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I can't believe that you are here, I can’t believe it's happening
What are the odds that you'd appear?
The universe so vast to me
Seven billion is on the Earth
There’s cold sweat clinging to your palms, the stickiness of it annoying. You have already tried to dry them out, subtly rubbing your hands on the black jeans you’re wearing, before catching the perplexed look of the cashier, hand outstretched to take the money you’re supposed to hand them.
It’s not your fault, really, that you feel so nervous.
You move almost robotically towards the counter where the barista is preparing the two drinks you requested with a slightly shaky voice, resisting the urge to look back to the table near the window that you feel attracted to - the table where Dan is sitting, waiting for you to come back.
You can’t resist looking.
Dan is hunching over the table, nervously twisting his phone in his hands. He looks like he wants to make himself smaller, hide away from the passing looks of the strangers filling the café.
Your foot taps on the flooring with impatience, subconsciously keep track of the seconds that separate you from going back to Dan, take your seat in front of him, breathe in the odd smell of warmth and comfort mixed with the perfume he’s wearing, a combination that you inhaled deeply through your nose when your arms finally wrapped around him on the train platform.
Dan’s smell is just as intoxicating as you imagined, makes you wonder if it’s possible to bottle it up to keep with you once Dan will leave. It feels like a punch in your stomach, the unwelcomed reminder that Dan’s presence here is only temporary.
“Two caramel macchiatos for Phil?”
You almost jump on your feet as the barista suddenly places two steaming mugs on a tray in front of you, an odd look on their face as they look over you.
“That, err, it’s me. Thanks,” you say, feeling an awkward blush starting to spread on your cheeks as you take the tray in your hands and turn around to face the direction where Dan is now fiddling with his hair.
A small smile tugs at your lips at the sight, recognizing a nervous habit that you have as well. It’s almost comforting, knowing that you’re not the only one feeling slightly unsettled, unsure of exactly where the universe stands - a universe that has now been reduced to just the two of you.
There is something between us, I can see it right now
Your magnetic demeanor, that's something can't be found
I thought that I was dreaming ’til my love came around
Now I just come on over, show you how we get down
You were expecting to feel different once the day progressed - more at ease and less like an awkward teenager trying to impress a boy you are crushing on. Except that, despite how many times Dan says he’s jealous of you being an adult, someone who has their life sorted out, you have never felt more out of place, more nervous, like you are about to take the wrong step at every second.
Dan looks at you and there are nervous butterflies fluttering around your stomach, each one of them carrying a different feeling on their tiny wings - so many of them, weighing down your whole body so that you feel paralyzed and yet unable to stay still, your limbs moving on their own accord, touching Dan, pulling at him, everything to prove yourself that he is here, that he is real.
You weren’t expecting this.
It’s not the first time that you’ve met someone from the internet, someone that you thought you had a real connection with, but it turned out to be nice - not bad, never bad, because there is a reason if you end up connecting with someone. But it has never felt special, like something that is meant to be.
Dan, though. Dan looks at you with the same wonder that he had in his eyes over a Skype connection, blushes wildly and without hesitation as you look at each other over the restaurant table, far too expensive drinks in between the two of you, surrounded by people that are probably wondering why two kids like you were even allowed in a place like this to begin with.
And yet Dan doesn’t seem to care - not about the glares, not about how obvious he’s looking at you, up and down and up again, eyes darting from your lips to your eyes and back down again. It’s intoxicating, to be looked at like that, to know, without a doubt, that your feelings are more likely than not reciprocated.
Because God, you like him so much. It’s almost the only coherent thought in your brain as you look at him, body warm because of the alcohol flowing in your veins and also the knowledge that this, this thing between the two of you, is real - not just a figment of imagination, not just wishful thinking.
It feels like your heart is flying high, high in the sky, above the clouds, so light that the skybar walls cannot contain it.
Look at you, love, you are the same
You have a light you cannot hide
Yes, you may have a different face
But your soul is the same inside
How is it possible, that this boy is really right next to you?
It feels like you have waited for years, building him up in your dreams until he was too much for your mind to contain, a force too powerful to not be let out in the world.
There is no other way to explain it - to explain Dan and the way he just is, the way he looks and thinks, the way he smiles at you, sheepishly, a rosy patch keeping company to the dimple in his cheek, skin glowing peach thanks to the sun setting in front of you.
“The view is amazing,” he says, wonder in his voice as you raise up, up, up in the sky, a small bubble made of glass and metal suspended in the air, overlooking the Manchester evening.
“I'm glad you like it,” you say, words failing to come out of your mouth in a way that feels natural, chest tight with nerves.
It feels like a moment, this one right here, like a scene from a movie. You’re supposed to do something, say something, not let it go to waste - because this is it, isn’t it? It’s perfect, tucked away from everyone else that could be looking inside, ruining a scene that feels too fragile.
You risk another glance towards Dan, finding him already looking back at you, eyes captivating and hypnotizing.
This morning, as you were putting on clothes that didn’t feel appropriate for the day, you told yourself that you shouldn’t hope too much. You told yourself that it would probably feel different, once Dan was in front of you - that there would be something, even one small thing, that would make him slightly less perfect - less pretty, less funny, less of this wonderful combination of wit and insecurities that drawn you in.
But he isn’t. If anything, he’s taller than you realized, and much prettier. His eyes are warmer, his hair softer, and he’s still everything that you’ve wanted for the past couple of months.
Too much yet not enough, too close and yet too far away.
I don’t care who is listening
'Cause they be making fun of this on TV
They wouldn’t laugh if they were inside my past life
With you and they were me
”Phil?” Dan calls, voice barely above a whisper, almost like he’s afraid that speaking too loud will shake the glass capsule.
You turn to look at him, forcing yourself to focus back on reality instead of the daydream world you have lost yourself into, only to find him looking at you with intent, face closer than you were expecting.
“Yeah?”
“Thank you for today,” he says, soft-spoken and sweet enough that you want to bite him, again, just to taste if his skin is as sweet as he sounds.
“You’re welcome.” You reply, trying to keep your voice from shaking and showing exactly how nervous you are. “I - I wanted today to be perfect.”
Dan bites his bottom lip, and you can’t be blamed if your eyes drop to focus on the movement, if you feel glued watching the delicate pink flesh that you’ve dreamed about for what feels like forever. “It was. Except -”
That last words feels like a punch. You try to not let panic rise in your chest, you really do, as you babble out, “except? Except what?”
Dan seems to be conflicted, eyes fluttering on your face, seemingly unable to focus on anything, something that looks like fear on his face before he says, “I just - can I -”
And then he’s kissing you, a quick press of lips against lips. You could’ve almost dreamed it if your lips weren’t still tingling, the lingering feeling of Dan on them. Dan, who has pulled back and is looking at you with eyes wide in fear. Dan, who is blushing as he brings trembling fingers to his own lips, almost like he can’t believe what he’s just done.
Dan, who just kissed you.
“Sorry, I-”
But you can’t, won’t let him apologize for something like this, for turning your deepest, most secured fantasies into reality.
“Don’t - don’t -” you say, broken words whispered against his lips as you take his face in your hands to bring close to you once again, kissing him like you’ve wanted to do for what feels like eternity, cutting out the surprised gasp leaving Dan’s mouth.
The wheel is still spinning in the air, and for all you know the route is coming to an end - for all you know there’s people waiting to get into the capsule, looking into it and seeing the two of you, holding each other and trading laughs filled with kisses, gazing into each other’s eyes like you can’t get enough of the sight.
In this moment, you don’t really care. You will, probably, particularly when Dan will care about it. But right now, with this boy in your arms, this boy that is seemingly everything you have ever wanted, you decide that you don’t care what people might say.
Because it doesn’t matter, really. All that matters to you is you and Dan, frozen in time in the sky above Manchester.
There are still nervous butterflies in your stomach, doubts and insecurities cluttering your mind - but you push all of them away, for just a moment, to make space for Dan - and promise yourself that you’ll keep doing just that for as long as he will allow it.
Because you never want to let go.
Once I have you, I will never let you, never let you
Once I have you, I will never let you, never let you go