Chapter Text
🎼🎼🎼🎼🎼🎼🎼🎼🎼🎼🎼
Daniel looked at the clock on the wall restlessly. The minute hand was moving steadily, little ticking noise seemed to be amplified in the small dorm room. He was alone. A small cider drink on his desk, opened jelly packet by the side, with his editing program left on idle mode, and his mind off somewhere else.
It was graduation day, for the seniors. And Daniel should be out there congratulating and celebrating with his other friends.
‘Your life does not revolve around Ha Sungwoon’, he reminded himself. But he was afraid—if he were to take a step outside, he’d be hurting himself more. He wasn’t healed, not yet, and looking at Sungwoon’s face for the last time would not do him any good. He knew he’d want to hug him, or worse, kiss him. Even for the last time, he wanted to embrace him.
He was aware how toxic it was starting to be—his type of love. He was willing to drop everything right on the spot for Ha Sungwoon. He was starting to forget himself, his self-worth, what he truly deserved. He couldn’t blame everything on Sungwoon, he did this to himself.
His hand reached out for the drink, gulped it down his throat in one go and let the tangy sensation resided in. No sojus or beers, he promised himself, but the least he could let himself have would be this cider. He took another glance at the clock—close to noon now—the ceremony must’ve been over.
Funny how a few months back, he had planned to take as many pictures as he could with Sungwoon on this day. They had planned, after the party with their other friends, Sungwoon would drive them to the nearest beach (since Daniel could not drive to save his life, yet) and celebrate on their own there. Before Daniel could go back to his monotonous college life, and Sungwoon, starting his real-life adventure, they would have one romantic gateway, just for the two of them.
Maybe that was the reason why people say not to count your chicken before they hatch. You’d never know when you’d be breaking up with your long-time boyfriend. The film camera that he bought just to take pretty pictures of Sungwoon was put on to waste on the shelf, decorating it along with the dust. Daniel sighed, looking at the thing that had caused him his two-months allowance, and thinking—maybe he could gift it to Seongwoo instead.
And before he realised it—noon had changed to night. The busy hallways grew louder, a tell-tale signal that some parties were to be held in different parts of the campus, and even around the town. His roommate, Seongwoo had even came and changed to his wild-night-out gear.
Daniel quietly observed him before commenting, “Who are you trying to impress here?”
“What’s with that judging look?” Seongwoo asked him as he shimmied into a pair of tight pants. ‘He was probably planning not to go home tonight’, Daniel thought, or ‘Should I be smart and stay somewhere else?’
“I’m telling you, Niel,” Seongwoo started again, “You should go out tonight. Feel the air of freedom—”
“It’s not even our graduation. We’re not graduating yet,” Daniel deadpanned. Seongwoo might’ve had just one year left to go but Daniel would be stuck here for the next 2 years. “And didn’t I tell you that I’m trying not to douse myself with alcohol for the time being? I don’t want to make any stupid thing that I might regret the next morning.”
Like calling Ha Sungwoon, or going straight into his room.
Seongwoo stared at him through his reflection on the mirror. He looked like he had more to say but decided against it. “Anyways,” He sighed, “If you’re changing your mind later at night, you can find me over at Jisung hyung’s.”
“It’s not like you guys won’t move somewhere else over the night.”
“I know, brat,” Seongwoo rolled his eyes, “Don’t get all cheeky with me, I’m still your hyung. I’m just laying the options for you. After all, everyone misses you. Go out, have fun, forget everything. You’re still young. You have a lot more waiting for you. Don’t lose hope just because of a heartbreak. We, the bros, will forever be here for you, Niel-ah.”
Easier said than done, Daniel thought, slumping against his seat. He said ‘fine’ anyway, just to make Seongwoo exit from the room quicker. He wanted to be sad all by himself.
“Remember what I said,” Seongwoo said before closing the door behind him, and Daniel bid his roommate a half-enthusiastic goodbye.
🎵🎵🎵
Daniel didn’t know what had come over him. He was outside, far away from his plan of staying inside his cave and facing the dance video he’d been trying to edit over the span of the day.
He didn’t know what made him change his mind. Was it the long-ass voicemail Jaehwan had sent him, asking for his hot leather jacket that he wanted to borrow for the night, or was it Woojin’s dancing clip, letting it all loose on top of a table, looking all so contented with life that Jisung had sent him over an hour ago? Or was it Jihoon’s cursed chat message in Kakao, that blurrily caught Sungwoon’s pixelated self who was fighting with Jinyoung for a turn in the karaoke setlist.
Daniel knew right away that Sungwoon was gone—he preferred singing alone when it comes to the karaoke, so for him to be going after Jinyoung’s ass who’s forever known for his mic-addict identity, it meant that several shots had settled in nicely within him. In short, he was very drunk.
And right now, instead of the soft murmuring of his overworked laptop and ticking clock, he was accompanied by the retching noise of Sungwoon puking his entire dinner in the back alley of their third stop of the night.
He didn’t know why he was there, patting his ex-boyfriend’s back, when he should’ve been doing something more productive. Like editing that damned video he’d been attempting to for the past few days.
Maybe it was Sungwoon’s happy expression when Daniel had finally showed his face in the karaoke room the group had rented out for the night, it could also be his aegyo (resulted from his drunken self) when offering (read: pouring) a few shots for Daniel who’d been anal about his alcohol when everyone else was already shots deep into the night. Or simply due to the fact that Daniel hadn’t been able to move on from said man.
Excuses aside, it couldn’t be denied that Daniel had felt responsible and committed to be the one who’s taking care of a very drunk Sungwoon.
“Are you okay, hyung?” Daniel asked, tone kept a minimal. He wasn’t mad, nor was he elated to see Sungwoon like this. He just felt so, so tired.
“I can’t feel my toes,” Sungwoon croaked out. And when Daniel peeked down to check on his leg, he saw that Sungwoon’s feet was sans any shoe. Where on earth, did he lose his shoes? Daniel sighed, hands elevated from Sungwoon’s back to palm his face. Why did he get himself roped into this situation?
“No,” Sungwoon whined, puling Daniel’s attention back to him, “Pat me, don’t stop.”
“Hyung, where are your shoes?”
Sungwoon looked at him intently, and Daniel should at least be disgusted by the foamy puke residue on his lips. He should be. But the very first thought in his head was to wipe it away with his thumb. After the self-sacrifice (and Sungwoon pulling away because even in his drunk state, he was still coherent about hygiene, or the lack of), Daniel absent-mindedly wiped his stained finger on his pants.
Don’t judge him—all he wanted to do was to take care of Sungwoon.
“Pat me,” Sungwoon broke away from his momentary reverie. He pulled Daniel’s hand, put it against his back and said, “Pat me, like this.” Tap, tap, tap.
“Your shoes, hyung,” Daniel repeated as he continued soothing the back of his ex-beau. True, Sungwoon’s small feet was almost blue (he’d practically stepped over snow barefooted, considering their trip here to the back alley when he started puking his stomach out). Daniel could sacrifice his shoes, but that would make two possible frost-bite victims so he decided not to. After all, his feet were a few sizes larger than Sungwoon’s, and in the older one’s state at the moment, he was more likely to trip over himself and get hurt.
So, when the two emerged from the alley, the smaller one being piggybacked by the larger one, everyone shared a look, but they kept themselves from saying anything. One, because Sungwoon was drunk and his tendency to hurt everyone else was inevitably higher than his sober state. And second, come on, look at Daniel’s face—no one wanted to hurt him anymore so they kept their mouths shut.
“You need any help there?” Jisung asked, as he approached the two.
“I’m fine, hyung,” Daniel said, but Jisung noticed the small step backward he had taken. Sensing his mechanism, Jisung paused in his track and asked once more, “Are you sure?”
Daniel hiked the sleeping man on his back higher and secured his thighs firmly on his hold. He wasn’t sure, but he knew that he couldn’t let any other man touch Sungwoon in this state. Not that he didn’t trust his friends or Sungwoon, it was because he couldn’t trust himself to be okay seeing that.
“Where are you taking him?” Minhyun suddenly asked from the crowd. Sensing everyone’s sudden awkward gazes, he actually chuckled and shook his head, “No, I’m just—” He paused to laugh again before continuing, “I can drive you back to the dorm? If you want? I brought my car here and I didn’t have any shot just now.” Of course, Minhyun and his self-discipline.
“What about me~” Jinyoung wailed onto Minhyun’s back, “Hyung, you’re supposed to be our ride back home. I called shotgun just now!”
“I’ll come back later to fetch the rest of you,” He tried to talk to Jinyoung. Minhyun took a glance at Sungwoon who was busy sleeping and getting all comfortable behind Daniel’s back. He was snoring lightly, eyes scrunched tight and lips pouted in his tight sleep. Minhyun then looked at Daniel once more, “What do you say, Daniel?”
When Daniel took his time to answer that, Jisung offered another option, “Why don’t I call a designated driver for them? And you can take care of the younger kids?”
“But we want to go for another round!” Someone said in a slurred motion, voice laced with evident trace of alcohol.
Minhyun stared at the two for a while before nodding his head. “Okay, then,” He said. Minhyun gave Daniel a small smile before arranging for the younger ones to come with him, despite their reluctance.
Daniel took a deep breath. Exhale. Another inhale. Exhale. And then he decided to instruct Jisung to tell the drive their destination point, Sungwoon’s dorm, to occupy his time. Sungwoon lost weight, he was already light before, and now that his lean body was pliant against his back, Daniel could easily notice the difference.
“Do you want me to come with?” Jisung asked, face etched with worry.
“I’ll be fine. I’ll just drop hyung off before going back to my place.” Looking at Jisung’ unconvinced face, Daniel offered him a small smile, the one with the crinkling eyes, “Don’t look at me like that, hyung. I’m okay. Don’t worry about me.”
🎼🎼🎼
Morning came. When Sungwoon opened his eyes, his brain decided to ‘fuck it’ and dinged heavily against his will. Ah—a full hangover, he thought, when flashes of last night’s misadventures flashed through his eyes. His whole body felt heavy and he quit all attempts to get up. All limbs stretched out across his bed, as he tried to hold back the bile that threatened to come out.
When he heard some shuffling across his floor, Sungwoon’s head shot up in alarm, thus, making his migraine worse than it’d been.
“It’s me, hyung,” It sounded like Daniel. Fuck.
Sungwoon looked up from his sprawled self on the bed. It was indeed Daniel.
Daniel came closer, he was holding a glass of water and what seemed to be aspirin pills in his other hand. He settled those on Sungwoon’s nightstand. “Huh,” Sungwoon dumbly sounded, “There…banana…” He hoarsely said. There was a comb of bananas on the bedside table, which hadn’t been there when he left his room last night.
“You might get gastric,” Daniel explained, “So I got them for you. Eat those first before you take this.”
Sungwoon hesitantly got up and leaned his back against the headboard. He looked at Daniel and silently observed him. Sungwoon was positive that Daniel hadn’t come along with the group as they celebrated last night, not in his memory, but he had blacked out after Seongwoo’s ruthless mixed drink so he could only vouch minimally in that matter.
“D-did,” His pitch when off and what escaped his mouth was an off-tune word. Sungwoon halted his speech, as Daniel looked away to hide his small chuckle. Sungwoon cleared his throat before trying again, “Did you stay the night?” He asked.
“What if I did?” Daniel asked him. “Do you not like it?”
“I changed my keys. How did you let yourself in?”
“You opened the door by yourself.” Daniel replied. “I sent you back last night. And no,” He decided to tell the truth, “I did not stay the night.”
Sungwoon hummed back emptily. He reached for one banana and when Daniel tried to peel the fruit for him, he pulled away. “I’m hungover, my head hurts but I can still do this by myself.” He declared. Daniel shrugged and let Sungwoon stubbornly tried with his wobbly coordination to peel the damned thing. “How did you get in this morning?”
Daniel snatched the fruit from his hands and easily peeled the banana. He offered it back to Sungwoon and tried supressing his fondness when Sungwoon, all in his cuteness, said thanks although he grumpily did so.
“I borrowed your spare key,” He pointed at the hideout Sungwoon used to store his keys. It was under the vase, predictably, in front of his door. “I wanted to make sure that you’re alright.”
“Is that it?” Sungwoon asked.
“That’s all.” Daniel said, “I don’t have any ulterior moves, hyung. Everyone else was drunk as hell last night.” A lie. “And they all wanted to go for more rounds.” Minhyun had offered to bring them back. Another lie. “And you were missing your shoes. You couldn’t possibly be walking any more distance with your condition.” Sungwoon could easily recover when he was drinking—but it was a good thing that Daniel brought him back at that moment, or else, he would be suffering worse the next morning.
“I see,” Sungwoon said, more to himself. “I’m sorry… and thank you.”
“We’re friends, aren’t we?” Daniel smiled. Ouch, even to Sungwoon, that didn’t sound any convincing. It was just straight painful for the two of them to hear that. ‘Think of something else,’ Daniel’s brain prompted him to and so his mind decided to comment on the first thing he laid his eyes on.
“You’re done packing?” He asked. Wince, another ouch, Daniel was reminded of the looming fact that Sungwoon had graduated and it was about time that he’d be moving out from the dorm premise. He walked away, steering his eyes off from Sungwoon’s inquisitive ones. He inspected the boxes, all stacked nicely by the wall.
He saw it last night, when he put Sungwoon to bed, but the thought did not register fully in his head. The whole room seemed vacant now that most of Sungwoon’s stuffs had been packed into boxes, ready to be loaded off.
“I’ve got a lease in a building close to the studio where I’m going to work at.”
“Oh,” Daniel turned to him, “You got a job already?”
Sungwoon smiled as he finally finished his banana. He nodded, and to Daniel, it was the happiest he’d seen Sungwoon lately. It was a look he’d truly missed on Sungwoon. He deserved it. “I’m glad.” Daniel vocalised. He truly was, he felt so happy for Sungwoon. For some time, Sungwoon had been feeling scared and unsure of his future. Now that he’d cleared off the initial phase, there’d be more chance for him to do the things he loves.
“But you don’t look that happy…” Sungwoon observed.
“Yeah, well,” Daniel rubbed his back, feeling awkward that Sungwoon had successfully seen through him. “You’re leaving me behind, aren’t you?” When his own words finally settled in, Daniel rephrased his thoughts, “I mean, you’re going to be out there, being successful and living your dream, and I’d still be here. Waking up at 7, getting ready for classes, trying my best not to fall asleep in most of them…”
“Niel,” Sungwoon coaxed. Daniel hated how his heart fluttered at his tone. “We’ve been through this, haven’t we?”
Yeah, they did talk about the future and their insecurities, back when they were still together. Sungwoon had shared with him his fears and the scary expectations people have on him. And Daniel too, had showed Sungwoon his qualms and worries, his doubts, how everyone seemed too keen to leave him. His father, some of his friends when he had come out of the closet, and even Sungwoon himself. Minhyun too, if he were to be included in the equation.
“It’s just me,” Daniel laughed bitterly, “I’m just being weird…”
“It’s not weird.” Sungwoon insisted. “You know how I feel when you get like this.”
“Oh yeah?” Daniel asked, and he almost continued, ‘Then why did you leave me too?’. He bit his tongue, keeping the thoughts to himself.
“Kang Daniel,” Sungwoon called. He was done engulfing the pills and pushing it with the water. With all seriousness, he looked at Daniel. “Let’s properly end it.”
The dancer couldn’t help the scoff that escaped him. It wasn’t like things had not been over for the couple for the past few months. It wasn’t just a break, Daniel was sure of, it had been a clean break-up. Although no final words had been shared regarding the status of their relationship, it was as clear as the blue sky, that they were no longer together. Although, Daniel had always wanted to be with Sungwoon again.
“I mean it. It’s over. You should…move on, Daniel. I’ll be leaving soon…and I don’t want you to…hold on to something that’s been hurting you. Because, let’s be real here, what I did was unforgiveable.”
“That’s not up for you to say,” Daniel interrupted him.
“I cheated on you, okay.” Daniel looked away when Sungwoon stressed the whole sentence for him. He didn’t need to be reminded of it and the way Sungwoon said those lines, it brought Daniel back to the previous months, to that day. It still hurt, the wound was still bare and bleeding. Who was he trying to lie?
“I don’t love you anymore.”
Who was he trying to lie, really?
Daniel looked at the man who had cause him more heartbreaks than the span of his entire early lives. He really thought that Daniel would not see pass him, would not look at the signs—how terrible of a liar Ha Sungwoon is? His lips were trembling, bitten to keep the sobs from pouring out. His eyes were evading Daniel’s eyes, those pools of sincerest stars.
Who did he think Daniel was? A stranger?
“Are you sure, hyung?”
“The moment I step out of this university, I will get rid of every memory I have with you. I will forget you.”
Daniel took a step closer. Sungwoon really underestimated him. Underestimated the times they’d shared as one. He stopped in front of Sungwoon, by his bed. From a closer view, it was more obvious that Sungwoon was talking shit about everything.
But still, determined and stubborn as he is, Sungwoon said, “Time will heal everything. You will forget me too.”
He really won’t, Daniel, but he said nothing. He just stared as Sungwoon finally looked away. Daniel leaned closer. Without any hesitance, he took Sungwoon’s chin and kept their glances locked. A few seconds passed. He looked down, specifically on Sungwoon’s lips, and the older one did not do anything. He did not lean away or swat Daniel’s intrusive hand away.
“Even if time passes, I will always miss you. I will always love you.” Daniel said, “And I know, Sungwoon,” He gently touched Sungwoon’s lower lip, remember fully how soft they’d be, against his own. “I know that you feel the same.”
And with a weather irritatingly nice, like that fateful day, Daniel walked out of Sungwoon’s life, bearing along his heart.
🎼🎼🎼
Today too, the weather was nice. Birds were chirping, low twittering jostling him from his sleep and waking him up. It was Wednesday—wait—and Sungwoon shot up, thinking that he’d be late for—oh wait—he no longer goes to classes. Fuck. ‘What an old man’, he thought of himself, ‘You’ve graduated three years ago, grandpa.’
Sungwoon shook his head, rubbing his face with his palms. How long did he sleep for? He checked the time, and roughly calculated 3 hours of sleep. Guess that nothing was vast different from his university days and that included constant lack of sleep. His neck hurt terribly, and hey, that was probably his fault too, for not sleeping on his comfy bed. The house (yup, his owned house, bought with cash and all that) even had a king-size bed. What a waste, he peered emptily at his closed bedroom.
He hit it big. The second song he produced had featured a promising rising artist and that earned Sungwoon his first big pay check. Once your name is out there, work becomes easier and more rewarding. The royalty from the song alone had cost Sungwoon this house, and with more produced arts he came up with after that, he was no longer a struggling musician.
Sungwoon’s life was reduced to writing his music, composing, recording demo tapes, and meetings with company heads and broadcast station managers. He stretched his body, especially his fingers. They’d become numb from playing with chords the night before. He checked the keyboard, noticing that no sound was played when he pressed the keys. Upon further inspection, Sungwoon noticed that the power was unplugged, probably because he’d fallen asleep on the musical instrument, thus, creating that nonstop resonance.
That also meant that a certain someone was here the night before.
Sungwoon needed not to look far, just across the living room, a certain lump on the sofa could be seen. Judging from the bird nest of a hair in that shaded form, Sungwoon inferred that it was most probably Jihoon.
The younger one must’ve let himself in last night. Sungwoon finally got up from his seat and walked towards the sleeping Jihoon. He poked the younger one’s cheek to wake him up. “Hey intruder,” He rustled (well, an attempt, albeit a futile one) him awake, “What are you here for?”
“Shut up, hyung,” Jihoon grumbled in his sleep before pulling the blanket to cover more of himself. What a brat, Sungwoon thought, but he let the younger one continuing his sleep. He was once like that, he thought, remembering his past frequent sleepovers at Junhyuk’s studio, or Jisung’s worn-out couch.
The weather was nice, Sungwoon observed from the window, looking over the view from the top where his apartment unit was situated. If he was a bit energetic, he’d be down there over at Han River to at least jog. He rubbed his bumpy stomach, missing his once shaped abdomen. Well, Sungwoon sighed, it was nice to feel and touch once upon a memory.
He fixed the morning coffee for both him and Jihoon. He knew the younger one would be looking for food the moment his eyes blink open so he warmed a ready-made pizza in the microwave. They were both not quite fond of caffeine in their university days, and Sungwoon linked their dependency on the drink with age and laziness to get a healthier diet.
Everyone knew they had a phase where they were not talking and were instead, ignoring each other completely. But one day, Jihoon came over, to his poor excuse of a one-room house and cried—he had just had a fight with Woojin and only Sungwoon was on his mind. After asking around from the older hyungs, he found out where Sungwoon was living at the moment and ambushed his front door.
Fists were almost exchanged, more heartfelt talks (more like screams), and the next morning, Jihoon left the door with more than one problem solved. That evening, Sungwoon called Woojin over and ‘talked’ to him. That was the start of the two younger friends’ relationship. Being the catalyst to that deadly combination, the two seemed Sungwoon worthy enough for them to bother and have sleepovers at.
It was as simple as that, mending his friendship with Jihoon and Woojin. Well, they come in a package and Woojin actually had no problems in being friends with Sungwoon, still. Anyways, time passed, and even three years later, their bond remained strong and sturdy.
Looking at the blue sky and even the light traffic down the road made Sungwoon somehow melancholic. Sad. Tired. Like he couldn’t keep up with all the happiness the world brings. He turned the radio on, hoping that songs with titles like ‘Don’t Forget’ or another one equivalent to a sad connotation like ‘Spring Breeze’ would be played and could help himself drown further in his self-induced sorrow. Only upbeat songs were running in the background, singing ‘I Wanna Know~’ and ‘party all day~’ or ‘good day~’, as if making fun of his troubled heart.
His alarm rang, purposely set to a later time, and when he finally looked at the screen, he saw several missed calls from his friends. He had one from Jongin and another two from Moonkyu, who were both probably calling him to scream about their fun vacation at Cebu over the weekend. Jongin was quite vocal about buying him a plane ticket to join them but Sungwoon wasn’t in the mood for any of that.
He could barely carry on with his daily life here in Seoul, how could he ever run around and frolicking there at the beaches.
His mornings were never this self-depreciating before. Sungwoon had always been brim-full with happiness and positivity. ‘It comes with the age’, Jimin once mentioned to him as if he was not just a year younger than him. Sungwoon blamed it on the workload but he could never voice those thoughts out loud lest his luck ran out.
Instead, he just bottled everything inside and accepted whatever new assignments or projects handed to him. This was the dream, wasn’t it, he reminded himself and that would be enough to fuel his workaholic state.
He remembered—the smiles and laughter that once accompanied his morning, how certain kittenish and playful kisses from one particular man could eliminate all of his bad thoughts and tiredness. Just a ‘good morning’ greeting from him could make his soreness gone. Like magic. As if their love could make anything, everything bad disappear.
But he had told Daniel to forget him. And now, he wondered if the younger one truly did. He probably did. Since he heard, from a mutual friend, that the Busan man had now moved on. And he had completely erased Sungwoon from his memory. Just like what he, himself, prayed for once.
It was for the best, Sungwoon decided, as he poured another set of coffee into his mug. They were too young and too destructive, love filling up their entire life, as if love could solve everything. It couldn’t.
Daniel had graduated, that much, Sungwoon knew personally. It was not to his credit though that he came to know about his other updates—like the dance company he’d assigned to, or the newest addition to his cat family, and the new apartment he’d been sharing with Jisung hyung. His friends, well, their mutual friends, were definitely not shy to share that information with him.
They probably thought that Sungwoon couldn’t care less about the free news. It was in the past anyway.
But what they did not know was that ironically, all the songs Sungwoon had written were all for the same person, dancing around the same theme—longing, pining and wistful in nature. They probably had a hunch but they put Sungwoon too high up on the pedestals. He wasn’t as strong as people deemed, or expected him to be.
“Hyung, what’s for breakfast?” Jihoon asked as soon as he could produce coherent thoughts. Hair a mess, face bloated, and none care given, Jihoon stretched in the couch, got up and looked at the kitchen area. Sungwoon was looking all abstracted, leaning on the island top. When Jihoon asked one more time, “What’s for breakfast?”, he woke up from his daze.
“Hyung?”
“Hm?” Sungwoon asked, “Oh, just the usual, my pain and sorrow.”
“Oh cool,” Jihoon shrugged, “Cold pizza again, huh.”
“Hey, I warmed them up in the microwave for you!”
🎼🎼🎼
“Hey, sir,” The part-timer in the convenience store called him. Sungwoon looked down at her—he already paid, did he not? She looked at him with full of judgment in her eyes before pointing with her mouth, “Your total is 7,500 won—2,000 won for the sausage sticks, 800 won for the samgak kimbap, 1,200 won for the Honey Butter chips, and 3,500 won for the beers. So, 7,500 won in total.” She sounded so done with life.
“I only brought notes with me.” Sungwoon looked at his palm. Yep, only 7 1,000 won notes.
“You could lose one of the beers.” She suggested. “Do good for your liver.”
“No, one is not enough.” Sungwoon sighed, and he couldn’t possibly lose the snacks. He was craving for them. Was it worth the trip back to his home to get the coins?
“When did the beers get this expensive?” He lowly complained. “Or is it the honey butter?”
“I’m not paid enough for this half middle-aged crisis.” She muttered under her breath and Sungwoon selectively heard that. And he pouted. He, too, was not sober enough to think of a solution for his little problem.
“Let me pay for him,” A voice interrupted the two’s interaction. Sungwoon looked behind and saw few angry faces, and, oh—Hwang Minhyun. He didn’t even realise that he had created a line of people behind him. Guess he was more out of it than he let himself be. He just stared as Minhyun slipped another note next to Sungwoon’s own money.
When the girl sighed in relief, and returned the 500 won coin back to Minhyun, he shook his head and asked her to keep the change. He took the paper bag and gently pulled Sungwoon to follow him. Robotically, the older one did so, but not before bowing his head and apologising to the little crowd behind him.
“Come on, hyung,” Minhyun called, “What if one of the people capture your face and post somewhere that Producer Ha doesn’t even have enough change to pay at the convenience store.”
“Don’t nag at me,” He said to Minhyun, pulling his hand away from the other’s hold.
Minhyun sighed. He hadn’t even said anything after they left the premise. He had given Sungwoon his top, covered Sungwoon’s head and face with the hood, and started their journey back to Sungwoon’s neighbourhood. It seemed that he’d travelled quite far from his place.
“Why are you walking around without your ID, hyung? It’s dangerous.”
“How do you know—”
“You’re dressed for a quick run to the store, aren’t you?” Minhyun probed. “And you’re wearing such thin clothing too.”
“You’re lightly dressed as well.” Sungwoon complained. “You’re not even wearing a coat. In this cold weather!” Little did he realise that Minhyun had given his to him. “Why are you even here? I thought you’re off to Japan.”
“That was three years ago, hyung,” Minhyun enlightened him. “I’ve moved back here to Seoul.”
“You’re not staying in Japan for real? I thought Daehwi went to visit you there?” Drunk Sungwoon really had his facts all tangled up. Minhyun did go to Japan for his internship with the company that’s willing to recruit him post-studies. But it was only for a year and a half. He’d returned back and graduated properly from the university ever since.
And the vacation with Daehwi a few months back? It was actually just an impromptu trip to make sure Daehwi and Jinyoung don’t get lost in the Osaka. Still, Sungwoon’s effort was cute, so Minhyun just smiled at him. When the older one seemed to be disarraying from their path, Minhyun pulled him back. But more often than not, Sungwoon seemed to be distracted with every little thing he saw on their way back.
“Stop moving about, hyung,” Minhyun heaved a sigh as Sungwoon tried to push away Minhyun who was helping him to tie his laces up. “You’re going to get hurt.”
“Shut up,” Sungwoon looked away, “I can still walk, you know.”
“By the look of it,” Minhyun turned around and noticed that they were just a few blocks away from the convenience store in which they’d met. “If I’m not around, I think that you’d take forever to reach home.”
“Why are you here then?” Sungwoon looked up and tilted his head. “I thought that you left to work at Japan?”
“Why are you blushing, hyung?” Minhyun asked as he peered at Sungwoon who was walking silently beside him. Minhyun finally decided to hold Sungwoon’s hand firmly to guide him back. And Sungwoon, the moment Minhyun clasped their hand together, looked down and refused to look up. Seeing that it’d be pointless to try and make him walk with his eyes casted on the route properly, Minhyun navigated the older man to safety.
“You’re holding my hand.” Sungwoon answered just as truthfully. And unnecessarily, he added, “No one has held my hand in such a long time.”
“That’s a bit of a stretch, isn’t is, hyung?” Minhyun questioned. Rhetorically, actually, since his real intention was to check Sungwoon’s response to that. He knew that ever since the breakup with Daniel back in college, he had a few more suitors pining for his attention. One special bastard (Minhyun’s choice of word), had actually managed to convince Sungwoon to be in a committed relationship with him. For only a few months, but kudos to the man who’d tried.
Sungwoon looked at him and rolled his eyes. At least he finally looked up, Minhyun thought. He could care less about the death threat look sent over his way.
“I’m glad, by the way,” Minhyun started, “I mean, that hyung is getting out and meeting new people. For a while, I was afraid that…” The incident three years ago had ruined you. “That you’ve decided to stop meeting people.”
“I meet new people all the time.” Sungwoon told him nonchalantly.
“You know I don’t mean it that way.”
“It was…I thought that I was ready for a new start.” Sungwoon sighed, looking up at the night sky. He felt secured, being held by someone who genuinely care for him. “Well, you would know more about new relationships.” Sungwoon teased him.
“Hyung,” Minhyun nudged him back, smiling sheepishly, “Why are you like this?”
“You’re with Jonghyun now, aren’t you?” Sungwoon joked. He then looked down at their intertwined hands, “Won’t Jonghyun be with mad if he sees us like this?” He then tried (not so secretively) to unclasp their hands. Minhyun, unbudgingly, held Sungwoon’s hand even firmer.
“You’re going to run off somewhere again,” Minhyun insisted.
“I’m sober now, and it’s not like I drank too much.” Sungwoon hissed back, managed to get his hand back. He cradled it softly to his chest and sighed in relief. “My head is just full of stuffs now. Work stuff, stupid stuff… Anyway, contrary to popular beliefs, I am not someone who wrecks other people’s relationships, you know.”
“Hyung—”
“Well, I’m just saying,” He shrugged, “Considering my reputation back in the days. Even after a few years had passed, a lot of people seem to be eager to share about what happened on social medias. My company had quite a hard time blocking them from getting out…but you know, I’m prepared for all the shits to get loose.”
“Hyung,” Minhyun pulled Sungwoon to a stop, hand on his shoulder. “Back then—”
Sungwoon took Minhyun’s hand off of his shoulder and shook his head. “We’ve talked about this, have we not? We’ve settled things, and I’d like to not think about it again. You’re happy now, with Jonghyun, and I don’t want that to change. So please, let’s just forget about what happened.”
“We don’t talk about your feelings much, hyung,” Minhyun sighed. “We used to.” Until things got a bit more complicated and messed up.
“Okay,” Sungwoon slapped his cheeks with his palms, shocking Minhyun who seemed to be too flabbergasted to react. “I’m okay now. No more distracted thoughts, no more alcohol running in me, okay? My house is just a few units away, so,”
“Hyung,” Minhyun tried, but stopped after he saw the desolated look on Sungwoon’s face. It wasn’t his place nor right to be intruding into Sungwoon’s thoughts like this. They hadn’t been speaking terms in years, to add to that context. He was just an old friend, in which a big part of himself had caused Sungwoon so much heartache.
If Minhyun let his thoughts eating him up—he’d say that he had caused Sungwoon to be traumatised, making him feel unloved and unworthy of himself. Sungwoon said that he grew out of it but even with that ‘assurance’, Minhyun would always feel guilty for all the things that happened three years ago. The memory still haunted him until today. And it took even a tough work for Jonghyun to convince him to love again. To believe in love again.
“I’m alright,” Sungwoon insisted once more, “And I will keep on being alright. Work’s good, I go out to hang out with the boys…everything’s perfect.”
Minhyun hung his head lowly. With a hushed murmur, he told Sungwoon, “You’ve always been a terrible liar, hyung.”
“I’m fine,” Sungwoon sighed when he saw Minhyun’s expression. He took his stuff, the paper bag, from Minhyun’s hold and cradled it across his chest. “And I’m going home now. Alone. Don’t worry, don’t fuss over me, and don’t mention this to Jonghyun too. If he calls me later at night to check on me,” He made a motion to slit his throat and eyed Minhyun carefully. “You better watch out, Hwang.”
“I will call you later, hyung.” Minhyun stressed out.
“No!” Sungwoon denied. “No, you can’t. You have a boyfriend. Don’t call another man at night. Especially when it’s your previous…” Now, what would be the right term to address their previous relationship? “…your previous affair.” Sungwoon shrugged, ignoring completely Minhyun’s chuckle. He must be thinking that it’s alright to be all cheeky to me now, Sungwoon thought.
“Whatever,” Sungwoon started walking away, “Don’t go after me. Don’t call me. I’m serious, Minhyun. If you want to talk, bring your boyfriend along with you.” He spun around, “I’m serious.”
“I moved on, hyung.” Minhyun smiled in amusement at Sungwoon’s scrutinising tone. Sungwoon had not become any less cute even after years had passed. However, Minhyun really considered him just a friend (if Sungwoon would allow it), the cuteness now became an endearment and he wished nothing but happiness to Sungwoon now.
When Sungwoon continued his journey back home, Minhyun called after him, “Enjoy your snacks, Sungwoon hyung!”
🎼🎼🎼