Work Text:
The blonde haired boy stands, platform old and fissured under his boots, the white scenery crystallizing under the brightness of the sun, cold nipping at his cheeks.
He can’t feel the cold at the tips of his fingertips, at the tip of his nose.
He waits.
He waits.
The train never comes.
=
Jungkook was 7 when he first sees him.
A little boy, a bit taller than him, skin pale and glistening. The snow around him looked like it belonged to him, somehow.
“Are you lost? I think i am too, but don’t tell anyone.” The beautiful young boy told him, finger on his lips, grinning. He looked about 10 or 11, and his hair...his hair looked like it dripped snowflakes and fell like water on the back of his neck. It was platinum blonde, and it sparkled with the sun. His eyes were burning with mirth, a little sparkle that made Jungkook’s cheeks burn.
The first time Jungkook meets Taehyung, he thinks he’s the king of winter. Holder of the clouds, soothing being that melts with the snow and grows with the flowers. Jungkook thinks he’s untouchable.
=
Many think that the old lady residing in the brick house, near the train station, is in fact insane.
Her wrinkles hold secrets, her blue eyes, faded with time, still somehow have that glimmer of a young woman. Some say her husband’s death was her doings. Some say she’s an angel in disguise.
Nobody can know but her, with her smile ever so knowing.
“And..and..who’s that, grandma?” Little Jungkook asks, head on the lap of his grandmother, blanket over both of them. Fireplace cackling in the background, cozy feels in the room.
His favourite part of the day is when he comes home from a day of snow (a day with Taehyung), and he cuddles his grandmother, listening to her stories.
Sometimes, he thinks that his grandma was part of those stories, once.
“That? That’s a snow spirit, baby. Look at how pretty they are. They have glowing hair, white skin..blue eyes, most of the time. Except those who have a human parent. One eye blue, one eye brown. They’re such pretty beings.” As his grandma keeps babbling, Jungkook is flabbergasted, looking at the painted picture of a snow spirit in his grandma’s book.
Looks like Taehyung, somehow.
He blinks repeatedly, takes the book and holds it, looking at the picture.
His grandma smiles secretly, looking at him.
“You know..you should always be careful, with a snow spirit. The sweetest creatures ever, but they can get attached quickly. Form a bond and everything. You know what’s a bond, right?”
But the young boy ignores totally what she’s saying, still staring at the picture, and, worriedly, he looks at her.
“These stories..They’re..just fairytales, right?”
His grandma smiles, a little playful, and her wrinkles close around her eyes.
“You’re a smart kid, aren’t you, Kookie?”
=
They bloom slowly, like a blue rose in the iced dirt. Taehyung slowly reveals himself, Jungkook slowly speaking more.
Taehyung is hovering above the tree, not quite sitting on its branch, afraid of breaking it.
Jungkook is sat by its roots, reading a comics book, butt numb from the cold.
They’re both quiet, enjoying the scenery, the sound of the birds chirping in the early morning.
Then suddenly, Taehyung breaks it.
“You live here? I’ve never seen you around. Not that i’ve been around either.”
Jungkook nods his head cutely, and Taehyung coos inside.
“My grandmother lives here,” he points to the brick house, “ My parents.. not here. So i came here to live with granny.”
His eyes looked sad, soft, wanting to express but couldn’t.
Taehyung hated to see him sad, so he floated in front of him, and spun around in the air, making the little boy giggle.
“And you? Do you have parents? Where are they?”
“My parents?” Taehyung tilts his head, pretty eyes shining. One blue, one brown.
“My parents are this.” He touches the branch of the tree, the bark too. “And this, and this, and this.”
He points at the snow, the little herb left on the ground, the sun beginning to set in the horizon.
But Jungkook knows what brown and blue eyes mean. He doesn’t ask.
=
Taehyung meets Jungkook, under their favourite tree, and the younger boy looks so eager, red cheeks and all, Taehyung had to tease.
“What got you so happy? Surely i’m not that great to see.”
Jungkook shushes him, and opens a kitchen towel bunched up in his hands.
There, in his palms, are strawberries.
Taehyung tilts his head, thick eyebrows furrowing.
“Koo, What’s this? I’ve never seen it before.”
Jungkook blinks.
“Never?” “Never.”
They both plop down under the sun, the younger wincing from the cold, the older unaffected.
“See, That’s a strawberry. It’s a fruit. Usually it grows in spring, but grandma said someone was selling them now, from a nearby town. She got me some.” Jungkook smiles, proudly showing his little teeth.
Taehyung looks thoughtful.
“Koo? What’s..What’s spring? And summer? What are they like?”
Jungkook’s smile falls a little.
“What do you mean? Don’t you know how they look like? With the sun, the colours.. trees and fruits? Oh, and flowers! Tons of flowers... you, you really don’t know?” He looks stupefied, staring at his friend.
“I..i’ve heard stories. When winter ends i-“ he taps the snow, for clarification, “ i melt with the snow, and i hibernate under the ground. They told me we make flowers bloom. I’ve only ever seen one kind of flowers. I..i wanna see more.” Taehyung mumbles the last part, platinum hair falling in front of his eyes, and this time, he looks his age.
Jungkook grabs a strawberry, stuffs it in Taehyung’s mouth. Taehyung’s eyes are wide as he munches on it slowly, and the little boy grins.
For the first time ever, Taehyung’s porcelain skin colours pink.
=
One day, when the snow has majorly melted, and the palette of the sky has slowly warmed up, Taehyung is nowhere to be seen.
Jungkook sits down on the wet dirt patch, and his eyes fill with tears. In his hands, a bunch of photographs, taken by his grandmother, of the beautiful nature in summer.
He sees a single flower, right at the root of their tree, and he knows his best friend will be back.
He goes home to his grandmother and cries, anyway.
=
And so, the summers pass. Jungkook makes it his job to take pictures of himself in summer for Taehyung to see, during the time he comes home to him, in winter.
Jungkook could be called antisocial, could be called depressed, could be called whatever the kids from the village wanted.
But all he cared about, is Taehyung. Photography, snow, sunsets, sea and Taehyung. Nature and Taehyung. His connection with him was unexplainable. Something deeper that ran in the bloodstream, ran in the way their eyes always found each other, hands intertwined, pinkies finding each other, matching grins and inside jokes and art. The art of their friendship.
What Jungkook doesn’t know, is that his grandma is watching from the window.
Worried.
=
Jungkook is 14 and Taehyung is 16 when Jungkook’s heart feels something, for once.
His maths book is open on his lap, pouting cutely. He’s thinking hard, Taehyung notes fondly.
His hair is ruffled from napping in his friend’s lap, and now he’s half awake.
Taehyung is floating in the air, grabbing snow and making pretty ice sculptures with his magic. Jungkook’s yelling at him for distracting him but truth is, Jungkook would be distracted even if Taehyung didn’t do anything.
Suddenly, as Taehyung grins, transforming snow into a heart made of ice, instead, his fingers fool him.
The snow transforms into the sculpture of two boys holding hands.
One short, one tall.
Ice breaks as Taehyung, in his panic, smashes it against the tree, pupils blown and ears red.
Jungkook pretends he hadn’t seen anything, but his ears are red, too.
=
“Tae!! T...Tae!”
Taehyung turns around at the sound of his voice, and shakes his head fondly at the sight of Jungkook.
The teenager is sporting a thick jacket, big earmuffs squeezing his face, legs almost slipping from running on the snow.
Adorable, Taehyung thinks.
Jungkook runs too fast to control himself, and he crashes against Taehyung, both tumbling in the ice cold snow, and Jungkook giggling and gasping from the cold.
They’re nose to nose, now.
Taehyung breathes cold air, and the spell is broken.
Jungkook blinks, gets up, dusts off the microscopic snow particles off of him.
“I- i mean, granny...granny got you a gift.”
Taehyung tilts his head, extremely confused.
He had never seen Jungkook’s grandma.
Either way, he still watched Jungkook fumble with his wrapped gift.
Beautiful, Taehyung thinks.
The way Jungkook’s brown hair shines and falls over his eyes, the rest covered by a cute green beanie.
The way his eyes sparkle, focusing on the task at hand. The way his little teeth peek out from his lips, biting them red.
The way the sweater paws cover his pretty hands.
“-hyung. Taehyung?”
Taehyung blinks back, then smiles, embarrassed. Jungkook giggles, and shows him the opened box.
A beanie.
It’s sky blue, with pearls on it, and it smells like the rain.
“Grandma said it’ll keep you warm in the days of the cold... even I don’t know what that means..” Jungkook mumbles the last part to himself, but the pale beauty just stares.
The beanie emits an aura.
If Jungkook’s grandmother knows he’s a snow spirit, then she should know that he couldn’t possibly feel the cold. Right?
Taehyung still puts the beanie on. It’s too beautiful not to wear.
Suddenly, his eyes widens, his blue eye glows, thencalms down, all at once.
Jungkook looks like he’s about to pee his pants.
Taehyung chuckles, smiles, hugs Jungkook tight.
The warmth he feels isn’t the one he thought she meant.
He feels warm, so warm.
Warm like the tender touch of a mother.
Warm like when Jungkook laughs.
Back at the brick house, Jungkook’s grandma smiles.
=
Taehyung was under a tree, counting the petals of a moondrop.
One of the few flowers that bloom in winter.
So far, through jungkook, he learned the names and colours of a few.
He loves me.
He loves me not.
Loves me forever.
Loves me never.
As Taehyung plucks the petals of the pretty yellow flower, he sees Jungkook, in the distance, looking thoughtful and cutely determined as he tries not to slip on the ice. He has a big bag, and a paper of some sort in his hand.
Taehyung gets up, heads towards him, very curious. Jungkook usually always greets him first thing in the morning..
“Hey! Hey,” Taehyung grabs his shoulder and accidentally ices it with the force of his grip.
Suddenly, jungkook is frozen stiff, teeth gritting and eyebrows furrowed.
“Thaw it. Now.” The barely pronounced words gritted out from jungkook’s teeth, and taehyung stutters a few sorries, thawing the ice on his shoulder.
Both sigh in relief.
“So, where are you heading?”
They’ve been walking side by side for about 10 minutes now, Jungkook extremely focused on his list, and Taehyung seems calm, shoulders thrown back, whistling a tune.
It warms the air, somehow.
Jungkook looks up and blinks from snapping back to reality, then smiles.
“My grandma can’t go outside in this weather, so I’m getting her things from the market.” And, as an afterthought, he asks, “Wanna tag along?”
Taehyung’s grin couldn’t get any wider.
=
“Look at the ground, or else you’ll look crazy!” Taehyung mumbled, floating aimlessly next to Jungkook, as the younger walks.
The brunette puts his head down, mumbling as small as possible, and yet, the glares still got to him. The strange murmurs and disgusted glances of the village’s kids, the way people unconsciously moved away from him.
Creep.
Freak.
Not normal.
Weird.
Get away.
Get away.
Jungkook can’t get away if he was already away. He tries to pretend like it’s okay that he feels secluded, that those nights where his tears wet his grandma’s robes were nothing.
Taehyung feels sad. He wants to show jungkook how beautiful he is.
He feels like it’s his fault, somehow.
“Did you know.. no two snowflakes are the same? Each snowflake is made of different molecules of water shaped individually and differently..hey, hey..Stop laughing! And..and you’re a snowflake kook-ah.” Taehyung mumbles the last part as jungkook giggles.
“That’s so..that’s so corny..”
“Then why are you blushing?”
“Shut up, i’ll smack you!”
as Jungkook weighs a kilo of sugar at the spice stand (the lady is very nice to him, loves him alot, claims to have known his grandmother back in the day and offers him half the price), Taehyung spotted a pretty tree, weirdly coloured flowers, sparkling as if they were candied fruits.
Confused, Taehyung tilts his head. Flowers? In winter?
As he looks at the people in the crowd, he spots Jungkook, a bit further away, dazed by the pretty candy on a colourful stand. As he hurries to catch up to him, he trips over something.
A ball of fur?
A wolf.
Taehyung gasps and floats up, almost shrieking.
The wolf is pretty, eyes purple, coat white with specks of gray.
But those eyes seem wise.
Knowing.
The wolf wraps his tail around Taehyung’s leg, and the weird stares become even weirder, but this time, it’s not focused on Jungkook.
The woman of the spice stand, old but smiley, looking right at him. His breath hitches.
She looks at him. Not through him.
She can see him.
(Only a few people can see snow spirits.
The pure. A magic in itself.
The believer of magic.
The user of magic.)
“Do you know the legend of the rainbow tree? You haven’t been here before, have you?”
Her velvety voice sounds ten times younger than her century-old face.
The wolf leaves his side and nuzzles her calves cutely.
(She’s good at ignoring glares, he thinks.
It’s like they don’t exist.)
Her manicured hands wrap around his bicep, around the cold, pale skin, and she doesn’t wince, smiles even.
“It is said that Spring and Winter met under this tree at sunset, where the temperature was just right for both of them. They loved under there, cried under there, kissed and talked and laughed under there. It is said that the mayor of this village hated it, and hated their love.” She chuckles, eyes drooping.
“He banished them from seeing each other, and tried to cut down that damn tree. The tree was magical, and to protect itself, it created a crown of flowers instead of leaves. Rare are those who has been able to pluck one or two, it seems like they’re set in stone.”
A breath passes, life goes on. The crowd around them is scattered, kids playing in the snow, merchants yelling prices.
Taehyung’s eye is set on one of the blue roses, sparkling with dew.
Pretty.
“And, what did those do to be able to pluck those flowers?”
He looks dazed, eyes glassy, mouth parted.
She sighs, leaning down to pet her wolf.
“They were either dangerously powerful, as one of the dark warlocks tried to cut down this tree and its energy, but onlu managed to pluck a black rose...he was emprisoned, too..”
But Taehyung didn’t bother to hear the rest, he goes to the tree, floats up right at the top, and sit in the middle of the crown, sun sparkling behind him like a halo. And there, he plucks a blue rose.
Just like that.
And the best (worst) thing of all, is that nobody noticed. Except the woman. And maybe a few hidden witches.
Phenomenal.
The witch’s mouth is open, eyes widened as Taehyung pokes Jungkook in the back, And Jungkook jumps in surprise before laughing, and blushes immensely when Taehyung tucks the blue rose in his hair.
Slowly, she goes back to her stand, nervously grabbing her wolf, watching as both boys walk away, heads glued to each other’s
(Or, If an inseparable and powerful bond is formed, Is what she wanted to say.)
=
Jungkook was 17 and Taehyung was 19 when a kiss was stolen.
Taehyung didn’t seem to have grown that much. Just a hair longer. An eye wiser. His blue iris got deeper in colour.
His smile fonder.
Jungkook, on the other hand, has grown alot.
To Taehyung’s dismay, he’s gotten much taller, boyish grin now subtle, hair cut neatly, shoulders broad.
It does things (alot of things) to Taehyung’s heart.
And now, with Jungkook asleep under a bare tree, a blanket piled on him and Taehyung’s jacket under his ass, (Taehyung claimed he’d rather Jungkook napped without dying from hypothermia) Taehyung could freely admire his best friend, without anything interrupting him.
His long lashes resting atop his rosy cheeks, mouth slightly parted with cold air fogging out of it.
He’s still the same boy, even after all these years.
And there, around his neck, was a heart shaped glass locket.
The heart was big (because the flower was big), and inside, the blue rose Taehyung offered his friend was trapped there, unwilting, ever so living.
A blue rose means immortality, after all.
(And love, and prosperity. Because granny offered Taehyung her language of flowers book, because she said he’d need it.)
Taehyung could feel himself smile, and touched the locket around his friend’s neck.
It glowed when he touched it, and both of them joked that it should belong to Taehyung.
It’s still such a strange thing, he should probably visit the spice lady’s stand. She seems to know alot about those flowers.
The beautiful spirit was so lost in the other boy’s figure, that he didn’t feel the first few drops of water touch his forehead.
Then, when the rain started pouring hard, turning immediately into harsh snow, he panicked, eyes widening.
Jungkook will freeze.
“Jungkook? Jungkook? Ba- Kook! Wake up, it’s snowing hard.”
As Taehyung shakes his friend, the boy’s eyelashes flutter open, eyebrows furrowing, lips pulled into a pink pout.
Taehyung’s cheeks colour slightly, but he still quickly gets his friend up, wrapping his jacket around him and securing the blanket on Jungkook’s shoulders, while the other mumbles sleepily.
It’s an endearing sight.
“W-What are you doing? Oh? Oh fuck..it’s snowing.” Taehyung snorts and takes his hand as they start running, before the snow gets thicker.
“You don’t say..now come on, we gotta try to at least get to lower grounds.”
They run together, and they laugh, sinking in the snow, with Taehyung grabbing Jungkook’s hand and hovering to pull him up.
By the time they’re done racing in between the bushes and the snow-coated trees, they fall on the tiles near the ancient fountain of the village, frozen over from the cold.
Nobody’s outside in the snow storm except them, and Jungkook’s lips are starting to turn a little blue.
They laugh, breathless, and as they try to sit down and rest, Jungkook slips on the ice and gasps, startling Taehyung.
And he falls on his lap.
The two boys are nose to nose, breaths mingling, forehead flush against each other, pale hands gripping shaking shoulders.
They can’t move. Whether it’s from the cold (but Taehyung doesn’t feel cold) or if It’s from fear, but they don’t move.
And then something happens.
The pendant starts glowing, and Jungkook pays no mind as he leans in, and continues leaning in.
Taehyung is stiff and frozen, and suddenly, their lips touch.
He kisses back.
Quick and fleeting, a touch of lips, a sigh, a gasp, more kissing.
Their lips are flush, pink and blue, moving, and the way they kiss is tender. Welcoming. As if their arms were open since forever and their lips longing for each other.
As if they’re saying welcome home.
=
The warmth doesn’t last. It’s ripped from Taehyung as soon as it comes, and for the first time ever, he feels cold.
Jungkook pulls away with a horrified gasp, and the pretty boy’s eyes flutter open, like the bubble around them popped open.
Jungkook’s eyes are wide, terrified, and he’s shaking. Taehyung realizes the gravity of the situation.
“Fuck, Jungkook! Ju- wait! We should talk, wait please-“
The younger boy scrambled to get up, shaking his head wildly, whimpering and running away. Taehyung tries to chase him, eyes filling with tears. It’s all a misunderstanding, he wants to say.
Don’t go, you’re my best friend.
Don’t go.
As he tries to chase him, something pushes him down, stopping him from running after the one person he truly cares about in this existence.
He becomes a mere point in Taehyung vision, getting further and further away.
Taehyung gasps, sobbing, and something stings his chest. He tries to ignore. He’s hurting, he’s in pain, he scared off his crush, his best friend, self-sabotaged himself, ruined their friendship, ruined it all.
But the pain couldn’t be ignored. He grasps at his chest in pain, and there in his palms, is the pendant.
One of the rose’s petals is wilting.
He hates himself.
=
A week or so passes, and 6 of the 57 petals have wilted.
Taehyung isn’t counting, of course.
His eye bags deepened, purple on his pretty flawless skin. He hasn’t been sleeping well, lately.
Everytime he tries to go see Jungkook at his house, he chickens out. He’s pretty sure it’s his fault.
He wonders how his sunshine is doing.
Sometimes, passing by, he sees granny staring, eyes pitiful, knitting gently.
He misses her too, but he’s so ashamed.
He’s been roaming around, playing with the foxes, staring at a frozen lake, leaf whistling.
He’s lonely.
Taehyung is floating, mindless, eyes empty, the blue and brown dimmed. He realizes it’s Sunday today, judging by the amount of people walking through the market of the village.
It only crosses his mind then that Jungkook might be there, too.
He passes through the people,like a lost soul. He knows nobody would see him, so he doesn’t bother.
Then he bumps into something solid.
Taehyung lets out a gasp and he’s knocked back on the ground, staring up at broad shoulders and a green beanie.
Jungkook is staring at him, speechless.
=
They’re both sitting under the tree, and Taehyung is hiding the pendant in his pocket, hand clutching it tight, shaking.
It’s only been a week, but it feels like forever.
The tension is so awkward, Jungkook won’t look at him, like he’s pretending Taehyung doesn’t exist.
Like those years didn’t happen, like they were back to square one, ten years ago.
“I’m- Tae, i’m leaving to Seoul. I-I picked my university. I’m going to live to the city, and i.. i’ve been thinking about it, the university here just wouldn’t- wouldn’t be as advanced, and the major i want isn’t here anyway, and granny- granny told me i should go discover. And- and i took my decision yesterday..”
The boy spits it out in one go, still not looking at Taehyung, hands fiddling nervously with his sweater.
Taehyung’s heart drops more and more with each word being uttered, and his hands are shaking, one is white from clutching the pendant so hard, the other is shaking in his lap.
But, he decides, it’s for the best. And plus, it’s all his fault. He pushes Jungkook away, held him back, made him look stupid.
Jungkook probably wanted an out of this friendship, and Taehyung left him no choice, suffocating him.
The kiss was the cherry on top, probably.
(He kissed you first, his mind supplies helpfully, but Taehyung shuts it down. His shining eyes probably lulled Jungkook.
His magic is useless and selfish, after all.)
He should stay positive, for Jungkook’s future. For his happiness.
“I’m- i’m proud of you. How much time do you still have? We could..we could spend it together.”
He smiles shakily, tries his hardest not to show his tears, even as one slips on his cheek and freezes over.
Jungkook looks guilty, oh so guilty, and he mumbles.
“I’m leaving Friday night.”
=
And so, after a good night’s (cry) sleep, Taehyung psyches himself up, gives himself a prep talk, that he should be happy for Jungkook, that his friend deserves the utmost happiness.
He has a pretty moondrop flower in his hand, this time pink. Pink moondrops are rare.
He goes to seek Jungkook, walking around town, trying to find a tuft of brown hair with blonde highlights (a new trend, according to him), and the pendant in his pocket is still heavy.
22 out of 57.
Taehyung doesn’t pay no mind to his thinning figure, long, tangled hair, veiny hands and frail arms.
He’s grown weaker, but he’s determined not to show Jungkook.
If he finds him, that is.
Hours pass, and Taehyung is exhausted, arms spread out on the snow, sleepy eyes trying their hardest to stay awake. He looks at the night sky, powdered stars spread out, tonight.
His finger reaches out, slender, pale and thin, and he forms a snowflake on the tip of it.
This snowflake is beautiful. The design is much more complicated than any snowflake Taehyung ever did, and the edges are curved prettily.
It shines in his hand, like it’s a star, too.
Taehyung sends it up, and it breaks into a million little pieces, crystallized bits flying all around, like a rain of gems.
He’s sad.
=
In conclusion, the young boy is avoiding him. Taehyung hasn’t seen him since Sunday, and he’s growing worried, more so, he’s sick of dealing with this.
He’s lovesick, too.
It’s Thursday morning, and just as he’s woken up, a commotion started in the town’s center, near the frozen fountain. There’s yelling, music, dance, and Taehyung just seems so confused. But he’s too tired to deal with it, and he’s determined to go knock on Jungkook’s door and talk to him tomorrow.
Tomorrow is Friday, and he’s going to tell Jungkook all about his feelings, before it’s too late. He has nothing to lose, so it’s best he feels lighter, right?
He gets up with a little smile on his face, and he heads to the frozen lake.
Maybe he’ll rant to the foxes and the marigolds, too.
=
35 out of 57. The petals are wilting faster now, all at once this morning, and Taehyung doesn’t know what’s going on.
All he knows is, when he looked at his broken reflection in the ice of the lake, some of his strands were black, instead of platinum.
He knows that that’s bad, at least.
Nevertheless, he puts his worry aside (No time to be selfish, he screams inside his mind) and he runs as fast as he can to the brick house.
He even wears his sky blue beanie, just for good luck.
He knocks once, twice, thrice, nervous, excited, stiff.
The door opens, old wood creaking and his face lights up.
But, in front of him is granny.
“Taehyung? My boy, what are you doing here? Come in!”
She ushers him inside, ignores the way his face falls as he goes in. Then he realizes it’s quite early, Jungkook must be sleeping soundly.
He reassures himself quietly, and he sits down as she starts on a kettle of tea.
Strangely, the house is neat. No suitcases thrown around, no clothes, books.
The aura of the house is missing.
He stares blankly as the old witch adds some crushed tulip petals inside the water, with the purple tea.
The smell spreads quickly to his nostrils, and the warmth of home fills his insides and transforms them into mush.
“Ah, halmeoni, is Jungkook still sleeping? I know it’s early, and maybe a bit too inappropriate to come in here, but it’s been weeks, and i miss you, i know..i know jungkook’s sad because of me, and it’s all my fault, but.. i need to, i need to tell him goodbye.”
His cheeks are red and his eyes are down low from embarrassment, but he had to get it off his chest.
He looks up to see granny’s eyes, maybe a bit playful, a teasing word at her tongue, but he expects anything but this.
Her eyebrows are furrowed, her eyes wide, and her mouth is pursed.
Oh no. His heart drops in his stomach.
(5 strands of hair turn black under his beanie.)
Slowly, jungkook’s grandma grasps the pretty boy’s hand in hers.
“Taehyungie..” oh no. “ When did Jungkook tell you he’s leaving?”
Taehyung swallows back his saliva, and his hands start shaking.
“Today? F-friday night...right?”
She sighs, and the melancholy just gets deeper in her eyes.
They look pitiful.
“Oh my poor baby...Kookie left yesterday night..Did you not hear the celebration they threw for him in the town square?
I thought you were there..he told me he’s meeting you right before leaving for the train..”
Taehyung’s heart breaks in half.
He gets up abruptly, and his tears are falling over his cheeks, freezing on his skin despite the fireplace, and he runs out the door.
He can barely hear the woman’s hoarse screaming of his name, as he runs, floats, flies as fast as he could to the train station, covered in snow.
The train tracks are frozen over, the platform protected by the roof. It’s the afternoon, the sunset bleeding its light onto the snow, and the train station has been closed since 3 pm, because of the snow storm coming ahead.
Jungkook is smart, leaving right before the snow storm.
Taehyung is sobbing, and the pain in his chest is starting again, he’s holding himself, curled in a ball.
Whywhywhywhywhywhywhy
Iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou
He loves me not.
He loves me never.
Only a few strands of his hair is left platinum.
He clutches the train tracks, lays his head on the cold snow covering them.
As if it would bring him closer to the boy he lost.
He feels disgusted, he feels useless.
And he falls asleep there.
He wakes up, hours later, on a familiar couch, cuddled in a blanket, near the fireplace.
His head is cushioned on a tender lap, and he looks upside down to see granny, stroking through his black hair.
He snorts weakly.
“You know I don’t need fire to feel warm, right?”
Her eyes are red rimmed, and she smiles just as weakly.
“I know.”
=
Taehyung had his heart broken three whole times in his life.
The first time, and he remembers clearly, he was 3 years old when his mom (the memory of his mom is blurry, still) decided to melt with winter forever, and buried her roots under the dirt.
She never wanted a son, she never wanted the bond. She left the bond open with his father.
His father fell sick, and lived enough to teach him how to read, to write. To be kind, to love.
His father never resented his mother.
When Taehyung was six, his father died in his sleep.
Mother Nature swept this beautiful human with the wind.
He was never the same.
The second time, Jungkook was playing hide and seek with him in the snow.
They were young, 12 and 14, and they were laughing, with winter vacation starting, they could be with each other 24/7.
Suddenly, a shriek goes out, and Taehyung jumps up from behind the tree in fear, as he sees Jungkook on the snow, crying.
He runs to him, tears starting to accumulate in his eyes, and he sees his friend clutching his leg in pain.
He grabs him, and runs to him to granny.
He couldn’t see Jungkook for three days, after breaking his leg.
But this time, this time is worse than both times together, this time it’s sleepless nights in Jungkook’s bed, his scent overpowering the room, with granny making him soup, and forcing him to live with her, in fear of his mental health.
This time, it’s him clutching at the pendant, and staring at it for hours, eye blank, brown and blue sad. He watches as each petal wilts slowly.
His chest still stings, sometimes.
“You know, I think Jungkookie loved you.” Granny once says, as she’s cooking on the stove some stew.
Taehyung grunts as he’s sketching (she gave him some age-old supplies, but they still work well), and he sighs.
“Halmeoni, i don’t think speaking like this will make me feel any better.”
“His only subject of topic was you, pretty boy. All he did was talk about you. I don’t think he realized how special he was, being able to see spirits and all. And I cannot believe he never figured out i was a witch.” She chuckles sadly.
“Why does he hate me..what did i ever do..” the young man mumbles, and he accidentally moves his hand, ruining his sketch. He puts the paper down, sighing.
“Sometimes, baby, when people grow up..alot of factors causes them to forget about magic. Magic, just like it’s learned, can disappear. Influence is everything. I never liked the boys he hung out with at school,” she scowls, and Taehyung unconsciously cowers, “ I hope they know they’re going nowhere. And, you know, the day he came to me with this flower, telling me he wants a pendant out of it, i knew this bond was powerful.”
Taehyung’s breath hitches, and, for the first time in awhile, his eyes seem a bit lively.
“I always warned him that forming a bond with a snow spirit was something to be careful of, as love like this is so powerful it can be dangerous.” She finishes stirring the stew, and covers the pot with its lid. She sighs and sits down next to him, stroking his jet black hair.
“Jungkook seems to have blocked the bond. I don’t know why, but he seems to have changed. You’re the one hurting in this, Taehyungie. You’ll have to try getting over it, or we’ll have to fix it.” She sees the tears in his eyes and she coos, hugging him close.
“Don’t worry, love. Halmeoni is here to take care of you.”
He cries weakly against her shoulder.
=
It’s a week later when Jungkook calls home, claiming he finally installed a phone line in his dorm room.
Taehyung wakes up to granny chatting on the phone, and he listens close.
“I’m glad you’re okay, honey..Classes are going good, right? You’ve been drawing alot, huh?”
“Chest pains? Be careful Jungkook..all that fast food will fuck you up.” She laughs, but the nervous undertone in her voice gets picked up.
Taehyung’s eyes widen when he realizes who she’s talking to, and suddenly, all that happened last month comes rushing back, fogging his mind.
He starts breathing heavily, mind filled with Jungkook’s disgusted face, with his fear-stricken eyes. With the train that never came.
He whimpers quietly under his blanket.
“And..do you miss Taehyung? You know he misses you bad.”
“What? What do you mean ‘who’s Taehyung?’ That’s a mean joke, young man.”
“Seriously? You’re probably half-asleep right now. Yes. Yes! That Taehyung? Of course it’s that Taehyung! How many Taehyungs do you know, Kook?”
She sounds annoyed, and in his panicked haze, Taehyung starts crying, thinking it’s his fault.
He’s just a bother.
He doesn’t count how many minutes pass before he hears her hanging up with a pissed off sigh.
His eyes are still blank, he’s still shaking, sobbing quietly, teeth nibbling on his lips.
He can’t hate Jungkook, no matter what he does.
“Taehyung, baby? Are you awa- oh, my poor boy..”
She takes him in her arms.
45 out of 57.
=
It’s mid-March, and Taehyung feels the tingling of the snow melting, and he decides it’s time to hibernate under the dirt.
He’s early, this year.
Usually, he spends his last winter day with Jungkook, ending with sharing a cookie gone cold and nice, warm hugs.
This time, he cuddles next to granny, watching an old program in black and white, and she feeds him her cookies.
She says he lost so much weight already, but Taehyung wishes he could lose himself instead.
His hair is fully jet black, and he noticed that his brown eye has turned a bit darker lately.
He feels dead.
When night comes, she hugs him tight, and when a few tears escape their eyes, they pretend nothing happened. She kisses his forehead, and as a last goodbye, she whispers in his ear.
“Don’t do something stupid. As long as this rose is still alive, you shall be too.”
Taehyung thinks long and hard about it, and by the time he arrives deep in the forest, near the temple of snow, he doesn’t go through with his plan.
He lets himself melt underneath the dirt, and he doesn’t give his soul out.
The flower is still alive, and so should he.
=
15th of December, Taehyung knocks on the brick house door, eyes tired, hand clutching the heart pendant that's slowly thawing. Seems like the petals froze while he was hibernating.
His mind is screaming at him to go. That it’s selfish of him to knock on granny’s door. That she probably doesn’t want him here, that she forgot about him.
Like Jungkook did.
His heart skips a beat of fear when he imagines Jungkook opening the door, and greeting Taehyung with the most disappointing stare of all.
Right then and there, Taehyung decides to head back when the door opens. He looks frozen as granny stares back at him, and a huge smile spreads across her face as she hugs him close.
He feels tears of relief pricking through.
=
“Taehyungie...Kook-ah’s coming for Christmas next week. Do you...do you want to go pick him up from the train station with me?”
The pretty young man drops his spoon in his soup, staining his shirt with droplets. He looks down, and granny gives him an understanding time, leaving him to think.
He thinks he can do it. It’s time to face Jungkook. He misses him.
He looks back at the uncompleted sketch of the boy with starry eyes, and he decides.
It’s worth it.
=
22nd of December.
Taehyung wakes up earlier, seems a bit giddy, a bit nervous. Even prepares breakfast for the both of them.
He can’t believe he’s about to see his childhood best friend after a year.
He tries to swallow down the nervous bump in his throat.
He still loves him, even after all these years, he’s ready to die for him.
But if jungkook has moved on, if he wants to stay within a certain distance, Taehyung is ready to go back to zero for him.
Even as his heart aches, and his limbs are growing tired.
He’s only 20, but Taehyung feels like he aged 50 years.
His eyes are sparkling again with the thought of how grown Jungkook must be, now.
He matters so much. He deserves so much, and Taehyung is ready to give it all.
This should be a new start for them.
And he smiles.
=
Granny is sitting on the bench of the train station, reading a book, as Taehyung sits on the platform, sketching.
He couldn’t wait for the last 20 minutes to pass, as he’s been here for hours.
Granny only joined him an hour ago, waiting for Jungkook’s arrival, and reading a potion book.
Taehyung’s smile has brightened excitingly, his blue eye is shining, his face is more colourful.
He’s happy ever since he heard of Jungkook coming home. As he sketches, Granny comes to look, a teasing smile tilting at her lips. There, under the starry sky, two boys, holding hands.
One short, one tall.
He blushes as he’s colouring it, but suddenly, she grasps his wrist and turns it over, frowning.
His veins, supposedly blue, are tinging black.
He quickly shrugs his wrist out of her hand and shoves it under his sweater paw, muttering about how it’s nothing.
She sighs, mumbling worriedly.
He continues sketching, and humming softly.
He draws little snowflakes around their heads, too.
Taehyung checks his watch, just as he hears the sound of a train approaching.
It’s time.
He quickly scrambles to put his art supplies aside, shoving the sketchbook under his arm, and puts his beanie on.
Quickly, he wraps the blue rose pendant around his hand, as good luck.
Granny smiles, albeit worryingly, as she stands up and looks at the rose, frozen in time inside the glass.
Except it’s not frozen.
50 out of 57.
Taehyung is nervous, but happy, oh so happy to see how grown and mature his Jungkookie has gotten, he’s ready to hear all his stories. Jungkook never holds a grudge for too long, he’s sure he must have forgiven him by now. And if not, he’s ready to apologize.
As the train stops, Taehyung holds his breath. Just a door away, his first love is waiting for him.
His last love, too.
The doors open, and out comes a young man, smiling, bag on his shoulders, suitcase in hand, hair a much lighter brown.
Taehyung’s eyes tear up.
It’s his Jungkook.
It’s like time is frozen, brown and blue meets brown and brown. Mouths parted, hearts connecting.
Taehyung’s in love.
“Jungkoo-“
“Granny! Oh my god! I missed you!”
Suddenly, Jungkook drops his suitcase, and runs to his grandma, to hug her tightly.
Much to her and Taehyung’s horror, he goes through him.
He goes through Taehyung. As if he was a ghost. As if Jungkook wasn’t the person who accompanied Taehyung through those lonely years.
As if he was like every horrible, menacing person who bullied Jungkook.
Their eyes don’t meet.
Taehyung feels forgotten.
All at once, the 7 petals die. The pendant breaks and falls on the snow.
“Granny? Why are you shaking? Granny..it’s Kookie.”
Grandma’s face is white like a sheet as she falls back on the bench, and Jungkook looks back at what she’s staring, but he sees nothing.
Taehyung’s hair goes even blacker, his eyes turn black. His veins colour black.
His thin body is hovering in the air.
Tears drip on the snow. They’re black.
He thinks he saw Jungkook smile when he hugged granny.
He must be happy.
It must’ve been worth it.
Taehyung smiles weakly, and he dissipates in the wind.
Spring contemplated Winter
Her smile, blindingly tender
We count, we count
57 flowers
For the loved ones
We count, 57 petals
For the lost ones
Taken away, so gentle