Chapter Text
Picking up a phone call while swinging through Brooklyn at roughly three blocks per second at a five story height wouldn't exactly be recommended by your average driving instructor, but Jeremy Heere did it anyway.
Taking care not to let his phone slip as he fumbled for the answer button, he shot another strand of web fluid towards a distant building and pulled himself another block closer to his target. He pressed the phone to his ear. “Hey.”
“Dude, where are you?” Michael demanded. Jeremy could hear the distant sounds of a fight on his friend's side of the line. Or that could have just been the wind whistling through his mask. “We need backup, stat.”
“Why yes, Michael, I'm having a good day,” Jeremy replied, holding his phone a bit tighter as he rappelled down a bit, readying to land. “I just finished lecturing a gang on life choices, dude, what's up?”
“Jeremy,” Michael groaned. “Get your ass over here. Evan's down for the count, and you know Connor's method is to stab first and ask questions later.”
Jeremy snorted to himself. “Shouldn’t you be helping then? Instead of taking a phone break?” He carefully maneuvered himself so that he could latch onto the side of the building without jostling things too much. He easily dropped down onto the safety of the street below.
“Well, you see, that’s the thing about telekinesis, Jeremiah. It’s more of a mind thing. Hands aren’t necessarily required.” Michael’s voice remained as light and easy as ever despite the harsh crashing sounds emanating from the background.
Jeremy just smiled, rolling his eyes to himself. “Is Jared there? And can I get a better reading on the location other than just ‘over here’?”
“A block away from that pizza place we always go to,” Michael muttered. “And Jared's back home. I think he's got leads on another case that he claims is top priority.”
“Ten bucks says he's taking a nap.” Jeremy aimed for the opposite street and swung himself up, doing an unnecessary flip midair before swinging himself towards Michael's specified location.
“Yeah, probably.” There was a loud crash and Michael swore creatively. “Jeremy, I love you and all, but please hurry your Spandex-clad ass up.”
“On the way, geez.” Jeremy deposited himself on the rooftop of a building, not pausing to rest before running and leaping over the gaps between blocks. Despite that, he was barely winded. “Who are you up against?”
“Some dude who calls themselves Scorpion. Minor villain, I'd guess. He's got these weird things that shoot darts. Connor can't stab darts.”
Jeremy reached his destination and peered down. Sure enough, he saw Michael and Connor facing off against a dark figure, the former seemingly holding a shield as Connor tried to maneuver around the darts. “Got a visual.”
He leaped over the edge and landed on top of a dumpster, startling a large family of rats. “Hey there,” he said to the stunned villain. “Sorry for dropping in. Not sorry for quoting Jake Peralta.”
Michael grunted, not taking his eyes off of the villian. “Hey, thanks for joining us, babe. Less talky more fighty, please.”
Jeremy took note that the villain, Scorpion, seemed only mildly perturbed at the arrival of yet another superhero. Or maybe he was considered a vigilante? Whatever. He quickly assessed the situation. “Are those just sleepy time darts or, like, death darts?”
Connor managed to weave his way around, moving with a practiced speed as he moved in, getting in a quick slash at the man’s side.
Scorpion span around, instantly taking a swing at Connor. He dodged it easily, managing to get in another slash while the man was off guard.
Jeremy hopped down from the dumpster, quickly shooting a small mass of webbing directly the end of Scorpion’s firing mechanism. It wouldn’t block it for very long, but it gave them time.
“Watch it,” Michael called out in warning as a large chunk of rock sailed over just over Jeremy’s head, smashing into the back of the villain and successfully knocking him to the ground.
Jeremy squeaked in response. “Did you have to get so close to my head with that?!”
Connor snorted as he moved back in to attempt to deal some damage to the device Scorpion was using to fire the darts while he was dazed. “You guys are shit at flirting.”
“I’d say I rock at it, actually,” Michael joked, thrusting his fist out, lifting another loose brick and hurtling it at Scorpion’s weapons. There was a loud satisfying crunch as the device cracked.
With a few quick movements, Jeremy had encased their enemy’s fists and mouth in fluid but strong webbing, pinning him to the ground and rendering him speechless in a physical way. Finally, Connor brought the butt of his knife down hard and knocked Scorpion out cold.
“That’s the eighth dude we’ve had to fight this week,” Michael said, wiping his hands on the smooth fabric of his hero suit. “Is it just me, or is the crime rate spiking?”
“Considering it’s only Wednesday, yeah,” Connor agreed.
Jeremy sighed. Then a sudden thought hit him- “Wait, where’s Ev?”
“Oh, yeah.” Michael turned and held out his hand, concentrating. A pile of bricks at the end of the alley shifted, revealing an unconscious, battered, but seemingly okay Evan.
Turning to his boyfriend, Jeremy asked, “You buried him in bricks?”
“What? It was in the middle of fighting and calling you.”
Connor went over to examine his boyfriend, lifting Evan in his arms almost effortlessly and carrying him over to his friends. “We should get going. Police should be arriving any second, and while they think Jere’s all in all decently okay, they’re still pissed at me for some reason.”
“Maybe it was because of that Queens incident,” Michael suggested.
The mercenary made a face. “I wrecked one building.”
“Because you were on your way to kill someone,” Jeremy said.
“In my defense, the payday was good.”
Michael snorted. “Alright. Let’s go home. Maybe Jared’s got some good news.”
Connor hummed, already making his way down the street. “Does he ever?”
Jeremy just laughed, shaking his head. “Good point.” He bumped Michael’s shoulder with his own. “If you want I can just swing us home, y’know. Sorry, Connor, only room for one passenger, though.”
Michael bumped him back, shooting him a look. “If I agree to that you’re just gonna take me to a roof to make out again. Your absolute thirst never stops, Heere.”
Jeremy just pouted in response. “Maybe not, but in my defense making out is a very fun pastime.”
“Once again, you two are sickening,” Connor cut in. “Either go bang on the empire state building or hush. The child is trying to sleep over here.” He readjusted Evan in his arms slightly. “Don’t taint him with your sad horniness.”
Michael snorted unattractively. “I’m sure you do a great job tainting him on your own, buddy.”
Jeremy nodded in agreement. “I’d say so, considering the things we’ve heard coming from you guys’ bedroom.”
“I will stab you,” Connor threatened, clearly not meaning it. “Stab. You.”
“Funny, that’s not what you were saying to Jared last ni-”
“That’s it,” the merc growled. “Michael, catch.”
“Wha-” Michael thrust out his hands and managed to barely prevent Evan from falling to the ground as Connor dropped him and started running after Jeremy. “This really puts a new perspective to ‘drop everything and run’.”
Laughing, Jeremy webbed a passing streetlight and pulled himself onto the top of it, flipping Connor off while hanging upside down. Connor grabbed a knife and cut through his friend’s webbing, causing Jeremy to yelp and desperately swing himself to the side of the nearest building in an effort to regain his balance.
“I hope this isn’t how things usually go in the bedroom!” Jeremy yelled down at Connor as he leaped to the top of the building and pulled his mask up just enough to stick his tongue out at the other. Their laughter and taunts echoed off the buildings and alleys as the two continued to chase each other down the streets of New York and towards their way home.
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Jared Kleinman, although a genius hacker and a part-time vigilante whose skills with a gun combined with his ability to manipulate electricity made him one of the most powerful heroes in the city (discounting Jeremy, Michael, Connor, and Evan), preferred to spend his time lounging at home doing whatever he wanted. And since he was a software engineer by day, he could work from home. Making him the world’s nerdiest crime-fighting superhero.
“Home already? It’s like, three in the afternoon,” was his greeting as the three- four, if you counted the unconscious hero- stepped through the front door.
“And hello to you too,” Michael grumbled. “No, we’re fine. No, no new stab wounds. Yes, we finished the job. No, no trauma.”
“Shocking.” Jared glanced up at them and set his laptop aside. “No making out on the top of Times Square billboards, I hope?”
Jeremy tsked, pulling off his mask and tossing it onto the counter. “You get caught making out one time and suddenly you’re the billboard boys. At least me and Michael don’t have to invest in rope.”
Jared just shrugged it off, smirking. “Evan loves being tied down, what can I say? We strive to please the man.”
Connor thumped him. “Shut up, dumb ass.”
“You guys are so loving,” Michael teased. “Very cute.”
“Cute isn’t in Connor’s dictionary,” Jeremy opposed. “He’s too edgy and cool. Strictly badass.”
Connor scoffed. “I didn’t come here to be harassed like this.”
Jared hummed, grinning smugly. “As fun as all this ass talk is, shouldn’t we be caring for our unconscious hero boy over here?”
“What the fuck is ‘ass talk’?” Jeremy asked, scrunching up his nose. “We weren’t talking about any asses.” He hesitated. “Were we?”
Michael patted Jeremy’s shoulder. “No, babe. No ass. I know that’s hard for you to hear.”
Connor just rolled his eyes, carrying Evan over to the couch and laying him down. “He took a pretty wicked hit. I’ll have to find him some advil. He’s definitely gonna have a headache. I know I sure do, and that’s just from listening to you guys.”
“How rude,” Jeremy pouted.
“What happened to Ev?” Jared asked, concern showing in his voice.
“Tranq darts,” Connor said. “He did make an earthquake before he passed out though. That’s where we got our brick supply.”
“Brick supply?” Jared looked around at his friends. “Never mind. I don’t need to hear it. I do have news, though. I’m not sure if we should wait for Evan to wake up first, or…”
“Good news, or bad news?” Michael asked.
“It really depends on the viewer’s perspective, doesn’t it?”
Shrugging, Connor sat down on an armchair and leaned back, stretching. “How bad is it?”
“I’m not sure,” Jared said, pulling his laptop closer and typing rapidly. “I’ve got a file pulled up. It’s like some kinda freaky drug case, but I’ve never heard of this- I’m not sure if it’s even a drug.”
“Can I see?” Jeremy asked. Jared nodded and passed the laptop to him. The friendly neighborhood Spider-Man raised an eyebrow at the briefing file. “Keanu Reeves?”
“I didn’t have a pic of the perp. I grabbed a random photo off the ‘net.”
“There’s not really a lot of info here,” Michael said, reading over Jeremy’s shoulder. “Something about quantum processors. This some kind of Pym tech?”
“Just because they put the word ‘quantum’ in front of something doesn’t make it Hank Pym related,” said Connor.
“More importantly,” Jeremy cut back in. “Why Keanu? What did he do to you that you chose him to be the face of the potential crime ring?”
“No one said it was a ring,” Jared pointed out. “Don’t overestimate them like that, that’s what makes them feel good at night.”
“Why would you say it like that?”
Connor spoke up from his chair. “Shouldn’t we be talking about the new potential threat?”
“You’re not gonna get your dick sucked with that attitude, Connor.”
Jeremy groaned, dramatically falling back against Michael’s chest as though he were wilting. “Please. An ounce of shame. I’m begging.”
“I’m not the one who was making out on a billboard!”
Michael just shook his head, arms automatically snaking around Jeremy’s waist to hold him up. “This conversation is like experiencing a small slice of hell.”
Jared beamed proudly. “That means I’m doing a good job!”
Connor spoke up again. “So, the drug thing? Can we hear more about that?”
“Maybe.”
“Jared, this isn’t like a middle school rumor. It’s a crime. In real life.” Connor shot him a pointed look. “Behave, would you?”
“If I don’t listen when you say that when we’re in bed, what makes you think I would listen now?”
“You know, I think I’ll just google it on my own,” Michael said. “This conversation just keeps getting worse. I’m going to go take a nap.”
Jared tsked, pouting. “Ok, fine! For real though, maybe we should wait for Ev first. Repeating stuff is annoying.”
“Yeah, let’s wait for Ev.” Jeremy sighed. “It’s getting dark soon and I still have a project from my boss to finish up. I have to get it to him by Friday.”
“Shit, true,” Michael said, glancing at his phone. “My shift starts in like, an hour, and I’m covering double for Rich. We can discuss this tomorrow?”
“Yeah, okay,” Connor said wearily. “Have fun being the disc jockey for hundreds of horny teenagers. Until 3 in the early morning.”
“You’re one to talk about horny teenagers,” Michael muttered.
“I’ll bring Ev back to his room,” Jeremy cut in, grabbing his unconscious friend and hoisting him up with little difficulty, gently carrying him upstairs. Evan shifted in his arms, exhaling softly before continuing to sleep. Why was it always the villains who got the good gear? All Jeremy had was a radioactive spider bite and the power of chemistry.
He left Evan in his room, sprawled on the bed, and he went back to his own. He changed out of his suit quickly, hanging it up carefully in his closet. Sitting down on a beanbag in the corner, dressed in a comfortable Apocalypse of the Damned T-shirt and sweatpants, Jeremy turned Jared’s potential case over in his mind.
Drug cases weren’t unusual in their area of expertise- re: crime-fighting- but he had a bad feeling about this one for some reason. Jeremy made a mental note to find out what was it with Jared and Keanu before getting up from the beanbag and reaching for his laptop. It was time to work for his share of the rent.
As a video-game designer, it was Jeremy’s job to write a storyline plot for a new and upcoming game from a considerably well-known company. He smirked to himself as he opened up a document containing a vague outline of his idea- a game with five teenage heroes as its protagonists, and various weird villains as each level’s antagonist.
He wrote down another idea (’scorpion-like thing-person with tranq dart shooting mechanisms and lack of safety precautions against rocks’), and saved the document. His legal, official job was a breeze. His second, secret job? Not so much. But in the end, it was all fine. He was a cool dude. A hero. Kind of.