Chapter Text
Keith always had an...odd fascination with babies. On earth, he would see the babies at the orphanage being taken care of, would see the bottles and pacifiers and blankets and diapers they used, and something in him would long for the same treatment. He wished he could be held all day long and not have to go to school or do homework or do chores.
As he began to grow lonely, he found himself daydreaming about being in their shoes. About having no responsibilities, nothing to do other than be taken care of by someone bigger than him. About being the center of someone’s attention.
The daydreams were nice.
However, despite his fascination (or whatever it was, he never knew what to label it) he knew that he was too big to be treated like a baby. And, as he grew up, he also learned that wanting to be babied or acting childish in any way was looked down upon in human society. Which meant he was weird.
So he locked that part of himself away. He stopped letting himself daydream about something that could never be a reality for him. He stopped staring longingly at the babies he saw at the orphanage or out in public once he was adopted. He made himself face the fact that he was a grown boy.
Not a baby.
*****
His odd feelings made a resurgence when he joined the blade. Apparently, the blade rescued abandoned kits and raised them to be warriors.
Apparently, there were also a lot of these kits on the base.
Sometimes he saw the older ones training, ones about his height that were working on mastering the skills they would need to join the fight one day. Noticeably, that was the only age group he saw. Kolivan told him they had lots of phoeb-old kits around, but he never saw any of them. He thought it was weird to be honest. How the hell did he see hundreds of blades every day but never once saw a baby? Didn’t kits need a whole bunch of attention?
Then he went along on one of the search-and-rescue missions as the driver, and he found out why he never saw the kits. All the caregivers kept the babies tucked away in their ‘pouches,’ a space on the spacesuits they wore he thought was just a fancy and big pocket for items. The pocket had extremely thin fabric and six tiny holes to expose the Galra’s teats- which 1) they had fricking teats like cats and 2) Keith always thought his suit was just old and had a few tears in it- so the kits could stay in there and nurse and sleep constantly without needing to come out. The only time they came out was to be stimulated- again, like a cat- or to be given a tongue bath.
And fuck, when Keith saw that he felt a jealousy so strong he wanted to cry . Those kits had no idea how good they had it; they had caregivers devoted to only them (the blades could only foster one kit at a time) who literally never left them alone and took the time to religiously care for them every few hours- the Galra even forfeited sleep for them! Meanwhile he grew up without anyone who treated him anywhere near as kindly as their caregivers treated them, always having something looming over his head keeping him from resting like he wanted, believing that he wasn’t allowed the same kind of gentle care they got every day.
He wished he was them.
He wanted to rest against someone’s chest all day and never have to get up for food or the bathroom or even a bath. He wanted someone who would come to his rescue every time he so much as made a sound hinting that he was uncomfortable. He wanted that kind of complete and undivided attention. He wanted to feel warm and comfortable and relaxed and safe and loved .
He had to stop thinking about it before he burst into tears in earnest, thus revealing his odd whatever-this-was to them. They would think he was weird. Childish. Possibly kick him off the base because of it.
Every day after that mission, he was taunted by the knowledge that when he saw a small bulge in a blade’s belly, it was a kit getting all the love and attention he couldn’t have. It was a sick reminder of both his twisted mind and his terribly disappointing childhood.
He hated it.
*****
After he’d been with the blade for a year they found his mother. She’d been sent on a spy mission years ago and stopped reporting one day. No one knew if she’d been compromised, dead, or if something else had happened. But on one of the search-and-rescues she’d been found, left behind but in good health, and was now on her way back to the base.
Keith felt a lot of things- elation, excitement, anger, anxiety, curiosity- but most of all hope . The biological parents of kits (he guessed he could be considered a grown up kit, since he was half Galra) were supposedly much more protective and caring for their own instead of fostered kits. So, if his mother was even halfway decent, she would fawn over him like the other blades fawned over their charges, even if she didn’t baby him.
He waited anxiously in the pod bay for the group from that mission to return alongside a few medics (in case of injuries) and Kolivan, who always met with newly arriving groups to hear their reports.
It felt like hours before they finally showed up, and Keith was practically vibrating with energy as he watched the Galra slowly pour out of the pod, waiting for the woman that looked just like him. When she came out her back was turned to him, but he could somehow tell from her figure and her hair that it was her. He waited for her to walk over to him and Kolivan, not wanting to seem overly eager, a ball of all his combined emotions blooming in his chest with the anticipation.
His mother turned to greet Kolivan, giving Keith an unobstructed view of her face. She looked like the spitting image of him- or, actually he looked like the spitting image of her- but with a purple face and cheek marks. Her golden eyes glowed softly and her pupils were sharp and confident. They glanced over at him for a brief moment, a light of recognition sparking in them.
Then, Keith’s eyes traveled down to her chest, where she was cradling something, and his heart sank. A young kit clung to her uniform, it’s eyes closed in a dreamless sleep.
Tears immediately sprung into Keith’s eyes at the sight of the kit. He’d….been replaced. His mother left him on earth as a baby and to make up for it she decided to foster someone else.
Before anyone could react, Keith quickly spun on his heel and ran from the room, not wanting her to see how his heart was shattering in his chest. He didn’t stop running until he reached his sleeping quarters, where he slammed his fist on the lock and threw himself on his bed, sobbing in despair.
He didn’t know what he expected from his mother- to be different from everyone else in his life? Maybe he’d hoped that the woman who gave birth to him would be the person he could count on to show him just a little bit of the love he longed for all his life. But he was wrong.
He wallowed alone in his sadness and self pity until he heard his door swish open a couple of minutes later. He expected for someone to come find him after he stormed out like that, but he didn’t want to talk to anyone. Hell, he didn’t know if he’d want to talk to anyone again, ever. How could he after what just happened?
A gentle paw caressed the back of his neck, and despite how soothing the touch was he roughly shoved it away. He didn’t want comfort. The only thing he did want was his mother and her undivided attention, but that wasn’t going to happen. She had an actual baby to look after now, who would take up all of her time that wasn’t spent on missions or training. Which would leave nothing for him.
As his wails started to pick up in volume, someone slipped their fingers under his arms and lifted him off the bed, and before he could see who it was he was laid against a warm chest. They’re female , he realized, feeling the soft squish of breasts against him. He tried to sit up to look at the Galra’s face, but his head was guided to the crook of her shoulder, and he surprised himself by staying there. She rubbed his back soothingly as it jumped and shushed his uneven cries. “It’s alright dear, just let it out.” She cooed, her voice soft and sweet.
Keith didn’t know who she was, (he didn’t talk to the other blades much) but he held onto her and let himself be coddled. This was the kind of treatment he always longed for, and he would take it anyway he could get it. Even if it meant it would probably stop once he calmed down. Something was better than nothing, at least.
He didn’t want to calm down, because he was almost certain the coddling would end once he did, but the Galra was too comforting for him to help himself. It wasn’t too long before his sobs were reduced to upset sniffles, though his lip still trembled at the thought of being put down. As if she sensed this, the woman holding him kept him in her arms and sat down on his bed. It seemed like they would be there for awhile.
Keith definitely wasn’t complaining.
“You must be exhausted sweetheart.” She hummed, and the boy practically melted into her at the affectionate nickname. “Why don’t you take a nap? I’ll be right here when you wake up.”
He couldn’t deny that he was exhausted, though more emotionally than physically, and the invitation to nap on someone was something he’d longed to do for too long to pass up. He settled down on top of her, his ear pressed above the pumping of her heartbeat, and closed his eyes.
The teen felt a blanket being wrapped around him, and above it the woman’s arms. She added the perfect amount of pressure to the hug, and he was in heaven, the event from the pod room nearly forgotten, because all that mattered at the moment was that he was finally getting comforted.
*****
When Keith woke up, the lights were dimmed. He must have slept all the way until evening, when the lights started slowly turning off. Other than that, though, the room was unchanged. He was still cuddled up to the Galra that came after him earlier, still wrapped in a warm blanket and being hugged just right. The thought made his heart swell, that they fulfilled their promise and stayed with him while he slept.
He almost went back to sleep, not wanting to leave his spot in his comforter’s arms, but he was extremely hungry and thirsty. He tried to ignore himself, wanting to enjoy being coddled for just a few more minutes.
Of course, his stomach had to growl and give him away. He felt the woman’s arms lift away from him, much to his chagrin, though she gently rubbed his back to compensate for the loss, which was okay. “Do you want something to eat sweetheart?” She cooed, and Keith felt himself melting into a puddle of goo in her lap.
He nodded, unable to deny how hungry he was. “Let’s get you some food then.” She said, standing with him still in her arms. She started to make her way to the cafeteria, one paw cradling the base of his skull as if to keep his head from lulling.
Keith laid limply on her and let her hold him up, comforted by the kind treatment. A part of him felt anxious that she was taking him somewhere public, somewhere with other people that would see him, a fully grown human, being cradled in someone’s arms like a young child. The other part of him didn’t care at all; this is what he’d always wanted, screw what the rest of the universe thought. He was happy.
He closed his eyes as they entered the café, preventing himself from making eye contact with anyone they passed. The last thing he wanted was for the anxious part of himself to take the forefront because he was thrown an odd look. That would make him stop enjoying this, and he never wanted to stop enjoying this. He kept his eyes closed until the women holding him sat down and moved him to sit sideways in her lap.
He tried taking the chance to catch a glimpse of her face, but she was one step ahead of him and held him to her chest. “I know you’re curious about who I am. I’ll let you see after this, but first let’s get you taken care of.” She said placatingly, and Keith went along with it. He was still very high on endorphins from the whole experience, and as such very easy to sway.
The Galra handed him a bowl of oatmeal and fruit. “I’ve got more food if you want it dear. Eat up.” She encouraged, starting to eat her own food.
Keith took the bowl and ate while leaning heavily into the woman’s chest. Even sitting sideways, at a supposedly awkward angle, she was so comfortable to cuddle up to. He didn’t even notice his eyes drooping as he finished his food awhile after, too caught up in feeling warm and comforted and cared for.
When he finished the oatmeal the bowl was gently taken from him. “All done sweetheart?” She asked, and he nodded in return, more than content with his decently full belly.
It was another few quiet minutes before he was lifted into her arms again and she walked out of the cafeteria. Keith didn’t pay attention to where she was going, more interested in the gentle bounce of her steps and the warm paw caressing his nape.
He noticed the sound of a door swishing and opened his eyes a little to see them enter his bedroom. The Galra took her previous seat in the middle of his bed and moved him so he was sitting sideways in her lap again, one paw resting against the side of his head and gently stroking his hair. The affection was making him sleepy again, but he still wanted to see her face before he drifted off.
She must have known what he was thinking, as she spoke up softly, “Okay sweetheart, you can look now.” She let the hand in his hair come down to wrap around his side in a loose embrace.
Keith gave himself a few more seconds to soak in her warmth before he sat up, almost reluctant to move when he was so heavy with sleep. He tilted his head upwards, taking in her soft lavender fur and violet cheek marks before looking directly into her soft golden eyes. He recognized her almost immediately and pulled away out of shock, only to be held in place by her arms.
He was suddenly much more awake, not to mention confused. “Mom? What?” He stuttered, unsure of what to say.
His mother smiled softly at him, though her eyes filled with a swirl of sympathy and regret and many other emotions he couldn’t decipher. “Yes, darling, I know. I know you’re confused and upset, and you must have so many questions for me, but we’ll get to that. For now I want to take care of you. Going through a misunderstanding like that isn’t good for a kit.”
Keith’s brow crinkled further in confusion. Misunderstanding? Kit? “What misunderstanding?” He asked, too distracted by the vagueness of her words to object to her pushing aside the important conversation they needed to have about, you know, where she’d been all his life ?
“The kit you saw? She isn’t mine.” She explained, getting straight to the point. “Her caregiver was killed before the ship was abandoned, so I fostered her until we were picked up by the blades. She would have froze or starved if I hadn’t saved her, but I never intended to adopt her.”
It took a moment for Keith to process that. When he finally did, all he could respond with was a simple, “Oh.”
His mother smiled a little wider at his reaction. “I could never adopt a kit, knowing I had my own little one, even if I couldn’t be there for you.” She said softly.
Keith’s head was swimming with so many questions and things he wanted to ask her. Why did she leave him? Did she ever plan on coming back for him? Why was she treating him so softly if she left him in the first place? And why did she keep referring to him as if he was a young child?
His mother could see all of the questions on the top of his tongue and grinned. “It’s alright dear. We have all the time in the universe now. We can take as long as we need to talk about it. Just let me have a little longer to take care of you, and I promise I’ll explain everything.”