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The cool evening breeze rustled across the trees on the street of the Goodman's home. Cyrus tugged his jacket tighter around body and watched as Buffy and Andi took off down the street, waving at him over their shoulders. Jonah had left not long ago, so the girls were the last of his friends to say their goodbyes. Cyrus let out a huff.
He had spent most of the day tending to the Shiva guests, making sure everybody had enough food and allowing those mourning his Bubbe to do so in peace. After his friends had left, his aunt Rachel must have noticed the exhaustion on Cyrus’ face and told him to take a break from the hustle and bustle of the house. Cyrus did so gratefully.
He was sitting outside, enjoying the fresh air and a free moment to contemplate what had happened that day, when he heard the front door swing open on its squeaking hinges. Cyrus expected to see one of his family members or neighbours, but was instead greeted with the sight of TJ Kippen standing there on his front porch.
“I didn’t know you were still here.”
TJ took a seat beside Cyrus on the step. Their knees bumped together and Cyrus’ immediately felt hyper aware of their closeness.
“I’ve been looking for you for a while. I wanted to see how you were but you’ve been with Andi and Buffy all day,” TJ told him, his eyes following a dog trotting down the street. “Plus, your aunts cornered me in the kitchen. Did you know your cousin Adinah is getting her braces off next week?”
Cyrus chuckled and TJ turned to face him, a soft grin playing at his lips. “So I’ve heard. Don’t worry, they’ve been harassing Jonah all day too.”
“Ah, so what I’m hearing is I have some competition?” TJ questioned, feigning outrage. Cyrus couldn’t help the laughter that escaped him. TJ smiled, the kind of smile Cyrus only ever saw when it was just the two of them together.
“Thank you for coming. I really do appreciate it. It was nice to have the others here, but… I’m glad you came.”
TJ put his hand on Cyrus’ shoulder and squeezed kindly. Cyrus felt his heart begin to hammer against his rib cage. “Of course, Underdog. I know how important your Bubbe was to you. And I wanted to be here. I hope I followed all of the Jewish customs and stuff right… I did some research.”
Cyrus began to feel weirdly emotional over TJ’s sincerity. He had cried when he had first heard about Bubbe Rose’s passing, and he had teared up at the funeral itself. But most of the time since then Cyrus had been too busy helping his family and making sure everyone else was okay to acknowledge his own feelings, which was the whole point of the mourning period. He let out a shaky breath and met TJ’s curious gaze.
“Thank you. I just- sorry. It’s been a really weird day,” He bumped his shoulder against TJ’s. “And you totally did everything right. Bringing the Challah? Bubbe would had been impressed.”
TJ bumped his shoulder back, but his eyes didn’t waver from Cyrus’. “Hey, if you wanna talk, I’m here. And if you don’t want to talk… I’m still here.”
Cyrus mulled it over. He had had a pretty stressful 24 hours. Between his family members asking him whether or not he had a girlfriend yet and telling Jonah he was gay, Cyrus felt like an exposed nerve; open and vulnerable. Before he knew it, Cyrus was telling TJ everything that was on his mind.
“I just feel really overwhelmed. I knew Bubbe was old, but I wasn’t expecting this. And it kinda seems like my parents were? They weren’t really surprised when we heard she’d died,” Cyrus sniffled, “There was still so much I wanted to ask her about. I wanted her to see me graduate high school, get into college- “
He broke off as he felt his throat seize up and a tear roll down his cheek, “There were things I didn’t get to tell her. About me. And now I never will.”
TJ immediately placed a warm arm around Cyrus’ shoulders and pulled him closer, rubbing circles into his arm. Cyrus’ body melted against him.
“I didn’t know your Bubbe, but I know how much she loved you. And she sounded like a really kind woman. She would be so proud of you, Cyrus.”
At the word ‘proud’, Cyrus held in a sob. He felt TJ pull him a little closer.
“I just wish I knew how she would react if I had told her. I’ve gone over it in my mind hundreds of times but I couldn’t never predict how it would happen. Now it’s too late.”
TJ continued to rub Cyrus’s arm comfortingly, but remained silent. It occurred to Cyrus that TJ had no idea what he was talking about.
He’d already told one person today. Why not just get it out of the way again? Cyrus trusted TJ just as much as he trusted his other friends, and he was feeling so emotional and raw in that moment. He inhaled deeply.
“I came out to Jonah today. He’s the first guy I’ve told, but Andi and Buffy know. I haven’t had the courage to tell my parents yet and… I never told Bubbe. That’s what I regret so much. Not telling her about such a big part of myself. Not knowing what she’d say,” Cyrus sniffled again and wiped his eyes. “And now I’ve told you. Surprise.”
To his credit, TJ didn’t let his face show any form of shock. He just smiled his real, genuine smile that made Cyrus’ chest feel warm and placed a gentle hand on his knee.
“I’m really glad you felt like you could tell me, Cyrus. I know how difficult it is, and it means a lot.” Cyrus felt some of his stress immediately dissipate from his body at TJ’s words. “I’m sure your Bubbe would have felt the same way.”
Cyrus nodded. He knew deep down that TJ was right.
“So, how did Jonah react?” TJ asked, his hand still resting on Cyrus’ knee. Cyrus was too nervous to move even an inch in case TJ’s hand fell away and he lost a precious moment of contact.
“Very… Jonah-like. He essentially just said ‘cool’, which is more than I expected from him. It didn’t seem to bother him at all.”
TJ appeared to be content with this news. “Good. I was afraid I was going to have to beat him up and reignite our childhood feud.”
Both boys chuckled at this and looked out over the street as the sky turned orange and the sun began to set behind the mountains. TJ tapped on Cyrus’ knee cap gently to capture his attention once again.
“I just wanted to clarify something I said before.” Cyrus frowned slightly but encouraged him to go on. TJ closed his eyes briefly and appeared to take a quivering breath.
“I know how difficult it was for you to come out because… I’ve had to come out too. To my parents. I’m gay.”
Cyrus swore his heart stopped for a moment.
Sure, he had hoped, but he had thought there was no way that TJ liked boys. He realized he should probably say something and opened his mouth with the intention to do just that, but no words came out. TJ raised an eyebrow at him.
“Sorry! I just- you don’t seem- sorry. That’s stereotyping. I just- I had no idea. Wow. Thank you for telling me,” Cyrus babbled, tripping over his words. Luckily, TJ didn’t seem to take offense to his rambling.
“It’s okay. I didn’t want to steal your thunder, and I didn’t know if it was the right time but… I don’t want you to feel alone.” TJ took one of Cyrus’ hands from where they were fidgeting and rested it on his lap where their thighs touched, holding it gently. Cyrus, feeling brave after TJ’s confession, intertwined their fingers together and squeezed his hand tightly.
“I’m really glad you came today. And I’m really glad you talked to me on the swings that day. You’re a really great guy, TJ.” TJ appeared a little speechless but squeezed Cyrus’ hand in return.
“I’m glad too. I guess we have Buffy to thank for us meeting in the cafeteria that day,” TJ said, his voice soft and sweet. Cyrus smiled and looked up to see TJ already watching him intensely, his face suddenly very close. Cyrus dropped his voice down to an almost whisper.
“Yeah, I guess we do.”
Before either of them could say anything else, a car pulled up in front of the house. TJ sighed, breaking his gaze and backed out of Cyrus’ space.
“That’s my mom,” he said, sounding regretful. Both boys stood up, their hands still twined together. TJ pulled Cyrus into a hug, holding him as tight to his own body as he could. Cyrus felt like every millimeter of his skin was on fire. He never wanted TJ to let go.
Unfortunately, TJ eventually pulled away. He looked at Cyrus in a way that made him want to melt into a puddle right on his own front porch. Cyrus cleared his throat.
“Thank you for today. And for being there for me. And for trusting me. I don’t know what I would have done if you weren’t here.”
TJ smiled softly and reached up to cup Cyrus’ face, stroking the skin there. “I’ll always be here for you, Underdog. No matter what.” He leant in and placed a gentle kiss to Cyrus’ cheek.
The world stopped spinning.
Cyrus didn’t know what to say when TJ pulled back, so he just stared at him dopily. TJ squeezed Cyrus’ hand quickly. “Text me if you need anything, okay? Goodbye, Cyrus.”
TJ moved away and took off down the driveway with a certain bounce in his step. When he reached his mom’s car, TJ turned back and gave Cyrus a wave, smiling brightly.
Cyrus returned his wave in a sort of trance, feeling jittery and confused. But mostly, he felt happy. The happiest he’d felt in days.
As the car drove away, Cyrus reached up to touch the spot on his cheek where TJ’s lips were only seconds ago. His heartbeat increased rapidly. Boom-boom. Boom-boom. Boom-boom.
“Goodbye, TJ.”