him in on the couch while he got the fire going.
By the time it was roaring and the living room was all nice and toasty the doorbell rang. Ah, their food was here! It woke Kiku up a bit when he heard it, though he stayed buried under the blanket. He didn’t want the delivery person to see his diaper after all! Matthew thanked them for their time and tipped generously before bringing the food over to the coffee table in front of the couch.
Kiku sat up and smiled when he saw what it was. Papa remembered! He’d told him about the tradition Japanese people had of eating fried chicken at Christmas time. And, though it wasn’t quite Christmas day just yet, he would enjoy this treat all the same.
Papa heaped the chicken and some fries onto Kiku’s plate before grabbing his own and both of them started to dig in, not realizing how hungry they were from their days activities until tasting that first greasy morsel. They ate until all that was left was picked clean bones, and once Papa helped him clean up his hands they were back on the couch, cuddled up in front of the fireplace and swaddled in blankets.
They sat there for a while, nice and comfy with full tummies and happy smiles, just enjoying the warmth and the other person’s company. At one-point Matthew got up to warm up a nice bottle of milk to soothe the little boy further. Kiku smiled happily at the sight of his little bottle covered in colourful fish. He drank it down happily, head pillowed in his Papa’s lap and was almost set to go to sleep.
Before he could though Matthew was reaching down beside the couch and grabbed one of his favourite Christmas stories, The Night Before Christmas. Though it wasn’t quite Christmas Eve yet, Matthew had loved hearing the story on a cold winter’s night when he was young, and he was sure that Kiku would love it too.
“Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse; The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there…”
Kiku snuggled in, enjoying the new story already. Honestly though, he loved just about any story that Matthew read to him. He loved the peace and calm such moments had, where he could just sit here silently and surround himself with Matthew’s calming voice. He looked out the window and saw the snow falling down gently, as well as the fire’s reflection dancing quickly over the glass. It really had been a perfect day.
And as he drifted off, he heard his Papa say, “Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.”