Archive of Our Own

(And oh boy he hated being right.) 

On this particular day, Kushina suddenly decided it was all fun and games to crash on his students' workplace and celebrate the success of their newest recon mission, with the objective of surprising the twosome. Despite the constant nagging of "no, no no!!" on his brain, Minato reluctantly agreed, finding the gesture sweet and innocent and thought nothing of it. And so that's why the couple found themselves waiting just outside the Hokage's Office, bringing along a small offering in the guise of a cake.

Hand in hand, Kushina nodded at her husband, shifting the package in her hands, giddily leaning on the doorway with the blond male in tow—

"Ah."

"There?"

No response. And then—

"Ah."

"You like it that much?" 

"Stop talking and just do it, Obito." 

A low chuckle. And then a gasp, and then the sound of the table—the very own table Minato himself and the other Hokages used—creaking under an immense weight. The weight of two people, perhaps, entangled in a very unprofessional way atop the Hokage's Table, the very one used by Minato himself and those that led the entirety of Konohakagure before him.

The Yellow Flash covered his reddened face just in time as the Red-Hot Habanero, sporting her own flushed and very much angry look, slammed the door open. 

"DO YOU NOT HAVE THE DECENCY NOT TO DO THAT HERE?" She all but screeched, cheeks as red as her hair, and more shouts would have surely followed through if her jaw had not dropped open at the sight in front of her.

"Have you two heard about knocking?" Obito, face scrunched in a scowl, grumbled—perfectly in sync with Kakashi's muffled "May we help you?"

A not-naked Obito looming over a face-down Kakashi, with the black-haired man's hands on the other's very much clothed shoulders was clearly not the image they had expected to see. And then again, Minato wasn't expecting to hear some... very suspicious and suggestive sounds when trying to visit his students, so there's that. 

"Uh," was the most intelligent thing that came to Minato's mind. Kushina spluttered, jaw still slacked as she gaped wordlessly at the Hokage-Secretary duo.

"I— you—" she stumbled over her words, mouth opening and closing like a fish. "What the hell were you two doing?!"

Obito's arms sassily rose to his hips, his patented grumpy scowl furrowing deeper than before. Kakashi's head lifted from the table, looking at the disgruntled pair with a bored expression on what is left visible on his face. "Massage," the masked man said simply, a silver eyebrow raising ever-so-slightly. He leaned into his hand as he quirked his head to the side inquisitively. "My back had been aching for weeks now, and Obito wanted to help with easing it." He continued with the same deadpan tone, as though it was as obvious as the color of the sky. "Is that... not allowed here, perhaps?"

"What did you think we were doing?" Obito said, now crossing his arms in annoyance. "And what the hell are you two even doing here? Don't you two have old-people things to do?" 

The woman's already red face darkened even more, now in both embarrassment and rage, and it was at this point that Obito belatedly realized his mistake. His mismatched eyes widened almost comically, horror dawning on his scarred features as Kushina, coated in a nine-tailed aura of murder, stomped threateningly toward their direction. He choked out a nearly inaudible apology from his throat, hastily cowering behind his stoic secretary. Kakashi sighed, raising his hand to his face, mumbling something incoherent under his breath.

"You little—"

"What's that?" The white-haired man suddenly interrupted with a cheery tone, pointing an index finger towards the small parcel lying innocently on the ground. The simple gesture was enough to spur Minato's mind back to action, and he hurriedly scurried away to retrieve the forgotten goods.

"Ah!" he said, voice unnaturally loud and high-pitched. He shook the bag slightly. "Yes! Cake! Celebration!" 

"It's yours!" he added as an afterthought, awkwardly tiptoeing around his wife's menacing walk and dumping the food on the space near Kakashi's hands. "For the success of, er, your recent mission. We wanted to congratulate you both!"

The corners of Kakashi's lone eye crinkled. "Oh, how thoughtful of you, Minato-sensei." He took the wrapped package into his hands gingerly. "You too, Kushina-san. Obito and I are very thankful. Maybe you two would like to stay so we four could enjoy the cake together?"

Obito sent Kakashi a horrified look, then looked back at the enraged Kushina, and back to the silver-haired man, fear in his eyes. "You can't possibly be—"

"It's only polite, Obito," Kakashi replied. "Not that you'd know politeness. So would you like to stay with us, Minato-sensei?"

But Minato was already walking backward, shaking his head erratically. "No! No, no, we're fine. We just planned on dropping by, honestly. Right, dear?" He didn't wait for his wife's answer. "Right! So, we better get going now. Enjoy!" On his way back to the doorframe, Minato grabbed one of Kushina's hands and sent the two males a sheepish smile before bolting out of the room and slamming the door on their speedy exit.

Silence engulfed the room. The inhabitants of the room waited with bated breath, listening in silence until Minato's and Kushina's footsteps no longer echoed within the walls of the building. Kakashi twisted to face Obito and shot the man a wink. (A blink? A wink? Nobody knows.) "Well, that was fun." 

It did not take a while for Obito's facade to shatter. He snickered, unable to keep the grin from cracking through his thoroughly practiced and well-maintained scowl. "Told you they'd take the bait." He grinned down at his secretary, leaning down and pressing a chaste kiss to the mop of silver hair.

The masked man hummed in reply. "Although," Kakashi started, looking up to the other man as he poked the bridge of his nose. Obito's face scrunched at the contact and gave Kakashi a glare, which the latter expertly ignored. "It could have ended badly for you, had you run your mouth before thinking again, you idiot." Kakashi poked at it again, much to Obito's apparent annoyance.

"Yeah, yeah," Obito grumbled, scowling as he swiped Kakashi's offending appendage off his face. He gripped it tightly in his gloved hand before releasing it, as if daring the other man to do it again. "Whatever."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "What, no thank you for saving your ass and the whole village back there?"

"Thanks," the black-haired man drawled sarcastically. He gave Kakashi a scathing look. "There, you happy now?"

"Well, just having you here makes me really happy, so."

Obito rolled his eyes, groaning. "Ugh. Shut up, Bakakashi. Spare me your shitty Icha-Icha pick-up lines."

Kakashi's eye twinkled in mirth. Or mischief. Knowing him, it's possibly both. "Make me."

"Oh yeah?" Smirking, Obito leaned in, trailing his lips on the shell of the other man's ear. "Maybe I will." Obito breathed against the sensitive flesh, making the white-haired man shudder at the contact. 

Kakashi hummed in reply. "I'm counting on it."

And then there were loud, consecutive knocks on the door, followed by a collective shout of "Hokage-sama", and the moment was ruined. Kakashi sighed.

"On second thought, Obito, maybe we really shouldn't be doing this here."

"...yeah." Scowling, Obito straightened up and pulled away from his secretary, muttering curses under his breath. "You're right. As always."

"Maa, of course. You love me for it."

"Yeah, I do, Kakashi. I really do."