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Natsuki laid on her bed, dropping her manga over her face. “I just don’t want to think about anything right now…” But no matter how much she tried taking her mind off Yuri, using manga, anime, poetry, the only thing that clouded her mind was her worry for the girl. Sleeping wasn’t even an escape. She would only dream of Yuri cutting herself, stabbing herself, killing herself and she couldn’t control it, as compared to when she was fully conscious.
Yuri has been acting weird lately, not that it was a new thing really. Natsuki has always known about her knife addiction, but it has just gotten much worse recently. “If only I could do something to help her…”
Natsuki picked up the manga from her face, continuing to read on.
“I don’t want you to hurt yourself anymore! How do I put this… I really care about you and… I’m always here for you.”
“Why do you care so much about me… All I do is get in your way…”
“It’s because… I love you!”
Sighing, Natsuki put the book down on her bedside table, her stomach rumbling. She reached into her bag for the snickers Monika gave her that day, which she conserved so well. Without finishing it completely, saving it till she really needed that boost of energy, she jumped into bed, pulling her covers over her tightly. “Love… Huh…? Maybe that’s what Yuri needs…”
Next morning was just a usual morning. Getting ready for school, finding nothing on the kitchen table, scavenging around the house for some dropped change. Having no luck, she bit into the rest of her snickers bar and sluggishly trudged to school, stripped from all energy, her last proper meal being a sandwich Yuri gave her two days ago. “I’ll make some cupcakes once I get home. I can’t do this anymore.”
It wasn’t like she didn’t know how to cook for herself, nor was the kitchen completely empty. Just her worry for Yuri burned away all her own motivation to do things, even starving herself close to death because she couldn’t be bothered to make anything and it wasn’t like her dad was ever going to cook something for her. If he wants dinner, he goes out to eat, and returns empty-handed for Natsuki. She could never cook herself something in front of him either. She’d just get shouted at for wasting ingredients, as usual.
Once she finally reached the school and entered her classroom, which felt like an entire hike through a desert and back, she collapsed into her chair, laying her head down on the table, and just slept. Nobody cared when she slept. They all knew she had issues at home and was constantly very tired.
She slept through first period, and then also through second. Once third period arrived, even she didn’t feel like sleeping. Never focusing anyway, Natsuki stared out of the window, into the corridor, her eyes almost shutting themselves again, until she saw a certain purple haired girl carrying a certain glinting object. “She can’t be ditching class for this…”
Excusing herself from the lesson, saying she was feeling really lightheaded, which wasn’t rare, Natsuki dashed off, following the other girl. Standing in front of the girls bathroom, Yuri looked around, making sure nobody was nearby, and made her way into a stall. Naturally, Natsuki followed her. The otaku already knew her procedures. First Yuri would start with some heavy, uneven panting, and soon followed by moans of pleasure. Not even screams. They probably weren’t even scream-worthy to Yuri anymore.
Natsuki followed Yuri every single time, not knowing if she knew that she was being followed, but everytime she did this, Natsuki’s heart wrenched. Why did she suddenly start doing this to herself more, Natsuki thought. How much pleasure does it even bring? Not that she’d ever try it out herself. “That’s it. I’m going to talk to her after school. Monika will probably be late practicing piano again anyway.”
Once the moaning stopped, Natsuki knew it was time to leave. Instead of going back to class, she ran upstairs to the rooftop, which was usually locked. It was the only place where she could be alone so she found herself a spare key which was kept in the infirmary where she went so much due to fainting in class.
She laid on the ground, staring up at the clouds, collecting her thoughts. What she was going to say to Yuri and how she was going to do it. Her hunger overwhelming her, she closed her eyes and continued to sleep.
“-Tsuki!”
The pinkette sat up, rubbing her eyes, and slowly watching Yuri’s image forming in front of her. “Y-Yuri?”
“Thank goodness you’re alive. I heard about you from your classmates when I went to ask for you at lunch but you weren’t there. I happened to pass by Monika who suggested that I should look on the roof. I can’t believe she knew where you were exactly.”
Yuri put her bag down, pulling out a couple of onigiris. “Here, I bought too many. I thought that you might want one or two.”
Despite the two seeming to fight a lot with Monika around, and when Sayori was still alive, the two did get along in private, though they would never admit that to each other nor anyone else. Yuri always helped out Natsuki with her hunger issues, as did Monika and Sayori when she was still around. “I don’t know what I would do without you, Yuri… Thank you so much…”
Yuri replied with a smile, before pulling out her book, reading while nibbling at her rice ball.
“She helps me so much… I have to do something for her…”
Feeling re-energised after chowing down her food, Natsuki mustered up the courage. “H-Hey Yuri… After school, I wanna talk to you about something…” Realising how out of character that was, Natsuki furiously blushed, avoiding eye contact. “Don’t get the wrong idea. It’s nothing serious. I’ll be waiting for you here.”
“I’ll come.” And that was all Natsuki needed to lift all the stress off her shoulders, not that it was the end of it. She had only asked her for her time. There was much more to come, and she didn’t know if she had it in her. But she’d try, as Yuri seemed to always try for her.
The bell rung, signalling that lunch was over. Yuri packed away her stuff and waited for Natsuki to leave too.
“Oh no, I’m just going to stay here. It doesn’t make a difference whether or not I’m in class anyway.”
Knowing that there was no helping it, Yuri felt disheartened and went off to class alone. Even if she could cure her stomach, it would take a lot more to cure her anxiety over her classmates.
The end-of-school bell sounded, waking Natsuki up from her slumber. Yuri was very kind, even if she wasn’t the greatest at social interactions either, so she wouldn’t ditch her without a legitimate reason. Natsuki’s heart was throbbing so hard she thought she was going get a heart attack and die before she’d be able to help Yuri. Yes, this was all for helping Yuri. It had nothing to do with herself. That’s what Natsuki kept telling herself, to keep her confidence up. It wasn’t to make herself happy, it was for Yuri.
“Natsuki? Are you here?” Yuri’s voice came from behind the door, which soon after swung open. “What did you want to talk about?”
Natsuki took a deep breath and looked the cityscape, a perfect sunset orange blending into a nightly violet, just like the confessions Natsuki watched in anime.
“I’ve been really worried about you recently, Yuri…” She says, gripping tightly onto her skirt. “I don’t know if you realized but every time I noticed you leave class, I followed you… I’m sorry. Today as well. I just… Can’t stop worrying about you.”
Yuri stayed silent but listened intently, knowing that Natsuki hasn’t finished.
“This probably doesn’t sound like me but you always do so much for me but I never give anything back.”
Yuri frantically waves her arms, “No no, you don’t have to. As your senpai it wouldn’t look good on me if I didn’t help you out.”
Shaking her head, the younger girl continued. “That’s not it. You probably feel sorry for me, seeing me starve as my dad doesn’t give me anything.”
No response.
“So at least let me feel sorry for you and let me be here for you.”
Yuri shut her eyes, feeling the cool breeze of the evening quickly settling in. “Why would you want to do such things for me. I’m just a weirdo who has a weird obsession with knives.”
“Would that make me a weirdo because I like you?”
The taller girl opened her eyes, to see Natsuki’s face scrunched up, her eyes brimming with tears.
Her throat feels hoarse, but she managed to choke it out. “Yuri, I think I’ve fallen in love with you.”
With all of her energy, Natsuki ran up to the other girl, and wrapped her arms around her torso tightly. “Please let me stay with you.”
Returning the hug, Yuri gently patted the shorter girl’s fluffy hair. “I should be the one asking you to stay with me. Thank you for worrying about me.”
With that, the two stood there in the evening air, lifting the weights off each other’s shoulders. Yuri knew that there was probably was no way that she could get over her knife addiction, but seeing how much it hurt Natsuki, she would try to fight against it more, no matter how much Monika was trying to change her. She would do it for Natsuki, as she knew that Natsuki is fighting for her.