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The world had changed. So many people simply gone, everyone was grieving, everyone was hurting. Natasha had to be strong. She was expected to help pick up the pieces. She was constantly in motion, constantly volunteering for the worst and the hardest jobs.
Constantly atoning for her failure. She hadn’t stopped it so, to many, that meant it was her fault and she couldn’t find it in her to argue. How could she? She agreed. It was her fault, Steve’s fault, Tony’s fault. What good were the Avengers really? Half the galaxy gone in a single snap and all they could do was try to clean up the mess and help the people left behind. But it wasn’t enough.
In the few seconds that were her own Natasha would bring out her phone and call Maria’s number just to hear her voice.
“Maria Hill, leave a message and I will get back to you shortly”.
Natasha stifled a sob, she hadn’t really cried, tried so hard not to. She wasn’t supposed to show weakness. But tonight she was alone, tonight was her and Maria’s one year anniversary, tonight was the night she’d been planning to show Maria just how much she loved and trusted her. Maria wasn’t fond of big romantic gestures, she liked the little things and Natasha had planned on picking up her favorite takeout and cuddling with her girlfriend on the couch. The flowers and the spider-shaped locket were just window dressing. Allowing herself to relax was already a bigger show of trust than anyone else had truly ever seen from the Black Widow and Natasha knew that Maria would understand and appreciate that.
The spider-shaped locket shone brightly in it’s box on the coffee table, she’d originally planned to buy a cheap spider necklace as almost a gag gift, something she knew would make Maria smile. But the more she’d looked at necklaces the more she’d wanted to buy Maria a really nice one so she’d gone to a good jeweler and commissioned a small silver locket, it hung upside from the delicate chain and had her symbol engraved on the spider’s back, a small teardrop ruby dangled between the spider’s front legs.
Natasha snapped the lid closed just as her cell rang, that stupid itsy-bitsy spider song that Clint had made her ringtone was too bright, too cheerful… damn it she still didn’t even know where Clint was. Her hands clenched and she took a deep breath as she reached for the phone. It was Steve.
“Cap” she answered sharply.
“We have a plan” was all he had to say before she was moving.
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The world had been returned to normal. At least that was what everyone said. But then, not everyone had lost someone. Maria stared blankly at the small jewelry box on the coffee table, it had to be an anniversary gift from Natasha. She reached out and carefully picked up the box, turning it over in her hands and trying to work up the courage to open it, she brushed her hand over the logo on the box and bit back a sigh.
“Come on Maria” she whispered. Her hands trembled as she slowly opened the lid. The sound that was ripped from her throat was high and keening and filled with grief.
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Natasha’s funeral was to be a small and quiet affair. Fury had offered to drive Maria and she’d accepted, numbly aware that she wasn’t up to going by herself. She’d worn the black pantsuit that Natasha had liked so well. The black widow necklace was the only jewelry she’d worn and Fury raised an eyebrow when he saw it. She and Natasha hadn’t exactly tried to hide their relationship but they hadn’t advertised it either. Clint and Fury were probably the only ones who knew… well, she supposed everyone would be able to guess if she wore the necklace but she hadn’t taken it off since she’d first clasped it around her neck and she certainly wasn’t going to take it off today of all days.
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Pepper Potts’ office was modern and sensible but, luckily, the chairs were far more comfortable than they looked and Maria sank into one as Pepper handed her a cup of her favorite tea.
“Thank you” Maria said.
“If you need anything…” Pepper’s voice trailed off as Maria nodded at her.
“Actually, I’m here because Thor gave me a rather crazy idea” Maria told her.
“Oh?” Pepper’s eyes glinted “do tell”.
“He believes that it may be possible to save those who were killed because of the infinity stones” the statement had Pepper leaning towards her eagerly.
“How?” the redhead asked, a note of desperation in her voice.
Instead of answering Maria asked a question of her own “do you still have that suit Tony made you?”.
“Of course” Pepper answered.
“It’ll be dangerous” Maria warned her.
“To save Tony, Natasha, and the others? It’s worth any risk” Pepper told her firmly.
“I thought you’d say that”.
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The beeps of the various machines surrounding Maria was enough to drive Natasha insane. How did this keep happening?
“I can hear you stewing you know” Maria’s voice was rough but it sounded like music to Natasha’s ears as she hurried to the bed.
“Well, what else am I supposed to do when you go and get yourself shot” Natasha leveled an unimpressed look at Maria as her girlfriend chuckled.
“It’s not funny” Natasha muttered.
“No, I suppose it’s not, but we’ve already had this talk the last time I was awake, remember?” Maria turned her palm up in a clear invitation and Natasha grasped her hand carefully. It’d been two years since Maria, Pepper, Thor, and the Guardians had all banded together to go save Natasha and the others. There had been plenty of close calls since then, they lived dangerous lives after all, but none quite as close as this one and Natasha stroked Maria’s hand with her thumb as she thought carefully about her next words.
“I want to retire from the Avengers” she said.
“What? Why?” Maria asked “Love, I’m fine, really. You don’t have to come be my bodyguard you know”.
Natasha raised an eyebrow in a perfect imitation of Fury and Maria glared at her.
“I hate when you do that” her girlfriend grumbled.
“Don’t tempt me” Natasha warned her “but that wasn’t what I meant, I’m not that overprotective”.
It was Maria’s turn to raise an eyebrow.
“I’m not” Natasha insisted “probably” she shrugged “anyway, I know you can take care of yourself and that really wasn’t what I meant. I just want to settle down a little bit. I’ve already spoken to Steve and Tony and they agreed that I should focus on training our new Avengers”.
Maria squeezed her hand “that sounds great, if it’s what you want to do then you should”.
“Well, I also hoped that you’d… maybe…” Natasha didn’t stumble over her words often but she couldn’t quite figure out how to phrase her question.
“I’d what?” Maria encouraged her, the smile on her face telling Natasha she’d already figured out where this was going.
“Will you marry me?” Natasha asked quietly.
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Maria grinned with satisfaction at her image in the mirror, she had now doubt whatsoever that Natasha would love her cream-colored lace pantsuit and matching shoes. She fingered the black widow pendant and admired how the little ruby rested delicately right above the suit’s neckline.
“I hope you’re not too superstitious” Natasha’s voice came through the open door just ahead of the former assassin and Maria froze as she drank in how beautiful Natasha looked in her silky blue dress with it’s full knee-length skirt and the glittery black shawl that was wrapped around her shoulders.
“You have flowers in your hair” Maria whispered in awe as she took in the small white flowers woven through Natasha’s elaborately braided up-do.
“I do” Natasha smiled sweetly.
“And you’re wearing SHIELD’s colors” Maria couldn’t help the ridiculously big smile that spread across her face.
“I thought you’d like it” Natasha answered almost shyly.
“I love it. Love, you look beautiful”.
“Not nearly as beautiful as you” Natasha tucked a stray wisp of Maria’s hair behind her ear.
The gagging noise behind her had to be Clint, though Maria refused to look and see, not when she could be staring at her wife to be.
“I will kill you” Natasha didn’t turn around as she threatened her best man.
“If she doesn’t, I will” Pepper’s voice came from behind Maria and she finally tore her eyes away from Natasha long enough to look over her shoulder at her heavily pregnant matron of honor.
“You should be on my side Pepper!” Clint proclaimed “they aren’t even supposed to see each other yet but Nat just had to sneak away while I wasn’t looking”.
Natasha rolled her eyes “you were playing Skyrim, it didn’t take much sneaking on my part”.
“Steve is ready to start the wedding if you all are” Pepper cut in before Clint could say anything.
“Are you ready?” Natasha asked, a slight bit of anxiety in her eyes.
“More than” Maria squeezed Natasha’s hand and turned to Pepper, “let’s do this”.
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