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It was always there, you just had to know how to look for it. Even when they were teenagers he would say it without saying it. He probably didn’t even realize that’s what he was saying most of the time.
Here, you can have half , said casually as he split his McDonald’s hot apple pie into two.
Is your seatbelt on? , tossed over his shoulder as he navigated his way into the traffic outside the rink in Canton.
You can borrow mine , said without looking up from his phone as he threw his hoodie into her lap.
It always set a soft warmth spreading along her skin. He might not love her like she wanted him to, but he did love her. He cared about her - cared for her. He worried about her, took her into consideration - even when he was sixteen and kind of an idiot - and that meant something.
After Sochi, it was different. Originally, she’d believed it had stopped entirely, that he didn’t say it anymore because he didn’t feel it anymore. But when she looked back on it, it was still there - you just had to know where to look.
Good luck! in a quick text sent before an Abnormal Psych final he must have overheard her telling Alma about when they were prepping for SOI in Ilderton the week before.
Take my seat , muttered as he stood and leaned against the boards, letting her grab the only open seat near the ice after they had finished a run through of the opening number.
He still loved her, cared about her, took her into consideration - even if maybe he didn’t really want to.
It wasn’t until they had been in Montreal for a few months that things changed.
“I dreamt about you last night,” Scott said with a grin, skating a circle around her.
It was early. Too early. She had her nose stuffed into the infinity scarf wrapped around her neck as she made lazy rounds of the rink, letting herself wake up, and all she could do was raise an eyebrow at him, an unspoken and? in the air.
“And it was nice,” he said with a smile. “Well - I say nice, you were kind of being a brat.”
“Probably for a good reason,” she muttered.
“Nope. You just refused to go to dinner with me. You said no to a cheeseburger, Tess, why would you do that?”
She cocked her head to the side slightly.
“Also,” he continued, “you told me that I didn’t know how to ride my motorcycle.”
With a snort of laughter, she tipped her head up, freeing her face from the cloth around her neck. “You probably didn’t. Also I would never let you get a motorcycle.”
“Excuse you, I was very good at riding my motorcycle, it wasn’t my fault that it didn’t turn on.”
“Yeah, I’m gonna have to say that I believe it was your fault,” she replied, pushing herself toward the center of the rink with long strokes.
“You wouldn’t let me get a motorcycle?” he asked as caught up to her, matching her pace.
“Nope.”
“Why?”
“You would die.”
“Right, of course,” he replied, his hand taking hers lightly as they continued their leisurely warmup.
“I did the dishes.”
Tessa lifted her head from where it had been buried in her blanket, eyes bleary. “I have dishes to do?”
“Not anymore,” he said with a chuckle.
“Where did they come from?”
“Uh, Ikea?” he responded.
“No,” she said with a sniffle. “How did they get dirty?”
“That’s what happens when you cook, T,” he responded with a smile, reaching a hand out to feel her forehead. “I think it’s time for another Tylenol.”
“Did I cook?” she frowned.
“No, but I did. Or did you think that soup just appeared on its own?”
“No,” she said. “But I thought you’d brought it with you.”
“You have no memory of me cooking you dinner?” he asked.
She wracked her memory before looking up at him, forehead crinkled in confusion. He laughed.
“Okay, that’s it,” he rounded the couch and leaned down to heft her into his arms. “Bed.”
She dazedly wrapped her arms around his neck and lay her cheek against his shoulder. “You know how to make soup?”
“I do.”
“That’s pretty cool.”
“Well, I’m pretty cool.”
She giggled softly. “You are.”
He maneuvered them into her bedroom and hooked his foot into her comforter, pulling it down so he could deposit her in bed.
She groaned. “Did you just use your foot to do that?”
“Yes, I did,” he replied as he covered her back up. “And you can’t do anything about it right now, so you’re just gonna have to deal.”
Grabbing a kleenex out of the box on her nightstand she blew her nose and muttered, “Fine, but I remember things, don’t you forget that.”
“Tell me again about how I made you soup tonight?”
“Shut up.”
With a heavy blink, she let herself drift into the comfortable softness of her bed. She vaguely registered Scott’s return with two pills and a glass of water, only mildly aware of her grumbling at him for making her sit up, before she fell asleep. At some point in the night she woke, mind foggy, and groaned at the pounding in her head. She rolled over only to find herself bumping against someone she could only presume to be Scott.
“Go back to sleep, T.”
“Can’t. Head is full of drippy cotton.”
“That sounds rough,” he replied, warmth in his voice.
“Don’t laugh at me.”
“I’m not.”
“Yes you are,” she grumbled, shoving at him lightly.
“What are you gonna do about it?”
“I’m gonna get you sick, that’s what,” she replied.
“Oooh big talk there, Virtch.”
She rolled back over, yanking roughly at the blanket. “And I don’t know how to make soup.”
“Stay there. I’m coming to get you.”
“Scott, no, I’m fine.”
“Stay there . I am coming to get you,” he repeated firmly before hanging up.
She sighed. It was just a little snow. She was Canadian, for god’s sake. She slumped back in her seat, immediately regretting the silly “the snow has begun!” text she had sent.
Half an hour later, Scott pushed his way through the door of the coffee shop, grinning at her.
“I could have been home by now,” she said as a greeting.
“Virtch, I know you don’t like to hear this but you can’t drive for shit in the snow.”
“Says you!” she exclaimed.
“Says everyone ,” he responded, sliding into the booth across from her. “Besides, if you didn’t insist on coming all the way out to Pointe-Claire for coffee things would be different.”
“This is the only place that has that flourless chocolate souffle that I like,” she said.
“I’m aware,” he responded with a smile.
“What’s your big plan here?” she asked, still miffed that he had come to rescue her.
“My plan is ‘get Tessa home safely.’”
“What, you’re just going to drive behind me the whole way to make sure I don’t somehow ding a parked car?”
He scoffed. “I didn’t drive here, Tess. I took a cab. I’m the only one that will be driving today, thank you very much. For the safety of all parked cars and such.”
She paused. “You took a cab?” He nodded. “That’s like a fifty dollar cab ride.”
“Yeah, so you should probably be being nicer to me right now,” he replied. He kicked her foot lightly under the table. “Let’s head out.”
She stood and pulled on her coat, laughing as he pointedly stuck his hand into her bag, rummaging for her keys and keeping it out of reach until he found them.
“Ready?” he asked. She nodded and let him take her hand and lead her into the softly settling whiteness outside.
“You’re important too.”
She stopped in the middle of her speech. “What?”
He took a bite of his broccoli and looked at her. “You were saying that I need to remember that my family is important and make time for them during this insanity, even if it means I disappear on weekends. And I’m saying you’re important too.”
“You see me all the time.”
“I know that. But it’s important for me to make time for you away from the rink too.”
Her brow crinkled in confusion and he laughed. “Eat your dinner, T.”
“Does that mean you aren’t going to Ilderton this weekend? Because I had a whole thing planned for when you were gone.”
He laughed. “I’m going.”
She smiled, gratefully. “Okay. Perfect.”
“But you’re coming with me.”
“Stay over.”
It was said so quietly that Tessa wasn’t completely sure that she’d heard it at all. She took another hesitant step toward the door of his apartment, and stopped as she heard a grumble from behind her. She turned and let out a soft giggle. A half-asleep Scott had one eye open and was stretching his hand out toward her, trying in vain to grab her by her hoodie.
“Stay,” he said again.
They had decided that they had earned an evening of wine and Netflix after they had busted their asses so hard on the ice that week, but it seemed their bodies had decided they had earned sleep, sending them into a deep slumber before the first episode of House of Cards had ended. She’d woken hours later, disoriented, to find Scott curled into her back, arm wrapped firmly around her waist. She’d disengaged herself slowly and tried to make it out the door and back to her place without waking him, but clearly she had failed.
With a soft cry of triumph he managed to hook his fingers under the hem of her hoodie and yanked her backwards. She fell back to couch with all the grace of a newborn deer and laughed as Scott twisted her back into the position she’d been in before they had woken and pulled the blanket up over her head when she tried to protest.
“Stay,” he said again, an air of finality in his voice as he nuzzled into the back of her neck, his breath evening out quickly as he drifted back to sleep.
“Don’t cry.”
She laughed as he wiped away the tears on her cheeks. “It’s good crying.”
“I know it is,” he said with a smile. “But when you cry it makes me want to cry and I’m wearing eyeliner.”
She sniffled and laughed again. “We did it.”
“Yes we fucking did.”
They only had a few moments to themselves before they had to be back on the ice, and they could still vaguely hear the yelling of the crowd, but for right now it was just them, in the middle of South Korea, dazed and happy and laughing and crying.
“Wow.”
He froze.
“Didn’t I hear something about ice being slippery the other day? Where did I hear that?” the mirth-filled voice said from behind him.
He dropped his head and sighed. He’d earned this.
Turning around he caught her wide grin. “Go on, get it all out,” he said.
“Perfect, okay. How’s that job as a freelance ice flatness inspector going?”
He groaned. “Are they all going to be like this?”
“I knew you’d fallen for me, but it didn’t need to be literally. Oh, oh! Why did the lions move at the end of the summer?”
He didn't answer and she nudged him with an eager look on her face. “Why?” he answered, resignedly.
“Because the pride goeth before the fall.” For a beat he just stared at her, and then turned on his heel to walk away. With a laugh, she followed.
“Did you just google ‘puns for fall’?” he asked.
“I did, yes,” she replied. “What do you call a man that loves autumn? That’s right, you call him a fall guy. And then of course there’s the classic - have a nice trip, see you next fall.”
Unable to take anymore he turned around swiftly and wrapped his arms around her tightly, lifting her off her feet. She laughed loudly and wrapped her arms around his neck.
“Enough, woman,” he said, walking forward, carrying her down the hall as she clung to him.
“Never,” she replied.
He carried her in silence for a moment, just enjoying the feeling of her arms around him, before he deposited her next to her wardrobe.
“Your allotted mocking time has run out,” he told her.
“But I didn’t even get to use ‘Hold onto your nuts - fall is here!’” she said.
Against his better judgment he burst into laughter. “You are such a nerd , oh my god,” he said, leaning forward to kiss her.
“One more chapter.”
She smiled behind her book. “You’re not the boss of me.”
“I am the boss of this bunk,” he muttered. “And you’re keeping me up.”
She laughed. “You can sleep in the car outside of a rink in the snow, but you can’t sleep with the light on in a tour bus?”
“Yes.”
“ Weak .”
He opened one eye and looked at her. “You think you’re cute.”
“So do you.”
He closed his eyes. “One more chapter.”
She grinned to herself and flipped a page. She could probably get away with two.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
The slipup didn't come during any of the interviews as they both expected it would, and he took great joy in the fact that a video of her calling him ‘sweetie’ went up on Instagram, regardless of how vehemently she denied that not only was that not what she had said, she hadn't even been talking to him .
He survived segment after segment, pulled off an almost convincing ‘my marriage’ without even looking at her, but it all fell apart during the workout. He got a little distracted, it wasn't the worst thing. But when they were watching it later online, she dissolved into giggles as she kept replaying the ten seconds of him watching her slack-jawed until she gave him a look and he remembered he was actually supposed to be doing something.
“Listen,” he said. “If you saw you then you’d understand.”
“I see me all the time!” she replied. “I see me more than anyone else.”
“First of all, I see you more than anyone else, and second of all, you don’t see you the way I see you, so.”
She tilted her head with a smile. “See, I can’t mock you when you say things like that.”
“Well then it’s safe to say that I win.”
“Nope,” she said immediately.
“Yup.”
“I think so, ‘sweetie.’ ”
She smacked him hard on the leg. “For the last time that’s not what I said!”
He laughed. “I think I double win.”
“You don’t win at all , let alone twice.”
“You’re really going to be competitive about this, of all things?”
“Of course I am,” she responded. “And so are you.”
“Nope.”
“Yup.”
He knocked the phone out of her hand and rolled on top of her, pinning her to the bed. He gave her a proud grin. “Oh, what was that? Right, I think I just won a third time. Three-time Tessa Loses champion. I’ll take my medal any time.”
She laughed and struggled against him. He leaned in to place playful, nipping kisses along her neck, and, really, he should have seen it coming - she had lost none of her Olympic fitness and before he truly realized what was happening, he was flat on his back, Tessa straddling his hips, her hands holding his wrists.
She grinned wickedly. He stammered slightly, “Okay that was just...really hot.”
She laughed. “So do I win then?”
“I could easily break out of this,” he pointed out.
“And yet you aren’t,” she replied sweetly as she leaned over him to nip at his lips teasingly.
“No, I’m not,” he replied in a low voice as she began rolling her hips slightly.
“And that’s why I win,” she said as she kisses him.
“It brings out your eyes.”
She swallowed hard and turned to look at him and her breath caught in her throat at the sight of him. Goddamn if he couldn’t pull off a tux. When they were younger, he tended to look like a little boy wearing his dad’s clothes, even into his twenties, but now...now his shoulders broadly filled space of his jacket, and she found her eyes following the buttons of his shirt down his chest.
“You look amazing,” she said softly.
He looked down, cheeks pink, and back up at her with a strained smile. “That was going to be my line.”
She felt tears prick at her eyes and blinked them back.
“I mean it though,” he continued, voice slightly muted. “You always look so good in green.”
“Gorgeous green,” she joked half-heartedly.
He looked away and nodded.
Things weren’t right, they weren’t right, but here they were. He had things he wanted to say and she had things she couldn’t say, and they were at an impasse. Like they had been for weeks. She was sure that her anger still simmered somewhere beneath the surface, but she didn’t have the energy to find it, not today.
“Ready?” he asked.
“Yeah,” she replied, pulling her jacket up over her shoulders.
As they made their way down to the car waiting for them. “Did you skin a Muppet for that jacket?”
A laugh bubbled up from within her. He looked at her with a smirk.
They would be okay. For today they would be okay.
“I love you.”
Tessa jumped, turning to find Scott standing behind her. The last thing she had expected as she waved her niece off out the back door of the Ilderton Skating Club was Scott appearing behind her and declaring his love for her.
“What are you doing here?” she asked.
“Did you not hear me?” he responded.
“No I heard you,” she said. “I just don’t believe you.”
“It’s still true whether you believe it or not.”
She frowned. “Did something happen? I thought...I mean...I thought we agreed-”
“We were wrong. And also stupid,” he cut in. “What the hell are we doing, T? We are too old for this shit.”
She sighed. “I know.”
“I love you. Do you love me?” he asked.
“Yes,” she said simply.
“Then, that’s it. The end. No more discussion necessary.”
“Scott,” she started, but he moved toward her and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into him tightly.
“No discussion necessary.”
She smiled slightly, letting herself sink into the warmth of him, her hands pressed to his back, feeling it rise and fall with every breath he took. “Everything that was a problem before is still a problem now,” she said quietly.
“Maybe,” he responded. “But I honestly don’t care. We’ll figure it out.”
She wanted to believe him. Her mind scanned the years and the moments that made up their history, the words and gestures that were all bits and pieces of the road leading them to this exact point in time. She let herself feel the pain and the anger of the disagreements and the fear and the confusion of the end of the tour and where they had ended up, the jealousy and hurt roiling in her stomach. They had just hurt each other so much and even the thought of going through that again made her feel like she was going to be sick.
“I don’t know think I can go through that again,” she whispered.
“Good. You won’t,” he said firmly.
“You don’t know that.”
“Tess, you know as well as I do that the only person in the world that can out-stubborn you is me.”
She huffed out a quiet laugh and he pulled back to look at her. She searched his eyes for some hesitation or doubt, but he just looked at her like he, well, really like he always did and it was enough.
“Okay,” she said.
“Ugh, finally ,” he said with a smirk before he leaned in to kiss her. “Let’s go home.”
“Which home?”
“What?”
“Well there is more than one option,” she insisted.
“God, Tess, pick a house and that’s home. Are you really talking logistics with me now?”
“Uh, yeah. Have we met?”
He growled lightly and twisted her so that her back was against his chest and nudged her to start walking forward with his hips. “You’re killing me.”
She laughed as they stumbled slightly. “Our Olympic medals are laughing at us.”
“I am okay with that, I just really need to be in a place where it’s okay for me to take off your pants.”
She stopped and twisted in his arms. “You can’t do that here?”
He blinked at her. “In the hallway next to the janitorial closet near the back exit of the Ilderton Skating Club?”
“Yes. It’s not like it would be the first time.”
He groaned. “God, that’s actually true. That’s so upsetting.”
She grinned up at him, and he pointed resolutely toward the door. “No. Home. Bed. We are adults.”
“Right. Of course.”
He tangled his fingers with hers as they pushed the back door open and made their way down the steps. Shaking her hand playfully he said, “I love you, kiddo.”
She rolled her eyes. “I love you too.”